Anikó: The stranger who loved me

by Bob Rich

This literary biography has won three awards, including the EPPIE for nonfiction in 2004.It is the life story of a woman who achieved the impossible and survived the unsurvivable -- more than once. Her courage, imagination and ruthlessness saved her and her family from death during the terrible years of the Second World War. Hampered by the stifling atmosphere of life behind the Iron Curtain, and by being a woman in a male-dominated culture, she nevertheless managed to build a million-dollar export business. But the greatest challenge of her life was to protect her husband's dignity over 31 years...Her son resented the coming of a new man into her life, and carried out a secret war against his stepfather. This may have eventually resulted in one of them murdering the other. Instead, the boy was transported to Australia for the term of his natural life, like the convicts of old.How would you react if the man you loved tore your child from you?This is a book of passion, told with force by that son as a tribute to his mother's memory.

253 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 28, 2011

About the author

Bob Rich, PhD, is a visitor from a faraway galaxy, where he is an historian of horror. So, Earth is his favorite place in the universe. Nowhere else do sentient beings engage in a game of killing non-combatants (war). Nowhere else are child raising practices designed to harm children. And delicious for an historian of horror: nowhere else is the entire global economy designed to destroy its life support system.
Here on Earth, he is disguised as an Australian storyteller, with 20 published books, six of which, and over 40 short stories, have won awards.
He has retired five times so far. He still works as an editor for several small publishers and a steady stream of writers.
Above all, he is a Professional Grandfather. Anyone born since 1993 is his grandchild. Everything he does strives for a survivable future for them, and one worth surviving in. This means environmental and humanitarian activism: an attempt to change a worldwide culture of greed and aggression into one of compassion and cooperation.
When he was 23, a minister of religion told him he was a Buddhist. On checking, he found his philosophy set out in beautiful words. He decided not to sue the Buddha for plagiarism, as an act of metta (lovingkindness).

Reviews

[Victoria Chatham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t remember when I have started re-reading a book before I’ve even finished it, but that is what happened with this book. I was enthralled with the story from page one.

The cast of characters was the author’s family, specifically his mother Aniko Stern. The setting was Hungary, both pre- and post-war. The conflict was constant, external from the Nazis and then the Communists, internal the pressures of being a Jewish family in war-torn Europe. That the family not only survived but thrived was due to Aniko’s indomitable spirit. She may have been small in stature but everything else about her was larger than life.

It wasn’t the happiest of stories. Quite apart from the brutality and oppression of the times, the family dynamics make fascinating reading. The relationships between Aniko and her parents, her first husband and the author’s father, Tibor, and later her second husband, Antal, and his mother were told in a clean cut, no-holds-barred narrative.

The author makes no bones about his reaction to Antal, nor to his eventual journey to Australia in the company of his Uncle Peter, a man who is something of a shadowy figure throughout the story with all his comings and goings but who still manages to leave a large and unpleasant impression.

It has long been my opinion that in every era there are people, women especially, who break the mold and rise above the norm. Aniko Stern was one of those women. In telling her story, often written in lyrical prose, Bob Rich has given us not only a view of history that many of us do not know, but also a message of love and hope.

This is a book I fully recommend.

[Holli Kenley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Generational Story of Love and Loyalty and the Losses Within Each

When I began reading Ankio’: The Stranger Who Loved Me, I was eager to devour a biography. Knowing it was a generational story of a Jewish family set in Hungary during World War II, I prepared myself for an intense and intriguing read. Dr. Bob Rich delivers on every level. I could go on and on about the incredible depth of research into his mother’s life and how it was exquisitely and intricately woven into complex historical events of the time. I could share how much I learned from the unearthing of one family’s saga during the horrors of the Holocaust and of wartime atrocities, but after finishing Aniko’, I took away so much more.
Viewing this biography from the lens of a marriage and family therapist as well as someone who knows the heartache and heartbreak of a broken family, I was drawn into the lives of every character – not just Aniko’. For me, this was a story of a woman’s profound love – for her husbands, her children, her relatives, her work, and for herself. And yet, those strong bonds of passion carried with them demands for attention and time, revealing the damage resulting from prioritized and competing loyalties.
I found myself connecting with Robi (Bob) and his brother Jo’zsef, especially as children and adolescents. Secure attachments to parental figures are imperative to healthy developmental growth. In the absence of unconditional love, acceptance, and belonging (especially from Anti), both boys struggled with emotional detachment and grief, as they weighed their love for their mother and from her against her loyalties to people and things which served her. As children and young adults, these “losses” are hard to identify and understand. Later in life, they are even harder to reconcile and accept.
I admire the raw openness with which Dr. Rich shares this generational story. As I concluded the book, my heart was warmed that Bob did not succumb to bitterness or resentment. And I was moved by the power of his resilience. In choosing a path of perseverance, Bob drew upon his strength, courage, and commitment to wellness in leading a life of authenticity, integrity, and purpose.
Aniko’: The Stranger Who Loved Me is, as I stated, so much more than a biography. It is a story of love and loyalty and the losses within each. And it is the story of one man surviving all of it.

Holli Kenley, MA – author Daughters Betrayed By Their Mothers: Moving From Brokenness To Wholeness

[Michael Thal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Bob Rich tells the story of his mother, Aniko Stern, in an extraordinary biography about a remarkable woman who lived an exceptional life.

Rich takes his readers to 1936 Hungary prior to the Holocaust, as young Aniko falls in love with her future husband, Tibor, and trains to become a bookbinder.

The author does an amazing job showing the strengths and weaknesses of his mother and the sacrifices she made to ensure the survival of her family during the darkest period in Jewish history. As Hitler’s army overran Hungry and herded millions of Jews into ghettos, Aniko conspired ways to find food and a safe haven for her family to wait out the war.

When allied forces liberated Hungry in 1945, Aniko had to confront Soviet occupation and the stifling demands of Communism. This woman figured out ways around the system to ensure her box business remained afloat and thrived.

As in most families, there is strife, which Rich shows masterfully as he remains objective with the ability to show all sides of the dispute, even though he sat center stage. We eventually understand the subtitle—The Stranger Who Loved Me—as Aniko placed her son behind the needs of a second husband and an inspiring job.

Though Aniko’s maternal instinct seems to be lacking and her second husband’s performance as a father is less than stellar, you’ll still love Aniko for her strength of character and mourn her passing with tears. Aniko: The Stranger Who Loved Me is a book for anyone searching for insight into family dynamics with a backdrop of historical references throughout 20th Century European History. Highly recommended.