The Successful Self

by Dorothy Rowe

Is it possible to be truly successful as a person? Or must we, as most of us do, continue to live our lives feeling in some way trapped and oppressed, frustrated, irritable, haunted by worries and regrets, creating misery for ourselves and others?

In 'The Successful Self', leading psychologist Dorothy Rowe shows us how to live more comfortably and creatively within ourselves by achieving a fuller understanding of how we experience our existence and how we perceive the threat of its annihilation.

She demonstrates how to develop the social and personal skills we lack, retaining the uniqueness of our individuality while becoming an integral part of the life around us and learning how to value and accept ourselves.

With the originality, clarity and unfailing wisdom she has become famous for, Dorothy Rowe enables us to revolutionise our own lives and the lives of others in the process of becoming a Successful Self.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

The psychologist who has changed how we understand depression and happiness

"Dorothy Rowes is the calm voice of reason in an increasingly mad world"
Sue Townsend

Dorothy Rowe is a world-renowned psychologist and writer. Her explanation of depression gives the depressed person a way of taking charge of their life and leaving the prison of depression forever.

She shows how we each live in a world of meaning that we have created. She applies this understanding to important aspects of our lives, such as emotional distress, happiness, growing old, religious belief, politics, money, friends and enemies, extraverts and introverts, parents, children and siblings.

Her work liberates us from the bamboozling lies that mental health experts and politicians tell in order to keep us in our place and themselves in power.

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Reviews

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating psychological insight into people’s minds and how they function. Rowe discusses the difference between introverts and extroverts and how this trait affects a person’s reality. An extrovert’s reality is focused on external phenomena whereas an introvert’s reality is focused on internal, and thus both perceive reality differently. Rowe argues that this therefore determines what will be perceived as threating and a potential annihilation of the self. An introvert has difficulties with external reality as they prefer structure and control of their environment and hence a world of chaos is threating to their self. Conversely an extrovert has difficulties with internal reality as they prefer to be with people who provide them much distraction from what is occurring inside of themselves and hence a world of isolation is threatening to their self. Thus an introvert views a successful life as one where they can achieve and make progress towards perfection, whereas an extrovert views a successful life as one where they have many friends they get along with. However I did question the accuracy of this as at times I felt myself wondering if I was an introvert, as some of the description of an extrovert seemed equally fitting to my personality, and if this trait was fluid and therefore changeable with age. Rowe gives lots of insightful examples of people in therapy who were experiencing various life problems and logically relates them back to this fear of the annihilation of the self. I found myself thinking about my own life and problems and thinking deeply about the roots of these. Rowe discusses the attraction between introverts and extraverts, as each provides the other with the shadow part of themselves, but that this can later repel due to a lack of understanding of the others’ personality; an extrovert will want to socialise frequently but an introvert will prefer to stay home, much to the frustration of the other. Rowe suggests that madness is a choice and is an unconscious protection of the self from annihilation. She posits that anxiety is where we substitute our threat of annihilation onto an object so we can displace this fear onto something that seems to us more logical and thus acceptable. Rowe also describes how people who experience depression often view themselves as bad people as in childhood this was the safer option than to assume that it was those around us who were bad, as they were supposed to be protecting us. However Rowe is limited here as she does not explain depression in people who do not feel they are bad. Rowe further argues that depression is a choice as it is safer for our self than to confront the fear of annihilation, and that depression provides us with a time-out as we withdraw in a socially-acceptable way from all our responsibilities. Fascinatingly thought-provoking overall and I plan to read another of Rowe’s books regarding depression.

[Vicky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting theory about introversion:extraversion from the wonderful Ms Rowe, but I think this book lets itself down in two ways 1) it doesn't really tell you how to establish your own orientation - she implies the differences are distinct and easy to identify with laddering but I frequently found I could easily relate to both types, which she says is not possible. 2) towards the end it loses the thread a bit and starts talking about the psyche and causes of psychosis and depression which is very well done but not well linked back to the intraversion/extraversion theory she is positing.

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

For a long time I was a big fan of Dorothy Rowe, but I can't say I found this particularly enlightening. Perhaps this was because the content is expanded upon in some of her other books about anxiety and depression and I'd become over familiar with them, so this offered little new for me. Still worth a read though.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating. I'm not sure I'm completely convinced by all of it but there's loads of food for thought.

[Martin Raybould · Rating 4 out of 5]

A guide book to freeing inner strengths with a strong focus on the differences between extraverts and introverts. Lots of sound advice but the final chapter on putting everything into practice is less convincing.

[Tom · Rating 3 out of 5]

a useful book