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Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children
Society tells us that sex is an act of self-expression, a personal choice for physical pleasure that can be summed up in the ubiquitous phrase: "hooking up." Millions of American teenagers and young adults are finding that the psychological baggage of such behavior is having a real and lasting impact on their lives. They are discovering that "hooking up" is the easy part, but "unhooking" from the bonds of a sexual relationship can have serious consequences.
A practical look into new scientific research showing how sexual activity causes the release of brain chemicals which then result in emotional bonding and a powerful desire to repeat the activity. This book will help parents and singles understand that "safe sex" isn't safe at all; that even if they are protected against STD's and pregnancy, they are still hurting themselves and their partner.
177 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2008
78 people are currently reading
648 people want to read
About the author
Joe S. McIlhaney Jr.
9 books2 followersJoe S. McIlhaney, Jr., M.D., is a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist. In 2001, Dr. McIlhaney was appointed to the Presidential Advisory Council on HIV/AIDS. He also serves on the Advisory Committee to the Director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
In 1995, he left his private practice of 28 years to devote his full-time attention to working with the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, a nonprofit medical/educational research organization he established in 1992. As an innovator in the field of reproductive medicine, he introduced laparoscopy, gynecologic microsurgery and laser surgery to the Central Texas area. Along with three other physicians, Dr. McIlhaney was instrumental in bringing in-vitro fertilization and embryo transfer to Austin, Texas.
Dr. McIlhaney has co-authored over six books including Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development, and 1001 Health-Care Questions Women Ask.
Dr. McIlhaney resides in Austin, Texas with his wife, Marion.
In 1995, he left his private practice of 28 years to devote his full-time attention to working with the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, a nonprofit medical/educational research organization he established in 1992. As an innovator in the field of reproductive medicine, he introduced laparoscopy, gynecologic microsurgery and laser surgery to the Central Texas area. Along with three other physicians, Dr. McIlhaney was instrumental in bringing in-vitro fertilization and embryo transfer to Austin, Texas.
Dr. McIlhaney has co-authored over six books including Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development, and 1001 Health-Care Questions Women Ask.
Dr. McIlhaney resides in Austin, Texas with his wife, Marion.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews
February 22, 2023
First of all, did the author have an audience in mind? If so, I certainly couldn't figure out who it was supposed to be. The book's voice was simplistic to the point of annoyance. At one point he actually explained Herpes. I thought, "Are you kidding me? The author thinks his audience is so uninformed that they don't know about Herpes?" But then later, he throws around the word "plastic" as if his audience is supposed to understand that the scientific use of the word is NOT what they would intuitively think it to be. I don't know about you, but when I think of "plastic," I think of something hard. So he expects his audience, who is supposedly so uninformed that they don't know about Herpes, to understand that, in this context, plastic means flexible or elastic or mold-able or variation within a species? Really?
Second of all, the author is SO repetitive. Almost every chapter says the same thing. Over and over and over again. Ch 1. Hey, did ya know that casual sex is emotionally scarring? Ch 2. Guess what! Casual sex is emotionally scarring! Ch 3. You guessed it! Casual sex is emotionally scarring.
But that aside, this book annoyed me on a basic content level.
In the beginning of the book much ado was made about the author's education and career. He's been on boards that council the president. He heads an entire research foundation that explores sexuality and adolescents. So, I thought this guy would really know what he's talking about. I was quite interested in what science had to tell us on the issue of teenage sex. (HA! That sentence makes me sound like a perv.)
The author really didn't live up to the level of scientific rigor I expected.
The author kept saying that he was proving the value of monogamy with scientific evidence, but he didn't really present any. He made a lot of scientific assertions, and threw around a lot of statistics, and gave some nifty scientific definitions, but he didn't come anywhere close to convincing me of the validity of his assertions. He didn't discuss studies that were conducted with sexually permissive teens. He didn't explain any of the recent research in neurology or how it supports the research into the consequences of casual sex.
For example, at one point in the book, the author claims that casual sex damages the neurological circuits required for monogamy. Since when are there neural pathways that are responsible for and/or support monogamy? Isn't that an amazing scientific finding? Why not explain what scientists have found? What part of the brain is responsible for monogamy? How was it discovered?
I couldn't find a single instance in the entire book where the author took the time to detail any research to back up the claims he repeatedly asserted were proven fact.
Another thing that really bugged me is that the author repeatedly threw around statistics that were either misleading our at least out of context. For example, he kept listing the depression / suicide rates for sexually active teens. I'm quite skeptical. How was occurrence of suicide / depression conclusively tied to casual sex? I think common sense would tell us that the casual sex is a symptom of the real problem, just as the suicide and depression. Something is causing the child to act out through permissive sex & THAT is the cause of the elevated suicide / depression rate amongst sexually active teens.
