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There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
Discover the beloved self-help classic featuring moving poems and insightful truisms “full of practical wisdom that will allow you to embrace and change your life” (John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus).Individuals, therapy groups, twelve-step programs, and the self-help community around the world have embraced the late Portia Nelson’s brilliant There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk. Warm, wise, and funny, her seminal poem “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” is a treasured and often-quoted motto for anyone seeking to better themselves and their life. Whether you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, going through a rough patch with a loved one, beginning a new relationship, or are trying to end a bad habit, this short and sweet book will help encourage self-confidence and self-love. Remember, one must love oneself before they can properly love others. “Treat yourself to a special book by a special lady” (Carol Burnett) with this classic inspirational and motivational book of poems, or gift it to loved ones, friends, and family.
146 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1988
89 people are currently reading
1056 people want to read
About the author
Portia Nelson
7 books50 followersPortia Nelson was a true renaissance woman: author, singer, composer, lyricist, painter, photographer, and actress. She has appeared in such films as The Sound of Music, Dr. Doolittle, The Trouble with Angels, and The Other, and she appeared on the television soap opera, All My Children, as Mrs. Gurney for many years. She appeared in Broadway in the award-winning musical The Golden Apple.
Over the years, Portia has written the music and lyrics for many revues, television specials, and films. Most recently, her song "Make a Rainbow" was sung by Marilyn Horne at President Clinton's inaugural ceremony.
As a singer, Ms. Nelson has recorded five show albums for Columbia Records, three solo albums, and was included in the Smithsonian collections, Cole Porter Songs and The American Popular Singer.
There's a Hole in My Sidewalk has been made into a musical based on the book, and has played at the York Theatre in Manhattan. Portia directed, wrote the music and lyrics, and performed in the production.
Portia passed away in 2001.
Over the years, Portia has written the music and lyrics for many revues, television specials, and films. Most recently, her song "Make a Rainbow" was sung by Marilyn Horne at President Clinton's inaugural ceremony.
As a singer, Ms. Nelson has recorded five show albums for Columbia Records, three solo albums, and was included in the Smithsonian collections, Cole Porter Songs and The American Popular Singer.
There's a Hole in My Sidewalk has been made into a musical based on the book, and has played at the York Theatre in Manhattan. Portia directed, wrote the music and lyrics, and performed in the production.
Portia passed away in 2001.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
March 26, 2017
An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters - Portia Nelson
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
--------------------------------------------
I think the key point is in Chapter Three “it is my fault” – which is all about taking responsibility for whatever type of situation we find ourselves in. Even when we can explain 50 ways how it was the other persons fault or beyond our control or whatever legitimate sounding reason we can come up with to avoid taking responsibility. It’s not that we are purposely doing so, we don’t yet have the insight, the wisdom to SEE that it’s all emanating from within ourselves. This is not about blaming ourselves, it’s about recognition of our journey and specific process or defense mechanism we have employed to survive. There is no blame or guilt for trying to survive in the only way we knew how. It’s about taking ownership and responsibility and now, with our new awareness, choosing to forge a new path.
The truth is I don’t know if it is possible to actually SEE and take responsibility until we have that moment of grace. It’s not something we can examine and logically work through – before we reach that moment of grace. Mostly that moment comes from being truly humbled, usually through painful life circumstances. It is only the humble heart that is open enough to truly SEE and be able to express the following:
“Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.”
Whenever I use the word “humble” my thoughts turn to Moshe Rabbenu who was the humblest man of all time. It was through this humbleness that allowed him to speak directly to G-d in a manner that no other human ever has. Grace flows from humbleness…
-----------------------------------------------
Some of my favorite excerpts from There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk:
“More than anything, they are evidence, to me that here in the middle of my life I have finally gained a small pin-point of self-awareness... false images stripped away… “through a glass darkly, but, now… face to face.” No hiding, anymore, behind innocence and ignorance.
It isn’t necessarily easier now… but I have a self that I trust and feelings and the experience are mine… not what I should feel… now what I was taught to feel and not something someone else felt that I admired and imitated. Knowing one’s own feelings and being able to trust them is the difference between existing and living. So that’s what I have here, I guess… living and loving experiences… pieces of my small universe that can, I hope, be recognized by yours.”
“My life has been a series of wonderful experiences. It’s a pity I wasn’t there for most of them.”
“I am a hopeless romantic who does not believe love solves everything. Still, I weep for the loss of illusion… knowing full well that reality is unbearable… without a few gilded window frames to see through.”
“Sorry I didn’t answer. I was listening to what you weren’t saying.”
“Let me be angry… please. It is the only way I can keep you from seeing how much I need you.”
“We weren’t living together, anyway. We were hiding together.”
“I am astounded at how long it takes to discover… for the first time, the things I have learned… over and over again all my life.”
“The nicest thing about my life, now, is that I am here with me, most of the time.”
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
--------------------------------------------
I think the key point is in Chapter Three “it is my fault” – which is all about taking responsibility for whatever type of situation we find ourselves in. Even when we can explain 50 ways how it was the other persons fault or beyond our control or whatever legitimate sounding reason we can come up with to avoid taking responsibility. It’s not that we are purposely doing so, we don’t yet have the insight, the wisdom to SEE that it’s all emanating from within ourselves. This is not about blaming ourselves, it’s about recognition of our journey and specific process or defense mechanism we have employed to survive. There is no blame or guilt for trying to survive in the only way we knew how. It’s about taking ownership and responsibility and now, with our new awareness, choosing to forge a new path.
The truth is I don’t know if it is possible to actually SEE and take responsibility until we have that moment of grace. It’s not something we can examine and logically work through – before we reach that moment of grace. Mostly that moment comes from being truly humbled, usually through painful life circumstances. It is only the humble heart that is open enough to truly SEE and be able to express the following:
“Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.”
Whenever I use the word “humble” my thoughts turn to Moshe Rabbenu who was the humblest man of all time. It was through this humbleness that allowed him to speak directly to G-d in a manner that no other human ever has. Grace flows from humbleness…
-----------------------------------------------
Some of my favorite excerpts from There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk:
“More than anything, they are evidence, to me that here in the middle of my life I have finally gained a small pin-point of self-awareness... false images stripped away… “through a glass darkly, but, now… face to face.” No hiding, anymore, behind innocence and ignorance.
It isn’t necessarily easier now… but I have a self that I trust and feelings and the experience are mine… not what I should feel… now what I was taught to feel and not something someone else felt that I admired and imitated. Knowing one’s own feelings and being able to trust them is the difference between existing and living. So that’s what I have here, I guess… living and loving experiences… pieces of my small universe that can, I hope, be recognized by yours.”
“My life has been a series of wonderful experiences. It’s a pity I wasn’t there for most of them.”
“I am a hopeless romantic who does not believe love solves everything. Still, I weep for the loss of illusion… knowing full well that reality is unbearable… without a few gilded window frames to see through.”
“Sorry I didn’t answer. I was listening to what you weren’t saying.”
“Let me be angry… please. It is the only way I can keep you from seeing how much I need you.”
“We weren’t living together, anyway. We were hiding together.”
“I am astounded at how long it takes to discover… for the first time, the things I have learned… over and over again all my life.”
“The nicest thing about my life, now, is that I am here with me, most of the time.”
November 9, 2016
There are so many people who will spend hours trying to read a book about self-discovery...trying to learn more about themselves and how to take control of their life. There are so many times the world will love to see you crash and burn and never rise up again. It is still unknown why the world does this but we humans learn to adapt and try and rise from the ashes like a phoenix and try to be stronger than before.
But we need help, we need guidance and where do people turn to for that? Books. Books have always held the true knowledge one person needs to make it through this crummy hateful world. So they come into a library and check out every book about improving oneself and sometimes these books will go on for days talking about nothing, then something, then back to nothing at all. Most of the time you have no idea what you just read and feel even more down for you think you are too dumb to understand the information.
Don't feel too bad. Most of those books are from doctors who have made in through the crummy world and "thinks" they are better than you. So they fill up their books with weird jargon they know you will never understand but if the author has a MD or other letters at the end of their name people will assume they know what they are talking about and buy the book.
I've got some news for you......you are wasting your time. Oh sure, there might be a good book here or there from a doctor that went through some tough times but they still make it hard for you to understand. Try reading books by PEOPLE that went through the same situation, has the same financial situation as you do and is an actual human being, not someone who might or might not be true. And who better than to hear encouraging words than Portia Nelson!
