Why Do We Stay?: How My Toxic Relationship Can Help You Find Freedom

by Stephanie Quayle

You or someone you love may be in a toxic relationship, but it doesn't have to stay that way. In this compassionate and practical resource, Stephanie Quayle shares her powerful story alongside psychologist Dr. W. Keith Campbell's professional insights to give you the help and hope you need—and remind you that you are not alone.

When Stephanie lost her boyfriend in a plane crash, she faced intense grief and pain. Nothing compared, though, to the shock of discovering she had not been the only woman in his life. As her world unraveled around her, Stephanie realized that it had actually been unraveling from the start of their relationship—back when he promised her everything.

In Why Do We Stay? Stephanie draws on her story to explain how to spot a toxic relationship, how to get out, and how to heal. Mental health expert Dr. W. Keith Campbell joins her in helping you see

You can make a change in your lifeThere are warning signs to look for and ways to spot an unhealthy relationshipYou don’t have to be a victim to narcissism or gaslighting or lose years of your lifeWhether you stay in or leave your relationship, healing and freedom are possible 

Why Do We Stay? is ideal

Those who feel trapped in an unhealthy relationshipThose who are recovering from a toxic relationshipReaders searching for a resource—for themselves or for a friend—on narcissism, gaslighting, compulsive lying, and other destructive behaviors 

With a powerful blend of clinical research, gripping storytelling, and unvarnished hope, Why Do We Stay? empowers you to make changes in your life. You are not alone.

Discover a way forward.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook

203 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 30, 2024

Reviews

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why Do We Stay by Stephanie Quayle
Information: B-
Self Help Parts: B-
Memoir parts: B
Best Aspect: Very personal detailed telling of being in a toxic relationship.
Worst Aspect: Most of the self-help parts are things one can google.
Recommend: Yes.
Thank you to the publisher for my gifted hard copy after my netgalley ebook was off formatting wise.

[Wafaa Darwich · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I listen to the audiobook for the 3nd time here are my notes/review:
WHY DO WE STAY?
I wish we knew all of that before it was too late, before all the pain, suffering, and regret.
Are we all lucky to have the good and the appropriate people around us to help and support us in rising and healing again?
The answer is NO, not all of us.
It’s not that easy (as the writer mentions), toxic relationships don’t only occur between couples, it’s there between family members, and sometimes friendships too.
If it’s the low self-esteem, the lack of confidence and courage, or toxic childhood relationships, whatever the causes are, it’s the same result, until we learn to do the opposite.
The writer focused on her story and the healing journey , but It's important to know why do we accept this type of life and why we have this repeated pattern in relationships until something breaks us to wake up.... (I know the book is not a psychology one but it would have helped others if the writer went more deep into the causes).
I can listen again and again to part one of the audiobook, and I think it's one of the most important lessons each young woman should know about, before it's too late.

Note: As usual, in best-selling books, there is a success story behind every failure, pain, and/or trauma, though this is not how it goes with everyone.

[Booked.Shaye BWRT · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, was a 3.5 rounded up to a four. I appreciate the author for sharing her story. I also really really enjoyed the therapist or coaches perspective that we get along with each chapter. This did not necessarily offer any general help. It was kind of more specific to what the author went through. But it was still a really good read and very quick. I would definitely recommend it to someone who is in a toxic relationship and needing beginners advice, but I think there are probably better books around the topic out.

[Sammie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I was expecting, I was hoping for more psychological insight. But it was helpful to realize the parallels and patterns of manipulative, toxic relationships.

[Irene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic read! Everyone with daughters in their early 20’s should read this and pass on to their daughters just as they are beginning their adult life. Of course women of any age will benefit greatly as they learn more about toxic relationships!

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actually, I would give this book 3.5 stars if half stars were allowed.

Stephanie went from being a tutor for a young girl to the girlfriend of the girl's father. She thought she knew him on so many levels, yet she still found herself always wondering if he was seeing other women. When she would see him appear to flirt with others, she would ask him later about his intentions and he always told her she was crazy. Yes, gaslighting was his style and it made her wonder if she was overreacting as he claimed. She learned later that she was right to doubt him and not doubt her own feelings. She couldn't believe she had allowed herself to be treated that way for so long.

She resolved not to fall into that trap again, yet found herself in a serious relationship with a man who was also cheating on her while swearing he was not. She realized there was a pattern here and decided to work on changing that aspect of herself that was drawn to men who would abuse her love and trust.

Similar to 12 step program advice, she does not offer specific advice as every relationship is different and there is no "one size fits all" fix. Rather she basically says "this worked for me and maybe you should try it" advice instead. Do the work, find what your trigger is and then you won't be likely to fall for that kind of person who would abuse you.

It is not easy and it would be years before she could succeed, but if you don't try, you will keep getting what you have been allowing. Do the work and your chance of finding people who treat you right will be much easier.

[Natalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephanie Quayle is a Nashville recording artist who tours the world with her music and an entrepreneur with her own record label, Big Sky Music Group. She's also suffered her fair share of trauma and now she wants to share her story so other women know they aren't alone.
When Stephanie's boyfriend died in a plane crash, her intense grief and pain quickly morphed into shock as she learned more about Paulo in death than she ever knew when they were together, infidelity and more lies than she could have imagined. Slowly, she healed, but not before repeating the pattern. When she finally put in the work on herself, she was able to transmute the shame, pain, and trauma into something good. Not only did she write an album about surviving her abusive relationship, she also wrote this book.
Meant for others going through some of the same things that she went through, Stephanie draws on her story to explain how to spot a toxic relationship, how to get out, and how to heal. In between Stephanie's story, mental health expert Dr. W. Keith Campbell joins her to help explain terminology and help readers see they too can make a change for the better in their life. Highly recommended, even if you aren't currently in a toxic relationship.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

More memoir than self-help; it's all in the title. A good starting point for someone in a toxic relationship to see a way out, from recognizing they're in one in the first place, to how to leave, and how to grieve and heal. The true story is fascinating even if I can't relate; I think it could help someone start the journey or make peace with the past.

[Komi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening book with signs to look out for when in a potentially toxic relationship.

Also by the end of the story you'll know she's a musician. She harps on it quite a bit

[J-nae Kettoman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was super relatable. I think many of us have been around this block. I'm still healing and I'm married to my best friend now.

[Zahraa Hussin. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like this book. I feel like it is close to my heart.

[Xiao Jiang · Rating 3 out of 5]

nice start for someone starting their healing journey and need a little support and guidance, more specifically affirmation!

[Mckinley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice, friendly, helpful look at a painful area of love and romance.