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Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon (Except in Emergencies)
NEVER SEND A HERO TO DO A GOON'S JOBShi Baizhe is a screwup. His schemes tend to backfire, and no one in the town of Yuan’men likes him. But when his sister gets kidnapped by a gang, he knows he needs a hero.
Unfortunately, heroes don’t come cheap, and no one gives freebies to screwups.
WIth no other alternative, he looks to the seedier side of the jianghu for aid. Enlisting the aid of a former crime boss, two brutes, a grifter, and a qinggong specialist, and a particularly foul-tempered cat, Shi Baizhe will put together the unlikeliest crew to ever stage a heist.
And of course, snacks will be provided.
This is a light-hearted heist comedy based in the Legends of the Martial World, an ancient China adjacent setting full of martial arts action, laugh-out-loud humor, and entertaining characters
Unfortunately, heroes don’t come cheap, and no one gives freebies to screwups.
WIth no other alternative, he looks to the seedier side of the jianghu for aid. Enlisting the aid of a former crime boss, two brutes, a grifter, and a qinggong specialist, and a particularly foul-tempered cat, Shi Baizhe will put together the unlikeliest crew to ever stage a heist.
And of course, snacks will be provided.
This is a light-hearted heist comedy based in the Legends of the Martial World, an ancient China adjacent setting full of martial arts action, laugh-out-loud humor, and entertaining characters
310 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 8, 2023
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12 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
September 5, 2023
4.5 out of 5 stars!
"They're bad luck! All they do is ruin everything!"
Shi is notoriously known in his town. . .as being the town idiot. He seems to always have a dark cloud around him and no luck at all. His simple motto in life is to just lay down and take things or run and hide. But everything changes when his beloved sister is kidnapped!
No one wants to touch Shi with a ten-foot pole let alone help him. Leaving Shi to turn elsewhere for potential help in getting his sister back. Shi can no longer run from things; he must face the world on his own with the help of goons. Goons who are about to broaden his world in the best way! Maybe. . ?
"I never said I was a good monk. I liked the girls, and I liked the meat." - Xu Qing
If you grew up watching those over-the-top martial arts movies with cool moves, English dubs that didn't align with the original language, and actors who were famous for martial arts, this author is for you! JF Lee's an amazing person and what's really drawn me to his works is just the comedy and the fight sequences. I had forgotten about those old movies until I stumbled upon this author!
Shi and his sister are being shunned by the entire town, Shi more than his sister. Everything just seems to fall through for the older brother. He keeps praying that his luck will turn around or his next big idea will actually work! Shi wants to do right by his sister so when it's confirmed she is kidnapped he will stop at nothing. It's time to grow up and man up as they say.
"Apparently, you can motivate goons with snacks." - Shi (Gooning 101)
I kept getting vibes of "Atlantis: The Lost Empire". Just the feelings I got between Shi and his hired crew reminded me of Milo Thatch and his newfound "friends". I loved the development of the main character and how he realized he had to grow up and do something! The individuals of the group were excellent, and I loved the comedy they helped to present. Including one of the name's a goon went by! Oh, and don't forget about the little four-legged friends that easily stole center stage!
This book is lighthearted, but some darker things are brought up. There's some language but very minor things a lot of them are just mentioned as a character is "cussing". Violence and bloodshed are present. We only get Shi's POV in this book which I enjoyed since the main growth was focused on him. Zero to a possible hero? Not saying that some of the other members had arcs of their own and demons they had to face! Loved the notes at the end of the book!
For me the paragraphs were a little long and the metaphors used where very detailed out. This is just my personal opinion; you may not mind either! JF Lee does really help to build up his world and give all the little details, so you feel like you're wherever the MC is. There are little recaps and introductions to characters you meet in some of the author's other series. No real spoilers but since I've read almost all of the author's works, I am just excited to see some of my favorites!
