Schopenhauer's Porcupines: Intimacy And Its Dilemmas: Five Stories Of Psychotherapy

by Deborah Anna Luepnitz

The classic compilation of psychological case studies from a master clinician and lyrical writer.

Each generation of therapists can boast of only a few writers like Deborah Luepnitz, whose sympathy and wit shine in her fine, luminous prose. In Schopenhauer's Porcupines, she recounts five true stories from her practice, stories of patients who range from the super-rich to the destitute, who grapple with panic attacks, psychosomatic illness, marital despair, and sexual recklessness.

Intimate, original, and triumphantly funny, Schopenhauer's Porcupines goes further than any other book in illuminating "how talking helps."

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Psychoanalysis, Mental Health, Counselling, Philosophy, Psychiatry

288 pages, Paperback

First published March 27, 2002

Reviews

[Sergei Moska · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can easily see someone giving this five stars. Here's my quick run-down of the pros and cons:

PROS:
-the writing is very accessible and engaging, yet not condescending
-this is a great account of the experience of the actual practice psychotherapy from the perspective of the (an) analyst
-Luepnitz effectively intersperses interesting and useful bits of theoretical information throughout the text. If you pay attention, you'll know more about some technical elements of psychotherapy after having read the text. She manages to convey the information painlessly - no small task
-probably inspirational to many people
-will probably get you excited about the power of communication as therapeutic in itself

CONS: (actually, CON:)
This is implicitly a pro-psychoanalysis book. But as the author (to her credit) clearly explains near the beginning, there is a deep selection bias in her choice of cases. This is necessarily the case, since pissed-off former patients probably wouldn't be inclined to sign a release form to have the gist of their stories included in the book. The problem is that we don't see any of the cases in which Luepnitz failed to help her patients. Is her brand of therapy valuable? We can't know if we only see positive cases.

There are three reasons that I can see to be skeptical about the value of what Luepnitz is doing. The first is an extension of the "only positive cases" point: Luepnitz' approach is not compared to null cases (maybe people just get better with time, even without any therapy) or other approaches to therapy (e.g.: cognitive-behavioral therapy).

The second is that some of the associations the Luepnitz makes seem incredibly dubious. To put it bluntly, while I believe that she is sincere, it reads like she just makes things up when she's with a client. That's not necessarily harmful, and it may even be helpful. Maybe she really is helping by getting the clients to form associations which (1)allow them to express themselves and/or (2)construct an empowering narrative that allows them to cope and get past problems. If that's the case, then an astrologer or tarot card reader would do just as well.

Third, it's not at all clear how this approach could be falsified. Many of these clients take many years before they make clear progress toward mental health. What would it take for Luepnitz to say "Okay, my method is invalid?" It seems that she could always excuse any failure with "He needs more time", or "He's just repressing, which means that he needs even more sessions". To my knowledge, other approaches to therapy are better at specifying the "failure conditions" of their method, and this makes them less suspect.

If, however, you think that a Luepnitz-like approach to therapy is defensible - and many very smart people think it is - this will definitely be a feel-good book for you. You'll really enjoy it.

[Kasandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really nice book for practicing therapists. I'm a social worker practicing as a therapist in a community mental health agency - meaning, working exclusively with the Medicaid population. Often times, when I read something on therapy praxis from the psychoanalytic perspective (*cough*Yalom*cough*) it's just way too bougie to feel applicable to my caseload. However, I was surprised to find this Luepntiz text doesn't give the same impression. For example, I about !@#$ my pants when I read that Luepnitz used to work in a psych hospital for less than 9$ an hour. Yes, it was decades ago, but that really put into perspective that Luepnitz DID have experience working in a difficult agency with tough, large caseloads and little compensation. Her work with "Emily" really touched me as it felt very very much like what I try to do, although I confess I can't imagine having the same client for over 6 years! I agree with other reviewers that at time's the author's poetic license with client report waxes unbelievable, but I think she conveys the relevant thematic content. Overall a very worth while read.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Personally I think it's impossible to read this book without becoming struck by how emotional all of these stories are. Dr. Lueopnitz writes like a novelist who is intricately aware of human suffering. She discusses psychoanalytic theory in a way that is understandable to all, and embraces the experience of the subjectivity of the analyst. Brilliant, I look forward to reading it all again.

[Harry · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a profound challenge to share the mysteries and miracles of psychotherapy. In five narratives of long-term therapies, Deborah Anna Luepnitz sheds light on the slow and deep processes involved, for both therapist and patient.
Utilizing the narrative of Schopenhauer's porcupines, she invites us to deeply connect with our own comfort zones and limits, with our own experience of both distance and intimacy.
This personal and accessible book affirms the value and uniqueness of psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Ahead of her times, perhaps (this book was published in 2002), the author weaves and incorporates feminism, human rights and issues of inclusivity into themes that are both individual and collective. Ultimately, she reminds us that our re-connection with our wholeness is both possible and worthwhile. Her patients return to the world feeling safer, and kinder and more comfortable with who they are, more able to love themselves and to love others and to share that emergent goodness with the world.

[Mad Hab · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant!
even bette than Yalom, much more better.
and Yalom is good, very good :)

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

fire

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went into this one as psychoanalysis-curious and, post-read, dare I come out as a believer in the approach??? MAYBE!!!
This book is excellent. Luepnitz writes like a novelist, and she presents her stories in an approachable (nothing unnecessarily complex!!), knowledgable (but she is clearly a sophisticated intellectual!!), compassionate (it's very clear that she honors, respects, and values her patients' dignity), and humble (the woman is funNY!!!) manner. There's something that's just... heart-wrenchingly beautiful about a successful psychoanalysis course of treatment; I don't know what it is!! I feel these stories can just be rife with meaning, thoughtfulness, symbolism, and care-- something about the technique feels aesthetically lovely to me?? Art-like, or even romantic, in a way??? IDK what I am saying but I do know that I REALLY like this book and i'm kind of becoming a dynamic apologist, and I think I'm okay with that. (Although I WILL say I'm still not totally sold-- there's some weird early-childhood and dream stuff in here that feels a bit "wooly" to me (as Hermione might say. Side note: psychoanalysis to science is the divination to magic. i'm reading HP3 atm and it's on the brain.))
Five stories in this book. Each listed below with its own rating!
Same Bed, Different Dreams: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Favorite quotation: "I reminded them that change didn't move in straight lines, and that they might need to cycle through this issue a few more times."
Christmas in July: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Favorite quotation: "The story of the Good Samaritan is not, as I had vaguely recalled, one of selfless, endless, availability, 'like the twenty-four hour store.' The biblical passage suggests the ethical possibility, even the ethical necessity of doing a finite amount, engaging others to help, and then moving on."
Don Juan in Trenton: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Favorite quotation: "The fact is that our very theories of human development and therapeutic change are themselves political. As soon as we begin sorting out behaviors that are 'pathological,' 'crazy,' or 'immature,' we are revealing parts of a worldview."
A Darwinian Finch: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Favorite quotation: "Lacanians emphasize the trouble caused by a lifetime of searching for ourselves in a place external to us (either the physical mirror or the approving gaze of others). No one else can tell us who we 'really are.' Even the physical object we call a mirror deceives by reversing right and left... we spend our energies figuring out whose recognition counts-- which mirror to consult and how to read the images we discover. Some people are drawn to trick mirrors."
The Sin Eater: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Favorite quotation: "To choose solitude freely, to love and engage fully-- both are capacities to be desired. Herein lies the work of the talking cure."

[Jafar · Rating 3 out of 5]

A troop of porcupines is milling about on a cold winter's day. In order to keep from freezing, the animals move closer together. Just as they are close enough to huddle, however, they start to poke each other with their quills. In order to stop the pain, they spread out, lose the advantage of commingling, and begin to shiver. This sends them back in search of each other, and the cycle repeats as they struggle to find a comfortable distance between entanglement and freezing.

The book has a cool title and an interesting fable from Schopenhauer quoted on the cover. Luepnitz can draw you into her case studies with her prose, but not all the presented cases are thought-provoking or about the contradictions between the desire for intimacy and the desire for solitude and independence. As a psychoanalyst, she sprinkles her case studies with quotes from Freud and Winnicott and talks to her patients about resolving their supposed Oedipus complex or interpreting their dreams, etc. (I was pleased not to read her telling anyone about their castration anxiety.) Psychotherapy can work by simply having someone with good common sense listen to your problems and suggest a few things. If this book proves anything, it’s how actually irrelevant all the concepts and methods of psychoanalysis are to the process of talk therapy.

Psychoanalysis can always be amusing, especially their interpretation of dreams. This from a case study about a couple in which the wife insists on having a second child but the husband doesn’t want it: Luepnitz asks the man to tell her about his dreams. He says: Last night I had a dream that I had bought a Walkman. Her interpretation? It means, “Walk, man!”

[Victoria Kholomyansky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Simply a 3/5 because I believe aspects of this read including phrasing and general vernacular were slightly pretentious. I also believe while the work of a psychologist is to analyze, Dr. Luepnitz did a very thorough, at times one may even see too thorough of a job analyzing her patients in these stories. Frequently the human psyche has reason behind actions, thoughts, behaviors, at times… I truly believe it does not.

However, as the last sentences of the book raised goosebumps on my arms recalling the whole purpose of the book and Schopenhauer’s porcupine dilemma… To imply that those who retain internal warmth often don’t push others away or self-isolate, but rather bask in their radiated heat whether accompanied or not, boy did that resonate with me.

I find myself deeply drawn and intrigued in the clinical psychology field yet again, drawn to the idea of the changes I could make myself, to the impact my patients could experience, and how different would my therapy style look?

Good read overall.

[Daniel Trujillo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came into this book expecting the stories would be more centered on psychoanalysis (sidenote: a diferent book specifically about psychoanalysis referenced this "Schopenhauer's Porcupines" as a text worth reading for those interested in analysis), but it seemed to be more traditional therapy that was simply analytically informed. These were therapy cases with an analytic perspective perhaps, while I was hoping for analysis cases. Maybe the line between the two is more blurred than I realize.

In any case, it was still an entertaining read, particularly the fourth and fifth patient stories. I would have loved to learn more details of these cases or a more detailed account of what a session with these patients looked like from beginning to end.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Luepnitz tells five stories of patients she has worked with in therapy. All are resounding successes, though all come from wildly different backgrounds. Luepnitz is a traditional Freudian therapist and that bothered me at first. But as I read on, I could see Luepnitz seems to use traditional Freudian techniques to read a patient, much like I read the characters in a book. It was a fascinating read, watching as patients became more and more forthcoming with their problems and difficulties. Do all people, even the most psychologically healthy, have secrets? How is it that some people deal with the world despite their secrets and others fail to do so? What do therapists do to help patients become healthier? How can these techniques be brought into common usage in all relationships? These were questions I thought about as I read.

Schopenhauer tells the story of porcupines and their need for warmth as a metaphor for people and their need for love. Porcupines are cold and approach other porcupines for warmth. As the porcupine gets closer and closer, he gets warmer and warmer, but it also becomes more and more painful for the porcupines and the porcupines began to move apart. Some porcupines, Schopenhauer notes, have so much internal warmth that they have little need for other porcupines.

[Mani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprisingly engaging and entangling!

The storytelling and descriptions are not less, not more, than what makes the rhetoric cohesive and captivating to the reader, just at the perfect level. No matter who the character was, or what their story was, I’ve empathized over and over with what characters think or feel, their fears and their justifications. I’ve been excited to the greatest extent, as their story unravels, as if I was actually their psychotherapist( or the patient itself) connecting all these dots with their(or psychoanalyst) help.

It has also enlightened me by debunking some of the common myths I had acquired about psychoanalytic concepts, by putting them in context, rather than abstract idle ideas. I would strongly recommend this to anyone who finds grappling with how human psyche works stimulating. One point, the book keeps getting better as the chapters advance, so be a little patient if the first few chapters disappoint you a little bit. I feel like I know more about myself or at least have more tools to analyze different aspects of my thoughts and emotions by reading this book.

[Andrew Feist · Rating 5 out of 5]

Luepnitz combines compelling story-telling with edifying insight unlike any other writer. Of course there are other good psychotherapy short story books, like Yalom's. Luepnitz's style is distinct and moving to the point I was reluctant to finish the book and will have to re-read it in a few months once the details have faded from my memory. Each story pulled me into feeling connected and caring about the patient(s), and eager to know what would happen next. The fact that they're true made them all the more engaging. The theme of intimacy and relationships is done so incredibly well; each story shows a vastly different side of this human dilemma. From couples work, to kids, to single adult life, over and over, Luepnitz brings the core dilemma home, that being close to others is both enriching and challenging. She brings in theoretical explanations not as the center piece, but to bolster the story, adding depth and insight into a deeply humanistic and particularist view of her characters. Recommend to anyone interested in psychotherapy or relationships.

[Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid 3. I liked it, but wasn't struck by it being something amazing. The author, Deborah, is a psycho-analyst, so all the stories are about psychotherapy. I think talk therapy can be immensely helpful to some people, but it would have been nice if there had been just one case where it turned out that it didn't help. I feel like this book paints a very rosy picture of her work.

Still, an engrossing read. Although my life has not been nearly as difficult as some of the clients discussed in the book, I took some good points away. I could definitely see bits of myself in some of the characters.

The writing style was pretty easy to follow once I got past the introduction. If you're having trouble getting past the intro, try just skipping it. You can always return to it at the end, which is what I did. Still found it much less interesting than the case studies, but at least I could get through it.

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Schopenhauer's Porcupines: Intimacy and Its Dilemmas, Deborah Luepnitz presents the theories, intricacies, failings and victories of the analytic process of psychotherapy as she relates the case histories of five diverse patients/subjects. Although her target audience may ultimately be students of psychoanalysis, Luepnitz describes the process of the "talking cure" without pretensions. Even the reader without a background in psychology will find her stories compelling and her analysis easy to understand.

There is something in each of the five case studies that most readers will be able to identify with. Even more interesting than the subjects' various challenges with balancing intimacy with independence in their personal relationships, are Luepnitz's revelations and insights.

[Hanan AL-Raddadi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading the stories in the book, I remembered a wonderful quote from the tv show “in treatment” in which Paul Weston’s therapist tell him: “At certain point you have to move past the stories that you've assigned to your life, these steadfast explanations you've settled on. You have to look at yourself again for real answers. You have to take that risk.”
In away, therapy IS about examining your own story and it is not a simple task. I loved the book very much, and I loved how the stories keep getting better and more detailed with each chapter. My favorite of them all is the one titled "A Darwinian Finch”

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very telling. People, like porcupines, are in need of close relationships in order to truly thrive BUT ... how close should those relationships be before one feels the prickle and runs away? And what of those relationships that are comforting and prickly at the same time? How do people reconcile those dilemmas? The answer to that is different for everyone; this book explores the answers that 5 people discover through psychotherapy. This book is so very interesting and detailed. Highly recommended, especially for those in a contemplative mood.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely insightful, thoughtful, and informative. Dr. Luepnitz walks the reader through 6 stories centered on different patients to illuminate the healing powers of talk therapy and show modern psychodynamic techniques in practice. Told through a narrative, story-like style, “Schopenhauer’s Porcupines” is a thought-provoking read if you are interested in talk therapy, either participating or practicing.

[Ryan Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it. 4 Stars.

Again this book and author, re-familiarized myself with some great authors and intellectuals that I voraciously read when younger, which i need to re-read now that the ravages of memory loss will make them and their theories new again.

A must read.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read in a long time

I chose this book to expand my professional horizons but found personal benefit in every story—both entertainment from the author’s beautiful, smart, and engaging prose, and insight from her deep and broad clinical knowledge and experience.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best popular depiction of psychotherapy that I've ever read: it's intelligent, compassionate, realistic, and well-written. The five case studies really do read like stories.

[Designated Hysteric · Rating 5 out of 5]

In his 1851 collection of miscellaneous essays and texts, titled Parerga and Paralipomena, Schopenhauer supplies us with a rather brief but potent fable:

On a cold winter’s day a community of porcupines huddled very close together to protect themselves from freezing through their mutual warmth. However, they soon felt one another’s quills, which then forced them apart. Now when the need for warmth brought them closer together again, that second drawback repeated itself so that they were tossed back and forth between both kinds of suffering until they discovered a moderate distance from one another, at which they could best endure the situation. – This is how the need for society, arising from the emptiness and monotony of our own inner selves, drives people together; but their numerous repulsive qualities and unbearable flaws push them apart once again. The middle distance they finally discover and at which a coexistence is possible is courtesy and good manners. In England, anyone who does not stay at this distance is told: ‘Keep your distance!’ – Of course by means of this the need for mutual warmth is only partially satisfied, but in exchange the prick of the quills is not felt. – Yet whoever has a lot of his own inner warmth prefers to stay away from society in order neither to cause trouble nor to receive it.

Here we are able to observe that Schopenhauer was not concerned solely with the problem of intimacy but with social dynamics as a whole. However, Freud thereafter exploited and popularized this little tale for its first section alone, which Luepnitz harnesses in this work, centering it as an effective metaphor through which she is able to exhibit and explore 5 fascinating therapy cases of dysfunctional intimacy. What makes this book stand out amidst the plethora of "psychotherapy-story-hour" books is the fact that Luepnitz is eager to employ Lacanian psychoanalytic theory in practice, which is exceedingly peculiar but undeniably appreciated. Furthermore, Luepnitz is quite politically conscious and clearly erudite. Indeed, an eminently digestible and theoretically sensible volume.

[Nāzanīn · Rating 3 out of 5]

*3.5

This an enjoyable book to read, especially if you are a practicing psychodynamic psychologist/psychoanalyst, as you may relate to the content, the dilemmas, and the theories that are linked to each of these five stories of engagement in psychotherapy.

I appreciated the author's vulnerability and reflections on her approach to therapy, experiences of countertransference, and the ebbs and flows involved in the therapeutic process. I also had respect for her normalisation to return to seeking support through supervision regularly, even once she had discontinued the consistent weekly or highly frequent engagement. I think she also shed light on the huge responsibility that it is, to sometimes, walk alongside someone for years as they rewrite their narrative and make meaning from their life experiences. It certainly is a privilege to be able to accompany patients on this journey, however, Deborah was able to highlight how important space and self-care are too, in order to be able to sustain being in this profession long-term (e.g. when she finds herself fantasising about leaving town, moving to a different city, and realises that she just needed a holiday away from being a full-time psychologist!). I quite liked her value of being aware of not subconsciously imposing certain societal norms/goals upon patients (e.g. her patient E's relationship preferences in the final chapter), being inclusive, and aware of subconscious biases around race, gender, religion... and so on.

The reason why I've rated it as 3.5 is that it is not a book that I would pick up again, or re-read anytime in the future. I think it would have been fantastic and perhaps a 4.5* during it's time; when it was published in 2002.

[Carson Thatcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Schopenhauer’s Porcupines: Intimacy and its Dilemmas is a beautifully rewritten collection about some of Luepnitz’s former clients, highlighting the delicate balance of human relationships and connections. The cases read like interesting short stories, packed with details, quotations, and valuable insight from Luepnitz’s clinical and psychoanalytic experience.

The book covers a wide range of human experience related to relationships and intimacy, including sexual orientation, mental illness, parenting, family conflict, sexual abuse, and more. The cases include individual, family, and couples therapy. Just to scratch the surface of the therapeutic work, Luepnitz’s tellings highlight the use of psychoanalytic elements with clients, the value of dreams as psychological insight, and the role of concepts, such as projective identification. An additional element worth mentioning is Luepnitz’s close attention to transference and countertransference, as she provides details into her own feelings and experiences with each client. After all, the link between client and therapist is also a relationship that requires balances of intimacy and connection.

I highly recommend this book for therapists, psychology students, or anyone with an interest in examining relationships with a psychological lens. For any of the above, the case studies provide an opportunity for self-reflection, understanding into one’s own relationships, and learning about the therapeutic process.

[Kelly Huang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the perspective of an analyst about actual patient sessions. It feels a bit like Esther Perels podcasts where you witness the patients stories, how the analyst guides the discussion. What’s different here are a couple things:
- the sessions can be very long term (multiple years).
- there is often analysis in how your childhood, your family history impacts you
- she interweaves analysis from thinkers in that field to describe how that applies to the case
- there is also discussion on counterference (how the analyst’s feelings are involved and may interfere in each case)

I enjoyed the book! One thing I really appreciated is having a better sense of what makes a good analyst and the merits of this field. I started the book feeling that any sensible person who cares about you and willing to talk to you will do. But by the end of the book, I also see what are things a good analyst can uniquely help you do.

[Valerie Trewick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately I read this after I read “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” and therefore couldn’t help but compare the two while reading. Despite both authors approaching psychotherapy from a similar theoretical orientation (Gottlieb was giving me psychodynamic while Luepnitz gave psychoanalytic) this book pales in comparison to Gottlieb’s.

I could chalk it up to Maybe You Should Talk to Someone using more modern language, wit and humor, or my own personal resistance to psychoanalytic frameworks, who knows. I still think this is a good, thought provoking book, but both the author’s voice and the client stories fell flat to me. The Darwinian Finch chapter is doing a lot of heavy lifting for this book and would be the only reason I’d recommend to anyone else, regardless of if they work in this field or not.

[Turquoise Brennan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wildly interesting 5 different case studies that spent time delving into the meat of years of sessions with particular patients in talk therapy and the power of talk therapy over meds. The power of confronting our habits that don't serve us well as adults but may have protected us from our traumas as children. The porcupine analogy is such a strong one for all relationships - relationships need space and love in healthy doses.

[MK LaFs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this read. I thought a lot about most of the stories and the different clients. I was especially interested in the story of the young orthodox girl with diabetes and the last story of Emily. I liked the porcupine analogy. We are all porcupines wanting to get close but also spreading out due to our prickly parts- constantly coming back together and pulling away again.

[Pragya · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Johanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Varm, mänsklig och betydligt mer inspirerande än kurslitteraturen