You remember Portia Nelson, right? She was the tall Nun in The Sound of Music who didn't like Maria at all, but then helped Maria and her family escape at the end. Well, she wrote this book called There's a Hole in My Sidewalk. Interesting title don't you think? Well, here is the rest of the story:
"Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it wasn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in....it's a habit...but,
my eyes are open
I know where I am
It is MY fault
I get out immediately
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it
Chapter Five
I walk down another street"
Make sense? Of course it does. You keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, all you going to do is "fall in the hole" and mostly likely it's the same hole that you just dug yourself out of. Sometimes it's a habit that is hard to break and you just keep falling in. The last two chapters are talking about how to see the trouble ahead, identifying the trouble before it happens and figure out that hey, there is actually a different option to take....like walk down another street.
Throughout the book Portia wrote poems about finding things out about yourself that you never thought of before. Since most people can relate to poems, that is the format that she used in this book. Let me tell you, there are so many things I found out in me that I never knew existed if it was for this book. She makes it so easy to understand, and she doesn't use words that you have to look up in the dictionary. She talks to you in the language that we all understand and she uses words that make you think twice of the meaning. Once you do, you will finally have that a-ha moment!!!
But we need help, we need guidance and where do people turn to for that? Books. Books have always held the true knowledge one person needs to make it through this crummy hateful world. So they come into a library and check out every book about improving oneself and sometimes these books will go on for days talking about nothing, then something, then back to nothing at all. Most of the time you have no idea what you just read and feel even more down for you think you are too dumb to understand the information.
Don't feel too bad. Most of those books are from doctors who have made in through the crummy world and "thinks" they are better than you. So they fill up their books with weird jargon they know you will never understand but if the author has a MD or other letters at the end of their name people will assume they know what they are talking about and buy the book.
I've got some news for you......you are wasting your time. Oh sure, there might be a good book here or there from a doctor that went through some tough times but they still make it hard for you to understand. Try reading books by PEOPLE that went through the same situation, has the same financial situation as you do and is an actual human being, not someone who might or might not be true. And who better than to hear encouraging words than Portia Nelson!
You remember Portia Nelson, right? She was the tall Nun in The Sound of Music who didn't like Maria at all, but then helped Maria and her family escape at the end. Well, she wrote this book called There's a Hole in My Sidewalk. Interesting title don't you think? Well, here is the rest of the story:
"Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it wasn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in....it's a habit...but,
my eyes are open
I know where I am
It is MY fault
I get out immediately
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it
Chapter Five
I walk down another street"
Make sense? Of course it does. You keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, all you going to do is "fall in the hole" and mostly likely it's the same hole that you just dug yourself out of. Sometimes it's a habit that is hard to break and you just keep falling in. The last two chapters are talking about how to see the trouble ahead, identifying the trouble before it happens and figure out that hey, there is actually a different option to take....like walk down another street.
Throughout the book Portia wrote poems about finding things out about yourself that you never thought of before. Since most people can relate to poems, that is the format that she used in this book. Let me tell you, there are so many things I found out in me that I never knew existed if it was for this book. She makes it so easy to understand, and she doesn't use words that you have to look up in the dictionary. She talks to you in the language that we all understand and she uses words that make you think twice of the meaning. Once you do, you will finally have that a-ha moment!!!
November 18, 2011
This book needs more love. There are some true words of wisdom in here, from a woman who has been around. I think i got it when i was 15. I took it everywhere with me. It's been through everything with me. If it ever turned into a person, it would know my deepest secrets. I have lovingly worn the crap out of it to the point where it barely has a cover now and it's abused with highlighting and pen everywhere. I would always write down my responses to what she said lol As if she was there listening to them. I loved that thing to it's literal death. I learned so much from it and i recommend everyone show their pre-teen or teenager this book. Truly, do it for the children. :)
August 27, 2014
I adore this book! Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters (the poem) has meant a lot to me over the years. I just learned about the book recently. So much of it resonates with me but from a different perspective of self discovery.
I am astounded
at how long it takes
to discover...
for the first time,
the things I have learned...
over and over again
all my life.
I am astounded
at how long it takes
to discover...
for the first time,
the things I have learned...
over and over again
all my life.
October 31, 2018
The author skillfully express self awareness in delicate but direct terms. Simple to read, can be taken in short segments. This book doesn't tell you what to do, but rather make you think about who you are.
July 19, 2017
I really don't know why this book has such great reviews and is considered a wonderful self help book. The best part of the book is "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters", which I indeed like a lot. The rest of he book is poorly written and edited with silly thoughts printed on paper. There were a couple of well-written pieces that had some substance but most of it was not very insightful.
May 27, 2023
Beautiful 💜 5⭐️
July 20, 2013
I was given this book years ago and read excerpts, but just picked it up again to read it through.
What a delightful, funny, realistic read! I found my self saying over and over, "That's exactly what I feel!", "Ha I thought that too!"
All should read it to help them understand themselves, their relationships and restore their sanity!
What a delightful, funny, realistic read! I found my self saying over and over, "That's exactly what I feel!", "Ha I thought that too!"
All should read it to help them understand themselves, their relationships and restore their sanity!
April 7, 2014
This was a great book full of poems that show how one can lead to self discovery. It is full of practical advice, especially in terms of relationships and how one can lose themselves in the mist of one and then how to discover yourself after and during. This is a great book that shows how life really works.
September 14, 2015
This is a short, quick book to read but has a wealth of wisdom to reflect on. I will be rereading it from time to time because it is the kind of book that will always have something new because you will always read it from a different mindset and the words will be fresh for a new state of mind.
May 22, 2018
Amazing book of quotes...I could relate to each one of them intimately as if the author was talking to me about my own life...a must read for every seeker.
January 29, 2024
Some of these short poems/witticisms read like decorations on the wall of your grandparents' house. Others are piercingly insightful, even if not entirely original. I came away with a lighthearted sense of kinship with the author and her struggles to achieve healthier relationships with others, and most importantly with herself. I would particularly recommend it for anyone struggling with addiction, as the titular poem's notion of the hole in the sidewalk is a beautiful analogy for addiction recovery.
September 8, 2024
Indeed, a romance of self-discovery. Nelson’s poetry is straightforward and simple while simultaneously forcing a reader to reread the same words at least three times to make sense of it all. Surface-level entertainment with deep-seated introspection should a reader allow themselves to ask the same questions as the author. This was a thought-provoking read of poetry and I would recommend it to any human who has experienced a quarter-, mid- or late-life identity crisis. Clarity and confusion will both surely find your mind throughout the journey that is, “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk.”
December 16, 2024
I heard There's a hole in my sidewalk in a psychology training session about trauma.
Yes, I love it immediately. This is what therapy is about. Understanding, recognition, acceptance, growth, changes, hope.
But the rest of the volume is beautiful too. And I think anyone that has struggled with love, addiction, stagnation will be able to relate.
Yes, I love it immediately. This is what therapy is about. Understanding, recognition, acceptance, growth, changes, hope.
But the rest of the volume is beautiful too. And I think anyone that has struggled with love, addiction, stagnation will be able to relate.
August 28, 2019
Someone recommended this to me after telling me about "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters," which I had never heard of but is apparently famous. It's probably the best part of this little book. The rest are like little emo tweets, each on their own page.
Read
February 23, 2025It is known that I do not like English poems as they often feel shallow. That being said, I quite enjoyed these. The way the book was arranged into five chapters was brilliant!
Read between and during my shifts at the libraries
Read between and during my shifts at the libraries
November 25, 2017
Brilliant in pieces !
The book is brilliant in pieces and those pieces are quite few. The piece titled "Autobiography in five short chapters" still stands out.
The book is brilliant in pieces and those pieces are quite few. The piece titled "Autobiography in five short chapters" still stands out.
February 5, 2018
My Grandmother grew up with Portia and didn't have a bad word to say about her . I was thrilled to learn she had written a book ! The poetry is beautiful and real .
July 9, 2019
Loved this book. Both simple and deep. It was a beautiful surprise.
July 14, 2019
Very easy read but yet complex! Beautifully written. I’ll reread it often.
July 23, 2019
What an incredibly true and beautiful book.
March 7, 2021
Relatable, honest, and sometimes funny.
It's a cute book. It really had me at that legendary poem in the beginning, and the rest of the pages--well most of them though--got me saying "it me!"
It's a cute book. It really had me at that legendary poem in the beginning, and the rest of the pages--well most of them though--got me saying "it me!"
May 27, 2021
discovering oneself is a rather challenging work, one because we are distracted, two the distraction is more pleasing, three letting go of the distraction is not easy ... even though its not fruitful
June 24, 2022
the book gave me a very interesting feeling apart from the fact that you get a super nice experience I think this is one of my favorite books I recommend it
July 5, 2023
I love the simple wisdom of life in this little book.
March 10, 2024
Mind Blown. I look forward to rereading many times.
December 29, 2024
So much wisdom. Just marvelous
December 15, 2024
I have read this book several times. Simply poignant! I have used the ideas gained from this book to shape my responses to many different situations in my life.
September 1, 2023
It was interesting to read. Although I think a few pages were missing from the Kindle book. Disappointing.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews