Write More Badly: 7 Foolproof Tips for Writing Terrible Fiction

by Elmore Rounbottom

The first ebook to ever sell out is finally back in stock!!! So you’ve finally finished that novel. You edited it using the spell checker in Microsoft Word, and you paid your six year old niece five dollars to design a cover in Paint. Congratulations. Now you’re ready to publish it to the Kindle Store and begin raking in those scathing reviews. Or are you? Chances are that despite your best efforts, that book in your hands is still only mediocre. How are you expected to compete with the thousands of inexpertly written books published ahead of your own? Sure, mediocre is good, but terrible would be better. I’m Dr. Elmore Rounbottom. With the rising popularity of ebooks I have observed a growing number of authors looking to hastily publish the lowest quality fiction they were capable of. And while there are many instructional guides on how to improve the quality of your writing, the one Google search I performed didn’t find a single book devoted to the intricate art of writing more badly. So for the past hour and a half I’ve devoted my powerful doctor brain to analyzing exactly what steps you can take to ensure your book is excruciating to read. The tips in this book have been almost nearly scientifically proven to take your book from a barely passable piece of fiction to the worst bit of literature in the history of the English language. Topics of discussion What is a Plot and Why Don’t I Need One? Cutting Characters Out of Cardboard Just How Excessively Should I Use Adverbs? The Limitless Power of Exclamation Points!!! And much more. By following the simple steps outlined in this book you’ll soon be crafting prose capable of gagging a Vogon. Those one star reviews don’t write themselves, you know. Please There are actually 8 tips in this book, but since the cover was already done I couldn't change the title without paying my niece another five dollars. Praise for Write More “This is the best book I’ve ever read.” - Someone who’s never read another book. “I was up all night reading this book.” - An insomniac “This book should be made into a movie.” - A person with poor taste in movies “This book is better than the Bible.” - An atheist “There was nothing in this book that I don’t already know.” - Someone who writes badly “Even my family and friends gave my book a one-star review!” - Someone who actually applied the tips in this book. And be sure to download the audio version narrated by Mike Tyson!

17 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 6, 2013

Reviews

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This thing that is square and has words in it is interesting

Hitherto, I had always been frustrated by my inability to write completely meaningless and ungrammatical sentences that would no sooner form a narrative than press a Mack truck. But subsequent to reading !!! Dr. Ovateposterior's -- and by the way, here are some extraneous punctuation marks ;:? to make my review more boringly interminable and help you to lose any thread which there was though there wasn't -- work, I fined that I ken composte sentences that compleat Lee defy interpretation and induce narcolepsy in a turtle on benzodiazepine. Sow I have tú fulsomefully tank Dr. Elmo for the epiphal knee he has given me and my now-increased prospect of winning the "Man was that a Booker What?" Award as soon as I bother to write a book, witch I never will, because they seem to involve all these word thingies, so that is what I think though I can't remember what about. It is a great opus, very like a penguin, and you can, too!!!

[Jay Williams]

Clever way to make point

This was a clever and funny way to get the message to the reader (how to improve your writing). Much of it I think we've all heard before, but this helps drive the points home.

[Rae Ryans · Rating 5 out of 5]

A witty tongue in cheek look at the eight writing mistakes found in writing. Worth reading for a quick laugh and to make sure you're not breaking these rules.