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Ukrainian Voices #15
The Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister
Killed by shrapnel as he served in the Ukrainian Armed Forces, Olesya Khromeychuk’s brother Volodymyr died on the frontline in eastern Ukraine. As Olesya tries to come to terms with losing her brother, she also tries to process the Russian invasion of Ukraine: as an immigrant living far from the frontline, as a historian of war and how societies respond to them, and as a woman, a civilian, and a sister.
In this timely blend of memoir and essay, Olesya Khromeychuk tells the story of her brother – the wiser older sibling, the artist and the soldier – and of his death. Deeply moving and thoughtful, The Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister picks apart the ways political violence shapes everyone and everything it touches and depicts with extraordinary intimacy the singular and complicated bond between a brother and sister. Olesya’s vivid writing is a personal and powerful commitment to honesty in life, in death and in memory.
In this timely blend of memoir and essay, Olesya Khromeychuk tells the story of her brother – the wiser older sibling, the artist and the soldier – and of his death. Deeply moving and thoughtful, The Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister picks apart the ways political violence shapes everyone and everything it touches and depicts with extraordinary intimacy the singular and complicated bond between a brother and sister. Olesya’s vivid writing is a personal and powerful commitment to honesty in life, in death and in memory.
207 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2021
28 people are currently reading
839 people want to read
About the author
Olesya Khromeychuk
17 books16 followersOlesya Khromeychuk is a historian of 20th century East-Central Europe, specialising in Ukrainian history. She has a PhD in History from University College London. Olesya has previously taught at King’s College London, the University of East Anglia, University College London and the University of Cambridge. She also runs a theatre company, Molodyi Teatr London, that stages documentary pieces exploring urgent social and political themes. Originally from Lviv, Olesya moved to the UK in 2000, since when she has been actively engaged in the life of the Ukrainian community in London and beyond.
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December 13, 2023Part of me wants to begin this review with superlatives; the rest of me feels that given the subject matter that is inappropriate, that something more sombre would be correct. Luckily for me, this tricky situation of word choice has already been well thought through. Andrei Koerkov in his forward to be book writes that reading this book is a complex intellectual and emotional challenge. That makes it sounds a little too challenging may be, but on the other hand I did read this quite slowly because it was emotionally and intellectually, well I don't want to say challenging, because it is about a death and I think everybody knows about death. But because we all know about death, reading about other people's experience of death is always engaging - even if in their encounter, death doesn't cheat at chess.
In this case death follows on from a small shrapnel wound incurred while the deceased was doing a job that a drone could have done better, during the earlier paet of the war in Ukraine, and perhaps your experiences of death are not like that; still there are points of comparison that have teeth and bite particularly I felt how as a bereaved person you find yourself in a very strange and unusual world, but you are surrounded by various professionals for whom death is their life and it is all completely normal.
I have the impression that the author is a human dynamo, she was teaching history at university level, and I believe that she was running a theatre group - the content of this book first existed as a stage play, or at least there was a stage play that was inspired by the same story, and I think that she founded the Ukrainian Institute in London. All of which just reminds me how much I would like to have a little sleep in the afternoons, though of course for all that I know, the secret of her energetic activities might be that she does have a sleep in the afternoons.
Aside from all that, no, let's put a line through those last words. The point of the previous paragraph is that for me this is a literary work that has been careful and thoughtfully staged to achieve an affect upon the reader. While it may offer insights into Ukraine and the war ongoing there since 2014, the main points, I think, are the universal ones; the journey of the bereaved in the wake of the dearly departed.
I felt that the story was presented as a series of postcards. Each chapter is a short story. Most of them could stand freely, and I think three of them were published first independently. I had the sense that the chapters could have been shuffled and printed in a different order and that would have left the reader with a different story with slightly different emphases, but perhaps I am daydreaming too much about Italo Calvino these days. The postcards are not arranged in chronological order, but possibly in an emotional order, and I think again of the theatre.
The book was published originally in English, rather than Ukrainian, which led me to the thought that in time of war, every action and inaction is part of the war effort whether consciously intended or not.
In this book the main part of the focus - and this may be a point that might be more relevant in Ukraine than in non-Ukrainian jurisdictions - is on the organisation of the war and the author's complex relationship towards the Ukrainian state and her homeland. I make a distinction because I felt that there was implicitly one in her account, on the one hand there is her childhood in Lviv, her childhood memories, and that she considers that they make particularly excellent coffee there; on the other hand there is a particular state structure with particular institutions, and institutional cultures with which she finds herself in a critical relationship.
The core of this for me was the chapter Masha. Maria, referred to by the diminutive Masha (even though she comes from western Ukraine, where usual she might be called Marisika) is a foil to the author. The author keeps her distance from Ukraine, her residence in Britain simply reflects her disengagement the country of her birth. By contrast Maria is committed, she is a soldier on the front line, she may have her doubts and her criticisms, but she resolves them in a contrasting manner to the author. Maria is a bit too good to be true, I suspect that she may be a composite of several people, but then again, war is a radicalising experience that can put people into curious situations. It is Maria that Olesya can talk with after her brother's death, and Maria who although wounded, distributes parts of Olesya's deceased brother's kit. She embodies the strong and effective lateral bonds in Ukrainian society and the impact of the Maidan protests - the revolution of dignity in politicising a generation (or two), and the role of women in the army in changing and forcing reform of that institution - reform whose necessity is represented in this book by the army's failure to provide adequate boots for her brother, which instead she buys for him. And perhaps subtly this is one of the themes of the book; that death, war, horror, are not simply full stops, but can be catalysts for change and new life.
A thoughtful, clever and tender book.
I could go on, but it would be good to leave something for you to discover for yourself.
In this case death follows on from a small shrapnel wound incurred while the deceased was doing a job that a drone could have done better, during the earlier paet of the war in Ukraine, and perhaps your experiences of death are not like that; still there are points of comparison that have teeth and bite particularly I felt how as a bereaved person you find yourself in a very strange and unusual world, but you are surrounded by various professionals for whom death is their life and it is all completely normal.
I have the impression that the author is a human dynamo, she was teaching history at university level, and I believe that she was running a theatre group - the content of this book first existed as a stage play, or at least there was a stage play that was inspired by the same story, and I think that she founded the Ukrainian Institute in London. All of which just reminds me how much I would like to have a little sleep in the afternoons, though of course for all that I know, the secret of her energetic activities might be that she does have a sleep in the afternoons.
Aside from all that, no, let's put a line through those last words. The point of the previous paragraph is that for me this is a literary work that has been careful and thoughtfully staged to achieve an affect upon the reader. While it may offer insights into Ukraine and the war ongoing there since 2014, the main points, I think, are the universal ones; the journey of the bereaved in the wake of the dearly departed.
I felt that the story was presented as a series of postcards. Each chapter is a short story. Most of them could stand freely, and I think three of them were published first independently. I had the sense that the chapters could have been shuffled and printed in a different order and that would have left the reader with a different story with slightly different emphases, but perhaps I am daydreaming too much about Italo Calvino these days. The postcards are not arranged in chronological order, but possibly in an emotional order, and I think again of the theatre.
The book was published originally in English, rather than Ukrainian, which led me to the thought that in time of war, every action and inaction is part of the war effort whether consciously intended or not.
In this book the main part of the focus - and this may be a point that might be more relevant in Ukraine than in non-Ukrainian jurisdictions - is on the organisation of the war and the author's complex relationship towards the Ukrainian state and her homeland. I make a distinction because I felt that there was implicitly one in her account, on the one hand there is her childhood in Lviv, her childhood memories, and that she considers that they make particularly excellent coffee there; on the other hand there is a particular state structure with particular institutions, and institutional cultures with which she finds herself in a critical relationship.
The core of this for me was the chapter Masha. Maria, referred to by the diminutive Masha (even though she comes from western Ukraine, where usual she might be called Marisika) is a foil to the author. The author keeps her distance from Ukraine, her residence in Britain simply reflects her disengagement the country of her birth. By contrast Maria is committed, she is a soldier on the front line, she may have her doubts and her criticisms, but she resolves them in a contrasting manner to the author. Maria is a bit too good to be true, I suspect that she may be a composite of several people, but then again, war is a radicalising experience that can put people into curious situations. It is Maria that Olesya can talk with after her brother's death, and Maria who although wounded, distributes parts of Olesya's deceased brother's kit. She embodies the strong and effective lateral bonds in Ukrainian society and the impact of the Maidan protests - the revolution of dignity in politicising a generation (or two), and the role of women in the army in changing and forcing reform of that institution - reform whose necessity is represented in this book by the army's failure to provide adequate boots for her brother, which instead she buys for him. And perhaps subtly this is one of the themes of the book; that death, war, horror, are not simply full stops, but can be catalysts for change and new life.
A thoughtful, clever and tender book.
I could go on, but it would be good to leave something for you to discover for yourself.
September 4, 2022
thanks to the publishers and netgalley for a free copy in return for an open and honest review.
Found this book sad and reflective about a soldier death in the earlier Ukraine war and has been updated to incorporate the recent Russian invasion 2022 of Ukraine. its written with lost and love of a person and also of her nation too.
Found this book sad and reflective about a soldier death in the earlier Ukraine war and has been updated to incorporate the recent Russian invasion 2022 of Ukraine. its written with lost and love of a person and also of her nation too.
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February 13, 2023This is a very moving, sincere and honest text. An intellectual, self-reflective approach of a scolar who studies war, yet tries to deconstructs personal emotions. This book is a struggle for a loss of a close one not to be turned into stats of war casualties.
Recognizable locations, from my school to Lviv airport (that does not function for a year already) made me feel very close to the author of this book, who had courage to share her personal story and managed to show so many nuances without wartime pathos, blending emotional and rational in perfect proportions.
Not an easy read but a necessary catharsis after all the losses of 2022.
Recognizable locations, from my school to Lviv airport (that does not function for a year already) made me feel very close to the author of this book, who had courage to share her personal story and managed to show so many nuances without wartime pathos, blending emotional and rational in perfect proportions.
Not an easy read but a necessary catharsis after all the losses of 2022.
December 18, 2023
Мені до цього не припадало читати про чийсь реальний досвід горювання.
Ця книга опинилась в мене випадково, видавництво переплутало книги і ось я з нею ознайомилась.
Це чесна книга, але з дистанціюванням. Думаю ця дистанція допомагає обом і авторці, і читачу.
Очима пані Олесі ми знайомимось з її братом, його рішенням стати добровольцем і ледь не одразу звісткою про смерть.
Ми проходимо поруч крізь перший шок і спустошення, морг, бюрократію, похорони, некрологи, сортування речей загиблого, компенсації і бажання несвідомо знайти розраду в кожній дії, яку чинять родичі після втрати.
Багато питань постають для мене вперше. Надмірна героїзація і помилки в некрологах і чи не спотворюють ці некрологи сприйняття реальності для побратимів і посестер.
Бізнес на похоронах і визітівки від можновладців опісля.
Бачення істориками воєн та битв як щось обезличене, хоча все робиться руками солдатів. І той факт, що за доклад на конференції британські історики отримують стільки, скільки отримували воїни АТО на нулі за місяць.
Все це ніби по дотичній, але влучно виявляє на поверхню авторка.
Ця книга опинилась в мене випадково, видавництво переплутало книги і ось я з нею ознайомилась.
Це чесна книга, але з дистанціюванням. Думаю ця дистанція допомагає обом і авторці, і читачу.
Очима пані Олесі ми знайомимось з її братом, його рішенням стати добровольцем і ледь не одразу звісткою про смерть.
Ми проходимо поруч крізь перший шок і спустошення, морг, бюрократію, похорони, некрологи, сортування речей загиблого, компенсації і бажання несвідомо знайти розраду в кожній дії, яку чинять родичі після втрати.
Багато питань постають для мене вперше. Надмірна героїзація і помилки в некрологах і чи не спотворюють ці некрологи сприйняття реальності для побратимів і посестер.
Бізнес на похоронах і визітівки від можновладців опісля.
Бачення істориками воєн та битв як щось обезличене, хоча все робиться руками солдатів. І той факт, що за доклад на конференції британські історики отримують стільки, скільки отримували воїни АТО на нулі за місяць.
Все це ніби по дотичній, але влучно виявляє на поверхню авторка.
March 20, 2022
A profound, heartbreaking meditation on loss and family, grief and war. Beautiful prose, a deeply personal story whose telling grows more and more necessary by the minute.
August 5, 2023
Olesya Khromeychuk is an academic and writer. She is also the director of the Ukrainian Institute in London. This book is a very personal and a very moving book. She wrote the book to speak about the grief and coming to terms with the death of her older brother Volodymyr Pavliv, called Volodya. He volunteered and joined the Ukrainian army in 2015. In 2017 he was killed at the front in Eastern Ukraine.
I remember how impressed I was when I heard her reading bits of the text the first time last year in March 2022 at an event in support of Ukraine shortly after the start of the full scale invasion. She read from the chapters "A Pair of Boots". In the first one "A Pair of Boots, Part 1" she describes her efforts to get a pair of army boots for her brother after he had volunteered to join the army. She wanted to have the perfect pair for him, not too heavy, the right size and preferable new. She found a pair and hoped these would keep her brother "warm, dry and safe". After he was killed she and her family decided to pass his things on so that someone else can use them. At the end of "A Pair of Boots, Part 2" she said to the boots "Good luck! You can keep someone else dry and warm now". She does not mention safe anymore, because it is clear that they can keep no one safe.
Olesya Khromeychuk wrote most of the book before the full scale invasion. The last chapters speak about what has changed since then.
I think it is an important and impressive book. It is a vivid reminder that the war against Ukraine did not start in February 2022, but rather in 2014 when Russia occupied Crimea and got involved in the Donbas and it shows the very personal consequences of the Russian aggression for many families and the author's way to cope with all of it.
I hope the book will find many readers.
I remember how impressed I was when I heard her reading bits of the text the first time last year in March 2022 at an event in support of Ukraine shortly after the start of the full scale invasion. She read from the chapters "A Pair of Boots". In the first one "A Pair of Boots, Part 1" she describes her efforts to get a pair of army boots for her brother after he had volunteered to join the army. She wanted to have the perfect pair for him, not too heavy, the right size and preferable new. She found a pair and hoped these would keep her brother "warm, dry and safe". After he was killed she and her family decided to pass his things on so that someone else can use them. At the end of "A Pair of Boots, Part 2" she said to the boots "Good luck! You can keep someone else dry and warm now". She does not mention safe anymore, because it is clear that they can keep no one safe.
Olesya Khromeychuk wrote most of the book before the full scale invasion. The last chapters speak about what has changed since then.
I think it is an important and impressive book. It is a vivid reminder that the war against Ukraine did not start in February 2022, but rather in 2014 when Russia occupied Crimea and got involved in the Donbas and it shows the very personal consequences of the Russian aggression for many families and the author's way to cope with all of it.
I hope the book will find many readers.
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May 17, 2024Не можу поставити оцінку цій книзі, бо не знаю, як таке оцінювати. Але дякую Олесі, що поділилась з читачами цією історією. Було відчуття, що спілкуюсь за чашкою чаю з подругою, що втратила брата, хотілось підтримати, чи принаймні уважно вислухати. На жаль, таких історій зараз надто багато. Але не кожен готовий ділитись своїм болем. Дякую автору, що поділилась, особливо для англомовної закордонної аудиторії. Війна - це не цифри і статистика, а люди, які захищають інших людей ціною власного здоров’я, а часто і життя.
February 28, 2023
An essential read. Khromeychuk’s blend of memoir and essay is deeply personal and informative on the war in Ukraine.
“Russia’s war against Ukraine did not start on 24 February 2022. It started in 2014 with the occupation of Crimea and parts of the Donbas.” “When my brother was killed, most west Europeans did not even remember that there was a war raging in Eastern Europe.”
The Death of A Soldier Told by His Sister is a short book at around 200 pages, with really short chapters, making it very accessible. I found it honest, raw, powerful and impactful.
Khromeychuk explores the complicated nature of her grief for her brother, killed on the frontlines, and her grief for her country. She is Ukrainian, is a historian, and lives in the UK, so also sees the western European perspective. I felt all of this gave her such vivid insight.
Following her and her mother’s experiences is heart-wrenching and brings the war right home. Like her, I had never before considered the awful bureaucracy of death. I do not have words for the nature of her brother’s death and how using the technology available could have saved him. Her writing is poignant and I have noted so many powerful quotes.
It came as a shock to me to realise the state of the Ukrainian army. I can only imagine the surrealness of searching for and buying gear online for her brother to wear at the frontline. Khromeychuk calls out those of us who have the privilege to look away from the war, and I realised my own ignorance of the reality of it.
The Death of A Soldier Told by His Sister is intensely thought-provoking, and I recommend everyone read it.
“Russia’s war against Ukraine did not start on 24 February 2022. It started in 2014 with the occupation of Crimea and parts of the Donbas.” “When my brother was killed, most west Europeans did not even remember that there was a war raging in Eastern Europe.”
The Death of A Soldier Told by His Sister is a short book at around 200 pages, with really short chapters, making it very accessible. I found it honest, raw, powerful and impactful.
Khromeychuk explores the complicated nature of her grief for her brother, killed on the frontlines, and her grief for her country. She is Ukrainian, is a historian, and lives in the UK, so also sees the western European perspective. I felt all of this gave her such vivid insight.
Following her and her mother’s experiences is heart-wrenching and brings the war right home. Like her, I had never before considered the awful bureaucracy of death. I do not have words for the nature of her brother’s death and how using the technology available could have saved him. Her writing is poignant and I have noted so many powerful quotes.
It came as a shock to me to realise the state of the Ukrainian army. I can only imagine the surrealness of searching for and buying gear online for her brother to wear at the frontline. Khromeychuk calls out those of us who have the privilege to look away from the war, and I realised my own ignorance of the reality of it.
The Death of A Soldier Told by His Sister is intensely thought-provoking, and I recommend everyone read it.
February 10, 2022
Just finished reading this slim book... Author Olesya Khromeychuk has the courage to explore the razor fine lines between the tragedy and banality of death, even if it is a soldier’s death that is a death in one’s family. It will linger in my memory for a long time, I’m sure.
Loss- such an apt title for a reflection on interrelated losses –of home, identity, of life itself. The grief is palpable – yet mostly held at a distance so as not to overwhelm – it is experienced as one of many feelings being confronted for the first time in such heightened reality. The chapters are brief – interspersed with excursions of fantasy, reflecting her brother Volodya’s own artistic imagination. There is even humor – evoked by the bureaucracies of death and funerals, of public self in such intensely private times. Most of all, it is a portrayal of coming to terms with a relationship bound in family and place, in the strong filial devotion perhaps unacknowledged before Volodya’s death; of reconstructing a life that was itself in search of self and meaning, then cut short by a routine fatal danger that frequently characterizes protracted wars. It is also an effort to come to terms with the definition of heroism, sung and unsung, and of the cynical disregard in life and exaltation after death of those who are fighting to protect Ukraine’s sovereignty.
Loss- such an apt title for a reflection on interrelated losses –of home, identity, of life itself. The grief is palpable – yet mostly held at a distance so as not to overwhelm – it is experienced as one of many feelings being confronted for the first time in such heightened reality. The chapters are brief – interspersed with excursions of fantasy, reflecting her brother Volodya’s own artistic imagination. There is even humor – evoked by the bureaucracies of death and funerals, of public self in such intensely private times. Most of all, it is a portrayal of coming to terms with a relationship bound in family and place, in the strong filial devotion perhaps unacknowledged before Volodya’s death; of reconstructing a life that was itself in search of self and meaning, then cut short by a routine fatal danger that frequently characterizes protracted wars. It is also an effort to come to terms with the definition of heroism, sung and unsung, and of the cynical disregard in life and exaltation after death of those who are fighting to protect Ukraine’s sovereignty.
January 19, 2023
Така тонка і красива книжка, дивним чином, дуже заспокійлива зараз.
January 22, 2024
Dit is rouw.. pijn om de dood dood van je broer aan het front..nuchterheid op de momenten die je nooit vergeet..liefde en warmte..boosheid voor de onverschilligheid van de wereld…vechten om niet te haten..mooi boek
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January 10, 2024Я свідомо брала до прочитання цю книгу, хоч і розуміла, що буде боляче і буду, скоріш за все, плакати. Так і було. Не знаю, як оцінювати чуже горе, але вдячна пані Олесі за те, що наважилась розповісти про свого брата, хоч це, впевнена, було не просто. Важливо не забувати імена тих, хто віддав своє життя за Україну (так, звучить пафосно, але ж так і є). Окрім цього, тут підсвічені деякі важливі моменти, з якими треба боротись: чиновники, які роблять політичний піар з гибелі військового, західне суспільство, яке втомлюється від війни в Україні, неемпатичність (нам, як суспільству, таки доведеться нормалізувати розмови про смерть та втрату і навчитись нормально співчувати), корупція. Як історикиня, пані Олеся подекуди додає цікаві (для західного читача, очевидно, адже книга спочатку писалась англійською) факти.
Цю книгу, звісно, прочитати багатьом українцям хоча б для того, аби смерті наших солдатів не перетворились просто в цифри. Але будьте готові, що читання буде емоційно важким.
Цю книгу, звісно, прочитати багатьом українцям хоча б для того, аби смерті наших солдатів не перетворились просто в цифри. Але будьте готові, що читання буде емоційно важким.
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October 3, 2023Знов книга, для якої в мене немає оцінки.
Можливо згодом придбаю її ще англійською. Мені не хочеться, щоб Олеся Хромейчук це читала, але можливо це мали б прочитати редактори українського видання: з перекладом щось не так: "Міжнародна спільнота дала їй три дні, перш ніж піддасться російській агресії".
Та, нажаль, головна моя проблема з цією книгою, що я так і не змогла прожити жодної історії, бодай трохи відчути, яким був Володимир, чи зрозуміти, що з ним було, окрім того, що він загинув. Відчуття, що Олеся, або не хоче відкривати всі свої думки і рани читачеві, або (тисячі вибачень) - це вже сучасні терени людини нової епохи, людини, яка весь час намагається проговорювати свої почуття, шукати шляхи свого буття, свідомо (ох це свідомо!) проживати свої моменти і так далі, але, АЛЕ... Хоча це в звичайному житті дозволяє бути спокійнішим та продуктивнішим, за це потрібно "сплатити" саме здатністю бути цікавим, несамовитим, по-справжньому потікшим дахом.
Можливо згодом придбаю її ще англійською. Мені не хочеться, щоб Олеся Хромейчук це читала, але можливо це мали б прочитати редактори українського видання: з перекладом щось не так: "Міжнародна спільнота дала їй три дні, перш ніж піддасться російській агресії".
Та, нажаль, головна моя проблема з цією книгою, що я так і не змогла прожити жодної історії, бодай трохи відчути, яким був Володимир, чи зрозуміти, що з ним було, окрім того, що він загинув. Відчуття, що Олеся, або не хоче відкривати всі свої думки і рани читачеві, або (тисячі вибачень) - це вже сучасні терени людини нової епохи, людини, яка весь час намагається проговорювати свої почуття, шукати шляхи свого буття, свідомо (ох це свідомо!) проживати свої моменти і так далі, але, АЛЕ... Хоча це в звичайному житті дозволяє бути спокійнішим та продуктивнішим, за це потрібно "сплатити" саме здатністю бути цікавим, несамовитим, по-справжньому потікшим дахом.
October 18, 2022
A story of love and loss, a story about grappling with reality following the aftermath of loosing a loved one, this book is one that will rip your heart out and stay with you for a long time.
I read this book with a lump in my throat and pain so visceral it reverberated trough my body with such strength it made me shake at time. Perhaps because this is a story about my own biggest fear, as my brother has joined the armed forces of Ukraine following an all out Russian reinvasion of Ukraine.
This book is devoid of pathos and glorification, instead it so full of love and grief, not the kind found in books, the kind that is found in life.
I read this book with a lump in my throat and pain so visceral it reverberated trough my body with such strength it made me shake at time. Perhaps because this is a story about my own biggest fear, as my brother has joined the armed forces of Ukraine following an all out Russian reinvasion of Ukraine.
This book is devoid of pathos and glorification, instead it so full of love and grief, not the kind found in books, the kind that is found in life.
February 28, 2023
If you only read one book about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, make it this one. Poignant, eloquent and beautifully written - this book will leave a lasting impression. Thank you to the author for sharing her personal story against the backdrop of the war in Ukraine.
September 19, 2022
This is the book you need to read to be informed on the war in Ukraine, and one of the best and most important books you'll read on Ukraine in general.
December 28, 2024
read it in day. worth it
April 22, 2024
Another book touching upon the topic of the war in Ukraine and another recommendation from my side! "The Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister", as the title already suggests it, tells the story of how the author lived through her reality of losing her brother due to him being killed on the Ukrainian frontlines. She managed to do so in a very emotionally touching and stylistically beautiful way. A variety of topics found space within the approximately 200 pages, from the analysis of why Ukrainians that have once emigrated, decide come back to their home country, the difficulties of dealing with grief, the realities of the Ukrainian army, the discrimination towards women that still exists within it and insights into both the war that started in 2014, as well as the most recent full scale invasion by Russia into Ukraine in 2022.
The travellers rolled out of the carriages one by one like balls of wool from an overturned knitting basket; each leaving one end of the thread inside the train, or perhaps even in the station where they had boarded the train, and taking the other end with them wherever they were going, until there would be no more wool left to unroll.
p. 137
When the snow starts to fall everything falls silent. The crumbled diamonds drop from the sky and settle into a soft quilt, bonding with the layer beneath and waiting for others like them to form a layer above. Coat after coat of utter stillness. Of sparkling whiteness. Of soundless peace. From above, the winter landscape of the eastern Ukrainian steppe looks like one expansive duvet whose promise of warmth lures you into the inward cold. You dive into it and fall asleep forever.
p. 167-168
Just like the passages above, many parts within the book made me want to read them slowly, to savour the chosen words, even though a majority of them were difficult to digest and brought up strong emotions within me. I feel like this book would be extremely meaningful to Ukrainians who lost loved ones due to the war, to find some expression in their attempts of processing their sorrow. But also for those, who don't have a personal link to the country, the story managed to construct an impactful narrative of what it means to look at war with a focus on the fates of individuals.
All in all, he spent two years on the frontline. When he was briefly demobilized between his first and second deployment, I tried to dissuade him from going back to the front. He listened to my pleas and said that he had nightmares every night when sleeping in his civilian bed. As soon as he returned to the warzone, the nightmares ceased. Maybe if you are living a nightmare, you have no time to dream of it. Or maybe civilian life, with its multiple shades of grey, simply can't compete with the clarity of the warzone: at least there you know who your friends and who your foes really are.
p. 20-21
As you might be able to imagine, the subject matter is not for the faint of heart. While reading the story, I was sobbing while reading through multiple chapters. I'd therefore warn of going in prepared for an emotional rollercoaster ride if you decide to give the book a try. Nevertheless, I can imagine myself going back to the book after having finished it and revisiting some parts in the future. It was heartbreaking, important and impressively written. A full rating of 5/5 ★ is 100% deserved here!
If you have two siblings, and, after one of them dies, people ask you if you have any siblings, what do you answer? Do you say 'I have two brothers?' But that's not true, because one of them is no longer around. 'I had two brothers. Now I have one, because the other one is dead'? That is technically true, but it's way too much information. People ask you questions about siblings to be polite; they don't want to be traumatized by your family history.
p. 35
Whether we like it or not, we are socialized to value certain types of death and despise or fear other types. This makes it easier for one sister to say 'my brother was killed on the frontline' and much harder for another to say 'my brother died of an overdose' or 'my sister took her own life'. A sister's grief, however, is not commensurate with societal acceptance of her sibling's death.
p. 131-132
March 29, 2025
4.75/5
A beautifully written novel that reminds the reader that even though one reads as if it's in the past, the Ukraine war is still raging on today and it’s important to remind oneself of this. Deep and hard-hitting passages appeared almost every other page and therefore are too numerous to quote. Includes valuable information of the overall political and economical state of Ukraine, theory of war nationalism, feminism, immigration and much more. I didn't always understand the parts written in italics, but that's OK. I strongly recommend this book.
A beautifully written novel that reminds the reader that even though one reads as if it's in the past, the Ukraine war is still raging on today and it’s important to remind oneself of this. Deep and hard-hitting passages appeared almost every other page and therefore are too numerous to quote. Includes valuable information of the overall political and economical state of Ukraine, theory of war nationalism, feminism, immigration and much more. I didn't always understand the parts written in italics, but that's OK. I strongly recommend this book.
Read
December 24, 2025'An opportune moment. So that is what the war was for them. In many ways it was true. Wars can present opportunities for change that seem impossible in peacetime: from granting rights to women (at least some rights to some women), to changing migration policies to accommodate war refugees (at least some refugees), to introducing sanctions against an aggressor (at least some sanctions). Those opportunities tend to come at a very high cost though. The cost is measured in people's lives.'
December 24, 2025
мабуть тут головними для мене були щирість і розгубленість авторки. вона нічого не приховувала, і не героїзувала себе чи навіть свого брата. вона намагалась осилити факт того, що означає смерть рідної людини у війні, і я не думаю, що відповідь могла найтись для цього. кожен якось живе далі з цим, але це «якось» зрозуміти все одно складно.
тому, так, цей текст без відповідей, без точності чи розуміння почуттів, але він повний питань і цих почуттів.
тому, так, цей текст без відповідей, без точності чи розуміння почуттів, але він повний питань і цих почуттів.
November 9, 2025
Zeker de moeite waard.
Belangrijk om stil te staan bij mijn eigen idee van een oorlogsslachtoffer en een eerlijk, rauw en verdrietig portret wat Alesya van haar broer, haar gevoel, de oorlog en beeldvorming daaromheen schetst.
Totaal onnodig dat ik hier 2 maanden over heb gedaan, het boek kan je makkelijk in een korte tijd lezen.
Belangrijk om stil te staan bij mijn eigen idee van een oorlogsslachtoffer en een eerlijk, rauw en verdrietig portret wat Alesya van haar broer, haar gevoel, de oorlog en beeldvorming daaromheen schetst.
Totaal onnodig dat ik hier 2 maanden over heb gedaan, het boek kan je makkelijk in een korte tijd lezen.
September 2, 2024
I feel a bit uncomfortable "rating" this book. It is a very personal narrative as Olesya bears her grief at her brother's death in 2017. The book sets out to tell us about Volodya and his death. Much of it is about his motivation to join the front line troops and about the heartache of his funeral. The bigger purpose of the book is to highlight that Russia's war against the Ukraine took its latest incarnation in 2014 and not 2022. It is a powerful and harrowing recounting of a very personal tragedy which sadly is all too common in a war in which the stakes are high not just for Ukraine but for Europe as whole. Slava Ukraine!
December 25, 2023
Ik vond dit een aangrijpend en prachtig verwoord verhaal. Persoonlijk, verdrietig, menselijk maar ook met de nodige humor.
April 25, 2025
Sobbed all the way through reading this. Great but heart-breaking read.
October 28, 2024
Heel bedrukkend en heel mooi
June 4, 2024
Це невелика, але дуже болюча і важлива книга. Разом з авторкою ми проходимо етап мобілізації та збору спорядження братові, а пізніше - дізнаємося про його загибель. Пані Олеся впускає нас в свої спогади, і ми розділяємо її горе.
Звісно, в першу чергу, ця книга про втрату, про війну, яка йде в Україні вже 10 років. Але вона і про життя: про еміграцію, про місце жінки в суспільстві, про підтримку та зневіру.
Як і Мстислав Чернов, авторка пише на початку, що хотіла б, щоб цієї книги ніколи б не було. Але треба мати неймовірну силу, щоб поділитися зі світом таким особистим, але знайомим багатьом досвідом.
Більше відгуків: https://t.me/kseniia_reads
Звісно, в першу чергу, ця книга про втрату, про війну, яка йде в Україні вже 10 років. Але вона і про життя: про еміграцію, про місце жінки в суспільстві, про підтримку та зневіру.
Як і Мстислав Чернов, авторка пише на початку, що хотіла б, щоб цієї книги ніколи б не було. Але треба мати неймовірну силу, щоб поділитися зі світом таким особистим, але знайомим багатьом досвідом.
Більше відгуків: https://t.me/kseniia_reads
September 10, 2024
4.5 stars
I listened to this book in a similar fashion to Life. Fight. Survive. from Shaun Pinner. Similar to when I wrote that review, I am still reading many articles on the war in Ukraine on a daily basis. With articles about geopolitical tactics, it is easy to forget the many tragedies on a smaller scale. I believe it's essential to read stories about a loss, especially written in such a personal fashion as this one. We should not forget what is on the line for every person in Ukraine.
While Life. Fight. Survive. is a war story; the Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister is a more emotional, personal story. While the book was written more recently, it tells the story of a soldier who died in 2017. The story is told in a very self-reflective manner through the eyes of his sister, a scholar who studied the war and yet struggles with all the personal emotions and stories that are now connected to this war.
The book is timeless in describing the struggle with the loss of a family member and the way in which relatives need to give this a place. While the story is about the war in Ukraine, the story is timeless in the way it discusses the emotions and thoughts that are connected with the loss of a family member in an armed conflict.
A quote that stuck with me is from the Preface. A quote that so elegantly describes one of the key aspects of this conflict and every armed conflict in the world. "One day, the war will end. But it will remain in the minds and hearts of those who witnessed its horrors firsthand. Those who came so close to it they could smell its terrifying scent. Long after the actual war comes to an end, the war with the demons that have entered us as witnesses, bystanders, victims, participants will rage on. The struggle not to let hatred consume us from within will last beyond the struggle on the battlefields, and all victorious front-line battles will be futile if we lose this crucial one."
I listened to this book in a similar fashion to Life. Fight. Survive. from Shaun Pinner. Similar to when I wrote that review, I am still reading many articles on the war in Ukraine on a daily basis. With articles about geopolitical tactics, it is easy to forget the many tragedies on a smaller scale. I believe it's essential to read stories about a loss, especially written in such a personal fashion as this one. We should not forget what is on the line for every person in Ukraine.
While Life. Fight. Survive. is a war story; the Death of a Soldier Told by His Sister is a more emotional, personal story. While the book was written more recently, it tells the story of a soldier who died in 2017. The story is told in a very self-reflective manner through the eyes of his sister, a scholar who studied the war and yet struggles with all the personal emotions and stories that are now connected to this war.
The book is timeless in describing the struggle with the loss of a family member and the way in which relatives need to give this a place. While the story is about the war in Ukraine, the story is timeless in the way it discusses the emotions and thoughts that are connected with the loss of a family member in an armed conflict.
A quote that stuck with me is from the Preface. A quote that so elegantly describes one of the key aspects of this conflict and every armed conflict in the world. "One day, the war will end. But it will remain in the minds and hearts of those who witnessed its horrors firsthand. Those who came so close to it they could smell its terrifying scent. Long after the actual war comes to an end, the war with the demons that have entered us as witnesses, bystanders, victims, participants will rage on. The struggle not to let hatred consume us from within will last beyond the struggle on the battlefields, and all victorious front-line battles will be futile if we lose this crucial one."
October 22, 2023
This isn’t a spoiler, it’s the title of the book.
I greatly appreciate the author walking us through her personal experiences these past several years. Even if you have not lost a loved one to a war, you can surely resonate with this book. She paints a great picture of her brother’s life, their home, her varied stages of grief. Especially in light of the war currently taking place in Ukraine, this book helps the reader understand the bigger picture that western medias often gloss over, or skip entirely.
Thank you for writing this. Дуже Дякую.
I greatly appreciate the author walking us through her personal experiences these past several years. Even if you have not lost a loved one to a war, you can surely resonate with this book. She paints a great picture of her brother’s life, their home, her varied stages of grief. Especially in light of the war currently taking place in Ukraine, this book helps the reader understand the bigger picture that western medias often gloss over, or skip entirely.
Thank you for writing this. Дуже Дякую.
January 7, 2023
If I would have to find one word to describe this book, I would choose “relatable”. I never had a brother to lose, but I lost friends to the war that as rightfully pointed started in 2014, not in February 2022. I had the same experience of the howling on the floor of my flat in Damascus and calling friends and family in Ukraine on 24th. I had similar struggles with love, hate and despise of people. I had similar feelings when “great power politics” is discussed at the conferences and I want to scream “You talk about our death! Our people! Your “compromise” is the life of my father! “. Which none of us would ever scream because being academic is being distant and emotionless. Or is it?
This book gives a perspective not from just one person, academic, woman, sister, but from the sizeable part of the Ukrainian nation. In and out of the country. It carefully draws the picture of the Ukrainian society: volunteers, bystanders, soldiers, politicians. It is a story of one family and the whole nation. It describes historical events and inner world of the person behind them. Something you don’t see in the media outlets. Something we all live.
Just want to thank Olesya. Her book made me cry a lot. But also helped to start processing. Can’t even describe how much I recommend this book. Now instead of screaming “You don’t understand”, I can name the exact book that may (or may not) help understand what Ukrainians are going through. Not all. But some.
This book gives a perspective not from just one person, academic, woman, sister, but from the sizeable part of the Ukrainian nation. In and out of the country. It carefully draws the picture of the Ukrainian society: volunteers, bystanders, soldiers, politicians. It is a story of one family and the whole nation. It describes historical events and inner world of the person behind them. Something you don’t see in the media outlets. Something we all live.
Just want to thank Olesya. Her book made me cry a lot. But also helped to start processing. Can’t even describe how much I recommend this book. Now instead of screaming “You don’t understand”, I can name the exact book that may (or may not) help understand what Ukrainians are going through. Not all. But some.
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