It's Okay Not to Look for the Meaning of Life: A Zen Monk's Guide to Living Stress-Free One Day at a Time

by Jikisai Minami

Free Yourself from Stress with Simple, No-Nonsense Advice from a Zen Monk!

Zen monk Jikisai Minami takes the things we are supposed to strive for and turns them on their head. The 35 short, thought-provoking essays in this book are divided into four chapters about our sense of self, our hopes and dreams, our personal relationships and how to face death. Each essay begins with a deliberately controversial point of view to help us look at life's problems through fresh eyes.

Each chapter features a number of short, thought-provoking essays providing fresh perspectives on familiar problems that can change your life! The essays include :

Although the author's messages may seem harsh at first, his teachings help us reduce anxiety in our daily lives. Being bound by the belief that "I have to do X" or "I need to achieve Y" causes immense stress. The author encourages us to accept our reality and live our lives from that starting point. This, he believes will free us from anxiety, relationship problems and negative emotions.

This book has been a huge hit in Japan, with reader comments such

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Self Help, Psychology, Buddhism, Religion, Spirituality

192 pages, Hardcover

Published April 2, 2024

Reviews

[Kykykäkä · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was recently wondering about who I am and this book is pretty much telling me there’s no such thing as me. When I think about it like that, I feel both empty and somewhat relieved

[☆ lola (tanya) ☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book on a whim while I was in Tsutaya Bookstore in Tokyo and finally got to read it after coming home! Essentially, I was looking for something/someone to tell me that I didn't have to continiously battle myself with how i want to spend my life.

Finding this book seemed like a good way to start but after having read it I definitely think some aspects of the book don't actively consider the hardships experienced by the majority of the population.

A large part of the book was to not give importance to anything - which I definitely agree with... to an extent. However, the act of not giving importance to everything can sometimes come from a priviledged stand point - for example, it would not be wise of me to tell someone who is financially struggling to "just quit" their job or "work less" - these are not solutions to managing a stress free life for a lot of people! I found that Minami would often use similar phrases when trying to back up his points.. which to me just was not realistic.

There are other parts however that I truly enjoyed and advice that did bring me stillness - specifically the lesson about not having to bloom where we're planted. I also thoroughly enjoyed the following quote at the very end of the book: "In the end, all you can do in this life is learn how to live in a way that somehow accepts the death you will never know."

Will this change your life? Probably not! But it definitely has interesting points that can help shift your mindset when dealing with certain things! :)

[Shawn Leonard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very well written and easy-to-read book that applies Buddhist principles to the modern day. A central theme of the book is letting go of your worldly goals and being OK with not achieving your dreams. The author tells you that most people don’t achieve their dreams.

As Westerners, we’re ambitious. Sometimes there’s so much pressure to achieve that we delay our happiness until then. We spend so much time wanting to be an idealized version of ourselves that we don’t appreciate who we are right now.

He argues that hard work is great, and if achieving success in your life or career is important to you then that’s what you should do. But if the pressure of achievement weighs on you so much that it affects you negatively, it's okay to let go of those ties.

We are all victims of suffering.

Overall, very solid read, my first book on Buddhism that I've finished. It was super interesting to be able to read a Japanese person’s perspective on life, which differs so much from what I grew up around.

[Paige]

There are some interesting things in here, but overall the zen approach of “nothing matters, so just go along for the ride” is too close to nihilism for me.

[Cody Eastlick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very much enjoyed this one, lots of lessons I needed to hear and I think I will continue on this track of reading when it comes to this type of growth.

That said the last ~30 pages or so were mostly around getting over death/grief and thankfully that’s not something I have had to struggle with myself so I sorta breezed thru that at the end. But I think this book might find its way to a permanent spot on my bookshelf.

It’s okay not to constantly look for meaning.

It doesn’t matter if you feel emotional.

Anger solves nothing.

Besides living and dying, nothing else is a big deal.

It’s not reasonable to worry more about the afterlife than this life.

[Cat Treadgold · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a gem, like scoring a couple of hours of audience with a Buddhist monk. Don't expect a lot of personal anecdotes, though there are a few, or stories illustrating his points. But there are many pearls of wisdom, especially if you're not familiar with Buddhist teachings, which I'm not, particularly. Call it "comfort for ambitious Westerners who still have a lot to prove and are running out of time." The point is, you didn't choose to be born, nor did you choose your body, your circumstances, your family, even your name. Do the best with what you have. Don't waste a lot of time trying to find meaning or your bliss. You're allowed to grab what happiness you can, even if it means discarding toxic family members/friends or giving up on a lifelong dream. He doesn't condone selfishness. Rather, he emphasizes that you should do what you "ought" to do; that will make you happy. Concentrating on the needs of your "self" will not. We don't know what's coming--even the Buddha admitted that--so there's no need to worry about it.
Okay, that is vastly simplified, and I'm not entirely sure what it means either, but there you go. As someone whose parents advocated relentlessly for hard work and achievement, I found it a relief. You may find some relief too.

[Miss Syreena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Challenging and fascinating way to look at life. Not all sections might be relevant, but certain parts hit based on the issue of the moment. A book I know I'll revisit constantly - already restarting the book! Some favorite sections: life is negative and that's normal, you can just live with regrets, it's absurd to worry more about the afterlife than this life, you don't have to bloom where you're planted, start from a place where you say "life has no meaning."

[Nick Russo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this after completing a book arguing we have no free will is an interesting continuation of a similar theme. I recommend this book for anyone obsessed with self, and I think it’s a good one to have on the shelf to revisit. As none of us will be able to absorb its simple wisdom and act on it flawlessly.

[John Owen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have read a few books about Buddhism and meditation and found this one to have no special observations and was annoying at time. The message seems to be that there is nothing you can do about anything in life so just relax. I know I am greatly simplifying his message, but I was not inspired by much in this book.

[Yuzulina (Éndy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this helped me with my anxiety and with the mess in my head. There are some opinions I can’t really relate to, but that’s ok. It was a nice read with calming effect.

[B. Conklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

With all of the Western interest in Zen Buddhism, I’m surprised this little self-help book isn’t more popular or highly rated. Maybe it’s because the author’s message comes across as so negative? Compared to the inspirational book I reviewed last time around, this one is the mirror opposite. I would label it anti-motivational. Instead of “rah-rah” cheerleading the reader on to victory, this author is more like, “Why not sit this one out on the sidelines and watch the game from here? After all, you probably won’t win the game anyway.”

Yet this isn’t a guide toward depression and despair but more of a ticket to realism. The book encourages you to step back from your problems, whether relationship- or work-related, and cooly assess ways to fix your issues or at least evaluate whether the situation is even fixable. At first, I thought this book, written by a Zen monk, was a spoof on Buddhism with subtitles such as, “It’s okay not to look for the meaning of life,” “It’s all right if you can’t be the person you want to be,” and “Besides living and dying, nothing else is a big deal.” After all, this is the author who advised a graduating class, “In reality, most people’s dreams don’t come true. … So, even if you don’t have any hopes or dreams, it’s okay.”

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “don’t sweat the small stuff.” This author’s view is “don’t sweat the big stuff either.” The outcome of all your struggling and striving probably won’t be what you want it to be, so it’s not really worth the stress, worry, and anxiety. However, the author isn’t advising you to become a soulless, passive, emotionless automaton going through the motions of living. Instead, his message appears to be to do what you can with the gifts and resources you have to nurture your relationships and improve your work life in a world of reality rather than an untenable fantasy world of your imagination. He thinks you will be much happier if you take this approach—or at least more content. The question is whether readers caught up in the dog-eat-dog turmoil of daily living can put this philosophy into practice. Don’t worry if you can’t. I’m not sure I can either. And that’s okay.

[Jessi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book had a few small mistakes and a couple things I’m not sure I agree with, overall, I believe this book has had a pretty big impact on me in the week that it took me to read it. It’s helped me put a few things in prospective and has, noticeably, helped me through certain situations. For example: in the past couple weeks at work, there were three different days when I had to call more than the usual amount of customers who had complaints and situations they needed help with. The most recent of these days was last night, which was the most challenging of these three nights. This first of these nights were before I read this book and I was easily, and overwhelmingly, overcome with emotion and turmoil due to the stress of the night. The second of these nights was in the middle of reading this book and was similar to the first day. The difference was that I was able to handle the night like a champ and it was nothing more than a mild inconvenience. Last night though?! There are no words for how difficult last night was. It was like the first two nights wrapped up into one with a big F you thrown in for good measure. I broke down in tears for a few seconds, let the stress go, I did what I could, got to the end of the night, ate some fast food and chocolate and now I’m fine! No worries! I might actually have to buy this book and look into Buddhism some more.

[Gracie! · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Buddhist perspective on life and death - some essays reaffirmed some of my previous and current perspectives, some gave me additional perspective, and some I just disagree with. A literarily accessible read about abstract topics with a lot of advice and suggestions for how to apply to learning/information to your life. Overall this book taught me to detach from the overwhelming urge to find and give meaning to all things in life, including life itself.

“The ability to discern between your feelings about a situation and what is actually happening is the major prerequisite for getting out of a situation you currently see as a problem”

“As long as you are alive, you still have the opportunity to strengthen your connection with other people”

“It is important to move away from the delusion of ‘my precious self’, ‘my true self’ or ‘living out my dreams’ and see yourself as you are in your relationships with others. If you aim for that, you will have more days when you think it’s not so bad to be alive - or even that you’re glad to be alive”

“In the end, all you can do in this life is learn how to live in a way that somehow accepts the death you will never know”

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite possibly the most depressing and pessimistic "self-help" book you could read. While I generally find benefit in much of Buddhism's Zen teachings, this author truly seems out of touch, and honestly, pretentious.

This book is rife with blunt gems such as these: You don't need friends; relationships are just a source of worry. There's no reason to panic; you'll go to hell either way. People can live without hopes and dreams; they probably won't come true anyway. There is no need to create something worth living for or something worth doing. For someone who is already a cynic, these aren't helpful. He also contradicts himself throughout the book. On one page, he says you can live happily without meaning. And a few pages later states that people cannot live without some sense of meaning in their lives. Sure, there are a few other good platitudes, such as do something for others, but none that I haven't heard before. But by all means, if you get uplifted by nihilism, pick this book up and enjoy.

[Anya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a gentle understated and enjoyable book with good advice. I have read a lot of books on Buddhism and spirituality so this book is no surprise to me, although I can imagine that it may seem depressing to hear “don’t worry, nothing matters and don’t look for meaning” for some people! I think humans naturally look for meaning and I myself am aware of the yearning and searching for meaning which I often enjoy! It seems to keep me motivated in life. However there is great reassurance and wisdom in not needing to do this, or realising that it not necessary even though it happens. Although this is a lovely book, only 3 stars because I didn’t particularly gain new insights (for me), although the whole point of the book is also not needing to be “blown away” by a book. So paradoxically I should give it a high mark for being so down to earth, obviously my mind isn’t quite that advanced yet though!

[James S. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A strange book. There is some useful advice in here, but a lot of it sounds like the kind of advice you might get from a depressed friend: nothing matters, who cares. I can see how this kind of thinking could alleviate anxiety, but it might also lead you to kill yourself as well.

Besides that, some of the author's thinking seems pre-scientific. For instance, he dwells on the fact that the self is an illusion, and that if our memories disappeared, our selfhood would also disappear.

But is this true? Aren't we who we are because of our unerasable genome?

Also, some of the logical connections between claims seem suspicious, or poorly explained. It's as if he can't be bothered to be logically rigorous, because after all, none of this matters.

Thought-provoking, but strange. More in the tradition of a religion than modern psychology.

[Sriram · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has given me a broader Idea of what life is and how there is nothing to be too serious about. I have always wondered why are we living? and what is all this about? This nook simply says we just happened to born here. With no idea of where we came from, neither the destination we reach in the afterlife. (If there is such a thing as afterlife first of all).

I have also worried a lot about death. What will happen to me after I dye. Will I still remain in the body and unable to speak my thoughts? Can I sense everything yet no one can hear me? The thought of death has always made me more anxious. This book said well we don’t know anything about afterlife, so why not just think of it with ease of mind.

Just live for the sake of living, don’t put too much unwanted pressure into things in life. As nothing matters anyways.

I will visit this book from time to time.

[Debbie Wakefield · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short, poetic look at life through a zen monk’s wise perspective. I enjoy learning about Buddhism so I enjoyed this book. I liked how easy to understand it was and how straightforward the advice was.

It was an honest and refreshing little read compared to American self help books.
This book is the opposite of a Rachel Hollis “Girl, wash your face” type vague cliche upbeat capitalistic American self help book. You don’t need to just work harder to make all your dreams come true.

This book is more “you don’t need hopes and dreams,” “besides living and dying, nothing else is a big deal” and “take it easy and simply disappear.” Okay yes, those are taken out of context but still are messages from the book that do sound shocking to Americans.

[Amanda Clarisse · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Without joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure, we would be as good as dead.”

It's Okay Not to Look for the Meaning of Life is written by zen monk Jikisai Minami and includes 35 brief yet thought-provoking articles that are organized into four parts that discuss how to confront death, our goals and dreams, our sense of self, and our personal relationships. Each essay is curiously started by the author with a deliberately contentious viewpoint, which helps us see life's issues from a different angle. Even though the author's lessons at first sound harsh, they provide useful insight into day-to-day living.

[Marci Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three and a half stars rounded up. My husband picked this up from the library on a whim. So I read it. I've never read a book by a Buddhist Monk. It was a bit strange at times but an interesting point of view. The lesson about not having to bloom where you are planted resonated. Anger solves nothing, and practically nobody achieves their dreams. I work with young children, and we often talk about our hopes and dreams. He mentions Olympic medalists reaching their dreams, but most everyday people do not. Some readers might find it depressing to hear "don't worry, nothing matters - don't look for meaning in your life". Take it with a grain of salt.

[Jacqueline Mok · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got a little argumentative with this monk at the start (my copy is full of counter- thoughts). He posits that it is all well and good that people chase a meaningful life and derive fulfilment from it. But if one can't find meaning, I paraphrase, that is actually the default (and therefore ok). We were after all put into this world not on our volition, into a set of circumstances not of our choosing, so how can we ALL expect to 'bloom where we are planted'?

In my mind, I was going: That's moving the bar. Isn't that going against our neurobiological construct? Aren't we built to seek meaning? What about what Frankl said about how if we had a 'why' we could bear any 'how'? But it turned out Minami is saying a similar thing, just that your 'why' needn't be full of grandiosity nor measured against gains or losses (oh, and no need for ikigai). It's about how you relate to others, doing what you should, instead of what you want, to just even help that little, and then moving out of this life, dead. ("The greatest task in life is to die.") Living is not about the self, because — no spoilers required — there is no self.

I thought the chapters on grief were particularly moving. I didn't get exactly what Minami meant grief was, but I walked away with two possible takes: 1. Grief as the pain of coming to terms with the new way you need to relate to a person who has taken on a new identity as a 'dead person'. Once you come to terms with this new relationship, the pain of the grief lessens; 2. You never stop grieving, but you come to terms with your grief over time and that's when you'll be ok.

This is not a book that blows your mind, but I do think it's something that you'll come back to from time to time to get back perspective.

[T.J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

For whatever reason, I really enjoyed this book. The beautifully designed interior is a little at odds with the author's no-nonsense, almost abrupt writing. But it's good to stop and reflect on the things that stress us out: the people and relationships in our lives, the pressures we put on our selves, the dreams we put up on a shelf for "one day." It can be helpful to look at things in a less sentimental way. Who and what do we really need in life to be happy?

[Angela Ramos · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mean, I enjoyed some chapters. The last ones were a bit on a rush of conclusions, but it’s a peaceful one.
I recommend to read 1-3 chapters per day and actually digest them for the day. Otherwise it’s a bunch of life theories that can enter in one eye and the next page get out of the other.
So take your time to read it, it might be helpful for some people but also not all the book has to make sense at once.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of his advice sounded either too extreme or too prescriptive.

While it is no nonsense, what he shared was not new. Some of his ideas sounded contradictory to the title of not looking for the meaning of life, when much emphasis was on the relationship with others rather than the self. Isn’t seeking connection too part of the meaning of life, if so? The reason I can’t relate might also be due to messages loss in translation. Overall, I had a hard time digesting his teaching.

[Steve Barrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found a lot of insight in this book, and the short-chapter format to be approachable. There are certain concepts which I can't accept yet - for example, "it's fine to live your life with the feeling you are throwing it away." On the other hand, many of the other ideas are more straightforward. I'll definitely keep this one around to reference from time to time.

[Jillian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of Japanese books and I feel like the translation to English is so hard. Some of the things the author said just didn’t sit right or felt weird. I wonder how much of this is the author’s actual, real thinking vs. the limited translation.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I was reading this book, it feels like I’m being transported to a temple in Kyoto, on a light rainy day, sitting next to the author and receiving the wisdom from him.

I’m glad that the book doesn’t go down the pessimistic route nor overly-optimistic. Just let things be.

[Nat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad but not good.
Ha estado interesante pero no sé si se me ha olvidado lo que he leído por mi memoria o porque no hay enseñanzas claras que hemos de recordar.

Me acuerdo más de una lección de vida que me dio One piece o el libro de la biblioteca de los nuevos comienzos que de esto...

[Michele · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this might be good for my morning reading, when I read philosophy or something inspirational. This didn’t resonate with me though. I think it’s his writing, which is pretty bad. I gave up a little over 1/4 of the way through after getting nothing from it.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

have been in a fog lately, stuck in what life means for me and riddled with big emotions. found this at a bookstore at odawara station and i really like the style of writing in a self help book. was what i needed to read and easy to consume in this short writing style