Unconditional: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate

by Justin Lee

'Gay.
The word seemed to hold the weight of eternity within its single syllable.
As strange as it may seem, in all the years I had struggled with my sexuality, the idea that I could be 'gay' had simply never crossed my mind. I was a Christian! That was my whole life! And Christians weren't gay.'

This could be the most important book you read this year.
It's a memoir.
An exploration of what is, and what could be.

Most of all, it's a clarion call to the church - to rediscover the love that Jesus called us to. Unconditionally.

'So many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people give up on Christianity because they cannot reconcile who they are with what they were brought up to believe that the Bible teaches about sexuality. Here is a wonderfully told story of a brave young homosexual man who has struggled to hold onto his faith while still affirming himself as gay. This is a must-read.' Tony Campolo

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Religion, LGBT, Christianity, Theology, Faith

268 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Justin Lee is the founder and executive director of The Gay Christian Network (GCN), a nonprofit, interdenominational organization working to increase dialogue between gays and Christians and support people on both sides wrestling with related issues.

Reviews

[Shaney · Rating 5 out of 5]

No matter what your theological convictions on gay relationships, you need to read this book. If you think "gay Christian" is an oxymoron, you need to read this book. If you know someone who's gay, you need to read this book. If you don't know anyone who's gay, you need to read this book. If you think gays have an "agenda," you need to read this book. If you think the church knows how to show grace to gay individuals, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. If you are aware that the church is failing in this area, you need to read this book.

Basically: You need to read it.

It's not a book defending the morality of gay relationships. Less than one chapter is spent describing Justin's perspective on the passages in the Bible dealing with homosexuality. Rather, this book is his story, and his thoughts on how the church has failed to show grace to gays, and how Christians of all theological persuasions can change this. Don't read this as a theological treatise. Read it as a story, because that's what it is.

I cried when reading how people in the church have failed to show grace to gay individuals, and how they have even told celibate gay Christians they're going to hell for their "sin". This is not showing grace to gay people.

We (Christians) need to be aware of what gay individuals are going through, we need to be educated on the issues, we need to stop looking at this issue with a "Christians vs. gays" mentality, when there are many people who are both Christian and struggle with same-sex attraction. And this book is a most excellent starting point.

Though I don't agree with Justin's theological conclusions, I still recommend this book wholeheartedly.

[Mathew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Justin Lee not only choose the most controversial topic of the day but his title didn’t provide much wiggle room--“rescuing the gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christian debate.” I mean if you’re rescuing the gospel from something or someone then everything about the book has got to be perfect, right? Justin starts with the war weary statistics that suggest most people identify the church as anti-gay. I’ve seen this study so many places I stopped counting. My question is always: Is that a result of the church bringing up the subject with provocation? Or is it because gay activist are constantly badgering the church and the church is responding? (pp. 1-4) He also takes a step further and says the church is hostile towards gays,
The church’s “antihomosexual” reputation isn’t just a reputation for opposing gay sex or gay marriage; it’s a reputation for hostility to gay people. (p. 3)
However, Linda Hirshman recently published Victory: The Triumphant Gay Revolution. David Murray offers a review which is insightful. In it, Murray reports that Hirshman discussing the early development of the gay movement says
Standing firmly on this “moral foundation,” gay activists identified four major obstacles to achieving their strategic objective: (1) The churches considered them sinful; (2) The state criminalized their sex acts; (3) Doctors – mainly psychologists – thought they were crazy; and (4) The military feared they would be traitors to the nation.
With that being said, it’s fair to say that church has mainly been in defensive mode as the gay activists have continually volleyed attack after attack on the church for even daring to consider practicing homosexuality sinful. This misstep aside there was much I learned in the book and Justin does make some great points. I want to look at those next.

The Good

What Justin does extremely well is convey his story. He understands this. Justin says,
But why should anybody listen to me? I was a nobody. I wasn’t a preacher or a theologian or a scholar. There were lots of things about the Bible I didn’t understand and lots of theological questions I didn’t have answers to. I did have a different take on the Bible passages in question, but I wasn’t ready to go public with that yet. There was just one thing I had that qualified me to address this subject, and it was something no one could take away from me: my story. (pp. 210-211)
His writing flows and is relatable. The struggle in understanding sexuality is familiar to me as an heterosexual male growing up in a very conservative environment. I could empathize with the complexity of having to deal with same sex attractions on top of that. My own environment was one where it was hard to develop a healthy understanding of heterosexuality.

Also, I appreciate that Justin sought to understand his attraction in the context of what Scripture says. This struggle plays prominently in his story and he spends considerable time in two chapters examining the relevant passages and larger hermeneutic issues. And he appears to understand what’s at stake (p. 204).

Finally, he provides the church with a resource for understanding and communicating with people who identify as gay and especially those who grow up in the church. This may be the largest benefit of the book. He strongly urges Christian to reject pseudo-science and methodologies that are less than honest. By being so quick to endorse “gay cures” the church has hurt it’s testimonies and lost its credibility amongst the gay community. Also, anyone who might have to speak about this issue in a public platform should read this book to understand the issues and what’s stake. So that’s the good.

The Bad

What you might quickly notice in my list of concerns is that many of them parallel the strengths I underscored. For instance, the strength of his story and the prominence it plays in his urging churches not to assume all gay’s participate in perverse sexual activity--which is good. But it seems Justin may be normalizing his experiencing and may be forgetting that his might be the exception. He even mentions at one point how out of touch he felt in the gay community. He says,
I had hoped that the outing to the club would help me feel connected to the other gay guys. But instead, it had the opposite effect. I felt more alienated than ever. It seemed like everyone in the gay world spoke the same language, and no one had ever taught me. Worse, their language felt fundamentally at odds with everything I had been taught in the church, everything that made me God Boy, everything that made me me. I wasn’t like the other gay people I had met. I wasn’t having sex. I didn’t want a hookup. I didn’t drink. I didn’t smoke. I didn’t like to dance. I was just a sheltered Southern Baptist boy who wanted to serve God and couldn’t help being attracted to other guys. (p. 164 also see pp. 158-160)
He does make a point to argue for the diversity within the gay community when he says, “Couldn’t gay people be just as diverse as straight people?” (p. 158). Justin doesn’t interact much with studies that suggest that STD’s and sexual promiscuity is higher within the gay community and typically what you get from the political juggernaut for gay rights is scorn for even suggesting that might be true instead of actual interaction (see the witch hunt against Mark Regnerus).

Also, Justin as stated above rightly is critical of the church in the way it communicates its message. Many of those who speak on this topic know very little about it. He’s also roundly critical of ex-gay ministries. He points out many of the hypocrisies of those who are leaders within the group who have fallen into homosexual interactions after professing to be ex-gays (see chapter 6). I’ll make two points. First, if those who are promoting ex-gay agendas are truly advertising that they have a high success rate of completely removing same sex attractions while still struggling with them and often succumbing to those urges then the church must reject those ministries and their underhanded tactics. It’s a bait and switch to promise a high probability of the attractions being removed when many of those same people are actually still struggling with them. But Justin seems to imply through the book as he’s speaking about these ex-gay ministries that if one has same attractions then one must identify as gay. As if the attraction itself immediately requires identification within the larger gay community. However, if the traditional understanding of the Scripture is correct and gay sex is wrong then why should those who struggle with same sex attraction (SSA) be “required” to identify as gays. For instance, let’s assume someone who is married struggles constantly with attraction and lust for people who aren’t their spouse must they identify themselves by their struggle? Or for those who struggle with the temptation to steal must they identify as such even if they are fighting against such urges? Justin seems to imply that those who don’t identify as gay but struggle with SSA are being dishonest and underhanded. I couldn’t disagree more. He’s assuming his position by doing this which leads to my final and largest concern.

Justin as I said takes the Bible seriously and looks for answers in the Bible through the book. As he examines the passages that address homosexuality for him it’s a stalemate. He understands most of these passages as discourses against pagan idolatry which may have included gay sex and says the language of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 seems at best unclear. He doesn’t find a convincing argument to made against monogamous Christ-centered gay relationships (his term). He relays his struggle,
After going through all the passages, I felt like I was back where I had started, confused and frustrated. Once more, I reviewed the evidence. I was torn. On one hand, yes, there was a potential explanation for each of these passages that meant it wouldn’t apply to a modern-day committed gay relationship. On the other hand, every explicit mention of homosexuality in the Bible was negative. Taken together, the most obvious sense of the passages was to condemn gay sex in all contexts. Even if there were other explanations, at some point it just started to feel like looking for loopholes rather than accepting the plain sense of Scripture. I wasn’t interested in looking for loopholes. (p. 191)
Where he lands next is concerning. He attempts to argue that the command to love your neighbor positively allows Christ-centered monogamous gay relationships from Romans 13:8-10. He expounds,
I thought about every example of sin I could come up with. In every single case, Paul was right: Truly living out God’s agape love for others always led to doing the right thing. Sin always resulted from selfish desire in one form or another.

Surely, I thought, there must be more than that. In the past, I had thought of the Bible as a rule book for life. Yes, we’re saved by grace, but I’d usually thought of righteous living in terms of following rules about what you could and couldn’t do as a Christian. (p. 197)
He proceeds to examine the application of that command in the life and ministry of Jesus and here’s where it gets really muddled. He discusses Jesus healing the man on the Sabbath. He rightly notes that breaking the Sabbath was a big deal but then says
Growing up, I always assumed that Jesus wasn’t really breaking the Sabbath by healing someone, because perhaps God didn’t count supernatural healing as “work” on the same level with cooking or heavy lifting. If I had been Jesus, that’s the argument I would have made: “The Bible says not to work on the Sabbath. I’m not working; I’m healing. This isn’t work for me.”

Jesus doesn’t make that argument. Instead, he asks something that seems like avoiding the question: Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” (Mark 3: 4)

This used to puzzle me. . . .

From a rule-following perspective, Jesus’ argument makes no sense. But from a love-your-neighbor perspective, it makes perfect sense. What’s the most loving thing to do: to help someone in their time of need, or to pass them by? If given the choice between the loving option and the unloving option, isn’t it always right to do the loving thing? If love is the fulfillment of the law, shouldn’t that take precedence over everything else? (pp. 199-200)
According to Justin, Jesus actually broke the law but stayed within the spirit of the law. You see he’s setting us for the finale. But he’s assuming that the Pharisees interpretation of the law was the letter when Jesus’s point was love your neighbor was the letter. If Jesus had actually broken the law he would have been a sinner and unable to save sinners. He’s missed the point of these passages entirely. We all understand the principle Jesus is making in our every day life. For instance, I will teach my children that lying is a sin. But if someone were to breaking into my house and I hid my family and they begin demanding I tell them where my wife and children it’s not sinful in the least to send them on a wild goose chase. The lying is not breaking the law because they’re not lawful recipients of the information they are demanding. Jesus’s point is it was always OK to heal and do good on the Sabbath. He argues the Pharisees have made their traditions the law (see his response when Pharisees ask why his disciples don’t wash their hands before eating). Justin says,
Over and over, Jesus provides examples of the spirit of the law superseding the letter of the law. It’s clear that pulling a child out of a well is work; there’s no getting around that. It’s equally clear that it would be the right thing to do, even on the Sabbath. What loving parent would allow their child to lie in a well overnight in order to follow the letter of the Scriptures? (p. 202).
But the point is the parents who leave their children in the well aren’t fulfilling the letter or the spirit. He goes to say,
I believe the Holy Spirit functions in that capacity for us as Christians. Christians usually understand the Holy Spirit as the “Helper” Jesus promised to send, the indwelling of God in the hearts of all believers. The Holy Spirit knows the purpose of God’s laws and can guide us in interpreting and applying them to our situations, superseding the letter of the law when appropriate, and helping us to fulfill God’s ultimate desire for us on earth: not to be slaves to a set of rules, but to live out God’s unconditional agape love in every moment of every day. (p. 204)
So the Holy Spirit will show us when it’s OK to break the letter of the law and conveniently for Justin he’s done just this as it relates to monogamous Christ-centered gay relationships. Justin wraps it up with this,
But suppose two people loved each other with all their hearts, and they wanted to commit themselves to each other in the sight of God— to love, honor, and cherish; to selflessly serve and encourage one another; to serve God together; to be faithful for the rest of their lives. If they were of opposite sexes, we would call that holy and beautiful and something to celebrate. But if we changed only one thing— the gender of one of those individuals— while still keeping the same love and selflessness and commitment, suddenly many Christians would call it abominable and condemned to hell. (p. 205)
There’s a huge failure in hermeneutic here and even larger misunderstanding of church history, the new covenant (law/gospel), and the character of God (love/holiness). My answer to his question is yes if you change something that Scripture requires even the smallest part then yes we should call that sin and damnable. Quick side note: part of the progress of the argument was a misunderstanding love and marriage through out the book. Yes part of marriage is attraction but a large part is covenantal love bounded together by Christ. Justin’s view of marriage and love through out the book is centered around sex and sentimentality (see pp. 101-103)

Finally, this discussion jump starts the final chapters which deal with the organization Justin founded for “gay Christians.” Again there’s a strong preference for any one who struggle with SSA even those who are B side (believing gay sex would be sinful and that Scripture requires celibacy) to identify as gay. It perplexes me that those who are side B (p. 221) would be able to associate with those who consider themselves side A (Justin’s position above). Justin believes this is a matter of meat offered to idols and Christians should agree to disagree (in non-essentials unity, right?). But what he fails to grasp is that those who believe gay relationships and sex are sinful cannot disregard their belief. If they are right and it is a sin then to not say so and to associate with those who believe otherwise in an official church capacity would be sinful. And that’s the crux.

In the End

In the end, Justin doesn’t rescue the gospel from anything. The gospel doesn’t need rescuing. I’m sure it was just a marketing spin to attract readers but it’s an awfully poor choice of words and the book doesn’t deliver on the promise. It’s still important book to read because of the ongoing social, political, and religious conversation happening around this topic. Setting aside the fact it’s a poorly developed argument, it should also be asked secondarily how his hermeneutic might be applied to a myriad of other topics. He’s arguing for a libertarian understanding of Scripture where if there’s no victim and every one is consenting and filled with “godly” love then go for it. The Spirit might just show you that the letter of the law is wrong and can be adjusted.

The church would do well to treat homosexuality as it treats other sins (no special treatment for good or bad) and encourage those who struggle with it to identify primarily as dead and risen Christians united with Christ into his body--not within the larger gay community. She should urge them to dive into the covenant community for the strength and accountability to overcome their urges and desires as other single Christians do (whether the SSA go away permanently or not. I mean if Paul prayed for his temptation to go away three times and God said “no” we might just learn from that). And we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss those who struggle with SSA who decide to marry someone of the same sex. Justin all but dismisses this as an impossibility. It’s almost treated as treason (pp. 91, 101, 235 the last reference may be the worst “In most cases, even those who have married a member of the opposite sex will admit that they haven’t actually gone from gay to straight, that even if they never act on their feelings, they remain attracted to the same sex.” As if the the category of calling oneself straight, if that’s what they choose to do, should solely be based on the primary and maybe solely on their SSA and the positive, daily actions of these men should be disregarded as a sham. So for instance, for men who strongly and daily fight off lustful thoughts about other men and I’m not just talking about your once in a while average staying the course. I’m talking about people who might be considered sex addicts by the secular world. These kinds of people who struggle with this kind of sexual addiction who are faithful to their spouse and put to death these attractions every day, should we not call them monogamous because clearly their primary sexual urges might be for multiple partners although they may never give into that lust or allow it grow in their life?). All of this is pushback and fuel for a conversation that must be had as this becomes an issue we cannot ignore in our current cultural and religious climate.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a Gays-vs.-Christians world, admitting you're gay makes you the enemy of Christians.

Sadly, with this single sentence, Justin Lee sums up one of the biggest issues in Western Christianity today. Or maybe the biggest. It's extremely unfortunate (or maybe criminal is a better word), that we've allowed two or three misread passages to completely overshadow God's message of love in the Bible.

Torn is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand better what's holding back the love and compassion of Christians for the LGBT world. It's a good read for anyone: Christian, non-Christian, gay, straight. (Caveat: I say this as a straight Christian, but I'm trusting Lee's experience to overcome that, since this book is about him and his experiences.) I would recommend this to anyone not wanting to keep their head in the sand from such an important discussion.

This is something the whole Christian community needs to be thinking about. If you don't personally know anyone who's gay, you're probably wrong in that assumption. You just don't realize it. This is something that will impact each and every one of us, probably sooner than we expect. There is a lot of history to overcome - a lot of hate, a lot of misunderstanding. The sooner that we begin to understand, the sooner we can begin reconciliation.

In a Venn diagram, Gays and Christians aren't mutually exclusive - in fact, there's much more overlap than most people would imagine. Justin Lee enlightens us to that fact, and helps us understand how we need more compassion, more dialogue. This book is a simple read - it's accessible to anyone, and I think important for Christians, simply because his statement is so true:

I believe our goal should be truth, not ideology, and that we must have the humility to admit that we still don't have all the answers.

We would be better Christians in all aspects of our lives if we could admit this.

Justin Lee does a great job in discussing ex-gay movements and explaining how they might be able to help you change behavior (if that's what you want) but they cannot change the fact that you're gay. In fact, he cites many of the founders of the movement (and ex-gay poster children) and describes how they've returned to previous gay lifestyles. Reparative therapy doesn't work. Focus on the Family lied to you. His words are better than mine:

Focus [on the Family] then sent me a pack of resources promoting the same ex-gay groups I already knew didn't work, featuring testimonies from many of the same people I already knew weren't really straight.

Of course, this book is going to be controversial to conservative Christians because it's not anti-gay. Lifeway won't even carry it (I guess I shouldn't be surprised). On the other side, it may also be controversial to some on the LGBT side, because Justin Lee is tolerant of those gay Christians who believe the Bible teaches that they need to remain celibate (even though he does not subscribe to that). He wants more than anything for everyone to come together with a discussion of love, so that we can all understand each other - and replace the long-standing hate with compassion.

Read this book. If you're a Christian, read it to overcome your LGBT prejudices. If you're LGBT, read it to understand that the truth is that Christians shouldn't be fighting this war they have been fighting, and to understand the love and compassion we should be having.

Side note: I "won" a prize in our local library's 2012 reading contest. I got to pick one book to be added to to the library. I felt like this was important enough to add. So if you live in the Huntsville area, you can literally "check this out" at the Huntsville library.

[Chris Schaeffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening. Certainly will never look at the Christian/Gay debate the same again. In fact, I'm not sure I even know where I stand anymore. I don't think I have any right to decide one way or the other. I'm called to love and serve, I'll just stick to that.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an issue I have struggled with. I know that I want to follow the commandment to love my neighbor and I also know that I (with my whole heart) want to support my gay family members. I want them to find the same kind of love that I have found, and I want them to feel welcomed, rather than rejected by the church. At the same time, I struggle with the debate about sin, and how my fellow Christians respond.

Before reading this book, I had decided that loving was my command, and that examining others for sin was NOT my command. I felt peace in that, but still wondered if I was copping out.

Reading about how Justin Lee examined his own life and this issue while living through the isolation and loneliness that he felt blew me away. This book is an honest and raw examination of what many gay Christians struggle with and was truly inspiring. I was inspired by his great faith in the face of such tremendous opposition. I was inspired by his true desire to follow God no matter what it cost him. I was inspired by his courage in speaking up at such a young age and when it cost him so much. I was inspired by the love he felt from his family, even when they too were struggling with their own confusion.

But most of all, I was inspired by his conclusions and the way he has turned this "debate" into his life's work. He has become a bridge builder, and is accepting of viewpoints that differ from his. Not only does he offer a safe haven for all Christians but he demands that same acceptance from both sides and has found a way to turn a very controversial and painful debate into an environment for building love and compassion and acceptance. His organization and his work is an example to all of us.

This should be required reading in any church...we all need some lessons in how to love our gay neighbors, and that lesson can be found in this book.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This whole book is just kind of ironic to me in some ways. I almost didn't get it, because I thought it was just a religious book and just the usual Christian stuff and as I am not a religious person, I threw it back into the promo bin at work (We get promo books for free and we can get whichever ones we want from the bin). Then I glanced back at the bin later and saw the word "gay" on it and was like, "Wait, what?" and actually read the whole subheading. Even then I was still a bit skeptical but I had an hour to kill for my break and so I started reading it and I loved it enough that I took it home and today I finally managed to finish it (I would have devoured it in a day had I not been so busy with school/work).

As I said before, I'm not a religious person. I personally don't believe in the bible but I kept an open mind and was genuinely curious to see how a Christian boy who discovered he's gay, would react to the whole situation. I found his story to be very interesting and it did make me reflect alot on instances I've seen where gays or Christians would treat one another badly because of their differences in beliefs. And I'm also partly at fault because I've put Christians as a whole before into just the category, "Anti-gay". I don't do that now but I have before. Thats not what pushed me from Christianity, but it certainly didn't help because I was so pro-gay (but there were many other issues that are part of the reason I would not be in the Christian faith).

All that said, the scriptures and such that were brought about in this book didn't bother me. The author does use religion alot but it wasn't something that bothered me and he never preached that he was the right one, or that the Christian faith is the right one and everyone else is wrong. I find it remarkable that he truly wants people of all sides to get along, even if they disagree with one anothers beliefs. I think that can be extended past the gay/christian debate and that if that was extended to every political issue, or every religion, things would be very different.

While I'm probably not going to change my own religious beliefs, I hope that religious groups (Christian, Islamic, etc) can change their ways to be more tolerant of LGBT people. That would be a good step to stopping some of the hate, the suicides, and other things gays face daily.

[Emma Ann]

Another book I read so I can give it to my dad, who is having a rough time with me having a girlfriend. I hope it helps.

[Ka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Justin Lee's Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-the-Christians Debate is a must read for anyone who cares about anyone who is gay, or knows anyone who is gay, or knows anyone who knows anyone who is gay. If you are a Christian, who has any opinion on the matter, you should open your heart and read this book. If you disagree with someone in the Church about any portion of "gay politics," you should read this book. Regardless of your current thoughts and opinions, you should read this book. Gay or straight, you should read this book. Lee has the ability to bring compassion and understanding to the table, to help people see into the hearts of those who are being hurt by the debates that are cutting across churches and communities throughout this country. With compassion and kindness, he breaks through the barriers and shows real love, the kind of love that Jesus practices, the kind of love that sits at the table with tax collectors, prostitutes, and those whom Christians keep calling "sinners," which he so gently points out includes all of us. Lee demonstrates how to love unconditionally, how to reach beyond what we think we know and really practice agape love.

Opening with his own story, Lee courageously walks readers through the turmoil he experienced as "God Boy," a kid who truly wanted to be a model Christian but discovered he was attracted to boys. He shares his commitment to remaining true to his biblical ideals, his truth, and his morality. He tells us how he didn't fit in with his friends at Church or his new friends in the gay community. He remains ever the gentleman while he explains how he was torn as he tried to discover what to do with his life, how to live, what was right for him. He moves on, though, and gives an overview of how so many are caught up this divide and how all are being hurt, and deeply so.

Lee has an amazing ability to truly bridge the gap - to talk sense to those on both sides of what this country has come to see as an "issue." He LISTENS, he HEARS, and he UNDERSTANDS what it is to want FAITH, to love God, and to have to come to peace with the person who does not fit the cookie-cutter ideal s/he may have grown up with. Lee is the ultimate peacemaker and his book should read by every Church leader and worker, by every Christian, and by every person who professes to have an opinion on anything related to the so-called debate, which shouldn't be a debate at all.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 2 out of 5]

The real-life nuance and struggle of a Baptist boy discovering and coming to terms with his homosexuality makes for an interesting perspective on the culture wars, and I appreciate the biographical element and how the middle ground perspective can help people on different sides of this issue understand and respect each other more. However, the title is misleading, because this book primarily emphasizes how Christian culture influenced the author's life, saying nothing about how the gospel can transform someone's identity and perspective on sexuality. Justin Lee attempts to reconcile two competing cultures, but is silent about the promises, demands, and transformation inherent in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Lee does not articulate Scripture's redemptive narrative throughout his book, much less explain how one can "rescue" the gospel from the culture wars. He explained and illustrated how "ex-gay" treatments fail at their aim of transforming sexual orientations, and talked much about the importance of love and grace, but never addressed how someone can experience spiritual transformation that changes their sense of identity and worth even in the midst of their ongoing same-sex desires. All throughout the story, Lee repeatedly set forth his own abstinence and church upbringing as proof that he was all right; he wanted the people in his life to understand that just because he had homosexual desires did not mean that he was in unrepentant sin or opposed to the will of God. I understand his frustration with negative stereotyping, but I wish he could have experienced the liberation of knowing that his identity and wholeness rested exclusively in Christ's work on his behalf, not on anything he did to keep or make himself acceptable.

Lee felt torn between his identity as "God Boy" and as gay, and wrote compellingly about those difficulties, but even though I respect his individual struggles and story, I must conclude that one will remain "torn" until they can put their identity in something far greater than an absorbed or adopted culture. Settling for some mixture of two cultures may feel comfortable and satisfying after a long and difficult struggle between them, but I believe that true identity is available in Christ alone.

If Christianity is all about quitting bad habits and abiding by a set of rules, then it would logically follow that the fundamental desires of homosexual people preclude them from the faith. The author resented that implication, and many of his arguments were logical and effective. However, he had little to no basis in the gospel, which teaches that we are all messed up people who are incapable of following God's law and cannot restore the brokenness within, no matter how hard we try to treat the symptoms. Christ's righteousness, credited to one's account, is the only thing that can make someone clean and whole. This is equally available to all regardless of their temptations and sin, and makes them completely and fully forgiven by God, as well as enabled to pursue Christian faithfulness according to Scripture's commands.

No matter what our struggles are, we all stand equal at the foot of the cross. While there are still many practical concerns to wrestle through regarding homosexuality, the gospel perspective upends bias, shunning, and self-hatred, and makes it possible for people of all different sin temptations to work towards holiness together. This book's emphasis on self-acceptance and community understanding is helpful, but even though it is grounded in typical Christian language, it is inadequate without a biblical understanding of the redemptive narrative and how Christ transforms individuals' abilities to die to themselves and follow Him. Justin Lee loved his church culture and loved God, but this perspective was wrapped around himself and his own efforts at meriting favor, wholeness, and peace. Torn between warring desires, he struggled to reconcile these two parts of his life, but it seems that he never learned how to lift his eyes to Christ to find transformation and healing outside of himself.

As an alternative to this book, I highly recommend Wesley Hills' book "Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality." It grounds the homosexual struggle clearly in the story of the gospel and provides both ideological and practical help for dealing with same-sex attraction and understanding gay brothers and sisters in Christ.

[David Sarkies · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gay and Christian in the Bible Belt
17 Aug 2022 – Brussels

I’m currently sitting out the front of Bruxelles-Midi waiting for my train to take me to Amsterdam. I probably didn’t need to wait for it but I wanted to take the high-speed train, namely because we don’t actually have anything in Australia that come remotely close to highspeed rail, though I do have to admit that when you end up taking them enough times then it all becomes much of a muchness. I was also going to suggest that it is much easier than taking a plane, until you discover that the process for boarding the Eurostar is particularly painful.

However, this isn’t a book about the wonders of trains that travel up to 300 kph, but rather the story of a man who is struggling between being a Christian and being gay. The thing is that this book looks from a different perspective from that of The Plausibility Problem in that Justin Lee argues that a committed same-sex relationship is okay in his eyes, and he explores this topic biblically as well. The thing that struck me is that throughout the book he constantly reminds us that he is trying to come to terms with his orientation while still honouring God.

Okay, I don’t necessarily agree with him, but honestly, I’m in no position to pass judgement on him, or anybody, considering that I am a particularly sinful person myself, and as Jesus points out we should be looking at cleaning out our own closets before we start telling others how to live their lives. The problem is that our closets are particularly dirty, and I don’t think that we would ever be in a position to say ‘well, that’s done, my closet is clean, so I guess I can start cleaning out other people’s closets now’. Actually, come to think of it, when we look at Jesus’ time on Earth, the people that he condemned the most were the religious leaders, who were going around passing judgement on everybody else.

I actually did really appreciate this book, and a lot of the things that he explores. He does look into some of the scientific ideas as to why some people are same-sex attracted, though he clearly points out that a lot of the ideas that the church has come up with in the past are utterly wrong. One popular idea that was floating around when I was younger was that children from single parent households were more likely to be gay, and living with a gay man who never knew his father didn’t help all that much. Mind you, that has been completely debunked time and time again, yet some of the more extreme churches will still push it. In fact, Lee points out that he came from a loving household that was the very definition of a traditional nuclear family.

As I mentioned, what I particularly appreciated was how Lee was telling us his story. For instance, when I was younger, there was always this idea that the gay community was sexually promiscuous and loved prancing around in leather. One image comes to mind from an early 80s movie called Police Academy, with the running joke of the Blue Oyster bar. Mind you, while that was a gay bar, it sort of had a different perspective since the people that went to the bar were the type of people you really didn’t want to mess with. However, what Lee was arguing was that the way the gay community was being portrayed was quite offensive since Lee, and others, were saying that they weren’t like that, and that they were not at all comfortable living that ostentatious lifestyle. They were just normal people who just happened to be attracted to members of the same sex.

Finally, one of the ideas that I was thinking about when I was reading The Plausibility Problem was about gay people marrying just to hide the fact from the church, and from the community. Lee does look at that, and points out that in a number of cases this was an absolute disaster. He even points to the ex-Gay ministries that love to parade these ‘success’ stories about, only to discover that these ‘success’ stories weren’t all that successful. In fact, it has since come out that a lot of these marriages have fallen apart, and the fact that divorces have sky-rocketed, even among Christians, suggests that a lot of these ‘sham’ marriages simply don’t work.

Anyway, I’ll leave it at that since I now need to go and catch my train to Amsterdam.

[Brittany Shields · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this is a valuable read (if read as a memoir) to hear Justin's story and to truly understand the hearts behind people who are gay Christians. However, although it does rightly to inspire our compassion, I would not recommend it for any theological content regarding homosexuality.

He is right to say that the church does not do enough to show people who are gay that they are not any lesser of a person and that God does not love them any less than the next heterosexual Christian. I can agree that the church has mishandled these situations and will, unfortunately, probably continue to do so. So I respect his call to the Church to show more compassion and thoughtfulness to people who are gay.

That being said, I would probably only recommend the first half of this book. As he claims to study the passages in the Bible that talk about homosexuality, he mishandles Scripture and comes to a conclusion that is not Biblical. He claims his studies led him to believe that God's words do not condemn same-sex committed relationships. However, he does not cite any of these commentaries or extra-Biblical texts or books to support this theory. Other scholars, more educated than he (as he even disclaimers of himself in his book) read the same passages and study them as well and come up with the same belief that has been held by Christians for many years. I can point to Wayne Grudem as one of these scholars that I feel has a better handle on interpreting Scripture and does not agree with Justin.

I think additionally to his misled conclusions, I was a bit turned off by his writing in general. To me, he came across a bit arrogant. He made it seem as if he were a one-of-a-kind gay Christian that no one could truly identify with, gay or otherwise, and that no one truly sought the same answers in the same way as him. He wrote that he basically believed it was his calling to single-handedly correct the Church as a whole from the error of their ways. That somehow he stumbled upon a completely unique interpretation so earth-shattering and central to his story that he was responsible for changing the world.

Though 'Gospel' was in the title of his book, I do not feel as if it was even mentioned in the book at all. All people are born with internal struggles and harmful or unnatural desires- it was not God's original design, but we are all born with the intent towards sin. But we don't have to be defined but those struggles or desires. Christ died and rose, breaking the chains of our sinful natures so we can live in freedom. It was clear in Justin's story that the title of 'gay Christian' was very important to him. He didn't feel truly known unless people knew him as such. I don't think Justin is ever going to feel truly loved, cared for, or understood, no matter what he believes the Bible teaches about homosexuality, until he stops defining himself as gay and starts letting freedom in Christ be his identity. That is what the gospel message is. And sadly, he didn't portray that in his book anywhere. That is the cause for my two-star rating.

For better theology, I would recommend Kevin DeYoung's book: "What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality?"

[M Christopher · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a pretty good book, not great, which has as its primary strength the winsomeness of its author. "Torn" is not very deep in its theology or psychology but gains an immediacy by being in large part the memoir of Justin Lee, telling the story of his sexual awakening, coming out, and personal struggle with the divide between cultural evangelical Christianity and the culture of the late twentieth century LGBT community.

It would be almost impossible, it seems to me, to read this book and not feel a friendly emotional involvement in Justin Lee's story. This raises the stakes for his otherwise commonplace review of the "Gays-vs.-Christians Debate." Nothing in his review of Biblical, psychological and sociological arguments in that debate was new to me. But seeing it all through the eyes of someone who was having to live it out in his own life was compelling. It was one thing for me as a "straight ally" to have had to figure all of these things out. It's something else entirely to read about a similar struggle for a young gay man.

I'm going to be recommending this book for people on both sides of the debate and for those who've found the blessing of God's love for ALL of God's children.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS. This is where Christians should begin to address gay issues in our society. THIS would help with healing and broken hearts and struggling lives. If we all would confront our own torn emotions and belief systems over this issue and every other modern 'culture war' issue with such love, compassion, and grace like Justin has showed in this book: the world would be a different place.

I think every Christian regardless of your thoughts on the LGBT "argument" should read this book. AMAZING.

[Alsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before I start this review, I want to quickly talk about what brought me to this book.
For ages, I have never understood why a committed, loving relationship between the same gender was wrong. Yes, the Bible seemed to say it was, but I'm the type of person that ABSOLUTELY NEEDS to know the reasons why. I needed to dig deeper. Plus, I was sick of the hate I had seen in churches, both from what I'd read of Christians commenting about the subject and what I had heard myself. I'd read stories of how gay people were treated, both in churches and schools, some showing hate towards Christianity because of the pain they went through. It saddened me deeply. Jesus wouldn't treat gays like that, right? He would be compassionate and loving. Why was everyone making homosexuality seem like the worst sin ever?

I ended up making internet searches, such as 'Why are people gay?','Why is being gay wrong', and other such questions. One reasoning that the net offered was that it was lustful attraction. But how does that work? As far as I was concerned, I had seen many examples of gay couples that had been together far longer than how long lust lasts for. You couldn't base a relationship entirely around lust. I had also heard people say that being gay was a choice. I knew, from my own experience that you didn't control who you were attracted to. Yes, you could choose to be in love with someone, and you had to choose to stay committed to them, but attraction wasn't a choice. There was many other reasons that apparently caused it, like bad parenting (as Justin Lee went over in the book), and sexual abuse, but that knowledge didn't satisfy me. Something told me there was more to it. I decided to go to books about Gay Christianity, and that's where I found Unconditional: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-Vs-Christians Debate. by Justin Lee

Justin Lee offered everything in his book that I had been searching for. His own story of being a Christian and discovering he was gay absolutely touched my heart. It was like I was experiencing every part of his story through Justin's eyes. I understood his pain and confusion. I was able to relate to his story so easily.

One thing that surprised me is that ex-gay ministries don't work. 'Straight conversion' has only been possible for a very small percentage of gays. I always felt bad that gays felt they had to change to be accepted, but I always figured that was the best way to go. To take it slowly and find a way to being straight. It had to be possible, right?

Obviously not.

Justin gave evidence by telling many stories of people that had tried their hardest to become straight, even getting married when they didn't actually feel attracted to the person, let alone be in love with them. But they figured that soon enough they would fall in love with their spouse. But it never happened, and they ended up searching elsewhere outside their marriage for more, and that tore apart the marriage even more. The feeling that they would never become straight brought them guilt and frustration. They would feel like they hadn't trusted God enough. Or they would feel like they hung on to a false hope, and that would bring them down greatly. It would even turn people away from Christianity completely, thinking they either had to become straight and then get back to the church, or accept themselves and leave Christianity.

Justin left a small percentage of the book to his Bible study of the verses condemning homosexuality. Because that was a part of his life, he needed to know how he was to live as a Christian. He used every Bible verse mentioning homosexuality and studied each one deeply. I applaud him for looking into the Greek words on the verses, and his study was very thorough. He was able to prove the Bible isn't actually 'anti-gay', rather than simply trying to justify his orientation with the Bible.

This book wasn't necessarily a book trying to convince you that being gay is right. It was written to bring understanding between the Christian and Gay community. So people are able to understand the struggles of being gay and Christian. Stories have power to change lives, and Justin was able to reach people through telling his. Unconditional is about loving people unconditionally no matter who they are, and showing compassion to the gay community rather than the hate that a good few Christians have shown. Justin talks about how it doesn't necessarily matter which side you are on - anti-gay or pro-gay - as long as you love people no matter what.

[Marcella Larsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this back in 2018 at the beginning of my deconstruction. It changed me and made me a better person ❤️

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember being told when I was 8, that if anyone brought up homosexuality in my sex ed class, I should use the word "dysfunction" to describe it.
I remember saying "love the sinner, hate the sin" and thinking it was a fair compromise and a loving way to view someone who was gay.

This is the way I grew up. As an adult, however, I have encountered actual gay people, ones I love, as well as fellow Christians who aren't offended by their lifestyle. After reading some books that delved into Paul's words about homosexuality that poked a decent hole in the doctrine that homosexuality was a sin, black and white, my views have begun to change.

Torn has tipped me over the edge. I knew that the modern church has been hostile to gay people, but I didn't realize how bad it was. And how shameful. Lee puts it well in saying that he doesn't have all the answers, but he is an expert on his own story. I was surprised by how effective just hearing his story was in opening my eyes to what's going on in the modern church, as well as all the ways Christians have failed the gay community.

Lee basically tells his life story, but also includes some though provoking analysis of the verses typically used to knock the lifestyle.

Best of all, Lee is extremely honest about the struggles of coming out, and he paints an excellent picture of someone who is gay but is also pursuing purity. That's a story that is rarely publicized and I dont know if I'd heard before (typically stories involve someone who is both promiscuous and gay).

Lee is very clear that he understands that Christians who oppose homosexuality are doing what they think is right. He is very gracious and we could all learn a lot from him and his approach.

[Delores · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from lips of “faithful Christians,” and the lies that spew forth from the pulpit of the churches “faithful Christians” drag their kids to on Sundays, give your straight children a license to verbally abuse, humiliate and condemn the gay children they encounter at school. And many of your straight children—having listened to mom and dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to the family and how gay sex makes their magic sky friend Jesus cry himself to sleep—feel justified in physically attacking the gay and lesbian children they encounter in their schools.… Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill your straight children with hate? They fill your gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words."

This book is one of the best I've ever read. It's helped me to see things that I was questioning. It gives me the permission I was seeking to feel the way I do and believe I can still be a good Christian, anyway. This book has quelled my fears and made me realise I am totally normal. Thank you Mr. Lee. Thank you.

[Ericka Andersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book to understand Justin's perspective and that of other progressive Christians on this issue. Really didn't know what to expect, but was pleasantly surprised and had never encountered someone who approached things this way.

First, I enjoyed reading about his personal story and love for Christ. Second, the fact that he had grace for and attributed goodwill toward the Christians in his life who didn't respond well to his coming out...is something I've rarely seen. I was much more inclined to hear him out because he wasn't calling names, denigrating the character of others, questioning their intentions or doubting their faithfulness to God.

I really had no idea how many Christians used to (still?) believe that being gay is a choice. I've never thought so and have never had much faith in "conversion therapy" like programs. This helped me to have more compassion for those navigating this and consider speaking up more. I love that he kept an attitude of grace and unity.

What's missing from this book and others of a similar nature is a conversation about Genesis and full context of the entire Bible. Justin covered the clobber verses -- fine -- but for me it's Genesis that is foundation of it all and we can't have a conversation about any of this without starting there.

[Squire Whitney: Hufflepuff Book Reviwer · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars!

Torn: Rescuing the Church from the God versus Gay Debate resonated with me even more deeply on the reread—as I have since undergone a shift in my faith and worldview. While I am straight and therefore can by no means entirely understand Justin Lee’s plight as a gay Christian, I identified even more during this reading with Justin’s experiences feeling out of place in the Christian world—seeing that other Christians often do not agree with some of the theological conclusions that I have reached; some even consider my views heretical. So I know what it is like to feel distant from and unaccepted by other members of one’s faith.

In Torn, Justin Lee relays his story as a gay Christian man who grew up in a conservative Southern Baptist church—detailing his initial efforts to turn himself straight by means of ex-gay therapy and describing how different Christians in his life reacted to his homosexuality. He goes on to tell about how he eventually reached the conclusion—by prayerfully studying the scriptures and reflecting upon its themes—that gay relationships can be honored and blessed by God. Lee uses a compelling blend of his own personal story, other people’s stories, data, science, and Biblical analysis to support his positions. At its heart, however, Torn lands far from an exegetical treatise. Instead, Lee strives primarily to help his fellow believers understand what it is like to be a gay Christian and how the church can better help support the gay community as a whole—regardless of its stance on homosexual relationships. He understands that different Christians will come to different conclusions on this divisive issue. He aims primarily not to change people’s minds about whether same-sex relationships are acceptable, but rather to affect the way that the church responds to LGTBQ Christians. As a mere memoir, Torn would easily have earned five stars.

Justin Lee’s heart, understanding, and vulnerability stood out as my favorite aspect of Torn. He never comes across as hateful or bitter—even when relaying personal stories about people who, I feel, entirely mistreated him. Instead, he aims to understand what drove these individuals to act the way that they did and pinpoint the worldview had gotten instilled in them. He consistently embodies the kind of grace, compassion, and love that all Christians ought to exude.

Lee even concludes the book by telling a story in which he was shown tremendous kindness and understanding by Tony Campolo, a famous Christian who believed that homosexual relationships are sinful. He writes: “No matter what theological views Christians might have on gay marriage, sex, or relationships, if all Christians loved as Dr. Campolo loved me in that moment, this world would be a completely different place.”

The only reason that I opted not to quite give Torn the full five-star rating is that the exegesis of the clobber passages seems slightly lacking. Lee seems to aim to get through this portion of the book quickly, since he never intended for it to be the primary focus of the book. For example, he discusses the word "arsenokoites" in some depth, but he never even mentions "malakoi,” and he never explores how these two words often get grouped together and translated as "homosexuals.” Lee seemed to want to give the reader a brief gist or overview of the complexity involved in understanding and interpreting these passages. Personally, though, I would have preferred a slightly deeper exploration into the text. Similarly, the overarching Biblical argument that he makes as to why the themes of the Bible give us Christians warrant to accept LGTBQ relationships strikes me as a bit overly simplistic. While he raises excellent points that have helped shape my thinking on the issue, there exists more nuance that I wish he would have explored more thoroughly.

Ultimately, I still have not altogether resolved what I think of Lee’s affirming stance toward homosexual relationships. His rock-solid and well-researched arguments certainly convinced me that ex-gay therapy does not work and that gay couples should be welcomed even in churches that hold traditional views on LGTBQ relationships—but the question remains for me as to whether or not God blesses committed same-sex marriage covenants. While affirming arguments are certainly compelling, and while I find myself leaning increasingly toward a side-A stance, I also find myself hesitant to affirm same-sex relationships without reservation. But perhaps I do not need a clear-cut answer. Maybe all I need to do is listen to people’s stories and love them where they are at, leaving the question of LGTBQ relationships up to gay Christians’ personal convictions and God’s ultimate judgment. That is where I feel God is calling me to stand on this issue, at least for now. I aim to exude the same type of Christ-centered love, grace, and acceptance that Justin Lee embodies. Props to this author for having written what has easily amounted to my favorite book pertaining to the homosexuality and Christianity debate thus far. While other works have proven more theologically rigorous, none have felt as vulnerable, and none have striven more poignantly to unite people from different perspectives. For all these reasons, Torn: Rescuing the Church from the God versus Gay Debate stands out as a must-read for all Christians; I believe that the church would grow into a much more welcoming community if we all were to read the work with an open mind and heart.

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

Realizing the answers I want to the questions I ask are subpar to the answers I receive to the questions I have yet to think about

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Justin Lee was called "God-boy" by the kids in school. Everyone knew him as a Jesus-fanatic, an outspoken member of the evangelical Christian community. Yet Justin had a secret: he was attracted to men. The problem was that his Southern Baptist background considered being gay a sin, or more precisely a disease to be cured of. In this book Justin tells his story and it is an important story to hear.

As I read, I could not help but recall being an adolescent, traveling through those confusing days of middle school and high school, trying to figure out your identity. What if Justin's secret had been mine? What if I was attracted to other guys, not through any choice of my own, but instead because I just was? How many other kids are out there like Justin - scared, feeling like they have nowhere to turn, moving towards hopelessness?

Justin spends a lot of time talking about his encounters with "ex-gay ministries". What he writes about such ministries is revealing. He discovered that the success stories in these ministries were not really success; the men were still attracted to men, they had just made the choice to be marry women. Justin saw first-hand how often such choices ended up damaging the families of these men, as their attractions to the same sex never went away.

Justin also spends a lot of time on the question of what makes people gay. As he came out to more people, and as he did more research, he found that the reasons given by Christians for why people are gay did not apply to him. Justin had never been abused, he had a wonderful relationship with his parents, overall he had a great upbringing. Nothing happened in his life to make him choose to be gay, he simply has always been attracted to men.

Overall, this is a well-written, thoughtful, grace-filled and challenging book. It could ruffle feathers, for Justin is still "God-boy" - an evangelical Christian strongly committed to Jesus Christ. Yet he concludes that being gay is no sin and he is open to a monogamous relationship if the right person comes along. I think whether you agree or disagree with Justin's conclusions, you ought to give him a hearing because you can't disagree with his story. Too many Christians approach issues like this as, well, as issues. It is forgotten that these "issues" are about real people with hopes and dreams, fears and flaws. Maybe if we begin to approach others as people to love and not just problems to solve we'll be a little closer to the dream of Jesus.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is important.

If you searched for this title, I can already say you need to read this. I won't waste too much of your time on a book summary (it seems there are plenty of reviews that can give you that). In one sentence, this is an autobiographical, avant-garde storytelling of a man's struggle growing up as a gay* Christian boy who wrestles with the church through rejection and reconciliation; he provides palpable hope for the Christians and LGBT communities to embrace one another in love.

If you are gay* this book seriously might change your life. If you know anyone who's gay and care about them, read this.

If you are Christian read this. If you know more than 100 people, read this book (because chances are someone you know struggles with this). This book will better equip you to love people and challenge your thinking in a great way.

Torn is funny, heart wrenching, thought provoking and very insightful. This review may seem oversimplified, but I don't want to say too much about Jusin Lee's story. His words are the start of a very important dialogue that hopefully will transform and heal the relationship between the church and the LGBT community. Pick it up and I trust you will soon be captivated and intrigued enough to breeze through this.

Semi-spoiler warning: The biggest awakening I had from reading this book is that people do NOT become un-gay (literally almost never) and that Ex-gay ministries boast of success that is not true. If you are a Christian reading this review, please pick up the book and let it equip you to better love, affirm and care for your gay friends beyond trying to "pray the gay away".


*When I use the word gay I mean attracted to the same sex

[Jenni Frencham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Justin Lee's new book Torn chronicles his journey as an evangelical Christian who realized he was gay, and the conflict between his orientation and his beliefs. Lee is calling for the LGBT community and the Christian community to lay down arms and declare a cease-fire.

Much of Lee's early experiences echoed my own: as a committed Christian, Lee was raised to believe that homosexuality is both a choice and a sin, but when he realized that he was gay, he had to revise his beliefs and come to terms with his desires and the reactions of those around him.

In addition to telling his own story, Lee also explains the common "clobber passages" from scripture that are often used to condemn gays and provides some suggestions for closing the gap between the gay community and the Christian community.

Lee is right that LGBT Christians are in a unique position - the Christian community, for the most part, is opposed to LGBT rights and is also naive regarding the true nature of the LGBT community. The LGBT community has been rejected by the church for so long that many will never darken another church door and often assume that anyone who identifies as a Christian must necessarily hate them.

Lee's book does an excellent job of beginning to bridge the gap, and he uses the best resource available to him: his own story.

[Readnponder · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I may not agree with 100% of Justin Lee's conclusions in this book, it is a much-needed contribution to the issue of gays and the church. Justin tells of growing up in a Southern Baptist church and a loving, intact, non-abusive home, yet realizing in adolescence that he had a same sex attraction. He always intended to go into ministry as an adult, but being gay created a complication. The title comes from how Justin internalized the culture war surrounding him.

I appreciate the honesty and integrity with which Justin tells his story. There is no name-calling or vitriolic venting in this book. He seeks to build bridges and debunk misinformation. Early on, he defines his terms -- e.g. attraction vs behavior. New to me were some facts about ex-gay ministries -- their track record and how they can create unrealistic expectations, which in turn may lead to self-contempt and depression. He also explains why "hate the sin; love the sinner" is a hurtful thing to say. Thank you, Justin, for educating me.

Justin spends time examining the various Bible passages mentioning homosexuality. He looks at the Greek/Hebrew of key words and the various interpretations given to these verses.

I work on a church staff and this is a title I will readily recommend to those seeking to learn more.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

No matter your stance, this is a worthwhile read.

[Travis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for every American Christian. Seriously. To quote another reviewer:

"No matter what your theological convictions on gay relationships, you need to read this book. If you think "gay Christian" is an oxymoron, you need to read this book. If you know someone who's gay, you need to read this book. If you don't know anyone who's gay, you need to read this book. If you think gays have an "agenda," you need to read this book. If you think the church knows how to show grace to gay individuals, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. If you are aware that the church is failing in this area, you need to read this book."

[Thijs Werkman · Rating 5 out of 5]

1 van de beste boeken over het christelijk geloof en homoseksualiteit als je het mij vraagt. Ik ben naar een lezing van Justin Lee geweest en dat was erg inspirerend. Een mooi emotioneel boek met een boodschap en goede informatie.

[Kate Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Christian should read this book.

[Jon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent for understanding the perspective of someone who loves Jesus and is gay. Justin's goal in this book is not to argue for or against same sex relationships in a Christian perspective, but to reframe the culture war-driven dialogue to be about how we love and include our gay (same-sex attracted) brothers and sisters as passionate Christ followers. He also shows how our own American idolatry of romance, sex, and marriage leaves singles (including celibate gay Christians) out in the cold. We do not live up to the "Church as new family" vision from the Bible, and the ostracization of gay Christians is what most drives them from the faith, not standards of celibacy. Justin accomplishes this objective well, and for this reason I would heartily recommend others read it. I'm also glad to have Justin as a brother in Christ.

Justin limits his own view personal view of the issue to one chapter (which I appreciate, given the overall goal) and this chapter makes an emotionally compelling case. However, while I see Justin's exploration as earnestly seeking truth (and more in-depth of an exploration than many Christians who disagree with him) I ultimately disagree with the intellectual framing of his conclusion and don't feel it stands up to a broader investigation of the issue than the in-depth original language verse examination he conducts (see a book such as "Does the Bible Support Same-Sex Marriage?: 21 Conversations from a Historically Christian View"). Since I think many in a younger generation are more likely to read that chapter and be swayed by the emotionally compelling nature of it instead of continuing to investigate further, it does give me enough reservation to not recommend it without an asterisk. That said, I still believe the book itself is well written and I do not want to punish its rating simply because I disagree with the author, so I am keeping it at five stars.

[Justin Xu · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO good! I was reading Romans with a good friend and lots of themes inevitably started to appear. Justin's story is so illuminating and did a great job of painting how much a Gay man dedicated to Christ can really feel so torn in today's Christian society. Definitely can hit upon some pretty heavy stuff at times, but really Justin's faithfulness shines through in every passage that he writes, and that powerful testimony is really what we need in our lives always. There really are no conclusive answers to the question at hand, but that's also not really the entire point of the book (of course it's still a big part). There are so many things the Church can address even with differing viewpoints. And I think it would be a disservice to the queer community as Christians if we didn't consider these issues ourselves and dive into the word and stories like these :).