Just because things are correlated does not make them cause and effect.
Another set of stats that were thrown around without any real context or explanation were the classic numbers you see for the problems associated with "shacking up." The relationships are less stable, more violent, more prone to infidelity, etc etc. Yet, it's a widely held theory that the problem is not with the act of actually living together, but rather with the people who choose to live together. Typically, people who engage in unmarried cohabitation are more likely to engage in the other destructive behaviors, whether they are shacking up or not. While, on the other hand, people who are more likely to postpone cohabitation until after marriage, hold more traditional views on relationship and are more likely to be monogamous and stay married. Neither living situation is responsible for the level of commitment or relationship harmony of the people involved. But it's always thrown around as if it's proof of something more than simply a person's bad life strategies / decision making.
Shouldn't a reputable scientist at least address this idea, even if, in the end, he rejects it & sticks with his original assertion?
So, overall, I was really unimpressed with the author's work.
I was even further annoyed when the author outright states that parents can now approach their children with scientific fact backing up their assertions about premarital sex. What is this, the chastity equivalent of Intelligent Design? Gotta have science to back your theology? Stand for what you believe on it's own merit. Don't run around looking for things to justify it. Seriously, you just make yourself sound like a dolt.
Second of all, the author is SO repetitive. Almost every chapter says the same thing. Over and over and over again. Ch 1. Hey, did ya know that casual sex is emotionally scarring? Ch 2. Guess what! Casual sex is emotionally scarring! Ch 3. You guessed it! Casual sex is emotionally scarring.
But that aside, this book annoyed me on a basic content level.
In the beginning of the book much ado was made about the author's education and career. He's been on boards that council the president. He heads an entire research foundation that explores sexuality and adolescents. So, I thought this guy would really know what he's talking about. I was quite interested in what science had to tell us on the issue of teenage sex. (HA! That sentence makes me sound like a perv.)
The author really didn't live up to the level of scientific rigor I expected.
The author kept saying that he was proving the value of monogamy with scientific evidence, but he didn't really present any. He made a lot of scientific assertions, and threw around a lot of statistics, and gave some nifty scientific definitions, but he didn't come anywhere close to convincing me of the validity of his assertions. He didn't discuss studies that were conducted with sexually permissive teens. He didn't explain any of the recent research in neurology or how it supports the research into the consequences of casual sex.
For example, at one point in the book, the author claims that casual sex damages the neurological circuits required for monogamy. Since when are there neural pathways that are responsible for and/or support monogamy? Isn't that an amazing scientific finding? Why not explain what scientists have found? What part of the brain is responsible for monogamy? How was it discovered?
I couldn't find a single instance in the entire book where the author took the time to detail any research to back up the claims he repeatedly asserted were proven fact.
Another thing that really bugged me is that the author repeatedly threw around statistics that were either misleading our at least out of context. For example, he kept listing the depression / suicide rates for sexually active teens. I'm quite skeptical. How was occurrence of suicide / depression conclusively tied to casual sex? I think common sense would tell us that the casual sex is a symptom of the real problem, just as the suicide and depression. Something is causing the child to act out through permissive sex & THAT is the cause of the elevated suicide / depression rate amongst sexually active teens.
Just because things are correlated does not make them cause and effect.
Another set of stats that were thrown around without any real context or explanation were the classic numbers you see for the problems associated with "shacking up." The relationships are less stable, more violent, more prone to infidelity, etc etc. Yet, it's a widely held theory that the problem is not with the act of actually living together, but rather with the people who choose to live together. Typically, people who engage in unmarried cohabitation are more likely to engage in the other destructive behaviors, whether they are shacking up or not. While, on the other hand, people who are more likely to postpone cohabitation until after marriage, hold more traditional views on relationship and are more likely to be monogamous and stay married. Neither living situation is responsible for the level of commitment or relationship harmony of the people involved. But it's always thrown around as if it's proof of something more than simply a person's bad life strategies / decision making.
Shouldn't a reputable scientist at least address this idea, even if, in the end, he rejects it & sticks with his original assertion?
So, overall, I was really unimpressed with the author's work.
I was even further annoyed when the author outright states that parents can now approach their children with scientific fact backing up their assertions about premarital sex. What is this, the chastity equivalent of Intelligent Design? Gotta have science to back your theology? Stand for what you believe on it's own merit. Don't run around looking for things to justify it. Seriously, you just make yourself sound like a dolt.
March 20, 2018
This book is propaganda masquerading as research. Dubious references prop up preaching moments. One paragraph literally dismisses the conclusions of evolutionary theory as it applies to human sexuality. The block quotes are all teenagers expressing regret over not waiting to have sex. Whether or not you agree with the conclusions of this book is unrelated to its merits: this wasn’t science. It was a sermon, and it felt dishonest.
September 24, 2018
I don’t know how this book is being received so well. If nothing else, the marketing is false. This book isn’t scientific and most of the claims made are correlative, but being presented as causative. I’m not at all amused at being force fed an abstinence only education text under the guise of the text being science. There’s a market for that and it ain’t me.
July 2, 2022
Based on recent research on the human psychology, this book tells the reader about the male-female relationship and the sexual behavior between them. The information provided is repeated time to time but I find it practical approach as it helps the reader to recollect and think about the facts described.
What I knew about the human sexuality earlier, the new findings tell the exact opposite history, which leaves me puzzled and confused. Clearly, we have a long journey ahead to know more about human brain, we'll be enlightened with new insights.
What I knew about the human sexuality earlier, the new findings tell the exact opposite history, which leaves me puzzled and confused. Clearly, we have a long journey ahead to know more about human brain, we'll be enlightened with new insights.
November 5, 2020
McIlhaney, Joe. M.D. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children
Thesis: sexual activity releases numerous chemicals into the brain that create emotional and neurological bonds between the participants. These bonds are values-neutral, even if the activity isn’t. The implication is that someone can find himself or herself bonding with the other even if he isn’t aware of it.
The authors give scientific explanations on what happens to the brain when the body engages in physical touching, sexual activity, etc. The chemicals create something like an addiction. For married couples, this is good. Sex makes them addicted to each other. I think there are passages in Paul and the Gospels where it says the same thing from a spiritual perspective (“one flesh,” “come together,” etc.).
But here’s the thing. This book got many angry because it seemed “preachy.” It isn’t. There is almost no discussion of religion or ethics. In fact, much of it is quite compatible with an evolutionary perspective (at least in the sense of the chemicals could be seen to further the continuation of the species, etc.). Why did people get mad? Because it tells the truth about hookup culture.
The book’s value is that it explains why premarital sexual activity is harmful at a deeper level than just “pregnancy” or “STDs.” Young people often need to know the rationale behind the prohibition.
Thesis: sexual activity releases numerous chemicals into the brain that create emotional and neurological bonds between the participants. These bonds are values-neutral, even if the activity isn’t. The implication is that someone can find himself or herself bonding with the other even if he isn’t aware of it.
The authors give scientific explanations on what happens to the brain when the body engages in physical touching, sexual activity, etc. The chemicals create something like an addiction. For married couples, this is good. Sex makes them addicted to each other. I think there are passages in Paul and the Gospels where it says the same thing from a spiritual perspective (“one flesh,” “come together,” etc.).
But here’s the thing. This book got many angry because it seemed “preachy.” It isn’t. There is almost no discussion of religion or ethics. In fact, much of it is quite compatible with an evolutionary perspective (at least in the sense of the chemicals could be seen to further the continuation of the species, etc.). Why did people get mad? Because it tells the truth about hookup culture.
The book’s value is that it explains why premarital sexual activity is harmful at a deeper level than just “pregnancy” or “STDs.” Young people often need to know the rationale behind the prohibition.
January 2, 2019
Well...that was four hours of vomit and screaming I won't get back.
It's entirely possible I should have realised I was going down a rabbit-hole with this one from the title, but I also have a book called This Is Your Brain On Sex on my TBR list, and I figured this would be something along those lines - scientifically tracing the effects of sex and the need for sex on human relationships, human goals and goal-setting etc.
Nope. Don't be deceived as I technically was. This is appallingly poor agenda-driving clothed in the vaguest of scientific language but really making a largely 'dominant paradigm of sexuality' appeal to the 'common sense' that a) sex is only good between men and women (only male-female relationships are covered here), b) it's only good - or at least it's always best - between MARRIED men and women, c) abstinence until marriage is the best way to be, and saves you from scary oogy-boogy consequences, and d) porn is the gateway to all the ills in the world.
This is not only a loathesome excressence of a book, it's an intellectually dishonest, poorly constructed book pushing an agenda of experiential ignorance and misery, wildly connecting sexual experience before marriage with suicidal ideation, using anecdotal quotes with no explanation of how they were gathered (at least not in the audiobook version) to promote the notion that what it calls 'casual' sex has mostly negative outcomes, and that the only really good sex is committed, married sex between men and women.
Sex should frankly sue the authors for defamation of character. Don't, under any circumstances, read or listen to this book. Consider me having taken that bullet for you on this occasion.
