If You're a Girl: Selected Stories 1985 - 2023

by Ann Rower, Sheila Heti (Introduction)

The trailblazing book that influenced a generation of writers, and proves that mature reflection needn’t be lacking in attitude.

"In the beginning when everything was very sexual we talked about our fantasies. She thought about having a guy for some of it. She thought about having a gun. I had gone through a lot to get away from guys so I admit that the thought of going back to them, even for a little adventure, was surprising and disconcerting …"

Ann Rower’s first book, If You’re a Girl, published by Semiotext(e)’s Native Agents series in 1991 in tandem with Cookie Mueller’s Walking Through Clear Water in a Pool Painted Black , cemented her reputation as the Eve Babitz of lower Manhattan.

Rower was fifty-three years old at the time. Her stories—urtexts of female autofiction—had long been circulating within the poetry and postpunk music scenes. They were unlike anyone else’ disarming, embarrassing, psuedoconfessional tales of everyday life dizzily told and laced with dry humor. In If You’re a Girl , she recounts her adventures as Timothy Leary’s babysitter, her artistic romance with actor Ron Vawter, and her attempts to evade a schizophrenic stalker.

Rower went on to publish two Armed Response (1995) and Lee & Elaine (2002). After the 2002 suicide of her partner, the writer Heather Lewis, Rower stopped writing for almost two decades. And then she picked up where If You’re a Girl left off. No longer a girl, she produced dozens of stories from her life in New York as an octogenarian.

This new, expanded edition includes most of the original book, together with selections from both her novels and her recent writings. If You’re a Girl is a trailblazing book that manifests Rower’s influence on a generation of writers, and proves that mature reflection needn’t be lacking in attitude.

Genres: Fiction, Queer, Short Stories, The United States Of America, LGBT

352 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 1990

About the author

A die-hard New Yorker, Ann Rower has always lived, worked, and written in and around the city. She is the author of If You're a Girl, a collection of short stories; and Armed Response and Lee & Elaine, both novels. Rower has contributed to periodicals such as BOMB, Journal of Contemporary Fiction, and High Risk 2. She has also worked for the innovative Wooster theatre group and other performance groups.

Rower taught writing for decades at the School of Visual Arts. For her work, she received several awards and honors. Rower got a Jules and Avery Hopwood Award from the National Endowment for the Arts, Woodrow Wilson Fellowship, Gary Carey Award from the Humanities and Sciences Department at the School of Visual Arts.

Reviews

[Meg]

Reading this book kind of feels like talking to an extremely cool lesbian grandmother who has endless, meandering, raw, and sometimes embarrassing stories. It’s full of name drops of different writers, artists, and minor celebrities of New York in the latter half of the 20th century. I kind of let this one wash over me without reading too closely, but I did enjoy my time with it.

[Sarah Cohn]

loved this. sexy, devastating and so cool. best part was when she used tunnel under ocean boulevard lyrics to describe fucking richard hell. but i also loved the story about her uncle leo and everything about heather lewis and the love she found after her.

[Vicky]

I thought I was gonna be more engaged with this book for all the things I judged before starting it—the title, that Ann Rower is friends with all my other favorite writers like Cookie Mueller is mentioned in one of the first stories, and it was conversational but I kept losing focus or interest until I put it aside for a while, then recently returned to it, and by the middle-to-end, I realized it's like following an internal monologue "inside joke"/"inside story" where I wasn't given enough character background of each person referenced to visualize them and to care and to know what's going on. I read the part about a security guard at a school who caught Rower's friend or something lighting up a ball of paper and dropping this fire ball out the window which scorched someone's head and basically I saw the event in words but it left me feeling whaaat iiis haaapening, and there are other moments where I wonder if I should give up, but I do love going along with w/e but this was just—

actually this is what I tell people I want to write like
unfriendly, for-myself stories
but it's really hard to read
is all

so in a way I still like this
sort of

[Cleo]

Think I might be in the minority in that I found the 2023 stuff interesting and the earlier stuff dull. Enjoyed the writing about Heather Lewis the most though

[J M-B]

A book that fictionalises life and lets you watch (seemingly) how the author achieves that transformation as she addresses the process of writing the text in your hand. I will read more of Ann Rower's work.

[Bert Hirsch]

The second section entitled Transfiction relates Ann’s personal experiences as a babysitter/ assistant to Timothy Leary when he was at Harvard administering LSD to research studies/ students and famous figures such as Allen Ginsberg, Arthur Koestler, Alan Watts, William Burroughs and others. The combustible mix of hallucinogens and strong personalities makes for a wild scene. The book also includes an intense interview Rower has with members of the Wooster Theater Group as they research a play about “King Leary”. An enjoyable read for anyone who has an interest in the beginnings of LSD usage in the US.

[Rubí]

Not super familiar with the art scene Rower was a part of but still really enjoyed this. Saw some reviews unhappy with the way she diverts the direction of stories with recollections but I do think it adds a stream-of-consciousness element that makes her writing relatable. It is more memoir/fiction than stories, so that makes sense to me. Personally drawn more to the 2023 stories because she is so candid about existing in an older woman’s body and having always been attracted to younger women.

[Julia]

so hard to get through for most of the book. she constantly mentions names of random people and acts like it’s important but it never matters for the story??!! not my thing

[Jude]

Too many Taylor Swift references and not enough Cookie Mueller references

[Hailey Skinner]

The back cover called Ann Rower the "Eve Babitz of Downtown Manhattan" so naturally I had to assess the situation!

While I did find Rower's tone of voice delightfully causal... she lacked the humor & effortlessness of Eve, in my opinion. I fear many of her musings were forgettable & I'm actually struggling to recall any of them now. So, 2 stars from me.

But, the fact that Lana Del Rey AND Taylor Swift were both mentioned in a later essay felt like a perfect ending to a collection with this title.
True, Rower is a woman in her 80s, but she's also just a girl. <3

[lia]

encontré a ann menos cautivadora que al resto de las semiotext(e) girls. el prefacio me emocionó, siempre me emocionan los relatos de chris kraus como héroe y salvadora: que lindo que haya elegido a ann como la primera native agent y que le haya propuesto re-editarla décadas después. la estructura es curiosa, mezclan textos de 1990 y 2023. disfruté más, por lo general, los primeros: un listón de satín negro alrededor de las cartas de su primer amor lésbico, las imágenes de una joven eileen myles, el acuario de baltimore, llamarle a auden para preguntar el significado de un verso y terminar tomando té en su casa. de pronto me irritaba la repetición de temas (haber ido a la escuela con f.f. coppola, que su tío haya escrito canciones famosas) y tal vez su abordaje a la cultura popular (t*ylor swift, lana del rey) y el deseo sexual, pero bueno tiene más de ochenta años y eso le da permiso de ser cringey !

“«how are your essays?» i don't know why he called them that, but it made me want to write essays”

“when vito and i met, i told lewis, he used to say he couldn’t wait until we’d known each other five years”

[My Heart]

I have a terrible habit of picking up a book, reading half of it in a day, and then losing myself in work or other silly routines and not picking it up for a month. Unfortunately I abandoned Ann Rower’s most recent edition of If You’re a Girl in the same way i’ve done to others, it really is an incredible disservice to any writer. I loved this book, and I find Rower incredibly easy to digest, the only thing that takes away from it are the self inflicted gaps in my memory, due to the length of time it took me to read the whole thing. Rower has an incredible ability to balance humor, deep grief, provocativeness (I hate this word, it sounds ugly and incorrect) and a wild relatability. I don’t think you have to be a girl, queer, writer, married, divorced, etc. to find some solace in this book, she writes to and for everyone. Many compare Ann Rower to Eve Babitz, I see their differences I see their similarities, I love them both. I also love to hear about Richard Hell, man of my dreams and many others, whom Rower shares at least 3 anecdotes about :) Sorry, this is all over the place!

[Maya]

1. On the back cover it says this book “cemented [Rower’s] reputation as the Eve Babitz of lower Manhattan,” but it’s kind of hard to see how it could have, unless the only appeal of Babitz is that she slept with a lot of famous people.

2. Rower says she wanted to call the collection “If You’re a Girl” because they’re “stories about sex, abuse, rape, abortion, marriage, divorce, infection, kids.” Like this is what it is to be a girl. Maybe this would have been an idea in the 90s, but I don’t think it translates today. I didn’t need to rediscover Rower the way I needed Babitz. She didn’t give me anything (about girlhood or anything else) that I don’t already have and haven’t already grown tired of. Or something.

[Talia]

Upon seeing this book and reading the back cover, which claims If You’re A Girl “…cemented Rower’s status as the Eve Babitz of lower Manhattan” I was immediately intrigued. Yet, my expectations weren’t that high as I had never read anything by Rower before. I regret not reading her sooner. Every passage kept me on the edge of my seat, Rower’s storytelling is amazing and dare I say better than Babitz (but honestly I am way biased as a queer new yorker… babitz is great but I know very little about la) so I hope this book gets published again without that blurb. Because Ann Rower is the Ann Rower of lower Manhattan.

[Enue]

En gran parte decidí leer a Rower porque Jackie Wang, en “Alien Daughters Walk Into the Sun: An Almanac of Extreme Girlhood “, me llenó la cabeza de referencias. Terminé muy interesada en leer casi todo lo que mencionaba, porque me parecían personajes con una personalidad diferente. Soy gancho fácil para eso.

En muchas partes, las historias de Rower te hacen cómplice y parte de ellas, se sienten como si una amiga me estuviera contando alguna anécdota, algo muy íntimo y personal. Creo que, en varias de las cosas que escribe Rower, ese lazo me hizo conectar con ella y tener mi atención al 100%. La parte contraria son esos momentos en donde menciona a personas que no logro ubicar como quisiera, y ahí la chispa de la historia se me pierde.

Justo como vi en un post de por acá, estoy en mi propio trauma de estas semiotext(e) grlss, tratando de leer lo más que pueda. Fue algo muy bonito saber cómo Rower se sintió al inicio, durante y al final de su relación con Heather Lewis. Hay algo que reconozco con el paso de la historia: definitivamente, con el paso de la edad, la mujer deja de preocuparse por ser juzgada por lo que hace y deja de hacer. Amo que Rower acepte que llegó un poco tarde en darse cuenta de eso.

Y una confesión honesta: me vuela la cabeza que exista un hilo invisible entre Heather Lewis, Chris Kraus, Eileen Meyers, Lynne Tillman y Cookie Mueller. Cero culpa 😉

[Lars Meijer]

Een aangename verzameling van verhalen en essays, uit oud en nieuw werk. De autofictionele verhalen (of zoals Rower ze omschrijft, transfictionele) verhouden zich thematisch goed met elkaar, maar op een paar verhalen na - Notice, Trick or Treat, The Last Bikini Wax en Baby - sloeg de vonk nèt niet over. Niettemin, het proza van Rower leest vlot. Ik ben benieuwd naar Notice, de laatste roman van haar overleden partner Heather Lewis.

3,5*

[katryna]

another semiotext(e) red string session complete what a voice rower has it’s honest and confident yet somehow sheepish without shame and most of all REAL what a wildly expansive life what a lady THANK YOU i feel the type of fondness toward this 86 year old woman that i believe is usually reserved for your own grandmother but i never really got anywhere with either of them so here ann you take it

aside/ i wonder how eileen myles feels being so many goddamn people’s first crush lmk babe thanks

[Sarah]

I really have to proceed with caution with these memoirs that read like long diary entries. I came for the 80s LES anecdotes about Ann Rower sexing all the poets. Lots of fun names dropped--Heather Lewis, Richard Hell, Allan Ginsberg, Nan Goldin, Cookie Mueller, Chris Kraus, Sylvere Lotringer, Eileen Myles and on and on---but overall I need more narrative propulsion as I can't live on gossip alone sadly.

[Navah]

a really pleasant and significant read. i like rower’s voice, though not as much as her contemporaries— she is a NYC documentarian. she is a great writer, but i found myself getting annoyed at the constant name dropping (though this is almost a marker of this particular group of artists, and doesn’t usually bother me at all).
all that said, i really did like the book and there are some moments of breakthrough beauty that make it worth the time and energy.

[JB]

Maybe a strong three and a half. Liked a lot, sometimes really enjoyed, but didn’t love this. Rower’s voice goes in all directions and in most of them she does good work, but she can sometimes run a touch corny, or include quirky personal details that don’t work. Could be that makes this experimental and anyway the experiment has positive results a good deal of the time.

[mj deery]

I wanted to love this. The idea that we’d get Ann Rower’s early stories delivered through the lens of her now mature age was so intriguing to me. However, the early stories weren’t a prominent part of the book. It was mostly current day reflection without the actual text of her early work. Womp womp.

[Josh Sherman]

Liked how self-reflexive some of these pieces were, how Rower rewrites and edits within the work itself. Very conversational and tangential, which I'm partial to as well. Strong voice. Maybe a bit sloppy at times, but I'm willing to overlook it/it somehow adds to the charm, IMO.

[Dorsey Ensor]

I thought this was going to be different than it was. A lot of names I didn’t know and couldn’t keep up with and bouncing around.

But then the last portion I really liked? But before that was drudging through a bit? Liked some stories scattered as well.

[Kylie Francisco]

intimate and honest and awkward in the way that the writing includes the reader in the process of decision making as it goes- i loved that the story it seeks out to complete in theory is what we are actually experiencing in practice

[anon]

didn't read this version but the new expanded version out w semiotext(e) but can't find that on goodreads. wanted to like and did like in bits, but had to put down ultimately because i just couldn't find the drive to keep reading.

[Zoe Lubetkin]

I liked some of the stories (“The Playboy Method”) and found the ending of “Thanks for the Memory” quite moving. Another reader’s review that described these as “unfriendly, for-myself stories” was spot on. And I appreciate how she did that, but not the most engaging (for me)

[J]

One of the most refreshing books I’ve read in a long, long time. My friend recommended & loaned this to me and I’m so grateful. The back cites Ann Rower as the “Eve Babitz of lower Manhattan” and I somewhat agree, but Ann is more interesting (imo) and gay, which makes me much more into this.

[Raquel]

Heti in the foreword makes the point that this is different from a memoir written entirely in retrospect and also different from a chronological selected writings. Definitely loved the way the original book's writings are interspersed with later writing.

[Chris Raffa]

I guess you had to be there

[Zach Werbalowsky]

High highs and no lows, rower's writing is fun and the new version syncs up nicely with the present.