Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide

by Bev Cobain, Jean Larch

Honest, gentle advice for those who have survived an unspeakable loss—the suicide of a loved one.

Surviving the heartbreak of a loved one's suicide - you don't have to go through it alone. Authors Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch break through suicide's silent stigma in Dying to Be Free, offering gentle advice for those left behind, so that healing can begin.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Self Help

147 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 20, 2005

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you walk the hard journey as a survivor of a loved one’s suicide, know that I walk as your companion.
This book gives insight into why people complete suicide- personality tendencies and the state of mind which might lead one to that ultimate act. There are warning signs and suggestions of how to act with someone you are concerned may be contemplating suicide- perhaps even yourself. You may find this book healing, since every person’s healing journey is different. This book may bring you comfort, especially if you are consumed with the why’s of a loved one’s death by suicide. It may alleviate some anger as it shines understanding on the deep complicated problem. But be aware that if you are a survivor, it may also cause some discomfort as you deal with your loss, your thoughts of your loved one, and your own past actions in light of this information.
For my own journey, I felt Alan Wolfelt’s book and journal Understanding Your Suicide Grief focused much more on the experience as a survivor and how to incorporate the death of a loved one (eventually) into a fulfilling life. It better satisfied the subtitle of this book (A Healing Guide for Families) for me personally.

[MC Yeomans-Washington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't want to give this any stars for the sole reason that this is a book I never wanted to have to read. But, here we are. And because we are here, I found this practical and helpful. I had to read this in small pieces, as it often provoked an emotional response. I think this is a good book to start out with if you are in the aftermath of a suicide and decide that reading and research might help you heal. That is where I am at right now 5 months after Jack's death, at least.

[Shweta · Rating 4 out of 5]

After the loss of someone who was tremendously close to me, my sibling ordered many books relating to suicide and grief. This is one of the eighteen books that hit right in the chest. I am specially impressed by their emphasis on stories and spiritual tales of people that went through this enormous loss. Never once did I find that I have to prove the gravity of the situation because the author very well understood the pain and penned it down beautifully. The entire experience of reading this felt like I am sitting with an experienced guide who is able to articulate my own torment to me so as to make the whole situation extremely clear while also providing hope on a silver platter. I recommend.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book, but very powerful. Statistics on prevalence of suicide and yet the difficulty in predicting and preventing. Formula for suicide: "psychache" + thought of death as an escape. I found the chapter called "The Fatal Journey" especially helpful in my attempt to understand why Josh made his decision seven months ago. A couple of chapters are devoted to the grieving process of survivors and some helpful thoughts on how to cope. A chapter called "Staying Alive" is relevant for those who know someone who is suicidal or struggles with suicide. The last chapter recounts stories of the connection between survivor and loved one who died.

[Della Greenawalt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read many books about widowhood, death, grieving, but this is by far the best book I have read. It has helped me to understand why people choose to leave this world.

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by Curt Cobain's qualified relative, Aunt Beverly Cobain, and Jean Larch, this short book brings to life the sad and prevelent deaths by suiccide. The authors give ideas for prevention. The stories are really heartbreaking, and so powerfully poignant since I recently lost my sister to an overdose suiccide. Hold your loved ones close.

[Lori Beninger · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Powerful Truth

Having recently lost my brother to suicide, this book validated the helpless anger and pain and frustration of such a loss. There are no answers here...but a strong verification that those of us surviving are not alone.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Free reading on Audible til 7/29/25

A great support book/resource for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one due to suicide or who want to support those who have.

This MAY be a good resource for those with suicidal ideation, too, but honestly, probably not the best resource to calm ideation. I would suggest using your best judgement here and maybe read it yourself, first, before recommending to those in the throes of suicidal ideation.

The first portions of the book discuss all the “positives” to committing suicide that go thru the suicidal mind. I really don’t think I’d suggest this to someone with active suicidal ideation but maybe to someone who’s had a lot of growth, has a suicide safety plan and is determined to act on the safety plan, etc.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

How do I write a review over something that is so sad and very personal and upsetting to most.

First, I didn’t realize that Kurt Cobain’s cousin was involved with the writing and I can’t Imagine the added in angst of going over and over stories from people that should have helped. I wonder sometimes if my brother committed
suicide or if he really felt “that he could be tougher than God”and make it out on the coldest week in 100 yrs. I’ll never know. And I’ve had to learn to deal with puppy playing when I’d rather have my brother and his cat, Bonnie

The book is very helpful for the family left behind and really is well written

[Victoria Myers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a solid resource during my early grief journey—one I’d include among the more helpful books I read on suicide loss. Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch offer practical advice and emotional encouragement, especially for those just beginning to process the shock and confusion. Their tone is gentle and nonjudgmental, and the book provides a good foundation for understanding the unique pain of suicide grief. While it may not have been the most personally impactful for me, it still offered meaningful insights that I think many will find beneficial and informative. It’s a compassionate and accessible guide for anyone newly facing this kind of loss.

[Charlotte Nash]

I lost my Dad In October 2019, sadly he took his own life..This book was so good for me it really helped me to understand what he must of been dealing with and that the feelings I felt weren't crazy, I honestly feel like this booked opened up my heart, mind and eyes and I feel like I'm finally ready to begin my own personal journey to healing. Highly recommend this book if you are experiencing any feelings like this, or know someone who is, or lost someone due to this, or even if you would like to just understand it more.

[Jeannine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a gift from a Texas charity supporting families impacted by suicide, following my son's death. So much of it resonated, and I found myself relating to several of the stories about survivors, as well as the factors that drive someone to believe that they need to kill the pain (and themselves in the process). I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with the aftermath of suicide. It isn't a terribly long book, but it has so much to offer grieving families.

[Ashley Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm in a doctoral program for clinical psychology and this is one of the best clinical/psychology books I have read to date. Helpful for clinicians as well as family members/friends who have lost someone to suicide. Great book!

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me get into the mind of the suicidal person, and the tunnel of pain and emotions that makes death seem like the only choice. It also provided hope for survivors in the form of many personal stories of healing

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tough but helpful read. Something about the style makes it clear that the authors get how deeply suicide injures those left behind. Very plain spoken and does a lot of examination of suicidal thinking that may be helpful to those left bewildered.

[Suramya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short read and hits all the emotional torment I’m living through. Reading it was like a having someone make a checklist of my survivor experience taken directly from my brain and put into words. Broke me open and helped process a lot of feelings. Highly recommend.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful

This is a thoughtful and well written book with a healing message. It is worth the purchase. God Bless You.

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short read I found helpful

Losing anyone to suicide requires some understanding. This book helps give you some answers, some peace and a new perspective.

[Jessica Sellers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pray this book gives all its readers hope.

[Bruce Malarky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some intensely revealing insight into how someone can get to a point where life seems unlivable, the aftermath on those who love them and the healing required to reconcile the complex emotions.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was definitely an eye-opener and helped me to understand my son's psyche and also that it was not my fault

[Clivemichael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Suggestions and support for survivors and family with many examples/cases and reflections

[Maddox · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mean I’m not the target audience but it was cool to here peoples personal experiences

[Susan Bauder · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed to read this now, as a traumatic event happened in our family in December 2023. This book helped me to understand the mind of a person who has taken their own life.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful resource. Concise. Thoughtful.
The final chapter about continuing connections resonated deeply.

[Erin Petrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This might be helpful to read after suffering the loss of someone to suicide.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative book that I hope you never need to read.

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really worth reading for anyone dealing with this type of grief. Very supportive and helpful.

[April Hardy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was extremely helpful, in a difficult time. I would give it 4.5 stars.

[Christine Cento · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you know someone who has died by suicide or just want to learn more about how someones mind works who is contemplating suicide, this is the book! A quick, easy read with great information.