It's entirely possible I should have realised I was going down a rabbit-hole with this one from the title, but I also have a book called This Is Your Brain On Sex on my TBR list, and I figured this would be something along those lines - scientifically tracing the effects of sex and the need for sex on human relationships, human goals and goal-setting etc.
Nope. Don't be deceived as I technically was. This is appallingly poor agenda-driving clothed in the vaguest of scientific language but really making a largely 'dominant paradigm of sexuality' appeal to the 'common sense' that a) sex is only good between men and women (only male-female relationships are covered here), b) it's only good - or at least it's always best - between MARRIED men and women, c) abstinence until marriage is the best way to be, and saves you from scary oogy-boogy consequences, and d) porn is the gateway to all the ills in the world.
This is not only a loathesome excressence of a book, it's an intellectually dishonest, poorly constructed book pushing an agenda of experiential ignorance and misery, wildly connecting sexual experience before marriage with suicidal ideation, using anecdotal quotes with no explanation of how they were gathered (at least not in the audiobook version) to promote the notion that what it calls 'casual' sex has mostly negative outcomes, and that the only really good sex is committed, married sex between men and women.
Sex should frankly sue the authors for defamation of character. Don't, under any circumstances, read or listen to this book. Consider me having taken that bullet for you on this occasion.
December 2, 2013
The author started with great insight, and research to back it up, about the danger in multiple sex partners early in life while the brain is still developing. This quote summed it up nicely:
"Further, there is evidence that when this sex/bonding/breaking-up cycle is repeated a few or many times, even when the bonding was short-lived, damage is done to the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings."
It became apparent about halfway through the book that the author admonished pre-marital sex, though he might argue this admonishment is based on scientific evidence. All of the research and even the tone of the remainder of the book seemed more about the author's sense of morality and supporting this belief rather than science, and he lost me because of it.
"Further, there is evidence that when this sex/bonding/breaking-up cycle is repeated a few or many times, even when the bonding was short-lived, damage is done to the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings."
It became apparent about halfway through the book that the author admonished pre-marital sex, though he might argue this admonishment is based on scientific evidence. All of the research and even the tone of the remainder of the book seemed more about the author's sense of morality and supporting this belief rather than science, and he lost me because of it.
August 13, 2012
A must read for every human being. But if we can't get every human being, let's at least start with parents.
Our society is moving forward technologically at unprecedented speed. In my opinion, relationships that last for life, in our society, are dissolving at unprecedented rates as well. Many want and intend to have a person to spend their life with.... Why is it falling apart over and over again. The author has offered an excellent and easy to digest arsenal of neuroscience data to give us insight into what promotes and detracts from stable, long lasting, fullfilling commitments. Our children need this info. They still may choose to ignore it, but if they don't, we might see a revolution of happiness.
Our society is moving forward technologically at unprecedented speed. In my opinion, relationships that last for life, in our society, are dissolving at unprecedented rates as well. Many want and intend to have a person to spend their life with.... Why is it falling apart over and over again. The author has offered an excellent and easy to digest arsenal of neuroscience data to give us insight into what promotes and detracts from stable, long lasting, fullfilling commitments. Our children need this info. They still may choose to ignore it, but if they don't, we might see a revolution of happiness.
July 29, 2013
Is there really such a thing as sex with no strings attached? Drs. McIlhaney and Bush do a great job explaining what happens to our brains when we engage in sex and how the answer to that question is absolutely not. Whether we want them to or not, our brains respond to sex biochemically, regardless of our commitment (or not) to our sexual partner(s). The authors explain complex biological processes in an easy-to-understand conversational style, so this book could be used in a classroom setting. Some reviewers complained that the authors repeat themselves; I agree, but that doesn't mean that teachers couldn't assign and discuss only certain chapters. I highly recommend this book to anyone who works with or is parenting teens and young adults.
May 28, 2014
Not impressed. I get what the authors are trying to advocate and agree with them in principle; however, the authors call themselves scientists and yet can't seem to distinguish between correlated and causal relationships. Their hypothesis has merit: that activities engaged during the teen years can trigger certain chemicals in the brain that become addictive. We see this happen all the time with video games, therefore, why not sex? But where this book fails is in the authors' attempt to prove their hypothesis using correlations alone. I feel that if they had taken the time to do their own research, rather than cite every statistic from already published studies that support their abstinence agenda, they may have had a more credible book.
That being said, I did find the sections about "bonding" to be quite insightful. It helps the reader understand why people stay in troubled relationships or grieve so deeply over a failed relationship that the griever knows wasn't good to begin with. I think it is helpful for people, particularly teens, to differentiate which of their feelings belong to a temporary rush of neurochemicals in their brains and which are more lasting once those neurochemicals have subsided.
That being said, I did find the sections about "bonding" to be quite insightful. It helps the reader understand why people stay in troubled relationships or grieve so deeply over a failed relationship that the griever knows wasn't good to begin with. I think it is helpful for people, particularly teens, to differentiate which of their feelings belong to a temporary rush of neurochemicals in their brains and which are more lasting once those neurochemicals have subsided.
October 16, 2025
Clear, concise
This book makes it clear that a permissive sexual society is hurting our youth and also adults. Neurological tools identify the hazards of brain rewiring from early activity and multiple sexual partners.
This book makes it clear that a permissive sexual society is hurting our youth and also adults. Neurological tools identify the hazards of brain rewiring from early activity and multiple sexual partners.
August 21, 2011
A must read for anyone raising children in our highly sexualized society.
January 25, 2012
Just finished reading this book that was recommended by our youth pastor. Very sobering statistics on pre-marital sex. A must read for parents.
January 17, 2024
So my friend that has a Master in Counseling from Westminster recommended this book to me today when I said my oldest daughter has her first boyfriend. I listened to this book all in one day. It makes a case (using brain science instead of religion) for why abstinence until marriage is in our best human interest. I was familiar with the information, but still found the way the book presented it to be organized, compelling and helpful.
Some interesting quotes from this book…
“Another reason it is best not to become involved sexually before marriage, especially if one is a teenager, is that a relationship that becomes intense and or sexual prior to the age of 21, will probably not be permanent. As any adult can attest, infatuation is usually only short-lived, lasting only weeks or months, and not years as does true love.”
“20-25% of college women and 15% of college men are victims of ‘forced sex’ during their time in college.”
“The major difference between humans and animals from a purely physical perspective is that human beings have the most highly developed prefrontal cortex of all creatures. We are not robots controlled by our brain hormones and sex hormones. Yes - the brain chemicals and their impact on our thoughts and desires are powerful, but we have the capacity to control our actions. Indeed, to be fully human, we must. Therefore, in the early days of intense romance, we can (thanks to our prefrontal cortex) rationally think through the implications of the relationship and forgo sexual involvement. We can encourage our adolescents, college age students, and unmarried young adults to do this also.”
“When individuals become involved in sex in ways that are casual, careless or noncommittal, they are consciously or unconsciously attempting to separate sex from the rest of their personhood.”
“Your brain is a relentless shape-shifter - constantly rewriting its own circuitry. Because your experience are unique, so are the vast detailed patterns in your neuro-networks. Because they continue to change your whole life, your identity is a moving target - it never reaches an endpoint.”
In a book published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg outlines, “The 7 Cs of Resilience” that help teens resist the pressure to engage in sex and other risky behaviors.
1. Competence - ability to handle situations effectively
2. Confidence - belief in one’s own abilities
3. Connection - close ties to family, community, school and friends
4. Character - clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity
5. Contribution - giving to the well-being of others and making the world better
6. Coping - possesses positive adaptive strategies
7. Control - knowledge that choices and actions determine results
…We must help them find happiness even when things aren’t going their way.
“Now with the aid of modern neuroscience - and a wealth of research - it is evident that humans are the healthiest and happiest when they engage in sex only with the one who is their mate for a lifetime.”
“Porn is such a powerful initiator of the brain’s dopamine rewards system that the desire for porn can override the cognitive ability of the frontal cortex to make wise decisions about behavior.”
Some interesting quotes from this book…
“Another reason it is best not to become involved sexually before marriage, especially if one is a teenager, is that a relationship that becomes intense and or sexual prior to the age of 21, will probably not be permanent. As any adult can attest, infatuation is usually only short-lived, lasting only weeks or months, and not years as does true love.”
“20-25% of college women and 15% of college men are victims of ‘forced sex’ during their time in college.”
“The major difference between humans and animals from a purely physical perspective is that human beings have the most highly developed prefrontal cortex of all creatures. We are not robots controlled by our brain hormones and sex hormones. Yes - the brain chemicals and their impact on our thoughts and desires are powerful, but we have the capacity to control our actions. Indeed, to be fully human, we must. Therefore, in the early days of intense romance, we can (thanks to our prefrontal cortex) rationally think through the implications of the relationship and forgo sexual involvement. We can encourage our adolescents, college age students, and unmarried young adults to do this also.”
“When individuals become involved in sex in ways that are casual, careless or noncommittal, they are consciously or unconsciously attempting to separate sex from the rest of their personhood.”
“Your brain is a relentless shape-shifter - constantly rewriting its own circuitry. Because your experience are unique, so are the vast detailed patterns in your neuro-networks. Because they continue to change your whole life, your identity is a moving target - it never reaches an endpoint.”
