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Choices
People make mistakes, but they also make choices. It‘s important to James, that difference. He does his best not to confuse the two.
1986 pages, ebook
Published June 16, 2022
342 people are currently reading
1855 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 488 reviews
January 13, 2022
i cried every 30 pages
January 1, 2023
anddd it’s officially over. 624,185 words later. roll the credits.
“don’t go to troy.”
“i’m just as the world made me.”
“i meant to come back, i swear i did.”
“this is the moment regulus black makes his choice.”
“everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.”
i did not think i was gonna be able to finish this tbh BUT I DID IT!
this remains the saddest piece of literature ive read in my 16 years of living, so that’s something. and if you don’t know what ‘this is, don’t even worry about it!!
anyways rip literally everyone 🫢 except wolfstar for now. i think the authors writing a spin-off which is just so great 😐 will i be reading it? yes.
honorable mentions to: cerci greengrass, the secret meeting room, mary mcdonald, and also conan gray for writing astronomy
now i’m gonna go stare and the ceiling and process everything that just happened.
•
id like to say that this single-handedly turned me into an advocate of a slightly ridiculous ship AND MORE IMPORTANTLY an emotional mess. it’s been months. it’s been eight months. i’m not over it. i will never be over it. at least once a day you’ll catch me thinking about them. song of achilles has nothing on these bitches. i did not shed one tear reading about those dead greek people ok but i did. cry. internally, externally, eternally, thinking. about. choices.
i read this 400k+ word thing in a weekend (in the middle of january, finishing the last 200k in july) and that’s basically all i did (i mean yeah that’s a lot of words). anyways DONT READ THIS YOULL PROB CRY LIKE A LOT AND CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THIS TRAGICAL ROMANCE ALONG WITH YOU PRETENDING LIKE ITS NOT TEARING YOU APART
yes i made a playlist too
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ay...
at the end of the day, some people make mistakes, and others make choices. i made both a mistake and a choice reading this and yet i cannot regret it. that’s all.
“don’t go to troy.”
“i’m just as the world made me.”
“i meant to come back, i swear i did.”
“this is the moment regulus black makes his choice.”
“everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.”
i did not think i was gonna be able to finish this tbh BUT I DID IT!
this remains the saddest piece of literature ive read in my 16 years of living, so that’s something. and if you don’t know what ‘this is, don’t even worry about it!!
anyways rip literally everyone 🫢 except wolfstar for now. i think the authors writing a spin-off which is just so great 😐 will i be reading it? yes.
honorable mentions to: cerci greengrass, the secret meeting room, mary mcdonald, and also conan gray for writing astronomy
now i’m gonna go stare and the ceiling and process everything that just happened.
•
id like to say that this single-handedly turned me into an advocate of a slightly ridiculous ship AND MORE IMPORTANTLY an emotional mess. it’s been months. it’s been eight months. i’m not over it. i will never be over it. at least once a day you’ll catch me thinking about them. song of achilles has nothing on these bitches. i did not shed one tear reading about those dead greek people ok but i did. cry. internally, externally, eternally, thinking. about. choices.
i read this 400k+ word thing in a weekend (in the middle of january, finishing the last 200k in july) and that’s basically all i did (i mean yeah that’s a lot of words). anyways DONT READ THIS YOULL PROB CRY LIKE A LOT AND CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THIS TRAGICAL ROMANCE ALONG WITH YOU PRETENDING LIKE ITS NOT TEARING YOU APART
yes i made a playlist too
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ay...
at the end of the day, some people make mistakes, and others make choices. i made both a mistake and a choice reading this and yet i cannot regret it. that’s all.
May 29, 2022
i don’t know if i’ve ever hated a character more than i hate lucius right now
June 24, 2022
this is the most tragic book i’ve ever read in my life. It has completely changed me and I will never recover or be the same ever again. read if you wanna feel insurmountable heartbreak :)
UPDATE:
finished reading the new chapters today so now it’s time to spill the contents of my heart out.
terrible terrible terrible TERRIBLE. SHAME ON THE AUTHOR FOR WRITING SUCH A THING. nothing in the world could’ve possibly hurt me more than this. i have never ever ever ever felt more pain in my life. i feel like the author stabbed me in the stomach and reached in and grabbed the physical elements of my soul and then translated them into a. book. This book is a violation against nature, it’s full of so many things that ur just like not suppose to say it’s like reading somebodies deepest darkest secrets like omg it’s TERRIBLE. I annotated every 3 lines of this book. If i ever wanted anyone to know every single thing about me and know me at my most nakedest core i’d tell them to read this book along with my annotations. i could talk ab this book foreveR but i NEVER WANT TO I WANT tO FORGET I EVER READ IT. THIS IS A FUCKING SHAKESPEARWAN TRAGEDY I AM NEVER FUCKING READING A CANNON FIC AGAIN YOUD HAVE TO BEAT ME INTO SUBMISSION FOR ME TO EVEN THINK OF DOING SUCH A THING. If u think atyd hurt u choices will guT u like a fucking fish OMG THIS IS VILE.
100000000000000000000000infinity0000000/10 sacred book nothing will ever compare. this book is a religion. i worship it and reject it at the same time.
i cant even say my favourite quotes or something because it would literally be the whole book.
cant even tell you how many times i physically recoiled while reading this, the fuckinf chapter called “don’t go to troy” like why don’t u just UEHDJKQNSHDBEJAJS STOP. I HAVE TO READ 18 HAPPY MUGGLE AUS TO GET OVER THIS IM DYING.GOODBYE. I CANT WRITE ANYMORE.
UPDATE:
finished reading the new chapters today so now it’s time to spill the contents of my heart out.
terrible terrible terrible TERRIBLE. SHAME ON THE AUTHOR FOR WRITING SUCH A THING. nothing in the world could’ve possibly hurt me more than this. i have never ever ever ever felt more pain in my life. i feel like the author stabbed me in the stomach and reached in and grabbed the physical elements of my soul and then translated them into a. book. This book is a violation against nature, it’s full of so many things that ur just like not suppose to say it’s like reading somebodies deepest darkest secrets like omg it’s TERRIBLE. I annotated every 3 lines of this book. If i ever wanted anyone to know every single thing about me and know me at my most nakedest core i’d tell them to read this book along with my annotations. i could talk ab this book foreveR but i NEVER WANT TO I WANT tO FORGET I EVER READ IT. THIS IS A FUCKING SHAKESPEARWAN TRAGEDY I AM NEVER FUCKING READING A CANNON FIC AGAIN YOUD HAVE TO BEAT ME INTO SUBMISSION FOR ME TO EVEN THINK OF DOING SUCH A THING. If u think atyd hurt u choices will guT u like a fucking fish OMG THIS IS VILE.
100000000000000000000000infinity0000000/10 sacred book nothing will ever compare. this book is a religion. i worship it and reject it at the same time.
i cant even say my favourite quotes or something because it would literally be the whole book.
cant even tell you how many times i physically recoiled while reading this, the fuckinf chapter called “don’t go to troy” like why don’t u just UEHDJKQNSHDBEJAJS STOP. I HAVE TO READ 18 HAPPY MUGGLE AUS TO GET OVER THIS IM DYING.GOODBYE. I CANT WRITE ANYMORE.
February 2, 2023
tbr review
am i reading this knowing it will destroy my mental health? yes. i hate myself
i am so NOT ready for this heartbreak.
am i reading this knowing it will destroy my mental health? yes. i hate myself
i am so NOT ready for this heartbreak.
August 12, 2025
my favorite fic of all time <3
June 10, 2023
all my feelings for this book are bottled together and stored deep down. someone near the core of my heart. and i don't know how to get them out. i might not even want to. this fic ruined my mental health but it was fucking worth it. it's unfathomable, to be honest.
regulus' character had always fascinated me but it wasn't until i had read atyd that i decided to pick up a fic which had regulus as a main character and i'm so so glad it was this one (it's kinda ironic that it was a jegulus fic since i'm the #1 jily fan but ykw i'm also in love with jegulus now,,, lmao i did NOT expect this 😭 but can you blame me?)
the entire jily+jegulus thing messed up with my head like it just ended up hurting both of them, right? 😔 but it made the entire fic so much more realistic and complex, and i can't hate that.
also, why do i lowkey want to learn french now
i won't be able to say a word about jegulus because fuck they're just extraordinary. it truly does take centuries to grow that kind of love.
“he wants to set the world on fire. wants to take regulus somewhere far away where nothing can touch him. he wants to fix this. he knows he can’t.”
“and james thinks, this is what they mean, when they say love is falling. because he doesn’t know where the floor is. because he knows it’s going to hurt when they hit the ground.”
“he wants to be happy loving the things he has. because it’s killing him to want the things he doesn’t.”
“everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.”
“i would do it all again, you know. i would relive every miserable moment of my miserable life just for the chance to be yours.”
regulus' character had always fascinated me but it wasn't until i had read atyd that i decided to pick up a fic which had regulus as a main character and i'm so so glad it was this one (it's kinda ironic that it was a jegulus fic since i'm the #1 jily fan but ykw i'm also in love with jegulus now,,, lmao i did NOT expect this 😭 but can you blame me?)
the entire jily+jegulus thing messed up with my head like it just ended up hurting both of them, right? 😔 but it made the entire fic so much more realistic and complex, and i can't hate that.
i won't be able to say a word about jegulus because fuck they're just extraordinary. it truly does take centuries to grow that kind of love.
“he wants to set the world on fire. wants to take regulus somewhere far away where nothing can touch him. he wants to fix this. he knows he can’t.”
“and james thinks, this is what they mean, when they say love is falling. because he doesn’t know where the floor is. because he knows it’s going to hurt when they hit the ground.”
“he wants to be happy loving the things he has. because it’s killing him to want the things he doesn’t.”
“everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.”
“i would do it all again, you know. i would relive every miserable moment of my miserable life just for the chance to be yours.”
November 27, 2022
“everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”
December 4, 2023
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I struggled so much rating this because the highs in this book were very very high and the lows were very low. The writing is beautiful but overtime I just enjoyed reading it less and less. It’s not completed so my rating may change overtime but for now this is where I’m keeping it.
GOOD THINGS
This book started off so good. I had never laughed so hard whilst reading the first chapter, this mainly being because of the banter!! The banter in this book is beyond words on how perfect it is. It’s hilarious and realistic for teenagers. I couldn’t stop smiling, I love it.
I loved Remus’ and James’ relationship. You don’t always see much of them one on one in other books and I felt they were portrayed perfectly.
The conversations that James and Regulus’ had together in the astronomy tower. PERFECTION!
James having a bit of a panic attack after the first kiss was really relatable. I liked that representation.
I was dying reading the parts where Remus and James would talk to each other and not realise they were both gay. Especially when James thought Remus liked Mary.
The hospital scene where they lay together was the cutest thing I’d ever read.
The waking up together for the first time AHHHHH I was dying at how good James is to Regulus.
Regulus being tortured by Bellatrix killed me. It’s so fucked up but was written so well and was really realistic to Regulus’ story.
Kreacher’s character in this was really good. He clearly cares so much for Regulus.
The writing was so beautiful that I could only explain as feeling like the book was slowly killing me. It shows me nice stuff only to completely overthrow that with a lot of dark and traumatic stuff and make me literally want to die because there’s no happiness left.
I loved how James always asks for consent to touch Regulus. Even just to hug him or hold his hand. It’s so sad why Regulus needs that but it’s so good that James gives it.
Chapter 10 shattered me and attempted to put me back together but failed miserably.
The letters between Effie and James had me dying of laughter. I LOVE LOVE LOVE.
SIRIUS’ REACTION TO JAMES TELLING HIM HE LIKES DUDES KILLED ME IT WAS SO GOOD AND GENUINE
The funeral of Lilys father story and how she couldn’t be there kills me. It was a really good plot point.
Cute Lily and Sirius dinner date thingy I LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Cerci is such a good oc. I love her.
I think the situation with Mary and and Barty was a good plot point. It was realistic to the racism of that time between the wizards. Although it was so hard to read, I felt so sorry for Mary.
I’m so proud of Lily for confronting Severus in front of everyone.
Remus and Sirius in the basement of the Potters house on the full moon was cute in every way.
Salazar and Godric being gay and together was bloody shocking but beautiful.
Sirius comforting James during his little panick attack after James found out about Reg having the mark was sweet.
Marlene and Dorcas content.
The breakfast with mum thing at the cemetery.
James beating up Lucius at the ministry was incredibly reckless but very necessary.
Euphemia’s backstory of having kids was really sad but so good to read.
The flying battle was a good plot point and really enjoyable to read.
Arthur and Molly’s entrance and involvement is pure perfection.
The pregnancy potions and conversations between Lily and James about it was pure gold.
BAD THINGS
I felt like Regulus and James’ relationship was way too rushed. I would’ve preferred more of a build up, not necessarily a slow burn but slower than what it was.
I initially liked that wolfstar was included but now after reading it all, I felt the representation of their relationship was horrible and actually would’ve preferred if they were just not together in this fic.
I felt Regulus was so young (14) when their relationship started that almost made me a bit uncomfortable to read about it, especially when they spoke about sex and touching. I just think they were both too young.
I found that them going to the astronomy tower together so often was really unrealistic considering it was made a point to be a common place for people to hook up. How did no one walk in on them until that party? I even made a note saying they should use the room of requirements instead which was funny cause they did end up using that.
I didn’t really like how it wasn’t explained as if someone who didn’t know Harry Potter or the Marauders is reading it. It was explained like a fan fiction would be, not a book. I personally prefer when it’s explained so anyone can read it.
James would lowkey flirt with Lily while secretly being with Regulus. I really didn’t like that.
Although the writing was good, I really hated Sirius’ storyline with telling Snape about the tree. I think it was done much better in atyd. Sirius isn’t a murderer, he wouldn’t tell Snape to go on and get murdered. He wouldn’t put the guilt on Remus. The werewolf running after the stick thing was so dumb too. I just think it was too much. I couldn’t possibly see how you could come back from this. The whole locking away feelings thing feels like a shit excuse. I don’t like it.
Ew the Sirius saying Remus’ name while hooking up with Mary is so ew I just hate that trope with my whole heart.
When Sirius kissed Remus in front of everyone and then they clapped. That’s vomit, I hate that.
I didn’t like the funeral chapter, I just didn’t like the conversations and stuff. I thought it was off. It felt a bit disrespectful how some of them were talking like Mary and Alice. I didn’t like how there were questions about James and Lily AT A FUNERAL plus Mary was just too hyper.
Him helping protect Barty with the rape thing is wrong, it doesn’t make sense to his character if he’s been personally raped. I hate it.
I really don’t like Mary’s character, I get why she confronted James but I think in general her character is too much. She doesn’t see the line in the sand so she never realises when she’s gone over it.
Something I really don’t like in this book is how there’s no balance of angst and fluffy/normal stuff. It’s just angst and pain after pain. There’s barley any banter any more, anything nice. It’s a bit exhausting just having no break even if the writing is beautiful, it’s still necessary.
I don’t like this Mary and Reg plot line, it’s purely annoying to read and I just don’t give a shit.
I don’t like how Remus had to spend everyday with Sirius in the shack. It was selfish of Sirius to put him through that.
I can’t believe Mary did imperio on Crouch and the others. That literally shows she’s just as bad as them. She could’ve approached this in so many different ways. I pity her for what she went through but I hate her character in this.
I didn’t like the reunion of James and Regulus. It felt like he was cheating on Lily.
I hated Sirius kissing Mary. This is not how Sirius should be portrayed.
I can’t even enjoy any of the wolfstar storyline’s anymore because there’s too much hate between them now. It just feels wrong.
QUOTES
“For a boy who walks around like he’s made of stone, Regulus touches like the sun.” - James’ thoughts. ^This line was absolutely everything. It’s perfect.
“You’re not a poof, you didn’t even touch me” - Regulus.
^He definitely spent nights over thinking the fact that James didn’t touch or react back.
“You know what your problem is,” Regulus says finally, turning back around. “Nobody has really fucked you up yet, and they’re going to, one day, but it’s not going to be me. I don’t want that job, give it to someone else.”
“Reg,” James says eventually, voice soft, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “C’mere”
^I thought I was going to cry reading this because it was so cute but so sad.
“It takes James a minute to work out which words are worth saying, because he has so many of them. He always has so many of them for Reg.” - James’ thoughts.
“and put your dick away potter if you expect me to take you seriously” - Regulus.
^I gasped, had a hand to my mouth and then I laughed.
And then, almost as an after thought; “honestly Regulus, you must learn to strengthen your mind. We practiced this.” - Walburga
^You disgust me
“He barely has time to turn his head before he’s retching all over the kitchen floor.” - Regulus’ thoughts.
^James come and save this boy. He needs you to save him. My heart hurts.
“You see, Roger Flint was the first boy who didn’t care what Regulus wanted. But he wasn’t the last.” - Regulus’ thoughts
^Omg omg omg i’m reacting to this in a way that’s freaking me out. i’m crying but also can’t get out all my tears properly cause my heart is racing and i’m panicking. this is so fucked.
“When you have blood thicker than that mudblood you can’t get to fuck you?” - Regulus
^I hated that he said this.
“He wonders if anyone has ever died like this before? Because their heart just gave up.” - Regulus
“Regulus, I need you to breathe okay?” his eyes are pleading, and it’s not until that moment that Regulus realizes that he’s been hearing James Potter’s voice in his head the whole time.
Inhale. Exhale. - Regulus’ thoughts.
^Stop that’s the best thing ever.
“For every word he says James knows there are a dozen he doesn’t.” - James’ thoughts.
“Because he can already feel the cracks in his heart and he isn’t sure he can handle more.” - James’ thoughts.
“It frightens him, how much he feels about Regulus. And he finds himself wondering, for the first time, if maybe it’s wrong” - James’ thoughts.
^This scared me.
“J'ai peur de te blesser,” his voice is soft, changed by the different accent, the syllables gooey in a way they aren’t in English, “parce que je t'aime. Je pense que je le ferai toujours.” - Regulus.
^Please for the love of god just kill me so I may not suffer.
“I’m not going to azkaban just so you don’t have to deal with what a shitty person you are” - James
^I agree. I just hated all of this.
“I’ll kindly ask you not to refer to my students as ‘things’ Eileen.” Mcgonagall says coldly. “and I’ll tell you less kindly” Euphemia adds.
^GIRLBOSSES
“To slip out of his skin. It’s covered in their fingerprints. It’s barley even his” - Regulus’ thoughts.
^STOP THIS RIGHT NOW
“They’ve always been opposites, him and Reg. His brother hides behind dead eyes, Sirius hides behind a smile.” - Sirius.
“I paid for your freedom. Me. Your life for mine.” - Regulus.
“We must be the gayest year in Hogwarts history” - James.
Frank shrugs. “Family emergency.”
^Frank considered Remus’ mum’s funeral a family emergency. That melted my heart.
“you make me happy”
”you are my happy” - James and Regulus.
“If you are gonna break my heart you need to mean it”
“I don’t want to break any part of you” - James and Regulus.
“You are my son. You are the light of my life. The joy. I am stuck in this bed withering away but I die happy knowing that I gave the world you,” his father’s hands are shaking. “You are so beautiful my darling,” he wipes Regulus’s tears away with his thumbs. “You could never let me down.” - Orion.
“You knew!” his voice is jagged edges. His voice is empty stomachs, and locked doors, and his mother’s handprint on his cheek. His voice is Regulus being such a good boy.
^That description is beautiful in such a heartbreaking way.
“I think it was inevitable, me loving you. Does that make sense? Like I was always going to love you no matter what. Even if we never met, never sat in that compartment together, never got sorted into the same house or the same dorm. Even if I never knew you existed you would still be the person I loved and I would spend my whole life wondering where you were,” he swallows. “I don’t just love you because you’re here. I don’t just love you by accident. I love you because I was always going to love you. In this life and the next life and the one after that. The universe could have placed us on different planets and it would still be you.” - Remus.
^A tear rolled down my face.
“I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to hurt him. I’m so tired of hurting people.” - Regulus.
“I can’t go back. I can't be who I was before. Even if that person was easier to love.” - Regulus.
“Some choices hurt and some choices feel good and some choices linger for days and months and years. But there are always choices, and anyone who says otherwise is just too much of a coward to take responsibility for the ones they’ve made.”
“No one deserve your truth,” Mary cuts in. “Or your pain. No matter what they’ve done for you.”
“I love you Regulus”
“Just not enough” - James and Regulus
^That’s harsh.
“But she has touched boys. They just always felt like bodies. And Dorcas feels like magic” - Marlene’s thoughts.
^This was so perfectly described.
“If they hurt they hurt, pain isn’t a competition” - Lily.
"For a moment they just freeze again, caught up in one another, and James has the mad thought that Regulus is going to kiss him. And he’s going to let him." - James’ thoughts.
^Wtf. That’s so wrong. Lily deserves better than that.
“Is that what we’re doing? Getting through it? Because I just feel like I’m standing still Remus. Standing still and watching everyone I love bleed.” - Sirius.
“Do what you want Remus,” he says flatly, not about to ask for someone who might walk away at any moment. Not about to ask for someone who isn’t always there. Sirius has been left before. He knows there’s no point in begging people to stay. - Sirius’ thoughts.
^They’re both being dicks.
“I don’t even know what love means if it isn’t Sirius Black.” - Remus.
^I gasped.
Mary is unfazed. “I’m not running and I’m not pretending. I’m just not interested in being Dumbledore’s little bitch.”
^I strongly agree.
“It was a kiss Remus grow up.” - Sirius.
^Shut up. I hate both of them.
“Yes I heard you,” she finally manages to get herself under control, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. “But you see, the problem Crouch, is I get on my knees for no man,” she smiles then. “Men get on their knees for me.” - Mary.
^Yes they fucken do.
“Oh sure, it was Remus that Sirius wanted to screw, but it was always James that Sirius loved.” - Mary’s thoughts.
^That is worded horribly. It’s so disrespectful to Remus and Sirius’ relationship.
I struggled so much rating this because the highs in this book were very very high and the lows were very low. The writing is beautiful but overtime I just enjoyed reading it less and less. It’s not completed so my rating may change overtime but for now this is where I’m keeping it.
GOOD THINGS
This book started off so good. I had never laughed so hard whilst reading the first chapter, this mainly being because of the banter!! The banter in this book is beyond words on how perfect it is. It’s hilarious and realistic for teenagers. I couldn’t stop smiling, I love it.
I loved Remus’ and James’ relationship. You don’t always see much of them one on one in other books and I felt they were portrayed perfectly.
The conversations that James and Regulus’ had together in the astronomy tower. PERFECTION!
James having a bit of a panic attack after the first kiss was really relatable. I liked that representation.
I was dying reading the parts where Remus and James would talk to each other and not realise they were both gay. Especially when James thought Remus liked Mary.
The hospital scene where they lay together was the cutest thing I’d ever read.
The waking up together for the first time AHHHHH I was dying at how good James is to Regulus.
Regulus being tortured by Bellatrix killed me. It’s so fucked up but was written so well and was really realistic to Regulus’ story.
Kreacher’s character in this was really good. He clearly cares so much for Regulus.
The writing was so beautiful that I could only explain as feeling like the book was slowly killing me. It shows me nice stuff only to completely overthrow that with a lot of dark and traumatic stuff and make me literally want to die because there’s no happiness left.
I loved how James always asks for consent to touch Regulus. Even just to hug him or hold his hand. It’s so sad why Regulus needs that but it’s so good that James gives it.
Chapter 10 shattered me and attempted to put me back together but failed miserably.
The letters between Effie and James had me dying of laughter. I LOVE LOVE LOVE.
SIRIUS’ REACTION TO JAMES TELLING HIM HE LIKES DUDES KILLED ME IT WAS SO GOOD AND GENUINE
The funeral of Lilys father story and how she couldn’t be there kills me. It was a really good plot point.
Cute Lily and Sirius dinner date thingy I LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Cerci is such a good oc. I love her.
I think the situation with Mary and and Barty was a good plot point. It was realistic to the racism of that time between the wizards. Although it was so hard to read, I felt so sorry for Mary.
I’m so proud of Lily for confronting Severus in front of everyone.
Remus and Sirius in the basement of the Potters house on the full moon was cute in every way.
Salazar and Godric being gay and together was bloody shocking but beautiful.
Sirius comforting James during his little panick attack after James found out about Reg having the mark was sweet.
Marlene and Dorcas content.
The breakfast with mum thing at the cemetery.
James beating up Lucius at the ministry was incredibly reckless but very necessary.
Euphemia’s backstory of having kids was really sad but so good to read.
The flying battle was a good plot point and really enjoyable to read.
Arthur and Molly’s entrance and involvement is pure perfection.
The pregnancy potions and conversations between Lily and James about it was pure gold.
BAD THINGS
I felt like Regulus and James’ relationship was way too rushed. I would’ve preferred more of a build up, not necessarily a slow burn but slower than what it was.
I initially liked that wolfstar was included but now after reading it all, I felt the representation of their relationship was horrible and actually would’ve preferred if they were just not together in this fic.
I felt Regulus was so young (14) when their relationship started that almost made me a bit uncomfortable to read about it, especially when they spoke about sex and touching. I just think they were both too young.
I found that them going to the astronomy tower together so often was really unrealistic considering it was made a point to be a common place for people to hook up. How did no one walk in on them until that party? I even made a note saying they should use the room of requirements instead which was funny cause they did end up using that.
I didn’t really like how it wasn’t explained as if someone who didn’t know Harry Potter or the Marauders is reading it. It was explained like a fan fiction would be, not a book. I personally prefer when it’s explained so anyone can read it.
James would lowkey flirt with Lily while secretly being with Regulus. I really didn’t like that.
Although the writing was good, I really hated Sirius’ storyline with telling Snape about the tree. I think it was done much better in atyd. Sirius isn’t a murderer, he wouldn’t tell Snape to go on and get murdered. He wouldn’t put the guilt on Remus. The werewolf running after the stick thing was so dumb too. I just think it was too much. I couldn’t possibly see how you could come back from this. The whole locking away feelings thing feels like a shit excuse. I don’t like it.
Ew the Sirius saying Remus’ name while hooking up with Mary is so ew I just hate that trope with my whole heart.
When Sirius kissed Remus in front of everyone and then they clapped. That’s vomit, I hate that.
I didn’t like the funeral chapter, I just didn’t like the conversations and stuff. I thought it was off. It felt a bit disrespectful how some of them were talking like Mary and Alice. I didn’t like how there were questions about James and Lily AT A FUNERAL plus Mary was just too hyper.
Him helping protect Barty with the rape thing is wrong, it doesn’t make sense to his character if he’s been personally raped. I hate it.
I really don’t like Mary’s character, I get why she confronted James but I think in general her character is too much. She doesn’t see the line in the sand so she never realises when she’s gone over it.
Something I really don’t like in this book is how there’s no balance of angst and fluffy/normal stuff. It’s just angst and pain after pain. There’s barley any banter any more, anything nice. It’s a bit exhausting just having no break even if the writing is beautiful, it’s still necessary.
I don’t like this Mary and Reg plot line, it’s purely annoying to read and I just don’t give a shit.
I don’t like how Remus had to spend everyday with Sirius in the shack. It was selfish of Sirius to put him through that.
I can’t believe Mary did imperio on Crouch and the others. That literally shows she’s just as bad as them. She could’ve approached this in so many different ways. I pity her for what she went through but I hate her character in this.
I didn’t like the reunion of James and Regulus. It felt like he was cheating on Lily.
I hated Sirius kissing Mary. This is not how Sirius should be portrayed.
I can’t even enjoy any of the wolfstar storyline’s anymore because there’s too much hate between them now. It just feels wrong.
QUOTES
“For a boy who walks around like he’s made of stone, Regulus touches like the sun.” - James’ thoughts. ^This line was absolutely everything. It’s perfect.
“You’re not a poof, you didn’t even touch me” - Regulus.
^He definitely spent nights over thinking the fact that James didn’t touch or react back.
“You know what your problem is,” Regulus says finally, turning back around. “Nobody has really fucked you up yet, and they’re going to, one day, but it’s not going to be me. I don’t want that job, give it to someone else.”
“Reg,” James says eventually, voice soft, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “C’mere”
^I thought I was going to cry reading this because it was so cute but so sad.
“It takes James a minute to work out which words are worth saying, because he has so many of them. He always has so many of them for Reg.” - James’ thoughts.
“and put your dick away potter if you expect me to take you seriously” - Regulus.
^I gasped, had a hand to my mouth and then I laughed.
And then, almost as an after thought; “honestly Regulus, you must learn to strengthen your mind. We practiced this.” - Walburga
^You disgust me
“He barely has time to turn his head before he’s retching all over the kitchen floor.” - Regulus’ thoughts.
^James come and save this boy. He needs you to save him. My heart hurts.
“You see, Roger Flint was the first boy who didn’t care what Regulus wanted. But he wasn’t the last.” - Regulus’ thoughts
^Omg omg omg i’m reacting to this in a way that’s freaking me out. i’m crying but also can’t get out all my tears properly cause my heart is racing and i’m panicking. this is so fucked.
“When you have blood thicker than that mudblood you can’t get to fuck you?” - Regulus
^I hated that he said this.
“He wonders if anyone has ever died like this before? Because their heart just gave up.” - Regulus
“Regulus, I need you to breathe okay?” his eyes are pleading, and it’s not until that moment that Regulus realizes that he’s been hearing James Potter’s voice in his head the whole time.
Inhale. Exhale. - Regulus’ thoughts.
^Stop that’s the best thing ever.
“For every word he says James knows there are a dozen he doesn’t.” - James’ thoughts.
“Because he can already feel the cracks in his heart and he isn’t sure he can handle more.” - James’ thoughts.
“It frightens him, how much he feels about Regulus. And he finds himself wondering, for the first time, if maybe it’s wrong” - James’ thoughts.
^This scared me.
“J'ai peur de te blesser,” his voice is soft, changed by the different accent, the syllables gooey in a way they aren’t in English, “parce que je t'aime. Je pense que je le ferai toujours.” - Regulus.
^Please for the love of god just kill me so I may not suffer.
“I’m not going to azkaban just so you don’t have to deal with what a shitty person you are” - James
^I agree. I just hated all of this.
“I’ll kindly ask you not to refer to my students as ‘things’ Eileen.” Mcgonagall says coldly. “and I’ll tell you less kindly” Euphemia adds.
^GIRLBOSSES
“To slip out of his skin. It’s covered in their fingerprints. It’s barley even his” - Regulus’ thoughts.
^STOP THIS RIGHT NOW
“They’ve always been opposites, him and Reg. His brother hides behind dead eyes, Sirius hides behind a smile.” - Sirius.
“I paid for your freedom. Me. Your life for mine.” - Regulus.
“We must be the gayest year in Hogwarts history” - James.
Frank shrugs. “Family emergency.”
^Frank considered Remus’ mum’s funeral a family emergency. That melted my heart.
“you make me happy”
”you are my happy” - James and Regulus.
“If you are gonna break my heart you need to mean it”
“I don’t want to break any part of you” - James and Regulus.
“You are my son. You are the light of my life. The joy. I am stuck in this bed withering away but I die happy knowing that I gave the world you,” his father’s hands are shaking. “You are so beautiful my darling,” he wipes Regulus’s tears away with his thumbs. “You could never let me down.” - Orion.
“You knew!” his voice is jagged edges. His voice is empty stomachs, and locked doors, and his mother’s handprint on his cheek. His voice is Regulus being such a good boy.
^That description is beautiful in such a heartbreaking way.
“I think it was inevitable, me loving you. Does that make sense? Like I was always going to love you no matter what. Even if we never met, never sat in that compartment together, never got sorted into the same house or the same dorm. Even if I never knew you existed you would still be the person I loved and I would spend my whole life wondering where you were,” he swallows. “I don’t just love you because you’re here. I don’t just love you by accident. I love you because I was always going to love you. In this life and the next life and the one after that. The universe could have placed us on different planets and it would still be you.” - Remus.
^A tear rolled down my face.
“I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to hurt him. I’m so tired of hurting people.” - Regulus.
“I can’t go back. I can't be who I was before. Even if that person was easier to love.” - Regulus.
“Some choices hurt and some choices feel good and some choices linger for days and months and years. But there are always choices, and anyone who says otherwise is just too much of a coward to take responsibility for the ones they’ve made.”
“No one deserve your truth,” Mary cuts in. “Or your pain. No matter what they’ve done for you.”
“I love you Regulus”
“Just not enough” - James and Regulus
^That’s harsh.
“But she has touched boys. They just always felt like bodies. And Dorcas feels like magic” - Marlene’s thoughts.
^This was so perfectly described.
“If they hurt they hurt, pain isn’t a competition” - Lily.
"For a moment they just freeze again, caught up in one another, and James has the mad thought that Regulus is going to kiss him. And he’s going to let him." - James’ thoughts.
^Wtf. That’s so wrong. Lily deserves better than that.
“Is that what we’re doing? Getting through it? Because I just feel like I’m standing still Remus. Standing still and watching everyone I love bleed.” - Sirius.
“Do what you want Remus,” he says flatly, not about to ask for someone who might walk away at any moment. Not about to ask for someone who isn’t always there. Sirius has been left before. He knows there’s no point in begging people to stay. - Sirius’ thoughts.
^They’re both being dicks.
“I don’t even know what love means if it isn’t Sirius Black.” - Remus.
^I gasped.
Mary is unfazed. “I’m not running and I’m not pretending. I’m just not interested in being Dumbledore’s little bitch.”
^I strongly agree.
“It was a kiss Remus grow up.” - Sirius.
^Shut up. I hate both of them.
“Yes I heard you,” she finally manages to get herself under control, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. “But you see, the problem Crouch, is I get on my knees for no man,” she smiles then. “Men get on their knees for me.” - Mary.
^Yes they fucken do.
“Oh sure, it was Remus that Sirius wanted to screw, but it was always James that Sirius loved.” - Mary’s thoughts.
^That is worded horribly. It’s so disrespectful to Remus and Sirius’ relationship.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 31, 2022
4000 pages. still not a jegulus fan.
April 21, 2022
✨emotional damage✨
July 14, 2023
choices takes the dagger atyd jammed into my heart and twists it so bad that i cant see straight
February 19, 2024
i’ve been in a constant state of reading choices since may. when i wasn’t reading choices i was thinking about choices. i was listening to georgia. i was listening to the lakes. the emotional burnout levels were staggering. i will never recommend this to anyone. it will haunt me forever. 5 stars
August 31, 2022
i have wasted too much time that i should have spent sleeping and too many tears on this to not add it to my gr library/reading goal
February 20, 2024
THIS WAS EVERYTHING TO ME!
***
Hello, James and Regulus. I'm terrified of reading about you two in this one 😭
***
of course I have to read this after All the Young Dudes!!!
***
Hello, James and Regulus. I'm terrified of reading about you two in this one 😭
***
of course I have to read this after All the Young Dudes!!!
April 21, 2022
Im sobbing after chapter 53 just kill me now poor James
I wish reg had sent boo I rlly do
And good es poor baby Korea her
I wish reg had sent boo I rlly do
And good es poor baby Korea her
June 19, 2022
It’s cute but I don’t like some things and the ending got a bit boring and I got sad about James and Lily and Remus and Sirius, I hate how their relationships were ruined by the war but that’s not the authors fault it would be like that anyways.
Read
September 2, 2023RTC - when I stop crying
_______________________
It's the way I'm obsessed, yet also putting off finishing this because then it will end and I will end.
😭
(Honestly finally putting this in my cr so it forces me to look at it, so I am motivated to stop putting off the pain)
_______________________
It's the way I'm obsessed, yet also putting off finishing this because then it will end and I will end.
😭
(Honestly finally putting this in my cr so it forces me to look at it, so I am motivated to stop putting off the pain)
June 26, 2022
i know this is a fanfic but theres no way im reading 600k+ without it counting. absolutely amazing, sobbed so much. the writing & the parallels to the iliad >>
February 3, 2023
no one talk to me for a few days im gonna be crying in a corner because of this🥹
June 24, 2023
dnf at 3 chapters because who am i kidding i am NOT reading a marauders fanfiction just because its aesthetic and gay
February 25, 2025
Don't start your war yet. I'm not done being loved by him.
Now playing
^^Trust me on this.
Anyway, this was quite possibly the single angstiest, most depressing work of fiction I have ever read. And I. Am. Obsessed.
I can't lie, I'm not the biggest fan of the epilogue. Mixed feeling on that. Honestly, mixed feelings on several things. Including all the tweaking to the cannon timeline, ngl.
The only thing that I really DIDN'T like was the whole love triangle thing. Read: James being in love with them both, and thinking he can be with them both, like that isn't just gonna result in his hurting them both. Like, get it together. SO FRUSTRATING.
But I still freaking love this fic, and I'm afraid of a book hangover, especially since this was the main thing that kept me out of one after finishing atyd.
Also, can I just say, the portrayal of Regulus in this was... perfection? I love him sm.
Oh, and I made a playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3dD...
Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
January 6, 2023
”you gave me the stars.“
“and suddenly it’s important. important that they know. that after everything regulus finally made the right choice.”
”everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.“
”don’t go to troy.“
10000/10 stars. this book destroyed me in the best way possible. i was never much of a cryer while reading but THIS broke my heart.
This is my first Marauders Story and I never imagined it touching me like this.
When I now look at all the characters, their pain, love, loss, life - it all feels so big.
And for Reg: I fell in love with you, with a character barely mentioned in the original harry potter story, who is now and will forever be my favourite. All the pain and injustice and cruelty of this world - it’s the best and saddest & most beautiful thing i‘ve ever read besides Harry Potter. i cried. still do. i feel everything.
i love it so much that i made a PLAYLIST:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4bi...
you said, don’t go to troy. then why did u?
“and suddenly it’s important. important that they know. that after everything regulus finally made the right choice.”
”everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed.“
”don’t go to troy.“
10000/10 stars. this book destroyed me in the best way possible. i was never much of a cryer while reading but THIS broke my heart.
This is my first Marauders Story and I never imagined it touching me like this.
When I now look at all the characters, their pain, love, loss, life - it all feels so big.
And for Reg: I fell in love with you, with a character barely mentioned in the original harry potter story, who is now and will forever be my favourite. All the pain and injustice and cruelty of this world - it’s the best and saddest & most beautiful thing i‘ve ever read besides Harry Potter. i cried. still do. i feel everything.
i love it so much that i made a PLAYLIST:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4bi...
you said, don’t go to troy. then why did u?
April 15, 2024
whats up guys! im going to take a couple months off this account to recover!!
ps. I don't recommend this at all. you will temporarily lose vision due to tears.
beautiful ending, i was scared to get there.
ps. I don't recommend this at all. you will temporarily lose vision due to tears.
beautiful ending, i was scared to get there.
July 1, 2024
4.5 ☆ great interpretation of the canon story but unpopular opinion: i hate when they end up meeting in afterlife. It's giving me the ending of tvd and i'm not fond of it.
Read
July 21, 2022yuppp... not going to finish this. it's too much for my heart to handle. and i will not be rating either bc i have no idea how many stars to give
August 10, 2022
For all the pain this book has caused me, all the disgust, all the tears, all the jaw dropping shock, and the amount of intense emotion to the point of near numbness…by the time I got to the epilogue..it might (just might) have been worth it. I would never recommended this book to someone I care about. But at the same time I want to have it on my bookshelf to annotate it and revisit it over and over again. I can’t explain it.
March 12, 2024
March 2024: Im still amazed at how this fanfiction is the epitome of literature.. "“My magic. What does it…feel like…to you?” Regulus is holding himself still, his face hidden by his dark curls. James can feel the tension in him, knows the younger boy is trying to decide whether to give in or push back. It’s a process with Regulus. The walls don’t come down all at once but brick by brick. “Spring,” he says finally. “It’s—you feel like spring.” - WHAT? How can a human write this?
I revisited all the original HP books this year, and I can 100% say that fanfictions are 100% better.. this book is a masterpiece and needs to be studied.. over 2k of words that somehow feel like 200.. Choices is a book that is visceral, raw, brutal and at the same time, amazing, blissful and my safe space..
I'll always and forever cherish this book
I would love to know why the fuck I like to hurt myself over and over and over again.. like why did I have to re read this????? AND IN ONE DAY?!
This book will be forever my love, I just can't deal with how much love they feel for eachother, and I just wanted to say that I hated how Lily treated James.. she always knew she wasn't the one.
I'm just gonna leave yall with my favorite quotes from this bloddy masterpiece:
“People make mistakes, but they also make choices. It’s important to James, that difference. He does his best not to confuse the two.”
“They told me to take the mark,” Sirius explains, always in the same dead voice. Just once more, they keep saying, just a few more details. “I told them to fuck off and, well, you can imagine how well that went over.”
“You’re a menace you know that?” Remus shoots at Sirius before returning to his book, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice. “It’s all for you, my love.” James thinks, for a moment, that he sees blush blooming on Remus’s cheeks, but there isn’t much time to think on it before the carriage door is thrown open again.”
“This, life, all of it. We’re in it together. You care about him, you want to help, I get it. I think he should tell you the whole story, really I do. But I can’t tell you—because it’s not mine.”
“Moony,” Sirius says finally. “I’ll build you a bloody church if that’s what you want.”
“Sometimes I just wish,” Remus goes on, closing his eyes as he breathes out, “that I was someone else. Anyone else. Anything has to be better than this. Than me.” ”
“God, James can’t help but think, those fucking eyes. “As strange as this has all been, I really think it would be best for us to part ways now.” ”
“James feels his thoughts go in a million different directions at those words, unsure of what to address first. “Do you need to be saved Reg?” he manages finally. He isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but it’s certainly not the sad smile that peeks out of the corner of Regulus’s mouth.”
“Making regulus laugh is new. Good new. Really good new. It feels like scoring a goal in a quidditch match. Like scoring the winning goal.”
“James has started sleeping better, which is ridiculous considering how much less time he’s spending in bed. But it helps, for some reason, talking to Regulus. There’s something…steadying, about the other boy. Now when he closes his eyes, the darkness is full of stars.”
“We’re all there,” he says finally, still not looking at James. He wants so badly to ask him to explain but he doesn’t. He keeps waiting. After several painful minutes Regulus goes on; “Me, Sirius, my father—we’re all there, together, holding up the night sky,” he shakes his head, picking apart his fingers in his lap. “I started coming up here in second year, when Sirius stopped talking to me. Up there we’re still…whole. I don’t know. It makes me think that maybe in a different time, a different world, there’s an us that’s still—there’s a place that’s not like this.” ”
“No it’s really happening. Regulus Black is going to flirt his way into winning this Quidditch match. ”
“Fuck, something aches in his chest and he doesn’t know what it’s from but it hurts. Breathe. In and out. In and out. It’s okay. This is okay. This can be okay. It’s just a kiss. Except it isn’t. It’s Sirius’s brother. It’s Regulus Black. It’s a boy. Breathe. In and out. In and out. A boy who touches like the sun.”
“The wind feels colder now, James shivering as he wraps his arms across his chest. He wonders if everything will feel colder now. After Regulus.”
“This kiss is different. This time James feels all of it. Every inch of his body humming as Regulus opens his mouth and lets him inside. All James can think is yes.”
Regulus’s nose is cold but the rest of him is still so warm and James can feel it pouring into him, filling his chest. There are universes in this kiss. It is big—gigantic. His hands slide into Regulus’s hair. He smells like fall. Like quidditch.
“My whole life, everything has always been so cold and then you—you—and you started focusing it on me and I could feel it. Feel you watching me, feel you in my head, in my sleep. You take up so much space, you make everything so full. And it’s intoxicating. Just being around you, having all that power focused on me,” Regulus sounds breathless.”
“My magic. What does it…feel like…to you?” Regulus is holding himself still, his face hidden by his dark curls. James can feel the tension in him, knows the younger boy is trying to decide whether to give in or push back. It’s a process with Regulus. The walls don’t come down all at once but brick by brick. “Spring,” he says finally. “It’s—you feel like spring.”
“ “You understand? I don’t care about secrets or what people think, if you need to, you come find me, okay? Or even if you just want to.”
“I love you, James thinks. Nearly says out loud. Except he knows it’s too soon. Knows it’ll bring the fear back to Regulus’s body. So he holds his tongue. But he thinks it—thinks it into every stroke of his back, every kiss to the top of his head.”
“He snatches the shirt up off the floor by the foot of the bed, awkwardly shoving it over his head. When his face pokes through the collar he gets a look at Regulus properly for the first time, sitting crosslegged in the middle of the mattress, shirt untucked, curls a mess. James groans. “Merlin, look at you.” Regulus quirks his brow. “Look at me?” But James is already crawling towards him, kissing him again, and Regulus is laughing again, and it’s really all a very vicious cycle. “You’re beautiful,” James murmurs into his mouth. Regulus pushes him away, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “Go you lunatic,” he huffs, “before my brother sends out a fucking search party for you.” “Ugh,” James pulls himself back off the bed. “Good point.” He grabs his wand and shoves the map in his waistband. “Alright, I guess…” he gets as far as the door before looking back, Regulus still where he left him. “You’re okay?” James asks. And he means so much. He means about all of it. About everything. “Yeah James,” Regulus says slowly. “Yeah, I’m okay. I might even be happy, if you can believe it.”
“Regulus was eleven the first time he fell in love with James Potter. It was really rather inconvenient, since he had already decided to hate him.”
“A few months later, he watched James Potter punch Severus Snape in the face outside of the great hall. And, well, it was hard not to fall in love with him after that. ”
“I love you,” Regulus says, stare determined even as his voice shakes. “I’m sorry.” James doesn’t understand that, doesn’t know how to make sense of it over the blood rushing in his ears, the heart beating in his chest. “Don’t apologize,” he lifts himself up to Regulus’s mouth. “Don’t ever apologize for loving me.”
“Ignorance is peace, but knowledge is freedom.”
“You’ve been saving me,” he says instead, the next best thing. If he can’t wrap him in his arms he’ll wrap him in his words. “These past few weeks, everything that’s been going on with Sirius, if it weren’t for you I’d be sunk,” he takes in a deep breath, leaning closer but still not touching, it’s Regulus who ends up bringing their foreheads together. “You’re not bad Regulus.”
“Reg?” he hears himself say into the dark. “Mmm?” James tightens his arms around him. “You make me happy.” There’s no response, and James is fairly certain that Regulus has fallen asleep until a groggy voice spills into the night: “You are my happy.”
“I know it’s fucked up,” James rambles into his skin, he sounds wrecked though Regulus isn’t sure how he can be, he’s hardly touched him. “But sometimes all I think when I see you with other people is how much I want to fucking own you. To have them know that you’re mine.” He keeps working on Regulus’s neck between words, licking and kissing and biting.”
“I thought that Regulus was just using him to get at you, but he isn’t. Fuck Sirius, they love each other. I mean properly love each other. So I don’t know what I was supposed to do? It was wrong to lie, I know it was, but I couldn’t break James’s heart like that, not when I knew that it was something real.” ”
“It got all messed up didn’t it?” he whispers, words just for them. “I’m sorry about that. I know I let you both down. I know I didn’t figure it out fast enough. But maybe…in another life…” ”
“That somebody know; that after everything, Regulus Black finally made the right choice. Before he can stop himself Regulus reaches for the Quill and parchment still stuffed in his back pocket. The letter to Cerci he never wrote. That he never will write. He tears off a piece, ink splotching the page as he starts scribbling. ”
“They stay like that for a long time. Until Regulus’s breathing evens out, until his hands stop shaking. Boo settles him. Providing a comfort that Regulus has rarely felt. Like coming home.”
“Je t’aime, James,” he says eventually, hand sliding down, holding the stag’s face. “Je t’aime,” he gives Boo a wet smile. “Since I was eleven.” ”
“The darkness is good, though it does nothing about the sounds of flesh and bone dragging towards him. His breaths are getting shorter again, panicked, and he drops his head between his knees doing his best not to completely lose it.”
“Not until he feels the first curl of cold fingers around his ankles. I’ve been here before, he thinks nonsensically, lifting the tip of his wand to his temple, struggling to hold it there. The hands are starting to pull him towards the water. I’ve dreamed of this. “Avada-Kedavra.” Somewhere, in the West Country of England, James Potter can’t breathe.”
“Let me forgive myself. Let me let this go. I’m so tired of carrying this guilt around.
Regulus nods, sniffling and wiping at his face with the sleeve of his jumper. “It wasn’t your fault. You had to leave. I promise I know that. You had to leave. You had to leave me.”Sirius feels something in him break, something profound, and he can’t look at Regulus anymore. Tilting his head back against the wall and shoving the heels of his hands into his eyes. The emotions tear through him like a landslide, leaving broken homes in their wake. He’s waited years to hear Regulus say that.”
“I was scared,” Regulus says finally. “I saw what they did to you, when you spoke up or acted out and it scared me.”
“Because,” Regulus sighs, “because if I do it’ll be all you see when you think of me. And I don’t want that. I don’t want this to become all that I am to you. I’d rather you hate me because of what I’ve done. Not because of what was done to me.”
“For so long,” Sirius starts talking, not looking at Regulus. “I always knew where James was. At my side. Always at my side. And then one day I turned around and he wasn’t there and it felt like…” he forces the breath out through his teeth, body tensed. “The day you drew your wand on me, and the day James started lying to me, they feel the same. Maybe that sounds stupid but…I didn’t see either of them coming. I really fucking didn’t.”
“I love you James. Pathetically and desperately and always. Even when we didn’t speak. Even when I hated you I still loved you. Wherever you want me. However you’ll have me. I just want to be near you that’s all. I’m so tired of you being so far away. ”
“You were…the best part for me. Of being here. Of…being.”
“You were brilliant today,” James says, Regulus is practically in his lap, close enough that he can see the small flecks of gold in James’s eyes.”
“But—“ her voice cuts out and she grits her teeth. “But you loved him? Until the end?”“Still,” James winces. “I still love him.”
“More than once James finds Regulus’s eyes trailing over to them. Finds his own eyes trailing over to them. James lifts Regulus’s hand to his mouth, kissing each of his fingertips, his knuckles, enjoying watching Regulus fight back a smile.“You reckon anyone will ever find them?” he nods towards the initials.Regulus looks at them thoughtfully, letting James turn over his hand, kissing his wrist, the spot where his pulse would be.“Yes,” he says finally. “We did, after all.”James hums against his skin. “Big gap between us and them,” he still can’t quite believe it was really Salazar and Godric who had this room before them.“In another hundred years then,” Regulus says. “There will be another pair of idiots.”
“It takes centuries to grow this kind of love.”
“Which is how Regulus finds himself being lead through the Potter’s dining room, finds himself sitting on James’s other side, at a table full of people he knows he’s wronged. He wants to run away. To hide. To pluck those memories out of him one by one. But he doesn’t, and when James smiles at him it’s almost worth it.”
“Memories, and feelings, and thoughts, bumping into one another, struggling to find the light. To stay there. They crumble and rebuild, blurring the lines between one another. The past, the present, the hundreds of futures never touched, never given life, all thrumming through them. Alive. At once. And separately. And all of the time.The sun and the stars and the storm.Orbiting around one another.Above. Below. Watching.“It’s sad,” a voice in the void, “that we will never grow old together.”In and out of one another, leaving traces behind.“But can’t you see it? Don’t you know?”Warmth that bleeds into every corner of the universe.“That oh from us, so much will grow.”
I revisited all the original HP books this year, and I can 100% say that fanfictions are 100% better.. this book is a masterpiece and needs to be studied.. over 2k of words that somehow feel like 200.. Choices is a book that is visceral, raw, brutal and at the same time, amazing, blissful and my safe space..
I'll always and forever cherish this book
I would love to know why the fuck I like to hurt myself over and over and over again.. like why did I have to re read this????? AND IN ONE DAY?!
This book will be forever my love, I just can't deal with how much love they feel for eachother, and I just wanted to say that I hated how Lily treated James.. she always knew she wasn't the one.
I'm just gonna leave yall with my favorite quotes from this bloddy masterpiece:
“People make mistakes, but they also make choices. It’s important to James, that difference. He does his best not to confuse the two.”
“They told me to take the mark,” Sirius explains, always in the same dead voice. Just once more, they keep saying, just a few more details. “I told them to fuck off and, well, you can imagine how well that went over.”
“You’re a menace you know that?” Remus shoots at Sirius before returning to his book, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice. “It’s all for you, my love.” James thinks, for a moment, that he sees blush blooming on Remus’s cheeks, but there isn’t much time to think on it before the carriage door is thrown open again.”
“This, life, all of it. We’re in it together. You care about him, you want to help, I get it. I think he should tell you the whole story, really I do. But I can’t tell you—because it’s not mine.”
“Moony,” Sirius says finally. “I’ll build you a bloody church if that’s what you want.”
“Sometimes I just wish,” Remus goes on, closing his eyes as he breathes out, “that I was someone else. Anyone else. Anything has to be better than this. Than me.” ”
“God, James can’t help but think, those fucking eyes. “As strange as this has all been, I really think it would be best for us to part ways now.” ”
“James feels his thoughts go in a million different directions at those words, unsure of what to address first. “Do you need to be saved Reg?” he manages finally. He isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but it’s certainly not the sad smile that peeks out of the corner of Regulus’s mouth.”
“Making regulus laugh is new. Good new. Really good new. It feels like scoring a goal in a quidditch match. Like scoring the winning goal.”
“James has started sleeping better, which is ridiculous considering how much less time he’s spending in bed. But it helps, for some reason, talking to Regulus. There’s something…steadying, about the other boy. Now when he closes his eyes, the darkness is full of stars.”
“We’re all there,” he says finally, still not looking at James. He wants so badly to ask him to explain but he doesn’t. He keeps waiting. After several painful minutes Regulus goes on; “Me, Sirius, my father—we’re all there, together, holding up the night sky,” he shakes his head, picking apart his fingers in his lap. “I started coming up here in second year, when Sirius stopped talking to me. Up there we’re still…whole. I don’t know. It makes me think that maybe in a different time, a different world, there’s an us that’s still—there’s a place that’s not like this.” ”
“No it’s really happening. Regulus Black is going to flirt his way into winning this Quidditch match. ”
“Fuck, something aches in his chest and he doesn’t know what it’s from but it hurts. Breathe. In and out. In and out. It’s okay. This is okay. This can be okay. It’s just a kiss. Except it isn’t. It’s Sirius’s brother. It’s Regulus Black. It’s a boy. Breathe. In and out. In and out. A boy who touches like the sun.”
“The wind feels colder now, James shivering as he wraps his arms across his chest. He wonders if everything will feel colder now. After Regulus.”
“This kiss is different. This time James feels all of it. Every inch of his body humming as Regulus opens his mouth and lets him inside. All James can think is yes.”
Regulus’s nose is cold but the rest of him is still so warm and James can feel it pouring into him, filling his chest. There are universes in this kiss. It is big—gigantic. His hands slide into Regulus’s hair. He smells like fall. Like quidditch.
“My whole life, everything has always been so cold and then you—you—and you started focusing it on me and I could feel it. Feel you watching me, feel you in my head, in my sleep. You take up so much space, you make everything so full. And it’s intoxicating. Just being around you, having all that power focused on me,” Regulus sounds breathless.”
“My magic. What does it…feel like…to you?” Regulus is holding himself still, his face hidden by his dark curls. James can feel the tension in him, knows the younger boy is trying to decide whether to give in or push back. It’s a process with Regulus. The walls don’t come down all at once but brick by brick. “Spring,” he says finally. “It’s—you feel like spring.”
“ “You understand? I don’t care about secrets or what people think, if you need to, you come find me, okay? Or even if you just want to.”
“I love you, James thinks. Nearly says out loud. Except he knows it’s too soon. Knows it’ll bring the fear back to Regulus’s body. So he holds his tongue. But he thinks it—thinks it into every stroke of his back, every kiss to the top of his head.”
“He snatches the shirt up off the floor by the foot of the bed, awkwardly shoving it over his head. When his face pokes through the collar he gets a look at Regulus properly for the first time, sitting crosslegged in the middle of the mattress, shirt untucked, curls a mess. James groans. “Merlin, look at you.” Regulus quirks his brow. “Look at me?” But James is already crawling towards him, kissing him again, and Regulus is laughing again, and it’s really all a very vicious cycle. “You’re beautiful,” James murmurs into his mouth. Regulus pushes him away, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “Go you lunatic,” he huffs, “before my brother sends out a fucking search party for you.” “Ugh,” James pulls himself back off the bed. “Good point.” He grabs his wand and shoves the map in his waistband. “Alright, I guess…” he gets as far as the door before looking back, Regulus still where he left him. “You’re okay?” James asks. And he means so much. He means about all of it. About everything. “Yeah James,” Regulus says slowly. “Yeah, I’m okay. I might even be happy, if you can believe it.”
“Regulus was eleven the first time he fell in love with James Potter. It was really rather inconvenient, since he had already decided to hate him.”
“A few months later, he watched James Potter punch Severus Snape in the face outside of the great hall. And, well, it was hard not to fall in love with him after that. ”
“I love you,” Regulus says, stare determined even as his voice shakes. “I’m sorry.” James doesn’t understand that, doesn’t know how to make sense of it over the blood rushing in his ears, the heart beating in his chest. “Don’t apologize,” he lifts himself up to Regulus’s mouth. “Don’t ever apologize for loving me.”
“Ignorance is peace, but knowledge is freedom.”
“You’ve been saving me,” he says instead, the next best thing. If he can’t wrap him in his arms he’ll wrap him in his words. “These past few weeks, everything that’s been going on with Sirius, if it weren’t for you I’d be sunk,” he takes in a deep breath, leaning closer but still not touching, it’s Regulus who ends up bringing their foreheads together. “You’re not bad Regulus.”
“Reg?” he hears himself say into the dark. “Mmm?” James tightens his arms around him. “You make me happy.” There’s no response, and James is fairly certain that Regulus has fallen asleep until a groggy voice spills into the night: “You are my happy.”
“I know it’s fucked up,” James rambles into his skin, he sounds wrecked though Regulus isn’t sure how he can be, he’s hardly touched him. “But sometimes all I think when I see you with other people is how much I want to fucking own you. To have them know that you’re mine.” He keeps working on Regulus’s neck between words, licking and kissing and biting.”
“I thought that Regulus was just using him to get at you, but he isn’t. Fuck Sirius, they love each other. I mean properly love each other. So I don’t know what I was supposed to do? It was wrong to lie, I know it was, but I couldn’t break James’s heart like that, not when I knew that it was something real.” ”
“It got all messed up didn’t it?” he whispers, words just for them. “I’m sorry about that. I know I let you both down. I know I didn’t figure it out fast enough. But maybe…in another life…” ”
“That somebody know; that after everything, Regulus Black finally made the right choice. Before he can stop himself Regulus reaches for the Quill and parchment still stuffed in his back pocket. The letter to Cerci he never wrote. That he never will write. He tears off a piece, ink splotching the page as he starts scribbling. ”
“They stay like that for a long time. Until Regulus’s breathing evens out, until his hands stop shaking. Boo settles him. Providing a comfort that Regulus has rarely felt. Like coming home.”
“Je t’aime, James,” he says eventually, hand sliding down, holding the stag’s face. “Je t’aime,” he gives Boo a wet smile. “Since I was eleven.” ”
“The darkness is good, though it does nothing about the sounds of flesh and bone dragging towards him. His breaths are getting shorter again, panicked, and he drops his head between his knees doing his best not to completely lose it.”
“Not until he feels the first curl of cold fingers around his ankles. I’ve been here before, he thinks nonsensically, lifting the tip of his wand to his temple, struggling to hold it there. The hands are starting to pull him towards the water. I’ve dreamed of this. “Avada-Kedavra.” Somewhere, in the West Country of England, James Potter can’t breathe.”
“Let me forgive myself. Let me let this go. I’m so tired of carrying this guilt around.
Regulus nods, sniffling and wiping at his face with the sleeve of his jumper. “It wasn’t your fault. You had to leave. I promise I know that. You had to leave. You had to leave me.”Sirius feels something in him break, something profound, and he can’t look at Regulus anymore. Tilting his head back against the wall and shoving the heels of his hands into his eyes. The emotions tear through him like a landslide, leaving broken homes in their wake. He’s waited years to hear Regulus say that.”
“I was scared,” Regulus says finally. “I saw what they did to you, when you spoke up or acted out and it scared me.”
“Because,” Regulus sighs, “because if I do it’ll be all you see when you think of me. And I don’t want that. I don’t want this to become all that I am to you. I’d rather you hate me because of what I’ve done. Not because of what was done to me.”
“For so long,” Sirius starts talking, not looking at Regulus. “I always knew where James was. At my side. Always at my side. And then one day I turned around and he wasn’t there and it felt like…” he forces the breath out through his teeth, body tensed. “The day you drew your wand on me, and the day James started lying to me, they feel the same. Maybe that sounds stupid but…I didn’t see either of them coming. I really fucking didn’t.”
“I love you James. Pathetically and desperately and always. Even when we didn’t speak. Even when I hated you I still loved you. Wherever you want me. However you’ll have me. I just want to be near you that’s all. I’m so tired of you being so far away. ”
“You were…the best part for me. Of being here. Of…being.”
“You were brilliant today,” James says, Regulus is practically in his lap, close enough that he can see the small flecks of gold in James’s eyes.”
“But—“ her voice cuts out and she grits her teeth. “But you loved him? Until the end?”“Still,” James winces. “I still love him.”
“More than once James finds Regulus’s eyes trailing over to them. Finds his own eyes trailing over to them. James lifts Regulus’s hand to his mouth, kissing each of his fingertips, his knuckles, enjoying watching Regulus fight back a smile.“You reckon anyone will ever find them?” he nods towards the initials.Regulus looks at them thoughtfully, letting James turn over his hand, kissing his wrist, the spot where his pulse would be.“Yes,” he says finally. “We did, after all.”James hums against his skin. “Big gap between us and them,” he still can’t quite believe it was really Salazar and Godric who had this room before them.“In another hundred years then,” Regulus says. “There will be another pair of idiots.”
“It takes centuries to grow this kind of love.”
“Which is how Regulus finds himself being lead through the Potter’s dining room, finds himself sitting on James’s other side, at a table full of people he knows he’s wronged. He wants to run away. To hide. To pluck those memories out of him one by one. But he doesn’t, and when James smiles at him it’s almost worth it.”
“Memories, and feelings, and thoughts, bumping into one another, struggling to find the light. To stay there. They crumble and rebuild, blurring the lines between one another. The past, the present, the hundreds of futures never touched, never given life, all thrumming through them. Alive. At once. And separately. And all of the time.The sun and the stars and the storm.Orbiting around one another.Above. Below. Watching.“It’s sad,” a voice in the void, “that we will never grow old together.”In and out of one another, leaving traces behind.“But can’t you see it? Don’t you know?”Warmth that bleeds into every corner of the universe.“That oh from us, so much will grow.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 31, 2022
eh got boring quickly
also i'm too attatched to jily ngl
also i'm too attatched to jily ngl
April 28, 2025
this took me so long to read that it has to count towards my reading goal 😁
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