This book does have a HEA but I feel like we may see Shi again in another book of his own or as a side character in one of Lee's ongoing series! If you do start with this book there aren't any spoilers for the other series. He does also include where you can find certain characters who were mentioned in this book.
"Maybe all you really need in life is just a little bit of anarchy." - Shi
Enjoy this book with action, comedy, unlikely friendships, and snacks! Don't forget to give the author some stars!
shutupandbookup.com
"They're bad luck! All they do is ruin everything!"
Shi is notoriously known in his town. . .as being the town idiot. He seems to always have a dark cloud around him and no luck at all. His simple motto in life is to just lay down and take things or run and hide. But everything changes when his beloved sister is kidnapped!
No one wants to touch Shi with a ten-foot pole let alone help him. Leaving Shi to turn elsewhere for potential help in getting his sister back. Shi can no longer run from things; he must face the world on his own with the help of goons. Goons who are about to broaden his world in the best way! Maybe. . ?
"I never said I was a good monk. I liked the girls, and I liked the meat." - Xu Qing
If you grew up watching those over-the-top martial arts movies with cool moves, English dubs that didn't align with the original language, and actors who were famous for martial arts, this author is for you! JF Lee's an amazing person and what's really drawn me to his works is just the comedy and the fight sequences. I had forgotten about those old movies until I stumbled upon this author!
Shi and his sister are being shunned by the entire town, Shi more than his sister. Everything just seems to fall through for the older brother. He keeps praying that his luck will turn around or his next big idea will actually work! Shi wants to do right by his sister so when it's confirmed she is kidnapped he will stop at nothing. It's time to grow up and man up as they say.
"Apparently, you can motivate goons with snacks." - Shi (Gooning 101)
I kept getting vibes of "Atlantis: The Lost Empire". Just the feelings I got between Shi and his hired crew reminded me of Milo Thatch and his newfound "friends". I loved the development of the main character and how he realized he had to grow up and do something! The individuals of the group were excellent, and I loved the comedy they helped to present. Including one of the name's a goon went by! Oh, and don't forget about the little four-legged friends that easily stole center stage!
This book is lighthearted, but some darker things are brought up. There's some language but very minor things a lot of them are just mentioned as a character is "cussing". Violence and bloodshed are present. We only get Shi's POV in this book which I enjoyed since the main growth was focused on him. Zero to a possible hero? Not saying that some of the other members had arcs of their own and demons they had to face! Loved the notes at the end of the book!
For me the paragraphs were a little long and the metaphors used where very detailed out. This is just my personal opinion; you may not mind either! JF Lee does really help to build up his world and give all the little details, so you feel like you're wherever the MC is. There are little recaps and introductions to characters you meet in some of the author's other series. No real spoilers but since I've read almost all of the author's works, I am just excited to see some of my favorites!
This book does have a HEA but I feel like we may see Shi again in another book of his own or as a side character in one of Lee's ongoing series! If you do start with this book there aren't any spoilers for the other series. He does also include where you can find certain characters who were mentioned in this book.
"Maybe all you really need in life is just a little bit of anarchy." - Shi
Enjoy this book with action, comedy, unlikely friendships, and snacks! Don't forget to give the author some stars!
shutupandbookup.com
September 8, 2023
“No one wakes up in the morning and thinks, “Today is the day I’m going to hire some goons to do my bidding.”
At least most people don’t.
And I thought I was most people.
Until I wasn’t.
My name is Shi Baizhe. I’m eighteen years old. My little sister and I have lived in the town of Yuan’men for most of our lives, and it’s true—people don’t think much of us. My family never really had what you would call a ‘great’ reputation around here. You couldn’t even put a honey glaze on it and call it ‘good.’ It was more like an oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-no-one-has-killed-you-yet kind of reputation.”
*****
So begins the story of a young man who hires a batch of goons to collect his sister after she’s been abducted. Simple story, simply told. Except things begin to go awry for the well-meaning but simple brother who can’t seem to catch a break.
At the outset, the story style seems too simple to draw you in, but you do get there. You find yourself hoping for the hapless guy, liking his attachment to cats and his crew. He finds himself the boss of a crime gang and although they’ve not yet committed crimes together, they come with … reputations.
It’s not much to go on, but plans have been hatched on less, right?
*****
“Wait, there are snacks here?” Faceless Meng asked. “I’ve never been in a crew with snacks before.”
“Boss treats us well,” Xu Qing grinned.
Chicken Wing shrugged.
Apparently, you can motivate goons with snacks.
*****
I can’t tell you what happens other than there are a lot of monkey wrenches being thrown into the plot. Actually, it’s cats, not monkeys (or their wrenches). Cats are let out of the bag. Even at almost the last minute, our not-so-swift thinker has to adjust plans on the fly. What happens after will go down in legend.
As with his other books, part of the joy of reading a JF Lee book is the footnotes.
*****
NO CATS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS SCENE. These are all stunt cats and they are professionals trained in falling and fifteen forms of feline martial arts. They also live a life of luxury and quite frankly make more money than I do. So, don’t you go stressing about them, because, frankly, they’re cats and they don’t give a damn what you think, even when you pay them a lot of fish and cream and cat nip. They’re still temperamental bastards that will demand pets and claw your hands until they bleed.
At least most people don’t.
And I thought I was most people.
Until I wasn’t.
My name is Shi Baizhe. I’m eighteen years old. My little sister and I have lived in the town of Yuan’men for most of our lives, and it’s true—people don’t think much of us. My family never really had what you would call a ‘great’ reputation around here. You couldn’t even put a honey glaze on it and call it ‘good.’ It was more like an oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-no-one-has-killed-you-yet kind of reputation.”
*****
So begins the story of a young man who hires a batch of goons to collect his sister after she’s been abducted. Simple story, simply told. Except things begin to go awry for the well-meaning but simple brother who can’t seem to catch a break.
At the outset, the story style seems too simple to draw you in, but you do get there. You find yourself hoping for the hapless guy, liking his attachment to cats and his crew. He finds himself the boss of a crime gang and although they’ve not yet committed crimes together, they come with … reputations.
It’s not much to go on, but plans have been hatched on less, right?
*****
“Wait, there are snacks here?” Faceless Meng asked. “I’ve never been in a crew with snacks before.”
“Boss treats us well,” Xu Qing grinned.
Chicken Wing shrugged.
Apparently, you can motivate goons with snacks.
*****
I can’t tell you what happens other than there are a lot of monkey wrenches being thrown into the plot. Actually, it’s cats, not monkeys (or their wrenches). Cats are let out of the bag. Even at almost the last minute, our not-so-swift thinker has to adjust plans on the fly. What happens after will go down in legend.
As with his other books, part of the joy of reading a JF Lee book is the footnotes.
*****
NO CATS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS SCENE. These are all stunt cats and they are professionals trained in falling and fifteen forms of feline martial arts. They also live a life of luxury and quite frankly make more money than I do. So, don’t you go stressing about them, because, frankly, they’re cats and they don’t give a damn what you think, even when you pay them a lot of fish and cream and cat nip. They’re still temperamental bastards that will demand pets and claw your hands until they bleed.
September 9, 2023
Shi Baizhe's sister is kidnapped, and a hero would be able to find her. Unfortunately, he doesn't have money and heroes aren't cheap. Goons, on the other hand, are far more affordable. A retired gang boss, two brutes, a thief and cats are now the crew to find his sister.
Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon (Except in Emergencies) is in the same general world as JF Lee's other really fun wuxia-inspired novels, and this one in particular is from the Tales from the Jianghu series. Shi Baizhe and his sister Binbin aren't particularly well-liked or rich, and his small business ideas fail in the execution. Trying to go through the magistrate didn't seem to work, and he generally didn't know much about the gangs in his town. Heroes and goons alike pass through town, and he eventually gets a group together to do the heist/rescue. For the reader, it's hilarious to see the hiring trials. There's extra fun if you've read other books in this world, but it's not necessary. It's a heist story in the wuxia world, and Shi Baizhe truly worries and cares for his sister. His earnestness brings out the best in the goons he hires and they work together like antiheroes.
Like all great heist stories, it doesn't go exactly to plan, and the ending is a lot more fun than you think it's going to be starting the book. Having a crew isn't what Shi Baizhe thought it would be, but it gives him a fond and familial kind of bond, just as great heist stories do. This is a fun read, and if you've never read the other JF Lee wuxia stories, do yourself a favor and pick them up.
Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon (Except in Emergencies) is in the same general world as JF Lee's other really fun wuxia-inspired novels, and this one in particular is from the Tales from the Jianghu series. Shi Baizhe and his sister Binbin aren't particularly well-liked or rich, and his small business ideas fail in the execution. Trying to go through the magistrate didn't seem to work, and he generally didn't know much about the gangs in his town. Heroes and goons alike pass through town, and he eventually gets a group together to do the heist/rescue. For the reader, it's hilarious to see the hiring trials. There's extra fun if you've read other books in this world, but it's not necessary. It's a heist story in the wuxia world, and Shi Baizhe truly worries and cares for his sister. His earnestness brings out the best in the goons he hires and they work together like antiheroes.
Like all great heist stories, it doesn't go exactly to plan, and the ending is a lot more fun than you think it's going to be starting the book. Having a crew isn't what Shi Baizhe thought it would be, but it gives him a fond and familial kind of bond, just as great heist stories do. This is a fun read, and if you've never read the other JF Lee wuxia stories, do yourself a favor and pick them up.
September 8, 2023
All nations and cultures have indigenous historical legends of heroic myth as well as folktales. For example, the UK has the Arthurian legends on one hand and the Canterbury Tales on the other. China's Jianghu martial culture is often best exemplified by the 108 Heroes of Lian Shan depicted in "The Water Margin". However, that classic Chinese epic contains tales of thieves, conmen, gangsters, and other non0heroic types.
JF Lee's expanding catalog of Jianghu novels often emulates this dichotomy. His latest offering, "Why I Never Hire a Goon (Except in Emergencies) is fully ensconced in the latter genre, but with a heaping dose of good-natured humor and surprisingly deep characters that transcend their stereotypes as depicted in swordplay period films from Hong Kong, China and Taiwan.
While premised on a perennial loser who must rescue his kidnapped sister, the novel introduces new characters that represent the other martial arts skills that are often the province of supporting players and gives them well deserved spotlights. There is also familiar turf for fans of Lee's other books.
If books like Lee's, "Tales of The Swordsman" series can be compared to the John Wick series, "Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon" could be analogous to "The Continental."
Well worth reading and a fitting addition to Lee's Jianghu literary universe.
JF Lee's expanding catalog of Jianghu novels often emulates this dichotomy. His latest offering, "Why I Never Hire a Goon (Except in Emergencies) is fully ensconced in the latter genre, but with a heaping dose of good-natured humor and surprisingly deep characters that transcend their stereotypes as depicted in swordplay period films from Hong Kong, China and Taiwan.
While premised on a perennial loser who must rescue his kidnapped sister, the novel introduces new characters that represent the other martial arts skills that are often the province of supporting players and gives them well deserved spotlights. There is also familiar turf for fans of Lee's other books.
If books like Lee's, "Tales of The Swordsman" series can be compared to the John Wick series, "Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon" could be analogous to "The Continental."
Well worth reading and a fitting addition to Lee's Jianghu literary universe.
August 15, 2023
I received a free copy of this book for review.
Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon, by JF Lee is about a young 18 year old Shi Baizhe and his search for his 16 year old sister Binbin with the help of an 50ish former gangster known as Left Brother.
A ransom note from a local mob boss sends young Shi on a journey of self discovery as he orchestrates a self-imposed rescue of his sister Binbin. This is an eloquent, well written and often joyful account of Shi's development from young screw-up to a man that commands respect. This book is a delightful marriage of a very amusing beginning coupled to a more nuanced writing style as young Shi matures and comes into his own. I'm continually impressed with Lee's writing and I suspect this series will become more serious as Shi moves up in the world and becomes a force to be reckoned with. Highly recommended.
Why I Swore to Never Hire a Goon, by JF Lee is about a young 18 year old Shi Baizhe and his search for his 16 year old sister Binbin with the help of an 50ish former gangster known as Left Brother.
A ransom note from a local mob boss sends young Shi on a journey of self discovery as he orchestrates a self-imposed rescue of his sister Binbin. This is an eloquent, well written and often joyful account of Shi's development from young screw-up to a man that commands respect. This book is a delightful marriage of a very amusing beginning coupled to a more nuanced writing style as young Shi matures and comes into his own. I'm continually impressed with Lee's writing and I suspect this series will become more serious as Shi moves up in the world and becomes a force to be reckoned with. Highly recommended.
September 8, 2023
Another excellent story from JF Lee filling in all the corners of his Wuxia world. Adventures, mysteries, and now heists (I'm sorry, JOBS).
Think of an "Oceans Eleven"-like story but with a Wuxia setting and with an unlikely cast that in the end work well together. Plus, if you've read his other stories you'll see some familiar faces.
I especially appreciate how all his books, including this one are just focused on telling a good tale. One I could read to my children even.
Don't miss this eclectic and interesting take on a heist (sorry, JOB) story in a Wuxia world.
Think of an "Oceans Eleven"-like story but with a Wuxia setting and with an unlikely cast that in the end work well together. Plus, if you've read his other stories you'll see some familiar faces.
I especially appreciate how all his books, including this one are just focused on telling a good tale. One I could read to my children even.
Don't miss this eclectic and interesting take on a heist (sorry, JOB) story in a Wuxia world.
January 12, 2024
Quite entertaining. and I like that the footnotes are handled better than most ebooks manage it. (when you press the link it pops up in a new window at the bottom of the page. when you finish reading the footnote you can easily dismiss it and go back to reading the book.)
This currently standalone book is part of a larger interconnected set of series which share a setting and some characters. not sure if I am interested in the whole thing but I am thinking it might try a couple of the ones that seem interesting right now.
This currently standalone book is part of a larger interconnected set of series which share a setting and some characters. not sure if I am interested in the whole thing but I am thinking it might try a couple of the ones that seem interesting right now.
September 5, 2023
JF Lee is, as always, entertaining. His characters are robust and while some *cough* Shi Baizhe *cough* are really dumb, they still keep you wondering. For example, how could Shi Baizhe ever be capable enough to rescue his sister? How can this crew do anything? With head-slapping characters, humorous wordplay, and a troop of unruly felines, this book will keep you reading until the end.
July 12, 2025
Excellent
IF Lee strikes again with charming and well drawn characters that you actually care about. His wry humour permeates the whole story and assuaged the disappointment of not having The Wrath of the White Crane to read yet. Well done. Good fun. Thank you.
IF Lee strikes again with charming and well drawn characters that you actually care about. His wry humour permeates the whole story and assuaged the disappointment of not having The Wrath of the White Crane to read yet. Well done. Good fun. Thank you.
September 10, 2025
another great read!!!!
This peek into the world of Takes from the Jianghu was very exciting. I hope to read more about Shi and his crew, maybe they’ll interact with Magistrate Tao Jun or Shu Yan or even grumpy Li Ming.
This peek into the world of Takes from the Jianghu was very exciting. I hope to read more about Shi and his crew, maybe they’ll interact with Magistrate Tao Jun or Shu Yan or even grumpy Li Ming.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews