Diana in Search of Herself: Portrait of a Troubled Princess

by Sally Bedell Smith

The first authoritative biography of one of the most fabled women of the twentieth century—Princess Diana—that paints an insightful and haunting portrait, a “chilling vision of loneliness, need, and untreated mental illness” (USA Today). “[Sally Bedell] Smith has done a remarkable job extracting what’s genuinely pertinent and interesting about Diana. . . . If you’re going to read one Diana book, this should be it.”—NewsweekFor all that has been written about Diana—the books, the commemorative magazines, the thousands of newspaper articles—we have lacked a sophisticated understanding of the woman, her motivations, and her extreme needs. Most books have been exercises in hagiography or character assassination, sometimes both in the same volume. With Diana in Search of Herself, acclaimed biographer Sally Bedell Smith has written the first truly balanced and nuanced portrait of the Princess of Wales, in all her emotional complexity.Drawing on scores of exclusive interviews with Diana’s friends and associates, Smith explores the events and relationships that shaped the Princess, the flashpoints that sent her careening through life, her deep feelings of unworthiness, her view of men, and her perpetual journey toward a better sense of self. By making connections not previously explored, Diana in Search of Herself allows readers to see Diana as she really was, from her birth to her tragic death.Original in its reporting and surprising in its conclusions about the severity of Diana’s mental health problems, Diana in Search of Herself is the smartest and most substantive biography ever written about this mesmerizing This edition does not include photographs.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, History, Royalty, Memoir, British Literature

660 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 25, 1999

About the author

Author of six biographies: Elizabeth the Queen: The Life of a Modern Monarch (Random House 2102); For Love of Politics: Bill and Hillary Clinton: The White House Years (Random House 2007); Grace and Power: The Private World of the Kennedy White House (Random House 2004); Diana In Search of Herself: Portrait of a Troubled Princess (Random House 2004); Reflected Glory: The Life of Pamela Churchill Harriman (Simon & Schuster, 1996); In All His Glory: The Life and Times of William S. Paley and the Birth of Modern Broadcasting (Simon & Schuster, 1990).
Contributing Editor at Vanity Fair since 1996.
Previously cultural news reporter for The New York Times, staff writer for TV Guide, and reporter-researcher for Time Magazine.
Awarded the Sigma Delta Chi Distinguished Service Award for magazine reporting in 1982; fellow at the Freedom Forum Media Studies Center at Columbia University from 1986 to 1987.
B.A. from Wheaton College and M.S. from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.

Reviews

[Ann Clay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very biased in favor of Charles. Makes Diana look like she was so mentally ill she was completely mad. Too extreme, in my view. Totally absent is what kind of a husband Charles was, how he was incapable of having a modern marriage. Clearly Diana had her problems, but I doubt anyone save Camilla could stand being married to the PoW.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read several books about Diana as they came out over the years, and this one breaks the mould because it captures her severely compromised mental and emotional state as a human being while simultaneously acknowledging the good she was able to accomplish as Princess of Wales. A serious read for anyone concerned about the implications of our collective societal obsession with fame, celebrity, and the part we all play in abetting our media. No one is demonized in this portrayal, and the principals are handled with well-rounded insight. The fact that the author strongly suspects that Diana was crippled with a condition known as borderline personality, that is, a condition on the border between our familiar neuroses and those uncontrollable states of psychosis, schizophrenia, & manic-depression, is persuasively argued with documentation. The tragedy for Diana and for all of us is that it was too attractive to ignore the signs and symptoms, for those around her and for us her world-wide audience. She managed her fairy-tale princess role just well enough to "pass" as sane and healthy, but Bedell Smith demonstrates that those closest to her lived another reality entirely when it came to Diana.

[Margie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I could not get past the first few chapters. The author presents Diana as a dull dimwit from the get-go. Seemed biased to me.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

With 100 pages of notes, bibliography, and index at the end, the book was obviously well researched. Although the author was not without her own opinions, I thought she presented Diana and the various people in her life fairly evenhandedly, with equal praise for their virtues and criticism for their flaws.

The author's suggestion that Diana suffered from borderline personality disorder seems plausible. After reading this account, I have no doubt that the princess was extremely difficult to deal with at times, but that doesn't stop the author from also presenting Diana's exceptional kindheartedness and empathy, and the innocent vulnerability that made her so popular.

Because the book's narrative was so littered with quotes from its MANY sources, the writing style was a bit choppy to read. Though it was told roughly in chronological order, sometimes the author would pursue one line of thought or one aspect of the situation to its conclusion, then be forced in the following chapter to jump back in time to begin the next line of thought, which could make the overall timeline of events slightly confusing. Other than that, I have no complaints about the book's readability.

All in all, it was a heartbreaking read. The poor girl was so monumentally unsuited for the life she found herself in, and that sad fate shaped the woman she was to become. Despite her extreme emotional fragility, her strength of will enabled her to go on in her impossible situation, year after year struggling to wrest some meaning and security and autonomy out of her life.

To me, the accounts of her "erratic behavior" and "psychological problems" read like descriptions of some desperate trapped wild bird bashing itself against a window mindlessly seeking escape, while all the "help" she got was help to try to force herself to fit better into her situation, with not an ounce of help to suggest that maybe it was simply the wrong situation to begin with. It's tragic that she and Charles ever married at all. They both seem like they meant well, but didn't realize they were completely unsuited for each other until it was too late to avoid wrecking each other's lives.

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have been wanting to read a good book on Princess Diana as of late. I have been hearing a lot of good things from other people about Sally Bedell Smith. Apparently, quote on quote, she is the go to when it comes to the Windsors. I been wanting to her books on Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth. So I decided to read her book on Diana and work my down to her other books. I was very disappointed in this book. This book is very pro-Royalist. This book was more vilifying Diana rather than trying to psychoanalyze her. Diana comes off as so mentally ill and conniving that it's over the top. I’m not one of these people that think that Diana can do no wrong, but this portrayal of her was disgusting. Charles of course comes out smelling like roses. You can’t tell me that a man who was cheating both emotionally and physically throughout their marriage was fighting hard to stay together. The moment that Charles told Diana on the day of their marriage that he didn’t love her, and basically that he was doing it out of duty, the marriage was over. And Bedell Smith wonders why Diana was so resentful to him? What woman in her right mind wouldn’t be. Bedell Smith of course blames the ending of the marriage on Diana’s “ mental illness”. Meanwhile excusing Charles of his behavior. Stating that he didn’t start having a physical relationship with Camilla until he and Diana started to lead separate lives from each other, which I don’t believe at all. But he was clearly having an emotional affair with her. Which is just as bad. Bedell smith touches briefly on Charles/Camilla, but takes time to go through in great detail of all Diana’s affairs. By the end of this Diana comes out looking like she is not only batshit crazy, but she is a whore as well. The constant contradictions in this book was driving me up the wall. And to self-diagnose Diana as having Borderline personality based on interviews from unnamed sources, tabloid articles, and interviews with friends that Bedell smith admitted that one time or another Diana had fallings out with is ridiculous. She did use interviews with Diana herself, it's presumptuous of Bedell Smith to give diagnose to Diana when she herself is not a medical professional. And from what I understand Bedell Smith met Diana once and she barely spoke two words to her. I’m guessing that Diana was getting bad vibes off her. And from this book she was right. The irony of this is that this portrait was not based on any evidence. Just hearsay and gossip.Relying on people who had their own agenda. She did use interviews from Diana, but it doesn’t take much to twist someone’s words in order to fit your own agenda. If you're looking for an unbiased account on Princess Diana this is not the book for you. It's a waste of trees as far as I’m concern. One down, and two to go. And so far Bedell Smith has not shown me that she is the expert when it comes to Windsor's.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides a perceptive, no-flinching look at a young woman who apparently had little purpose in life except to project an image and be a celebrity. The highly detailed and well documented chronological survey reveals all of her psychological weaknesses that were hidden or glossed over by the British newspapers. Smith pours forth the evidence that Diana Spencer had a borderline psychotic personality, perhaps permanently damaged when her own mother deserted the family when Diana was 6. Smith credits Diana for presenting a public persona that was mostly glowing and sympathetic to the poor and sick. But, privately, she was quick to suspect the worst in close acquaintances and cut off friendships for the slightest grievance. Although she could charm nearly everyone with her smile and witty small talk, she remained an airhead, preferring shopping to reading. The book, focusing strictly on Diana herself, leaves many murky areas concerning others in the Royal Family. Just why did Prince Charles pick her for a wife when he could have had many others who were pretty and intellectually superior to Diana? Was it his own lack of self-confidence that he chose a much younger girl whom he perhaps thought he could dominate? The Queen's relationship with Diana is another area not fully explored. We get very little about her child-rearing activities. Perhaps the biggest unanswered question is why no one close to her fully recognized her psychiatric state and attempted an intervention. The Queen could have ordered it but chose to look the other way.
With so much detail, the book could have been made clearer if it included time lines depicting what was going on with Diana and Charles as the marriage crumbled. I am still uncertain as to which one was the first to commit adultery. Apparently both started getting the itch to stray around 1985-86. Diana, apparently convinced Charles already had gone back to Camilla Parker-Bowles, picked up a bodyguard, Sgt. Barry Mannakee, in the spring of 1985. Charles claimed he kept his liaison with Camilla platonic until 1986.
This book probably is best read in tandem with Jonathan Dimbleby's biography of Prince Charles. Someday, perhaps after Charles is dead, Camilla may feel free to add her memoir to the stew. But, sad to say, Smith's portrait of Diana may remain the definitive one -- a self-centered woman, refusing to undertake therapy in any disciplined way, and taking much more than she gave.

[KOMET · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book made me realize that, as much as I admired and adored Princess Diana, how little I knew about the real Princess of Wales.

No matter all the press I read about Diana during her lifetime, this book --- which is replete with quotes and attributions from many of Diana's friends, detractors, and associates whom the author interviewed --- has brought home to me how deeply troubled and conflicted Diana was about herself and her relationship to the world around her. Yet, in spite of all that, here was a woman who --- by the example she sought to establish, first, through her position within the royal family while married to Prince Charles, and later, following her separation and divorce, her role as an all-around humanitarian --- made a profoundly positive difference in the lives of so many people the world over.

Charisma, in a person with genuine compassion and great beauty, can be a winning asset when it inspires others to give love and support to the less fortunate among us.

Princess Diana proved to be one of those rare, transcendental personalities, who, during the course of her life, through her public profile and example, appealed so winningly to the better angels of our nature.

[Verna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the most comprehensive look at Diana, Princess of Wales, that I have read yet. It gives a more complete picture of her early life and what happened to her when she married into the royal family. It is obvious Diana had a lot of issues going on in her mental/emotional life. One gets the sense of a little girl abandoned early on by everyone in her immediate family. I don't think she got over this fact, she was too vulnerable and sensitive as a result. I think the author's perception of her as having Borderline Personality Disorder is right on track. Perhaps if she had not married Prince Charles and lived as a ordinary person she could have resolved her problems and lived a safer, happier life. The royal life was not for her and Prince Charles was not her Prince Charming in reality. It is heartbreaking that Diana took a long time to accept this truth. But Princess Diana was like many woman in this respect, this is why we all loved her and identified so much with her. She was very human and made bad choices like we all do. If you are a fan of Princess Di, or not, you will find much of interest in this book.

[Sally Larkin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very pro Charles. I'm incredibly suspicious of a woman with no medical training who met Diana briefly, once, but feels confident enough to diagnose them with severe mental health conditions.

The book is contradictory too. On the one hand the author says that Diana had deep scars in her psyche caused by childhood trauma. On the other she says that her childhood was not traumatic and Diana made it all up.

She's in such a rush to demonise every word and gesture from Diana that she can't possibly admit that Diana ever said anything true, even if that means trashing her own hypothesis about the trauma causing mental issues.

There's a lot of other silly statements like the author pretending that it is a sign of mental health issues if your personality and outlook changes over a decade which is patent nonsense.

Can't take very seriously and wouldn't recommend.

[Helen Birkbeck · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was very disappointed by this as, despite posing as a balanced and objective account of Diana's life and personality, almost every page seemed to reinforce the author's prejudices and (medically uninformed?) opinion of what was wrong with the princess. Yes, we know she had many problems and behaved very badly at times, but there didn't seem to be much sympathy or understanding for her here. Even the good things about her were slanted negatively. I wonder if there will ever be a truly fair account of the amazing but troubled Diana...

[Deb Stratas · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sorry, I didn't like this one. Although it is a fairly comprehensive treatment of Princess Diana's life, it suggests that she was unbalanced and had a mental illness that colored her judgment and life decisions. I feel it's disrespectful, and not well backed up. Sorry, Sally!

[Fredsky · Rating 1 out of 5]

A boring book about Princess Diana! Thick with quotes that skew the narrative, disorganized, wordy, self-importance oozing from the author... I really hated it. Borderline personalities are interesting, aren't they? (Until the thrill is gone) But Sally Bedell Smith is such a serious journalist that all drama, all interest is beaten to a pulp. I'd rather watch a video loop of a woman in cowboy boots jumping on broken glass for an hour than try to read this book straight through to the end. This book reads like a bad thesis. Save your eyeballs!

[Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Largely focused on proving a theory of Borderline Personality Disorder (and very in-depth and well-researched on that angle), to the almost complete exclusion of other aspects of Diana's life. Her relationship with her children is rarely discussed, and it felt incomplete in parts. But overall, a disturbing, fascinating read.

[Dara S. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was long and had small print. It took me forever to get through it. It shed some light on Diana's personality and the way she was.

[Debra B · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, that was an interesting (and very revealing) read. The book certainly casts a very different light on Diana and members of the royal family, none of it pretty.

[Rachel Boothe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was nine years old when Charles and Diana married, and like many girls my age and many adults, I believed in the fairytale of their marriage. I followed them and the British Royal Family closely until Diana died in 1997. I, like many people, blamed the royal family for Diana's problems and viewed her as the "lamb to the slaughter" that she portrayed herself to be. I only sporadically followed them after her death, but when William and Kate married in 2011, my interest was renewed. It was about this time that I began to learn more tidbits of their "fairytale" that did not fit the narrative of the pro Diana press . I wanted to do a little more investigation and I was looking for a book that presented a balanced perspective and was not one-sided. Sally Bedell Smith's book is exactly that. When I began reading this book, I had already reached the conclusion that both Charles and Diana were mutually responsible for the breakup of their marriage. This book only cemented my opinion on that. After reading this book I managed to feel compassion for both Charles and Diana due to their upbringing. Sadly, their childhoods were a contributing factor in them both becoming needy individuals who were too consumed in their own issues to truly help the other. Charles did try to help Diana at the beginning of their marriage, but her deeply cemented beliefs regarding the nature of his attempts caused her to never follow through. At the same time I hold them both responsible for the events that led to the breakup of their marriage. They both chose to commit adultery and not honor their marriage vows, and for that they only have themselves to blame. At the very core, I believe they never truly loved each other. I could not put this book down all the way through it, but the most interesting chapter in this book is the last one. It is a psychoanalysis of Diana, and it is fascinating. I feel the author hit the nail on the head in her diagnosis of Diana's mental issues. This is the first book I have read by Sally Bedell Smith, and I don't plan on it being the last. She is an excellent writer and I felt she researched her subject matter very well in writing this book.

[Mary Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have this waiting to be read. I wasn't too keen on another tired encomium to Diana, but after reading Bedell Smith's books on Queen Elizabeth II, the Clintons, and the Kennedys, I'll give it a go. 10/14/2012 I was never a "Diana-watcher" and read most about her after she died. Much of what I read either praised her as an almost-saint or decried her as a traitor to the royal family and/or an unstable homewrecker. This bio is objective and thoughtful and gives the reader some insight into the magnetism this woman holds for so many as well as an analysis of a troubled personality, a person beset by both circumstances and her own failings. I find it interesting to ask, "Why do we even care?" My answer is that Diana entranced and fascinated millions world-wide. I'm glad I read this; it kind of puts her life into some reasonable perspective.

[Dolores · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible read. She does extensive research, but is so set on proving that Princess Diana had Borderline Personality Disorder, it becomes difficult to get through the actual story of her life. The ending is literally no discussion of her death & aftermath, but instead pages on BPD. She savages Anna Pasternak's book on Diana yet quotes it, while again telling us how poorly the book was received, etc., and again, quoting it.

I am a historian with a Ph.D., so reading long, historiography and biographies is not foreign to me. This is one to skip, sadly. Seemingly, Princess Diana did indeed suffer from a myriad of conditions, but this book is so skewed, it's simply drudgery.

[Jane · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope. No. Thanks but no thanks. I had a terrible time getting past the first chapter so I started to skim entire chapters. The more I saw, the more I wished I had just given up (but I am reading this for a book discussion group). To tell the truth, I felt that the author, in writing this book and in her portrayal of Diana, was no better than the paparazzi who dwell on such people. I was extremely disappointed in this book and in the author (who, I heard, had a good reputation for being an excellent journalist).

[Oshun · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can't believe I read the whole thing. I blame on the lockdown.

[Luna Jordan · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be completely honest, this book is only getting a high rating because I enjoy books like this, where I hear things about the royal family that are or are not true (if anything, it’s probably somewhere in the middle). I do not like how Diana is portrayed. As I said, the truth lies somewhere in the middle; there is no way in hell she was that mentally unwell and vindictive. If that were true, no one in her private life would’ve given two shits about her, unless you’re trying to tell me she was fucking everyone.

[Katiepertee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve always been interested in Princess Diana and this book did not disappoint, I learned so much that I never knew about her life and the royal family. She is such an interesting woman and if your interested in her then I definitely recommend this book

[Katherine Coble · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a confusing book. The author--a journalist with no medical degrees--keeps diagnosing various mental disorders. She builds a profile of a deeply unpleasant person suffering from multiple mental illnesses. My confusion comes primarily from the author's decision to spend so much time on a person she seems to utterly dislike. I feel like the book was written in part to curry favour with the Queen and with the Prince of Wales.

I am not a diana fan. I had admired her as a 10yo but as I grew up and watched her grow more prideful I lost interest. Apparently I retained enough interest to check this book from the library but not enough interest to be excited about it.

[Dale Stonehouse · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a tough one to get through, perhaps because of the difficulty with which the princess approached life and her world. The premise that Diana suffered from borderline personality disorder is probably accurate; it would have been nice to read a bit more about the positive side of that affliction. The book did give a clear picture of how she dealt (poorly) with her fear of abandonment, which is really the only causal factor in BPD; everything else stems from it. It also demonstrated the degree of control desperately sought, which manifests itself as "I can make you come to me" and "I can make you go away before you leave me" in alternating insanities.

[Kerry McDonald · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gave me a little better understanding of Charles and his difficulty in dealing with Diana. (Heck she had FEELINGS. Dear God!) But pretty sure Bedell Smith didn't like Diana. She repeatedly commented on how dumb Diana was. Repeatedly! She suggested several different mental illnesses including paranoid schizophrenia, before finally deciding she has Borderline Personality Disorder. It was a really negative book about Diana and I took it with a HUGE grain of salt. But even with that, I think it gave me a better understanding of Diana and what she went through.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was exhausting as I suspect Diana was to those close to her. If you are attached to the myth of the martyred victimized princess, this will either be an eye opener or just offend you. The truth is Diana was unstable and difficult and likely to have never sustained a marriage even in the easiest circumstances.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-researched. Shows Diana as a complex human being, with beautiful strengths and dark shadows, caught up in a family, system and society that didn't quite know how to help her fulfill her highest potential.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. What an actress Diana was.

An insightful look at the possible psychological undercurrents of the personality of the Princess of Wales.

I have changed my mind about her -- again.

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad story of a very troubled young woman.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Realistic portrait

Very engrossing book. As someone who has never read anything on Diana, I found this book thoroughly engaging with extremely detailed sources.