What do you think?
Rate this book
The Quiet Damage: QAnon and the Destruction of the American Family
The riveting story of QAnon’s devastating impact on the American family, grappling with the seductive allure of disinformation, the trauma it causes, and how we might set ourselves free
The QAnon conspiracy theories—which posit that a nefarious cabal of elites is secretly ruling our society, poisoning our bodies, and harming our children—have come to represent the peculiar mania driven by social media disinformation campaigns and its dire consequences on our politics. But what’s often overlooked is the raw destructive power these theories have on the American family. In an age in which partisanship has created deep divides within the home—between parents and children, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives—the extreme belief structure of QAnon widens those divides into seemingly insurmountable chasms, leaving people lost, confused, and broken. With studies showing that nearly 19% of Americans believe in QAnon-related theories, the true toll of QAnon on our mental and social health is as vast as it is urgent to confront.
In The Quiet Damage, celebrated reporter Jesselyn Cook unfolds the heartbreaking stories of five representative families from couples young and old to rural white parents to urban Black siblings, to show how QAnon shattered bonds once believed unbreakable. Cook paints a portrait of American suffering, of the vulnerabilities that have left people susceptible to outrageous theories promising order and control in a world where both are increasingly in short supply.
Cook charts the arc of each believer’s path from their first intersection with QAnon to the depths of their cultish conviction in the theory’s promise to—in some fortunate cases—their rejection of conspiratorial thinking and the mending of broken bonds. Her reporting lays bare how we have been taken hostage by grifters who profit from a network built on false hope, and how we might eventually release our loved ones, and ourselves, from their grasp.
The QAnon conspiracy theories—which posit that a nefarious cabal of elites is secretly ruling our society, poisoning our bodies, and harming our children—have come to represent the peculiar mania driven by social media disinformation campaigns and its dire consequences on our politics. But what’s often overlooked is the raw destructive power these theories have on the American family. In an age in which partisanship has created deep divides within the home—between parents and children, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives—the extreme belief structure of QAnon widens those divides into seemingly insurmountable chasms, leaving people lost, confused, and broken. With studies showing that nearly 19% of Americans believe in QAnon-related theories, the true toll of QAnon on our mental and social health is as vast as it is urgent to confront.
In The Quiet Damage, celebrated reporter Jesselyn Cook unfolds the heartbreaking stories of five representative families from couples young and old to rural white parents to urban Black siblings, to show how QAnon shattered bonds once believed unbreakable. Cook paints a portrait of American suffering, of the vulnerabilities that have left people susceptible to outrageous theories promising order and control in a world where both are increasingly in short supply.
Cook charts the arc of each believer’s path from their first intersection with QAnon to the depths of their cultish conviction in the theory’s promise to—in some fortunate cases—their rejection of conspiratorial thinking and the mending of broken bonds. Her reporting lays bare how we have been taken hostage by grifters who profit from a network built on false hope, and how we might eventually release our loved ones, and ourselves, from their grasp.
263 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 23, 2024
492 people are currently reading
24874 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,197 reviews
August 3, 2024
4.5 stars
I really enjoyed reading this book despite its devastating contents. First, I found Jesselyn Cook an excellent nonfiction writer. We follow five different families in The Quiet Damage and Cook makes each of their stories memorable and distinct. I was on the edge of my seat and so curious about how each of their stories would unfold.
On the note of Cook’s writing, she does a superb job of both humanizing the people who fell/bought into QAnon conspiracy theories while also showing the harms they inflicted upon their loved ones. There’s so much showing instead of telling in this book and that made each of the family’s lived experiences immersive and compelling. Seeing how traumatic life events, loneliness, and disconnection from others fueled people’s buy into QAnon was an eye-opener to how just presenting facts isn’t a sufficient solution to these horrifying conspiracy theories. And, it was so heartbreaking reading about the loved ones who lost their relationships with the people who cared about who rabidly bought into QAnon.
In sum, I felt genuinely moved reading this book and applaud Cook for her skilled writing in making that happen. The blend of holding empathy for all parties involved while also wanting better for the grieving loved ones (and the marginalized people in society who suffer because of these vile extremist views) is a hard balance to strike, and Cook pulls it off with this book. Recommended!
I really enjoyed reading this book despite its devastating contents. First, I found Jesselyn Cook an excellent nonfiction writer. We follow five different families in The Quiet Damage and Cook makes each of their stories memorable and distinct. I was on the edge of my seat and so curious about how each of their stories would unfold.
On the note of Cook’s writing, she does a superb job of both humanizing the people who fell/bought into QAnon conspiracy theories while also showing the harms they inflicted upon their loved ones. There’s so much showing instead of telling in this book and that made each of the family’s lived experiences immersive and compelling. Seeing how traumatic life events, loneliness, and disconnection from others fueled people’s buy into QAnon was an eye-opener to how just presenting facts isn’t a sufficient solution to these horrifying conspiracy theories. And, it was so heartbreaking reading about the loved ones who lost their relationships with the people who cared about who rabidly bought into QAnon.
In sum, I felt genuinely moved reading this book and applaud Cook for her skilled writing in making that happen. The blend of holding empathy for all parties involved while also wanting better for the grieving loved ones (and the marginalized people in society who suffer because of these vile extremist views) is a hard balance to strike, and Cook pulls it off with this book. Recommended!
September 19, 2024
I took my sweet time getting through this book for a few reasons:
1. It was masterful journalism, and I wanted to savor it!
2. It was PISSING me off.
3. It was making me sad.
I mean all of those as compliments.
I've been going through this journey recently, so when I saw the pre-sale for this one, I HAD to have been in the first 100 pre-orders. I was anxious to get to it, but once I had it in front of me, I was nervous to really get into the weeds. It felt incredibly true to life.
For some reason I was anticipating a memoir, but when I realized that Jesselyn Cook was an investigative journalist really picking apart lots of demographics of people who find themselves here, I was even more excited. This book covers those who fell down the rabbit hole of Qanon and Alt-Right ideology as well as the loved ones left in their wake. Marriages, parents, sibling bonds-- Jesselyn was gracious in her considerations of every interviewee and made sure that even the people whom she disagreed got a chance to share the unique pain of being ostracized from family. I think it was actually incredibly helpful for my own relationship with conservative family. It gave me a dose of empathy and understanding for conservative families who have real feelings, fears, and pain that is extorted and manipulated by media and tech companies.
I enjoyed this thoroughly, and highly recommend for anyone going through something similar!
1. It was masterful journalism, and I wanted to savor it!
2. It was PISSING me off.
3. It was making me sad.
I mean all of those as compliments.
I've been going through this journey recently, so when I saw the pre-sale for this one, I HAD to have been in the first 100 pre-orders. I was anxious to get to it, but once I had it in front of me, I was nervous to really get into the weeds. It felt incredibly true to life.
For some reason I was anticipating a memoir, but when I realized that Jesselyn Cook was an investigative journalist really picking apart lots of demographics of people who find themselves here, I was even more excited. This book covers those who fell down the rabbit hole of Qanon and Alt-Right ideology as well as the loved ones left in their wake. Marriages, parents, sibling bonds-- Jesselyn was gracious in her considerations of every interviewee and made sure that even the people whom she disagreed got a chance to share the unique pain of being ostracized from family. I think it was actually incredibly helpful for my own relationship with conservative family. It gave me a dose of empathy and understanding for conservative families who have real feelings, fears, and pain that is extorted and manipulated by media and tech companies.
I enjoyed this thoroughly, and highly recommend for anyone going through something similar!
March 8, 2024
ARC for review. To be published July 23, 2024.
Studies show that 19% of Americans believe in QAnon related theories, which I’m fairly certain is the fifth sign of the apocalypse. This book covers the stories of five families, couples, rural white parents, urban Black sisters and more torn apart when a member of the family is caught in the web of QAnon and conspiracy thinking to the exclusion of common sense.
The author says she tries to give some personhood and dignity to the five individuals involved with QAnon, and God bless her for not wanting us to see them as the absolute lunatics they likely are. Because after reading the book it is difficult, let me tell you.
One of the five was the most interesting to me because unlike the others, Alice started out hating Donald Trump, she was a Bernie Sanders acolyte. The story of her involvement was interesting, she became a Trump lover too, and, for Alice, as she turns on a dime, it became clear that she is a person who just desperately needs to believe in something to save the world, regardless of what it is.
For another, a woman who is a truly terrible mom, she seemed to be an example of what, to me, so many of the January 6ers represented, success “generally hinged upon their status as dissenters rather than on the legitimacy of their dissent.” In fact, maybe this is true of most of those who continue to support Donald Trump, after everything; they are simply angry and he gives them permission to, no, encourages them to be angry…when maybe there’s really nothing, objectively, to be angry about.
The world of QAnon appeals to those who feel powerless, but the author notes that many white, college educated people have been sucked in too. To a cult that believes that a group of elite pedophiles keeps child underground so they can drain their blood and feed of their adrenochrome. Oh, and COVID isn’t real. I weep for this country
And keep in mind that the risk is not gone. Donald Trump, who has made favorable allusions to QAnon in the past as just been officially anointed as the Republican nominee for President of the United States. Democracy is still on the table. It seems like that for, at the very least, 19% of Americans, and actually for many more than that objective truth does not matter, it’s whatever craziness we choose to believe that is paramount. Looking at the insanity of QAnon through the eyes of five individuals/Trump lovers is the perfect way to show one of the ways in which the Republic has gone horribly wrong. Highly recommended.
Studies show that 19% of Americans believe in QAnon related theories, which I’m fairly certain is the fifth sign of the apocalypse. This book covers the stories of five families, couples, rural white parents, urban Black sisters and more torn apart when a member of the family is caught in the web of QAnon and conspiracy thinking to the exclusion of common sense.
The author says she tries to give some personhood and dignity to the five individuals involved with QAnon, and God bless her for not wanting us to see them as the absolute lunatics they likely are. Because after reading the book it is difficult, let me tell you.
One of the five was the most interesting to me because unlike the others, Alice started out hating Donald Trump, she was a Bernie Sanders acolyte. The story of her involvement was interesting, she became a Trump lover too, and, for Alice, as she turns on a dime, it became clear that she is a person who just desperately needs to believe in something to save the world, regardless of what it is.
For another, a woman who is a truly terrible mom, she seemed to be an example of what, to me, so many of the January 6ers represented, success “generally hinged upon their status as dissenters rather than on the legitimacy of their dissent.” In fact, maybe this is true of most of those who continue to support Donald Trump, after everything; they are simply angry and he gives them permission to, no, encourages them to be angry…when maybe there’s really nothing, objectively, to be angry about.
The world of QAnon appeals to those who feel powerless, but the author notes that many white, college educated people have been sucked in too. To a cult that believes that a group of elite pedophiles keeps child underground so they can drain their blood and feed of their adrenochrome. Oh, and COVID isn’t real. I weep for this country
And keep in mind that the risk is not gone. Donald Trump, who has made favorable allusions to QAnon in the past as just been officially anointed as the Republican nominee for President of the United States. Democracy is still on the table. It seems like that for, at the very least, 19% of Americans, and actually for many more than that objective truth does not matter, it’s whatever craziness we choose to believe that is paramount. Looking at the insanity of QAnon through the eyes of five individuals/Trump lovers is the perfect way to show one of the ways in which the Republic has gone horribly wrong. Highly recommended.
March 1, 2024
As someone who has followed QAnon since 2019 (and consumes an intense amount of investigative media about it), this might be the best book on this strange mash of politics, religion, conspiracy theory, and bigotry. Cook gives us the stories of five people who fell down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole, from a typical "conservative Republican" to a woman on a path to enlightenment who gets sucked in via health and wellness movements and fads. It's compelling reading, and deeply personal; these are the kinds of stories that cast a bright light on something that is, to most of us, utterly baffling.
Cook also doesn't shy away from the hard truths. Emily's story in particular resonated with me, as she is exactly the kind of person it's easy to give up on. Two of her daughters did, and her son nearly lost everything (including his life) trying to pull his mother out of the muck. It's shocking and sad and ultimately has no happy ending. There can't be one for someone like Emily, so entrenched in her own hatred and narrow-mindedness that she can't even stop to realize that her behavior made her isolated and made her children despise her.
It's a good lesson for those of us who know someone like an Emily, or someone who suffered from the pandemic in a vat of loneliness and self-pity. Not all of them can be saved and sometimes you have to back away to save yourself.
Cook also doesn't shy away from the hard truths. Emily's story in particular resonated with me, as she is exactly the kind of person it's easy to give up on. Two of her daughters did, and her son nearly lost everything (including his life) trying to pull his mother out of the muck. It's shocking and sad and ultimately has no happy ending. There can't be one for someone like Emily, so entrenched in her own hatred and narrow-mindedness that she can't even stop to realize that her behavior made her isolated and made her children despise her.
It's a good lesson for those of us who know someone like an Emily, or someone who suffered from the pandemic in a vat of loneliness and self-pity. Not all of them can be saved and sometimes you have to back away to save yourself.
January 5, 2025
Годината започва със силна книга!
За да разберете отношението ми към книгата на Jesselyn Cook, трябва първо да ви разкажа за баща ми. Не помня време (за 30 ми години на този свят), в което той да не е вярвал в малки зелени човечета, еврейския заговор, космически енергии, строежа на египетските пирамиди от летящи чинии и т.н. Обвинява и мобилния си оператор в целенасочена конспирация срещу него - ама няма да си признае, че просто няма търпението да вникне в условията на договора, който е подписал, или че като повечето мъже го е срам да отиде в институция и да поиска административна услуга*. Добре, че не приказва наляво и надясно, та поне за това не тормозеха в училище. А напоследък е станал полезен путинофилски идиот. Не ме разбирайте погрешно, той е нормално интелигентен човек, житейски разумен, обичлив баща, но щом заговори за поредната глупост, цъфнала из интернет, всичко отвътре ми се свива. А когато го обориш с проста логика, се спихва като зле изпечено суфле.
Аз обаче не съм единствената, страдаща от подобни роднини. В The Quiet Damage авторката е поместила историите на петима американци, влезли в досег с конспиративни теории и попаднали в дълбоката и силно разклонена заешка дупка на QAnon, и техните семейства, понасящи болката от загубата на обични хора, от тяхното отдалечаване и откъсване от здравия разум. Съпрузи, родители, деца, млади и стари, с университетски дипломи и без, състоятелни или в дългове, в Съединените щати или навсякъде другаде по света - никой не е застрахован от подхлъзване по наклонената и добре смазана плоскост на конспирациите. Единствената ни застраховка (или поне надежда) са критичното мислене и отвореността към различните гледни точки.
* Нещо, което научих от първа ръка за краткото си време в общинската администрация.
За да разберете отношението ми към книгата на Jesselyn Cook, трябва първо да ви разкажа за баща ми. Не помня време (за 30 ми години на този свят), в което той да не е вярвал в малки зелени човечета, еврейския заговор, космически енергии, строежа на египетските пирамиди от летящи чинии и т.н. Обвинява и мобилния си оператор в целенасочена конспирация срещу него - ама няма да си признае, че просто няма търпението да вникне в условията на договора, който е подписал, или че като повечето мъже го е срам да отиде в институция и да поиска административна услуга*. Добре, че не приказва наляво и надясно, та поне за това не тормозеха в училище. А напоследък е станал полезен путинофилски идиот. Не ме разбирайте погрешно, той е нормално интелигентен човек, житейски разумен, обичлив баща, но щом заговори за поредната глупост, цъфнала из интернет, всичко отвътре ми се свива. А когато го обориш с проста логика, се спихва като зле изпечено суфле.
Аз обаче не съм единствената, страдаща от подобни роднини. В The Quiet Damage авторката е поместила историите на петима американци, влезли в досег с конспиративни теории и попаднали в дълбоката и силно разклонена заешка дупка на QAnon, и техните семейства, понасящи болката от загубата на обични хора, от тяхното отдалечаване и откъсване от здравия разум. Съпрузи, родители, деца, млади и стари, с университетски дипломи и без, състоятелни или в дългове, в Съединените щати или навсякъде другаде по света - никой не е застрахован от подхлъзване по наклонената и добре смазана плоскост на конспирациите. Единствената ни застраховка (или поне надежда) са критичното мислене и отвореността към различните гледни точки.
* Нещо, което научих от първа ръка за краткото си време в общинската администрация.
August 24, 2024
In 2021, 15 percent of Americans agreed that the government, media, and financial institutions were controlled by Satan worshipping pedophiles. By 2023 that number was 25 percent. QAnon like lots of cults starts out for many as a journey to self actualization through collective action. People by nature want to feel a part of something. Wouldn't you want to save kids from being sex trafficked through a D.C. pizza parlor?
QAnon is a Right wing cult that believes such totally normal things like:
-Princess Diana is still alive.
-John F Kennedy Jr is still alive and he's going to be Trump's Vice President.
- The online retailer Wayfair is selling furniture with missing children locked inside.
QAnon exploded into popularity around 2016 and the Trump presidency made it mainstream. QAnon like lots of cults ruins lives and rips families apart. In The Quiet Damage we explore the lives of 5 families QAnon left devastated. I personally looked into QAnon a few years ago because I was worried about my sister falling into it. My sister is sweet but prone to conspiracy theories. She believes in Ancient Aliens, the illuminati and she once heard movement in her basement and she thought it was a ghost so she lit sage....it was actually a burglar...she was fine but still you understand what I'm dealing with. I wanted to make sure I could combat anything she learned from weirdo YouTube videos. Luckily she didn't take to QANON, she found it too dark and mean spirited. I still worry daily about my sister falling for misinformation and this book really stressed me out.
The Quiet Damage is a quick but heartbreaking read. Many of these people have to watch the loved one they once knew completely disappear into this dark cult. The people behind QAnon are evil. They know that none of these things they are saying are true but they continue to spread this garbage because there is lots of money to be made.
I highly recommend this book!
QAnon is a Right wing cult that believes such totally normal things like:
-Princess Diana is still alive.
-John F Kennedy Jr is still alive and he's going to be Trump's Vice President.
- The online retailer Wayfair is selling furniture with missing children locked inside.
QAnon exploded into popularity around 2016 and the Trump presidency made it mainstream. QAnon like lots of cults ruins lives and rips families apart. In The Quiet Damage we explore the lives of 5 families QAnon left devastated. I personally looked into QAnon a few years ago because I was worried about my sister falling into it. My sister is sweet but prone to conspiracy theories. She believes in Ancient Aliens, the illuminati and she once heard movement in her basement and she thought it was a ghost so she lit sage....it was actually a burglar...she was fine but still you understand what I'm dealing with. I wanted to make sure I could combat anything she learned from weirdo YouTube videos. Luckily she didn't take to QANON, she found it too dark and mean spirited. I still worry daily about my sister falling for misinformation and this book really stressed me out.
The Quiet Damage is a quick but heartbreaking read. Many of these people have to watch the loved one they once knew completely disappear into this dark cult. The people behind QAnon are evil. They know that none of these things they are saying are true but they continue to spread this garbage because there is lots of money to be made.
I highly recommend this book!
September 9, 2025
This is probably a must-read. Good thing it's so incredibly well done.
April 18, 2024
I would call this compassionate journalism. The author tells the stories of families who have been negatively impacted--to put it mildly--by one or more members' descent into the world of QAnon conspiracy theory. People who are vulnerable to disinformation for one reason or another and are looking for validation and belonging go deep into online communities and increasingly alienate their families. I found this book compelling and heartbreaking.
September 25, 2024
The only problem with this book is it was written a few years too late. I’m still so scary to read stories of people falling for this stuff and how much it destroys lives.
We’re not going back, man.
We’re not going back, man.
August 3, 2024
Well, it feels like I’ve read a lot of really depressing nonfiction lately, and I guess, why stop now?! This book seems like a timely, important, and needed documentation of a tragic sociocultural phenomenon affecting families these days, but it’s nonetheless very depressing. In fact, it’s so depressing that I keep losing steam and essentially deflating with hopelessness while trying to review it.
I can only evaluate this book from the perspective of someone who has also experienced fragmented and even irrevocably broken family relationships as a result of the same forces and dynamics described in the book. In my experience, which is mirrored in some of the families profiled in the book, QAnon functions like a cult in many ways, but especially in that those immersed or indoctrinated in it may come to reject their family members and other loved ones/associates who are not willing to believe the exact same things (similar, say, to Scientology). It’s not enough, even if you can stomach it, to try to coexist peacefully with them and hold space for differing perspectives; they demand that you think and talk exactly the same way or else the relationship must be severed and the noncompliant family member disowned. (Hence, the “SHED MY DNA” episode in the book.) The cultish belief system, groupthink, and membership in the secret society comes to dominate one’s life and outweigh in importance almost everything else, and certainly all other relationships, connections, roles, and identities.
The author does a good and quite compassionate job describing the kinds of social, emotional, psychological, economic, and other needs, fears, and vulnerabilities that can draw someone into a cult like QAnon and lead to obsession. Too often people focus on the “how can they believe something so crazy” aspect when in reality, it’s not so much about the actual beliefs or trying to reason with them; it’s about the perceived rewards of joining the group and what the person is getting out of embracing whatever the beliefs happen to be.
I had some quibbles with the book here and there. I agree with the criticisms that it can feel repetitive, the organization can be choppy, the sources could be clearer, and the writing can be a bit cliche and “local news human interest story,” as one reviewer identified. It was also, as mentioned, a pretty traumatic read with lots of revisiting of dismal personal and family memories. However, miserable flashbacks aside, the book was validating and helpful overall in the healing process. Cultivating understanding is a first step to recovery. And, I value that the author was able to identify this neglected topic and to research, report, and represent it with such justice while navigating what I imagine were mostly murky, uncharted, unspoken, family-closet-skeleton-ridden, shame-filled waters.
What I still don’t understand is how this book would land with those who have not experienced this sort of thing personally, or why it would appeal to them. We already have examples aplenty of how hostile divisiveness is ruining our families, communities, and perhaps our nation, so the problems discussed in this book would seem like a real downer to those who have been spared going through them firsthand. But, I appreciate those who wish to better understand, and I certainly empathize and commiserate with those to whom the stories in this book are all too familiar.
I can only evaluate this book from the perspective of someone who has also experienced fragmented and even irrevocably broken family relationships as a result of the same forces and dynamics described in the book. In my experience, which is mirrored in some of the families profiled in the book, QAnon functions like a cult in many ways, but especially in that those immersed or indoctrinated in it may come to reject their family members and other loved ones/associates who are not willing to believe the exact same things (similar, say, to Scientology). It’s not enough, even if you can stomach it, to try to coexist peacefully with them and hold space for differing perspectives; they demand that you think and talk exactly the same way or else the relationship must be severed and the noncompliant family member disowned. (Hence, the “SHED MY DNA” episode in the book.) The cultish belief system, groupthink, and membership in the secret society comes to dominate one’s life and outweigh in importance almost everything else, and certainly all other relationships, connections, roles, and identities.
The author does a good and quite compassionate job describing the kinds of social, emotional, psychological, economic, and other needs, fears, and vulnerabilities that can draw someone into a cult like QAnon and lead to obsession. Too often people focus on the “how can they believe something so crazy” aspect when in reality, it’s not so much about the actual beliefs or trying to reason with them; it’s about the perceived rewards of joining the group and what the person is getting out of embracing whatever the beliefs happen to be.
I had some quibbles with the book here and there. I agree with the criticisms that it can feel repetitive, the organization can be choppy, the sources could be clearer, and the writing can be a bit cliche and “local news human interest story,” as one reviewer identified. It was also, as mentioned, a pretty traumatic read with lots of revisiting of dismal personal and family memories. However, miserable flashbacks aside, the book was validating and helpful overall in the healing process. Cultivating understanding is a first step to recovery. And, I value that the author was able to identify this neglected topic and to research, report, and represent it with such justice while navigating what I imagine were mostly murky, uncharted, unspoken, family-closet-skeleton-ridden, shame-filled waters.
What I still don’t understand is how this book would land with those who have not experienced this sort of thing personally, or why it would appeal to them. We already have examples aplenty of how hostile divisiveness is ruining our families, communities, and perhaps our nation, so the problems discussed in this book would seem like a real downer to those who have been spared going through them firsthand. But, I appreciate those who wish to better understand, and I certainly empathize and commiserate with those to whom the stories in this book are all too familiar.
September 15, 2024
This is a very interesting and human look at Qanon. I liked it a lot because of the stories, though I think it went on long and was a bit tidy.
August 9, 2024
I wanted to like this more. Great book actually, just wanted more out of it. Well written and engaging throughout. It weaved together stories that were all too familiar and was cathartic to revisit them through this book.
My parents were into Q since day one, and long time conspiracy believers before that. Working class, anti-establishment, Christian conservative types from rural Ohio. They listen to Patriots Soapbox on the computer with Fox News on the TV. I know what it’s like to have every conversation get steered toward the scary evils of the world and what “they” are up to now. They have grown increasing cloistered and isolated as they age, an experience shared by most of the stories in this book.
I had something like a Q phase. Here’s how it started:
I was a husband and a creative entrepreneur that never stopped hustling. As I spent most of my waking hours focusing on my career, my wife at the time would fall into depression and start seeking out affairs. I was shaken to the core and betrayed, as my entire reality was totally turned on its head. I believe this was part of the catalyst that inspired a quest towards truth. I asked for a divorce and eventually quit my job and to do some soul searching.
The desire to seek the truth became a huge priority for me. Suddenly I was curious about all things paranormal and fringe. Stuff I used to make fun of, but now had a taste for after discovering meditation and eastern spiritual philosophies. I felt disillusioned with the material world as no amount of success or achievement satisfied some inner longing for the transcendent.
During my first year of meditation, I would begin to have spontaneous out of body experiences and learned how to astral project and lucid dream. This dramatically altered my perception of reality, having direct experience with different states of consciousness beyond the body. I had mystical and nondual experiences that proved to me without a doubt that life is more than just the five senses.
Naturally this would give me an appetite to learn more about mysticism and got into new age teachings online. Law of attraction, shamanism, star seeds, chakras, crystals, you name it. I was like wow there’s truth to this stuff. I used to think it was all bunk, hocus pocus magical thinking. So my mind was open to drinking the kool-aid, and it tasted good!
Inevitably I’d find myself interested in conspiracy content. Taking the red pill, baby. The stated intention behind all conspiracy content is truth seeking. I used to make fun of this stuff and hate it when people would talk about it. But now I was kinda into it. If new age spirituality was all about love, light, and oneness, the conspiracy world was all about darkness and evil. I wanted to understand the nature of evil and the dark occult. I wanted to peer into the abyss and see reality, even if it was morbid. I knew pedophiles and human trafficking existed, but I had a morbid curiosity to understand why and how.
Around 2015, I was watching feminist documentaries on rape culture and it reinforced my mostly liberal worldview. I had grown up to be basically a male feminist and “nice guy” and worked in the creative arts and even attempted to become a professional cuddler. Something my dad would cringe over, but I was all about love and healing and empathy. But I had a brush with early cancel culture that left me with PTSD, but sparked my political awakening and adventure into the Alt-Right.
Feminism and social justice were big in the arts and music scene I was into at the time. I got involved in local shows and the DIY community and realized I was not as militant as some of the others. Lots of hardcore activist types that were much more passionate about leftist politics than I was. Heck I didn't realize what we were doing was politics at all. Things were fine until I started to get flak for being a "straight white male" and being scolded about my privilege. I realized that my mere existence was considered bad or a threat, which caused a lot of cognitive dissonance as a guy who felt aligned with these loving ideas of community and getting along.
I grew disillusioned with the punk scene. Some people I respected for their activism and righteousness set their targets on me specifically. They made it seem like I wasn’t doing enough, or performing the right politics online. I was hurt by this and wasn’t mature enough to understand it wasn’t personal or really about me specifically. But their aggressiveness made me defensive. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to have a point of view and I couldn’t be myself, so I distanced myself from the group.
Eventually, after getting into spirituality and conspiracy content as part of my greater mystical journey toward truth, I started sharing some of it on my social media feeds. I got some pushback from some of my former leftist peers who said I was headed down the wrong path. That they needed my intelligence and influence on the “right side of history.” They snickered about me in vague subtweets. I felt like they were making fun of me. I tried to engage sincerely with them, but they just dismissed what I was into as “peddling conspiracy theories.” I wasn’t peddling anything, just sharing what I was curious about.
It is true that their ridicule and dismissal made me want to hide and go deeper into it. I wasn’t doing it for clout or to change the world. I was exploring my own shadow and the shadow of the world. Exploring what was taboo to look at or think about in my leftist circles. I wasn't fully aware of what I was getting myself into or how some of this content has connections to Christian nationalism or Fascist propaganda. But I definitely realized it later on my path.
In 2016, I found myself drawn to anti feminist content. You know, “SJW gets owned by facts and logic” kinda stuff. Stuff that was standing up for men, where up until this point, I was raised on largely anti-male sentiment. One of my favorite bands at the time wrote songs about toxic masculinity and male entitlement. The singer of this band literally told me I was part of the problem without knowing anything about me. I would later find out he was known for being a “scene cop” and burning bridges with other band members. He was the type to always bring conversations back to his pet issues and make everything political. It's the same sort of behavior that is off putting about radical activists. The pressure they put on other people. The sense of entitlement to be aggressive because they personally feel victimized. Their belief they are "punching up" and violence is okay because it feels like self defense. They alienate their actual friends and push people away. The same goes for the radicalized right wing militia types. But their attack on me just for being white and male is what made alt-right content more appealing to me. Finally someone was standing up to leftist bullies.
A light bulb went off that I was inaverdantly in a political war between the left and right. A war that was going on long before I came around. I was naive. I just thought I was a nice kid in the punk scene with an idealistic open heart. I didn't know about Fascism or Marxism or Communism or whatever ism du jour. I started reading and watching everything I could to understand it.
Even though I was into alt-right content for a bit, I knew there was a culty toxic element to it all. But I thought it was kinda cool and fun and edgy. I was into Trump for a short while and was into the “great awakening” and Pizzagate revelations. But I also saw how all this shit just funneled attention and money towards hypocritical and questionable right wing influencers. I wasn’t interested in being a right wing conservative. I was more interested in the deeper quest for truth. I wanted to understand what motivated both sides.
In 2017, or whatever year Q started posting, I was already mostly over it. I was outgrowing right wing and conspiracy content. I was disappointed how all truth and conspiracy content became hijacked by the Trump campaign and eventually morphed into Qanon. I didn’t like how it was dividing society. I hated being online all the time or trying to keep up with it. For me, truth wasn’t to be found in Q drops or on Rumble or Bitchute, but within. It was always from within.
But the drama of the left and right still captivated me. What is the deeper truth and what do these folks really want? Justice, fairness, equality, science. Freedom, faith, sovereignty, independence. You have the duality of masculine and feminine energies and they can be quite easily mapped onto the Left/Right polarities. "Don’t be a pussy" – Rightists, or "Don’t be an asshole" – Leftists.
I always saw myself not just a centrist, but an embodiment of both. I’m both a leftist and a rightist. I’m a human who has attractions to either side, largely driven by unconscious bias, early childhood traumas, or emotional wounding. Both sides have outspoken activists that stand for something really important. But they play into your emotional wounding and use that to offer solutions and rise to power. There’s always an enemy and it definitely can be soothing to listen to someone rant for hours on a live stream about the exact problem you face that you think nobody else is speaking about.
It's bittersweet, but when I was at my peak of interest in right wing politics, that’s when I felt the closest to my parents.
Suddenly we could talk about “what’s going on in the world” on the same page. I knew the references. I saw the memes. We finally could talk about stuff without me dismissing them out of hand. I really enjoyed this time with my folks sitting out on the porch, talking about the latest false flags, psyops, or whatever “happenings” that were oh so urgent. My parents talked about the Bible and I tried to relate it to my own spiritual experiences.
I eventually climbed out of the rabbit hole. Well, more like I went through to the other side. It wasn’t because anyone saved me or that I finally saw the liberal light, but because I wasn’t a fan of the narcissistic personality types and cult like dynamics happening. I saw hypocrisy and toxicity in the right wing echo chambers. I saw the same kind of bullying activist behavior I did in the left. I saw how they made a mockery of truth seeking. I mean, Trump started "Truth Social" - come on. What a joke.
But as I got out, my parents stayed. Conversations would always find a way to Trump or Q, and I’d have to tactfully (not always) get myself out of the convo. Usually by not engaging. I tried speaking up many times but it just made them feel upset or sorry. We tried to focus on just playing games and not politics.
I moved onto to other areas of interest such as trauma healing, and recovery from narcisstic abuse, OCD and CPTSD. This has healthy for me. I do think having hobbies and a connection to others in the real world has been important. I still have moments of doubt or disillusionment, but I am comfortable leanining into the uncertainty and not knowing.
I miss the times I felt connected to my parents. I grieve how I have felt like I have “lost” them to conspiracy theories. It all funnels back to their version of Christianity and Jesus for them though, which is how they were raised. They are both victims of abuse and neglect by strict “fire and brimstone” Christian families. It’s not been an easy life, and they feel largely forgotten in this world that seems to shit on what they find the most sacred. I hope they know I love them and they find healing.
As for this book, I was disappointed that it really only came from one perspective. It tried to have empathy for all parties, but it was always quick to dismiss the content of conspiracy belief as bunk or complete lies or falsehoods. No, there IS a dark underbelly of reality and a spiritual, transcendent element to our existence.
I wish the author would have had the courage to go there. It’s not easy to reckon with. It wasn’t really an exploration of truth – not just facts or evidence, but spiritual and emotional truth behind the content we share online. We all know that someone can share misinformation or skewed facts or even totally made up lies, but there is still an emotional truth the content is getting at. It’s picking at a wound. It’s pointing to a deeper meaning. We get easily swept up and distracted by the content, and we really just need to listen to the honest and vulnerable truth that the content is speaking for. The book did get that right though. That listening and acceptance is a lot more effective than trying to argue the facts or debunking.
Both left and right wing ideas have grains of truth in them. I feel like the author could have explored this but she stayed in one lane, discussing the damage one faces when their loved one “falls down the rabbit hole.” It’s going to resonate for a particular audience, a more liberal materialist perspective who has a solid footing in consensus reality. That's okay. This book will speak more for them.
There was no mention of how “mainstream media” is also guilty of propaganda and misinformation, or how people are at each others throats in a never ending culture war exploiting our basest instincts. Having said that, it did a fine job of telling the stories and I enjoyed listening to the audiobook. It was a compelling read and allowed me to reflect on my own experience and inspired this post.
Thanks for reading.
My parents were into Q since day one, and long time conspiracy believers before that. Working class, anti-establishment, Christian conservative types from rural Ohio. They listen to Patriots Soapbox on the computer with Fox News on the TV. I know what it’s like to have every conversation get steered toward the scary evils of the world and what “they” are up to now. They have grown increasing cloistered and isolated as they age, an experience shared by most of the stories in this book.
I had something like a Q phase. Here’s how it started:
I was a husband and a creative entrepreneur that never stopped hustling. As I spent most of my waking hours focusing on my career, my wife at the time would fall into depression and start seeking out affairs. I was shaken to the core and betrayed, as my entire reality was totally turned on its head. I believe this was part of the catalyst that inspired a quest towards truth. I asked for a divorce and eventually quit my job and to do some soul searching.
The desire to seek the truth became a huge priority for me. Suddenly I was curious about all things paranormal and fringe. Stuff I used to make fun of, but now had a taste for after discovering meditation and eastern spiritual philosophies. I felt disillusioned with the material world as no amount of success or achievement satisfied some inner longing for the transcendent.
During my first year of meditation, I would begin to have spontaneous out of body experiences and learned how to astral project and lucid dream. This dramatically altered my perception of reality, having direct experience with different states of consciousness beyond the body. I had mystical and nondual experiences that proved to me without a doubt that life is more than just the five senses.
Naturally this would give me an appetite to learn more about mysticism and got into new age teachings online. Law of attraction, shamanism, star seeds, chakras, crystals, you name it. I was like wow there’s truth to this stuff. I used to think it was all bunk, hocus pocus magical thinking. So my mind was open to drinking the kool-aid, and it tasted good!
Inevitably I’d find myself interested in conspiracy content. Taking the red pill, baby. The stated intention behind all conspiracy content is truth seeking. I used to make fun of this stuff and hate it when people would talk about it. But now I was kinda into it. If new age spirituality was all about love, light, and oneness, the conspiracy world was all about darkness and evil. I wanted to understand the nature of evil and the dark occult. I wanted to peer into the abyss and see reality, even if it was morbid. I knew pedophiles and human trafficking existed, but I had a morbid curiosity to understand why and how.
Around 2015, I was watching feminist documentaries on rape culture and it reinforced my mostly liberal worldview. I had grown up to be basically a male feminist and “nice guy” and worked in the creative arts and even attempted to become a professional cuddler. Something my dad would cringe over, but I was all about love and healing and empathy. But I had a brush with early cancel culture that left me with PTSD, but sparked my political awakening and adventure into the Alt-Right.
Feminism and social justice were big in the arts and music scene I was into at the time. I got involved in local shows and the DIY community and realized I was not as militant as some of the others. Lots of hardcore activist types that were much more passionate about leftist politics than I was. Heck I didn't realize what we were doing was politics at all. Things were fine until I started to get flak for being a "straight white male" and being scolded about my privilege. I realized that my mere existence was considered bad or a threat, which caused a lot of cognitive dissonance as a guy who felt aligned with these loving ideas of community and getting along.
I grew disillusioned with the punk scene. Some people I respected for their activism and righteousness set their targets on me specifically. They made it seem like I wasn’t doing enough, or performing the right politics online. I was hurt by this and wasn’t mature enough to understand it wasn’t personal or really about me specifically. But their aggressiveness made me defensive. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to have a point of view and I couldn’t be myself, so I distanced myself from the group.
Eventually, after getting into spirituality and conspiracy content as part of my greater mystical journey toward truth, I started sharing some of it on my social media feeds. I got some pushback from some of my former leftist peers who said I was headed down the wrong path. That they needed my intelligence and influence on the “right side of history.” They snickered about me in vague subtweets. I felt like they were making fun of me. I tried to engage sincerely with them, but they just dismissed what I was into as “peddling conspiracy theories.” I wasn’t peddling anything, just sharing what I was curious about.
It is true that their ridicule and dismissal made me want to hide and go deeper into it. I wasn’t doing it for clout or to change the world. I was exploring my own shadow and the shadow of the world. Exploring what was taboo to look at or think about in my leftist circles. I wasn't fully aware of what I was getting myself into or how some of this content has connections to Christian nationalism or Fascist propaganda. But I definitely realized it later on my path.
In 2016, I found myself drawn to anti feminist content. You know, “SJW gets owned by facts and logic” kinda stuff. Stuff that was standing up for men, where up until this point, I was raised on largely anti-male sentiment. One of my favorite bands at the time wrote songs about toxic masculinity and male entitlement. The singer of this band literally told me I was part of the problem without knowing anything about me. I would later find out he was known for being a “scene cop” and burning bridges with other band members. He was the type to always bring conversations back to his pet issues and make everything political. It's the same sort of behavior that is off putting about radical activists. The pressure they put on other people. The sense of entitlement to be aggressive because they personally feel victimized. Their belief they are "punching up" and violence is okay because it feels like self defense. They alienate their actual friends and push people away. The same goes for the radicalized right wing militia types. But their attack on me just for being white and male is what made alt-right content more appealing to me. Finally someone was standing up to leftist bullies.
A light bulb went off that I was inaverdantly in a political war between the left and right. A war that was going on long before I came around. I was naive. I just thought I was a nice kid in the punk scene with an idealistic open heart. I didn't know about Fascism or Marxism or Communism or whatever ism du jour. I started reading and watching everything I could to understand it.
Even though I was into alt-right content for a bit, I knew there was a culty toxic element to it all. But I thought it was kinda cool and fun and edgy. I was into Trump for a short while and was into the “great awakening” and Pizzagate revelations. But I also saw how all this shit just funneled attention and money towards hypocritical and questionable right wing influencers. I wasn’t interested in being a right wing conservative. I was more interested in the deeper quest for truth. I wanted to understand what motivated both sides.
In 2017, or whatever year Q started posting, I was already mostly over it. I was outgrowing right wing and conspiracy content. I was disappointed how all truth and conspiracy content became hijacked by the Trump campaign and eventually morphed into Qanon. I didn’t like how it was dividing society. I hated being online all the time or trying to keep up with it. For me, truth wasn’t to be found in Q drops or on Rumble or Bitchute, but within. It was always from within.
But the drama of the left and right still captivated me. What is the deeper truth and what do these folks really want? Justice, fairness, equality, science. Freedom, faith, sovereignty, independence. You have the duality of masculine and feminine energies and they can be quite easily mapped onto the Left/Right polarities. "Don’t be a pussy" – Rightists, or "Don’t be an asshole" – Leftists.
I always saw myself not just a centrist, but an embodiment of both. I’m both a leftist and a rightist. I’m a human who has attractions to either side, largely driven by unconscious bias, early childhood traumas, or emotional wounding. Both sides have outspoken activists that stand for something really important. But they play into your emotional wounding and use that to offer solutions and rise to power. There’s always an enemy and it definitely can be soothing to listen to someone rant for hours on a live stream about the exact problem you face that you think nobody else is speaking about.
It's bittersweet, but when I was at my peak of interest in right wing politics, that’s when I felt the closest to my parents.
Suddenly we could talk about “what’s going on in the world” on the same page. I knew the references. I saw the memes. We finally could talk about stuff without me dismissing them out of hand. I really enjoyed this time with my folks sitting out on the porch, talking about the latest false flags, psyops, or whatever “happenings” that were oh so urgent. My parents talked about the Bible and I tried to relate it to my own spiritual experiences.
I eventually climbed out of the rabbit hole. Well, more like I went through to the other side. It wasn’t because anyone saved me or that I finally saw the liberal light, but because I wasn’t a fan of the narcissistic personality types and cult like dynamics happening. I saw hypocrisy and toxicity in the right wing echo chambers. I saw the same kind of bullying activist behavior I did in the left. I saw how they made a mockery of truth seeking. I mean, Trump started "Truth Social" - come on. What a joke.
But as I got out, my parents stayed. Conversations would always find a way to Trump or Q, and I’d have to tactfully (not always) get myself out of the convo. Usually by not engaging. I tried speaking up many times but it just made them feel upset or sorry. We tried to focus on just playing games and not politics.
I moved onto to other areas of interest such as trauma healing, and recovery from narcisstic abuse, OCD and CPTSD. This has healthy for me. I do think having hobbies and a connection to others in the real world has been important. I still have moments of doubt or disillusionment, but I am comfortable leanining into the uncertainty and not knowing.
I miss the times I felt connected to my parents. I grieve how I have felt like I have “lost” them to conspiracy theories. It all funnels back to their version of Christianity and Jesus for them though, which is how they were raised. They are both victims of abuse and neglect by strict “fire and brimstone” Christian families. It’s not been an easy life, and they feel largely forgotten in this world that seems to shit on what they find the most sacred. I hope they know I love them and they find healing.
As for this book, I was disappointed that it really only came from one perspective. It tried to have empathy for all parties, but it was always quick to dismiss the content of conspiracy belief as bunk or complete lies or falsehoods. No, there IS a dark underbelly of reality and a spiritual, transcendent element to our existence.
I wish the author would have had the courage to go there. It’s not easy to reckon with. It wasn’t really an exploration of truth – not just facts or evidence, but spiritual and emotional truth behind the content we share online. We all know that someone can share misinformation or skewed facts or even totally made up lies, but there is still an emotional truth the content is getting at. It’s picking at a wound. It’s pointing to a deeper meaning. We get easily swept up and distracted by the content, and we really just need to listen to the honest and vulnerable truth that the content is speaking for. The book did get that right though. That listening and acceptance is a lot more effective than trying to argue the facts or debunking.
Both left and right wing ideas have grains of truth in them. I feel like the author could have explored this but she stayed in one lane, discussing the damage one faces when their loved one “falls down the rabbit hole.” It’s going to resonate for a particular audience, a more liberal materialist perspective who has a solid footing in consensus reality. That's okay. This book will speak more for them.
There was no mention of how “mainstream media” is also guilty of propaganda and misinformation, or how people are at each others throats in a never ending culture war exploiting our basest instincts. Having said that, it did a fine job of telling the stories and I enjoyed listening to the audiobook. It was a compelling read and allowed me to reflect on my own experience and inspired this post.
Thanks for reading.
April 29, 2025
4.25 ★
I loved to see this side of what happens when you lose someone to the far right and how sometimes they can make their way back. This type of grief is difficult to process or understand, and this author articulated it well.
Short Synopsis
This author shows five real families and their losing someone to QAnon, which is a far-right conspiracy theory and political movement. It is essentially a cult. The author shows the quiet damage QAnon does to families.
I loved to see this side of what happens when you lose someone to the far right and how sometimes they can make their way back. This type of grief is difficult to process or understand, and this author articulated it well.
Short Synopsis
This author shows five real families and their losing someone to QAnon, which is a far-right conspiracy theory and political movement. It is essentially a cult. The author shows the quiet damage QAnon does to families.
June 10, 2024
In "The Quiet Damage", journalist Jesse Cook takes a deeper look at the rise of QAnon in recent years and the extent of its repercussions on a handful of families across America. Each chapter focuses on a different story, and rotates across individuals and perspectives, highlighting the "before" and the quick and unexpected chaos that followed in the "after".
We're introduced to a number of families - starting with Emily, a single mother-turned-lawyer who's raised her three children by herself following the suicide of her husband. When all three of her children become successful adults and leave their childhood home, she struggles with the isolation and loneliness, turning to the internet to fill the gap. We spend time with Doris and Dale, who've been married for decades, but a misdiagnosis of cancer sends Doris down a spiral and she also gets pulled into the conspiracy theories that flood social media. Another couple, Andrea and Matt, also reach a breaking point after Matt work with a Christian radio station and video producer leads him to a QAnon video - and his actions also pull in his wife with him. Alice, who grew up a Democrat and was a former Bernie Sanders supporter, also fell prey to the influence, and her husband Christopher can only watch on as the person he loves completely morphs in front of his eyes. The final story centers on Kendra and her older sister Tayshia, growing up as black girls in Milwaukee and how one sibling's pull into QAnon irreparably scarred the other.
Cook treats each of these stories and families with incredible care and empathy; each person's backstory is lovingly captured, their personalities, passions, and accomplishments fleshed out. The individuals range in location, age, and race but there are a number of common themes and situations - a jarring emotional or physical shock; feelings of loneliness or abandonment; the isolation and fear caused by the COVID-19 pandemic - that highlight just how alluring the QAnon movement was to them. As someone who had only heard of the movement in passing or referenced at high-level in the news, hearing in detail some of the messaging or channels that the theories spread was informational, if not shocking. And the emotional, mental, and physical toll this had on the loved ones around these individuals was heart-wrenching and devastating; for some families, there was no resolution.
This is an eye-opening book that treats a group of people with much-needed compassion. Personally, I think it would have been better served keeping each story to one section, instead of chopping them up into multiple ones as it sometimes made it hard to keep up with each. I also would have appreciated some more scientific support - earlier studies that would have refuted some of the strategies employed, or additional literature to better support the statements - but can understand that this was more focused on the individuals and stories highlighted.
Thank you Crown Publishing for the advance copy of this novel!
We're introduced to a number of families - starting with Emily, a single mother-turned-lawyer who's raised her three children by herself following the suicide of her husband. When all three of her children become successful adults and leave their childhood home, she struggles with the isolation and loneliness, turning to the internet to fill the gap. We spend time with Doris and Dale, who've been married for decades, but a misdiagnosis of cancer sends Doris down a spiral and she also gets pulled into the conspiracy theories that flood social media. Another couple, Andrea and Matt, also reach a breaking point after Matt work with a Christian radio station and video producer leads him to a QAnon video - and his actions also pull in his wife with him. Alice, who grew up a Democrat and was a former Bernie Sanders supporter, also fell prey to the influence, and her husband Christopher can only watch on as the person he loves completely morphs in front of his eyes. The final story centers on Kendra and her older sister Tayshia, growing up as black girls in Milwaukee and how one sibling's pull into QAnon irreparably scarred the other.
Cook treats each of these stories and families with incredible care and empathy; each person's backstory is lovingly captured, their personalities, passions, and accomplishments fleshed out. The individuals range in location, age, and race but there are a number of common themes and situations - a jarring emotional or physical shock; feelings of loneliness or abandonment; the isolation and fear caused by the COVID-19 pandemic - that highlight just how alluring the QAnon movement was to them. As someone who had only heard of the movement in passing or referenced at high-level in the news, hearing in detail some of the messaging or channels that the theories spread was informational, if not shocking. And the emotional, mental, and physical toll this had on the loved ones around these individuals was heart-wrenching and devastating; for some families, there was no resolution.
This is an eye-opening book that treats a group of people with much-needed compassion. Personally, I think it would have been better served keeping each story to one section, instead of chopping them up into multiple ones as it sometimes made it hard to keep up with each. I also would have appreciated some more scientific support - earlier studies that would have refuted some of the strategies employed, or additional literature to better support the statements - but can understand that this was more focused on the individuals and stories highlighted.
Thank you Crown Publishing for the advance copy of this novel!
January 26, 2025
I didn't think I would enjoy my time reading this book, nor did I think I'd give it 5 stars, but here we are. This is an excellent journalistic approach to what I consider to be an ongoing pandemic due to the rampant spread of misinformation. I wanted the details from this book, so I decided to read it, but I was very anxious about it. I thought it would be too heavy, and make me feel hopeless. However, the way that Cook put it together was flawless, in my opinion. She's a great storyteller, and she uses five different families as the backbone of this work. Each family has one or more member becoming fanatical about QAnon, and for some of them, she is able to show them rehabilitating, as well. This is why the subject isn't *too* heavy. There is usable advice in here for how to talk to a loved one who has gotten sucked into any cult, and try to pull them out of it. There is also crucial information for how this happens and why it has been happening so much in current history. All of this is told with a humanistic approach, and I was totally riveted the entire time. If Jesselyn Cook ever writes fiction, I'll be the first person to buy a book by her. She's a masterful journalist AND storyteller, so she was the perfect person to tell this particular story. If you like this book and haven't read Cultish, by Amanda Montell, yet, I think it's an excellent companion text.
August 9, 2024
It's worth reading but....I wish this book was something it isn't, which would be an explanation of how QAnon got to the point where it could ruin so many lives. This is more an exploration into what happens to people when they go down the rabbit hole as opposed to how did the rabbit hole get dug.
The writing is good although rather than go back and forth between the 5 families involved I thought the book would have read better if she just did one family at a time.
Nonetheless if you are interested in seeing how Q takes apart families and communities this does it.
One can only hope that this is a passing issue in American life, but doubtful.
The writing is good although rather than go back and forth between the 5 families involved I thought the book would have read better if she just did one family at a time.
Nonetheless if you are interested in seeing how Q takes apart families and communities this does it.
One can only hope that this is a passing issue in American life, but doubtful.
June 26, 2025
The Quiet Damage is a relevant and powerful book, with a fitting title that encapsulates its central theme: the quiet yet destructive impact of conspiracy theories. It paints a poignant picture of how even the most educated and rational individuals, teachers, lawyers, researchers, can be drawn into the web of unfounded and dangerous ideas.
The book highlights the role social media platforms like Reddit, YouTube, and Facebook play in amplifying these theories by enabling like-minded individuals to connect and spread their harmful ideas with the click of a button.
The loud voices of a minority of conspiracy theorists on these platforms can easily drown out rational discourse, making it difficult for even the well-informed to resist the pull of these damaging narratives.
The narrative resonated with me personally, reminding me of a family member who has worked in the medical field for over 25 years. Despite their background, they have increasingly fallen for various online conspiracy theories, sharing them with friends and family, oblivious to the echo chamber they’re becoming a part of. It’s a sobering reminder of how even those with significant professional expertise can fall prey to misinformation.
The book really drives home the point that the deeper people go into these rabbit holes, the more isolated they become, not realizing how little genuine engagement they're getting on their posts (and I'm not talking about the new superficial equally misguided conspiracy theorists met along the way, but actual friends and family).
While I found the writing compelling, I did struggle with the structure of the book. I still found it worth reading. The subject matter, though incredibly frustrating, is important. Conspiracy theories don't just affect the individuals who fall for them, they also cause irreparable damage to their families and relationships.
Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding the psychological and societal effects of online misinformation.
The book highlights the role social media platforms like Reddit, YouTube, and Facebook play in amplifying these theories by enabling like-minded individuals to connect and spread their harmful ideas with the click of a button.
The loud voices of a minority of conspiracy theorists on these platforms can easily drown out rational discourse, making it difficult for even the well-informed to resist the pull of these damaging narratives.
The narrative resonated with me personally, reminding me of a family member who has worked in the medical field for over 25 years. Despite their background, they have increasingly fallen for various online conspiracy theories, sharing them with friends and family, oblivious to the echo chamber they’re becoming a part of. It’s a sobering reminder of how even those with significant professional expertise can fall prey to misinformation.
The book really drives home the point that the deeper people go into these rabbit holes, the more isolated they become, not realizing how little genuine engagement they're getting on their posts (and I'm not talking about the new superficial equally misguided conspiracy theorists met along the way, but actual friends and family).
While I found the writing compelling, I did struggle with the structure of the book. I still found it worth reading. The subject matter, though incredibly frustrating, is important. Conspiracy theories don't just affect the individuals who fall for them, they also cause irreparable damage to their families and relationships.
Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding the psychological and societal effects of online misinformation.
June 9, 2024
The Quiet Damage is a compassionate and thoughtful book that follows five families and their experiences when a member of each family becomes radicalized by Q-Anon. It’s compulsively readable - harrowing and moving as it highlights the slow and subtle descent into indoctrination for people across different walks of life, and with various lived experiences. It takes an empathetic and careful perspective as it dives deep into the rabbit hole behind these individuals and their family members. It explores the damage of Q-Anon, both from the point of view of the person who became indoctrinated, and the family members they “leave behind”.
It’s a fast read, almost paced like a true crime book of thriller, but with the caveat that it comes from a place of no judgment and clear compassion for everyone involved. It highlights the descent down the rabbit hole for ordinary (often vulnerable) people, who - whether searching for community, or understanding, or even a clear source of blame for their circumstances - found what they needed through Q-Anon.
I also really appreciated the author’s focus on the efforts made to deprogram or reconnect with these individuals - and the varying degrees of success these efforts were met with. While focusing predominantly on American individuals and families, there was a lot of relevance here for all readers in our current social, cultural, and political climate.
This was such a compelling and heart wrenching read, that feels more timely than ever, in this epidemic of fake news, indoctrination, anti-government viewpoints, and coming in after years of a deadly, mass-disabling pandemic that was poorly managed and handled by the “powers that be”. I really appreciated the care and tact with wishing Cook approached this book and the people profiled within it. It really highlighted the perspective that it could be any of us who at affected by these kinds of radicalizations, especially as it explored the insidious ways that Q-Anon brings in and radicalized people. This was a breathless and impactful book, and a must-read for anyone.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book, from the publisher.
It’s a fast read, almost paced like a true crime book of thriller, but with the caveat that it comes from a place of no judgment and clear compassion for everyone involved. It highlights the descent down the rabbit hole for ordinary (often vulnerable) people, who - whether searching for community, or understanding, or even a clear source of blame for their circumstances - found what they needed through Q-Anon.
I also really appreciated the author’s focus on the efforts made to deprogram or reconnect with these individuals - and the varying degrees of success these efforts were met with. While focusing predominantly on American individuals and families, there was a lot of relevance here for all readers in our current social, cultural, and political climate.
This was such a compelling and heart wrenching read, that feels more timely than ever, in this epidemic of fake news, indoctrination, anti-government viewpoints, and coming in after years of a deadly, mass-disabling pandemic that was poorly managed and handled by the “powers that be”. I really appreciated the care and tact with wishing Cook approached this book and the people profiled within it. It really highlighted the perspective that it could be any of us who at affected by these kinds of radicalizations, especially as it explored the insidious ways that Q-Anon brings in and radicalized people. This was a breathless and impactful book, and a must-read for anyone.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book, from the publisher.
December 15, 2024
Well that was bleak. Great read.
April 4, 2025
Thoughtful and compassionate, Cook's work looks at the experiences of four people who became followers of Q-Anon and the effects of their beliefs and actions on their loved ones. There are a lot of helpful ideas and insights here; among the most notable, the risk factors that make people susceptible to radicalization, what *might* work to reach them, and the humanization of people it's far too easy to write off as fools or assholes. It is also scary to see how much overlap there is between the manipulation that draws people into right-wing cults and the rhetoric in social media across the political spectrum.
August 28, 2024
This is one of those books that tells such a compelling story, one can forgive the so-so writing. I was fascinated by the families the author chose to profile, as well as the different entry points into Q-anon. (There is more connecting the environmental warrior and the evangelical Christian than either might imagine.) There were several missed opportunities, though. The book would have benefitted from a deeper dive into the history of Q-anon, as well as some interviews with experts on cults. A generational focus might have helped, too. Why is it that everyone the author profiled was over the age of 30? Lastly, I wish she had spent some time, perhaps in a prologue, correlating her data and highlighting the commonalities that make people susceptible to cults. From the cases presented, the formula appears to be: isolation + major life change + unresolved trauma = comet ping pong. But I don't know if that's because the author CHOSE families that exhibited similar traits, or because the families she chose HAPPENED to exhibit similar traits.
Most people today, including me, have someone in their lives whose brain has been colonized by radical thoughts. We read these books because we want to know if there's anything we can do--or could have done--to keep the madness from metastasizing. A collection of stories is interesting. Knowing it can happen to anyone is validating. But ultimately, what we want to learn is how to STOP it. This book does not have much to offer on that front, but it's still a worthwhile read--if nothing less, to remind us that we're not alone.
Most people today, including me, have someone in their lives whose brain has been colonized by radical thoughts. We read these books because we want to know if there's anything we can do--or could have done--to keep the madness from metastasizing. A collection of stories is interesting. Knowing it can happen to anyone is validating. But ultimately, what we want to learn is how to STOP it. This book does not have much to offer on that front, but it's still a worthwhile read--if nothing less, to remind us that we're not alone.
November 17, 2024
5 ⭐️ I was already on the train of depressing nonfiction - so why stop before getting to this book! This is definitely compassion journalism mixed with a sociological look at what happens to families and relationships when tested by conspiracy theories. This was interesting and very sad, but feels important in today’s day and age. I appreciated the humanity that the author brought to each situation, and the diverse group she chose to cover in the book (rather than what many would think of when it comes to QAnon believers). Important, timely, and deeply unfortunate.
July 7, 2025
QAnon was poisoning her already-frightened mind, then dangling silver-platter solutions before her eyes. Her attraction to QAnon was an attempt to meet a need. Behind her fear and anxiety, like so many other people, Alice longed to feel safe, secure, and in control. She just wanted to know that everything would be all right, and QAnon promised her it would be. (p. 163, paraphrased)
Succeeding in all the ways Doppelganger falls short, Cook examines how the personal is political and the political is personal.
The Quiet Damage follows the trajectory of real Americans who have fallen down QAnon rabbit holes for various reasons. The people whose stories she tells come from diverse walks of life, with very different political and religious backgrounds.
Cook is skilled at taking on these different perspectives without pitting the characters against one another or trivializing their values as idealistic, invalid, or bigoted. At the same time, she lays out facts without mincing words. The book feels less preachy and prescriptive due to its narrative nature, which in some ways reminded me of Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns.
It is a fascinating, if depressing examination of how Americans are taught to define themselves and their country — as individualistic, free-thinking, righteous disruptors bringing about superlative results. Pair this with inaccessible healthcare (physical and mental) and a global pandemic, where individual traumas and global cohort effects snowball into each other, and suddenly explanations that once felt extreme or preposterous are the only ones able to match pace with the uncertainty and pain of being alive.
It is easier, in a way, to accept a pedophilic cabal than wrestle with the realities of baked-in systemic inequity. People want what is standing between them and the American Dream to be solvable. Some want to shoot for the stars, but many are dreaming small — they want to own property, to feel financial security, to achieve upward mobility and leave behind a better world for their children. How can the bare minimum feel so out of reach? Who is responsible? What is holding us back?
QAnon, gruesome and dangerous though it may be, represents an all-encompassing solution to wide-ranging pain and injustice. It allows people to express their intense feelings about how America has failed them, without confronting the failures of America. The Quiet Damage does a great job at showing how alarming beliefs that cause alienation, ostracization, and rabid fear and fury, are, at the same time, sources of comfort and hope for the desperate and isolated.
Succeeding in all the ways Doppelganger falls short, Cook examines how the personal is political and the political is personal.
The Quiet Damage follows the trajectory of real Americans who have fallen down QAnon rabbit holes for various reasons. The people whose stories she tells come from diverse walks of life, with very different political and religious backgrounds.
Cook is skilled at taking on these different perspectives without pitting the characters against one another or trivializing their values as idealistic, invalid, or bigoted. At the same time, she lays out facts without mincing words. The book feels less preachy and prescriptive due to its narrative nature, which in some ways reminded me of Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns.
It is a fascinating, if depressing examination of how Americans are taught to define themselves and their country — as individualistic, free-thinking, righteous disruptors bringing about superlative results. Pair this with inaccessible healthcare (physical and mental) and a global pandemic, where individual traumas and global cohort effects snowball into each other, and suddenly explanations that once felt extreme or preposterous are the only ones able to match pace with the uncertainty and pain of being alive.
It is easier, in a way, to accept a pedophilic cabal than wrestle with the realities of baked-in systemic inequity. People want what is standing between them and the American Dream to be solvable. Some want to shoot for the stars, but many are dreaming small — they want to own property, to feel financial security, to achieve upward mobility and leave behind a better world for their children. How can the bare minimum feel so out of reach? Who is responsible? What is holding us back?
QAnon, gruesome and dangerous though it may be, represents an all-encompassing solution to wide-ranging pain and injustice. It allows people to express their intense feelings about how America has failed them, without confronting the failures of America. The Quiet Damage does a great job at showing how alarming beliefs that cause alienation, ostracization, and rabid fear and fury, are, at the same time, sources of comfort and hope for the desperate and isolated.
January 16, 2025
4.5 stars--Stunningly well-written, this is the disquieting story of a cultlike belief system that wormed its way into nearly every strata of American society, leaving breathtaking devastation in its wake.
Cook brings us into the lives of a disparate set of people whose lives were derailed by QAnon, and she does so with boundless compassion and nuance. The people we meet are white and black, financially struggling and well-off, religious and not, retired senior citizens and school-age kids, conservative and liberal. There is no one "type" of person who gets mired in all of this, but there are common themes of social isolation and struggle, as well as social media addiction, that seem to collude to increase susceptibility.
Some family stories end with healing and second chances. Some do not. All are important to understanding the modern social landscape.
Cook brings us into the lives of a disparate set of people whose lives were derailed by QAnon, and she does so with boundless compassion and nuance. The people we meet are white and black, financially struggling and well-off, religious and not, retired senior citizens and school-age kids, conservative and liberal. There is no one "type" of person who gets mired in all of this, but there are common themes of social isolation and struggle, as well as social media addiction, that seem to collude to increase susceptibility.
Some family stories end with healing and second chances. Some do not. All are important to understanding the modern social landscape.
January 8, 2025
After hearing many of the QAnon stories. I anticipated that this book would take a balanced perspective and help me to see the pros and cons of both sides of this political issue. Unfortunately this is only written from the perspective of the left. I myself lean heavily to the left but I wanted to try to see both sides of the coin. This did not help to accomplish that.
September 11, 2024
Reallyyyy refreshing to read a book that’s nuanced and sympathetic to people who fall into conspiracy theories (and the people around them) rather than just writing them off as crazies. God this was so devastating I cried
October 19, 2024
What happened to Qanon? It's been absorbed into the Republican Party. Cook follows 5 families affected by cultish Qanon fanaticism and the destruction caused to everyone involved. Where we are now is truly frightening but it's true, the damage to these many individuals is quiet.
April 14, 2025
Oof this was the saddest book I’ve read in awhile
December 17, 2024
third-person-omniscient voice in nonfiction, especially modern nonfic with personal interviews, is a tricky one for me
June 6, 2025
Incredible and important - the audiobook is actually really great to listen to, highly recommend.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,197 reviews