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I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child
From the author of Hold On, But Don’t Hold Still, the emotionally charged and eye-opening account of a mother who navigates the cacophony of best practices and urgent advice from parenting authorities in search of a way to support her teen as he maps his own path to mental health.
When Kristina Kuzmič started to see signs that her otherwise sunny, resilient teenage son was struggling, she was sure a few simple fixes could right the ship. But over the following months, the issues her family faced became more nuanced, complicated, and pervasive than she could've predicted—and what began as a clear to do list spiraled into an emotionally fraught and seemingly endless push and pull between signs of progress and overwhelming fear.
Despite her best efforts, Kuzmič had internalized a set of obligations, ideas, and unrealistic standards from parenting culture and social media that left her unprepared to guide her child when he needed her most. Featuring an urgent and affirming foreword by renowned and New York Times bestselling clinician Dr. Shefali Tsabary—Kuzmič's new book debunks ten "parenting truths” that kept her in crisis, and delves into her insecurities and the mistakes she made to reveal invaluable lessons and transformative approaches that worked.
While her family stands on the other side now stronger than ever, Kuzmič's journey calls to parents who have felt the instinct to say “I can fix this” in situations where good intentions far exceed our abilities to enact change.
When Kristina Kuzmič started to see signs that her otherwise sunny, resilient teenage son was struggling, she was sure a few simple fixes could right the ship. But over the following months, the issues her family faced became more nuanced, complicated, and pervasive than she could've predicted—and what began as a clear to do list spiraled into an emotionally fraught and seemingly endless push and pull between signs of progress and overwhelming fear.
Despite her best efforts, Kuzmič had internalized a set of obligations, ideas, and unrealistic standards from parenting culture and social media that left her unprepared to guide her child when he needed her most. Featuring an urgent and affirming foreword by renowned and New York Times bestselling clinician Dr. Shefali Tsabary—Kuzmič's new book debunks ten "parenting truths” that kept her in crisis, and delves into her insecurities and the mistakes she made to reveal invaluable lessons and transformative approaches that worked.
While her family stands on the other side now stronger than ever, Kuzmič's journey calls to parents who have felt the instinct to say “I can fix this” in situations where good intentions far exceed our abilities to enact change.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2024
179 people are currently reading
1968 people want to read
About the author
Kristina Kuzmic
4 books194 followersKristina Kuzmic is a cheerleader for her fellow humans. It’s not something she ever anticipated doing, but after immigrating to America from Croatia during the war in her homeland and later facing more challenges (divorce, single parenting, poverty, depression…), Kristina wanted to be for others what she wished someone had been for her during her darkest hours.
Now, with over one billion video views, Kristina is providing her audience with encouragement, hope and humor in a role she never expected to fill.
In 2011, when Oprah crowned Kristina the winner of Mark Burnett’s reality TV competition “Oprah’s Search for the Next TV Star,” Oprah said, “What is that THING?…That’s so charming and charismatic and connected to the audience that makes you feel like, ‘I know her, I want to be her, I’m like her’… Kristina has all of that. She is an ‘IT PLUS’ girl… I wanna watch her!”
Since working with Oprah, Kristina has branched out on her own, creating mom-centric videos about raising children and juggling all of life’s challenges. Her messages resonate with moms, dads, and even those who don’t have children. She has quickly become a viral sensation with well over 2.8 million Facebook followers. Kristina has a voice and personality that has proven to be a hit with a massive audience (from young millennials through Gen-Xers and even Baby Boomers).
The Huffington Post referred to Kristina’s videos as “Parenting comedy at its finest,” and The Inquisitrhas praised her “witty charm.” People, Yahoo, Cosmopolitan, Us Weekly, Parents,and many more have posted articles on her creative parenting advice and unique humor, and media outlets across the country are picking up her videos and re-posting them. Kristina has quickly made a name for herself as a creative, yet unpretentious parent, as well as a world-renowned motivational speaker and comedian. She is currently touring the country with her “Hope & Humor” tour. Her first book,Hold On But Don’t Hold Still, will be released through Penguin Random House in February 2020.
Kristina and her husband live in Southern California, where her most important, rewarding, and exhausting roles include being a sanitation engineer, chef, chauffer, conflict resolution guru, and cheerleader for her three (mostly satisfied) clients – her children.
Now, with over one billion video views, Kristina is providing her audience with encouragement, hope and humor in a role she never expected to fill.
In 2011, when Oprah crowned Kristina the winner of Mark Burnett’s reality TV competition “Oprah’s Search for the Next TV Star,” Oprah said, “What is that THING?…That’s so charming and charismatic and connected to the audience that makes you feel like, ‘I know her, I want to be her, I’m like her’… Kristina has all of that. She is an ‘IT PLUS’ girl… I wanna watch her!”
Since working with Oprah, Kristina has branched out on her own, creating mom-centric videos about raising children and juggling all of life’s challenges. Her messages resonate with moms, dads, and even those who don’t have children. She has quickly become a viral sensation with well over 2.8 million Facebook followers. Kristina has a voice and personality that has proven to be a hit with a massive audience (from young millennials through Gen-Xers and even Baby Boomers).
The Huffington Post referred to Kristina’s videos as “Parenting comedy at its finest,” and The Inquisitrhas praised her “witty charm.” People, Yahoo, Cosmopolitan, Us Weekly, Parents,and many more have posted articles on her creative parenting advice and unique humor, and media outlets across the country are picking up her videos and re-posting them. Kristina has quickly made a name for herself as a creative, yet unpretentious parent, as well as a world-renowned motivational speaker and comedian. She is currently touring the country with her “Hope & Humor” tour. Her first book,Hold On But Don’t Hold Still, will be released through Penguin Random House in February 2020.
Kristina and her husband live in Southern California, where her most important, rewarding, and exhausting roles include being a sanitation engineer, chef, chauffer, conflict resolution guru, and cheerleader for her three (mostly satisfied) clients – her children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 248 reviews
May 27, 2024
No one prepares you for when you have a child that is struggling. Parenthood isn’t sunshine and rainbows, there is often times really hard shit no one talks about because they are scared of being judged or ashamed of what their kids are going thru. I’ve been there, I tried to talk to people, and no one wanted to listen. It was awful and so lonely. This book helped me feel less alone. Their courage to share their raw and vulnerable story leaves me full of hope that one day mental health won’t be such a taboo topic. We have to talk about this stuff. Thank you Kristina and Luka, you helped this momma feel less alone. Much love to you both.
June 7, 2025
Wow. I was listening while my husband was sleeping next to me…up (again) worrying about my child. I had to go to the other room because I was almost sobbing. I’ve never felt more seen or validated by a book. And I feel like I’ve read SO MANY tips/tricks/self-help books about parenting. Little did I know, I just needed to know someone else had been through similar struggles.
May 22, 2024
A raw and honest book. Relatable and a must read. Thanks Luca and Kristina for your words and honesty.
February 1, 2025
I follow a lady named Cheryl Cardall on IG. She is all about the mental health and has children with lots of mental health issues. She gives everybody permission not to have a perfect storybook family and life. She has a really good podcast as well. She started a book club, and this was the first book.
One mother's journey with her teenage son, who was plagued with severe depression and suicidal thoughts things. The only way he could find a modicum of happiness was to get high and drink alcohol. It was medicine for him. At the end, he gives his two cents.
"sometimes all of the processing and support isn't enough. The depression is so strong that a person is unable to apply all they've learned. It's like knowing how to swim, maybe even being an excellent swimmer, but the current is so powerful that despite all of your efforts, you can't make any headway. Medication calms the current. Therapy helps you swim forward."
"what I learned through support groups is that for those people who self medicate, drugs are not the problem. The problem is how they're feeling inside. Drugs, in their eyes, are the solution to the problem."
She talks about all of the things she did to improve her son, but when it really began to improve is when she started to fix herself, and that was the big secret. All the research and professional help they received and support groups were beneficial, but what helped, most was her shining light on the unhealed parts of herself that she brought into her parenting.
"my mind is hyperviligant when it comes to any potential warning signs. I can't help but notice every little detail, and then weave them into my narrative of fear." I've done this.
The part about the meatball sandwich at the end was actually pretty funny.
When the son gave his viewpoint at the end, he described exactly what depression and anxiety felt like. It was so helpful to understand what people go through. "anxiety felt like everyone was paying attention to me, analyzing my every move." I often feel like this.
He gave solutions that helped him, and one of them was hobbies. Whenever he started to spiral he had to force himself to do something productive instead of just doing nothing, because that made it worse. Surrounding himself with people like support groups were a huge step for him and sharing his thoughts because once he says it out loud, they feel lighter and what's alone in your head always feels heavier.
One mother's journey with her teenage son, who was plagued with severe depression and suicidal thoughts things. The only way he could find a modicum of happiness was to get high and drink alcohol. It was medicine for him. At the end, he gives his two cents.
"sometimes all of the processing and support isn't enough. The depression is so strong that a person is unable to apply all they've learned. It's like knowing how to swim, maybe even being an excellent swimmer, but the current is so powerful that despite all of your efforts, you can't make any headway. Medication calms the current. Therapy helps you swim forward."
"what I learned through support groups is that for those people who self medicate, drugs are not the problem. The problem is how they're feeling inside. Drugs, in their eyes, are the solution to the problem."
She talks about all of the things she did to improve her son, but when it really began to improve is when she started to fix herself, and that was the big secret. All the research and professional help they received and support groups were beneficial, but what helped, most was her shining light on the unhealed parts of herself that she brought into her parenting.
"my mind is hyperviligant when it comes to any potential warning signs. I can't help but notice every little detail, and then weave them into my narrative of fear." I've done this.
The part about the meatball sandwich at the end was actually pretty funny.
When the son gave his viewpoint at the end, he described exactly what depression and anxiety felt like. It was so helpful to understand what people go through. "anxiety felt like everyone was paying attention to me, analyzing my every move." I often feel like this.
He gave solutions that helped him, and one of them was hobbies. Whenever he started to spiral he had to force himself to do something productive instead of just doing nothing, because that made it worse. Surrounding himself with people like support groups were a huge step for him and sharing his thoughts because once he says it out loud, they feel lighter and what's alone in your head always feels heavier.
September 11, 2024
I've been a huge fan of Kristina's hilariously raw mom truth bomb videos for ages but in this latest book she get's really real, sharing her and her son's struggles with mental health, especially depression and substance abuse. Detailing their journey through therapy, rehab and learning how to communicate and get to a better place, this was a fantastically relatable must listen book for any parent going through similar struggles with a child who is suffering from depression and suicidal ideation. At times heartbreaking but still such an important read! I'm grateful Kristina and her son were able to share their journey with the world in the hope that it might help others with similar problems. MANY thanks to @prhaudio for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest thoughts!
August 1, 2025
My son has struggled with mental health concerns, very similar to Luka for the past almost 3 years. Reading this book help helped me feel seen and all of my emotions and struggles to help my son. I will continue to recommend this book to any parent who is struggling with children with their mental health.
April 23, 2025
Nu știu dacă este cea mai bună carte de parenting citită de mine dar cu siguranță este cea mai profundă. Kristina Kuzmic povestește de data aceasta încercările prin care a trecut cu fiul ei cel mare, Luka, în perioada adolescenței. Aici se ridică probleme de sănătate mintală, depresie, căutarea unui diagnostic, consum de droguri și alcool și multe altele cu care se confruntă astăzi tineretul.
Este foarte greu de digerat faptul că un părinte este nevoit la un moment dat să sune la poliție pentru propriul copil. Și mai greu este să îl asiguri că o faci pentru bunăstarea lui și a familiei. Trebuie să fie foarte greu ca mamă să îți susții copilul și în momentele critice și să-l iubești în continuare.
Povestea lui Luka este una tulburătoare și ca cititor, m-am întrebat și eu ca și autoarea, unde a fost greșeala, ce l-a făcut să alunece spre stările pe care le avea. Însă nu acesta e răspunsul care trebuie aflat ci ce se poate face.
Este foarte greu de digerat faptul că un părinte este nevoit la un moment dat să sune la poliție pentru propriul copil. Și mai greu este să îl asiguri că o faci pentru bunăstarea lui și a familiei. Trebuie să fie foarte greu ca mamă să îți susții copilul și în momentele critice și să-l iubești în continuare.
Povestea lui Luka este una tulburătoare și ca cititor, m-am întrebat și eu ca și autoarea, unde a fost greșeala, ce l-a făcut să alunece spre stările pe care le avea. Însă nu acesta e răspunsul care trebuie aflat ci ce se poate face.
July 16, 2024
Kristina Kusmic has decided to take the stigma our society has about mental health and put it through a shredder. With her son's full support, we follow her journey through taking care of him throughout his mental health struggles. She describes the raw emotions both she and her son went through, and the mistakes she made while trying to "fix" him, starting when he was 15 years old. It's a powerful, yet sad and frightening journey for her whole family. As a bonus, her son wrote the last chapter, so we get to hear from him in retrospect, how he felt while struggling and what he thought was happening at the time.
A must-read for all parents, even if your children are not struggling with mental health.
A must-read for all parents, even if your children are not struggling with mental health.
July 30, 2024
A must read for any parent. I listened to this book and hearing the author tell her story really added to the experience. I highly recommend the audio book.
June 24, 2024
Kristina Kuzmiči "Hold On, But Don't Hold Still” meeldis mulle väga, kus oli juttu lapsevanemaks olemisest, lastest, meestest, naistest, suhetest - elust üldisemalt. Samuti tema videolooming on mulle väga sümpaatne, kus läbi huumoriprisma on juttu tõsisematel teemadel. Kõnealuse raamatu pealkiri võiks olla maakeeli "Ma suudan selle korda teha ning muud valed, mida ma iseeendale rääkisin oma raskustes last kasvatades".
Eesti keeles pole kumbki neist ilmunud, stiili poolest on tegu sissevaatega ühe inimese ellu, antud juhul siis on juttu Kristina Kuzmiči pojast Lukast, kellel teismeliseeas tekivad algul tõsised käitusmisprobleemid - ning mis saab edasi, sellest raamat räägibki. Tegu pole populaarteadusega, võib-olla mingi nurga alt eneseabikirjandusega ehk.
"Vaatan oma pojale otse silma ja ometi ei näe ma teda. Ma vaatan tema sinistesse silmadesse, silmadesse, mis on olnud niivõrd täis uudishimu, naeru, energiat ja armastust, ja ometi on need nüüd kuidagi tühjad. Ma näen tema sõrmenukkidel veriseid kärnasid. Ta on jälle vannitoaplaate peksnud, püüdes tunda muud valu peale depressiooni ja ärevuse. Lähenen pojale aeglaselt ja panen käed ümber ta keha, keha mis on nüüd minu omast pikem, ümber sama keha, mis asetati mu kätele viisteist aastat tagasi, kui ta tegi must esimest korda ema. Hoian temast kõvasti kinni, kuulen tema hingeõhku, tunnen tema südamelööke, kuid ometi pole teda siin. Ma tahan oma poega tagasi."
Kuzmiči eelmine raamat ja praegune on huvitaval kombel seotud, kuna eelmise raamat väljatulemise ajal, mil ta ka ringi tuuritas ja igalpool raamatuesitlusi tegi, tekkisidki Lukal tõsised vaimsed probleemid. Seega ühel hetkel oligi küsimus, et kas peaks jätma raamatuga seonduva pooleli ja keskenduma sajaprotsendiliselt lapsele - ning siin tulevad mängu mitmed kõrvaltegelased, näiteks abikaasa Philip, kes Lukale on küll kasuisa kuid kes suudab omadega puntras kasupojaga teinekord pareminigi sama keelt rääkida kui keegi teine maailmas.
Kui rääkida diagnoosist, siis algul on lapsevanematel mulje, et nende poeg on teismeline, kes ikka katsetab piire, tahab elada elu omal viisil. Kui aga Luka käitumine ületab igasugused piirid, kus ühel hetkel on lausa vaja politsei abi, et last kaitsta iseenda eest, et kaitsta vanemaid vägivaldse lapse eest, siis ühel hetkel diagnoositakse Lukal (kliiniline) depressioon (kuna ma pole tõlk, siis pole kindel, kuidas on "clinical depression" eesti keeles), hiljem ka ärevushäire ja ATH. Meditsiini vaatenurgast on mängus erinevad nõustajad, psühhiaater, psühholoogid. Raamat räägib aga sellest, kuidas paistab kogu olukord pere poolt vaadates, kuidas selle kõigega just ema, Kristina Kuzmič, hakkama saab. Ülesehitus ongi läbi valede, mida ma iseendale räägime, neist peamine on - me suudame teisi inimesi korda teha. Noh... ega ei suuda ju küll. Abikäe saame ulatada - aga jama seest välja ronib ikka inimene ise.
Raamatus on mitmeid huvitavaid tähelepanekuid, suures osas läbi terapeutide suu, kellega Luka ja Kristina kokku puutuvad. Näiteks kui mingi hetk Kristina mainib, et tollal juba suitsiidselt lapselt sai karistuse eesmärgil telefon ära võetud, siis teeb selle peale psühholoog suured silmad ja sõnab (edasine pole täpne tsitaat vaid mälu järgi kirjutatud): "Mis te arvate, kas enesetapja enne tegu räägib kõrvaltoas olevate vanematega? Ei, ta võtab telefoni ja helistab oma sõbrale. Või mulle. Teate, kui palju kõnesid olen saanud enne enesetappu, mitu enesetappu ma olen ära hoidnud kuna mulle tuli telefonikõne hädas hingelt?"
Kui vaadata kogu seda maailma armastava lapsevanema vaatenurgast, kes näeb, kuidas tema ihu vili hädas on, antud juhul siis vaimse tõve käes vaevleb (ning ega olukord on ju universaalne, kõigil lapsevanematel on oma lastega erinevatel ajahetkedel probleemikohti) - üks suurimaid tõdesid siin maailmas on: teinekord asjad lihtsalt juhtuvad. Ka Luna vaimuhaiguse põhjust ei saadagi teada (kuigi ma olen üsna kindel, et lihtsa tõe pakkujad teavad kindlalt, milline vaktsiin või peavoolukooli programm selle tekitas). Ka ei saa me teisi inimesi ära lappida, korda teha, ära parandada. Küll aga saame me olla olemas, võtta stoilise rahuga vastu kõik rusikahoobid lapselt, teinekord hoida teda eemal lõplikke otsuseid tegemast. Rääkida hädalisega - ning rääkimine tähendab siin suuremas osas aktiivset kuulamist. Rääkimine tähendab valmisolekut, avatust, mõistvust, olla olemas ja kohal, peegeldada. Taha kalli ja pai - ning kui teine inimene ISE küsib, et mida sa asjast arvad, siis on õige hetk oma nokk lahti teha.
Samuti ei tohi ära unustada Maailma Kõige Olulisemat Inimest. Ei see pole su laps, ema või abikaasa. See oled sina ise, kõigepealt paned lennukiõnnetuses iseendale hapnikumaski pähe, siis lapsele, siis lähed teisi päästma. Kui Kristina Kuzmič sai Luka haiguse ajal 40-aastaseks, kas ta jättis oma juubeli tähistamise ära? Ei! Ta pidas sünnipäeva ära - ning kui hiljem Luka käest küsis, et kas oleks pidanud tegelikult ära jätma, siis Luna vastus oli ka kindel "ei". "Ema, kui sa oleks oma sünnipäeva siis ära jätnud, kui mina hullumajas olin, siis oleks ma end veel sitemini tundnud, kuna minu tõttu jätsid sa ära väga olulise ürituse oma elus." Taaskord mälu järgi kirja pandud, mitte täpne tsitaat. Aga jah - oleme ise terved, siis suduame ka teistele toeks olla.
Raamatu lõpus on peatükk Luka enda poolt, kus siis näeme, kuidas maailm paistis tema vaatenurgast. See on taaskord kuldaväärt sisekaemus - ning mida ta ise välja toob on: hobid. Kui maailm on tumemust ja tahab kokku kukkuda, siis hobid aitavad meelt lahutada, viia mõtted mujale, panevad liikuma ja tegutsema. Luka kirjeldab ka, kuidas näeb välja see, mismoodi ja miks depressiivne inimene on päevi voodis - ning hobid aitavad liikvele saada.
Kokkuvõtvalt: minu arvates on see suurepärane raamat nii lapsevanematele kui nendele, kes puutuvad kokku hädas inimestega. Ehk siis jah - raamat kõigile. Ei ole siin suuri tõdesid ja häid retsepte - on kirjeldus, kuidas üks ema aitab poega keerulistel aegadel ning äkki on sellest abi ka teistel... noh näiteks lapsevanematel. Eriti nendel, kes vägisi ja jõuga teisi tahavad korda teha. Sest üllatus-üllatus, asjad ei ole nii lihtsad. Teinekord parim abi on abi puudumine, aktiivne valmisolek ja hobuse kannatus.
Goodreads 5/5 ("ma ei saa seda korda teha, no ei saa")
Eesti keeles pole kumbki neist ilmunud, stiili poolest on tegu sissevaatega ühe inimese ellu, antud juhul siis on juttu Kristina Kuzmiči pojast Lukast, kellel teismeliseeas tekivad algul tõsised käitusmisprobleemid - ning mis saab edasi, sellest raamat räägibki. Tegu pole populaarteadusega, võib-olla mingi nurga alt eneseabikirjandusega ehk.
"Vaatan oma pojale otse silma ja ometi ei näe ma teda. Ma vaatan tema sinistesse silmadesse, silmadesse, mis on olnud niivõrd täis uudishimu, naeru, energiat ja armastust, ja ometi on need nüüd kuidagi tühjad. Ma näen tema sõrmenukkidel veriseid kärnasid. Ta on jälle vannitoaplaate peksnud, püüdes tunda muud valu peale depressiooni ja ärevuse. Lähenen pojale aeglaselt ja panen käed ümber ta keha, keha mis on nüüd minu omast pikem, ümber sama keha, mis asetati mu kätele viisteist aastat tagasi, kui ta tegi must esimest korda ema. Hoian temast kõvasti kinni, kuulen tema hingeõhku, tunnen tema südamelööke, kuid ometi pole teda siin. Ma tahan oma poega tagasi."
Kuzmiči eelmine raamat ja praegune on huvitaval kombel seotud, kuna eelmise raamat väljatulemise ajal, mil ta ka ringi tuuritas ja igalpool raamatuesitlusi tegi, tekkisidki Lukal tõsised vaimsed probleemid. Seega ühel hetkel oligi küsimus, et kas peaks jätma raamatuga seonduva pooleli ja keskenduma sajaprotsendiliselt lapsele - ning siin tulevad mängu mitmed kõrvaltegelased, näiteks abikaasa Philip, kes Lukale on küll kasuisa kuid kes suudab omadega puntras kasupojaga teinekord pareminigi sama keelt rääkida kui keegi teine maailmas.
Kui rääkida diagnoosist, siis algul on lapsevanematel mulje, et nende poeg on teismeline, kes ikka katsetab piire, tahab elada elu omal viisil. Kui aga Luka käitumine ületab igasugused piirid, kus ühel hetkel on lausa vaja politsei abi, et last kaitsta iseenda eest, et kaitsta vanemaid vägivaldse lapse eest, siis ühel hetkel diagnoositakse Lukal (kliiniline) depressioon (kuna ma pole tõlk, siis pole kindel, kuidas on "clinical depression" eesti keeles), hiljem ka ärevushäire ja ATH. Meditsiini vaatenurgast on mängus erinevad nõustajad, psühhiaater, psühholoogid. Raamat räägib aga sellest, kuidas paistab kogu olukord pere poolt vaadates, kuidas selle kõigega just ema, Kristina Kuzmič, hakkama saab. Ülesehitus ongi läbi valede, mida ma iseendale räägime, neist peamine on - me suudame teisi inimesi korda teha. Noh... ega ei suuda ju küll. Abikäe saame ulatada - aga jama seest välja ronib ikka inimene ise.
Raamatus on mitmeid huvitavaid tähelepanekuid, suures osas läbi terapeutide suu, kellega Luka ja Kristina kokku puutuvad. Näiteks kui mingi hetk Kristina mainib, et tollal juba suitsiidselt lapselt sai karistuse eesmärgil telefon ära võetud, siis teeb selle peale psühholoog suured silmad ja sõnab (edasine pole täpne tsitaat vaid mälu järgi kirjutatud): "Mis te arvate, kas enesetapja enne tegu räägib kõrvaltoas olevate vanematega? Ei, ta võtab telefoni ja helistab oma sõbrale. Või mulle. Teate, kui palju kõnesid olen saanud enne enesetappu, mitu enesetappu ma olen ära hoidnud kuna mulle tuli telefonikõne hädas hingelt?"
Kui vaadata kogu seda maailma armastava lapsevanema vaatenurgast, kes näeb, kuidas tema ihu vili hädas on, antud juhul siis vaimse tõve käes vaevleb (ning ega olukord on ju universaalne, kõigil lapsevanematel on oma lastega erinevatel ajahetkedel probleemikohti) - üks suurimaid tõdesid siin maailmas on: teinekord asjad lihtsalt juhtuvad. Ka Luna vaimuhaiguse põhjust ei saadagi teada (kuigi ma olen üsna kindel, et lihtsa tõe pakkujad teavad kindlalt, milline vaktsiin või peavoolukooli programm selle tekitas). Ka ei saa me teisi inimesi ära lappida, korda teha, ära parandada. Küll aga saame me olla olemas, võtta stoilise rahuga vastu kõik rusikahoobid lapselt, teinekord hoida teda eemal lõplikke otsuseid tegemast. Rääkida hädalisega - ning rääkimine tähendab siin suuremas osas aktiivset kuulamist. Rääkimine tähendab valmisolekut, avatust, mõistvust, olla olemas ja kohal, peegeldada. Taha kalli ja pai - ning kui teine inimene ISE küsib, et mida sa asjast arvad, siis on õige hetk oma nokk lahti teha.
Samuti ei tohi ära unustada Maailma Kõige Olulisemat Inimest. Ei see pole su laps, ema või abikaasa. See oled sina ise, kõigepealt paned lennukiõnnetuses iseendale hapnikumaski pähe, siis lapsele, siis lähed teisi päästma. Kui Kristina Kuzmič sai Luka haiguse ajal 40-aastaseks, kas ta jättis oma juubeli tähistamise ära? Ei! Ta pidas sünnipäeva ära - ning kui hiljem Luka käest küsis, et kas oleks pidanud tegelikult ära jätma, siis Luna vastus oli ka kindel "ei". "Ema, kui sa oleks oma sünnipäeva siis ära jätnud, kui mina hullumajas olin, siis oleks ma end veel sitemini tundnud, kuna minu tõttu jätsid sa ära väga olulise ürituse oma elus." Taaskord mälu järgi kirja pandud, mitte täpne tsitaat. Aga jah - oleme ise terved, siis suduame ka teistele toeks olla.
Raamatu lõpus on peatükk Luka enda poolt, kus siis näeme, kuidas maailm paistis tema vaatenurgast. See on taaskord kuldaväärt sisekaemus - ning mida ta ise välja toob on: hobid. Kui maailm on tumemust ja tahab kokku kukkuda, siis hobid aitavad meelt lahutada, viia mõtted mujale, panevad liikuma ja tegutsema. Luka kirjeldab ka, kuidas näeb välja see, mismoodi ja miks depressiivne inimene on päevi voodis - ning hobid aitavad liikvele saada.
Kokkuvõtvalt: minu arvates on see suurepärane raamat nii lapsevanematele kui nendele, kes puutuvad kokku hädas inimestega. Ehk siis jah - raamat kõigile. Ei ole siin suuri tõdesid ja häid retsepte - on kirjeldus, kuidas üks ema aitab poega keerulistel aegadel ning äkki on sellest abi ka teistel... noh näiteks lapsevanematel. Eriti nendel, kes vägisi ja jõuga teisi tahavad korda teha. Sest üllatus-üllatus, asjad ei ole nii lihtsad. Teinekord parim abi on abi puudumine, aktiivne valmisolek ja hobuse kannatus.
Goodreads 5/5 ("ma ei saa seda korda teha, no ei saa")
September 19, 2024
This was a gutting personal memoir that hit close to home. I appreciated the candid way the author shared her and her son's story, while also drawing lessons from commonly believed falsities. This is an extreme story, but the myths she discusses are easy traps for many parents I know who have struggling children, myself included.
Very readable, but also helpful!
Very readable, but also helpful!
August 17, 2025
Recomand această carte, din toată inima. Nu e o carte simplă, e o carte care doare, nu te menajează, dar ai nevoie să știi toate acestea, chiar dacă o citești printre lacrimi și uneori simți nevoia să iei o pauză.
Toți ne zicem cuvintele astea, nu?! "nu are cum să se întâmple copilului meu"....sau "dar copilul meu e o fire atât de deschisă și de veselă"....dar dacă ...?! Dar dacă se întâmplă și nici măcar nu știi când s-a petrecut schimbarea, pentru că linia de demarcație între comportamentul unui adolescent "rebel" și unul în depresie, e atât de fină, că la început le poți foarte ușor confunda.
Fiind mamă singură de prea mult timp, de când erau mici ai mei mi-a fost frică de momentul adolescenței, era "scheletele din dulap" pentru mine, panica și frica, de care vorbește Kristina în carte, erau prezente permanent și peste toate: vina - vina că am greșit cu alegerile din viața și i-am afectat, vina ca nu am fost suficient de bună pentru ei și o listă întreagă. Și mereu am pus răul dinainte, chiar m-am gândit și la ipoteza ca unul dintre copii să ajungă un adolescent aflat în dificultate și azi citind cartea, am simțit cu fiecare celulă tot scenariul ce îl vedeam odată, doar că mai rău, mult mai rău.
Cartea am citit-o dintr-o suflare, în câteva ore, dar e o carte de citit cu creionul în mână, are niște lecții absolut geniale, dureroase, dar cu sens. Și e o carte care trebuie să fie în biblioteca oricărui părinte. Chiar dacă dețin o bibliotecă și pot împrumuta această carte, de data aceasta vă recomand să o cumpărați, vă va fi utilă când se apropie anii de adolescență sau chiar mai înainte.
Bine zice autoarea că ne-am dori când devenim părinți să primim o hartă a parentingului sau la nașterea unui copil să i se atribuie un terapeut- mulți copii, multe familii și mulți oameni ar fi salva��i.
Cartea prezintă pe larg cazul copilul în dificultate, dar și impactul major al copilului "cuminte", care a învățat că acesta e rolul lui și ascunde în el toate durerile, până când nu va mai putea să le conțină. Câți dintre noi nu am fost astfel de copii, care nu am vrut să creăm un stres inutil familiei, care se confrunta cu alte probleme de la frații mai mari sau de orice fel?! Sau câți dintre noi nu avem un copil rebel și unul cuminte și mai puțin atenție îi acordăm celui care nu face probleme?!
Se spune că în majoritatea cazurilor "a rămâne calmă și a vorbi cu blândețe" este cea mai bună soluție în relația cu ceilalți și mai ales cu un adolescent (cu sau fără probleme), dar câți dintre noi părinții reușim asta, mai ales că avem și noi bagajul nostru de traume și vrem atât de mult să îi fie bine copilului și să se simtă în siguranță?!
Bine zice Kristina că: "mamele care reușesc să își țină gura tot timpul, cât adolescentul se deschide față de el merită un premiu Nobel pentru pace"- cu referire la faptul că noi ca părinți controlăm instinctiv atât de mult sau cel puțin încercăm, pentru că "noi le știm pe toate mai bine, nu?!" - și nu am învățat să ascultăm activ, fără să dăm sfaturi, exact ce are nevoie adolescentul - de a fi auziți. Oricând de bine crezi că îți cunoști copilul, nu știi defapt ce simte și ce gândește, de aceea am face bine să învățăm să îl ascultăm.
Este o carte deopotrivă pentru mame, dar și pentru femei, în spatele acestei experiențe de a fi mama a unui copil aflat în dificultate, stă femeia care trebuie să aibă grijă de ea, pentru a se putea conecta cu propriul copil și cartea te ajută să te regăsești.
Trei idei mi-au plăcut tare mult și am să le aplic și eu cât mai des:
- întreabă-ți copilul dacă are nevoie doar să fie ascultat sau are nevoie de sfaturi (pentru a evita să îi dăm sfaturi când el are nevoie doar să fie auzit)
- o întrebare cu sens: "Cum pot să te susțin azi?"
- fraza asta mi-a rămas întipărită în suflet și voi încerca să o folosesc cât mai des: "AJUTĂ-MĂ SĂ ÎNȚELEG CUM E SĂ FII TU!"
În ultimul capitol povestește adolescentul cum a fost pentru el toată experiența, ți se taie picioarele efectiv, dar înțelegi atât de multe din felul cum a trăit el și a privit lumea din jur.
Iar la final vă las un citat drag mie "...parentingul trebuie să fie timp petrecut învățând, crescând și evoluând alături de copii mei, cu grație, cu răbdare și cu blândețe nu numai față de ei, ci, la fel de important și față de mine."
Nu toți copii trec prin ce a trecut Luka, dar dacă...?!
Toți ne zicem cuvintele astea, nu?! "nu are cum să se întâmple copilului meu"....sau "dar copilul meu e o fire atât de deschisă și de veselă"....dar dacă ...?! Dar dacă se întâmplă și nici măcar nu știi când s-a petrecut schimbarea, pentru că linia de demarcație între comportamentul unui adolescent "rebel" și unul în depresie, e atât de fină, că la început le poți foarte ușor confunda.
Fiind mamă singură de prea mult timp, de când erau mici ai mei mi-a fost frică de momentul adolescenței, era "scheletele din dulap" pentru mine, panica și frica, de care vorbește Kristina în carte, erau prezente permanent și peste toate: vina - vina că am greșit cu alegerile din viața și i-am afectat, vina ca nu am fost suficient de bună pentru ei și o listă întreagă. Și mereu am pus răul dinainte, chiar m-am gândit și la ipoteza ca unul dintre copii să ajungă un adolescent aflat în dificultate și azi citind cartea, am simțit cu fiecare celulă tot scenariul ce îl vedeam odată, doar că mai rău, mult mai rău.
Cartea am citit-o dintr-o suflare, în câteva ore, dar e o carte de citit cu creionul în mână, are niște lecții absolut geniale, dureroase, dar cu sens. Și e o carte care trebuie să fie în biblioteca oricărui părinte. Chiar dacă dețin o bibliotecă și pot împrumuta această carte, de data aceasta vă recomand să o cumpărați, vă va fi utilă când se apropie anii de adolescență sau chiar mai înainte.
Bine zice autoarea că ne-am dori când devenim părinți să primim o hartă a parentingului sau la nașterea unui copil să i se atribuie un terapeut- mulți copii, multe familii și mulți oameni ar fi salva��i.
Cartea prezintă pe larg cazul copilul în dificultate, dar și impactul major al copilului "cuminte", care a învățat că acesta e rolul lui și ascunde în el toate durerile, până când nu va mai putea să le conțină. Câți dintre noi nu am fost astfel de copii, care nu am vrut să creăm un stres inutil familiei, care se confrunta cu alte probleme de la frații mai mari sau de orice fel?! Sau câți dintre noi nu avem un copil rebel și unul cuminte și mai puțin atenție îi acordăm celui care nu face probleme?!
Se spune că în majoritatea cazurilor "a rămâne calmă și a vorbi cu blândețe" este cea mai bună soluție în relația cu ceilalți și mai ales cu un adolescent (cu sau fără probleme), dar câți dintre noi părinții reușim asta, mai ales că avem și noi bagajul nostru de traume și vrem atât de mult să îi fie bine copilului și să se simtă în siguranță?!
Bine zice Kristina că: "mamele care reușesc să își țină gura tot timpul, cât adolescentul se deschide față de el merită un premiu Nobel pentru pace"- cu referire la faptul că noi ca părinți controlăm instinctiv atât de mult sau cel puțin încercăm, pentru că "noi le știm pe toate mai bine, nu?!" - și nu am învățat să ascultăm activ, fără să dăm sfaturi, exact ce are nevoie adolescentul - de a fi auziți. Oricând de bine crezi că îți cunoști copilul, nu știi defapt ce simte și ce gândește, de aceea am face bine să învățăm să îl ascultăm.
Este o carte deopotrivă pentru mame, dar și pentru femei, în spatele acestei experiențe de a fi mama a unui copil aflat în dificultate, stă femeia care trebuie să aibă grijă de ea, pentru a se putea conecta cu propriul copil și cartea te ajută să te regăsești.
Trei idei mi-au plăcut tare mult și am să le aplic și eu cât mai des:
- întreabă-ți copilul dacă are nevoie doar să fie ascultat sau are nevoie de sfaturi (pentru a evita să îi dăm sfaturi când el are nevoie doar să fie auzit)
- o întrebare cu sens: "Cum pot să te susțin azi?"
- fraza asta mi-a rămas întipărită în suflet și voi încerca să o folosesc cât mai des: "AJUTĂ-MĂ SĂ ÎNȚELEG CUM E SĂ FII TU!"
În ultimul capitol povestește adolescentul cum a fost pentru el toată experiența, ți se taie picioarele efectiv, dar înțelegi atât de multe din felul cum a trăit el și a privit lumea din jur.
Iar la final vă las un citat drag mie "...parentingul trebuie să fie timp petrecut învățând, crescând și evoluând alături de copii mei, cu grație, cu răbdare și cu blândețe nu numai față de ei, ci, la fel de important și față de mine."
Nu toți copii trec prin ce a trecut Luka, dar dacă...?!
November 5, 2025
I really enjoyed listening to this book. Although it’s written from a parent’s perspective, describing her challenges with a mentally struggling teenage son, it felt deeply relatable on a personal level. As she reflected on her child’s pain, I found myself revisiting my own, the confusion, the loneliness, and the quiet struggles of my younger self.
One line that really stayed with me was when the mother realizes she was asking her son to “get over his life and do his daily routine,” and then admits it was like “asking someone with a broken leg to run.” That moment beautifully captures the misunderstanding many people have about mental illness; how invisible pain can be, and how empathy requires patience.
Overall, it’s a heartfelt story that encourages you to reflect not only on parenting but also on your own emotional journey, how to understand others’ pain through your own, and yours through others.
One line that really stayed with me was when the mother realizes she was asking her son to “get over his life and do his daily routine,” and then admits it was like “asking someone with a broken leg to run.” That moment beautifully captures the misunderstanding many people have about mental illness; how invisible pain can be, and how empathy requires patience.
Overall, it’s a heartfelt story that encourages you to reflect not only on parenting but also on your own emotional journey, how to understand others’ pain through your own, and yours through others.
March 31, 2025
TW: suicidal ideation, substance abuse, verbal abuse, depression, anxiety
Are you parenting a child who has depression, ADHD, anxiety, or suicidal ideation? Are you just really struggling with parenting and can’t figure out what is going on with your moody teen? In her book, I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, Kristina Kuzmic tells the true story of her experiences trying to raise her teenage son who has depression, ADHD, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
It is hard for me to rate someone’s life experiences, and I usually don’t. However, I learned so much from this book and connected so much with it due to my child’s struggles. I also learned a lot from the book and hope to practice some of the skills at home. I highly recommend this book.
#KristinaKuzmic #ICanFixThisAndOtherLiesIToldMyselfWhileParentingMyStrugglingChild #Parenting #Nonfiction #Memoir #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #ADHD #Family #Teenagers #Drugs #Alcohol #Audiobook #March #2025
Are you parenting a child who has depression, ADHD, anxiety, or suicidal ideation? Are you just really struggling with parenting and can’t figure out what is going on with your moody teen? In her book, I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, Kristina Kuzmic tells the true story of her experiences trying to raise her teenage son who has depression, ADHD, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
It is hard for me to rate someone’s life experiences, and I usually don’t. However, I learned so much from this book and connected so much with it due to my child’s struggles. I also learned a lot from the book and hope to practice some of the skills at home. I highly recommend this book.
#KristinaKuzmic #ICanFixThisAndOtherLiesIToldMyselfWhileParentingMyStrugglingChild #Parenting #Nonfiction #Memoir #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #ADHD #Family #Teenagers #Drugs #Alcohol #Audiobook #March #2025
May 25, 2024
Amazing! Kristina has done it again with another heartfelt title. I only made it to chapter 2 before the tears came flowing— her storytelling was breathtaking, heartbreaking, and beautiful at the same time. I am so glad that Kristina and Luka share their true story with the vulnerability they did here. And I loved Luka’s conclusion and I’m so happy to hear he is in a better place and has hope. The book reads like a memoir but also has so many strategies we can use in our own parenting and work with others (I help educators in my work and we are using this for a book club this summer) I took tidbits that I will be able to use and apply in my own parenting and teaching, and for that I am grateful. Thank you for writing this, Kristina!
July 14, 2024
It's a rare book or movie that brings tears to my eyes, but this one did. Finally, I thought, here's someone who has faced the same struggles....who understands how awful it is to feel so powerless, when not so long ago you could fix everything for your kid.
Emily started struggling with depression and anxiety at 13 or 14. I didn't know what was wrong and thought I could somehow bully her back to the happy, compassionate and bright kid she had always been. And nothing worked. One of the worst nights of my life was leaving her in the hospital on a suicide watch. But we got a diagnosis. And medication. And still the road is hard. We've turned a corner and I'm now learning to let go, she's an adult and she's moving forward with her life.
Thank you for this book.
Emily started struggling with depression and anxiety at 13 or 14. I didn't know what was wrong and thought I could somehow bully her back to the happy, compassionate and bright kid she had always been. And nothing worked. One of the worst nights of my life was leaving her in the hospital on a suicide watch. But we got a diagnosis. And medication. And still the road is hard. We've turned a corner and I'm now learning to let go, she's an adult and she's moving forward with her life.
Thank you for this book.
September 26, 2024
I listened to this in one session of canning peaches. I couldn’t stop. It was so good and harrowingly hard. This isn’t a light and happy read. It’s real and raw and heartbreaking. I love that throughout this difficult story Kristina has shared hope and lessons learned. She doesn’t hold back and some parts of this story are difficult to listen to, but I have come away recommitted as a mother to do everything I can now to love my children well and to hold on to them during their teenage years, however that may look.
I have loved Kristina’s other book and her entertaining and down to earth videos, but I am so grateful that she shared this story with the world.
I have loved Kristina’s other book and her entertaining and down to earth videos, but I am so grateful that she shared this story with the world.
May 25, 2024
This book is really helpful to anyone whose child is going through a mental health crisis. I have friends who have experience with Alanon and often quote the three C’s- you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. Reading this book helps to remind us that we have so very little control and our greatest help is curiosity. We can never know how another person feels so we have to ask questions and really listen. And when it’s our struggling child, it can be really hard to listen without judgement or wanting to fix it.
October 24, 2024
This book is definitely heavy,
And that shouldn't scare you away (unless you aren't in a place where it would benefit you right now)
Kristina and Luka, thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share your story with the world. It touched me so much, gave me a better perspective on motherhood, and not assuming someone else's life is perfect just because they put out awesome content on the regular.
Seriously, I was in awe as I realized that some of my favorite videos were made during this really hard time for your family. The resilience to keep moving forward is inspiring. Thank you
And that shouldn't scare you away (unless you aren't in a place where it would benefit you right now)
Kristina and Luka, thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share your story with the world. It touched me so much, gave me a better perspective on motherhood, and not assuming someone else's life is perfect just because they put out awesome content on the regular.
Seriously, I was in awe as I realized that some of my favorite videos were made during this really hard time for your family. The resilience to keep moving forward is inspiring. Thank you
February 8, 2025
I don’t write reviews often but I was so moved by this book. As a mother of two teens it’s hard to navigate dealing with the big emotions that come during this time especially when you thought you had it all figured out. Everything Kristina wrote about how she would approach her situation resonated so deeply with me. I read this so quickly because it was just so good and relatable. I would recommend it to any parent or anyone who has someone with mental health issues in their life.
May 7, 2025
Candid insight
Kristina Kuxmic opens herself to share all the feelings we have when our child is suffering and has a mental illness. She shares the complexities, candid stories, and her son in way that reminds you, you aren't alone in this.
Kristina Kuxmic opens herself to share all the feelings we have when our child is suffering and has a mental illness. She shares the complexities, candid stories, and her son in way that reminds you, you aren't alone in this.
July 13, 2025
I read the Romanian Translation of this book and it was great. As a mother of a soon to be teenager, this book was an eye opener. It helped me understand how a substance dependent thinks and how healing can happen. Also, Kristina writes easy and funny and I really enjoyed reading this book.
August 20, 2024
Kuzmic’s writing style was so easy and enjoyable (despite the subject matter) to read. Anyone who struggles as a parent would find solace in her story.
❤️
❤️
August 22, 2024
Very tough read, but I was impressed with the honesty from both the author and her struggling son. I’m always looking for the lesson to learn from someone else’s experience. This was my takeaway from this book:
“In every interaction with my child, I can choose to either control or connect. But I can’t do both, because reaching for control always pulls me out of the range of connection.”
“In every interaction with my child, I can choose to either control or connect. But I can’t do both, because reaching for control always pulls me out of the range of connection.”
April 8, 2025
Really appreciated the honesty of this book and the insight it offered.
July 13, 2025
I sobbed my way through this one. Tears for their experiences; Tears for my own. Kristina and Luka, thank you for sharing your story. It’s a beautiful thing to not feel so alone.
July 9, 2024
a raw and vulnerable look into what it's like to have a teen and to be a teen with severe mental health issues.
a good reminder that as parents we have no control just connection.
a good reminder that as parents we have no control just connection.
August 25, 2024
Intense. Her openness was surprising at times and yet very genuine. I can’t imagine the heart break and stress she has had to go through with her family. I had to put the book down a few times in order to take a break and get the courage to keep going. I’m grateful she shared her story. This was my first book of hers, and I look forward to looking more into her work.
January 22, 2025
4.5 ⭐️ a needed read for any parent. I thought it had applicable ideas on how to parent a child that is struggling- no matter what the struggle is. It read very quickly. Heartbreaking at times, but do enjoyed the author’s genuine honesty in telling her and her son’s story.
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