Create a Life You Love: How to Quiet Outside Voices So You Can Finally Hear Your Own

by Stephanie May Wilson

As women, we're often told that we're entitled or unrealistic when we want to create a life we love. We start hearing this message from a very early age, and by the time we're old enough to know what we want, we've also been taught to doubt our instincts and to see selfishness in all our longings.

This book is the antidote to those voices. . .and the way forward.

Writer, speaker, and podcaster Stephanie May Wilson has helped thousands of women shrug off the pressure of what they think their lives are supposed to look like and take on the next big decision or life transition with intentionality and confidence.

Create a Life You Love is a warm, passionate guide on how you can rediscover your own authority and build a life you're finally excited to live. You'll learn how

Define yourself on your own terms by setting aside societal pressures that tell you who you're supposed to be.Feel empowered to make your next big decisions with confidence and clarity.Build security and peace in both who you are and the season you're in.Through stories, exercises, and hard-won wisdom, Create a Life You Love will help you untangle your own expectations from the expectations of others and get inspired to at last pursue a life that you're excited to wake up to each day.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Christian, Personal Development

232 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 30, 2024

Reviews

[Natalie Ornelas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not finish this book so keep that in mind— maybe it got better at some point. Though this book came recommended, I found it shallow and repetitive, very much “me” centric (I should have guessed by the title alone really). Though the author is a Christian, her mention of God is sparse and sporadic, almost like an afterthought, which I was disappointed by considering this is supposed to be a book about making crucial choices in crucial years of life. E.g., she mentions not wanting to make a choice that will lead her outside of God’s will, and compares this to driving a car without insurance: “It may be fine, or it may be a catastrophe.” This blithe attitude toward pursuing God in the midst of significant crossroads is sad. Even though it can be challenging at times to really feel that you know God’s will for your life, it’s always worth pursuing Him with your whole heart in the midst of decision-making. My hope for this book was that it could be about creating a beautiful life with God, but it was more like pursuing whatever you want with a tagged-on “thanks” to God in the credits. It does get 2 stars instead of 1 because there *is* something to be said about being willing to voice your desires and pursue your dreams, and there were a few parts that contained helpful reminders for me. I was simply disappointed by the approach.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this one! I had never heard of the author, but wow, her values and way of life align wholeheartedly with how I believe we were made to live! Nothing is off the table in this life, and I love the practical steps she laid out to make informed decisions for yourself and your family to create the life you love. So good! 🌸🌺🌼

[Kelsey Diane Barber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you feel like you are playing Tetris with life decisions, but the pieces aren’t always what you want/need at the moment? Welcome to the Everything-era as Stephanie coined it. This season, from 25ish-40ish,where so so many of life’s big decisions are made is hard, fun, exciting, challenging and so much more. Stephanie gives a great run down of this season, what it looks like and great advice for how to face this season with grace. It’s not a rule book for putting together your Tetris board, but it is filled with advice that is so incredibly helpful!
Highly recommend 25-40ish women grab this book and get ready to thrive in your “Everything Era.”

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should have a target audience listed. I found it not relatable at all as I am in my early 40’s and this targets a MUCH younger audience

[Jackie Herrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It’s hard to paint with colors you don’t know exist.” This book brought me so much life as a 27 year old twin mama with a full time job and husband. So often we are following the paths of those before us even if they aren’t the way we want to go. I love how Stephanie reminded us that we get to decide what we want for our lives, bigger/more is not better and we are the ones that need to love our lives, not what we think others would love for us. Thank you so much Stephanie for such an inspirational and actionable read!

[Danielle West · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following Stephanie for years so I was so excited when I heard that she was writing a book! This book exceeded my expectations. Being a woman in your 20s and 30s can be rough. There are so many big decisions that need to be made and it can feel overwhelming. This book was like a breath of fresh air. Stephanie makes you feel seen and less alone. She invites you to create a life that you LOVE and that fits you and your circumstances. It was so encouraging to hear “You get to decide.” I highly recommend that every woman reads this regardless of her age because there is so much wisdom and encouragement within these pages. You will leave feeling inspired and equipped with tools that will help you to truly create a life that you love!

[Abbi Goodyear · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Stephanie May Wilson and this book is totally written in her voice! It’s an amazing book about making the right decisions for your own life, while at the same time learning to not worry about how other people will respond to those decisions. This book is for women in their “everything era” (about 25-35 years old), which is when we make most of our big life decisions and gives lots of practical advice for making big decisions. So helpful!

[Jessica Plugge · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book somewhat confusing. Stephanie has some good and interesting perspectives but they aren’t grounded in the truth of scripture. The author is very vocal about her Christian faith in her podcast and her other books and resources, but the basis of this book doesn’t rely on the truth of God’s Word and the truth of the freedom we have in Jesus. I think she has some helpful ways to look at tough situations and work through them, but overall the book feels very focused on “me” and achievement. Her faith feels somewhat like an afterthought, but I feel like it should guide and direct a lot of these big life decisions.

[Jennifer Weiberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Create A Life You Love… this is something we all want and desire for our lives, yet somehow we struggle to actually achieve this goal. Whether it be because of naysayers or getting in our own way. Stephanie May Wilson has done a superb job of outlining the reasons why we may struggle with this, but also how do we face it and actually get to create a life that we love! Stephanie’s easy writing and nature makes for an enjoyable read or listen. I truly feel like she is sitting next to me having a coffee and we are chatting about our lives. You will not regret this read!

[Katelyn Siple]

With all the warmth and wisdom of a best friend and big sister, Stephanie guides us through the most important decisions of the everything era. Where do I want to live? Am I ready to merry this guy? What's the perfect job for me? Am I ready to be a mom? Stephanie helps us answer these questions with grace and humor along with the experience she gained from her everything era. If you're trying to make big decisions or feel stuck in the everything era--that time in your 20s and 30s when everything feels hard and you're making all of life's most important decisions in front of an audience then this book is definitely for you.

[Kami · Rating 2 out of 5]

This had really good reviews, and I was excited to read it, but it turns out this book wasn't for me. I think it is geared more toward people in their 20s- people who are just starting out in their adult life. I did like the end better than the beginning. My favorite quote- "Just knowing that quitting is an option can be empowering. Only when you realize you can stop, do you have the power to choose to keep going."

[Annapurna Holtzapple]

Honestly this doesn’t really apply to most of my life however got some good tools, treated it as more of a skim after the first few chapters tbh like a “take what serves & leave the rest” sampler — better for a stand alone decision than a life building kit

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Melissa Mooney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing for 20-30s old women who are in what she calls as the “Everything Era”, the time when women make the most important decisions about their lives. It was just what I needed because even though I am supposed to be in the end of this era, I had some fixed health issues. But it has given me some hope that I can make some great decisions even though it happened. And I have faith to start adding to my bucket list again and create a life that I really love.

[R.J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Before you listen to someone, make sure they're headed in a direction you want to go."

Create a Life You Love is a conversational nonfiction that houses lots of nuggets to quiet the judgemental voices we encounter from those closest to us. Stephanie uses personal examples to show how people have directly and indirectly influenced her decisions throughout her life and teaches her readers how to recognize when we involuntarily cling to off-handed remarks that become the foundation of how we live our lives.

Though the book is marketed towards women in their 20s through their 40s, I found a lot of the advice and examples to be centered around women choosing whether or not to get married, have children, remain working, stay at home, etc. and a lot of the personal development conversations were things I learned in my late teens/very early 20s; so I hesitantly say that younger women may get the most out of this book (I'm 27). However, there are still plenty of exercises and helpful reminders for how to navigate the overwhelming voices from friends and family who will always have opinions on how and what you do with your life. So if you're feeling bogged down and stuck between decisions, or you feel like you're trapped in a life you don't want out of fear what your family will say, this is a quick and easy read that offers practical tools to help you "quiet outside voices so you can finally hear your own".

"If someone disagrees with your decision, how they choose to react is a reflection of them; not you."

I do want to add that the first half of the book is primarily story-telling and connection-building, so I almost stopped reading the book because I just don't relate to a lot of the people-pleasing tendencies anymore. So, if you don't relate to the first half of the book, I encourage you to skip to part two, because the second half really does have some helpful tools and you should be able to take something away from the book, no matter your stage in life.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

MY NOTES

1. The "Season" Reality Check
We often feel like failures because we aren't "doing it all." Wilson argues that you have to identify which season of life you are currently in (e.g., a season of rest, a season of hustle, a season of transition). Acknowledge what is actually possible right now rather than comparing your current life to a different season or someone else's highlight reel.

2. The "Right Now" List
Instead of a "Bucket List" for the distant future, focus on what makes you feel alive today. Avoid waiting for a specific milestone (marriage, a promotion, a move) to start being happy. Identify the "small joys" that are accessible to you today and schedule them into your week.

3. Cultivate "Soul-Deep" Friendships
A life you love requires a "village," but many adult friendships are surface-level. Avoid waiting for people to invite you or reach out first. Be the initiator. Practice "low-stakes hospitality"—inviting people into your real, messy life rather than waiting until everything is perfect.

4. Fear is a Compass, Not a Stop Sign
Wilson notes that we often avoid the things we want most because we are afraid of failing or looking silly. View fear as an indicator that something matters to you. Do it "scared." Take the smallest possible step toward the thing you're afraid of.

5. Define Your Own "Success"
Most of our stress comes from trying to meet someone else’s definition of a good life. Strip away the "shoulds." Ask yourself: "If no one was watching and I couldn't post this on social media, would I still want to do it?"

*You don't need a perfect life; you need a life that fits you.

*Like Atomic Habits, this book emphasizes that changing one small rhythm (like your morning coffee routine) can shift your entire outlook.

*You are the architect of your days. If you don't like the "house" you're living in, you have the power to move the furniture.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life is a puzzle, right? There is a right and a wrong way to put the pieces together and a finished product at the end. But life is actually more like a collage that we get to create. We have thousands of colorful photographs at our fingertips, each representing fragments of the life that can be ours. Pictures that inspire us to achieve our goals, fulfill the potential of our personality, and make our own dreams come true!

We get to decide–which pictures we choose to take up residence, how much space we give each one, how those pictures fit together, which are permanent and which are seasonal–all the while curating a masterpiece of life that’s all our own.

Creating a life you love can feel like a paint and sip party where we’re given a cocktail of God, time, luck, your person (wherever they are), and a paintbrush; we just have to wait until they all miraculously come together.

But unless we identify unexamined expectations, we can’t crawl out from under them. They become a giant tangle of yarn–a cacophonous mess with a haphazard menagerie of colors and textures tethered together. The only way to sort through them is to tackle the knot on the table in front of us and pull at the threads until we figure out the source.

Stephanie May Wilson acts as a kind of P.E. coach in guiding readers in determining which decisions would make you Proud (P) and which decisions would make you Excited (E). Emphasizing the Everything Era isn’t easy but it is extraordinary, Stephanie has made it her mission to help other women create lives they love too. When you create a life you love, you’re showing students, sisters, nieces, daughters, goddaughters, and granddaughters who a woman can be and what a woman can do and open up a world of possibilities in a kaleidoscope of myriad hues. Stephanie May Wilson’s Create a Life You Love deserves a constellation!

[Petra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bold & inspiring.
How would you like to live your life?
Stephanie encourages her readers to ask questions about what is usually taken for granted as the way of doing life, with examples from her own life in career, love, and even choosing where to live.
I loved the parts where she poses reflection questions and writing prompts to let readers critically think about the loud voices of their surrounding community and what they genuinely think and want.
It is very helpful that she includes tools when decisions get tough or when dreams are just not coming true. She's very connected to disappointment and the reality of life. As a person who values creativity and authenticity, this book nudged me in the direction of higher self trust and listening to my voice with authority. As a girl who usually gets super hesitant on big (& sometimes medium-sized decisions) the practical step-by-steps are very insightful.
I highly recommend this book to any woman desiring to live with her own values and vision prioritized.
Here are some quotes I loved:

I might not be able to come up with the answers to my big life questions all at once and on command, but I can gain insight little by little, in the shower, during a conversation with a friend, or while watching something on TV. And those little moments of revelation really add up.

This is true about building a beautiful life as well. There's not one right way to do it. There's not one right path...Your experience will be different from those of the other pilgrims, ,but it should because you are different, your circumstances are different, and what you need out of your experiences is different too. Many different roads can lead to a beautiful life-you just have to decide which one is right for you.

[Becca Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Stephanie writes it, I read it.

Stephanie's writing style is easy to take in–conversational, down-to-earth, straight to the heart of things. Not one part of this book felt chatty or aloof to me. It's incredibly practical and human, and as someone literally smack dab in the middle of this book's target audience, left me with real applicable lessons about choosing the right relationships, career, and taking small steps towards living a life that actually feels like me.

I'm someone who tends to waaay overthink and over-spiritualize decisions, so Stephanie's point of treating my life like a collage instead of a straight road was incredibly insightful. This book takes the pressure we and family/peers/friends/culture put on ourselves and makes it so, so much less scary.

Reading this book from a Christian perspective, one may also wonder if this book idolizes happiness or promotes choosing our own path over God's. And while this book wasn't written with a strong Christian overtone, I think it relays the message that when we delight in the decisions God allows us to make and pour love into the lives we're given, it honors Him. We live in a way that increases our joy and increases our thankfulness. Not because we're the center of our own worlds, but because there are tools we have at our disposal (e.g. this beautiful book–don't forget your highlighters) to be bringers of life and joy to ourselves and others. But even if you're not a Christian, I believe this book will still be of immense value to you.

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2024
There’s so much talk over how tumultuous the stage post high school to college graduation is. And the way everyone talks about it, there’s so much pressure to have everything figured out once you graduate college. It’s like there’s a magical button somewhere to do just that. But the stage after college into adult years, say around 25-32ish, THAT’S the stage where you’re making the big shot decisions…decisions that will ripple across the rest of your life and determine your path…and you’re making them all at once. No one talks about that stage, and so there’s so many women who just feel so alone because they think they’re the only ones who don’t have things figured out or who feel overwhelmed in this season.
I’m SO glad that Stephanie May Wilson has started the conversation over this confusing era she’s dubbed The Everything Era. This is a book that every woman can find encouragement in—especially the women who are post-grad, where you’re too old for the college kids but too young to fit into the older 30s adult crowds that fill the adult scene. It’s an awkward era, no doubt, but Stephanie breathes hope with these chapters and reminds us that it’s US who get to choose to create a life WE love. I highly recommend this book to any woman in her Everything Era. Let it bring clarity and hope to their hearts.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have known of Stephanie May Wilson for most of my twenties, if not all. As I write this, I am less than a month away of turning 29 so it has been a good portion. I will read her emails, but have never read her other books and taken her courses until Fall 2023. In her course, I loved how personable and relatable Stephanie May Wilson is. This book has the same tone that her live courses had.

It is a self-help book. It does give you advice, but more in a way that feels like a conversation. Every time I opened this book up, I felt like I ought to be wrapped up in a blanket, on my couch, with a cup of hot tea with Stephanie on the other side. I grew up with three brothers and "girls' night" growing up was my mom and I watching Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn movies. This book, with its conversational style and light touch, made me understand what "girls' night" really is.

Stephanie May Wilson's goal is not to tell you how to create a life you love. It does not give step by step instructions. Instead she encourages you to look within yourself and see what you long for. See what God has planned for you and not what your mom, great aunt, cousin twice removed, that older church lady's plan for your life is.

[Ashley Dyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bumped into Stephanie's books and courses as a young newly graduated single adult moving across the country to a new state for a new job. At this time in my life, I struggled a lot with perfectionism and insecurity, feelings of inadequacy and not measuring up. And this woman met me right where I was. She always says that her dream is to be a flashlight shining backwards on those coming behind her, and boy does she do a good job! And she has inspired me to do the same. 🙂

Stephanie's books and courses helped me connect with God in new ways, taught me to make the most of and love my single life, encouraged me to stop waiting and start living and to partner with God to create a life I loved. And boy have I done that!

I was so excited when this book came out! I pre-ordered it months in advance and since I got it in the mail, it has been so hard to put down! So if you are a woman struggling to make big decisions, battling unexpected challenges, feeling stuck in the periods of waiting in life, or wanting some positive plot twisters to come along in your story, this book is for you! And probably for all the other women in your life (I legit have bought 4 extra copies to give to friends, so yeah! Great gift!). 🥳

[Rachel Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans… We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything.” - Courtney Martin. If you have ever related to any part of this popular quote, then this is a book for you. While being a woman in your 20s or 30s in today’s world is in some ways SO liberating, it can also feel daunting and overwhelming to figure out so many aspects of your life in such a short time. Stephanie’s book is incredibly helpful. It provides practical ways of shifting our thinking around our own and others’ expectations for our life. I find her writing style to be easy to read and concise enough that it feels practical to actually implement these strategies in my own life. If you’re ready to recognize your own power to live your most authentic life but could also use some help sorting out what that really means, this book is a great place to start.

[Michelle Naczi · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When it comes to the important decisions you're facing today, or the big decisions you'll be making next month or next year, you get to decide. You don't have to forfeit things that are good and true about you in an attempt to squeeze yourself into a life you don't actually want to live. Your life should be a beautiful reflection of the woman who chose it. This is your life. You get to decide.”

With these words, Stephanie May Wilson offers her readers the freedom to step away from what their lives are supposed to look like, and walk toward the lives they actually want. She walks you through identifying the pressures and expectations placed on you, and gives you practical tools to decide what you really want from life and how to get it. This book is such a useful companion for making life decisions, both big and small, and it’s written in a fun, familiar, and completely non-judgmental style, which makes it enjoyable to read. I highly recommend it to any and every woman who desires to live a life as unique and beautiful as she is, but needs a little help figuring out how to do that. Help is here!

[AnnMarie Pavese · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Adult lives aren't puzzles to complete — they're collages to create.”

I love, love, love, this book. I’ve been following Stephanie since the very beginning of her podcast so many years ago, and I’ve been so uplifted and encouraged by her words, and by the words of the people she’s invited on to her show. Create a Life You Love is the condensed version of everything Stephanie has ever said to us over the years, and I’m so happy to have it all in one place.

Stephanie’s voice is so kind, so joyful, so hopeful, so approachable, this doesn’t feel like a self-help book. It feels like a warm hug, like a letter from the big sister you never knew you needed. I can already feel my messy adulthood slowly beginning to set itself straight after reading this book, and I feel like such huge and heavy burdens I didn’t realize I had on my shoulders have been lifted. Every woman — not just young women in their Everything Era — need to hear Steph’s words in this book. It will absolutely change your life.

[Miriam Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephanie May Wilson has a way of communicating that feels like a meaningful soul-deep talk with your best friend, all while gracefully dropping truth bombs you didn't know you needed to hear from someone who has already walked the path. This book is packed full of wisdom from a voice that doesn't just tell you to follow a 7 step program, get a good skincare regime, and your life will turn out fine by the time you're 50. Just no. This is a voice of someone who has navigated this season, spoken over us young women who are just trying to gracefully navigate the toughest decades of our lives. The theme that really stood out to me was the constant encouragement to be unafraid and unapologetic in taking ownership of your own life decisions, because it's the way to actually move toward what we most desire in life. Thank you, Stephanie, for writing a beautiful book for all of us women in the "Everything Era"... your efforts, vulnerability, and courage are not lost on us. You've helped us feel courageous, too. 🤍

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since the beginning of her podcast Stephanie May Wilson has been a trustworthy voice as I've navigated life transitions. Each week I have been excited to listen to Stephanie's conversations with women who are living their lives and along the way I have become more confident in myself and the life I have chosen.

I preordered this book and then also got the audiobook when I realized Stephanie narrated it herself! I enjoyed the audiobook but also glad to have the hardcopy - I plan to higlight so many passages, once my friend returns it!

Also, I am so proud (is that weird to say when you don't know someone?) to see how much Stephanie has accomplished over the years. Stephanie's creativity, resilence and resourcefulness as she's navigated her own Everything Era has inspired me. I used to think that life was about doing everything 'right.' Instead, I've learned how to be present, make the most of what I have been given, dream big - and when things don't go as planned, I can decide my next steps.

[Anne Littlepage · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life gives us several diferent choices and directions we can take. A lot of times we are unsure of which path to take and others can also influence our choices. In her book "Create A Life You Love" Stephanie Wilson talks about all of the choices we make such as career, where to live, marriage, having children, and changing directions in our current location and career.
I first discovered Stephanie Wilson through "The Lipstick Gospel" a book for single women navigating their singlehood. She did a great job encouraging women to enjoy their single life, the difficulties they encounter, and to pursue their dreams.
"Create A Life You Love" is written for single, married, and women with children. One way to create a life we love is to find the direction that is the best fit for us. That can be difficult when other people want us to follow their path. I thought the book had more chapters written for the choices that married women with children make.
This book is great for anyone who feels stuck or is questioning a choice or decision.

[Ashleigh Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many decisions to make.

Simple, everyday decisions, like what we’ll wear and eat. And not so simple ones, like if we want to spend the rest of our life with someone (if so, who), if we want to leave our hometowns (if so, where we’ll go), and if we want children (if so, how many and when).

Being a pathological people pleaser, I’ve given my voice and opinion away over and over again. Or as Steph puts it, my authority and creativity.

Stephanie May Wilson has shaped decisions I’ve made over many years. When she announced this book, I couldn’t purchase it fast enough, even though I had to wait months for it to arrive.

Create A Life You Love gets to the nitty gritty of how woman can break free of the chains of expectation, get inspired to dream their “dream life”, and practical ways to move in that direction.

I will reread this book the rest of my life.

It’s one thing to navigate the Everything Era. It’s entirely different to know you aren’t doing it alone. I can’t recommend this book enough, sister.

[Corianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a girl who has the tendency to judge a book by the cover, I've gotta say the graphics & title are such a solid start AND I hope you don't stop there!

Living in the midst of my "Everything Era" this is a book I've loved from cover to cover. Stepping into a bestie/big sister role just as she is known to do in her podcast, courses & prompted journals... for those in her Girls Night community, you’ll find a balance of familiarity & novelty, new stories mixed with the familiar ones, a dash of history, and a good dose of real talk & practical application!

I can hardly wait to share this with my friends and family in all of their various, unique, beautiful ... ok and let's be brutally honest ... CHALLENGING experiences through their 20s, 30s & transitions.

Whether you're ready to take action in everyday life ASAP or looking for a leisure read with solid gems to keep in your back pocket for the rainiest of days... if you're living through or anticipating transitions in your life, this book is for you!