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Double Pregnant: Two Lesbians Make a Family
Girl meets girl. Girl marries girl. They want to have babies…but they need a little help.
Double Pregnant is author Natalie Meisner’s light-hearted, poignant and informative true story about starting a family with her wife Viviën. Because Viviën is a woman of colour who was adopted into a white family, the couple wants their children to have a connection to their donor and decide against taking the anonymous, sperm clinic route. But they realize they are going to need some help. Taking matters into their own hands leads the couple to a series of often-hilarious “dates” with potential donors, all of whom have wildly different opinions on how the donation process should go, and how Natalie and Viviën should proceed as a new family.
“Passionate and engaging account of a lesbian couple's struggle to have a family. The book is not about sexuality or gender identity; it's about love.” — Beth Everest, Writer, Professor and Editor
“What an accomplishment, to have written a page turner on a subject like this that is both moving and very funny.”
— Inge Fraters, Editor in Chief, KJIK Magazine & Know How Sonoma Publishing
Double Pregnant is author Natalie Meisner’s light-hearted, poignant and informative true story about starting a family with her wife Viviën. Because Viviën is a woman of colour who was adopted into a white family, the couple wants their children to have a connection to their donor and decide against taking the anonymous, sperm clinic route. But they realize they are going to need some help. Taking matters into their own hands leads the couple to a series of often-hilarious “dates” with potential donors, all of whom have wildly different opinions on how the donation process should go, and how Natalie and Viviën should proceed as a new family.
“Passionate and engaging account of a lesbian couple's struggle to have a family. The book is not about sexuality or gender identity; it's about love.” — Beth Everest, Writer, Professor and Editor
“What an accomplishment, to have written a page turner on a subject like this that is both moving and very funny.”
— Inge Fraters, Editor in Chief, KJIK Magazine & Know How Sonoma Publishing
182 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2014
2 people are currently reading
276 people want to read
About the author
Natalie Meisner
10 books7 followersNatalie Meisner is a writer from Lockeport, Nova Scotia. Her plays have been produced across the country, won numerous awards, been collected in book from and appear in numerous Canadian Anthologies. She is also a wife and the mother of two great boys, and divides her time between Lockeport, Nova Scotia, Den Haag, Holland, and Calgary, Alberta. She is an Associate Professor in the Department of English at Mount Royal University where she teaches creative writing and drama.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
May 11, 2014
On the one hand, I really liked this book:
Beware, if you pick up Double Pregnant: Two Lesbian Moms Make a Family by Natalie Meisner and you’re at all at the stage in your life where you’re beginning to feel the baby fever. I spent a good portion of the time reading this book thinking “Oh my god, my eggs are running out!!!” That said, Nova Scotia native Natalie Meisner and her wife Viviën’s story is ultimately a happy and successful one, despite their fairly late start in the baby game, so it’s an encouraging read in that way.
On the other hand, I had a huge issue with a very minor part of the book:
So, at one point the women are being referred to a maternity doctor, and they’re kind of hoping this doctor might be a lesbian. After meeting her and seeing that she’s wearing some kind of ballet flats with little bows on them, Meisner makes a short comment to the effect of “no lesbian would ever wear those shoes.” As a queer feminine woman, I was super offended by this supposed off-hand remark. Actually, it was the fact that it was supposed to be a funny, flippant comment that really bothered me. This is exactly the kind of insidious sexist and anti-feminine shit that made me feel like I couldn’t be feminine when I came out. Like, I couldn’t be the kind of woman I already was and also be queer. There are plenty of lesbians and bisexual women who would wear those kind of shoes—THEY’RE CALLED FEMMES. Duh.
See my full review here: http://caseythecanadianlesbrarian.wor...
Beware, if you pick up Double Pregnant: Two Lesbian Moms Make a Family by Natalie Meisner and you’re at all at the stage in your life where you’re beginning to feel the baby fever. I spent a good portion of the time reading this book thinking “Oh my god, my eggs are running out!!!” That said, Nova Scotia native Natalie Meisner and her wife Viviën’s story is ultimately a happy and successful one, despite their fairly late start in the baby game, so it’s an encouraging read in that way.
On the other hand, I had a huge issue with a very minor part of the book:
So, at one point the women are being referred to a maternity doctor, and they’re kind of hoping this doctor might be a lesbian. After meeting her and seeing that she’s wearing some kind of ballet flats with little bows on them, Meisner makes a short comment to the effect of “no lesbian would ever wear those shoes.” As a queer feminine woman, I was super offended by this supposed off-hand remark. Actually, it was the fact that it was supposed to be a funny, flippant comment that really bothered me. This is exactly the kind of insidious sexist and anti-feminine shit that made me feel like I couldn’t be feminine when I came out. Like, I couldn’t be the kind of woman I already was and also be queer. There are plenty of lesbians and bisexual women who would wear those kind of shoes—THEY’RE CALLED FEMMES. Duh.
See my full review here: http://caseythecanadianlesbrarian.wor...
August 13, 2014
If I were to compare this book to some of the literature masterpieces out there that I've read, I would have to give this one 4 or even 3 stars. But when thinking about the book on its own, there was nothing disappointing about it. It has a somewhat unusual format, which didn't bother me, and I found it actually quite easy to read. It is also wonderful for anyone that lives in Canada, especially in BC or Nova Scotia because it is very local, with descriptions of places like the sea wall or the Sylvia hotel, which is very close to home for me. My favourite chapter is "Letters to possible creatures (on people I wish you'd known)", and I found myself emotional and almost stressed, but happy for the two women in the last couple chapters. I highly recommend this recollection of two lives changed forever, to anyone looking for a book that can make you laugh out loud in one chapter, and hold back tears in the next.
May 3, 2014
Loved this book! The writing was very well done and provided many chuckles, some from the "you can't make that sh-t up" file. Couldn't wait to read every page of this book and even learned a thing or two! And of course any book with a local Maritime spin provides that extra warmth.
Almost gave it a five-star rating but I tend to save that for a select few. So until Goodreads installs the half-star, it's a very solid four.
Almost gave it a five-star rating but I tend to save that for a select few. So until Goodreads installs the half-star, it's a very solid four.
August 17, 2014
Written almost blog-style, in a breezily conversational style that is engaging from first to last, this is the wonderful account of a lesbian couple's quest to have their own children. The basic biological mechanics involved, which seem so effortless for teenaged heterosexuals on The Learning Channel, present a fairly daunting obstacle to Natalie and Viviën: who will be our donor? how do we determine good genetic material? how can we co-ordinate our ovulation with the insemination? These questions are entertainingly difficult to figure out for a 21st-century couple who want to be, in one of the many memorably mischievous lines, "dykes with tykes."
They both are successful, of course, which is why the book has its title--they are parents to two little boys now--but it's not the destination that's the point; it's the journey, and this journey is fraught with a great many more obstacles than just the logistics of getting pregnant. Because both parents-to-be are in their late thirties, the sheer fact of biology is a significant antagonist: at that age, for instance, Down's Syndrome is a greater risk, and Natalie describes her fears in that regard with particular sensitivity and clarity.
It is to her credit that the politics of the experience are downplayed in favor of sharing intense emotions and startlingly brilliant observations about who we are. Not that Meisner shies away from confrontation with homophobia and philistine judgments--they do occur, but they are simply not very relevant to what she passes through on her way to parenthood. One notable exception is when Viviën is required to have a Caesarean to deliver her boy and Natalie is able to sign the consent forms: she says, "I wish that anyone who doesn't agree with gay marriage--based on whatever kind of convictions they have--would have to stand in these shoes for one moment. I wonder how they would feel if they didn't have the power to give consent for their partner. What if precious seconds were lost while the authorities sorted out the red tape and their loved one's life hung in the balance. This is life and death right here, it doesn't get more basic." That's important, obviously, but what is more important, what's at the core of the narrative, as reviewer Beth Everest notes, is that the story "is not about sexuality or gender identity; it's about love." That's exactly right, and we are continuously caught up in the profound relationship that Natalie and Viviën share with each other and with the children they are so intent on creating.
But this is a true story, so it's funny as well, and there are no shortage of anecdotes that--not to wring out the cliché--made me throw the book down and laugh aloud. When Natalie and Viviën meet two prospective donors--a vertically challenged gay couple she dubs "Slightly Shorter" and "Slightly Taller"--their luncheon deteriorates as the foodies conduct a mildly hysterical review of the establishment and a somewhat more impassioned domestic spat with each other. On another occasion, they interview a man who claims that he already has some experience in artificial insemination, having done the job for an RCMP officer that the donor, somewhat condescendingly, refers to as a "ladycop." Natalie's description of the recipient is delightful: "Unnervingly, she keeps appearing in my mind's eye wearing her tall black hat and half of her red ceremonial Mountie uniform."
By the end of the story, however, we feel that we have been treated to a profoundly rich experience in having shared to no little degree the lives of two very extraordinary women who, by achieving parenthood, have become that much more extraordinary.
They both are successful, of course, which is why the book has its title--they are parents to two little boys now--but it's not the destination that's the point; it's the journey, and this journey is fraught with a great many more obstacles than just the logistics of getting pregnant. Because both parents-to-be are in their late thirties, the sheer fact of biology is a significant antagonist: at that age, for instance, Down's Syndrome is a greater risk, and Natalie describes her fears in that regard with particular sensitivity and clarity.
It is to her credit that the politics of the experience are downplayed in favor of sharing intense emotions and startlingly brilliant observations about who we are. Not that Meisner shies away from confrontation with homophobia and philistine judgments--they do occur, but they are simply not very relevant to what she passes through on her way to parenthood. One notable exception is when Viviën is required to have a Caesarean to deliver her boy and Natalie is able to sign the consent forms: she says, "I wish that anyone who doesn't agree with gay marriage--based on whatever kind of convictions they have--would have to stand in these shoes for one moment. I wonder how they would feel if they didn't have the power to give consent for their partner. What if precious seconds were lost while the authorities sorted out the red tape and their loved one's life hung in the balance. This is life and death right here, it doesn't get more basic." That's important, obviously, but what is more important, what's at the core of the narrative, as reviewer Beth Everest notes, is that the story "is not about sexuality or gender identity; it's about love." That's exactly right, and we are continuously caught up in the profound relationship that Natalie and Viviën share with each other and with the children they are so intent on creating.
But this is a true story, so it's funny as well, and there are no shortage of anecdotes that--not to wring out the cliché--made me throw the book down and laugh aloud. When Natalie and Viviën meet two prospective donors--a vertically challenged gay couple she dubs "Slightly Shorter" and "Slightly Taller"--their luncheon deteriorates as the foodies conduct a mildly hysterical review of the establishment and a somewhat more impassioned domestic spat with each other. On another occasion, they interview a man who claims that he already has some experience in artificial insemination, having done the job for an RCMP officer that the donor, somewhat condescendingly, refers to as a "ladycop." Natalie's description of the recipient is delightful: "Unnervingly, she keeps appearing in my mind's eye wearing her tall black hat and half of her red ceremonial Mountie uniform."
By the end of the story, however, we feel that we have been treated to a profoundly rich experience in having shared to no little degree the lives of two very extraordinary women who, by achieving parenthood, have become that much more extraordinary.
March 11, 2016
This month more than ever we need to reassure ourselves and our younger generations that happy lives for women who love women are not only possible but commonplace. If you're in desperate need of women-loving-women positivity, pick up this book and share the joys and adventures of two real-life women who decided they wanted to add children to their marriage. Told in the form of two or three page vignettes--which I assume would make the book really easy and convenient to read in pieces between work and chores, if that's your style--it starts with the night the author and her wife (a woman of color from Holland) first decided to be moms and continues with the ups and downs of the search for a sperm donor, through pregnancy joys and pains, and finally ends just after the birth of both children.
The book radiates positive energy from the love between her and her wife, so I feel like as long as you're okay reading about pregnancy, even if you don't care about motherhood personally this is a prescribed balm for all the nonsense the mainstream media expects us to put up with in regards to love between women. I love reading anecdotes, and the details of exactly how many strange men they had to share unnaturally intimate conversations with before both women finally conceived were both horrifying yet totally, thoroughly entertaining. Meisner is a great writer and there was never a boring page.
Also present is some really interesting information on the legal differences between sperm donation in Canada, where these moms live, vs. America. In America we sell sperm and eggs because this is America. In Canada, you can't--which reduces the incentive many men have to donate. This causes some problems that, as an American, I never really thought about--i.e. sometimes the men who want to donate their sperm for free have some really freaky motives.
Trigger warning for a poignant description of the author's miscarriage, and a couple other content warnings: emetophobia and the g-slur at one point instead of just using the word 'wandering.'
The book radiates positive energy from the love between her and her wife, so I feel like as long as you're okay reading about pregnancy, even if you don't care about motherhood personally this is a prescribed balm for all the nonsense the mainstream media expects us to put up with in regards to love between women. I love reading anecdotes, and the details of exactly how many strange men they had to share unnaturally intimate conversations with before both women finally conceived were both horrifying yet totally, thoroughly entertaining. Meisner is a great writer and there was never a boring page.
Also present is some really interesting information on the legal differences between sperm donation in Canada, where these moms live, vs. America. In America we sell sperm and eggs because this is America. In Canada, you can't--which reduces the incentive many men have to donate. This causes some problems that, as an American, I never really thought about--i.e. sometimes the men who want to donate their sperm for free have some really freaky motives.
Trigger warning for a poignant description of the author's miscarriage, and a couple other content warnings: emetophobia and the g-slur at one point instead of just using the word 'wandering.'
September 15, 2014
I loved this story. The author offers us her story with such generous truth. Her love for her wife and sons is palpable long before the boys are in existence. Her ability to find the funny in agonizing disappointments keeps the story enjoyable even when it's heart wrenching. A beautiful story shared sincerely with wonderful writing. Is that enough adjectives? It's so tough to describe - go read it yourself.
November 17, 2018
Somehow both literary and casual, this true story of a lesbian couple trying to make a family together is truly a gem. Natalie Meisner's voice is rich, friendly, and her style fluctuates smoothly between beautiful, artistic poignancy and conversational hilarity. From the off-the-wall people they meet while searching for a donor to the struggles they face with both of them being pregnant at nearly the same time, there is rarely a moment where I wasn't sucked into their lives. This is absolutely the kind of memoir that deserves praise and attention, and for those out there who may be interested in a similar family planning adventure, much more informative than I expected.
April 2, 2016
In this slim memoir, Natalie Meisner details her and her wife's journey to pregnancy. From failed "dates" with prospective sperm donors to six-hour drives across North American wilderness before the window of ovulation closes, Double Pregnant offers a humorous, thoughtful look into the process of getting pregnant as a lesbian couple today in Canada.
Meisner is a writer, and it shows in her careful prose. But unfortunately, that's not enough to keep the story of the two women's fertility endeavor interesting. The memoir revolves entirely around the process of getting pregnant, which failed to inspire the emotional investment that would have kept me engaged in the women's story, even as someone mildly interested in assisted reproduction. Had Meisner built a stronger emotional context for her story, better developing her characters, the result may have been a more compelling read. As it was, Double Pregnant was interesting in small doses, but hard to read in long stretches.
The book would have worked well as a blog: each chapter contained a mini-narrative, offering a touch of humor and brief commentary on what it means to be a lesbian couple trying to simultaneously get pregnant. As a blog, these various self-contained stories would be perfect to be read alone or as part of a series. As a book, however, Double Pregnant is unlikely to compel readers who don't have first-hand experience with the process Meisner and wife are going through.
Note: I received an advance readers' copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program.
Meisner is a writer, and it shows in her careful prose. But unfortunately, that's not enough to keep the story of the two women's fertility endeavor interesting. The memoir revolves entirely around the process of getting pregnant, which failed to inspire the emotional investment that would have kept me engaged in the women's story, even as someone mildly interested in assisted reproduction. Had Meisner built a stronger emotional context for her story, better developing her characters, the result may have been a more compelling read. As it was, Double Pregnant was interesting in small doses, but hard to read in long stretches.
The book would have worked well as a blog: each chapter contained a mini-narrative, offering a touch of humor and brief commentary on what it means to be a lesbian couple trying to simultaneously get pregnant. As a blog, these various self-contained stories would be perfect to be read alone or as part of a series. As a book, however, Double Pregnant is unlikely to compel readers who don't have first-hand experience with the process Meisner and wife are going through.
Note: I received an advance readers' copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program.
April 3, 2015
This was a well-written book, as the author is not just a woman who decided to write a book about her experiences, but a writer who decided to write about her experiences. Her experiences in this book include
being a lesbian
falling in love and marrying a woman
deciding to get pregnant through donor insemination
having her wife also decide to get pregnant through donor insemination
finding a donor
neither she nor her wife getting pregnant
finding another donor
she and her wife getting pregnant about two months apart
she and wife having babies two months apart
It's not the way I would have done it, but who am I to judge? (Nobody, that's who!)
I thought the most interesting part of the book was when the women were searching for the right donor. (There were a lot of duds to wade through on the way to the right bio daddy.)
I lost interest about 2/3 of the way through, and set the book down for a while, which is why it took me so long to read it. It's a book (slim volume) that could be read in just a few days.
being a lesbian
falling in love and marrying a woman
deciding to get pregnant through donor insemination
having her wife also decide to get pregnant through donor insemination
finding a donor
neither she nor her wife getting pregnant
finding another donor
she and her wife getting pregnant about two months apart
she and wife having babies two months apart
It's not the way I would have done it, but who am I to judge? (Nobody, that's who!)
I thought the most interesting part of the book was when the women were searching for the right donor. (There were a lot of duds to wade through on the way to the right bio daddy.)
I lost interest about 2/3 of the way through, and set the book down for a while, which is why it took me so long to read it. It's a book (slim volume) that could be read in just a few days.
January 23, 2015
This is a charming and witty account of two lesbians (Natalie and Vivien), a married couple who want to have children. Natalie's account of the process they went through to achieve their means is hilarious and engaging. I laughed out loud at many of her quips about the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant - it's bad enough when it's done the "normal" way, their pregnancies and births as they produce two baby boys within two months of each other. It makes you realize that anything is possible when you are determined and in love. They are an adorable couple and their sons are very lucky indeed and no doubt will have a wonderful life with these two awesome people to guide them and love them.
September 12, 2015
Amazing, loving, and compassionate are three words that come to mind when I think of Natalie Meisner's outlook throughout this account of her journey of pregnancy with her wife. Meisner provides an ever-so-gentle approach to the process of becoming a mother. Also laugh out loud hilarious and greatly heart warming. definitely recommend this.
July 17, 2017
pros: a lesbian couple! an interracial couple! within so-called canada! it's really nice to read a getting pregnant story that shares my context in those ways, when so many don't share them at all.
cons: omg so homonormative? it always shocks me when dykes are so into gender binaries & don't seem to know trans people exist but it rly shouldn't shock me. also there were certain little bits mentioned about decision-making around donor race and i would have loved to read more about that as a white lez in an interracial relationship (hopefully the limits were due to consent of the author's partner, not due to making the narrative as palatable to normies as possible).
cons: omg so homonormative? it always shocks me when dykes are so into gender binaries & don't seem to know trans people exist but it rly shouldn't shock me. also there were certain little bits mentioned about decision-making around donor race and i would have loved to read more about that as a white lez in an interracial relationship (hopefully the limits were due to consent of the author's partner, not due to making the narrative as palatable to normies as possible).
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews