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The Xenophobe's Guide
The Xenophobe's Guide to the Scots
Highlights the unique character and behavior of the nation. Frank, irreverent, funny--almost guaranteed to cure Xenophobia.
102 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 1999
10 people are currently reading
103 people want to read
About the author
David Ross
51 books4 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
David Sutherland Ross is a fully fledged member of that well-established species, the Scottish literary exile. Born in Oban, Argyll, he was removed at an early age to his ancestral county of Ross and Cromarty, where he grew up and went to school. Furnished with a little knowledge about all sorts of things thanks to a Scottish education, he migrated to London expecting to become a journalist, but became a publisher instead.
Having learned from blurb-writing how to represent a tangle of ill-assorted elements and random events as a unified whole, he realised he was eminently qualified to write the history of Scotland, and produced Scotland: History of a Nation. Nowadays, as chairman of a small Scottish-based publishing company, he combines publishing with writing and the compilation of anthologies, including Awa’ and Bile Yer Heid, a collection of Scottish insults and invective. Although he enjoys it all immensely, sometimes he wonders whether it isn’t too late to try something completely different, like utilising his ability to do water-divining; or perhaps opening a beach restaurant in Bali.
His favourite place in Scotland is the summit of Ben Venue; his favourite Scottish food, new-baked scones with raspberry jam; his favourite Scottish book, The Scottish National Dictionary, and his favourite Scottish phrase, “Just a sensation.”
David Sutherland Ross is a fully fledged member of that well-established species, the Scottish literary exile. Born in Oban, Argyll, he was removed at an early age to his ancestral county of Ross and Cromarty, where he grew up and went to school. Furnished with a little knowledge about all sorts of things thanks to a Scottish education, he migrated to London expecting to become a journalist, but became a publisher instead.
Having learned from blurb-writing how to represent a tangle of ill-assorted elements and random events as a unified whole, he realised he was eminently qualified to write the history of Scotland, and produced Scotland: History of a Nation. Nowadays, as chairman of a small Scottish-based publishing company, he combines publishing with writing and the compilation of anthologies, including Awa’ and Bile Yer Heid, a collection of Scottish insults and invective. Although he enjoys it all immensely, sometimes he wonders whether it isn’t too late to try something completely different, like utilising his ability to do water-divining; or perhaps opening a beach restaurant in Bali.
His favourite place in Scotland is the summit of Ben Venue; his favourite Scottish food, new-baked scones with raspberry jam; his favourite Scottish book, The Scottish National Dictionary, and his favourite Scottish phrase, “Just a sensation.”
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
August 25, 2013
I was sitting at the AirTime cafe in Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland when I noticed a series of books on chains hanging on the wall, one of which was the Xenophobe's Guide to the Scots. Given that I married a Scot, I couldn't help but take a look. I was caught right away,so much so that I immediately went online and bought the book for Kindle so I could keep reading! It was a quick read of just a few hours, during which I tortured my poor Aberdonian husband by reading nearly the entire thing out loud to him in snippets. It's a compliment to the author that some of the things made my husband smile (. . .like a terrier) while other things had him positively laughing out loud (You'll have had your tea. . .), but he agreed that everything was absolutely true! An entertaining read for anyone with a Scots connection. I highly recommend. :-)
January 9, 2012
"Whisky is by far Scotland's biggest export, despite determined efforts by many Scots to consume the whole output." p.39
Xenophobe's Guide to the Scots is better than the English-Guide, but not as hilarious as the Irish-Guide. Nevertheless, a very funny read that points out all the clichés about the Scots. Though it does state some interesting facts as well. Definitely a quick and entertaining read for travel research before the journey and probably just as amusing after having been there.
Xenophobe's Guide to the Scots is better than the English-Guide, but not as hilarious as the Irish-Guide. Nevertheless, a very funny read that points out all the clichés about the Scots. Though it does state some interesting facts as well. Definitely a quick and entertaining read for travel research before the journey and probably just as amusing after having been there.
March 30, 2016
Definitely worth a read. I came across many factoids that I already know, but found explanations for equally as many things that suddenly appeared as "things" in the book, things I hadn't thought about before. It's wonderfully witty, good fun to read for Scots as well as anyone who wants to learn more about the folk from up there.
September 10, 2012
Desi usor comerciala, o lectura antrenanta si deosebit de amuzanta. Din pacate, traducatorul, desi a facut in general o treaba buna, a dovedit pe alocuri o intelegere mult prea superficiala a culturii scotiene.
May 9, 2020
Despite the terrible cover, this book is excellent.
Like the author, I am a Scot who's spent most of his life abroad and I think that makes us particularly observant of our homeland and its people.
When I started reading it I kept saying to myself "These generalisations are so out of date," but I'm not sure I'm right about that. Initially it felt like a lightweight book that had been churned out to sell to tourists (it's part of a series that includes guides to Russia, Japan, Australia, Estonia and all sorts of other places); but the more I got into it the more I appreciated it. It's full of wry observations and comments about the Scots that are very close to the bone.
There are no chapters in this short book (86 pages) but there are many short sections like Sense of Humour, Eating and Drinking, Custom and Tradition, Clans, Tribalism, Kilts and Tartans, Nessie and Obsessions ("One of the first thing visitors notice is that the Scots are obsessively Scottish.")
It reaches a kind of intellectual crescendo towards the end of the book when he talks about cultural and political affairs, and the sections on Scottish music and literature are particularly good.
A quote from the Scottish Music section (p72):
"The fiddle, the piano accordion and the bagpipe form the basis of Scottish music...The Scots have invented a form of music all their own, the 'great music' of the pibroch played solo on the bagpipes. Composed according to strict rules of form and structure, it is the supreme test of a piper and annual championships are held."
In short, it's a damn good book and I'm glad I came across it in my street library (a little wooden box on Teviotdale Place, Edinburgh), to where I will return it soon.
If only it had a better cover (the publishers should look at Canva, an online app where anyone can produce a graphic design by just adapting the templates they have available) I would buy a job lot and hand them out for Christmas.
Like the author, I am a Scot who's spent most of his life abroad and I think that makes us particularly observant of our homeland and its people.
When I started reading it I kept saying to myself "These generalisations are so out of date," but I'm not sure I'm right about that. Initially it felt like a lightweight book that had been churned out to sell to tourists (it's part of a series that includes guides to Russia, Japan, Australia, Estonia and all sorts of other places); but the more I got into it the more I appreciated it. It's full of wry observations and comments about the Scots that are very close to the bone.
There are no chapters in this short book (86 pages) but there are many short sections like Sense of Humour, Eating and Drinking, Custom and Tradition, Clans, Tribalism, Kilts and Tartans, Nessie and Obsessions ("One of the first thing visitors notice is that the Scots are obsessively Scottish.")
It reaches a kind of intellectual crescendo towards the end of the book when he talks about cultural and political affairs, and the sections on Scottish music and literature are particularly good.
A quote from the Scottish Music section (p72):
"The fiddle, the piano accordion and the bagpipe form the basis of Scottish music...The Scots have invented a form of music all their own, the 'great music' of the pibroch played solo on the bagpipes. Composed according to strict rules of form and structure, it is the supreme test of a piper and annual championships are held."
In short, it's a damn good book and I'm glad I came across it in my street library (a little wooden box on Teviotdale Place, Edinburgh), to where I will return it soon.
If only it had a better cover (the publishers should look at Canva, an online app where anyone can produce a graphic design by just adapting the templates they have available) I would buy a job lot and hand them out for Christmas.
February 3, 2022
Another amusing xenophobe's guide. Doesn't mention the many, many redheads, though, or does it and I just missed it?
Anyway, it counterbalanced the somewhat dark "Shetland" TV crime series I've been watching these days. Great atmosphere (the music!), beautiful and powerful scenery, believable characters, and I just love the accent!
Anyway, it counterbalanced the somewhat dark "Shetland" TV crime series I've been watching these days. Great atmosphere (the music!), beautiful and powerful scenery, believable characters, and I just love the accent!
April 1, 2013
This is quite an old edition of this book which has been hanging about on my bookshelves for some years since my English husband bought it for me (I'm a Scot). I read it when I first got it but remembered very little about it so thought I'd read it again when I came across it during a book purge.
I felt that it got a lot right about we Scots - and as I've been living in England for nearly 26 years I probably fall into the category of exiles who get teary-eyed over Scots folk songs but haven't been "home" for years. The edition of the book I own seems to have come out in 2004 and a lot has changed in that time, so it would be interesting to have a look at a more recent edition and see what the author thinks the changes are.
The book is quite focused on the Glasgow-Edinburg rivalry and says little about other towns and cities. I was quite disappointed to find no mention of the Doric dialect of the North East in the section regarding language.
All in all though I found this an interesting and humorous look at the Scots and recognised a lot of myself and my fellow countrymen and women in it.
I felt that it got a lot right about we Scots - and as I've been living in England for nearly 26 years I probably fall into the category of exiles who get teary-eyed over Scots folk songs but haven't been "home" for years. The edition of the book I own seems to have come out in 2004 and a lot has changed in that time, so it would be interesting to have a look at a more recent edition and see what the author thinks the changes are.
The book is quite focused on the Glasgow-Edinburg rivalry and says little about other towns and cities. I was quite disappointed to find no mention of the Doric dialect of the North East in the section regarding language.
All in all though I found this an interesting and humorous look at the Scots and recognised a lot of myself and my fellow countrymen and women in it.
February 3, 2016
Три года назад я познакомилась с этой серией благодаря исландцам, и давеча озадачившись очередным ходом в книжном путешествии, решила пообщаться еще и с шотландцами.
Что скажу – вышло коротко, забавно и душевно :) Килты, горцы, кланы, волынки, замки, пабы, фермерство, рыжие бороды, совершенно потрясающий диалект, патриотизм, неприятие соседей и прочие атрибуты в наборе. Шотландцы – отличные ребята со своими небольшими заморочками. Как и все мы.
В каждую главу автор не поленился вставить похабный анекдотец или прибаутку местного (или собственного?) разлива. Я уже заготовила отповедь дяденьке-автору, но в процессе влилась в его манеру сдабривать свой текст шутливыми напевами. Не оценила только попытки классифицировать шотландцев на две надуманные категории согласно поведению, да еще пара пунктов вызывает недоверие (скидка на то, что книжка была написана 15 лет назад).
annikeh.net
Что скажу – вышло коротко, забавно и душевно :) Килты, горцы, кланы, волынки, замки, пабы, фермерство, рыжие бороды, совершенно потрясающий диалект, патриотизм, неприятие соседей и прочие атрибуты в наборе. Шотландцы – отличные ребята со своими небольшими заморочками. Как и все мы.
В каждую главу автор не поленился вставить похабный анекдотец или прибаутку местного (или собственного?) разлива. Я уже заготовила отповедь дяденьке-автору, но в процессе влилась в его манеру сдабривать свой текст шутливыми напевами. Не оценила только попытки классифицировать шотландцев на две надуманные категории согласно поведению, да еще пара пунктов вызывает недоверие (скидка на то, что книжка была написана 15 лет назад).
annikeh.net
December 29, 2012
I love how accurate these guides are. If you're planning on going to Scotland, buy this book, it's great.
September 21, 2013
Very funny while being quite an incisive portrait of a unique people...
January 25, 2018
Much better than the last one I read in the series.
January 1, 2024
The copy I read was dated, nevertheless, what an interesting guide to the Scots and their culture, language, history, humor, literature, education, and more. Well worth the read before travel to Scotland.
September 2, 2017
funny and full of real and interesting facts about habits and history of the Scots :)
September 13, 2018
For such a fascinating topic - it was just soooo bland... I mean, it wasn't bad. A light read with funny moments. I just want to read something... more!
October 23, 2019
3.5 - very enjoyable, humorous read. reminded me of good times in Scotland and why I want to go back :)
October 11, 2023
Funny and informative, would have loved to read even more. Also an updated version would be interesting (Brexit, Independance etc)
October 15, 2024
Definitely pauley well worth reading.
There will be smiles.
There will be smiles.
January 5, 2025
I didn't get that much from this book. Most stuff I was familiar with. The rest seemed a bit unbelievable or nonsensical. An easy read though.
January 22, 2025
În conformitate cu spusele autorului, scoțienii îi împart pe nescoțieni în două categorii:
– Englezii
– Restul lumii
În conformitate cu părerea mea, restul lumii poate fi împărțit în trei categorii:
– Cei care nu au fost niciodată în Scoția (vai, ce trist…)
– Cei care au fost în Scoția și din diverse motive stupide au plecat de acolo (și mai trist…)
– Cei care locuiesc în Scoția (se știu ei, pe unii îi știu și eu, you lucky f…)
…și după primele pagini a devenit evident pentru mine faptul că ghidul lui David Ross le este dedicat celor din prima categorie. Așadar, dacă nu ai călătorit niciodată în Scoția, e bine să cunoști câteva lucruri importante înainte de a ajunge acolo.
De exemplu, este bine de știut că scoțianul și englezul sunt două noțiuni complet diferite. Noi, românii, ne activăm imediat online conștiința națională atunci când cineva ne confundă capitala cu Budapesta. Imaginați-vă cum am reacționa dacă un vizitator prost informat și-ar permite să ne confunde cu bulgarii. Sau cu turcii. Sau cu ungurii. Sau cu oricine. Nu spun că am sări la bătaie (noi nu mai sărim la bătaie din spirit patriotic de prin ’78 încoace, de când Grigore Sandu, ultimul partizan din munți, s-a predat autorităților), dar am face un scandal uriaș pe Facebook or sumthin’, adăugând și steagul României la postare, ca argument final din dragoste de țară.
Ei bine, dacă te afli în Scoția și faci confuzie între scoțian și englez (mai ales dacă ești într-un bar și s-a băut suficientă bere), ți-o iei la propriu, nu scapi doar cu proteste pe internet. Scoțianul adevărat te trosnește. Și pe bună dreptate zic, pentru că nu englezii au dăruit lumii “bicicleta, gazul de iluminat, primul motor cu abur eficient, anvelopa pneumatică, cloroformul, telefonul, televiziunea, penicilina, scannerul cu ultrasunete, parafina, impermeabilul” și atâtea altele, ci scoțienii.
Acestea fiind spuse, recomand cu fermitate acest ghid. Citindu-l, turistul ajuns în Scoția va fi mai informat… și se va întoarce acasă cu dantura întreagă.
– Englezii
– Restul lumii
În conformitate cu părerea mea, restul lumii poate fi împărțit în trei categorii:
– Cei care nu au fost niciodată în Scoția (vai, ce trist…)
– Cei care au fost în Scoția și din diverse motive stupide au plecat de acolo (și mai trist…)
– Cei care locuiesc în Scoția (se știu ei, pe unii îi știu și eu, you lucky f…)
…și după primele pagini a devenit evident pentru mine faptul că ghidul lui David Ross le este dedicat celor din prima categorie. Așadar, dacă nu ai călătorit niciodată în Scoția, e bine să cunoști câteva lucruri importante înainte de a ajunge acolo.
De exemplu, este bine de știut că scoțianul și englezul sunt două noțiuni complet diferite. Noi, românii, ne activăm imediat online conștiința națională atunci când cineva ne confundă capitala cu Budapesta. Imaginați-vă cum am reacționa dacă un vizitator prost informat și-ar permite să ne confunde cu bulgarii. Sau cu turcii. Sau cu ungurii. Sau cu oricine. Nu spun că am sări la bătaie (noi nu mai sărim la bătaie din spirit patriotic de prin ’78 încoace, de când Grigore Sandu, ultimul partizan din munți, s-a predat autorităților), dar am face un scandal uriaș pe Facebook or sumthin’, adăugând și steagul României la postare, ca argument final din dragoste de țară.
Ei bine, dacă te afli în Scoția și faci confuzie între scoțian și englez (mai ales dacă ești într-un bar și s-a băut suficientă bere), ți-o iei la propriu, nu scapi doar cu proteste pe internet. Scoțianul adevărat te trosnește. Și pe bună dreptate zic, pentru că nu englezii au dăruit lumii “bicicleta, gazul de iluminat, primul motor cu abur eficient, anvelopa pneumatică, cloroformul, telefonul, televiziunea, penicilina, scannerul cu ultrasunete, parafina, impermeabilul” și atâtea altele, ci scoțienii.
Acestea fiind spuse, recomand cu fermitate acest ghid. Citindu-l, turistul ajuns în Scoția va fi mai informat… și se va întoarce acasă cu dantura întreagă.
September 10, 2016
Bit out of date but still found myself laughing at the things I recognised. Nice short read.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews