Fishers of Men: The Gospel of an Ayahuasca Vision Quest

by Adam Elenbaas

In the tradition of memoirs like Daniel Pinchbeck's 2012 and Jim Carroll's The Basketball Diaries, Adam Elenbaas's Fishers of Men chronicles his journey from intense self-destruction and crippling depression to self-acceptance, inner awareness, and spiritual understanding, through participation in mindexpanding-and healing ayahuasca ceremonies in South America and beyond. From his troubled and rebellious youth as a Methodist minister's son in Minnesota, to his sex and substance abuse-fueled downward spiral in Chicago and New York, culminating in a depressive breakdown, Elenbaas is plagued by a feeling of emptiness and a desperate search for meaning for most of his young life. After hitting rock bottom at his grandfather's house in rural Michigan, a chance experience with psychedelic mushrooms convinces him that he must change his ways to achieve the sense of peace that he has always desired. Several subsequent psychedelic experiences inspire him to embark on a quest to South America and take part in a shamanic ceremony, where he consumes ayahuasca, a jungle vine revered for its spiritual properties. Over the course of nearly forty ayahuasca ceremonies during four years, Elenbaas discovers the truth about his own life and past, and begins to mend himself from the inside out. Fishers of Men is the gripping, heartbreaking, and yet ultimately uplifting story of the power to transcend one's past.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Spirituality, Astrology, Biography

291 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 8, 2010

About the author

Originally from Minneapolis/St. Paul, Adam Elenbaas holds a B.A. in philosophy, an M.A. in English literature, and an MFA in creative writing. A recovered Christian fundamentalist, Elenbaas is a contributing editor for realitysandwich.com. He lives in New York City.

Reviews

[George Ilsley · Rating 3 out of 5]

As anyone who has ever tried to write about dreams knows, capturing the ephemeral realms of the imagination in prose is extremely difficult, and typically, almost completely uninteresting to the reader.

Elenbaas has the same problem here, conveying the hallucinations of his medicine journeys. Don't get me wrong; I believe these are valid healing journeys, it's just very hard to write about them, and they become the dreary facets of this jewel.

The author's relationship with his father is really the spine and the skeleton of this memoir. The weakest element is the exploration and the meaning of Christianity. While the author's conclusions are perfectly reasonable, the ground has been mined for centuries, and only a young writer who grew up over-dosed in church culture would find the territory interesting enough to pore over.

[Cynde Moya]

Kids these days, they just fly off to Peru for 3+K and go to ayahuasca ceremonies. More memoir and personal healing, with some descriptions of the other side of the veil.

A Methodist Pastor's son who rebelled by becoming a Baptist. A very insincere, hypocritical Baptist at that (is there any other kind?) The vine managed to remove most of his inauthenticy, but an undertone of self-righteousness remains, like a nauseating flavor. Especially in the two numbered bits of life-advice that he says are things he learned. Stuff like eat well, practice yoga, and occasionally try celibacy. It's like he still can't shake the poison he imbibed at Bethel, and can't help himself from giving advice on the best way for us to lead our lives. Except now he is armed not with the bible, but rather with the vine.

Even so, I have returned to the book a few times, searching for more depth, or at least a concrete reason as to why it makes me feel so angry.

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

A pretty interesting life story. Very MFA-y writing. I cringed so often- I'm working my way through the The Writer's Portable Mentor as the Next Step Toward Taking Writing More Seriously and I could basically see which paragraphs corresponded to which exercises. I'm sure his writing was worse before he Made a Lexicon and practiced Writing Gesture, but I am terrified I am going to turn myself into one of those writers. It's all so awkwardly vivid and "crafted" with a lot of stilted introspection, but no soul... Well, he got published and I write in my diary, so there's that to consider. I guess not everybody is James Baldwin.

[Patricia Torres · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't know what I was expecting to find in this book but whatever it was I didn't find it.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was frustrating in some sense, but hard to put a finger on it. It was heartbreaking in some other ways. I think I'll come back later to write a more comprehensive review on the book but I picked this obscure little novel up at my local library after watching a Youtube documentary on Ayahuasca and I found this. It mixes faith with psychedelics, and as a questioning believer of the Christian faith, I was curious on how these two topics mix together in one book, let alone one life.

This is the type of book that I wish I could talk to other people about, but I feel like they wouldn't understand it... the people who are here know what its like.

[Kathryn Jarrett Lyons · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Timely Book For Me

I loved this story of Adam's spiritual journey. It described his own healing that supported a deep family healing, as well. I learned about this book because he is now later in life a well-known astrologer and Bhakti practitioner, husband, father and good-human being. Like me, he gratefully struggles on.

