Stop Being Mean To Yourself: A Story About Finding the True Meaning of Self-Love – The Spiritual Sequel to Codependent No More on Self-Esteem and Personal Power

by Melody Beattie

In this contemporized follow-up to Codependent No More (more than 3.8 million copies sold since 1986) beloved inspirational writer Melody Beattie narrates the story of her hard-won discovery that you really can love your neighbor and yourself.

Renowned for her compassionate voice and deep connection to the difficulties and joys of life and love, Melody Beattie has touched many people through her long list of bestselling books. Her newest offering is in spirit a sequel to Codependent No More yet in style a a finely crafted story of her own spiritual adventure through Northern Africa that "revitalized my faith in God, in the universe, and in myself."

Stop Being Mean To Yourself introduces refreshing new ideas about healthy self-esteem for people trying to overcome -- or avoid -- the pitfalls of guilt and self-doubt. Readers who have had enough of jargon, enough of programs, enough of traditional self-help books will appreciate the appeal of this spiritual adventure story and the jewels of inspiration wrapped in its folds.

This odyssey is modern, full of suspense, excitement and the light of personal discovery. In each chapter, Beattie narrates part of her travels and offers solid, universal lessons that will apply to every reader -- lessons about trusting our instincts, setting boundaries, loving ourselves and working with our power. It is a message about a way of living based not on prescriptions but on working from the heart.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Travel

170 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 29, 1997

About the author

Melody Beattie was an American self-help author best known for her groundbreaking work on codependency. Born in 1948 in Minnesota, she endured a traumatic childhood marked by abuse and early substance addiction. After achieving sobriety, she became a licensed addiction counselor and began writing to help others navigate emotional recovery. Her 1986 book Codependent No More became a bestseller, selling eight million copies and helping to bring the concept of codependency into mainstream awareness. Over her career, she authored 18 books, including Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and Make Miracles in Forty Days. Though her work is often associated with Co-Dependents Anonymous, her books were independent of the program.
Beattie’s personal life reflected many of the struggles she addressed in her work, including four marriages and the loss of a son. Her writing often drew from her own experiences with grief, addiction, and healing. In early 2025, she was forced to evacuate her Malibu home due to wildfires and died shortly after at her daughter’s home in Los Angeles from heart failure.

Reviews

[Hillary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading about the people she met in the Middle East, but I didn't really connect with the rest of what she was writing.
Synopsis: the author is feeling lost in life. She has the desire to get up and change something (she says she felt the pull of some unnamed vortex), but she's not sure what. She decides to go to the Middle East to find answers. The insights into the people and culture are interesting, but I'm not convinced she found what she was looking for. She finally had enough and just as quickly as she was sucked in, the vortex spit her out and she landed back home.

Every time she tried to relate her experience back to the topic of her book (loving yourself), it felt disconnected and that she was trying to hard to make it work. I thought a better title would be something like, "My Travels in the Middle East" since that was really all I got out of it.

[Mitzi Clark · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not what I expected at all. It is a rambling autobiographical story about the author’s travels in the Middle East as she searches for some kind of meaning to life. I found it difficult to follow and once finished, I still wasn’t sure of the point she was trying to make.

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very disappointing. More a memoir about her trip to Egypt and some of her new-Age type experiences in a pyramid than what the title suggests.

[Joc · Rating 1 out of 5]

+Extremely dissapointing. No idea how she could have come up with a less accurate name for the book. It is mostly a stream of consciousness about her exotic travels and mostly what she did not find on her journey. 

This is definitely not a self-help book. It seems like a story justifying her "business" trip to write this book. Don't bother. 

[Hilary "Fox" · Rating 1 out of 5]

So, after having decided I liked some of what I read by Melody Beattie I wanted to work my way through the bulk of her writing. She was an interesting writer, some of her ideas resonated with me, and I felt like at the very least I could learn something from each of her books. They weren't necessarily life-changing, but they were interesting and helping me to reframe some of the ways I view the world and my relationships with others. That's always a good thing, right?

I was intrigued by the title of this one. Who isn't mean to themselves now and then? And was curious to read what she had to say about it all. Rather than it being a self-help book, though, this book was more of a travel memoir interspersed with clumsy additions of mystical experiences that ultimately didn't go anywhere. It read more like a first draft than a finished manuscript, and I was quite frankly surprised by just how shoddy the bulk of the editing job was. At no point did the book truly feel cohesive to me, and rarely do I find when reading anything other than the first book of any given author.

I wanted to get more out of this book than I did. I came away from it with the knowledge that everyone has their own difficulties, and that a bit of empathy is generally a good thing. That, however, isn't necessarily a surprising message and it's one better presented through the soap-opera of The Outsiders than this travel memoir. So, yes, I'm still rather confused by this book overall, especially the ending. It didn't really do much of anything for me.

[Sally McRogerson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this a few months ago, partly because I've read some of her other work, partly because it relates to my clients and partly because it relates to me. It felt like the ramblings of a self-indulgent, self-obsessed middle-aged woman, or an expense account trip in which she had discovered nothing of note but needed to claim the expenses anyway. I wasn't enchanted but I thought I may be missing something so I'm reading it again, more slowly this time and reflecting on what I've read.

I'd love to say that finishing the book for the second time made everything fall into place but the truth is that it didn't. There were a few bits that I can work into a meditation for clients and I think I've gleaned those bits to justify having spent so much time reading this twice!

[T. Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me and Melody Beattie go waaay back...

I started following Ms. Beattie back in the 80's and have relied on her books ever since to help me through many a day and night for weeks and years of my life. I have worn out a couple of her books and had to replace them. I love reading them as e-books these days, especially for anonymous times I don't want to carry them around in plain sight. This book is another keeper. Big smile!

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy Melody's writings. This book kind of left me wanting more compared with some of her other writings. But, I appreciate the struggles she's shared.

[Mai]

Awful book, no meaning at all.

[Julie Pixie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should be called "I Got An Advance From My Publisher To Take this Trip, So Now I Have to Write Something"

Two stars for small bursts of genuine insight

[Jocie · Rating 3 out of 5]

She makes excellent points, but the writing was not my style. Too much new age, and I don't care for symbolic narratives unless they are very short and sweet.

Her main point was- don't give up your power to love yourself, to protect yourself, and to decide what is right for you, to anyone else. EXCELLENT and true principle.

"I had given my voice to those who would benefit by my silence....I had learned to expertly aquiesce. I had forgotten how important my words are. It was time to start speaking my piece."

"I had learned to overlook way too much. I had lost my stick....It helps everyone when we tell people to stop."

"To those who hadn't wanted me- at least not in the way we want to be wanted- I had given my right to be here. Maybe they hadn't chosen me, but I could choose myself."

"We don't have to settle for one iota less than we deserve, and our birthright is to be whole, complete, and intact. What we need to know is not how wrong we've been but how wonderful our souls and lives are."

[Krystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melody shares the story of how she found enlightenment in the Middle East in a pyramid. She shares what it was like to be in a terrorist ruled country in the mid 90s. She is detained and held by security at two airports, as she is being interrogated and asked why she changed the course of her trip, she explains that she is writing a book on how to love yourself.
She reads her manuscript to the security person, and this is how her experience is told.

I wouldn't say the book is about self-love as it is more about the experience and culture of being in Egypt. I did however, find her experience interesting.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a Melody Beattie fan, so I enjoyed this book. However, the title is misleading and not really touched upon until the final chapter - almost as an afterthought. The title should be, “How I Recognized My Power While Traveling the Middle East”. She specifically shared how difficult it was to write this book - and you can feel it while reading it. If I wasn’t already a Melody Beattie devotee, I likely wouldn’t have enjoyed this book, been able to see the parallels in my life, nor had a desire to read anything else by her. If this is the first book of hers that you have read, please give her a second chance.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very interesting as a travelogue of the trip the author took to the Middle East several years ago, the experiences she had and the people she met. There wasn't much in there in the way of practical advice on how to stop being mean to yourself, though. I loved Codependent No More (the first book I read by this author) and did find a lot of practical advice in that one.

[Bruce Wadd · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an interesting read. I have read three Beattie books now and she certainly expressed her learnings of life by 'doing' life. Thus she really is an accomplished story teller. She shares both the light and dark of her life, revealing more than most... and by doing that the reader learns more about life and one's self. Thank you.

[Karen Flatley · Rating 1 out of 5]

After reading "Codependent No More", I was excited to purchase this book. It was under the self-help category.

This is not a self help book at all.

It reads like fiction. I even checked under the hard cover and flipped through the chapters to make sure I had the right book. I am returning it immediately.

[Jaelynn Jenkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not what I expected. However, the end intrigued me enough that I just might read it again. Definitely captivatingly written - as in enjoyable to follow along on the author's journey, wherever it's going. Did suffer some mild anxiety over the author's travel choices and hope nothing more serious happened on her journey.

[Maryanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read a number of Melody Beattie books in the 1990's and found them helpful while going through a divorce and pulled this book from the bookcase to reread. The story of her trip to the Middle East was interesting, but some of the situations she wrote about seemed unrealistic. I'm not sure if her insights really discovered the meaning of self-love.

[Molly Wolchansky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the story in this book. I would probably rate it 3.5 stars. I think the problem I had with it was that although it is a self help book, it didn’t seem to help me much. She talked about herself and didn’t give much advice. I think I expected this book to help me more than it did.

[Amanda Fleming · Rating 2 out of 5]

Through lots of cliched pieces of wisdom, obviously embellished stories, and sometimes flat-out fabricated ones, there were a few enlightening bits of this book. It reads, however, as a personal journal of a self-obsessed woman forcing her trip to the Middle East to have “meaning”.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is not good. Its as though the author goes on a trip to the Middle East and finds insights as to how one would stop self-critical thought. The problem is that she only writes about the trip. I would definitely not recommend this one.

[Dianna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can someone please summ this up for me? I mean, did you find the advice on how to stop being mean with yourself?

I feel like I've read an autobiography, some of the descriptions were quite ah... the desert night sky with the pyramids near - fantastic.

But the rest... a blur.

[Melissa Gaston · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book can be a quick read but it was hard for me to relate to the book because of some of the things she said. It was overall interesting about her travels but at times I kept asking my self ."why would she do that".

[Sharon Longden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who's searching for themselves needs to read this book. Told like a story about the author's travels for inspiration for this book. It has life changing words in it. Thank you Melody for such an amazing book.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love the lay out if this book...the story telling by way of interrogation, but the message is there. it was all worth the end when it was brought home to me.

[Devon DeRaad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Equal parts maudlin and poignant. Pages 196-197 stand out.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was short. It was a story about her overseas travels. It told some of the same themes in a different way, which I guess was helpful. Not one of her better works.

[Marina Macario · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aprendí más de las últimas 5 páginas, pero amé 😍

[Deanna Kell · Rating 5 out of 5]

There comes a point in all our lives when we simply have to find a way to like ourselves

I love the way Melody uses her travels to weave the story of her journey. I always feel as though I’m with her, and I always come away, wiser, and stronger.

[Lindsey Merkel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like this book never really made a point. It was a story about her trying to write a book that could live up to this really seductive title and missing the mark by a lot.