The Darkwood Wand

by ThebeMoon

Draco Malfoy is harsh and cold and hated at Hogwarts. And Draco is fine with this. He’s even casting the Vanishing Cabinet spell again, although for a much less nefarious purpose. This time he's using Harmonia Nectere Passus to link his bed with the bed of a willing witch. But something goes horribly wrong, and instead of the buzzy flirt Draco's been secretly meeting, his bed keeps delivering an extremely unamused Hermione Granger. So begins Draco’s travesty of an Eighth Year on probation, where nothing ever goes to plan and good deeds NEVER pay. His Divination classes are a disaster, his mother owls him daily prophecies of doom, a rabid she-weasel stalks him through the castle, and his mad roommate from Durmstrang plots to avenge the Dark Lord. Each day sparks an internal battle between Draco’s calculating Malfoy nature and his reckless Black side. Every night brings Granger back again, wreaking havoc with his body and mind. Draco is convinced he's headed straight back to Azkaban and he’s almost looking forward to the trip. COMPLETE! (FYI: This story is not part of “The Gloriana Set” universe. This is a whole new castle full of crazy.)

Genres: Fan Fiction, Fantasy, Enemies To Lovers, Fiction, Audiobook, Romance, Slow Burn

639 pages, ebook

Published April 3, 2022

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

This fic had an intriguing premise, maybe "too intriguing" for what it ultimately delivers.

The idea of Draco accidentally linking his bed to Hermione’s through a corrupted spell is fun, chaotic, and full of potential.
An Eighth Year on probation, a cursed castle, strange roommates, ominous prophecies… on paper, it promises madness in the best way.

In practice, though, the story never fully reaches the heights its synopsis suggests.

There are things I genuinely enjoyed.
A protective Draco always works for me, and here he has moments where that instinct shines.
I also appreciated the spotlight on secondary characters who rarely get much attention in canon, Justin and Isobel were refreshing additions and added texture to the world.

That said, overall, I expected more.

The pacing felt uneven, and the emotional payoff didn’t quite match the setup.
The chaos sometimes reads louder than it feels, and the slow burn never fully ignites into something truly compelling.
There were moments of charm, but not enough to leave a lasting impression.

It’s not a bad fic, just one that didn’t live up to its own promise.

Still enjoyable in parts, especially for fans of protective Draco and post-war Hogwarts dynamics.

[Jo Hoffman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would’ve restructured the plot tbh, like everything was there, it was just an odd order. The fight with Tennant felt like the climax, and everything else was just like 😺 like did I eat it up? Absolutely, but still

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it! The wands and grumpy staircase and repeated use of kittens were hilarious. ❤️

[Anna Gionfriddo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 ⭐️ I enjoyed this one! Recommended by @rachbooklover on insta, fantastic dramione & reading page. A bit of a whimsical 8th year read with some technical side of magic which was fun! Slow burn which is nice, but also I wanted to see more of them together and navigating everyone’s opinions! Overall woods recommend though!

[mer · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5* crying shaking dry heaving in the bathroom basin going poco loco I LOVE THEM

[Emily Benson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfection. Love love love an 8th year fic (always). And the pacing of this was great. Also, loved the fanon tent moment???? This was v cute and as always my favorite versions of Draco & hermione.

[Amna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, light-hearted, cute, Hogwarts full cast + extras, and did I mention Draco is hilarious?

[Nour · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story kept me company for a whole week and even with work and other fanfics and stories waiting for me on the side, I could never stop reading it. Loved the portrayal of Draco and Hermione and loved the humour and completely ludicrous situations. Such a fun story.

[papersewnthoughts · Rating 5 out of 5]

when I say I wanna read that about that high of two flawed and utterly angsty enemies slowly falling in love, all with a notable amount of smut, then this story right here is precisely what I mean.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of my new favourite fics i enjoyed this so much, why is draco being toxic so hot

[Kayla Watts · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was cute and I loved the equal POV of Hermione & Draco! Always love to see some Draco character development. the ending felt anticlimactic and I was left wanting to know more

[Abigail · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a great story loved the plot. The writing irritated me at times. A lot of inner monologue between action/dialogue. I had to scroll up and remember the conversation by the time they were speaking again.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5⭐️

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25⭐
I actually really liked this book. The plot was funny and the banter was amazing like so here for it and bro the dynamic between the two yesyesyes so yeah would recommend hehe. But I would say that this book was more lighthearted than most are like especially plot wise not very intense yk like when I read dramione I expect a lot more angst I suppose.

[Taya Ashbaugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my all time fav fics. I love how moody and manipulative Draco is and how Hermione curbs it while also softening him.

[Layla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tip my hat at the cheek, at the elegance, at the class of it all.
Beautifully deranged and shamelessly hilarious, this fic is easily one of the funniest works I've ever read.

[Tuva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this fic. I read the Gloriana set around 1,5 years ago and loved it, so when I saw it was by the same author I had high hopes and was not disappointed.

One things that this fic did well, that a LOT of dramione fics struggle with, is the element of slow-burn. Many times the fic is dragged out for way too long with little to no steady progression in the relationship. Even though they kissed early on, the relationship still developed continuously though out the entire story which kept me, as the reader, interested. Sometimes slow-burns are mistaken for the couple just getting together late in the book, without proper build-up.

I will not sit here and say that this was some piece groundbreaking literature, however it was very fun and enjoyable to read and that is what matters to me. I really like the vibe of a good eighth year fic. I think it’s because you still get that Hogwarts vibe. When I read fics that are not set in Hogwarts, I do not feel as much of a magical feeling and the connection to characters I know and love.

I did like Draco’s character in this fic. I liked that he wasn’t perfect and did a lot of things that were questionable, but at his core, he was a good person. I think that is a more realistic depiction of his character in these types of fics.

Hermione was also well written. Sometimes she could be seen as over exaggerated in some scenes, such as when Draco was bitten, because it didn’t really fit her character in the books, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Unliked in the original books, Hermione in this fic is finally with someone that makes her feel giddy and safe, as well as being able to be more her self as a impending war is not hanging over her head. Their banter was also fun to read and cliche in a way that made it enjoyable to read, not unbearable.

I did like the addition of Tennant as a character as he was a well written villain. He really showcased how easily the Death Eaters could make a comeback with the right leader. He also showed the true dangers with ployjuice potion. I was genuinely anxious when Hermione was in Draco’s bed, and Tennant was there and almost discovered her.

The ending felt a little rushed, and I would have loved to get a proper epilogue. Some plot threads didn’t really get sorted out, such as Ginny and Blaise (it was more hinted at) but I really liked that we got to read the love letter that Theo sent to Daphne. A nice detail.

However, the fact that I’m sad that it wasn’t an extensive epilogue is kind of the highest praise you can get from me. I loved the characters and wanted to see them thrive while being married with kids😗

[Rebekah McCallie Winter · Rating 3 out of 5]

HIGHLY conflicted here. Giving 3 stars for just the painful length.

Cons:
- Bratty/Canon-like Draco is my least favorite Draco, but obviously he was just figuring himself out a bit. I still didn't love it, though.
- This fic is LONG. Like long af. Like very long for a pretty basic, albeit hilarious, plot.
- Theo and Blaise need to be besties. I didn't like the weird rift. Also fat Theo? I dunnnnooooo.
- For such a delightful dirty talk and innuendos, the smut was lacking. It also took way too long, in my slutty opinion.

Pros:
- Harlequin wand. I loved that Draco could wield it better than Hermione too. Amazing.
- Cranky. Honestly any fic with a Crookshanks being a major character is my favorite.
- The vanishing cabinet spell. This was silliness gold.
- The ravenclaws. And muffins.
- GUL

[Rory Collins · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ truthfully but not fully 4. i really loved the idea of this one though, the messed up vanishing spell and the conflict with tennant. even though it took place over a short period of time, i felt like draco and hermione’s relationship grew at a good pace. i also really liked the heavy focus on divination especially with both of them being skeptics and then sort of coming around near the end because of everything that happened. my only issue was HOW it ended. it felt it just dropped off. like i had a chapter left and i was like?? how is this going to wrap up… i was left with many questions and i just felt like compared to the rest of the story the end was a bit lackluster. still a really good read though and i would recommend to my dramione peeps !!

[Jess Gonzales · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. If you like a slow burn (like the slowest burn of all time) then this is the fic for you! There were some great parts and some not so great parts. What I liked about this was cranky Draco (iykyk why I used the word ‘cranky’ to describe him), but really, he was possessive in this in the most delicious way. However, the spice was not spicing for me!! I want details, it felt like some of those scenes were a bit vague.

I feel like the idea of this fic’s plot was unique and had some great potential. I laughed a bit with this one, but just felt like it was missing something!

[Madhu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Genuinely enjoyed reading this one. Why was it so cleverly funny. Although there wasn't too much of a plotline, i really appreciated the detail and thought put into crafting the lore behind the various magical objects like the enchanted beds, the astrarium clock, the behavior of the wands etc. Everything just makes sense and somehow tied in really well with the Divination elements as well. I laughed out loud multiple times and paused to highlight so many quotes, the author truly nailed the comical delivery and romance with this one.

[Amelky Sousa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not having any luck finding good dramiones, I'm giving up this Monday.
The main reasons are that I don't want to know about Draco's past affairs, it doesn't interest me and even more so since it's the beginning of a book and his getting closer to Hermione.
Second reason for me it was uncomfortable, Hermione having sex with Harry, ew...
Acting as if it was just another sacrifice to be made and still acting as if it was no big deal to betray Gina and Ron like that, it didn't work for me, I tried but it didn't appeal to me.

[Sarina Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.8

——————

I really enjoyed this! Especially the humor and the character development. My main hangup that stopped this from getting a higher rating is that there were a few things I wish we could’ve seen: like certain characters interacting with each other and people’s reaction to the relationship (and the struggles that come with that). Mainly, I really wish there was an epilogue from at least a year later to see how things went :(

[Gretchen]

“I don’t want a hero. I just want you.”

It was good. Didn’t love it. The other story by this author was just so amazing I think I had higher hopes. I just didn’t love the premise of this. Didn’t feel like a whole ton of plot. I’m not going to rate it cause I don’t like lower ratings on fanfics since they’re not official authors.
But anyways. It had cute moments I just wasn’t obsessed. I’d give it 3 stars I think.

[Sarah Decker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love the classics of Dramione, and found this one on accident, and LOVED it. Well written, funny, and actually made me like 8th year fics, which historically I've hated. I actually wished it was longer, which considering how long it is is hilarious, and I would love to spend more time with this version of people. It was lovely.

[MrstDream · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's the second Dramione Fic that I read, recommended by a online friend. I am very much thankful for the recommendation. It was a very enjoyable read. Although it ended rather abruptly in my opinion. With good measure of danger and fun - and sexual tension and frustration - when asked I would recommend reading.

[C. W. T. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this but slightly too sex obsessed and needed more substance. Might have been interesting to dig more into repentance. D and H fell too swiftly. Theo seemed hugely mischaracterized as well. Narcissa was funny and could have played a bigger role. Wasn't a fan of the Durmstrang baddie, like H is not that helpless.

[Kimmy Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly, this book was just something I listened to as a reprieve. It was a "cutesy" book that had me giggling here and there but the very end was so uneventful and anticlimactic I would honestly give it 2 stars but I'm a Dramione stan so 2.5 rounded up to 3 stars it shall be...

[Tishelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 starts for me.

I was up until 4am reading, as I was hooked and couldn’t put it down.

Some parts could have been better and not dragged and wanted certain plots , to just be a tad bit longer as some was anticlimactic.

I defended ate this up!!! I loved Draco and Hermione in this!

[Esther · Rating 3 out of 5]

Draco creates a vanishing cabinet in Hermione’s bed…don’t love either of their characters at times, she can be annoying and he can be sex obsessed. No “I love yous” disappointing epilogue but still enjoyable