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How to Talk to Your Child About Sex: It's Best to Start Early, but It's Never Too Late—A Step-by-Step Guide for Every Age
Few parents enjoy those oh-so-important talks with children about the "facts of life." The fact is, you can (and probably should!) begin the conversation as soon as a child turns 3 years old. As for the delicate wording--Linda and Richard Eyre (Teaching Your Children Values) have plenty of suggestions in their comprehensive, step-by-step guide, How to Talk to Your Child About Sex. Starting with the "Preliminary 'As Needed' Talks with Three-to-Eight Year-Olds," the Eyres arrange their chapters by age, including the "The Age Eight 'Big Talk'" and numerous chapters on talking with preteens and adolescents.
The authors also describe what's normal sexual behavior for each stage of development and how to plant the seeds of appreciation of one's body and the later respect for commitment and love. They examine how parents can stay true to their moral and spiritual values while staying connected to their teenagers' sexual reality. Parents will especially appreciate the up-to-date research, such as current statistics about adolescent fears, desires, and activity surrounding sexuality. --Gail Hudson
242 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 15, 1998
52 people are currently reading
652 people want to read
About the author
Linda Eyre
66 books39 followersAs writers, lecturers, and grassroots and media catalysts, Linda and Richard Eyre's mission statement is: FORTIFY FAMILIES by Popularizing Parenting, Validating Values, and Bolstering Balance. Their latest efforts in these directions are their new books, The Happy Family (St. Martins Press,), Empty Nest Parenting (Bookcraft,) and The Book of Nurturing (McGraw Hill,), and their regular appearances on The CBS Early Show.
Linda is a teacher and musician who was named by The National Council of Women as one of America's Six Outstanding Young Women. Largely because of her, the Eyre family was named the Western U. S. "Musical Family of the Year."
Richard and Linda have nine children (one of every kind) and live in Washington, D.C. and Salt Lake City.
Linda is a teacher and musician who was named by The National Council of Women as one of America's Six Outstanding Young Women. Largely because of her, the Eyre family was named the Western U. S. "Musical Family of the Year."
Richard and Linda have nine children (one of every kind) and live in Washington, D.C. and Salt Lake City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 188 reviews
July 31, 2009
I have lots of mixed feelings about this book. Half the time, I was nodding my head, thinking, "Good idea," or "that's definitely something I need to cover." The other half, I kept thinking, "What?" and "No way."
So, to start, here's the points that I agree with from the book:
1. It is important to talk about sex with your child, and keep an open communication.
2. A good book with some simple drawings might help you explain more of the details.
3. Children need to be warned about pornography, abuse, and other dangers.
4. Sex is an "awesome, beautiful" thing that should be reserved for married people (they use the words "long-term, committed couple" often).
5. Subjects such as masturbation, wet dreams, the changes of puberty, and hormone changes should be discussed with your children.
6. I liked many of their examples and some of the readings to do with the older kids were interesting. The exception was the "marriage roses" story they reference over and over. I just didn't find it a very good illustration of what they were trying to teach. If I, as an adult, found it confusing, then I think a concrete thinking child would be even more confused.
And here's what I disagreed with:
1. I think the author's approach is a little too formal; they suggest both husband and wife taking the child out to dinner at age 8 and talking about it at a restaurant. I prefer the calm and peace of my own home for such a sacred subject. I also plan to keep my own discussions more low-key. I also don't know if I think every child should be taught at age 8 just because they have that birthday. I plan to be more flexible about when and how I introduce the topic.
2. I realize the Eyres are approaching the subject for a secular audience, but the main things I want and need to teach my children about sex were never mentioned -- things like the belief that sex is a sacred power given us by God that brings children into the world, and that God has prepared it as a wonderful way for a husband and wife to express affection and in scriptural terms "to become one." The fact that we need to be clean and worthy to fulfill our missions in life, and that learning to control our thoughts and actions in regards to sexuality is an important part of that.
3. I don't like their approach to the topic of chastity -- it's all about "waiting for the right time because then it will be so special and awesome," which is one aspect of it, rather than the simple fact that God has commanded that the powers of procreation are to be used only between husband and wife and the problems that happen when people are intimate before marriage. I realize they wrote the book to appeal to a secular audience, but I think it is wrong to leave out all mention of the spiritual.
4. I really disagreed with some of their dialogue. One thing they suggest telling your child is that since you sometimes "can't" stop thinking about sex, then you should channel those thoughts towards having sex one day with your future spouse. I think it is a travesty to teach a child that they aren't in control of their thoughts. I think a better approach is to tell them that it is very difficult to control your thoughts, and they sometimes will make mistakes, but that it is a sign of maturity when someone is in control of where his mind goes. Then it would be good to suggest ways to better control your thoughts.
5. I was particularly shocked by this attitude in regards to masturbation. The authors recommend this dialogue: "Don't try to stop yourself from thinking about sex because you can't. But when sex comes to your mind, think about how beautiful and awesome it can be with the beautiful and special wife you'll have someday. . . If you try to do this, you won't feel like masturbating as often, and when you do, at least you'll be thinking about the best kind of sex that will happen someday with your wife. Thinking this way will help you want to save yourself for her!"
6. I find the book they recommend, Where Did I Come From, to teach about sex very irreverent (ugly naked cartoon people, including "mommy and daddy" in a bathtub and under the covers making love, and sperm dressed in top hats). I also find some if it's descriptions just plain TMI. I don't think it's a good thing to describe orgasms to an 8-year-old or to compare them to a sneeze. I think a bit less info about the mechanics and a bit more info about the biology, including accurate, respectful drawings would be much better. I checked out lots of books and found the one I like the best to be "The Miracle of Life." There are way too many words in it, so I wouldn't recommend reading it or having your child read it, but the drawings are a great way to explain the miracle that sex and life are.
8. This book is very much about the method of teaching sex to children, not the principles behind it. I think the method the Eyres used is a good one, but it is not a method I will be using.
Overall, I'm glad I read this book because it gave me a lot to think about and many examples of ways I could approach this subject with my children. I'm working to prepare my own way of teaching it, one that includes the spiritual aspects of it.
So, to start, here's the points that I agree with from the book:
1. It is important to talk about sex with your child, and keep an open communication.
2. A good book with some simple drawings might help you explain more of the details.
3. Children need to be warned about pornography, abuse, and other dangers.
4. Sex is an "awesome, beautiful" thing that should be reserved for married people (they use the words "long-term, committed couple" often).
5. Subjects such as masturbation, wet dreams, the changes of puberty, and hormone changes should be discussed with your children.
6. I liked many of their examples and some of the readings to do with the older kids were interesting. The exception was the "marriage roses" story they reference over and over. I just didn't find it a very good illustration of what they were trying to teach. If I, as an adult, found it confusing, then I think a concrete thinking child would be even more confused.
And here's what I disagreed with:
1. I think the author's approach is a little too formal; they suggest both husband and wife taking the child out to dinner at age 8 and talking about it at a restaurant. I prefer the calm and peace of my own home for such a sacred subject. I also plan to keep my own discussions more low-key. I also don't know if I think every child should be taught at age 8 just because they have that birthday. I plan to be more flexible about when and how I introduce the topic.
2. I realize the Eyres are approaching the subject for a secular audience, but the main things I want and need to teach my children about sex were never mentioned -- things like the belief that sex is a sacred power given us by God that brings children into the world, and that God has prepared it as a wonderful way for a husband and wife to express affection and in scriptural terms "to become one." The fact that we need to be clean and worthy to fulfill our missions in life, and that learning to control our thoughts and actions in regards to sexuality is an important part of that.
3. I don't like their approach to the topic of chastity -- it's all about "waiting for the right time because then it will be so special and awesome," which is one aspect of it, rather than the simple fact that God has commanded that the powers of procreation are to be used only between husband and wife and the problems that happen when people are intimate before marriage. I realize they wrote the book to appeal to a secular audience, but I think it is wrong to leave out all mention of the spiritual.
4. I really disagreed with some of their dialogue. One thing they suggest telling your child is that since you sometimes "can't" stop thinking about sex, then you should channel those thoughts towards having sex one day with your future spouse. I think it is a travesty to teach a child that they aren't in control of their thoughts. I think a better approach is to tell them that it is very difficult to control your thoughts, and they sometimes will make mistakes, but that it is a sign of maturity when someone is in control of where his mind goes. Then it would be good to suggest ways to better control your thoughts.
5. I was particularly shocked by this attitude in regards to masturbation. The authors recommend this dialogue: "Don't try to stop yourself from thinking about sex because you can't. But when sex comes to your mind, think about how beautiful and awesome it can be with the beautiful and special wife you'll have someday. . . If you try to do this, you won't feel like masturbating as often, and when you do, at least you'll be thinking about the best kind of sex that will happen someday with your wife. Thinking this way will help you want to save yourself for her!"
6. I find the book they recommend, Where Did I Come From, to teach about sex very irreverent (ugly naked cartoon people, including "mommy and daddy" in a bathtub and under the covers making love, and sperm dressed in top hats). I also find some if it's descriptions just plain TMI. I don't think it's a good thing to describe orgasms to an 8-year-old or to compare them to a sneeze. I think a bit less info about the mechanics and a bit more info about the biology, including accurate, respectful drawings would be much better. I checked out lots of books and found the one I like the best to be "The Miracle of Life." There are way too many words in it, so I wouldn't recommend reading it or having your child read it, but the drawings are a great way to explain the miracle that sex and life are.
8. This book is very much about the method of teaching sex to children, not the principles behind it. I think the method the Eyres used is a good one, but it is not a method I will be using.
Overall, I'm glad I read this book because it gave me a lot to think about and many examples of ways I could approach this subject with my children. I'm working to prepare my own way of teaching it, one that includes the spiritual aspects of it.
August 22, 2016
I bought this to help me approach talking to my kids. Here are some of my thoughts...
1. While the Eyres teach that at 8 children should have the talk, and I agree it should be earlier than we probably expect, I still believe that you need to closely evaluate the child and discuss sex when the child is ready from your parental perspective. My oldest was not ready at 8. We will evaluate the others as they approach that age. An approx. 8 is a good starting point for the talk in my opinion.
2. I loved the Eyres view on many things but a public place is not a conductive place for a child to have the talk. Do it home, where distractions are less and a child can ask questions without worrying what others will hear. I would be upset if we overheard someone giving the talk while I was trying to enjoy dinner with my family. Give it at home and then go to dinner and do something fun.
3. I could have figured much of this out on my own but I liked how this book got me really thinking about the message I want my kids to hear, and the emphasis that we need to keep addressing it, especially as stages in their lives change. I love the Eyres stance on waiting until marriage and I am even more forward in teaching that it is only under that union in which those powers are used.
4.I also like how they are positive about it, not something to be uncomfortable with. It is beautiful although I did get a little sick of Eyres calling it the great, wonderful amazing thing or whatever it was. We told our child they were having "the Talk" that was enough. Some kids may not feel it's a great and wonderful, beautiful, amazing thing at that age and that is okay, they shouldn't feel like we are pushing them too much.
5. We are really open and have been able to talk about lots of things with our kids and so they feel pretty comfortable to talk about things, knowing we will answer with honesty and openness, even if that answer is, "we will talk about that in awhile when we think you can understand that better". I like how the Eyres point out to lead up to the talk with little hints. Teaching about how beautiful our bodies are (which is something we do anyway). But I don't think you need to lead into things, I think as they naturally are approached by children we can guide them.
6. I did not like the book recommendations to teach or show the child. I didn't purchase or check out any of them but I think an anatomy picture of men and women and a verbal description is enough. Children don't have to have hard copy pictures of parents in bed to see for them to understand.
1. While the Eyres teach that at 8 children should have the talk, and I agree it should be earlier than we probably expect, I still believe that you need to closely evaluate the child and discuss sex when the child is ready from your parental perspective. My oldest was not ready at 8. We will evaluate the others as they approach that age. An approx. 8 is a good starting point for the talk in my opinion.
2. I loved the Eyres view on many things but a public place is not a conductive place for a child to have the talk. Do it home, where distractions are less and a child can ask questions without worrying what others will hear. I would be upset if we overheard someone giving the talk while I was trying to enjoy dinner with my family. Give it at home and then go to dinner and do something fun.
3. I could have figured much of this out on my own but I liked how this book got me really thinking about the message I want my kids to hear, and the emphasis that we need to keep addressing it, especially as stages in their lives change. I love the Eyres stance on waiting until marriage and I am even more forward in teaching that it is only under that union in which those powers are used.
4.I also like how they are positive about it, not something to be uncomfortable with. It is beautiful although I did get a little sick of Eyres calling it the great, wonderful amazing thing or whatever it was. We told our child they were having "the Talk" that was enough. Some kids may not feel it's a great and wonderful, beautiful, amazing thing at that age and that is okay, they shouldn't feel like we are pushing them too much.
5. We are really open and have been able to talk about lots of things with our kids and so they feel pretty comfortable to talk about things, knowing we will answer with honesty and openness, even if that answer is, "we will talk about that in awhile when we think you can understand that better". I like how the Eyres point out to lead up to the talk with little hints. Teaching about how beautiful our bodies are (which is something we do anyway). But I don't think you need to lead into things, I think as they naturally are approached by children we can guide them.
6. I did not like the book recommendations to teach or show the child. I didn't purchase or check out any of them but I think an anatomy picture of men and women and a verbal description is enough. Children don't have to have hard copy pictures of parents in bed to see for them to understand.
November 3, 2021
Love the Eyre’s and their approach to talking to kids. I liked the suggestion to start early and keep it an ongoing conversation. Very practical tips. Loved the role play with exact words to use.
June 15, 2016
This helped bolster me for our impending big talk with Moo. This married couple has had the talk with each of their nine children when they turn 8 years old, and present sex in a super positive way to give them a healthy, respectful attitude for it and that it is created to share with your spouse only. They say eight is the best age because they're curious and interested without being super embarrassed or sarcastic. I have checked out the picture book "When You Were Born" for us to read through with her. They do mention in the intro that you can adapt this to however you believe, and although I won't use every bit of dialogue they've provided, this has definitely given me inspiration and helpful talking points to use. You should have preliminary discussions before eight, and then follow ups in the preteen and teen years afterward, and they go through all sorts of scenarios. Very helpful.
January 2, 2010
Think of this of the Bible of sex ed. I rely on it so heavily to get us through "The Talk," that I take it with us on our "date" so I can refer to the scripts.
Yes, the Eyres actually give you the script--exactly what to say--on this most unfortunate topic. And, the script is perfect.
btw: They recommend reading a children's book with your child to actually communicate the bad news. I got the book from our library and was very put off by the goofy cartoon illustrations. Thinking I could find something better, I ordered every book on the topic--17 I think, then browsed book stores. After reading all of them, I agreed with the Eyres that their choice is best: a respectful though not too heavy treatment.
We've survived 4 of these talks so far--thank you, Linda & Rick!
Yes, the Eyres actually give you the script--exactly what to say--on this most unfortunate topic. And, the script is perfect.
btw: They recommend reading a children's book with your child to actually communicate the bad news. I got the book from our library and was very put off by the goofy cartoon illustrations. Thinking I could find something better, I ordered every book on the topic--17 I think, then browsed book stores. After reading all of them, I agreed with the Eyres that their choice is best: a respectful though not too heavy treatment.
We've survived 4 of these talks so far--thank you, Linda & Rick!
January 5, 2010
I can't believe I'm reading this either, but the time has come.
So far it's helping me not hyperventilate at the thought of talking to my eight year old about this, but ugh...
So far it's helping me not hyperventilate at the thought of talking to my eight year old about this, but ugh...
March 27, 2018
This book had a lot of good concepts and principles throughout it. However, the majority of it was made up of sample dialogues with your child and I didn't love them. There were bits and pieces of them that I will want to go back and reference as my kids grow up, but overall, I found them to have too much talking (even though the dialogues encourage you to ask your kids questions, it still feels like a lecture to me, because of how much talking the parent is encouraged to do). I also felt that the authors encouraged parents to make too much of a big deal about talking to your kids about this subject. From what I've read and learned, it's best to give them the information in a non embarrassed, straight forward way and it's okay to let them know that sex is a special thing, but not make SUCH a big deal of it. I also didn't like the stories and analogies that were included. I have never heard an analogy for teaching about sex that I really liked; like I said before, I think it's better to be straight forward and just talk about it. (besides not liking analogies in general, some of the ones used in the book were confusing). I still think it's a good reference book to use, I just wouldn't use it line for line.
August 27, 2009
This is a great starting point for having honest, open discussions with your child about sex. The "sample" discussions are UBER cheesy and will give you a LOT of laughs (hence the 4 stars), but they do give you a good idea of how to get it all going. The book has suggestions for preparation conversations between the ages of 4 and 8, the "big talk" at eight, and then a lot of follow up discussions for various age groups until adulthood. The reasoning behind the timing is that YOU give your child the first introduction, before they are old enough to hear things from peers or the media (and trust me, at third grade, sadly they do hear things because their peers are seeing and hearing things from TV or older siblings). Plus, they are young enough to be interested and curious, without embarassment and cynicism. All of it is meant to be tailored to your own style and relationship. The book it is definitely written for the more conservative parent, who wants to encourage their child to wait for marriage, or at least a mature, long-term relationship before having it. I think the big message sent is openness and honesty, so your child feels like they can talk to you.
November 8, 2008
*This* is the book I've been looking for. It is a complete guide to talking to your children about sex, from ages 8 to 19 (and how if you miss the 8 year old talk, it's not too late, how to adjust it, etc!). It gives complete dialogues and includes how, what, when, where, and why. I really like the analogies that you can share with your older children. You can adjust it to fit your family, wording that is more comfortable for you, etc. It's so helpful in creating the tone in which you want to teach your children about this "awesome and beautiful" subject. It strongly emphasizes "why" and "what" they want to hold out for, rather than "why not" and "don't don't don't/bad bad bad", which is much more effective in the long run. We won't use it word for word and setting for setting, but we will definitely incorporate it into the manner in which we treat this subject. I highly recommend it!
September 10, 2012
Was a great book to help my husband & I discuss sex with our children. Coming from a home where my parents talked to us once about it in 4th grade & that was it. I needed a book which helped me have a better candid discussion with my child. I didn't have the discussion with my child until almost 9- she responded wonderfully & we have discussed more about sex since. Sex should be something wonderful & special to be given to your spouse & it is great reference tool to help parents have a clue on where to start with this sometimes awkward discussion.
October 3, 2010
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has children. We used this book as a guide when giving Eliza "the talk." It was a beautiful, wonderful experience.
July 22, 2017
I wish this book had been updated. Our world has changed so much since it was published that some of things our kids are faced with now must be addressed more bluntly and at a younger age.
December 16, 2025
So I'm not sure where I got this recommendation, but I got it and here we are. Basically, I agree with this review. There's a lot of good basic principles here but...
It's in need of an update(I wonder if the Eyres did when they were writing that column a while back? If I'm doing the math right, their kids were mostly 80s kids, anyway). 8 is pushing it and what child will wait when phones and friends already know so(arguably too) much? Also the "parable" was confusingly written and not really that great.
The tone is 90's (oblivious privilege---the kids are going to Harvard so this must have been done right). Too much lecturing and leading questions.
Lacks obvious credibility (the only degree mentioned is an MBA--but I know there's more), a lot of citations and studies, though they may not have existed at the time.
We know sooooo much more about uncontrollable physiological side-effects and, according to one expert, we've still only just scratched the surface.
Finally, it kind of bothered me that they described it as this beautiful and amazing thing. Not that it can't be. BUT stats show that for the majority of women it usually is not at first. When I got engaged I was inundated with books as gifts from women of a certain generation as a result of their experiences. And while education has made progress---it hasn't made that much progress. Especially if you're 13, which too many girls are these days. Lots of nonexclusive experiences are in the data and that can play a part, but I think that, based on my course of reading last year, it's important (especially for girls) not to sell it like the movies. And though there was some discussion of media inaccuracies, it seemed slightly guilty of the same issue.
That said, the Boston stories and the Grand Teton stories hit home(pun intended). And I think the general attitude is great.
It's in need of an update(I wonder if the Eyres did when they were writing that column a while back? If I'm doing the math right, their kids were mostly 80s kids, anyway). 8 is pushing it and what child will wait when phones and friends already know so(arguably too) much? Also the "parable" was confusingly written and not really that great.
The tone is 90's (oblivious privilege---the kids are going to Harvard so this must have been done right). Too much lecturing and leading questions.
Lacks obvious credibility (the only degree mentioned is an MBA--but I know there's more), a lot of citations and studies, though they may not have existed at the time.
We know sooooo much more about uncontrollable physiological side-effects and, according to one expert, we've still only just scratched the surface.
Finally, it kind of bothered me that they described it as this beautiful and amazing thing. Not that it can't be. BUT stats show that for the majority of women it usually is not at first. When I got engaged I was inundated with books as gifts from women of a certain generation as a result of their experiences. And while education has made progress---it hasn't made that much progress. Especially if you're 13, which too many girls are these days. Lots of nonexclusive experiences are in the data and that can play a part, but I think that, based on my course of reading last year, it's important (especially for girls) not to sell it like the movies. And though there was some discussion of media inaccuracies, it seemed slightly guilty of the same issue.
That said, the Boston stories and the Grand Teton stories hit home(pun intended). And I think the general attitude is great.
May 18, 2020
While I didn't love everything about this book, I feel like there were enough useful sections to keep it as a resource for now.
I like how the book is broken up into different types of conversations based on the age of your child. I will probably use the themes from the conversations, rather than the actual "dialogues."
At times the messaging was either too positive or too negative. Is sex really, "the most wonderful, awesome, amazing thing"? Conversely, do we need a chart comparing sex-related social problems to crime and poverty? Probably not.
Overall, I like the idea of having ongoing, positive conversations about sex with your children and this book seems like a good starting point.
I like how the book is broken up into different types of conversations based on the age of your child. I will probably use the themes from the conversations, rather than the actual "dialogues."
At times the messaging was either too positive or too negative. Is sex really, "the most wonderful, awesome, amazing thing"? Conversely, do we need a chart comparing sex-related social problems to crime and poverty? Probably not.
Overall, I like the idea of having ongoing, positive conversations about sex with your children and this book seems like a good starting point.
August 4, 2025
Written a long time ago but still relevant. Great dialogue for parents to talk to their kids. It was a bit cheesy at times, but if you can apply it to your family that's all that matters. I liked that they pointed out that whatever your beliefs about sex, you generally want more for your children. You can take or leave whatever you want for your family. I also appreciated the dialogue that whatever other people believe is up to them and that doesn't make them better or worse than us. Whatever people watch on tv or the way they talk about sex, my kids don't need to worry about that. I don't know if there is anything else out there on this topic but I felt like it was a help to what I've already been teaching my kids.
August 24, 2019
Apparently there isnt an Eyre book that I haven't liked. This takes a conservative approach to teaching kids that sex is amazing and wonderful when in a loving, committed relationship. With small kids, I appreciated the sample dialogues, the explanation of when to discuss different topics at different stages and an overview of the transitions kids go through in learning about sex, in and out of the home. This is another book that I would like my own copy of to refer back to in my home. With any parenting book, it'll either click or it won't click, but for me and my kids, this made sense and I would like to try their method.
July 6, 2017
I worked my way slowly through this book. There's a lot to digest. I think the Eyres have it right here: communicate often with your kids (the "talk" is not just a one-and-done event) and teach your children delayed gratification. These two elements are the best way to summarize this book. I'm not sure how to incorporate their guidance for kids that weren't talked to about sex from a young age...but I think this is a great book for those who are at any stage. Wish I had read it before my oldest was 21.
January 31, 2018
I liked several things about this book, especially their positive approach to explaining sex as something beautiful and awesome and special. I don't agree with everything as far as how formal to make "the big talk" or that age 8 is when the talk should happen or a few other things, but their dialogues gave me a great place to start in considering what to teach my children. I'll be using more spiritual terms and doctrine to explain it and will need to look up some other books, but I do think this is a great place to get ideas for how to talk about sex with my kids.
February 25, 2018
I think this has good basic ideas for approaching the topic. My oldest is five now, so I read through the chapter for younger kids and the 8-year-old talk, to know what's coming. Then I skimmed the rest of the book. Since this book is so dated, I think I can get a used copy pretty cheap to review as needed. So, that's the plan, since this book seems popular at the library (it has a waiting hold list).
December 28, 2018
This was excellent. It's thought provoking and gives some helpful sample dialogues. They recommend having the first talk with your children when they're eight years old and then ongoing talks as they get older. The book provides guidelines and sample conversations for those ages.
Two of the key points (as I interpreted them) are (1) procreation is the highest power humans have and, therefore, needs the highest level of commitment and (2) there's no safe sex outside of marriage.
Two of the key points (as I interpreted them) are (1) procreation is the highest power humans have and, therefore, needs the highest level of commitment and (2) there's no safe sex outside of marriage.
February 14, 2018
This was a very helpful book. I have been trying to figure out how and when to talk to our oldest about sex and what all to discuss. This book offered a lot of sound advice with logical explanations. It has given me confidence that I can do this well and that it will be beneficial both to my child and to our relationship with her as parents.
January 23, 2019
This was suggested reading for school while earning my degree. I felt that it didn’t suit my teaching style. Not to say that it wouldn’t be a good book for other families - it just wasn’t for me overall.
December 22, 2023
I made a summary of this book to share with the parents I see at my clinic for them to educate their children. Now my personal opinion is that nowadays it’s a little bit outdated, but it’s an old book so it’s understandable; we should always accommodate it to our generation and culture.
March 3, 2025
Purchasing this book for future reference. There were quite a few discussion points that I thought were good ideas that I want to bookmark, but there were also some things I didn’t 100% agree with. Granted this was published in 1998 so it is an older book.
October 3, 2025
This book was so insightful. I would highly recommend it to all parents, future parents, and empty nesters. I learned things for myself and I am a married mother. There are too many wonderful things to write down, so just do yourself a favor and read it. Your children will thank you.
Read
April 12, 2018I think this will be a very helpful book. It makes practical suggestions and gives ways to implement them to help build a strong foundation for talking to children about sex as well as other topics.
July 2, 2018
I didn't read the entire thing but rather skimmed a bit through the chapters that were helpful. However, it was extremely helpful and I recommend it to anyone ready to talk to your kids about sex.
October 5, 2022
Love the Eyres and their ability to create working systems for parenting.
January 18, 2010
I had a friend recommend this book to me many years ago and I have to admit that it is one I keep nearby to "re-read" often. After reading "Packaging Girlhood", and their expose on manipulative sexual content in books and movies and advertising presented to young girls, I feel this book is even more important. [See my review at http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... ]
Where does your child learn about sex? From the media? From books? From movies? From peers? From older children? Wouldn't you like them to learn a true picture from people who love them instead? In an effort to help parents step up to this job, the Eyre's have written this excellent book. Broken up into age categories, they encourage you to begin real discussions with your children and then give you practice discussions to help. Broken up into these age categories -- Preliminary talks with three to eight year olds, the big talk at age eight, follow up talks with eight to thirteen year olds, behavior discussions with eleven to sixteen year olds, and then discussions with fifteen to nineteen year olds -- you can see why I "re-read" the book, as we hit new ages, new areas are now important to talk through.
The Eyre's have used the material on their own children, and they have 9! There are even letters from their own children now adults, discussing how they learned about sex appropriately from their parents and how it helped them later when presented with gross misinformation in the media or from friends.
Again, after reading "Packaging Girlhood", I was struck with the manipulative description of sex, turning it into more of an athletic and ecstatic physical event. If girls (and boys) are presented again and again with ONLY media portrayal of sex, then they will believe indeed that that is how it is! So.... preempt those lies, and lay the foundation for a true and healthy and godly understanding of what marriage and sex and babies and families really are. Blessings from the Lord, not fake athletic sex with air-brushed model bodies.
One of the portions of the book that I have found to be most worthwhile is "Making Decisions in Advance". With your 8 to 13 year old, you can sit down and plot out a basic life expectancy. 1 to 72 years, for example. Next make a list of decisions that you will need to make during your life -- going to college, getting married, what occupation to focus on -- these they call "category one decisions". Other decisions have to do with right or wrong decisions -- doing drugs, drinking alcohol, not smoking, sex before marriage -- these they call "category two decisions". You can now lead a great discussion with your child about some decisions that have to wait until you are older..... you will make a decision to marry but you'll be older, not 12. But some decisions you can make now, because you know now that they aren't things you want to be doing -- not smoking, not drinking alcohol, not engaging in sex before marriage. And then you show them that decisions made without thinking can affect the rest of your life. You bring out the 1 to 72 years of life timeline. You show them that making a decision NOT to smoke as a young person can give them better and longer health for the rest of their lives. Seeing the visible timeline helps even an 8 year old understand that "if I do this NOW, I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life" in a very tangible way.
So, tell the truth to your children early and often and keep telling them the truth for years and years to come! This book is a great help. The information is appropriate and edifying. I will be using it for many years to come myself!
Where does your child learn about sex? From the media? From books? From movies? From peers? From older children? Wouldn't you like them to learn a true picture from people who love them instead? In an effort to help parents step up to this job, the Eyre's have written this excellent book. Broken up into age categories, they encourage you to begin real discussions with your children and then give you practice discussions to help. Broken up into these age categories -- Preliminary talks with three to eight year olds, the big talk at age eight, follow up talks with eight to thirteen year olds, behavior discussions with eleven to sixteen year olds, and then discussions with fifteen to nineteen year olds -- you can see why I "re-read" the book, as we hit new ages, new areas are now important to talk through.
The Eyre's have used the material on their own children, and they have 9! There are even letters from their own children now adults, discussing how they learned about sex appropriately from their parents and how it helped them later when presented with gross misinformation in the media or from friends.
Again, after reading "Packaging Girlhood", I was struck with the manipulative description of sex, turning it into more of an athletic and ecstatic physical event. If girls (and boys) are presented again and again with ONLY media portrayal of sex, then they will believe indeed that that is how it is! So.... preempt those lies, and lay the foundation for a true and healthy and godly understanding of what marriage and sex and babies and families really are. Blessings from the Lord, not fake athletic sex with air-brushed model bodies.
One of the portions of the book that I have found to be most worthwhile is "Making Decisions in Advance". With your 8 to 13 year old, you can sit down and plot out a basic life expectancy. 1 to 72 years, for example. Next make a list of decisions that you will need to make during your life -- going to college, getting married, what occupation to focus on -- these they call "category one decisions". Other decisions have to do with right or wrong decisions -- doing drugs, drinking alcohol, not smoking, sex before marriage -- these they call "category two decisions". You can now lead a great discussion with your child about some decisions that have to wait until you are older..... you will make a decision to marry but you'll be older, not 12. But some decisions you can make now, because you know now that they aren't things you want to be doing -- not smoking, not drinking alcohol, not engaging in sex before marriage. And then you show them that decisions made without thinking can affect the rest of your life. You bring out the 1 to 72 years of life timeline. You show them that making a decision NOT to smoke as a young person can give them better and longer health for the rest of their lives. Seeing the visible timeline helps even an 8 year old understand that "if I do this NOW, I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life" in a very tangible way.
So, tell the truth to your children early and often and keep telling them the truth for years and years to come! This book is a great help. The information is appropriate and edifying. I will be using it for many years to come myself!
July 18, 2012
From back cover... "Linda and Richard Eyre stress that it's never too soon-or too late-to start discussing sex and values with your children, and they've got proven strategies to make it easier. How to Talk to Your Child About Sex provides thoughtful, clear, specific guidance on when and, most important, how to help children begin to understand sex, love, and commitment from the most positive viewpoint possible.
Preliminary "as needed" talks with three-to eight-year-olds
The age eight Big Talk
Follow-up talks with eight-to thirteen-year-olds
Behavior discussions with eleven-to sixteen-year-olds
Discussions of perspective and personal standards with fifteen-to nineteen-year-olds"
This is another amazing parenting book. When I heard about it, I knew I wanted to incorporate it with my family and children. It is so applicable in everyday life and I truly loved the authors philosophy to teach your children at age eight and to teach children that sex is the "most beautiful and awesome thing in the world." I know this will be a book I continually refer to throughout my children's life. It has excellent dialog ideas, as well as fabulous readings in the back chapters to analyze with your children when they are older. Sex is a wonderful and special thing that must be taught to children wisely in this day and age. I loved how they talked about all aspects of sex and how amazing and wonderful it is! I also liked the fact that the authors emphasize how important parents who are committed, who make the effort, can have much more influence over their children than any other factor or force. Overall an amazing book on something that might be hard for parents to talk about with their children.
"Love: The best (and most effective) reason for sexual restraint and responsibility is that it increases one's chances for a successful and lasting long-term commitment and for a safe and happy family. A child with this goal, this hope, this vision will make better decisions in every area of his or her life. The adjectives "beautiful" and "awesome" are used repeatedly to symbolize this positive approach. The single greatest protection for kids (and the strongest motivation for avoiding early, dangerous sex) is to grow up thinking of sex as a wonderful, spectacular miracle that not only makes babies but also can bind couples and families together in a loyal, happy way. The words "beautiful and awesome" will come to represent this to your child."
Preliminary "as needed" talks with three-to eight-year-olds
The age eight Big Talk
Follow-up talks with eight-to thirteen-year-olds
Behavior discussions with eleven-to sixteen-year-olds
Discussions of perspective and personal standards with fifteen-to nineteen-year-olds"
This is another amazing parenting book. When I heard about it, I knew I wanted to incorporate it with my family and children. It is so applicable in everyday life and I truly loved the authors philosophy to teach your children at age eight and to teach children that sex is the "most beautiful and awesome thing in the world." I know this will be a book I continually refer to throughout my children's life. It has excellent dialog ideas, as well as fabulous readings in the back chapters to analyze with your children when they are older. Sex is a wonderful and special thing that must be taught to children wisely in this day and age. I loved how they talked about all aspects of sex and how amazing and wonderful it is! I also liked the fact that the authors emphasize how important parents who are committed, who make the effort, can have much more influence over their children than any other factor or force. Overall an amazing book on something that might be hard for parents to talk about with their children.
"Love: The best (and most effective) reason for sexual restraint and responsibility is that it increases one's chances for a successful and lasting long-term commitment and for a safe and happy family. A child with this goal, this hope, this vision will make better decisions in every area of his or her life. The adjectives "beautiful" and "awesome" are used repeatedly to symbolize this positive approach. The single greatest protection for kids (and the strongest motivation for avoiding early, dangerous sex) is to grow up thinking of sex as a wonderful, spectacular miracle that not only makes babies but also can bind couples and families together in a loyal, happy way. The words "beautiful and awesome" will come to represent this to your child."
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