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Amateur Widow
Amateur Widow is a raw, candid telling of a woman’s dance with her husband’s terminal illness, the unyielding self-doubt that accompanies caring for a dying loved one and the honest --and occasionally humorous-- messiness of life.
229 pages, Paperback
Published July 19, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
September 13, 2023
If you are looking for a really good, honest account of death and what it is like to be a widow, look no further than here. Of all the books I have read on losing a loved one, Hayley is the first one who has written like death really is. Death sucks. Losing your partner, your husband, love, and father of your children sucks. When I have come to realize is, not only does it suck but, if you have to watch them die slowly every day for nine years (like Hayley did), it sucks even worse.
Hayley does not hold anything back here. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly here, complete with bad language and stories about poop you would like never to have read. But, the thing is, that is honest and that is what I respect about this book. Hayley starts off her story by describing how a summer fling in Canada where she was working as a nanny turned into a marriage a year later. Then that two person family because a third with the birth of their first child. Overall, Hayley was living the good life with her husband, Donovan. They were building a life and were loving it.
Then ALS comes up. Still quite young, Donovan is diagnosed with ALS, which has no cure. He is given two to five years to live. As you can imagine, this rocks the family to it's core. All of sudden, still in her early twenties, Hayley is faced with the fact that she does not have a lifetime with her husband, she only has a few short, difficult years left.
There are several things I admired while reading Hayley's book. First off, she was honest. She did not try to sugar coat things or make it seem like living with someone who is passing away is easy. Hayley had to keep the family together, emotionally and financially. That is a lot on one person, while also being her husband's caregiver and raising two boys very much on her own. Hayley tells it like it is so, not only do you get her struggles, but you get some of Donovan's too. While he is gone, this is still his story also. This is the story of one family going through ALS together.
The second thing I admired here was some of the stories Hayley shared. One story comes to mind when Donovan, upset and depressed, accuses Hayley of trying to kill him. Instead of being horrified or upset about this, Hayley tells it like it is; if I wanted him to die, he would be gone. If he dies, her life would have been easier but, no, she was not doing anything to try to end his life earlier than expected. She was just tired and doing the best she could given the circumstances. My second favorite story because of the horrible nature was when, after Donovan passed away, his family said they no longer wanted to see her, or his children. Like I said, horrible but, Hayley being who she is just took it for what it was. While in my mind I would think they would want to see Donovan's children, I guess in some situations, they don't. Hayley could have left that out but it served a purpose to be int he story and, I have to respect that.
The writing is not perfect. I did find times where it was a little drawn out or stories/experiences were repeated but, the overall story and Hayley's honest account, complete with swear words, makes up for it.
Hayley does not hold anything back here. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly here, complete with bad language and stories about poop you would like never to have read. But, the thing is, that is honest and that is what I respect about this book. Hayley starts off her story by describing how a summer fling in Canada where she was working as a nanny turned into a marriage a year later. Then that two person family because a third with the birth of their first child. Overall, Hayley was living the good life with her husband, Donovan. They were building a life and were loving it.
Then ALS comes up. Still quite young, Donovan is diagnosed with ALS, which has no cure. He is given two to five years to live. As you can imagine, this rocks the family to it's core. All of sudden, still in her early twenties, Hayley is faced with the fact that she does not have a lifetime with her husband, she only has a few short, difficult years left.
There are several things I admired while reading Hayley's book. First off, she was honest. She did not try to sugar coat things or make it seem like living with someone who is passing away is easy. Hayley had to keep the family together, emotionally and financially. That is a lot on one person, while also being her husband's caregiver and raising two boys very much on her own. Hayley tells it like it is so, not only do you get her struggles, but you get some of Donovan's too. While he is gone, this is still his story also. This is the story of one family going through ALS together.
The second thing I admired here was some of the stories Hayley shared. One story comes to mind when Donovan, upset and depressed, accuses Hayley of trying to kill him. Instead of being horrified or upset about this, Hayley tells it like it is; if I wanted him to die, he would be gone. If he dies, her life would have been easier but, no, she was not doing anything to try to end his life earlier than expected. She was just tired and doing the best she could given the circumstances. My second favorite story because of the horrible nature was when, after Donovan passed away, his family said they no longer wanted to see her, or his children. Like I said, horrible but, Hayley being who she is just took it for what it was. While in my mind I would think they would want to see Donovan's children, I guess in some situations, they don't. Hayley could have left that out but it served a purpose to be int he story and, I have to respect that.
The writing is not perfect. I did find times where it was a little drawn out or stories/experiences were repeated but, the overall story and Hayley's honest account, complete with swear words, makes up for it.
January 31, 2024
In the first few chapters the author broke my heart while cradling me as she rocked. Beginning with the death of her husband, Redman takes the reader on a journey through love, hope and grief unlike any other I experienced though in a way that kept me engaged and connected.
Her unique story of finding herself through caring for her husband, it's raw, honest and captivating. It teaches us how the loss of a loved one can look so differently in each of the ones left behind and how valuable it is to not compare your loss to another. Death and grief just hits us all so differently.
A lesson in sympathy, understanding and patience, as Redman is left to raise two young boys who she encourages to continue to be children despite their heartache. As she navigates her own worries, fears and desperation it felt like she was helping me through my own.
Well done, though living through what the ordeal she wept through shouldn't have been the experience her or anyone should have to live through to write so therapeutically.
Her unique story of finding herself through caring for her husband, it's raw, honest and captivating. It teaches us how the loss of a loved one can look so differently in each of the ones left behind and how valuable it is to not compare your loss to another. Death and grief just hits us all so differently.
A lesson in sympathy, understanding and patience, as Redman is left to raise two young boys who she encourages to continue to be children despite their heartache. As she navigates her own worries, fears and desperation it felt like she was helping me through my own.
Well done, though living through what the ordeal she wept through shouldn't have been the experience her or anyone should have to live through to write so therapeutically.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews