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Borderline: The Biography of a Personality Disorder
An intimate, compassionate, and expansive portrait of Borderline Personality Disorder that rejects the conventional wisdom that the condition is untreatable and those diagnosed with it are “difficult,” told by a psychologist who specializes in BPD
Mental illness is heavily stigmatized within our society, and folks with BPD are portrayed as especially hopeless by doctors and popular culture alike. When, as a graduate student, Alexander Kriss first began working as a therapist in the field, his supervisors warned him that borderline patients were manipulative and had a tendency to drop out of treatment. Yet, years later, when Kriss was establishing his private practice and a patient named Ana came to his office, he felt compelled to try to help her, despite all of the warnings he'd heard.
Borderline is the story of his work with Ana—how their relationship led Kriss to a deeper understanding of the borderline experience and what it means to be a person. Borderline is also the story of the disorder itself—Kriss traces accounts of the condition going back to antiquity, showing how this diagnosis has been known by many names over the millennia, most of them witchcraft, hysteria, moral insanity. All referred to a person—usually a woman—whose behavior and personality were seen as unstable, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. Kriss illustrates the pivotal role borderline patients played in the invention of psychotherapy, the development of modern psychology and psychiatry, and current attitudes about what it means to be healthy. Through the interweaving of personal and global histories, he ultimately argues that BPD is the most important diagnosis of our the individual expression of cultural angst that emerges out of systemic inequality, the fracturing of narratives, and our collective search for meaning and identity.
Mental illness is heavily stigmatized within our society, and folks with BPD are portrayed as especially hopeless by doctors and popular culture alike. When, as a graduate student, Alexander Kriss first began working as a therapist in the field, his supervisors warned him that borderline patients were manipulative and had a tendency to drop out of treatment. Yet, years later, when Kriss was establishing his private practice and a patient named Ana came to his office, he felt compelled to try to help her, despite all of the warnings he'd heard.
Borderline is the story of his work with Ana—how their relationship led Kriss to a deeper understanding of the borderline experience and what it means to be a person. Borderline is also the story of the disorder itself—Kriss traces accounts of the condition going back to antiquity, showing how this diagnosis has been known by many names over the millennia, most of them witchcraft, hysteria, moral insanity. All referred to a person—usually a woman—whose behavior and personality were seen as unstable, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. Kriss illustrates the pivotal role borderline patients played in the invention of psychotherapy, the development of modern psychology and psychiatry, and current attitudes about what it means to be healthy. Through the interweaving of personal and global histories, he ultimately argues that BPD is the most important diagnosis of our the individual expression of cultural angst that emerges out of systemic inequality, the fracturing of narratives, and our collective search for meaning and identity.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published April 30, 2024
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3936 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
September 5, 2025
This book was an interesting surprise. Usually going into any sort of pop psychology book I have somewhat low expectations. Part of this is because dominant culture is often woven throughout so much that it becomes frustrating. Part of it is that complex medical systems that are already problematic even at the academic level are simplified down too much. Part of it is that we sometimes get way too much of the author's bias or unethical oversharing.
The latter part ended up being a lot different than it usually is in this case. Borderline is a foray into history by Alexander Kriss that is composed alongside (mostly) a single case study. I often feel nervous about these sorts of things being shared even when identifying information is claimed to have been removed because psychological care should be 100% private. In this case though, it comes across that this was done quite thoughtfully and with consent and input from the patient whose case is at the center. There's even a clear discussion about the power dynamics at hand and if a patient can consent properly to something like this. I think the reason it works in this case is because the author is a psychoanalyst of the more classic type that spends multiple days a week over an extended period of time with their client. This results in a level of connection and intimacy that is inescapable. I found the accounts in this book to be honest in this regard as much as I can tell from the writing. The author was also open about his thought processes, mistakes, and shortcomings.
As much as my former advisors and professors would probably be disappointed, I love psychoanalysis. I love its fantastical focus on the unconscious and all of the things that we can't possibly measure. I love that it's near impossible to quantify and study like biopsychology or cognitive neuroscience, which is what most of my education was based on when I went to school for psychology.
I would say that this book is not really a biography of borderline personality disorder such that a complete beginner could pick it up and learn about it. I saw it as more of an expansion on the rather one-dimensional way that the disorder is viewed by many today. Kriss weaves together the long history of maladies attributed to women and argues that hysteria and related diagnoses of the past are older names for the same syndrome now known as borderline personality disorder. As a result, I think it will work better for folks with a foundational understanding of the current definition and manifestations of bpd diagnoses.
One of the best parts about how this book does history is that Kriss discusses the social position of the psychologists and theorists he is focused on. I went through years of school and psychology classes learning about dead men and their thoughts on the womens brains without ever learning which ones of them were slavers. We never discussed how Sigmund Freud being Jewish affected his place in the field and how he approached topics. We never discussed how American capitalism would be used to shape the direction of psychology when certain ideas arrived from overseas. There was rarely any discussion of patriarchy or privilege. Freud as a name was always attributed to Sigmund, not Anna, despite the latter having far more accurate and grounded beliefs albeit still problematic. I felt that I learned so much more about these various theorists by understanding their position in the world at the time.
One of the most surprising things to me is that Sigmund Freud, Sándor Ferenczi, and others were actually closer to reality in the beginning of their theories about why women are suffering (sexual abuse and exposure to trauma) before Freud decided to go extra misogynistic and buried his own history and Ferenczi's work. Through all of these histories, Kriss makes it pretty impossible to deny how current day treatment of borderline personality disorder isn't a whole lot better or more evolved than the treatment of Hysteria in the past. It might even be worse in terms of predicting the ability to heal because at least in the past it wasn't assumed that the patient was doomed as soon as the label was slapped on them.
Kriss also covers more modern day manifestations of care for borderline personality disorder and disorders related to traumatic experience. He has more favorable yet still nuanced takes on dialectical behavioral therapy and treatments around post-traumatic stress. He discusses as well the ways in which psychoanalytic concepts such as splitting were redefined as if they were new concepts with labels like multiple personality disorder. There is a case study he is careful to discuss with someone I would argue was manipulated by an internet "friend" into believing they have "dissociative identity disorder" and played the part. Kriss seems to argue more that people all have varying degrees of splitting into other personalities in one way or another, some of which are dysfunctional and some of which are just normal. It's more complicated than that, but that would make this a very long review.
Kriss has a lot to say about the DSM and modern day psychology centering it. Rightfully so. Something I learned in particular from this book was that PTSD being entered into the DSM was the first time that a disorder symptomology included an external event being the cause. Everything else is about problems with the individual. That is bananas to me. I knew this problematic aspect of diagnostic practices but had no idea that the environment was that absent from the DSM.
I will share one quote that stood out to me regarding how many paradigms claim we must create a new self while mourning the old one we somehow lost to a trauma or illness:
"We always add, never subtract. All the way down to the psychotic core, we can only be ourselves and the things that happen to us, that make us ill, also have the potential to serve as sources of empathy and ideas that challenge a toxic status quo."
Overall I really liked this compassionate psychoanalytic foray into the previously unknown to me long history of borderline personality disorder. I hope it will foster more empathy toward those with the label and lead to better outcomes for them and the world that we share.
This was also posted to my blog and storygraph.
The latter part ended up being a lot different than it usually is in this case. Borderline is a foray into history by Alexander Kriss that is composed alongside (mostly) a single case study. I often feel nervous about these sorts of things being shared even when identifying information is claimed to have been removed because psychological care should be 100% private. In this case though, it comes across that this was done quite thoughtfully and with consent and input from the patient whose case is at the center. There's even a clear discussion about the power dynamics at hand and if a patient can consent properly to something like this. I think the reason it works in this case is because the author is a psychoanalyst of the more classic type that spends multiple days a week over an extended period of time with their client. This results in a level of connection and intimacy that is inescapable. I found the accounts in this book to be honest in this regard as much as I can tell from the writing. The author was also open about his thought processes, mistakes, and shortcomings.
As much as my former advisors and professors would probably be disappointed, I love psychoanalysis. I love its fantastical focus on the unconscious and all of the things that we can't possibly measure. I love that it's near impossible to quantify and study like biopsychology or cognitive neuroscience, which is what most of my education was based on when I went to school for psychology.
I would say that this book is not really a biography of borderline personality disorder such that a complete beginner could pick it up and learn about it. I saw it as more of an expansion on the rather one-dimensional way that the disorder is viewed by many today. Kriss weaves together the long history of maladies attributed to women and argues that hysteria and related diagnoses of the past are older names for the same syndrome now known as borderline personality disorder. As a result, I think it will work better for folks with a foundational understanding of the current definition and manifestations of bpd diagnoses.
One of the best parts about how this book does history is that Kriss discusses the social position of the psychologists and theorists he is focused on. I went through years of school and psychology classes learning about dead men and their thoughts on the womens brains without ever learning which ones of them were slavers. We never discussed how Sigmund Freud being Jewish affected his place in the field and how he approached topics. We never discussed how American capitalism would be used to shape the direction of psychology when certain ideas arrived from overseas. There was rarely any discussion of patriarchy or privilege. Freud as a name was always attributed to Sigmund, not Anna, despite the latter having far more accurate and grounded beliefs albeit still problematic. I felt that I learned so much more about these various theorists by understanding their position in the world at the time.
One of the most surprising things to me is that Sigmund Freud, Sándor Ferenczi, and others were actually closer to reality in the beginning of their theories about why women are suffering (sexual abuse and exposure to trauma) before Freud decided to go extra misogynistic and buried his own history and Ferenczi's work. Through all of these histories, Kriss makes it pretty impossible to deny how current day treatment of borderline personality disorder isn't a whole lot better or more evolved than the treatment of Hysteria in the past. It might even be worse in terms of predicting the ability to heal because at least in the past it wasn't assumed that the patient was doomed as soon as the label was slapped on them.
Kriss also covers more modern day manifestations of care for borderline personality disorder and disorders related to traumatic experience. He has more favorable yet still nuanced takes on dialectical behavioral therapy and treatments around post-traumatic stress. He discusses as well the ways in which psychoanalytic concepts such as splitting were redefined as if they were new concepts with labels like multiple personality disorder. There is a case study he is careful to discuss with someone I would argue was manipulated by an internet "friend" into believing they have "dissociative identity disorder" and played the part. Kriss seems to argue more that people all have varying degrees of splitting into other personalities in one way or another, some of which are dysfunctional and some of which are just normal. It's more complicated than that, but that would make this a very long review.
Kriss has a lot to say about the DSM and modern day psychology centering it. Rightfully so. Something I learned in particular from this book was that PTSD being entered into the DSM was the first time that a disorder symptomology included an external event being the cause. Everything else is about problems with the individual. That is bananas to me. I knew this problematic aspect of diagnostic practices but had no idea that the environment was that absent from the DSM.
I will share one quote that stood out to me regarding how many paradigms claim we must create a new self while mourning the old one we somehow lost to a trauma or illness:
"We always add, never subtract. All the way down to the psychotic core, we can only be ourselves and the things that happen to us, that make us ill, also have the potential to serve as sources of empathy and ideas that challenge a toxic status quo."
Overall I really liked this compassionate psychoanalytic foray into the previously unknown to me long history of borderline personality disorder. I hope it will foster more empathy toward those with the label and lead to better outcomes for them and the world that we share.
This was also posted to my blog and storygraph.
July 24, 2024
Might be interesting to an older generation of readers but frankly just feels like a pious psychologist actually telling their own story with one borderline patient. Nothing new/interesting/groundbreaking to be felt in this book. And this dude sounds like an obnoxious therapist.
August 18, 2024
When the 3rd story of ANOTHER BPD woman lusting after the author (in the first quarter of the book) started, I closed the book. There are a million different ways that a Dr. could share his/her experience treating a patient with BPD - (or any diagnosis for that matter) and this shouldn't be one of them. Very self serving.
January 5, 2025
This was a really interesting history of psychology, that included a lot of history I wasn’t aware of and gave more depth to some parts that I was. Like UNSHRUNK later in the year, this made me question the fidelity of our current psychiatric model, although in this case from the perspective of a practitioner whose questioning of it probably just makes him more competent than a prescriptivist. I enjoyed his conversations with his patient–always a dicey proposition, including patients in your psych book, because the power dynamic is weird and it puts the humanity of the patient at risk against the author’s intellectual curiosity, but it was an interesting breather between historical segments. The biggest problem faced by Kriss is that in a way, his thesis is hamstrung by the same problem faced by every era of mental health conceptualization and treatment that he’s describing as inadequate: to a degree, diagnoses aren’t real, and in addition our understanding of brains and human behavior changes frequently and remains pathetically limited. Therefore, writing a millennia-spanning history of a single diagnosis is virtually impossible, because the diagnosis is a symptom-lumping 20th century guess, and what you’re calling 1st century borderline might be, for example, actually 1st century bipolar, which probably isn’t what we think it is either.
//
Review to come if I can sit down and wrestle one out of my thoughts about all of this.
//
Review to come if I can sit down and wrestle one out of my thoughts about all of this.
March 4, 2025
I have mixed feelings about this book. The author and I clearly operate from different theoretical frameworks (look no further than him calling people with BPD “borderlines”), and the chapters about his sessions with Ana rubbed me the wrong way so many times. He’s super psychodynamic which isn’t always bad and there were a few nuggets of wisdom (the section about love challenged me in a way that I found ultimately useful). But for me he just centered himself in a way that went against every social worker bone in my body. I did real enjoy learning the history of DBT and the CBT critiques at the end, but ended up skimming a lot of the rest.
January 22, 2025
This book impressed me. I’ve read many books on BPD, all of which usually repeat the same information packaged in a slightly different way. This one was unique.
I loved how the author alternated between telling the story of how the BPD diagnosis came to be and discussing his experiences with his patients with BPD, focusing heavily on his relationship with one patient that he saw for many years. I understand why many people critique his inclusion of his experience with this patient, but I found it to be a bold choice. While he may have made controversial comments, he was being very honest and giving us an authentic glimpse into the perspective of the therapist, which is something that these types of books often lack.
The historical component of this book provides information on far more than solely BPD. The author walks his readers through the waves of psychology that have taken place over the past few centuries, explaining the different schools of thought and theories that eventually gave birth to the BPD diagnosis. There was a heavy emphasis on hysteria and the way it was viewed in Freudian times, explaining how this eventually gave birth to the BPD diagnosis in the modern DSM. While the focus is on BPD, it is easy to get a feel for the general trajectory the field of psychology has taken.
I hope to read more from Alexander Kriss.
I loved how the author alternated between telling the story of how the BPD diagnosis came to be and discussing his experiences with his patients with BPD, focusing heavily on his relationship with one patient that he saw for many years. I understand why many people critique his inclusion of his experience with this patient, but I found it to be a bold choice. While he may have made controversial comments, he was being very honest and giving us an authentic glimpse into the perspective of the therapist, which is something that these types of books often lack.
The historical component of this book provides information on far more than solely BPD. The author walks his readers through the waves of psychology that have taken place over the past few centuries, explaining the different schools of thought and theories that eventually gave birth to the BPD diagnosis. There was a heavy emphasis on hysteria and the way it was viewed in Freudian times, explaining how this eventually gave birth to the BPD diagnosis in the modern DSM. While the focus is on BPD, it is easy to get a feel for the general trajectory the field of psychology has taken.
I hope to read more from Alexander Kriss.
August 20, 2025
This book was half memoir, half history lesson in the field of psychiatry. I appreciated the focus on social justice with regards to diagnosing patients/clients. The author gives an incredibly human, realistic view of what it's like to be a therapist-- the doubts, the occasional loss of words, and the connection (love) that you develop for the people you work with. This was refreshing. Reading this leveled me up professionally and helped me further conceptualize my work with people who suffer with BPD.
May 11, 2024
Amazing book. A must read for anyone who works with patients who have a diagnosis of bpd.
July 31, 2025
I feel like I read this insanely fast for a nonfiction. 10/10 recommend if you know a borderliner or are curious about it!
March 17, 2025
I've read several books about BPD, and this was probably my favourite one.
September 9, 2024
5/5
“what is bpd? it’s love and hate, i guess…it’s living inside a mirror, reflecting everyone around you. it’s flat and confined…but i learned how to step outside of it and into the three-dimensional world.”
this was the second book i finished while waiting at the airport for my flight home from nyc. and oh my god. this was the first book i’ve ever read on bpd and it just captured the experience so well?? i teared up several times from seeing such a familiar experience to me be represented. it was so meaningful for me to learn about stories like these, whether it was knowledge i already knew or new insight i picked up.
i highly recommend this book to anyone who either has bpd or wants to learn more about bpd to support a loved one with bpd. these stories are very real and the world could use a little more bpd/mental health representation in my humble opinion (this review is also my way of outing myself to my friends about having bpd i guess lol)
and to close off this review, i’ll include an excerpt from the very last page of this book because it was #painful:
in early march 2020, ana came into my office and sat down, as she had countless times before. we didn't know it at the time, but it would be one of the last times we'd meet in that office. she kind of floated in, a wistful look on her face.
after a pause, i asked, "what’s on your mind?"
"i was on the elevator just now," she said. "i was alone. and suddenly i imagined that next to me was me, as a child. a little girl in a cute dress, looking up at me." she swallowed hard. i could see tears welling in her eyes. those familiar mirrors i’d first looked into all those years ago. "the world hadn't broken her yet. hadn’t made her believe she was broken. i imagined reaching out my hand to her. she took it. and as the doors opened, i said to her, ‘come with me. come with me. it’s going to be all right.’”
“what is bpd? it’s love and hate, i guess…it’s living inside a mirror, reflecting everyone around you. it’s flat and confined…but i learned how to step outside of it and into the three-dimensional world.”
this was the second book i finished while waiting at the airport for my flight home from nyc. and oh my god. this was the first book i’ve ever read on bpd and it just captured the experience so well?? i teared up several times from seeing such a familiar experience to me be represented. it was so meaningful for me to learn about stories like these, whether it was knowledge i already knew or new insight i picked up.
i highly recommend this book to anyone who either has bpd or wants to learn more about bpd to support a loved one with bpd. these stories are very real and the world could use a little more bpd/mental health representation in my humble opinion (this review is also my way of outing myself to my friends about having bpd i guess lol)
and to close off this review, i’ll include an excerpt from the very last page of this book because it was #painful:
in early march 2020, ana came into my office and sat down, as she had countless times before. we didn't know it at the time, but it would be one of the last times we'd meet in that office. she kind of floated in, a wistful look on her face.
after a pause, i asked, "what’s on your mind?"
"i was on the elevator just now," she said. "i was alone. and suddenly i imagined that next to me was me, as a child. a little girl in a cute dress, looking up at me." she swallowed hard. i could see tears welling in her eyes. those familiar mirrors i’d first looked into all those years ago. "the world hadn't broken her yet. hadn’t made her believe she was broken. i imagined reaching out my hand to her. she took it. and as the doors opened, i said to her, ‘come with me. come with me. it’s going to be all right.’”
May 17, 2024
I’m between a 3/3.5 on this because I found the case study interesting and the backstory/history behind BPD but it felt poorly structured to me. DBT is considered to be the best therapeutic technique to help clients with BPD and for it to be relegated to a quick chapter at the end felt weird especially since it’s the most utilized with BPD. I did appreciate the long history and tracing BPD through the years, but also did we really need that? That could have been time discussing diagnostic criteria, how presentation varies from person to person, and examples from other clients and not just the singular one to show what presentation looks like. With that being said I like that it shows the full development of the case study subject and ends in a positive manner.
Read
July 3, 2025i have to let you know that the author wrote about how his patient was sooooo down bad for him, not once, not twice, but three separate times with three separate women. there's this whole stigma around "promiscuity" and bpd women being obsessed with sex that could have been addressed here, especially since he keeps patting himself on the back for being groundbreakingly feminist with this novel. and yet, he fell short every time. and then on top of it, he suggested that this was a casual thing for a client with bpd to feel about their therapist. so um... that's not true!
besides that, yeah okay the book was fine. but not everyone wants to fuck u dude. get over it.
besides that, yeah okay the book was fine. but not everyone wants to fuck u dude. get over it.
December 24, 2025
Wow! Was recommended this book by a friend who is focusing their clinical psych work on personality disorders.
Super interesting and informative, while still feeling very human. I liked the oscillation between historic context on the development of bpd as a formal diagnosis with stories about the author’s work with his patient, Ana.
At times, I had a hard time following the historic context sections bc I don’t have a Psych background and wasn’t familiar with many of the terms and key figures. In general, the historic context sections were paced a little weirdly. So I took a star off for that. But really I think this is like a 4.25.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book and feel that it has made me a more empathetic person. I love the way the author talks about how bpd is inherently tied to problematic views of “female hysteria” and challenges us to consider what it truly means to be: normal, understandable, treatable, etc.
I particularly like this phrase that comes near the end: "We always add, never subtract. All the way down to the psychotic core, we can only be ourselves and the things that happen to us, that make us ill, also have the potential to serve as sources of empathy and ideas that challenge a toxic status quo."
Super interesting and informative, while still feeling very human. I liked the oscillation between historic context on the development of bpd as a formal diagnosis with stories about the author’s work with his patient, Ana.
At times, I had a hard time following the historic context sections bc I don’t have a Psych background and wasn’t familiar with many of the terms and key figures. In general, the historic context sections were paced a little weirdly. So I took a star off for that. But really I think this is like a 4.25.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book and feel that it has made me a more empathetic person. I love the way the author talks about how bpd is inherently tied to problematic views of “female hysteria” and challenges us to consider what it truly means to be: normal, understandable, treatable, etc.
I particularly like this phrase that comes near the end: "We always add, never subtract. All the way down to the psychotic core, we can only be ourselves and the things that happen to us, that make us ill, also have the potential to serve as sources of empathy and ideas that challenge a toxic status quo."
February 17, 2025
disclaimers that i don't have a background in psychology or bpd, but read this on a friend's recommendation -- even from my unprofessional background, this is well-read, though it takes a little additional effort on the reader's behalf to get through some of the dense chapters on the early history of pertinent clinical psychology. i don't doubt that this provides a needed angle of bpd studies that, more than anything else, considers people with bpd empathetically as real people. this also definitely gave me perspective on the relationship between therapist and patient, which i'd never fully considered the extent to which it works both ways -- the therapist is in the patient's life, and exists in her consciousness outside of sessions, but the same is true of the patient in the therapist's consciousness. there were definitely times where i wondered if Kriss' relationship with Ana, the patient with whom he developed the closest relationship with, was... normal, but it seemed that Kriss may have had that same question.
July 8, 2024
I found this to be an extremely thought-provoking and informative look at an often misunderstood diagnosis and its history. However, there were some parts that I didn’t totally follow and left me a bit confused. I thought Kriss did a great job of approaching the topic with nuance and compassion. It was interesting to read about Kriss’s interactions with his patients and his thought processes throughout those conversations. Including these undoubtedly gave the book a more human element, even if my gut reaction is some discomfort with his power over shaping the narrative. Ultimately I guess it feels slightly ironic to be written by a man.
July 8, 2024
I won this book on a Goodreads Giveaway and was excited to read it. I've taken psychology classes but this was a really great, focused retrospective on the history and evolution of psychology. I've never read specifically about borderline and I came away feeling like I have a much better understanding of how it's connected to many modern mental health topics and other diagnoses. Really gives a renewed sense of perspective on how new and theoretical everything really is. In the grand scheme, and especially in medicine, our understandings are still being formed and evolving as society is rapidly changing. Would definitely recommend this read to anyone who is interested.
July 11, 2024
I really learned a lot from reading this book. I have a better understanding of borderline personality disorder (bpd), in general, and a broader understanding of the history and progression of diagnosing mental health conditions beginning with Freud through the various versions of the DSM through to today. This book has piqued my interest to learn more about bpd and how various counseling modalities might benefit in the treatment of bpd.
January 27, 2025
This book was pretty disappointing. I was interested in reading it bc I know a handful of people who I have long suspected have borderline personality disorder and I wanted to learn more about it. This book was mostly boring and I don’t actually feel like I learned much. A lot of it was the history of modern psychology, starting from Freud through present day and that wasn’t what I came to this book looking for. Good audiobook.
May 10, 2024
I found it thought-provoking and compassionate. On a rare occasion, the history of therapy got lost in the weeds, or there was a male energy that didn't feel as consistently feminist as I'd hoped for. Nonetheless, I highly recommend it; I learned so much about human nature and meaning-making, and found much to apply in my work in the helping professions.
May 22, 2024
4.5 ⭐️
abandoned-dnf
October 23, 2024DNF @ 13%.
Getting really tired of nonfiction being more memoir than alleged topic. Also, getting tired of authors who can’t stay on topic long enough to finish a complete thought.
Getting really tired of nonfiction being more memoir than alleged topic. Also, getting tired of authors who can’t stay on topic long enough to finish a complete thought.
June 10, 2025
I really enjoyed the history and explanation of borderline. I felt like i got a better perspective and enjoyed it.
Read
June 30, 2024Overall, a great book. I could see this being assigned in psych classes because it gives such a good historical overview with commentary and prompts that inspire thought. I was hoping for more of the therapy stories, because I found those to be the most compelling parts. There is a lot of great insight into psychology as a field that comes from a place of curiosity and compassion. It offers a perspective that is expensive rather than reductive.
July 3, 2024
I didn’t get much from this book. I still don’t understand BPD. Some of the ramblings about the authors’ patients were interesting, but not that interesting.
Read
March 1, 2025This really surprised me. Most nonfiction psychology books are distractions for me that I rarely end up finishing. I enjoyed and learned a good deal from this one, both in terms of the broad history of psychological therapy and BPD that it provides, and also for the personal connection I feel with the patients, symptoms, and treatments discussed. I've never been formally diagnosed as BPD (though it's informally come up many times), but I certainly had the sort of upbringing that caused it, and Ana's story (as retold by her therapist) evoked a lot of my own experiences and maladaptive behaviors.
There's a lot of compassion, frustration, and information to process here. You can tell that Dr. Kriss had ambitions of being a writer before going full-on into psychotherapy, given the wonderful balance between the anecdotal retelling of his treatment of Ana and a few other patients and the historical 'biography' he weaves of BPD, which ultimately ends up being a biography of 'the talking cure' itself, from antiquity to present-day.
I enjoy being pleasantly surprised, and I finished this one feeling as such. Would recommend if, like me, you strongly suspect you have at least one foot on the BPD train, if not both. I feel like I understand myself a bit better having read this.
There's a lot of compassion, frustration, and information to process here. You can tell that Dr. Kriss had ambitions of being a writer before going full-on into psychotherapy, given the wonderful balance between the anecdotal retelling of his treatment of Ana and a few other patients and the historical 'biography' he weaves of BPD, which ultimately ends up being a biography of 'the talking cure' itself, from antiquity to present-day.
I enjoy being pleasantly surprised, and I finished this one feeling as such. Would recommend if, like me, you strongly suspect you have at least one foot on the BPD train, if not both. I feel like I understand myself a bit better having read this.
January 10, 2025
i thoroughly enjoyed this. if u have a BPD diagnosis, u should read this. this is the most compassionate book i've read about BPD. it made me feel less crazy and incredibly validated. honestly my jaw dropped when reading the summary because i didn't know anyone else was thinking like this. there were so many similarities between ana and i that it almost felt like reading a book about myself. it was an eerie experience. years ago i half jokingly tweeted "they diagnosed me with BPD because they couldn't diagnose me with female hysteria" but shit LMAO. i took my time with this book cuz it kinda blew my mind and challenged my preconceived notions about BPD and DBT. it was an emotional read for me. dr kriss and ana heavily reminded me of my therapist and i. the part talking about the internet's obsession with labeling and categorizing oneself was a READ. i do wish there was more talk about BPD recovery and remission. at the end of the day, i have a complicated relationship with my diagnosis but i'm learning to accept the grey areas in life.
December 27, 2024
This was a fascinating and emotional read for me. I have BPD and am always trying to learn more about it to better understand myself.
The history was interesting in a sad way. And an infuriating one. But it was amazing to see all of the connections that he made going back oh so many years where people kept seeing and recognizing the disorder as "something" but then giving up completely on trying to explain or treat it. Amazing AND infuriating.
He gave me new ways to look at certain things about myself. I'd go so far as to say healthier ways to describe traits that I have. If a thing stops sounding so ugly does that take some of its power away? I think it might. But I was also challenged by reading about things that I didn't realize were unhealthy thoughts. I suppose when your brain has been operating in a disordered manner for as long as your memory goes back that it can take years to unravel the entire mess of it. Certainly doesn't give me hope but then again little does.
I teared up more than a few times. Part from being seen and part from learning how many people had intentionally looked (or still do look) away when it became too difficult to explain or understand or treat. I understand that progress was made over the entirety of the psychological discipline but I can't deny wishing that someone at some point had not dismissed BPD as impossible to treat in lieu of moving to an illness they could receive professional acclaim for explaining or developing a treatment for. And I'm angry. The sadness is always accompanied by anger.
Did he do a little bit of personal horn tooting? Sure. But why does that have to be viewed as a bad thing all the time? I have ALWAYS read that psychologists either refuse to treat borderlines at all or only so many at a time because we're so "difficult". I read that so much (and other even less flattering descriptions) that it became my own opinion of myself. And now here comes this guy basically saying without saying that it can be a problem with the therapist (either their understanding of BPD or lack thereof) or treatment plan they choose. FINALLY.
Thank you. Thank you for writing this book.
The history was interesting in a sad way. And an infuriating one. But it was amazing to see all of the connections that he made going back oh so many years where people kept seeing and recognizing the disorder as "something" but then giving up completely on trying to explain or treat it. Amazing AND infuriating.
He gave me new ways to look at certain things about myself. I'd go so far as to say healthier ways to describe traits that I have. If a thing stops sounding so ugly does that take some of its power away? I think it might. But I was also challenged by reading about things that I didn't realize were unhealthy thoughts. I suppose when your brain has been operating in a disordered manner for as long as your memory goes back that it can take years to unravel the entire mess of it. Certainly doesn't give me hope but then again little does.
I teared up more than a few times. Part from being seen and part from learning how many people had intentionally looked (or still do look) away when it became too difficult to explain or understand or treat. I understand that progress was made over the entirety of the psychological discipline but I can't deny wishing that someone at some point had not dismissed BPD as impossible to treat in lieu of moving to an illness they could receive professional acclaim for explaining or developing a treatment for. And I'm angry. The sadness is always accompanied by anger.
Did he do a little bit of personal horn tooting? Sure. But why does that have to be viewed as a bad thing all the time? I have ALWAYS read that psychologists either refuse to treat borderlines at all or only so many at a time because we're so "difficult". I read that so much (and other even less flattering descriptions) that it became my own opinion of myself. And now here comes this guy basically saying without saying that it can be a problem with the therapist (either their understanding of BPD or lack thereof) or treatment plan they choose. FINALLY.
Thank you. Thank you for writing this book.
July 12, 2024
A history of borderline personality disorder interwoven with a therapist’s clinical experience working with individuals presenting with that disorder.
It’s not perfect but I believe anyone provides therapy to people with BPD needs to read this, and those experiencing it and people who care for people that do will also benefit.
It’s a fun yet disconcerting fact that the DSM is literally made up. Yes, some disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia CLEARLY have a biological etiology and clear diagnostic criteria. However, for many of the disorders in the DSM, just because there’s internal logical consistency with how clusters of symptoms seem to go together doesn’t make what (mostly white, highly educated, financially privileged, male, cis, straight) American psychiatrists say completely true. This is a nice deconstruction of just one questionable and highly misunderstood diagnoses.
One criticism I have is that the author toes the line between acknowledging systemic inequalities exists but also seemed to condemn the recent awakening that social determinants of mental health are legitimate. Of course a white male with generational wealth who becomes a psychoanalytic psychologist in New York City would see things this way. We’re all fish that haven’t heard of water, and I hope someone close to him can challenge him on this.
Otherwise, I found his account pretty honest and endearing. His self-reflections and willingness to provide such a safe and nonjudgmental space for some of the most challenging clients is commendable. As a therapist some of my favorite clients were those who presented with BDP, but also, some of my most difficult encounters were too. Not every therapist will be right for every client, but modeling like this will help a lot of therapists and those who need their support.
It’s not perfect but I believe anyone provides therapy to people with BPD needs to read this, and those experiencing it and people who care for people that do will also benefit.
It’s a fun yet disconcerting fact that the DSM is literally made up. Yes, some disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia CLEARLY have a biological etiology and clear diagnostic criteria. However, for many of the disorders in the DSM, just because there’s internal logical consistency with how clusters of symptoms seem to go together doesn’t make what (mostly white, highly educated, financially privileged, male, cis, straight) American psychiatrists say completely true. This is a nice deconstruction of just one questionable and highly misunderstood diagnoses.
One criticism I have is that the author toes the line between acknowledging systemic inequalities exists but also seemed to condemn the recent awakening that social determinants of mental health are legitimate. Of course a white male with generational wealth who becomes a psychoanalytic psychologist in New York City would see things this way. We’re all fish that haven’t heard of water, and I hope someone close to him can challenge him on this.
Otherwise, I found his account pretty honest and endearing. His self-reflections and willingness to provide such a safe and nonjudgmental space for some of the most challenging clients is commendable. As a therapist some of my favorite clients were those who presented with BDP, but also, some of my most difficult encounters were too. Not every therapist will be right for every client, but modeling like this will help a lot of therapists and those who need their support.
April 10, 2024
A difficult and somewhat freewheeling foray into borderline personality disorder (BPD). One part history lesson, one part (in no small amount queasy) recounting of various experiences with clientele, notably "Ana." The history lessons were rather loosely constrained to BPD and its forerunners. I appreciated the more personable glimpse at the development of psychiatry and psychology as professions. Kriss gives credit where it's due, writing in overlooked innovators (many of whom were women or otherwise less powerful than those that may spring to mind), including Freud's complicated nemesis Ferenczi and the unorthodox Linehan. I also appreciated the anti-sexist angle and recognition that so much of these boxes we craft (dare I say all?) are constructs of our own imagination, rife with bias and filtered through grids of power. At the same time, I was irked at the basic sexism here and there, such as every hypothetical being a man, and some uncomfortable choices of describing cases or incidents where the patient expressed sexual desires for Kriss. On this note, I couldn't help but be very, very conscious of the fact that Kriss has the power here, crafting the narrative of these experiences as he sees fit. He comes across as perfect, and his patients deeply disturbed. I hope this wasn't a stylistic choice to drive the point home. I also can't really say I've come away with a deeper understanding of BDP. I feel confused, if anything. I hope all of these BDP-framed folk are living their best lives.
Thanks to Edelweiss+ and Penguin Random House for the advance copy.
Thanks to Edelweiss+ and Penguin Random House for the advance copy.
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