What do you think?
Rate this book
Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2012)In Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, New York Times bestseller and winner of the Pulitzer Prize Anna Quindlen shares the events of her own life to illuminate our own. From childhood memories to manic motherhood to middle age, Quindlen tells life as she has lived it. She acknowledges the passing years, from the generational shrinking of underwear to facing the fact that her knees make ’this noise like Rice Krispies’ when she exercises. Despite its downsides, she says, aging brings wisdom, and a perspective that makes life satisfying and even joyful. Honest, witty and moving, this irresistible memoir celebrates all our lives.
209 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 24, 2012
1557 people are currently reading
12324 people want to read
About the author
Anna Quindlen
86 books4,724 followersAnna Marie Quindlen is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,788 reviews
November 29, 2016
Anna Quindlen once worked as a columnist for the New York Times and has authored many novels including bestseller Black and Blue. In Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, Quindlen offers her readers a roadmap for growing older while still enjoying life. An informative and thought provoking while at times humorous memoir, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake invites us into Quindlen's life and allows us to feel comfortable there.
Born in 1953 during the baby boom, Anna Quindlen is the oldest of five children. Forced to become mother to her younger siblings at age nineteen following her mother's untimely death, Quindlen uses this marker as a means to not be afraid of aging. Entering the work force in 1974 while women were beginning to crack the glass ceiling, she at many points in her career was the token woman in the newsroom and on journalistic panels. All of these experiences allowed her to impart wisdom on the next generation as they came of age and started their professional and domestic careers.
Having children in her thirties rather than her twenties allowed for Quindlen and her husband Gerry to have more life experiences to share with their children Quin, Chris, and Maria. Because the life expectancy in the United States has reached eighty years and adolescence lasts into one's twenties, Quindlen is able to enjoy a close relationship with her children long into their adulthood. While they are able to share lasting memories, they also turn to their parents for advice on everything from writing a job application to what type of person to date and hopefully marry. With over sixty years of life experience behind her, Quindlen is happy to enjoy her job as full time mom much longer than her parents' or grandparents' generations ever did.
I enjoyed reading about Quindlen's memories growing up, as a New York Times reporter, and as a mother. Even though I am from the generation as her children, I could relate to her stories about motherhood, making the decision to work from home while raising the children, and choosing when to allow her children to do things for themselves rather than being what she terms a helicopter mom. As she has cut back on her role as full time mother, she has tried new activities late in her fifties. She views the next thirty or so years of her life as the next great adventure.
The greatest lesson I can take from Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is that just because someone is growing old does not mean that they can not enjoy life to the fullest. A person in their fifties can earn a PhD, learn how to do a headstand, or travel to China. A person in their seventies can volunteer at local organizations and act as a mentor to the younger generations. In what I view as a how to for the rest of my life, I enjoyed reading Quindlen's take on life, which I rate four stars.
Born in 1953 during the baby boom, Anna Quindlen is the oldest of five children. Forced to become mother to her younger siblings at age nineteen following her mother's untimely death, Quindlen uses this marker as a means to not be afraid of aging. Entering the work force in 1974 while women were beginning to crack the glass ceiling, she at many points in her career was the token woman in the newsroom and on journalistic panels. All of these experiences allowed her to impart wisdom on the next generation as they came of age and started their professional and domestic careers.
Having children in her thirties rather than her twenties allowed for Quindlen and her husband Gerry to have more life experiences to share with their children Quin, Chris, and Maria. Because the life expectancy in the United States has reached eighty years and adolescence lasts into one's twenties, Quindlen is able to enjoy a close relationship with her children long into their adulthood. While they are able to share lasting memories, they also turn to their parents for advice on everything from writing a job application to what type of person to date and hopefully marry. With over sixty years of life experience behind her, Quindlen is happy to enjoy her job as full time mom much longer than her parents' or grandparents' generations ever did.
I enjoyed reading about Quindlen's memories growing up, as a New York Times reporter, and as a mother. Even though I am from the generation as her children, I could relate to her stories about motherhood, making the decision to work from home while raising the children, and choosing when to allow her children to do things for themselves rather than being what she terms a helicopter mom. As she has cut back on her role as full time mother, she has tried new activities late in her fifties. She views the next thirty or so years of her life as the next great adventure.
The greatest lesson I can take from Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is that just because someone is growing old does not mean that they can not enjoy life to the fullest. A person in their fifties can earn a PhD, learn how to do a headstand, or travel to China. A person in their seventies can volunteer at local organizations and act as a mentor to the younger generations. In what I view as a how to for the rest of my life, I enjoyed reading Quindlen's take on life, which I rate four stars.
August 26, 2012
I was a big fan of Quindlen's in the 1980s. Her NYT columns were among the first to chronicle, in real time, what is was like for working mothers struggling to balance it all, especially in male-dominated fields. She struck innumerable chords, and made our individual struggles, whether we had children yet or not, seem, if not noble, than at least normal. She was like a great travel writer, telling me about country I would someday visit.
Fast-forward 30 years, however, and Quindlen's work, while still well written, lacks any punch. She has had, unfortunately, too good of a life. Yes, her mother died when she was 19 and she raised her younger siblings. But to hear Quindlen tell it, everything has been hunky dory since then. Great husband, they make plenty of money, her children are grown and launched, and yet she cannot stop talking about how raising them has been the pinnacle event of her life. There is nothing about sex, arguments with spouses or partners, crises of confidence, true fears of aging. With a house in NY and one in the country, Quindlen's life is too soft, even if she is working out with a personal trainer. She writes about Boomers as if no one had before. Her observations are true, but obvious. The book jacket shows her in a comfortable leather chair in front of a fireplace, any worry lines smoothed out by Botox, and that sums up the book: she is too comfortable, too languid, too willing to hide whatever insecurities and fears she holds. She is capable of an edgy honesty in her fiction that she has lost in her memoir. And that's sad.
Fast-forward 30 years, however, and Quindlen's work, while still well written, lacks any punch. She has had, unfortunately, too good of a life. Yes, her mother died when she was 19 and she raised her younger siblings. But to hear Quindlen tell it, everything has been hunky dory since then. Great husband, they make plenty of money, her children are grown and launched, and yet she cannot stop talking about how raising them has been the pinnacle event of her life. There is nothing about sex, arguments with spouses or partners, crises of confidence, true fears of aging. With a house in NY and one in the country, Quindlen's life is too soft, even if she is working out with a personal trainer. She writes about Boomers as if no one had before. Her observations are true, but obvious. The book jacket shows her in a comfortable leather chair in front of a fireplace, any worry lines smoothed out by Botox, and that sums up the book: she is too comfortable, too languid, too willing to hide whatever insecurities and fears she holds. She is capable of an edgy honesty in her fiction that she has lost in her memoir. And that's sad.
April 13, 2012
At age 60, Anna Quindlen has already had plenty of candles and birthday cake, but she wants more. A lot more. Her own mother died in her early 40s, when Anna was just nineteen. That early loss has made her grateful for every additional year she gets that her mother was denied.
Anna's gratitude is the common ingredient that ties together these ruminations of an aging feminist baby boomer. She seems amazed, even somewhat astonished, at how fortunate she has been. She has reached an age where she can look back and recognize the combination of ambition and serendipity that allowed her to "have it all" in terms of marriage, motherhood, career, and friendship.
These essays will of course have the most appeal for those in Quindlen's age range whose life paths have somewhat paralleled hers. But if you've read her work before, you know she always shares observations and wisdom that are universally relevant. I like her spunk. I like her honesty. Most of all, I like the way she always manages to say the things I feel but cannot put into words. I recommend the book for all connoisseurs of life.
Anna's gratitude is the common ingredient that ties together these ruminations of an aging feminist baby boomer. She seems amazed, even somewhat astonished, at how fortunate she has been. She has reached an age where she can look back and recognize the combination of ambition and serendipity that allowed her to "have it all" in terms of marriage, motherhood, career, and friendship.
These essays will of course have the most appeal for those in Quindlen's age range whose life paths have somewhat paralleled hers. But if you've read her work before, you know she always shares observations and wisdom that are universally relevant. I like her spunk. I like her honesty. Most of all, I like the way she always manages to say the things I feel but cannot put into words. I recommend the book for all connoisseurs of life.
November 3, 2016
First I was who I was. Then I didn’t know who I was. Then I invented someone and became her. Then I began to like what I’d invented. And finally I was what I was again.Reading the memoir of a 60+ woman who lived an average high middle income, comfortable, American life, without more significance than becoming a well-known author, but with no big role to play in politics or world history, is like sitting with an old friend digging around in treasures in the attics of our minds.
The year I was born, the average American lived to be sixty-eight; today that’s closer to eighty. We’ve added a decade to our body clocks. But that extra time comes not at the end, when things are pretty much what they always were—physical degeneration, systematic loss, more of a look back than a look ahead; it comes now in the years between sixty and seventy, years that feel like an encore instead of a codaSince it is a monologue, often in the motivational-speaker kind of tone, no new perspectives can be added to the conversation, of course. It does, however, leave room for discussion if it was possible.
The memoir delivers on what it promises. A lighter-kind of read. There's funny memories, and nostalgic moments and deep thoughts. For instance, what happened to the goals and dreams of Women's Lib? Why is young women giving up the privileges that the movement fought so hard for?
Special memories are shared, for instance the author's meetings with famous authors, such as John Ashbery, Richard Yates, Tennessee Williams. Various famous female authors are quoted in the memoir, relating to the different issues being named, such as the social changes that came with and after the Baby Boomers; Mandatory retirement that is becoming a thing of the past; loneliness versus solitude, women's self image, and so much more.
The book is a good experience for the reader who does not expect more. Younger readers might find it a mother-talk at an age in which the young woman does not welcome advise. However, the thoughts shared can be taken to heart and will become valuable tips on how to experience life on the rest of the journey.
PART III The Element of Surprise
We not only know how to fall, we know how to get up. We’ve done it so often.
For an avid reader, of not only novels, but also news and world affairs, there is nothing new in the book. I was wondering, while reading, if this is a case of There's nothing to say, but I am going to say it anyway, since I can, and I have a publisher, so why not? She is rich and famous, after all.
Perhaps it might be true, but there are wonderful moments in the book which remind the reader about own memories forgotten and experiences lost. Laugh out loud moments of recognition adds to the delight of the experience.
Life must be lived forward but understood backward. — SØREN KIERKEGAARDI cannot call it 'an irresistible memoir' as the blurb suggests, since the author used the opportunity to rather spread more social commentary around than actually talking mostly about her memories. Still, I certainly would have loved to be part of this conversation and take a few moments to celebrate life as it happened with a few girlfriends.
The Little Stories We Tell Ourselves
But of course, being young, we never asked ourselves the questions that now concern or haunt us, the real questions: Is that pain between the eyes a hangover, a headache, or a brain tumor?
Everything is present in the book that would be covered in the twittering chatter. She does however throw in some autobiographical facts about her life as a child, a teenager, her schooling, her job, and her role of taking care of her siblings when her mother passed away at a young age. She shares moments with her husband and children and where she fitted into everything.
Stuff
My doctor says that, contrary to conventional wisdom, she doesn’t believe our memories flag because of a drop in estrogen but because of how crowded it is in the drawers of our minds. “We women today have more on the hard disc than any women at any time in history,”
Frankly, I do believe we sometimes just have to stop talking when nobody is listening. I guess that's why most older people, who could have written memoirs that might read like suspense thrillers, do not write them anyway. It just doesn't really matter to anyone else. It's liberating as well as sad. So many good stories that should have been told, are lost forever. Not everyone has the need to just keep on talking and talking and drive everyone crazy. But as the years pass, older people all seek the company of their equals to reminiscent about the magic of life and how it played out for everyone. Not everyone wants it published. And not everyone wants to read it. On the other hand, there's always the alternative of online blogging for those who won't ever have a publisher at the ready .
So yes, it is a good read for women who would like to share their stories, but don't. We are all in the book, from girl-child to older grandmas in all our lonely splendor. What we all have in common is the privilege of aging gracefully and with pride. And maybe, maybe, we will get the opportunity to share it. This is not a memoir that will impress, like people who came from nothing and ended up at the top. There is no struggles, not serious challenges, no mountains to conquer. Just a privileged girl who became a more privileged adult.
I am including a few quotes from the book as spoilers, which I hope you will enjoy:
November 13, 2017
EXCERPT: Every once in a while we meet our long ago selves across a dining table or a desk, when younger women come to ask for advice or to interview for a job. They're so eager and so smart, with their dresses and their shiny hair, and we know exactly what they want because we once wanted it, too. They want a formula, a plan,a set of directions, an assembly kit. Connect A to B, C to D, and in the end, there it is, the life you crave. The job, the salary, the companion, the home.
It's so hard to tell them the truth, that there is no formula, no plan. It's harder still to communicate that your life has been filled with accidents and that they have determined so much of how things turned out. Some have been happy accidents, some not. There were plans for a family but the right partner didn't come along, or came along too late. There were plans for a big family but after the first child there was no other, or plans for an only child that were changed by an accidental pregnancy. My early plans to have no children at all morphed into plans to have four, and we wound up with three. And now that seems exactly right, even fated somehow. It's amazing how resilient people are, and how the things that didn't come true become, after a while, simply the way things are.
THE BLURB: “[Quindlen] serves up generous portions of her wise, commonsensical, irresistibly quotable take on life. . . . What Nora Ephron does for body image and Anne Lamott for spiritual neuroses, Quindlen achieves on the home front.”—NPR
In this irresistible memoir, Anna Quindlen writes about a woman’s life, from childhood memories to manic motherhood to middle age, using the events of her life to illuminate ours. Considering—and celebrating—everything from marriage, girlfriends, our mothers, parenting, faith, loss, to all the stuff in our closets, and more, Quindlen says for us here what we may wish we could have said ourselves. As she did in her beloved New York Times columns, and in A Short Guide to a Happy Life, Quindlen uses her past, present, and future to explore what matters most to women at different ages. Quindlen talks about
Marriage: “A safety net of small white lies can be the bedrock of a successful marriage. You wouldn’t believe how cheaply I can do a kitchen renovation.”
Girlfriends: “Ask any woman how she makes it through the day, and she may mention her calendar, her to-do lists, her babysitter. But if you push her on how she really makes it through her day, she will mention her girlfriends. ”
Our bodies: “I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality-delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and in the years to come.”
Parenting: “Being a parent is not transactional. We do not get what we give. It is the ultimate pay-it-forward endeavor: We are good parents not so they will be loving enough to stay with us but so they will be strong enough to leave us.”
Candid, funny, and moving, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is filled with the sharp insights and revealing observations that have long confirmed Quindlen’s status as America’s laureate of real life.
MY THOUGHTS: I liked Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen, but I didn't love it. I think I was expecting something quite different from what I actually got. This is not so much a memoir, as a philosophical essay on aging.
I was expecting more of Anna's life. She does make reference to incidents in her life from time to time to illustrate a point she is making, but that is all. And while I may feel slightly disappointed, Quindlen makes a lot of valid points about aging, about how we are aging differently to how our parents aged and to how our children will age. She talks about the opportunities and choices we had that our parents never had, and how many more of these our children have.
I think that this is a book that I will pick up again in the future and reread. While I didn't find it funny, there is a great deal of wisdom contained within. And next time I read this, I will be ready for it.
All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own. Please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the 'about' page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com for an explanation of my rating system. This review and others are also published on my blog sandysbookaday.wordpress.com https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
It's so hard to tell them the truth, that there is no formula, no plan. It's harder still to communicate that your life has been filled with accidents and that they have determined so much of how things turned out. Some have been happy accidents, some not. There were plans for a family but the right partner didn't come along, or came along too late. There were plans for a big family but after the first child there was no other, or plans for an only child that were changed by an accidental pregnancy. My early plans to have no children at all morphed into plans to have four, and we wound up with three. And now that seems exactly right, even fated somehow. It's amazing how resilient people are, and how the things that didn't come true become, after a while, simply the way things are.
THE BLURB: “[Quindlen] serves up generous portions of her wise, commonsensical, irresistibly quotable take on life. . . . What Nora Ephron does for body image and Anne Lamott for spiritual neuroses, Quindlen achieves on the home front.”—NPR
In this irresistible memoir, Anna Quindlen writes about a woman’s life, from childhood memories to manic motherhood to middle age, using the events of her life to illuminate ours. Considering—and celebrating—everything from marriage, girlfriends, our mothers, parenting, faith, loss, to all the stuff in our closets, and more, Quindlen says for us here what we may wish we could have said ourselves. As she did in her beloved New York Times columns, and in A Short Guide to a Happy Life, Quindlen uses her past, present, and future to explore what matters most to women at different ages. Quindlen talks about
Marriage: “A safety net of small white lies can be the bedrock of a successful marriage. You wouldn’t believe how cheaply I can do a kitchen renovation.”
Girlfriends: “Ask any woman how she makes it through the day, and she may mention her calendar, her to-do lists, her babysitter. But if you push her on how she really makes it through her day, she will mention her girlfriends. ”
Our bodies: “I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality-delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and in the years to come.”
Parenting: “Being a parent is not transactional. We do not get what we give. It is the ultimate pay-it-forward endeavor: We are good parents not so they will be loving enough to stay with us but so they will be strong enough to leave us.”
Candid, funny, and moving, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is filled with the sharp insights and revealing observations that have long confirmed Quindlen’s status as America’s laureate of real life.
MY THOUGHTS: I liked Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen, but I didn't love it. I think I was expecting something quite different from what I actually got. This is not so much a memoir, as a philosophical essay on aging.
I was expecting more of Anna's life. She does make reference to incidents in her life from time to time to illustrate a point she is making, but that is all. And while I may feel slightly disappointed, Quindlen makes a lot of valid points about aging, about how we are aging differently to how our parents aged and to how our children will age. She talks about the opportunities and choices we had that our parents never had, and how many more of these our children have.
I think that this is a book that I will pick up again in the future and reread. While I didn't find it funny, there is a great deal of wisdom contained within. And next time I read this, I will be ready for it.
All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own. Please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the 'about' page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com for an explanation of my rating system. This review and others are also published on my blog sandysbookaday.wordpress.com https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
May 27, 2012
What is it like to be a Mother, a woman, a working woman, a feminist, a baby boomer...or someone who's aging, who is at the end of their life with little options? What is faith, motherhood, marriage, work, being a woman, friendship, love, life, or God forbid, death? What in our life are absolutely not necessary or important?
I used to read Anna Quindlen's column religiously, not because we have a similar life as other readers claimed (her kids are older, her career is more successful, she's happily married...), it's because no one can analyze a complex situation or phenomenon, then is also able to explain it simply yet eloquently with a dash of humor. She can see everyday situation that we encounter in a deeper sense, in which she contributed to the loss of her Mom at a tender age of 19. She explained why mortality is always on her mind:
"But the gift that some of us have been given, in exchange for terrible loss, is the gift of that knowledge."
Being able to see and feel things deeply enables her to write in a language unlike all others. Her word choices are simple although carefully chosen and perfectly arranged. Yet they strike the perfect chord in my heart. Her advices are insightful, brilliant and sad in a way. The life that all of us women have to go through...We thought we had it so perfectly planned, not to avoid mistakes, not to delay anything or miss opportunities...We wanted the perfect job, the perfect husband, kids at the right age, yet the outcome is usually unpredictable. We go through exactly the same cycle, the generation before us, and the generation after us, although many circumstances have changed, most for the better.
"I would tell my twenty-two-year-old self that what lasts are things so ordinary she may not even see them: family dinners, fair fights, phone calls, friends. But of course the young woman I once was cannot hear me, not just because of time and space but because of the language, and the lessons, she has yet to learn. It's a miracle: somehow over time she learned them all just the same, by trial and error."
The whole book is full of insightful and poignant writings like the above, I highlighted all of them so I could go back and re-read them, think about them, ponder about her words, and how similar they are to my own, and many other women in the same stage of their life.
"There comes that moment when we finally know what matters and, perhaps more important, what doesn't, when we see that all the life lessons came not form what we had but from who we loved, and from the failures perhaps more than the successes..."
She also talked about our affinity to possessions, our refusal to retire or acknowledge mortality. She explained what a longer life expectancy and better healthcare has changed our expectation of life...for both better or worse. She explained the wonder of having girlfriends, although they might be different ones in different stages of our life. She indicated that women's movement has bought us great changes, thanks to all the women before us, but we are not yet there...Everything that we encounter or to be encountered in our life as a woman is in this gem of a book. I highly recommend it to all "finely aged" women out there. However, I do think that younger women will find this book useful, if they don't see it as preachy due to their age. Finally, Quindlen said since we don't have an absolute definition of "old", she was going to give it one:
"...OLD is wherever you haven't gotten to yet."
"When I think of that future, I know that my choices will narrow, have been narrowing as surely as a perspective drawing leading the eye to the focal point. I won't be going to medical school and becoming a surgeon. I'm not going to live in Italy or learn Chinese. I may have to become more thrifty and less spontaneous, may be lonelier and needier than I'd like..."
But, as she wrote, drawing is okay, sitting in a big chair with a long book is okay, spending long hours pulling together ingredients for a stew and staying inside all day while its aroma seeps into every corner of the house is okay, eating alone while reading a book is also okay. Life is....to be continued.
I used to read Anna Quindlen's column religiously, not because we have a similar life as other readers claimed (her kids are older, her career is more successful, she's happily married...), it's because no one can analyze a complex situation or phenomenon, then is also able to explain it simply yet eloquently with a dash of humor. She can see everyday situation that we encounter in a deeper sense, in which she contributed to the loss of her Mom at a tender age of 19. She explained why mortality is always on her mind:
"But the gift that some of us have been given, in exchange for terrible loss, is the gift of that knowledge."
Being able to see and feel things deeply enables her to write in a language unlike all others. Her word choices are simple although carefully chosen and perfectly arranged. Yet they strike the perfect chord in my heart. Her advices are insightful, brilliant and sad in a way. The life that all of us women have to go through...We thought we had it so perfectly planned, not to avoid mistakes, not to delay anything or miss opportunities...We wanted the perfect job, the perfect husband, kids at the right age, yet the outcome is usually unpredictable. We go through exactly the same cycle, the generation before us, and the generation after us, although many circumstances have changed, most for the better.
"I would tell my twenty-two-year-old self that what lasts are things so ordinary she may not even see them: family dinners, fair fights, phone calls, friends. But of course the young woman I once was cannot hear me, not just because of time and space but because of the language, and the lessons, she has yet to learn. It's a miracle: somehow over time she learned them all just the same, by trial and error."
The whole book is full of insightful and poignant writings like the above, I highlighted all of them so I could go back and re-read them, think about them, ponder about her words, and how similar they are to my own, and many other women in the same stage of their life.
"There comes that moment when we finally know what matters and, perhaps more important, what doesn't, when we see that all the life lessons came not form what we had but from who we loved, and from the failures perhaps more than the successes..."
She also talked about our affinity to possessions, our refusal to retire or acknowledge mortality. She explained what a longer life expectancy and better healthcare has changed our expectation of life...for both better or worse. She explained the wonder of having girlfriends, although they might be different ones in different stages of our life. She indicated that women's movement has bought us great changes, thanks to all the women before us, but we are not yet there...Everything that we encounter or to be encountered in our life as a woman is in this gem of a book. I highly recommend it to all "finely aged" women out there. However, I do think that younger women will find this book useful, if they don't see it as preachy due to their age. Finally, Quindlen said since we don't have an absolute definition of "old", she was going to give it one:
"...OLD is wherever you haven't gotten to yet."
"When I think of that future, I know that my choices will narrow, have been narrowing as surely as a perspective drawing leading the eye to the focal point. I won't be going to medical school and becoming a surgeon. I'm not going to live in Italy or learn Chinese. I may have to become more thrifty and less spontaneous, may be lonelier and needier than I'd like..."
But, as she wrote, drawing is okay, sitting in a big chair with a long book is okay, spending long hours pulling together ingredients for a stew and staying inside all day while its aroma seeps into every corner of the house is okay, eating alone while reading a book is also okay. Life is....to be continued.
January 1, 2017
For some reason, in my head I constantly confuse Anne Tyler and Anna Quindlen- no idea why. While I was reading this novel, I kept thinking I was reading about Anne Tyler's life. This book is more like vignettes into Anna Quindlen's life. I was immediately taken with the writing- every sentence, paragraph, and page was filled to the brim with words that brought her story to life for me. She starts out the book strong and projecting equal opportunity for those taking the road less traveled. I found myself pumping my fist in unison with some of her expressions and quotes she expertly wove into her narrative. Clearly, her family is most important to her (as it should be) and she continues to beat that point home.
Towards the end, I found myself mired with reading what seemed like the same thing over and over again. I can't fault her gorgeous prose- the woman has a way with words. At the end of the book, I thought to myself "hmm- seems so perfectly wrapped up in a tidy little bow" which is exactly how I would write stories about my life while living in my 60's. Idyllic that Quindlen can cherish and appreciate the privilege she has been afforded.
Towards the end, I found myself mired with reading what seemed like the same thing over and over again. I can't fault her gorgeous prose- the woman has a way with words. At the end of the book, I thought to myself "hmm- seems so perfectly wrapped up in a tidy little bow" which is exactly how I would write stories about my life while living in my 60's. Idyllic that Quindlen can cherish and appreciate the privilege she has been afforded.
July 22, 2012
I like Anna Quindlen a lot. I think she's a very good writer who writes about important subject.
However, it turns out that she is a better read for articles. An entire book is too much to read all at once.
The difficulty lies in getting to know her too well. She is actually younger than I, and espouses a heightened consciousness about working women. But the privilege is very hard to take in large doses, and her feminism is just too tinged with lack of discernment about class and race issues. I'm going back to her, but in small doses.
However, it turns out that she is a better read for articles. An entire book is too much to read all at once.
The difficulty lies in getting to know her too well. She is actually younger than I, and espouses a heightened consciousness about working women. But the privilege is very hard to take in large doses, and her feminism is just too tinged with lack of discernment about class and race issues. I'm going back to her, but in small doses.
July 21, 2013
We used to have so much in common, Anna. But one of us went astray and clearly it was me. I didn't marry Gerry, have three perfect kids, a perfect job, two perfect homes and fame. Anna, I loved your stories of crying in the bathroom at the Times and Quin and Chris licking their orange fingers and saying "I like these"' after their first run-in with Cheetos.
The subtitle of this memoir is Read it and weep ladies for I have created the perfect life. In spite of being the first woman who ever had to go to work I managed to do it all, not just sometimes but always.
It was nice to include an admission of alcoholism but it comes across like the politician who says, "I work too hard" since you stopped before hurting anyone, or even doing something shameful. What a shame that such a gifted writer didn't't trust us as she used to.
And by the way, Anna, there were quite a few working mothers out there before you; teachers , nurses, cleaning ladies, librarians, clerks, tellers, secretaries, you name it. Some of them were even (gasp) newspaper columnists. And most didn't have lawyer husbands and loads of paid helpers.
The subtitle of this memoir is Read it and weep ladies for I have created the perfect life. In spite of being the first woman who ever had to go to work I managed to do it all, not just sometimes but always.
It was nice to include an admission of alcoholism but it comes across like the politician who says, "I work too hard" since you stopped before hurting anyone, or even doing something shameful. What a shame that such a gifted writer didn't't trust us as she used to.
And by the way, Anna, there were quite a few working mothers out there before you; teachers , nurses, cleaning ladies, librarians, clerks, tellers, secretaries, you name it. Some of them were even (gasp) newspaper columnists. And most didn't have lawyer husbands and loads of paid helpers.
March 25, 2012
You will love this book from the very first paragraph. It is about every woman's concerns from Day One of their worrying years. You will laugh and say to yourself...."oh my, how true." Or...."wow...that happened to me."
Each chapter had a topic that was very poignant and one that will make you reflect as you read through the incidents and facts. The chapter titled Generations and the chapter titled To Be Continued definitely brought tears to my eyes. Another chapter titled Older will make you laugh out loud.
Your emotions will be taken on a fun, wild ride with every chapter. Be prepared for tears and laughter as well as sound advice along with points to ponder...especially in the last chapter.
The book was factual but personal because it brought many private topics to light. Any woman over 50 should enjoy this book. Younger women may laugh, but may not get the full impact. It is a great, light read for the most part. Some comments especially about our children and the role they play in our lives really hit home and how we as women need each other to make it all happen for us.
The author also comments that it certainly is a blessing that we were born when we were and not when our mothers had been born and that each generation most probably will look back on some of the strides made and think that event wasn't a big deal because that had been happening for a while. Take the time to read and enjoy the book and your life....that is what Anna Quindlen taught me.
Each chapter had a topic that was very poignant and one that will make you reflect as you read through the incidents and facts. The chapter titled Generations and the chapter titled To Be Continued definitely brought tears to my eyes. Another chapter titled Older will make you laugh out loud.
Your emotions will be taken on a fun, wild ride with every chapter. Be prepared for tears and laughter as well as sound advice along with points to ponder...especially in the last chapter.
The book was factual but personal because it brought many private topics to light. Any woman over 50 should enjoy this book. Younger women may laugh, but may not get the full impact. It is a great, light read for the most part. Some comments especially about our children and the role they play in our lives really hit home and how we as women need each other to make it all happen for us.
The author also comments that it certainly is a blessing that we were born when we were and not when our mothers had been born and that each generation most probably will look back on some of the strides made and think that event wasn't a big deal because that had been happening for a while. Take the time to read and enjoy the book and your life....that is what Anna Quindlen taught me.
January 7, 2015
I listened to the audio of this book and was brought into the world of Anna Quindlen, told in her own voice. I have not read her nonfiction before, but have devoured her fiction work. This was a wonderful look at the woman behind the stories I have loved.
Women who were growing up in the 60's and 70's will relate so well to this book. I am not sure the younger generation will but they could learn quite a lot if they were so inclined. She talks of changes in the role of women, balancing careers and motherhood, reaching for the brass ring among many other things. She does a wonderful job of comparing her mothers life to her own and yet again to her daughters generation. She does it with a wit and wisdom that does come with age, with the ability to look at yourself honestly and appreciate who you are and how you got to this point.
If you are of this generation....then you will catch yourself nodding your head, laughing out loud and recalling your own coming of age in this ever-changing world. I could relate to so much that she shares....our own mothers, our breaking the housewife mold and joining the work force, raising a much more enlightened generation of children. But most of all, I took away a feeling of joy, at being of a certain age and being good with who I am. That our 50's and 60's are not the "old age" of the generation before.
She shared a quote from a friend who had become a grandmother...and said: "You are never too old to have the best day of your life." I hope this is true.
She delves quite a bit into the loss of her own Mother when she was young, and I think this has probably shaped her writing quite a bit. She shares her thoughts on many a hot topic....religion, aging, parenting, etc....and at times seemed to drone on a bit, but overall this was a wonderful book to listen to. Her opinions have me reflecting on my own life.....the past and all those memories, and the future which I can only hope holds many more.
Women who were growing up in the 60's and 70's will relate so well to this book. I am not sure the younger generation will but they could learn quite a lot if they were so inclined. She talks of changes in the role of women, balancing careers and motherhood, reaching for the brass ring among many other things. She does a wonderful job of comparing her mothers life to her own and yet again to her daughters generation. She does it with a wit and wisdom that does come with age, with the ability to look at yourself honestly and appreciate who you are and how you got to this point.
If you are of this generation....then you will catch yourself nodding your head, laughing out loud and recalling your own coming of age in this ever-changing world. I could relate to so much that she shares....our own mothers, our breaking the housewife mold and joining the work force, raising a much more enlightened generation of children. But most of all, I took away a feeling of joy, at being of a certain age and being good with who I am. That our 50's and 60's are not the "old age" of the generation before.
She shared a quote from a friend who had become a grandmother...and said: "You are never too old to have the best day of your life." I hope this is true.
She delves quite a bit into the loss of her own Mother when she was young, and I think this has probably shaped her writing quite a bit. She shares her thoughts on many a hot topic....religion, aging, parenting, etc....and at times seemed to drone on a bit, but overall this was a wonderful book to listen to. Her opinions have me reflecting on my own life.....the past and all those memories, and the future which I can only hope holds many more.
August 4, 2013
Someone on here once criticized Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" as being too self-centered. This person wrote that another title for her book could have been "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME." I, on the other hand, am a big fan of Elizabeth Gilbert and a HUGE fan of "Eat, Pray, Love," and I vehemently disagree with that review.
THIS book is the memoir that could have been titled "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME." This writer is so self-absorbed, it's ridiculous. Each passage is basically a mini "all about ME" and we're all invited. I wish that the author had shown a little more humility. That would have made this book a better read.
One of the most annoying authors I have ever read. Do not recommend.
THIS book is the memoir that could have been titled "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME." This writer is so self-absorbed, it's ridiculous. Each passage is basically a mini "all about ME" and we're all invited. I wish that the author had shown a little more humility. That would have made this book a better read.
One of the most annoying authors I have ever read. Do not recommend.
March 26, 2018
(4.5) A splendid memoir-in-essays that dwells on aging, parenting and female friendship. Some of its specific themes are marriage, solitude, the randomness of life, the process of growing into your own identity, and the special challenges her generation (roughly my mother’s) faced in seeking a work–life balance. Her words are witty and reassuring, and cut right to the heart of the matter in every case. I can’t think why I hadn’t read anything by Quindlen until now, but I can highly recommend her to fans of Gail Caldwell, Anne Lamott, Betsy Lerner (The Bridge Ladies), Ann Patchett (especially This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage) and May Sarton. I marked out so many passages, but here are a few favorites:
“You never listen to me. You always forget. You never help. You always say that. You never do that. Petty grievances in marriage are like hothouse tomatoes: they get way bigger than they ought to, and they bear little resemblance to the real thing.”
“It may be that all people become more of whatever they mostly are as they grow older, the good as well as the bad: more outspoken, less inhibited, funnier, more gregarious. Sometimes it seems as though age strips away the furbelows, the accessories, and leaves just the essential person”
“Oh, those little stories we tell ourselves. They make us what we are, and too often, what we’re not. They are the ten commandments of incapability, cut to order. I can’t cook. I’m not smart. I’m a bad driver. I’m no jock. Maybe they’re even true. It’s hard to tell at a certain point. The little stories we tell ourselves become mythic, difficult if not impossible to discount or overcome. They get written into our DNA”
“I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and in the years to come.”
“You never listen to me. You always forget. You never help. You always say that. You never do that. Petty grievances in marriage are like hothouse tomatoes: they get way bigger than they ought to, and they bear little resemblance to the real thing.”
“It may be that all people become more of whatever they mostly are as they grow older, the good as well as the bad: more outspoken, less inhibited, funnier, more gregarious. Sometimes it seems as though age strips away the furbelows, the accessories, and leaves just the essential person”
“Oh, those little stories we tell ourselves. They make us what we are, and too often, what we’re not. They are the ten commandments of incapability, cut to order. I can’t cook. I’m not smart. I’m a bad driver. I’m no jock. Maybe they’re even true. It’s hard to tell at a certain point. The little stories we tell ourselves become mythic, difficult if not impossible to discount or overcome. They get written into our DNA”
“I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and in the years to come.”
August 23, 2020
Honest, intelligent, big-hearted -- & inspiring. Quindlen ponders her slice of experience growing up in U.S., and muses on how the experiences of women in America. She does a wonderful job of narrating her audiobook.
August 24, 2012
It's a rare day when I give a book five stars. In this case, I picked up a personal, poignant reflection on womanhood at just the right moment in my life. Anna Quindlen, who writes reliably excellent books, shares her thoughts on materialism, kids, girlfriends, work, body image, religion, growing old and so much more.
I very much appreciate Quindlen's down-to-earth style. Her experiences are highly relatable, told with stories that both made me laugh and rang sometimes all too true.
A couple of my favorite quotes:
- "Petty grievances in marriage are like hothouse tomatoes: they get way bigger than they ought to, and they bear little resemblance to the real thing."
- "For me, one of the greatest glories of growing older is the willingness to ask why and, getting no good answer, deciding to follow my own inclinations and desires."
I recommend this book to just about any woman whose heart and mind are open to exploring the pains and joys of female-ness. And to men interested in a very compelling narrative about the female experience of growing up and growing old!
I very much appreciate Quindlen's down-to-earth style. Her experiences are highly relatable, told with stories that both made me laugh and rang sometimes all too true.
A couple of my favorite quotes:
- "Petty grievances in marriage are like hothouse tomatoes: they get way bigger than they ought to, and they bear little resemblance to the real thing."
- "For me, one of the greatest glories of growing older is the willingness to ask why and, getting no good answer, deciding to follow my own inclinations and desires."
I recommend this book to just about any woman whose heart and mind are open to exploring the pains and joys of female-ness. And to men interested in a very compelling narrative about the female experience of growing up and growing old!
March 4, 2012
Yeah, I'm so excited. I won an Anna Quindlen book in a First Reads giveaway. I can't believe it. I'll be watching the mail for it and let you know how great it is. She is a wonderful writer. I used an essay by her as an example of good writing when I taught Freshman comp back in the late 80's.
My book arrived and I read the first three short pieces and now am going to get busy and read more.
Reading this book was delayed by bronchitis, but I have finished it and can recommend it to women in the 50 plus age-group as an interesting collection of pieces reflecting on "life so far". Found lots of thoughts that resonated with my 66 year old self. While I view life somewhat differently, I loved reading Anna's perspective and as always enjoyed her "way with words".
My book arrived and I read the first three short pieces and now am going to get busy and read more.
Reading this book was delayed by bronchitis, but I have finished it and can recommend it to women in the 50 plus age-group as an interesting collection of pieces reflecting on "life so far". Found lots of thoughts that resonated with my 66 year old self. While I view life somewhat differently, I loved reading Anna's perspective and as always enjoyed her "way with words".
August 6, 2012
Although the book is a "memoir" it seems much more a compilation of musings and essays about life and aging. Quindlen addresses many issues that I have often contemplated. Her life perspective is interesting, she puts a positive spin on aging. One can't think too much about the book because what's next? Many of the passages in the book are worthy of discussion.
September 9, 2012
I want to preface this review with the statement that I love Anna Quindlen's fiction and I am a fan of hers on Goodreads. One True Thing stands as one of my all time favorites, and I gave it 5 stars, which I only bestow upon a select few. With that being said...onto this review.
There were parts of the book that were 4 or 5 star worthy. Unfortunately this was marred by the author seeming to forget that she is speaking from a place in life that most women her age have never experienced, and most likely never will. Give me the gritty story of a woman who fought her way tooth and nail through difficulties and struggle and emerged victorious, over the one where she lives a comfortable life with summer homes, long months spent writing without distraction, vacations, etc. This is not to criticize her for her story or her voice in any way, and to be married to one person for decades is an accomplishment if it is happy. However, she over generalizes and makes statements that are from her personal experience and her opinion as if she is Buddha telling the rest of us pearls of wisdom that are relevant to us all. For instance, she states that unhappily married people should stay together for the sake of the children. This is easy to say when you have not been unhappily married, or even more so when you have not been the child of two unhappily married people. Each situation is different and can only be judged by the individuals living it. There was only one reference to another point of view, which I believe was her sister, who was divorced and living happily on her own. When asked why she had not remarried, she said "It would take a hell of a man to replace no man at all." Amen, sister!
There were parts of the book that were 4 or 5 star worthy. Unfortunately this was marred by the author seeming to forget that she is speaking from a place in life that most women her age have never experienced, and most likely never will. Give me the gritty story of a woman who fought her way tooth and nail through difficulties and struggle and emerged victorious, over the one where she lives a comfortable life with summer homes, long months spent writing without distraction, vacations, etc. This is not to criticize her for her story or her voice in any way, and to be married to one person for decades is an accomplishment if it is happy. However, she over generalizes and makes statements that are from her personal experience and her opinion as if she is Buddha telling the rest of us pearls of wisdom that are relevant to us all. For instance, she states that unhappily married people should stay together for the sake of the children. This is easy to say when you have not been unhappily married, or even more so when you have not been the child of two unhappily married people. Each situation is different and can only be judged by the individuals living it. There was only one reference to another point of view, which I believe was her sister, who was divorced and living happily on her own. When asked why she had not remarried, she said "It would take a hell of a man to replace no man at all." Amen, sister!
January 27, 2020
Although I only read half of this book - because after the first half it got reallllllly boring to me - I'll still give it 3 starts. I *do* like Anna Quindlen. Perhaps if I were 10-15 years older, I would have read and treasured this compliation of "life lessons" from the spunky and witty authoress. But her middle-age monologue about life as an upper-middle class or lower-upper class woman just wore on me a bit too much. Yes, I would love a summer house in New England and write for three months, taking a break from Nick and the kids; but still be madly in love with them as well. But that shit isn't gonna happen. So, I'll keep living with them and not writing, or painting, or making tiaras during the summer months in glorious half-to-whole solitude. Perhaps, when I hit 60 and hopefully retire from work to dedicate my time to writing the novel about the underground life after apocalypse, or adding research and notes to Nick and my history of film watching together - I'll be able to reflect upon my life as a young and creative mother, a charming co-worker, and the grandest lover.
June 9, 2017
Fantastic memoir by Anna Quindlen about marriage, parenthood, career, being a women today versus years ago, religion, aging, the writer's life, and more. I really enjoy her stories, experiences and her voice. I particularly loved hearing about her career as a reporter and writer. It gave you the inside scoop behind the woman who wrote for so many of us. If you were a fan of her column when she wrote for the New York Times years ago, then this will feel like a reunion with an old friend.
July 25, 2017
Okay, this seems harsh, because it isn't a bad book - for those it's actually meant for - but hear me out:
This was the sort of book that you read in order to find yourself in its pages. As someone really far away from her targeted demographic I did not identify with much. I found that the author wasn't particularly interested in explaining her opinions – only stating them for others who could relate. I had hoped that I would gain some deeper understanding of the perspectives from those of her generation, but mostly I just got kind of the surface stuff that I'd more or less figured out for myself. The book as a whole seemed like someone reminiscing with her friends – I was not one of her friends.
There were some things that I got out of the book. I enjoyed the bits where she talked about her perspectives of the relations between generations. And the chapter on mortality was also more interesting because that was a view that it seemed like she didn't share with her peers.
Coming from different times we have different issues we face as well. Topics that seemed revolutionary to her were things that were obvious to me; insights that could have potentially been revolutionary for me were not fleshed out enough to allow them to be.
I had a hard time getting behind her writing style too. It seemed like she rambled a lot and was constantly straying from the topic that was intended to be discussed in each chapter. At times I noticed that she seemed to contradict herself or try a little too hard to sound poetic or worldly. It also seemed like she made huge generalizations on the experiences of her generation. I wouldn't know if these are experiences that are universal to those women she considers her peers, but I did notice that there was a huge lack of actual references to studies/polls (there could be more, but I really only remember one). It just seemed like she took that idea from her younger years that other women really saw themselves in her life and so she took that as the fact that all did. And it just made me a little uncomfortable to think about applying her personal opinions to all the women I know of the boomer generation who don't seem to think that way. Honestly, I dreaded picking it up and had a very difficult time finishing it.
I'm sure this is a book that really connects with a lot of women, but though I would have loved to get some deeper understanding of what they go/went through this book failed to provide that to me. Maybe it's like she says in the beginning – that the younger generations fail to understand the ideas of the older ones – but that is because we are very different and the experiences of her time don't exactly perfectly apply to the issues of today.
This was the sort of book that you read in order to find yourself in its pages. As someone really far away from her targeted demographic I did not identify with much. I found that the author wasn't particularly interested in explaining her opinions – only stating them for others who could relate. I had hoped that I would gain some deeper understanding of the perspectives from those of her generation, but mostly I just got kind of the surface stuff that I'd more or less figured out for myself. The book as a whole seemed like someone reminiscing with her friends – I was not one of her friends.
There were some things that I got out of the book. I enjoyed the bits where she talked about her perspectives of the relations between generations. And the chapter on mortality was also more interesting because that was a view that it seemed like she didn't share with her peers.
Coming from different times we have different issues we face as well. Topics that seemed revolutionary to her were things that were obvious to me; insights that could have potentially been revolutionary for me were not fleshed out enough to allow them to be.
I had a hard time getting behind her writing style too. It seemed like she rambled a lot and was constantly straying from the topic that was intended to be discussed in each chapter. At times I noticed that she seemed to contradict herself or try a little too hard to sound poetic or worldly. It also seemed like she made huge generalizations on the experiences of her generation. I wouldn't know if these are experiences that are universal to those women she considers her peers, but I did notice that there was a huge lack of actual references to studies/polls (there could be more, but I really only remember one). It just seemed like she took that idea from her younger years that other women really saw themselves in her life and so she took that as the fact that all did. And it just made me a little uncomfortable to think about applying her personal opinions to all the women I know of the boomer generation who don't seem to think that way. Honestly, I dreaded picking it up and had a very difficult time finishing it.
I'm sure this is a book that really connects with a lot of women, but though I would have loved to get some deeper understanding of what they go/went through this book failed to provide that to me. Maybe it's like she says in the beginning – that the younger generations fail to understand the ideas of the older ones – but that is because we are very different and the experiences of her time don't exactly perfectly apply to the issues of today.
May 3, 2015
I've read all of Quindlen's novels, but have avoided every one of her non-fiction books because that's usually what I do with non-fiction, avoid it. I listened to this so I could have the author herself speak to me, and it was very enjoyable if you don't mind the New York accent, and I don't. She mainly writes about motherhood, so this memoir is no different. But if that was all she wrote about, she wouldn't be my favorite author of the.moment. She discusses how times have changed from when she was a young adult to now, when young adults stuggle to find meaningful employment. She talks about women in the workplace, and how it's changed from when her mother worked prior to getting married. The death of her mother is covered, which her mother predicted would give her something to write about, and it did. Also marriage, aging, staying healthy, dying, grieving, Catholicism, and much more. She loves life and hopes to stick around in it for a long, long time. I hope so too so that I may have many more of her novels to look forward to.
July 18, 2020
It’s difficult for me to express in words how much I liked and ‘NEEDED’ this collection of essays. Everything I think about every single day - aging, health, beauty standards, career, parents, children, relationships, sisterhood, marriage, death - Quindlen writes about so beautifully, with such gratitude and kindness. It’s a lovely style that draws you in, interesting anecdotes that make you stay. Sometimes she rambles on and makes you lose your rapt attention, other times she’s philosophical or has a different take on life that you would have. To many readers she appears too content and privileged, putting on an exaggeratedly happy spin on old age and life. But why shouldn’t we, why shouldn’t we be grateful for this gift of life? Critics also comment on how she’s ‘comfortable’ and not ‘radical’ enough. But that’s perfectly okay with me too. She’s trying her best, to live an examined life and to support the younger generation of women. Give me a joyful affirmation of life any day ! My first Quindlen book, and I will be reading many others.
September 28, 2014
This was outside my usual reading range. I was looking at it because I'd come across some enthusiastic reviews and I thought it might be a nice gift for a sibling. I can see why Quindlen is a popular writer: she articulates those things about her life (our lives) that are peculiar and noteworthy and sometimes stressful and talks about them with us. It must be a great relief for some folks to discover that here is someone who thinks exactly like them.
However, I may be a bit of an outlier. I have some of the same feelings, thoughts, ambitions as the next guy (gal) but perhaps it all seems a little too avuncular. I like the idea of laughing at the human predicament: collecting things, growing old, developing illnesses, etc. but somehow I didn't find the deeper message and it wasn't funny enough.
However, I may be a bit of an outlier. I have some of the same feelings, thoughts, ambitions as the next guy (gal) but perhaps it all seems a little too avuncular. I like the idea of laughing at the human predicament: collecting things, growing old, developing illnesses, etc. but somehow I didn't find the deeper message and it wasn't funny enough.
August 22, 2014
OK, so this is the question: What is a guy doing reading a book that a gal wrote for other gals? Well, one reason is that this is a book about what it is like to be a woman. I want to know about that. When there is an M box and an F box, the answer is easy. Unless you think about it. I mean, gender is probably a continuum, right? Lots of shades of differences and variations for all of us. Many of think of life as (pardon the phrase) black or white. A or B. M or F. But there is a feminine part of me and I want to know more about it since mostly the world around me points me in the M direction.
When I was young and lived in the liberal town of Ann Arbor, I once went to a book store. It was a women’s book store. When I got there, there was a sign on the door that basically said, “If you are a man, we can’t tell you not to come in, but we would prefer if you didn’t.” I was despondent. I didn’t go in. But I was hurt.
So today, when I see a book labeled chick lit, I try not to feel hurt. But I am. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to freely read this book? I like to think that Anna would agree that it is OK! In fact, I would like to think that she would think that it is a good idea for me to read this book. But I am not sure she really does think that.
Let me make a gross exaggeration here. I think this book is at least as much about femininity as about feminism. That disappoints me because I have viewed the author predominantly as a modern progressive woman. I thought she came across as much more of a traditionalist here, talking about traditional women’s roles. (For example, she talks about her use of “beauty” products and even Botox.) If you read the book, you will undoubtedly find plenty of counterexamples in this relatively short book, but I think Quindlen’s balance is at least slightly in the direction of putting women in the sexist box that they have (in my opinion) been trapped in for a long time. This factor loses a star for me and makes me think I could have skipped this book. If I had borrowed this book from the library instead of actually buying it, I might have taken it back unfinished. But since, I bought it, I had to read it! Drat!
My overall reaction to this book has more to do with my expectations not being met than with my assessment of the book. The book was better than OK but I was primed for something more radical, less liberal. So, if you are radical, I don’t think you would like this book much.
But if you are NOT a radical, and I guess it turns out that I might not be in this context, this book has plenty of fun if you try not to be too serious (a challenge for me). Quindlen has always been determined to research a subject and she does a good deal of that in all her books. To her credit.
You won’t be surprised to hear that Anna Quindlen is a complex woman. And she shows her complexity in Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. I may have misjudged her several times as I read the book. And so this review might be like a teeter-totter, up and down about her. I enjoy her writing style and her drive to research as the good journalist she is. I am distressed by her “but still” (yes, there are a lot of really bad things about the Catholic church, but still…) tolerance.
I wind up with three stars. A strong three stars modified down to that grade by my perception that the author was not as radical as I would have liked her to be. I would have liked to have seen her take on the topic of aging from a more radical point of view.
When I was young and lived in the liberal town of Ann Arbor, I once went to a book store. It was a women’s book store. When I got there, there was a sign on the door that basically said, “If you are a man, we can’t tell you not to come in, but we would prefer if you didn’t.” I was despondent. I didn’t go in. But I was hurt.
So today, when I see a book labeled chick lit, I try not to feel hurt. But I am. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to freely read this book? I like to think that Anna would agree that it is OK! In fact, I would like to think that she would think that it is a good idea for me to read this book. But I am not sure she really does think that.
We build our lives bit by bit of small bricks, until by the end there’s a long stretch of masonry. But one of the amazing, and frightening, things about growing older, about seeing yourself surrounded by the Great Wall of Life, is that you become aware of how random the construction is, how many times it could have gone a different way, the mistakes you averted, not because you were wise, perhaps, but because you were lucky. . . At the time you think that’s just how it is. And when years after, when you consider all the ways in which things went differently for people like you, you wonder.
Let me make a gross exaggeration here. I think this book is at least as much about femininity as about feminism. That disappoints me because I have viewed the author predominantly as a modern progressive woman. I thought she came across as much more of a traditionalist here, talking about traditional women’s roles. (For example, she talks about her use of “beauty” products and even Botox.) If you read the book, you will undoubtedly find plenty of counterexamples in this relatively short book, but I think Quindlen’s balance is at least slightly in the direction of putting women in the sexist box that they have (in my opinion) been trapped in for a long time. This factor loses a star for me and makes me think I could have skipped this book. If I had borrowed this book from the library instead of actually buying it, I might have taken it back unfinished. But since, I bought it, I had to read it! Drat!
My overall reaction to this book has more to do with my expectations not being met than with my assessment of the book. The book was better than OK but I was primed for something more radical, less liberal. So, if you are radical, I don’t think you would like this book much.
But if you are NOT a radical, and I guess it turns out that I might not be in this context, this book has plenty of fun if you try not to be too serious (a challenge for me). Quindlen has always been determined to research a subject and she does a good deal of that in all her books. To her credit.
I went to various journalism sites and writing style books to nail down the cutoff point for “elderly,” the precise definition of an old person, or an older one. It seems that old is a moving target.
Some gerontologists divide us into the young-old, ages fifty-five to seventh-four, and the old-old, over seventy-five. In a survey done by the Pew Research Center, most people said that old begins at sixty-eight. But most people over the age of sixty-five thought it began at seventy-five.
You won’t be surprised to hear that Anna Quindlen is a complex woman. And she shows her complexity in Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. I may have misjudged her several times as I read the book. And so this review might be like a teeter-totter, up and down about her. I enjoy her writing style and her drive to research as the good journalist she is. I am distressed by her “but still” (yes, there are a lot of really bad things about the Catholic church, but still…) tolerance.
I wind up with three stars. A strong three stars modified down to that grade by my perception that the author was not as radical as I would have liked her to be. I would have liked to have seen her take on the topic of aging from a more radical point of view.
November 10, 2014
I generally enjoy Anna Quindlen's essays, and I can't say I didn't like this one, but over the course of my reading relationship with Anna, I have started to feel a chasm open up between us. Part of it is a feeling that her essays have become (dare I say it?) a little self-congratulatory (Christ, there is even a Q&A with MERYL STREEP (!!) at the end of this book which is a real pat-ourselves-on-the-backs), and the other part is a feeling that Anna does not exactly inhabit the world of real working women anymore and does not seem to understand what it is like for the rest of us. Yes, Anna and I were both career women living in NYC in the 80s, but my current life does not involve a three story brownstone on the UES and a country house, and her essays regarding her overwhelming satisfaction with both places rubs a little. And while it is fine for Anna to say that elderly people should be able to age and eventually die in their own homes, I am very sure that she has the financial ability to hire live-in help and renovate her father's home should he become infirm, but not all of us have that ability, and so, it chafes a little for Anna to pass judgment on decisions that some of us have to make.
While I used to feel like I could sit down with Anna and have a few cocktails and a real conversation, I have come to see that I was somewhat misguided in imaging that scenario. (Besides, she doesn't see the point in drinking, as one essay explains.)
While I used to feel like I could sit down with Anna and have a few cocktails and a real conversation, I have come to see that I was somewhat misguided in imaging that scenario. (Besides, she doesn't see the point in drinking, as one essay explains.)
April 14, 2012
I really enjoy Anna Quindlen's style and her writing is unsurpassed. This book was enjoyable, but as a working slightly past middle aged woman, I found it difficult to relate to her in many areas. She has lived a privileged lifestyle thaT she assumes is common to everyone. The first essays in this book address the accumulation and comfort she has found in the "stuff" that makes up her life and while in the end she suggests that possessions aren't important, she fondly talks about her homes and apartments. And in an essay discussing aging, she decries plastic surgery and reconstructing appearances while admitting to Botox and other treatments. I don't believe hers is a common experience. She provides a glimpse into a different lifestyle, but not necessarily those of the common woman.
July 21, 2012
I will begin this review by stating that if you are approaching sixty, or have already passed that golden age, this is a must read book. Well, must read if you are a woman. I suppose this will sound sexist, but we all know men don't think and feel the same as we do. I have always loved this author and she does me proud once again. You will cry and laugh, but mostly you will connect with most everything she says. And in its own way her writing can bring you solace and peace.
May 26, 2022
Review originally published January 2013
Since I have read several of her novels, I was anxious to read Anna Quindlen’s memoir, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. I have always enjoyed her writing, and this book doesn’t disappoint! Quindlen is very conversational and her perspective is spot-on. She uses her past, present, and what she believes to be her future, to examine what matters to women at different ages.
A few of my favorite chapters are "Girlfriends," "Solitude," "Stuff," and "Mirror, Mirror." In "Girlfriends," she speaks about being young with an uncomplicated life, when friends are the center of our world. We can all remember how our parents couldn’t understand how we could talk for hours on the phone.
Some friends fall away, but the ones that stick are tended by and tended for. There are storms to weather, gaps of no contact, sunshine, and picking up where you left off. It’s the history you share that is lasting.
I can relate to Quindlen’s comment to Janet, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” There may or may not be anything to discuss. It’s the presence at the house across the street or on the other end of the phone line that matters.
The chapter on "stuff" hit home also. We all have possessions, and responsibility to our stuff, but the filing cabinets in our heads are not only full, they’re overflowing. Coming up with a piece of information is tough at times.
The author’s chapter entitled "Older" has interesting statistics on happiness and age. Yes, people do complain about their sore feet, strained back, and joint replacements, but if pushed they will tell you they are happier now than when they were young.
Quindlen has plenty of humorous anecdotes on driving, children, and the word elderly. Times have changed. Our grandmothers at sixty were very different than we are today. Better is now. We have seen the drama, the friends and family, the tedium, the men, the jobs, the mistakes, and the ones we avoided. She says what we wish we could have said ourselves. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout this book, maybe because I’m in the same age group as Anna Quindlen.
Be sure to stop in a La Crosse County Library location in Bangor, Campbell, Holmen, Onalaska, or West Salem to find any of Quindlen’s fiction or nonfiction. For more information about any of our services check out our website at www.lacrossecountylibrary.org.
Find this book and other titles within our catalog.
Since I have read several of her novels, I was anxious to read Anna Quindlen’s memoir, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. I have always enjoyed her writing, and this book doesn’t disappoint! Quindlen is very conversational and her perspective is spot-on. She uses her past, present, and what she believes to be her future, to examine what matters to women at different ages.
A few of my favorite chapters are "Girlfriends," "Solitude," "Stuff," and "Mirror, Mirror." In "Girlfriends," she speaks about being young with an uncomplicated life, when friends are the center of our world. We can all remember how our parents couldn’t understand how we could talk for hours on the phone.
Some friends fall away, but the ones that stick are tended by and tended for. There are storms to weather, gaps of no contact, sunshine, and picking up where you left off. It’s the history you share that is lasting.
I can relate to Quindlen’s comment to Janet, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” There may or may not be anything to discuss. It’s the presence at the house across the street or on the other end of the phone line that matters.
The chapter on "stuff" hit home also. We all have possessions, and responsibility to our stuff, but the filing cabinets in our heads are not only full, they’re overflowing. Coming up with a piece of information is tough at times.
The author’s chapter entitled "Older" has interesting statistics on happiness and age. Yes, people do complain about their sore feet, strained back, and joint replacements, but if pushed they will tell you they are happier now than when they were young.
Quindlen has plenty of humorous anecdotes on driving, children, and the word elderly. Times have changed. Our grandmothers at sixty were very different than we are today. Better is now. We have seen the drama, the friends and family, the tedium, the men, the jobs, the mistakes, and the ones we avoided. She says what we wish we could have said ourselves. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout this book, maybe because I’m in the same age group as Anna Quindlen.
Be sure to stop in a La Crosse County Library location in Bangor, Campbell, Holmen, Onalaska, or West Salem to find any of Quindlen’s fiction or nonfiction. For more information about any of our services check out our website at www.lacrossecountylibrary.org.
Find this book and other titles within our catalog.
March 8, 2012
Anna Quindlan is one of those writers you know you can count on. This collection of essays is described as a memoir, but is really a series of essays on what it means for a woman to turn 60 with grace. Every woman reading this, especially those of a certain age, will nod in recognition at the shared experiences physical and emotional especially when the life has been well spent. There is nothing outstanding about her, if you take her at face value. She was an extremely bright young woman who graduated from Barnard, married, had three children that she remains friends with after they've grown. She's married to the same man she met in college. But add to all that her trail breaking career with the New York Times, the fact that she departed to become a full time novelist so she could work from home, and she's won a Pulitzer. Her powers of observation are acute, the clarity of her prose, legendary. More than a little humor sprinkles her observations. When you've finished this collection yes, you feel as if you know her, but more exactly, that she knows you.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,788 reviews