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Ask Outrageously!: The Secret to Getting What You Really Want
Stop Holding Yourself Back-It's Time to Go Ask! The strongest relationships, top sales groups, and most successful organizations have one thing in people who have the courage to ask outrageously. This doesn't mean being obnoxious or taking advantage of people. It means not compromising, taking a risk to get what you know you need, not what you think you can get. Based on Linda Swindling's original research and her experience helping people make high-stakes requests in everything from business negotiations to marriage proposals, this book offers proven approaches to improve your asking and boost your chances of success. Whether you are a professional looking for a bigger opportunity, an entrepreneur striving to build a company, a nonprofit seeking funding, or simply a parent or friend wanting a more fulfilling relationship, it's time to make that big ask! Get ready. Your results will surpass your greatest expectations!
318 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2017
42 people are currently reading
514 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
September 2, 2017
I won this book in a goodreads drawing.
This is a book that teaches you principles of how to ask for something and actually get it. It's like a lot of these books, where the key is really preparation, but the truth gets told over and over again.
This is a book that teaches you principles of how to ask for something and actually get it. It's like a lot of these books, where the key is really preparation, but the truth gets told over and over again.
July 26, 2017
Excellent read. It opened me to new perspectives. I highly recommend it.
May 19, 2019
A main takeaway: the reasons we are told “no” tends to be due to 1) the request is inappropriate or 2) the person being asked doesn’t like, respect or trust the person making the request.
(Not the reasons we tend to think we’re getting a “no,” that aren’t actually common include word choice, gathering more info, timing or funds)
(Not the reasons we tend to think we’re getting a “no,” that aren’t actually common include word choice, gathering more info, timing or funds)
March 11, 2025
Great Advice sprinkled throughout the book. Some of it is common sense but definitely a helpful book. I wanted it to give it a 4 star rating because it could definitely be written in half the pages but overall 3.29 is too little according to me. Informative and helpful overall!
April 1, 2024
I put this book in the category of "self help" and notice that the author has a number of similar type of books about management and decision making and similar. So it seems she finds some business related subject where she thinks there is a gap and plugs it with a book. In the case of "Ask" she seems to have actually gone out with a questionnaire to about 1000 people so she has some hard data. However, as about half the respondents (at least) were on her "subscribers list" then I wonder just how random the final sample was and how representative of the community as a whole. I did notice that it is clearly focused on an American audience and some of the "in your face" requests she suggests might not go over all that well in other societies. I was reminded of a conversation with my Japanese wife once. She had just finished a tricky request from her Japanese boss and she commented to me......."Thankfully, we were speaking in English because I couldn't have made the request in Japanese .....the language does just not allow it". Swindling appears to be totally unaware of such cultural nuances.
On the face of it, hers is a fairly practical and sensible book but it can pretty much be summarised in the phrase: "If you don't ask...you don't get". Or elsewhere, from the bible: seek and ye shall find, he that asketh receiveth, knock and the door shall be opened unto you. All pretty positive and that's the basic message from Swindling. the worst that can happen is that you get a NO. But she also has a bunch of strategies for getting to "Yes". Including; being prepared, having a clear ask, being able to justify the ask, and doing it in person rather than via email where it's easier to say no.
Did we really need a book of this length to make the points. Probably not but it's easy reading and she makes her points well.
Here are a few nuggets that I extracted from the text:
2 Show Up Powerfully
When you know you don’t look the part, be strategic and know your stuff. Understanding the strengths you bring to the table is one of the first ways to increase your power when asking. People downplay their gifts and natural abilities. ...Determine two of your strengths and use them in a conversation with others at least three times.
Example: My job here is to think logically and to check our quality.
If you aren’t being heard or acknowledged when you are in a meeting, stand up. Your voice power will increase and your energy will too. Also, it’s difficult to ignore a person standing while everyone else is seated. If available, walk over to a whiteboard or flip chart
3 The Right Focus
You must be your own advocate and clearly ask for what you want. You can’t hint. You can’t hope someone spots your good efforts.
1. Ask for what you really want.
2. Focus on the person who can help you get it.
Research proves that no matter how much time, money, or energy you invest in improving yourself, it will never be enough. ....People said yes 60 percent of the time. However, when the same person asked, “May I cut in line because …,” people said yes 94 percent of the time. The reason.... following the word “because” didn’t matter. ....Be crystal clear about your desired outcomes when making requests. Know what a win is for you.
There’s a difference between success and perfection. When asking, your goal is success (getting a yes), not perfection. Don’t stall by trying to make your request perfect.
4 What’s in It for Them?
You can prepare your request in great detail but fail to consider benefits for the other party. Ignoring their interests creates unnecessary obstacles. ..You probably have information or services considered very valuable to other people that costs you little or nothing to provide.
He even forwards medical records, police reports, and other documents at no cost, which saves them the time, trouble, and expense of acquiring them formally. Wendel says, “Why not make it easier and quicker for the other side to see you have a clear case up front?
You may choose to ask, “Is this a good time to talk?”—but beware of giving him or her the chance to avoid the conversation. You may need to be bold. ...Create a scenario in which it’s easy to say yes to you. Avoid creating additional work for others. Ask specifically for what you want rather than ask someone to act on a concept and force him or her to figure out how to make your request happen.
5 Trust and Respect
Here’s why being polite pays off:...You show you are in control of your emotions.  You give an example of how you want to be treated. Your words can’t be used against you later.  It pleasantly surprises others. You show others that you see them as people.  You distinguish yourself from others. It’s a sign of good upbringing and class.
You want respect, respect others. Listen. Genuinely consider their opinions or concerns. Acknowledge their experiences and perceptions. Help people feel at ease.
First you need to admit the importance of trust to any personal or professional relationship. Tell the other party, “I realize you have lost trust with me. I want to gain it back.” Then ask, “Will you let me attempt to rebuild your trust?” Thank that person for that opportunity. Be sure to check in with the person in the future to assure your trust has been reestablished.
6 Ask Everywhere—All the Time
When in doubt, always go to a question.—Attorney-Mediators Institute .....17 percent of respondents asked for a raise and did not get what they wanted. 42 percent of respondents asked for a raise and got what they asked for, with another 9 percent getting more than they asked for.
7 Blocks
Write down your worries and concerns. Then ask yourself: What is my real concern about this? What are my options? (There are usually several.) What am I choosing right now? When will I revisit that decision? What’s the worst thing that can happen and can I live with that outcome?
8 Asking for Others
Ask traveling military personnel if you can buy their snacks, meals, drinks, or headsets, or insist they trade places with you and take your upgraded seats.
9 Authority
Practice asking about and identifying the people with authority. Look for those who have the power to grant your requests. Watch these decision makers’ reactions. They listen and consider requests thoughtfully. They are the problem solvers.
Decision makers want to know the good business reasons they should grant your request.
When it is your turn to speak, be prepared to answer similar questions posed to you. Then direct the focus back to them by asking a question.
“What I’ve tried that worked well was _______________.” (“ What have you tried?”)
Make a point to ask for help when the occasion arises.
Invite a group of leaders or high performers you would like to know better to have lunch or breakfast. Consider meeting regularly and helping each other make better requests and decisions. Get feedback from people invested in each other’s success.
10 Tailor Your Ask
To know what works and what doesn’t work when asking powerfully, assess the requesting style of others. Are they Deciders (serious and effective), Engagers (outgoing and relationship driven), Accommodators (pleasant and agreeable), or Leveragers (literal and fact driven)?
We all have communication biases that reflect our upbringing, family relationships, and work/ life experiences. Gender, ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic status also influence how people ask and respond to requests.
11 Calm under Pressure
When you are faced with an unpleasant surprise or an unexpected response, remain calm and go to a question.
How will I respond if I don’t get the response I want or was expecting?
Counter-request the Set Aside tactic by saying, “No, this is the main issue for me. I want us to resolve it first.”
When you hear a request that doesn’t make sense. Stay calm and counter-request, “Can you walk me through your thinking?” or “Can you show me how you came to these numbers?”
12 Outrageous Results
When you approach bigger or high-stakes requests, the preparation is usually more involved. You consider more stakeholders’ positions and strategize around additional interests, issues, and objectives. The increased scrutiny and multiple interests don’t need to overwhelm you. Concentrate on breaking down big requests into smaller ones.
What’s the worst that can happen?
It’s easier to tell someone no by email or text. If at all possible, go face-to-face and persuade on a personal level. Communication via technology eliminates many rapport-building opportunities. Find ways to talk to human beings instead of pressing buttons and filling in forms.
Be willing to walk away. . Always leave yourself an out and know your options if the current request does not work out.
A solid practice to ensure clear communication in even small agreements is to confirm your understanding in writing.
Not every request happens the way you anticipate. Not every request should be or will be granted.
If I’m told no, what is my Plan B?
A solid though maybe not a great book. I give it three stars.
On the face of it, hers is a fairly practical and sensible book but it can pretty much be summarised in the phrase: "If you don't ask...you don't get". Or elsewhere, from the bible: seek and ye shall find, he that asketh receiveth, knock and the door shall be opened unto you. All pretty positive and that's the basic message from Swindling. the worst that can happen is that you get a NO. But she also has a bunch of strategies for getting to "Yes". Including; being prepared, having a clear ask, being able to justify the ask, and doing it in person rather than via email where it's easier to say no.
Did we really need a book of this length to make the points. Probably not but it's easy reading and she makes her points well.
Here are a few nuggets that I extracted from the text:
2 Show Up Powerfully
When you know you don’t look the part, be strategic and know your stuff. Understanding the strengths you bring to the table is one of the first ways to increase your power when asking. People downplay their gifts and natural abilities. ...Determine two of your strengths and use them in a conversation with others at least three times.
Example: My job here is to think logically and to check our quality.
If you aren’t being heard or acknowledged when you are in a meeting, stand up. Your voice power will increase and your energy will too. Also, it’s difficult to ignore a person standing while everyone else is seated. If available, walk over to a whiteboard or flip chart
3 The Right Focus
You must be your own advocate and clearly ask for what you want. You can’t hint. You can’t hope someone spots your good efforts.
1. Ask for what you really want.
2. Focus on the person who can help you get it.
Research proves that no matter how much time, money, or energy you invest in improving yourself, it will never be enough. ....People said yes 60 percent of the time. However, when the same person asked, “May I cut in line because …,” people said yes 94 percent of the time. The reason.... following the word “because” didn’t matter. ....Be crystal clear about your desired outcomes when making requests. Know what a win is for you.
There’s a difference between success and perfection. When asking, your goal is success (getting a yes), not perfection. Don’t stall by trying to make your request perfect.
4 What’s in It for Them?
You can prepare your request in great detail but fail to consider benefits for the other party. Ignoring their interests creates unnecessary obstacles. ..You probably have information or services considered very valuable to other people that costs you little or nothing to provide.
He even forwards medical records, police reports, and other documents at no cost, which saves them the time, trouble, and expense of acquiring them formally. Wendel says, “Why not make it easier and quicker for the other side to see you have a clear case up front?
You may choose to ask, “Is this a good time to talk?”—but beware of giving him or her the chance to avoid the conversation. You may need to be bold. ...Create a scenario in which it’s easy to say yes to you. Avoid creating additional work for others. Ask specifically for what you want rather than ask someone to act on a concept and force him or her to figure out how to make your request happen.
5 Trust and Respect
Here’s why being polite pays off:...You show you are in control of your emotions.  You give an example of how you want to be treated. Your words can’t be used against you later.  It pleasantly surprises others. You show others that you see them as people.  You distinguish yourself from others. It’s a sign of good upbringing and class.
You want respect, respect others. Listen. Genuinely consider their opinions or concerns. Acknowledge their experiences and perceptions. Help people feel at ease.
First you need to admit the importance of trust to any personal or professional relationship. Tell the other party, “I realize you have lost trust with me. I want to gain it back.” Then ask, “Will you let me attempt to rebuild your trust?” Thank that person for that opportunity. Be sure to check in with the person in the future to assure your trust has been reestablished.
6 Ask Everywhere—All the Time
When in doubt, always go to a question.—Attorney-Mediators Institute .....17 percent of respondents asked for a raise and did not get what they wanted. 42 percent of respondents asked for a raise and got what they asked for, with another 9 percent getting more than they asked for.
7 Blocks
Write down your worries and concerns. Then ask yourself: What is my real concern about this? What are my options? (There are usually several.) What am I choosing right now? When will I revisit that decision? What’s the worst thing that can happen and can I live with that outcome?
8 Asking for Others
Ask traveling military personnel if you can buy their snacks, meals, drinks, or headsets, or insist they trade places with you and take your upgraded seats.
9 Authority
Practice asking about and identifying the people with authority. Look for those who have the power to grant your requests. Watch these decision makers’ reactions. They listen and consider requests thoughtfully. They are the problem solvers.
Decision makers want to know the good business reasons they should grant your request.
When it is your turn to speak, be prepared to answer similar questions posed to you. Then direct the focus back to them by asking a question.
“What I’ve tried that worked well was _______________.” (“ What have you tried?”)
Make a point to ask for help when the occasion arises.
Invite a group of leaders or high performers you would like to know better to have lunch or breakfast. Consider meeting regularly and helping each other make better requests and decisions. Get feedback from people invested in each other’s success.
10 Tailor Your Ask
To know what works and what doesn’t work when asking powerfully, assess the requesting style of others. Are they Deciders (serious and effective), Engagers (outgoing and relationship driven), Accommodators (pleasant and agreeable), or Leveragers (literal and fact driven)?
We all have communication biases that reflect our upbringing, family relationships, and work/ life experiences. Gender, ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic status also influence how people ask and respond to requests.
11 Calm under Pressure
When you are faced with an unpleasant surprise or an unexpected response, remain calm and go to a question.
How will I respond if I don’t get the response I want or was expecting?
Counter-request the Set Aside tactic by saying, “No, this is the main issue for me. I want us to resolve it first.”
When you hear a request that doesn’t make sense. Stay calm and counter-request, “Can you walk me through your thinking?” or “Can you show me how you came to these numbers?”
12 Outrageous Results
When you approach bigger or high-stakes requests, the preparation is usually more involved. You consider more stakeholders’ positions and strategize around additional interests, issues, and objectives. The increased scrutiny and multiple interests don’t need to overwhelm you. Concentrate on breaking down big requests into smaller ones.
What’s the worst that can happen?
It’s easier to tell someone no by email or text. If at all possible, go face-to-face and persuade on a personal level. Communication via technology eliminates many rapport-building opportunities. Find ways to talk to human beings instead of pressing buttons and filling in forms.
Be willing to walk away. . Always leave yourself an out and know your options if the current request does not work out.
A solid practice to ensure clear communication in even small agreements is to confirm your understanding in writing.
Not every request happens the way you anticipate. Not every request should be or will be granted.
If I’m told no, what is my Plan B?
A solid though maybe not a great book. I give it three stars.
June 24, 2017
This Book Pushes the Science of Asking to a Whole New Level
As a working journalist, I’ve known the power of asking the right question but Linda Byars Swindling stirs all sorts of new possibilities with ASK OUTRAGEOUSLY! The data and experiences in this book are based on a research study with more than 1,000 people. I found the information engaging and fascinating and applicable to my life. As Swindling writes in the introduction, “Asking is not a task to be delegated or avoided. You can’t wait for someone to recognize that you deserve better or speak for you.” (Page 3)
I encourage you to read this book with a highlighter or some easy way to mark the different key passages so you can return to them and apply them to your life. As I read the book, I found many of them were pointed lessons. I appreciated the first paragraph of the final chapter which begins, “Outrageous asking works. Over and over again, experience and research show that people achieve far greater outcomes than they believed possible. They ask questions that change their lives and the lives of others. And they get outrageous outcomes.” (Page 209)
ASK OUTRAGEOUSLY! is packed with insights for every reader. I highly recommend it.
As a working journalist, I’ve known the power of asking the right question but Linda Byars Swindling stirs all sorts of new possibilities with ASK OUTRAGEOUSLY! The data and experiences in this book are based on a research study with more than 1,000 people. I found the information engaging and fascinating and applicable to my life. As Swindling writes in the introduction, “Asking is not a task to be delegated or avoided. You can’t wait for someone to recognize that you deserve better or speak for you.” (Page 3)
I encourage you to read this book with a highlighter or some easy way to mark the different key passages so you can return to them and apply them to your life. As I read the book, I found many of them were pointed lessons. I appreciated the first paragraph of the final chapter which begins, “Outrageous asking works. Over and over again, experience and research show that people achieve far greater outcomes than they believed possible. They ask questions that change their lives and the lives of others. And they get outrageous outcomes.” (Page 209)
ASK OUTRAGEOUSLY! is packed with insights for every reader. I highly recommend it.
May 16, 2018
Couldn’t finish it. There was not enough content to create a book out of this idea, it’s an article at best. Filled with simple common sense, nothing eye opening.
June 27, 2017
If you like to know how your asking and negotiation habits “square” with those of your friends and colleagues, this is the book. The author asked more than 1,200 people about items they’d been able to negotiate: lowered credit-card rates, lowered rent, getting a college grade change, discounted hotel rate or an upgraded room, and so forth.
She also studied the reverse—why people failed to ask for what they really wanted and why they routinely settle for less than their dreams. The results are intriguing about why people “settle.”
The stories were particularly insightful when other interviewees had outstanding results by simply asking for what they wanted.
The author also emphasizes the need to prepare for the big ask—one of her key points.
Plenty here to inspire someone to start asking for more! Checklists and reminders quite helpful.
She also studied the reverse—why people failed to ask for what they really wanted and why they routinely settle for less than their dreams. The results are intriguing about why people “settle.”
The stories were particularly insightful when other interviewees had outstanding results by simply asking for what they wanted.
The author also emphasizes the need to prepare for the big ask—one of her key points.
Plenty here to inspire someone to start asking for more! Checklists and reminders quite helpful.
August 14, 2017
I didn't finish this book on CD, as it was very business oriented, but you could definitely apply the concepts to anything in your life--your job, your personal life, etc. It explores all the reasons why we don't ask for the things that we want, and gives us tips and examples of HOW to ask. Very interesting!!!
May 11, 2021
I swear if I hear the words "if you want a [insert guide name/video/quiz here] go to ask outrageously dot com"
Every chapter ended with mentioning the website a few to several times in a matter of a few seconds. There were some small nuggets of interesting information, but it wasn't a very good audio book. Maybe it's better in print?
Every chapter ended with mentioning the website a few to several times in a matter of a few seconds. There were some small nuggets of interesting information, but it wasn't a very good audio book. Maybe it's better in print?
September 30, 2022
Repetitive, couldn’t finish. An article worth of content dragged out to a 6 hour audiobook
The most interesting nugget in here is the top reasons why people say no: 1. Request was out of line 2. They didn’t like the requester. So throw out your reservation and make sure your request is reasonable i.e. how you deserve it & what’s in it for them before asking.
The most interesting nugget in here is the top reasons why people say no: 1. Request was out of line 2. They didn’t like the requester. So throw out your reservation and make sure your request is reasonable i.e. how you deserve it & what’s in it for them before asking.
December 4, 2017
Starting from a simple premise of asking for what you want, it quickly expands into advice for a myriad of different situations, both in personal and professional life, all based on asking and how you should do it.
Overall, a good read for those looking to improve.
Overall, a good read for those looking to improve.
January 20, 2020
Книга мотивирует задавать вопросы и прочить людей чаще. Соответственно, поможет тем, у кого с этим проблемы, кто стесняется спросить или думает, что кого-то напряжет своим вопросом.
Какой-то информации по существу не так уж много. Большой плюс - хорошее резюме в конце каждой главы.
Какой-то информации по существу не так уж много. Большой плюс - хорошее резюме в конце каждой главы.
February 3, 2022
Amazing Book. I just love books like this one. The biggest takeaway was to allow my daughter to make requests on her own and not let me order things for her. Read the book, and you'll know what I mean.
February 16, 2022
My favorite quote from the book "when you wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty, but the pig likes it". | ASK acronym - "Aware of what the other person wants" - "Seek what works" - "Know what everyone wants".
June 23, 2017
The secrets out
A very valuable tool and resource. I put the book to use already (while I was in the middle of reading it) and it works!
A very valuable tool and resource. I put the book to use already (while I was in the middle of reading it) and it works!
April 1, 2019
Superficial
August 6, 2019
Very enlightening book. The key idea I learned was ''if you never ask you never know'.
February 20, 2020
Poorly written. Long. Got over half done by skimming and reading fast since not much content. Must have gotten it in a humble bundle
August 17, 2020
A neutral books about how to ask what you want. I really don't see the real appeal in this book and have some normal points and most common knowledge. However, I agree with author that asking requires some skills and circumstances. This book really gives good guide for how to ask anything ranging from interview and raise.
December 11, 2022
Great collection of examples and fundas that actually work. It's not about socializing. It's about letting others know what you want.. and get it effectively. Must read.
September 10, 2019
I've read this twice and reccomend it often. If you put her principles into real life play, it can make a difference.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews