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The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why You're Feeling Depleted and How to Get What You Need
Are you feeling emotionally exhausted? Do you worry about being likable (at all cost)? Are you trying to do it all and be it all—all the time? This radically different self-care guide will help you find the courage needed to express your deepest needs, nurture self-awareness, and be yourself in a world that expects you to be everything to everyone.
If you’re like countless other women today, you probably feel overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, anxious, stressed, frustrated, or unsatisfied. Or all of the above! In addition to managing your own career and running a household, you may be taking on an abundance of emotional labor—tending to others’ needs at the expense of your own. If you’ve spent your whole life trying to please and manage other peoples’ experience, it’s time to speak your truth out loud, stand in your own shoes, and live an authentic life—rather than just behave.
Written by therapist and spiritual teacher Nancy Colier, The Emotionally Exhausted Woman offers the validation, emotional support, and empowering skills you’ve been craving. You’ll discover insights grounded in self-respect and awareness, to help you be on your own side and uncover your deepest psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs without feeling guilt, shame, or judgment. You’ll learn why you are feeling depleted, why you take care of others at the expense of taking care of yourself, and how to develop a deeper form of self-care beyond the temporary respite of a spa retreat, bubble bath, or manicure. Finally, you’ll nurture greater awareness of what you truly need to achieve lasting vitality and fulfillment.
As women, we are culturally conditioned to believe that we should be able to do it all and should be all things to all people—all while smiling, looking perfect, and needing nothing for ourselves. At the end of the day, these pressures can leave us feeling depleted—in body, mind, and spirit. So, how can you start taking care of you in a deeper way? This empowering guide will help you gain a newfound awareness of your own needs, and find the courage to live a life that both nourishes and inspires you.
If you’re like countless other women today, you probably feel overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, anxious, stressed, frustrated, or unsatisfied. Or all of the above! In addition to managing your own career and running a household, you may be taking on an abundance of emotional labor—tending to others’ needs at the expense of your own. If you’ve spent your whole life trying to please and manage other peoples’ experience, it’s time to speak your truth out loud, stand in your own shoes, and live an authentic life—rather than just behave.
Written by therapist and spiritual teacher Nancy Colier, The Emotionally Exhausted Woman offers the validation, emotional support, and empowering skills you’ve been craving. You’ll discover insights grounded in self-respect and awareness, to help you be on your own side and uncover your deepest psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs without feeling guilt, shame, or judgment. You’ll learn why you are feeling depleted, why you take care of others at the expense of taking care of yourself, and how to develop a deeper form of self-care beyond the temporary respite of a spa retreat, bubble bath, or manicure. Finally, you’ll nurture greater awareness of what you truly need to achieve lasting vitality and fulfillment.
As women, we are culturally conditioned to believe that we should be able to do it all and should be all things to all people—all while smiling, looking perfect, and needing nothing for ourselves. At the end of the day, these pressures can leave us feeling depleted—in body, mind, and spirit. So, how can you start taking care of you in a deeper way? This empowering guide will help you gain a newfound awareness of your own needs, and find the courage to live a life that both nourishes and inspires you.
Audio CD
First published November 1, 2022
213 people are currently reading
4278 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Colier
11 books32 followersA longtime student of Eastern spirituality, Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, and the author The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why You’re Feeling Depleted and How to Get What You Need (New Harbinger, 2022), as well as numerous other books. She is a thought leader and national speaker on women’s empowerment, wellbeing, and mindful technology, and has been featured on Good Morning America, The New York Times, and countless other media. She is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today. In addition, Nancy spent 25 years as a nationally top-ranked equestrian and serves as a performance consultant to professional athletes and artists.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 240 reviews
January 23, 2023
As someone who grew up in a culture that really impressed upon girls and women the need to create and nurture life, I thought this book would be a fitting note to start the year on. Only problem is, I hate self-help books. And I am correct.
There were some good kernels. Namely:
• The idea that being assertive or simply voicing your needs detracts from femininity. That because our ideas of femininity hinge on accommodating others, when we don’t do that, others may react to our speaking up as unattractive, undesirable, and unfeminine.
• How you don’t have to wait to accept yourself until you’ve achieved some imaginary metric you insist is a prerequisite. It’s okay to take care of yourself as is, instead of withholding grace in perpetuity because you struggle to meet the unattainable standards you set for yourself.
• The self-care industry (I’m referring to band-aid solutions like sheet masks and bath bombs) doesn’t get at the root of exhaustion and burnout, and in fact contributes to it. If you are overwhelmed by life, and are told that you need to make time to take more bubble baths, that’s just one more thing on your plate (plus it often involves paying a company money). Instead of looking at how your workload is unattainable, self-care can put even more pressure on you to find the time, funds, and energy to fix feeling stretched thin.
Now for my qualms:
• As the title may suggest, this is a pretty binary book. Now, don’t get me wrong; I understand girls and women are socialized in specific ways, as are boys and men. And to Colier’s credit, she does mention how cultural attitudes about gender identity are shifting, and there is an anecdote about a woman dating a woman. But the book is pretty much all “THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR WOMEN.” It doesn’t feel untrue or exclusionary, per se, but it is limited in scope.
• Speaking of limited, and I don’t really know how to explain this well, but this is a white lady book if ever I read one. There are very brief mentions of race and class, but a lot of it feels like “This middle-aged marathon running JD mom of three feels exhausted! But she is the perfect modern woman, the picture of success. What gives?” This segues right into the next qualm, which is—
• Individual focus instead of awareness of systemic forces. This is an issue I have with the self-help genre as a whole. It’s always about being courageous enough to finally make a change. The facade of this is empowering, but it’s divorced from a lived reality for many people confined by discrimination and circumstances that are impossible to opt out of and rise above. At one point Colier lists how some are born into advantages, but steers away from how our identities factor into the quality of our education, food, healthcare, housing, etc. I just find analysis that doesn’t level with broader institutional inequities boring and superficial.
• I liked that the book was short, but I kept waiting for the actual advice to start. And then it ended. It was basically a string of anecdotes (so many; those were the bulk of the text) all ending with “But you have to actually voice what you need.” Okay, so how do I do that? You can’t just say “get curious about who you are” and expect everything else to fall into place.
It could have been worse, but it also could have been better, but also, maybe it is just bad to me because of who I am, but also, Nancy told me to accept myself as I am so this review is valid.
There were some good kernels. Namely:
• The idea that being assertive or simply voicing your needs detracts from femininity. That because our ideas of femininity hinge on accommodating others, when we don’t do that, others may react to our speaking up as unattractive, undesirable, and unfeminine.
• How you don’t have to wait to accept yourself until you’ve achieved some imaginary metric you insist is a prerequisite. It’s okay to take care of yourself as is, instead of withholding grace in perpetuity because you struggle to meet the unattainable standards you set for yourself.
• The self-care industry (I’m referring to band-aid solutions like sheet masks and bath bombs) doesn’t get at the root of exhaustion and burnout, and in fact contributes to it. If you are overwhelmed by life, and are told that you need to make time to take more bubble baths, that’s just one more thing on your plate (plus it often involves paying a company money). Instead of looking at how your workload is unattainable, self-care can put even more pressure on you to find the time, funds, and energy to fix feeling stretched thin.
Now for my qualms:
• As the title may suggest, this is a pretty binary book. Now, don’t get me wrong; I understand girls and women are socialized in specific ways, as are boys and men. And to Colier’s credit, she does mention how cultural attitudes about gender identity are shifting, and there is an anecdote about a woman dating a woman. But the book is pretty much all “THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR WOMEN.” It doesn’t feel untrue or exclusionary, per se, but it is limited in scope.
• Speaking of limited, and I don’t really know how to explain this well, but this is a white lady book if ever I read one. There are very brief mentions of race and class, but a lot of it feels like “This middle-aged marathon running JD mom of three feels exhausted! But she is the perfect modern woman, the picture of success. What gives?” This segues right into the next qualm, which is—
• Individual focus instead of awareness of systemic forces. This is an issue I have with the self-help genre as a whole. It’s always about being courageous enough to finally make a change. The facade of this is empowering, but it’s divorced from a lived reality for many people confined by discrimination and circumstances that are impossible to opt out of and rise above. At one point Colier lists how some are born into advantages, but steers away from how our identities factor into the quality of our education, food, healthcare, housing, etc. I just find analysis that doesn’t level with broader institutional inequities boring and superficial.
• I liked that the book was short, but I kept waiting for the actual advice to start. And then it ended. It was basically a string of anecdotes (so many; those were the bulk of the text) all ending with “But you have to actually voice what you need.” Okay, so how do I do that? You can’t just say “get curious about who you are” and expect everything else to fall into place.
It could have been worse, but it also could have been better, but also, maybe it is just bad to me because of who I am, but also, Nancy told me to accept myself as I am so this review is valid.
February 13, 2023
I kept waiting for the actual advice to start and then the book ended. How do I get to know myself? How do I voice my truth? How do I deal with the consequences? None of this was addressed in any meaningful way. Just a generic “live your truth and ask for what you want”. Thanks, couldn’t have figured that one out myself. Just disappointed.
October 20, 2022
Thank you to the publisher via Netgalley for this Read Now title to read and review.
Lots of quotable lines to be found. This seemed fairly well-laid-out with the sections/ chapters dedicated to the different aspects of "needs" and "beliefs"
First is explained why women don't ask for what they need, judgements & labels; things like needy, high maintenance, etc.
Next, ways family dynamics and upbringing impact asking for help or how women view their own needs in adulthood
Core Beliefs: I found this chapter quite insightful. Laid out are core beliefs as to how the world is viewed and things women believe as to why they shouldn't have needs. Things like fairness, "shouldn't I be happy with what I do have," not being deserving of what they need, their own needs shouldn't come before the needs of others, denial, etc.
Self care, the history of self care. I really loved "self care is not working" and "we're buying well-being but our beings are unwell" those really hit. As did the mention that self care has become another "should" and something else to add to the to-do list.
Which then leads into the author's thoughts on self care that it needs to come from within. I enjoyed that chapter. and finally, some advice on how to proceed in your own life.
I enjoyed the stories interspersed in as it gave a "real life" aspect to most of the ideas the author was explaining.
Lots of quotable lines to be found. This seemed fairly well-laid-out with the sections/ chapters dedicated to the different aspects of "needs" and "beliefs"
First is explained why women don't ask for what they need, judgements & labels; things like needy, high maintenance, etc.
Next, ways family dynamics and upbringing impact asking for help or how women view their own needs in adulthood
Core Beliefs: I found this chapter quite insightful. Laid out are core beliefs as to how the world is viewed and things women believe as to why they shouldn't have needs. Things like fairness, "shouldn't I be happy with what I do have," not being deserving of what they need, their own needs shouldn't come before the needs of others, denial, etc.
Self care, the history of self care. I really loved "self care is not working" and "we're buying well-being but our beings are unwell" those really hit. As did the mention that self care has become another "should" and something else to add to the to-do list.
Which then leads into the author's thoughts on self care that it needs to come from within. I enjoyed that chapter. and finally, some advice on how to proceed in your own life.
I enjoyed the stories interspersed in as it gave a "real life" aspect to most of the ideas the author was explaining.
September 7, 2022
Wow. Just wow.
89 highlights from this book because I loved every little thing in this. I am 100% going to recommend this book to every single woman that I know because I truly believe that every woman needs to read this book by Nancy Colier.
"The cultural narrative goes like this: we are worthy, our needs are valid, and we have every right to express our truth."
This was a compelling read that touched on SO many points that struck close to home for me. Being a psychology minor, I knew I was conditioned to many things growing up, but this book brought to light some conditioned traits I wasn't even aware of.
It's validating and reassuring to see the words that you've thought in your head but have always been too afraid to speak out loud. For every girl, every woman, who has ever thought they weren't good enough, who ever felt that it was their fault for someone else's actions, for someone who sacrificed their own happiness to benefit someone else - this is for you.
Absolutely incredible read. Thank you for this, Nancy Colier. And thank you NetGalley & New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for this ARC!
89 highlights from this book because I loved every little thing in this. I am 100% going to recommend this book to every single woman that I know because I truly believe that every woman needs to read this book by Nancy Colier.
"The cultural narrative goes like this: we are worthy, our needs are valid, and we have every right to express our truth."
This was a compelling read that touched on SO many points that struck close to home for me. Being a psychology minor, I knew I was conditioned to many things growing up, but this book brought to light some conditioned traits I wasn't even aware of.
It's validating and reassuring to see the words that you've thought in your head but have always been too afraid to speak out loud. For every girl, every woman, who has ever thought they weren't good enough, who ever felt that it was their fault for someone else's actions, for someone who sacrificed their own happiness to benefit someone else - this is for you.
Absolutely incredible read. Thank you for this, Nancy Colier. And thank you NetGalley & New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for this ARC!
dnf
March 1, 2023Attempted to give this book a try and this is a certified NO for me. The author attempts to analyze the term "Karen" by saying it's a term used to dismiss women.... Ummm no. Karen is an AAVE term that is specifically used as a coded way for Black people to speak about a White woman who is exerting aggressiveness towards them.
September 3, 2023
There were a few good nuggets, but it basically felt like "you're exhausted because you neglect your needs. Solution: stop doing that"
No tangible advice to be had.
No tangible advice to be had.
January 18, 2025
Let me summarize this in 1 sentence: Stop not vocalizing your needs and start vocalizing them! Apparently, it's that easy. And I just saved you 5 hours.
September 16, 2022
The Emotionally Exhausted Woman by Nancy Colier is one of the most useful self-help book that is NOT like other self-help books. It doesn’t tell you what to do, it tells you how to realise what you actually need.
I did not expect this book to “wow” me this much— I’ve probably highlighted every other page. Therapist and spiritual teacher Colier has, in a small number of pages, shed light on so many ways women burden themselves with the ideals that we have set in our minds; ways that seem so small, yet have such a profound impact on our emotional health and wellbeing. She did this wonderfully by giving examples of women, most of whom were her patients.
It also shed light onto the $11 billion (!!!! And estimated to grow exponentially) self-care industry that reminded me so much of that image where someone sticks a bandaid onto a cracked concrete floor.
I can definitely seem myself gifting this book to many emotionally exhausted women in my life when the book comes out.
Note: I read this as as an ARC available through Net Galley.
I did not expect this book to “wow” me this much— I’ve probably highlighted every other page. Therapist and spiritual teacher Colier has, in a small number of pages, shed light on so many ways women burden themselves with the ideals that we have set in our minds; ways that seem so small, yet have such a profound impact on our emotional health and wellbeing. She did this wonderfully by giving examples of women, most of whom were her patients.
It also shed light onto the $11 billion (!!!! And estimated to grow exponentially) self-care industry that reminded me so much of that image where someone sticks a bandaid onto a cracked concrete floor.
I can definitely seem myself gifting this book to many emotionally exhausted women in my life when the book comes out.
Note: I read this as as an ARC available through Net Galley.
June 9, 2023
This book has a lot of good points in it but this is not the book I was expecting. I think being mentally ill our exhaustion with the world is much different. I feel like this would be good for a normal person though!
October 29, 2023
I am sorry, but this book exhausted me with it’s repetition of thoughts and words.
September 13, 2022
Nancy Colier, who is a therapist and spiritual teacher, lays out a solid argument as to how our culture has societal norms that lead most women to believe that they have to be able to manage all things both and work and at home without complaint and all while being pleasant and smiling. This always needing to be on and sacrificing our needs for others contributes to women feeling emotionally exhausted. Colier provides several examples and insights as to how women are conditioned to feel that they have to act this way.
I thought that the best part of the book was when Colier describes how to become more self aware of what it is that you truly desire, and how each woman is an individual and as such each woman's ideal reality will be unique. Furthermore, each woman is responsible for fostering an attitude that allows them to accept this reality even if it goes against the reality that they feel that they should have. If there is any shortfall in this book I felt that it was in this section. I wish that Colier had expanded this part and spent time giving more examples as to how to discover this reality and how to foster a greater acceptance of it.
I thought that the best part of the book was when Colier describes how to become more self aware of what it is that you truly desire, and how each woman is an individual and as such each woman's ideal reality will be unique. Furthermore, each woman is responsible for fostering an attitude that allows them to accept this reality even if it goes against the reality that they feel that they should have. If there is any shortfall in this book I felt that it was in this section. I wish that Colier had expanded this part and spent time giving more examples as to how to discover this reality and how to foster a greater acceptance of it.
August 28, 2024
*2.5ish*
Pros: Non- Violent Communication / Language was great. The understanding of miscommunication, inability or general “being stuck” was right on. Wants vs. Needs were highlighted.
Cons: Incredibly white washed, extremely binary language and does not always do a great job of highlighting that, lack of general advice and more examples or anecdotes which seemed extreme. Why did every example have to have someone that was very negative? Rather than an example of someone who is trying to understand but just isn’t getting it? Etc, etc, etc.
I can be a sucker for a good self- help book. I am constantly seeking personal and professional improvement but I do not feel improved from this, nor does my cup feel filled.
Pros: Non- Violent Communication / Language was great. The understanding of miscommunication, inability or general “being stuck” was right on. Wants vs. Needs were highlighted.
Cons: Incredibly white washed, extremely binary language and does not always do a great job of highlighting that, lack of general advice and more examples or anecdotes which seemed extreme. Why did every example have to have someone that was very negative? Rather than an example of someone who is trying to understand but just isn’t getting it? Etc, etc, etc.
I can be a sucker for a good self- help book. I am constantly seeking personal and professional improvement but I do not feel improved from this, nor does my cup feel filled.
November 29, 2022
This book was incredibly insightful, painful in its accuracy, helpful, supportive, non-judgment and very well written. I couldn’t recommend it more highly. If the title grabs you (it really does speak for itself) I implore you to pick this up. It took me a whole to et through this book purely because it was hitting so close to home (literally). Very well done.
February 6, 2025
Cartea pe care orice femeie ar trebui să o citească! 🤍✨
📖 “Vindecarea epuizării emoționale a femeii” este acea carte care te ajută să-ți conștientizezi nevoile și poate, mult mai important, relația ta cu propriile nevoi.
📖 Este acea carte care-ți pune în lumină umbrele, care te scoate la iveală pe tine - cea care uneori se ascunde în spatele rolurilor pe care le joacă.
📖 Este acea carte care te ghidează prin periculosul și durerosul câmp minat al judecăților, al reproșurilor și etichetelor impuse femeilor de cultura modernă.
🔎 Cum m-au ajutat concret sfaturile găsite în carte?
• am început să mă privesc mai atent și mai conștient, ca și cum aș fi o persoană pe care vreau să o cunosc și să o înțeleg în profunzime;
• acord o atenție mult mai mare trăirilor mele interioare, dar în felul acela cald, blând și lipsit de critică;
• poate cel mai important lucru, mi-am făcut rezerve uriașe de curaj, empatie și iubire de sine, rezerve pe care îmi doresc să le umplu mereu, astfel încât să nu rămână niciodată goale.
🔖 Cred cu tărie că fiecare carte este altfel apreciată și asimilată atunci când este citită la timpul potrivit, iar “Vindecarea epuizării emoționale a femeii” a ajuns în mâinile mele exact când aveam nevoie de o ședință de terapie. Pentru că da, fix așa se simte cartea asta.
💫 Inutil să spun că toate stelele din lume sunt pentru ea!
“Să trăiești conștient, înseamnă să trăiești liber: de fiecare dată când vezi un tipar, îl poți schimba; îți poți crea un mod diferit de a trăi, o realitate diferită - o viață pe care tu o proiectezi, și nu una care te proiectează pe tine.”
“Cu tine fermă pe poziție si ținându-ți partea, vei deține cheia unei surse nelimitate de hrană spirituală și vitalitate; vei deține cheia către tine. Bine ai venit acasă!”
📖 “Vindecarea epuizării emoționale a femeii” este acea carte care te ajută să-ți conștientizezi nevoile și poate, mult mai important, relația ta cu propriile nevoi.
📖 Este acea carte care-ți pune în lumină umbrele, care te scoate la iveală pe tine - cea care uneori se ascunde în spatele rolurilor pe care le joacă.
📖 Este acea carte care te ghidează prin periculosul și durerosul câmp minat al judecăților, al reproșurilor și etichetelor impuse femeilor de cultura modernă.
🔎 Cum m-au ajutat concret sfaturile găsite în carte?
• am început să mă privesc mai atent și mai conștient, ca și cum aș fi o persoană pe care vreau să o cunosc și să o înțeleg în profunzime;
• acord o atenție mult mai mare trăirilor mele interioare, dar în felul acela cald, blând și lipsit de critică;
• poate cel mai important lucru, mi-am făcut rezerve uriașe de curaj, empatie și iubire de sine, rezerve pe care îmi doresc să le umplu mereu, astfel încât să nu rămână niciodată goale.
🔖 Cred cu tărie că fiecare carte este altfel apreciată și asimilată atunci când este citită la timpul potrivit, iar “Vindecarea epuizării emoționale a femeii” a ajuns în mâinile mele exact când aveam nevoie de o ședință de terapie. Pentru că da, fix așa se simte cartea asta.
💫 Inutil să spun că toate stelele din lume sunt pentru ea!
“Să trăiești conștient, înseamnă să trăiești liber: de fiecare dată când vezi un tipar, îl poți schimba; îți poți crea un mod diferit de a trăi, o realitate diferită - o viață pe care tu o proiectezi, și nu una care te proiectează pe tine.”
“Cu tine fermă pe poziție si ținându-ți partea, vei deține cheia unei surse nelimitate de hrană spirituală și vitalitate; vei deține cheia către tine. Bine ai venit acasă!”
March 6, 2024
A relatively quick read about shifts our thoughts on self-care from sobering else we should do and into boundaries we can put in place to keep us from returning to the emotionally exhausted place.
September 30, 2025
What if self care came from inside, from what we need deep inside. What if we served our needs first and filled our emotional buckets before we fill the needs of our family? This book is a great start to think of a life where we are fulfilled because we dare to care for ourself from the inside out and not only what the self care industry sells to us.
March 12, 2024
I highly recommend this book because it gave me a new way of looking at my life. I needed this perspective at this time in my life. It is okay to let go of my expectations of what my life should me and enjoy what my life is in this moment. Also self-care is billionaire industry and at the same time what I need to take care of myself is internal and doesn’t cost money.
April 6, 2024
I found myself relating to much of what she said. I think it was nice to feel validated in my feelings of being overwhelmed as a mom, wife and more. The author spoke many times about standing in your own shoes and living your authentic true self. I think I would like to read this again in the future to gain a bit more insight.
November 6, 2023
Self care focusing on the inward first before the external. Getting comfortable with yourself. Lots of reminders in here, nothing necessarily groundbreaking. Would recommend to anyone who is ~going through it~ though!
Read
February 15, 2024I'm not sure how to rate this book. It has a lot of good one-liners and has some good insights. It also created a safe space for validation. But it also left me feeling like I have another to-do without a clear path for accomplishing it. Now, I get to be critical of myself for being critical of myself.
Pros for me:
* I appreciated the anecdotes
* It feels good to have someone acknowledge how exhausting it is to overthink everything constantly
* While I enjoy "self-care," it doesn't help the exhaustion go away
* I love the idea of learning how to be at peace with myself and stop the inner critic
Cons for me:
*A lot of the information seemed redundant
* Many generalizations and information are thrown out there without any sources to back it up
* I think some of these feelings or behaviors are more universal than gender-specific and probably cross-culture (I could be wrong, but this is an area where I would've liked to see some citations to back up many of the broad claims)
*There are so many nuances and even social constructs as part of living in a society that push against some of the over-simplified statements about things like being a people pleaser
Pros for me:
* I appreciated the anecdotes
* It feels good to have someone acknowledge how exhausting it is to overthink everything constantly
* While I enjoy "self-care," it doesn't help the exhaustion go away
* I love the idea of learning how to be at peace with myself and stop the inner critic
Cons for me:
*A lot of the information seemed redundant
* Many generalizations and information are thrown out there without any sources to back it up
* I think some of these feelings or behaviors are more universal than gender-specific and probably cross-culture (I could be wrong, but this is an area where I would've liked to see some citations to back up many of the broad claims)
*There are so many nuances and even social constructs as part of living in a society that push against some of the over-simplified statements about things like being a people pleaser
Read
November 30, 2024Pros and cons... I liked the dialogue about how women are typically systemically trained to bury their needs, be selfless, caregiver = value, etc. How we are steered away from our own wants and voice, and encouraged at times in the book to stop and reflect on our experiences that shaped those beliefs. The discussion on "self care" and its shortcomings was also useful and just generally needs to be talked about more.
It did feel narrow in its scope, but I suppose it is for a very specific audience. And littered with over generalization or universalizing everything it mentions as "the women's experience". Which again... related to that specific audience, sure. The advice tended to be very vague and ambiguous, as these books tend to be to speak to a general audience.
It was a very middle of the road experience for me.
It did feel narrow in its scope, but I suppose it is for a very specific audience. And littered with over generalization or universalizing everything it mentions as "the women's experience". Which again... related to that specific audience, sure. The advice tended to be very vague and ambiguous, as these books tend to be to speak to a general audience.
It was a very middle of the road experience for me.
December 27, 2024
This book has the potential to be impactful and help women feel seen. Unfortunately for me, I'm painfully self-aware and a bit rebellious against the patriarchy so this wasn't meant for me.
Note: Quite a few of the male significant others and fathers mentioned in this book (with the examples from different women) suck ... like, they are quite honestly doing more harm than good in these situations.
For people who read this and are wondering if they can still find love - from a strongly opinionated, dramatic, high-maintenance, angry, and needy girly to another, you can find a healthy and happy relationship. Set your standards high and don't ever settle.
Note: Quite a few of the male significant others and fathers mentioned in this book (with the examples from different women) suck ... like, they are quite honestly doing more harm than good in these situations.
For people who read this and are wondering if they can still find love - from a strongly opinionated, dramatic, high-maintenance, angry, and needy girly to another, you can find a healthy and happy relationship. Set your standards high and don't ever settle.
December 6, 2023
Such a great book! Colier explained how women are trained to put other people's needs and feelings before their own. She explained why a to-do list of self-care doesn't really help us feel better. She emphasized that we need to listen to ourselves and validate our own feelings and needs even if we are stuck with them being unfulfilled because of the circumstances we are in. And she said telling the truth is more important than being likable. I think I needed to hear that, and I'm making a mental note to reread this sometime.
September 9, 2024
"It is an extraordinary book, revealing some pieces of the puzzle. The truth is that women nowadays need to learn how to love themselves and take charge of their lives.
I highly recommend this book, even though I have some different opinions. Discovering yourself is an inside-out process, and these two directions should support each other, not exclude one another."
I highly recommend this book, even though I have some different opinions. Discovering yourself is an inside-out process, and these two directions should support each other, not exclude one another."
September 28, 2024
I was surprised by the solid 3-star average for the book and didn't have many high hopes but I was pleasantly surprised. This isn't a field manual of 'how to' per say but, for me, what was discussed really caused me to reflect and look within. I related to a lot of the conditioning that was mentioned. I will re-read this one again in the future.
November 27, 2024
I really wanted this one to be good. I NEEDED this book to be good. I identify as an “emotionally exhausted woman” and desperately needed advice/support on how to get “not exhausted.” Nothing new was offered. Someone without a degree could have wrote this book. Nothing magical or life shattering provided….what a let down….
January 25, 2025
The book asks why are so many women emotionally exhausted? Then it gives countless depressing anecdotes to further exhaust the reader with little meaningful, practical insights or advice. Two stars rather than one because the message though poorly conveyed encourages women to love and respect themselves.
April 15, 2024
A quick read, and I'd say definitely worth it for any woman, or anyone socialized to be in a caretaker role.
It's to the point, and sums up a lot of big ideas, functionally boiling them all down to "listen to your needs", but in a way that is quite helpful.
It's to the point, and sums up a lot of big ideas, functionally boiling them all down to "listen to your needs", but in a way that is quite helpful.
February 11, 2025
Wasn’t very impressed with this book. The entire book basically summarized the struggles women face everyday and pressures of putting others first instead of focusing on yourself…. But not a whole lot of advice on how to change that behavior besides “get to know yourself better” and basically putting up boundaries. It was lacking in the advice category and heavy on the summarizing of issues.
November 12, 2025
The introduction had me curious, but then I felt like this was just a string of anecdotes without tangible advice or takeaways. Stuck it out to the end to see if there was anything solid tucked away in the last chapter but did not find.
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