In a book published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg outlines, “The 7 Cs of Resilience” that help teens resist the pressure to engage in sex and other risky behaviors.
1. Competence - ability to handle situations effectively
2. Confidence - belief in one’s own abilities
3. Connection - close ties to family, community, school and friends
4. Character - clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity
5. Contribution - giving to the well-being of others and making the world better
6. Coping - possesses positive adaptive strategies
7. Control - knowledge that choices and actions determine results
…We must help them find happiness even when things aren’t going their way.
“Now with the aid of modern neuroscience - and a wealth of research - it is evident that humans are the healthiest and happiest when they engage in sex only with the one who is their mate for a lifetime.”
“Porn is such a powerful initiator of the brain’s dopamine rewards system that the desire for porn can override the cognitive ability of the frontal cortex to make wise decisions about behavior.”
January 20, 2021
One of the books I want to read and reread. The content of this book is deep and in need of serious visitation. Understanding how sex works on the human brain will also give you a glimpse of GOD'S beautiful engineering. Created unlike none other, humans are a blessed bunch if only we knew WHO's image we are made in.
December 11, 2019
This book was really interesting as it focused on the chemical & physical affect on the brain of having casual sexual relationships. However, they repeated themselves several times, almost like they were trying to fill the pages. Then they spend the last 2.5 pages touching on how pornography affects the brain. This would’ve been really interesting to dive deeper into, but it felt thrown together without much context & ended pretty abruptly. It’s a necessary book & topic, but I wish they had gone deeper & were less repetitive.
April 9, 2019
I was so excited to read this because I misunderstood the premise and thought it was going to be an unbiased book with research on the hookup culture I'm growing up in. It took me about 12 pages before I realized that something seemed off and 20 pages before I decided to google the author and publisher. When I bought it, I didn't realize that it was going to be so biased and sex-negative; pushing abstinence until marriage. I'm having a hard time even thinking if I should finish it because the biased narrative outshines what I thought would be an unbiased presentation of data. I don't want to say "That's what you get with a Christian publishing company," but....it was obvious why the book was pushing abstinence. I really appreciated the various quotes sprinkled throughout, but every single one was sex-negative. Not a single quote discussed a sexual experience in a positive light.
February 6, 2022
An interesting look at the physiological processes of sex and how those influence our brains and subsequent emotions, attachments, etc. Beyond the admonition to not get pregnant and not get STDs, this book uses neuroscience to show how sex creates powerful responses in our brain (with oxytocin for women and vasopressin for men that are typically implicated with bonding and emotional attachment ideally meant for long term monogamous relations for child-rearing. Lots of helpful references and review of brain chemistry, development, and outcomes for those who remain abstinent until marriage. A relatively easy read, may be suitable for some teenagers.
Densem recommendation
Densem recommendation
March 30, 2018
This book is 100% neuroscience, data, and fact based on the impact that casual sex has on a person's brain, body, emotions, and function. Everything that you are not hearing about sex from common entertainment or cultures portrayal of sex. Take it from the Medical Doctors and Neuroscientists who wrote this book. Sex is a powerful thing and should not be used flippantly and carelessly. No wonder so many people's lives are falling a part surrounding this issue.
I highly recommend this book. Especially if you are a parent, teacher, or involved in young peoples lives in any way.
I highly recommend this book. Especially if you are a parent, teacher, or involved in young peoples lives in any way.
June 20, 2009
Bethany put me on to this title. It did have some interesting data about how sexual activity affects the developing brain. Written by doctors/scientists who clearly would like to see abstinence taught in our schools. Can't disagree, but the book did end up seeming a bit repetitive and pedantic.
January 12, 2012
There were some interesting things about the science of the brain but it still kind of felt like quasi-science. It felt repetitive, as well, like maybe the whole book could have been easily condensed to a magazine article.
Want to read
September 17, 2009Thanks Karen! This does look like a book worth checking out!
June 5, 2010
Great book for parents of teens AND for teens. This book includes many sources for the conclusions it makes about how our brains interpret sexual relationships.
October 7, 2012
Every person who has kids or is a kid or... well, just everyone should read this book. A book full of must-knows about your own personal brain chemistry and it's role in your sexuality!
Read
March 12, 2019Zero stars... if i could give negative stars i would.
November 9, 2024
This starts off strong, but quite literally for only a moment as it quickly morphs into Christian propaganda. I will give this book credit for its call to reform the definition of sex to be inclusive and holistic, which I definitely agree with. To understand pleasure, we need to understand human behaviour, and this read definitely tries to explicate exactly that...ish. While the discussion of things like dopamine and risk taking starts strong regarding hookup culture, and I acknowledge there is absolutely truth to that, it just quickly turned into this entire thing dedicated to blaming women and painting them as as the mercy of their irrational and imbalanced hormones, which I didn't appreciate in the slightest.
As someone with a background in medical sciences and biophysics, this novel without a doubt tried to use science to scare and pander to those without the knowledge to understand the nuance underpinning neuroscience. There was truly such a severe and irresponsible neglect of intersecting factors and presented marriage as this perfection that could save vulnerable youth from a life of destruction because of their hormones. I understand gynaecologists wrote this, but I believe there was minimal consult with external researchers in fields such as sociology, feminist studies, and historians, clearly.
The anecdotes used throughout were also used recklessly and immensely biased as they were truly wielded to fear monger. The statistics thrown in also are meant to scare, but are severely unreliable and untrustworthy without context (can you tell these are Christians?). For example, in a blanket statement, they say that studies show that those who have sex outside of marriage are more likely to divorce after they marry. What an outrageous statement that dangerously ignores intersecting factors. There are couples across the globe who not only had sex only in marriage, but also found out what sex even was on their wedding night. There are women globally begging for an ounce of relief from their husbands, who both did not engage in sex outside of their marriage, and can't possible afford even the thought of divorce due to family, society, and religious values. My grandmother was married at 15, my mother was married to a man she barely knew, and I refuse to continue the cycle. I mean truly, how dare you wield statements out of context like this for your silly little propaganda and Christian gain? This book was written by Christian gynaecologists who live in an echo chamber and are entirely unaware of what women globally go through. Come out of the clouds and touch some grass. Some of the most vile men I have ever met deeply align with marital sexual values, and some of the kindest men I know have wondrous sexual relationships outside of that.
As I tell my students when I grade their essays, I am not against what they have to say in the slightest. As long as they are able to formulate strong arguments rooted in fact, and not bias and opinion, they'll have that high grade. If you want to create a book discouraging hookup culture and premarital sex, I'm all for it and would love to hear the arguments. But not like this. To have wasted my Spotify audiobook credits on this is embarrassing. I highly, highly recommend readers to steer clear of this read.
As someone with a background in medical sciences and biophysics, this novel without a doubt tried to use science to scare and pander to those without the knowledge to understand the nuance underpinning neuroscience. There was truly such a severe and irresponsible neglect of intersecting factors and presented marriage as this perfection that could save vulnerable youth from a life of destruction because of their hormones. I understand gynaecologists wrote this, but I believe there was minimal consult with external researchers in fields such as sociology, feminist studies, and historians, clearly.
The anecdotes used throughout were also used recklessly and immensely biased as they were truly wielded to fear monger. The statistics thrown in also are meant to scare, but are severely unreliable and untrustworthy without context (can you tell these are Christians?). For example, in a blanket statement, they say that studies show that those who have sex outside of marriage are more likely to divorce after they marry. What an outrageous statement that dangerously ignores intersecting factors. There are couples across the globe who not only had sex only in marriage, but also found out what sex even was on their wedding night. There are women globally begging for an ounce of relief from their husbands, who both did not engage in sex outside of their marriage, and can't possible afford even the thought of divorce due to family, society, and religious values. My grandmother was married at 15, my mother was married to a man she barely knew, and I refuse to continue the cycle. I mean truly, how dare you wield statements out of context like this for your silly little propaganda and Christian gain? This book was written by Christian gynaecologists who live in an echo chamber and are entirely unaware of what women globally go through. Come out of the clouds and touch some grass. Some of the most vile men I have ever met deeply align with marital sexual values, and some of the kindest men I know have wondrous sexual relationships outside of that.
As I tell my students when I grade their essays, I am not against what they have to say in the slightest. As long as they are able to formulate strong arguments rooted in fact, and not bias and opinion, they'll have that high grade. If you want to create a book discouraging hookup culture and premarital sex, I'm all for it and would love to hear the arguments. But not like this. To have wasted my Spotify audiobook credits on this is embarrassing. I highly, highly recommend readers to steer clear of this read.
February 11, 2019
In the book Hooked, authors Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr. and Freda McKissic Bush explore how sex, and specifically casual sex, affects the brain. They write: “...sex can literally change a person’s brain, influencing the thought process and affecting future decisions. And therein lies both the benefit and the risk. When sex is experienced in healthy ways it adds great value and satisfaction to life, but when experienced in unhealthy ways, at the wrong time, it can damage vital aspects of who we are as human beings.”
Sex also releases chemicals in the brain. The authors write: “Sex is one of the strongest generators of the dopamine reward. For this reason, young people particularly are vulnerable to falling into a cycle of dopamine reward for potentially damaging sexual behavior. They can get hooked on it. But the beneficial effect of dopamine for the married couple is that sex may play a role in "addicting" them to each other and thus reinforcing their desire to remain together year after year.”
This was an excellent and challenging read. But it was written very academically. The information is tremendous but many people will find it difficult and technical to read. I would highly recommend this book. I received a copy of this e-book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Sex also releases chemicals in the brain. The authors write: “Sex is one of the strongest generators of the dopamine reward. For this reason, young people particularly are vulnerable to falling into a cycle of dopamine reward for potentially damaging sexual behavior. They can get hooked on it. But the beneficial effect of dopamine for the married couple is that sex may play a role in "addicting" them to each other and thus reinforcing their desire to remain together year after year.”
This was an excellent and challenging read. But it was written very academically. The information is tremendous but many people will find it difficult and technical to read. I would highly recommend this book. I received a copy of this e-book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
September 6, 2023
Holy shit. I picked this up at a book sale and it looked super interesting to me. I love science and psychology and all that jazz so I picked it up.
I read the first chapter last night and the only takeaway I got was sex = bad unless you are happily married and old. I don’t disagree that young people shouldn’t wait to have sex, but the author literally repeated this for an entire chapter. I thought, alright, maybe the beginning was just a little rocky. I couldn’t get through the second chapter. This feels like I’m being preached at in a church… religion hasn’t been mentioned but that’s just the vibe I’m getting. The “quotes” from teenagers might be real but they don’t seem like it (that’s not to say teenagers don’t ever regret having sex).
I don’t know if I inherently disagree with the content, but it almost feels like it could’ve been a pamphlet instead of a book.
Also, some of the stats seem odd - another reviewer mentioned the statistics about happier/married unhappier/not married numbers or something like that, but there are SO many other factors at play here. I don’t know, it just seemed like some of the statistics weren’t fully contextual. Idk. Anyway, I couldn’t bring myself to sit through another however many chapters listening to the same exact message over and over and over.
I read the first chapter last night and the only takeaway I got was sex = bad unless you are happily married and old. I don’t disagree that young people shouldn’t wait to have sex, but the author literally repeated this for an entire chapter. I thought, alright, maybe the beginning was just a little rocky. I couldn’t get through the second chapter. This feels like I’m being preached at in a church… religion hasn’t been mentioned but that’s just the vibe I’m getting. The “quotes” from teenagers might be real but they don’t seem like it (that’s not to say teenagers don’t ever regret having sex).
I don’t know if I inherently disagree with the content, but it almost feels like it could’ve been a pamphlet instead of a book.
Also, some of the stats seem odd - another reviewer mentioned the statistics about happier/married unhappier/not married numbers or something like that, but there are SO many other factors at play here. I don’t know, it just seemed like some of the statistics weren’t fully contextual. Idk. Anyway, I couldn’t bring myself to sit through another however many chapters listening to the same exact message over and over and over.
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February 28, 2021Do you like neuroscience? Interested in how the brain works? This is an excellent and straightforward book about how sex impacts your life now and in the future. Monogamy in a marriage relationship is not just for the super religious. Statistics and biology reveal the implications of treating intimacy overly casual. That casualness is what is being put in front of us more and more in books, comics, graphic novels, manga, tv shows, movies, etc. There is a level of innocence that is being violated and that results in normalization through reinforcement of concepts mixed in with a good story line. This familiarity with the topic and blurring of lines increases that casual attitude and sense of normalcy when it comes to physical intimacy in relationships. There is clear evidence through research that the authors discuss and provide references to showing the negative impact that casual sex has on your brain development, emotional development, current and future relationships, amongst other things. It is a quick read and puts it in objective terms. I would recommend this for 12+ depending on the reader's interest in learning. If they aren't interested, you read it and summarize ;-). Really good for adults to read who don't have kids as well.
August 30, 2022
This book is absolutely and irresponsibly harmful to readers. Besides being unabashedly and incredibly heteronormative, sex-negatively biased, it is poorly written. The authors give a guise of being scientific, but really they make wild causation (instead of correlation) assumptions to "prove" their (clearly religious) agenda of abstainance before marriage. The intended audience is also unclear- they condescendingly present "studies" to an audience whom they assume won't use critical thinking, straight up push advice on parents to tell their kids not to have sex before marriage (since when is advice is scientific?), and shame anyone who has ever had sex before marriage by listing "potential harms" of sex before marriage, and encouraging them to embrace a "secondary virginity." Virginity is a construct made by moral codes of human society/culture/religion, not a scientific term.
By the way, abstinence programs are NOT effective in reducing teen pregnancy, and shame is NOT the way to encourage people to make "good choices."
By the way, abstinence programs are NOT effective in reducing teen pregnancy, and shame is NOT the way to encourage people to make "good choices."
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