[Aruna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book was very therapeutic.

[Stellium Astrology · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put it down

Has all the ingredients of a compelling read, communicated in the image invoking spell craft of Adam’s storytelling ability. What a journey.

[Jakub · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vijay and I had met Jimmy Flowers a year before, handing out giant loaves of bread to anyone who wanted one. It was our first visit to San Francisco together, and it was before I had an unexpected vision quest of my own that had rocked my world later that summer.

We ran into Jimmy Flowers under the yellow glow of street lights, at least a hundred books lined up on the street on a blue tarp. He was rising money to be able to buy seeds for his beautification project. I did not see running into him as a coincidence, and I knew I had to buy a book to support him.

"Pick the book that calls to you" Jimmy told me after I asked what he would recommend. There were many books who's titles caught my attention, but there was no doubt about which book I would take. Fishers of Men was calling my name.

Today I finally finished Adam Elenbaas' book. Vijay and I had been reading it out load to each other for over a year, usually before going to bed, but from Chapter 24 I read to myself, hearing my own voice only in my mind, just as I hear myself type these very words, only interrupted by the impact of my fingers on the black MacBook keyboard and the humming of the refrigerator.

Adam's life journey from childhood to age twenty-eight, told through his Ayahuasca Vision Quests in Peru, weaved with family history, was exactly what I needed. After seeing the world in a very different light one evening while camping, I needed someone to relate to. I needed to hear that there were others with my life experience who had chosen to see the light but keep living through the day. My experience was dwarfed in comparison to Adam's, and my appreciation for the Now has grown drastically through his.

This book takes a deep and genuine look into the wonderful and unexpected journey we experience as our life. Totally transparent and free in his descriptions of life, Adam lets the reader see him for who he is. From his most enlightened self, to the dark and scared fear based paradigms which had been passed down in his family for generations.

Totally engaging, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has had crazy dreams or vision. I would recommend it to anyone who feels betrayed by religion of family. I would pass it on to anyone who likes a good story that pulls you in and allows you to forget about the rest of the world. This book is totally magical and beautiful and I will definitely revisit it in the future.

Thank you Jimmy Flowers for letting this go from your private collection of beautiful books, and may the seed you bought flourish and beautify the streets of San Francisco.

[MikeFromQueens · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quick read - the writing was good. As for the lessons learned, I had no idea how common my own youthful thoughts and experiences were until the author told his stories. I am still wondering why he did not reflect on is own free will over his youthful indiscretions, as though he was driven to deeds by his father's acts. We all have choices, and in invoking Christian themes intermittently (and in the title of the book), I expected to read about guidance through the mine-fields of growing up. As Jesus had said, when I was a youth I thought and acted in youthful ways... and so we see in this work that the boy become a man, but with only find superficial Christian references. I did learn enough about the ayahuasca shaman approach as a tour guide for tripping as a parallel for psychotherapy with prescriptions.

[Joshua Armstrong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recently, spirituality has been a subject of intense interest for me. This book does exactly that, covers one man's journey into the spiritual realm Ayahuasca takes the individual. It does contain a lot of biographical information that isn't necessarily needed if you just want to hear about his experience with the Peruvian medicine. However, without this background information, it might not be feasible to show the immense change this experience has on the author's life.

I found the novel to be a great introduction to the experience of Ayahuasca, but certainly not the end-all be-all for this spiritual journey. Worth the read for anyone interested in how this experience can change your life, and whether or not it is something you would continue to be interested in. This is definitely not for those looking for a new recreational experience.

[David · Rating 1 out of 5]

Worst book I've read this year, from the puerile back-and-forth form which the writer clearly learned while getting his MFA and which might be the worst possible way to present his story, to the self-righteous tone which somehow all his experiences with ayahuasca have failed to purge. Despites many many chapters of his ayahuasca trips, he fails to convey what an ayahuasca ceremony feels like. Not to mention -- all right, I'll mention it -- that I have a hard time believing the writer has really progressed as far as he claims when he manages not to express any serious regret for the people he's harmed along the way, while seeming more than a little satisfied that he's now got his life together and knows way more than the rest of us about how to live.

[Ian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This just happens to be the first book about ayahuasca that arrived my way from the library. I expected it to be about a personal experience with this jungle medicine, yes, and it definitely is personal. I hadn't expected, however, how much it would be a memoir about his young life leading up to these ceremonies in the Amazon, and, in particular, how much it would deal with Christianity. This was initially a turn-off to me; I was raised Christian and I prefer to look forward, not back. But the honesty in his writing won me over, and his experiences of growing up as a pastor's kid with both moderate and evangelical religious beliefs become interesting pairing/constrast to his redefined sense of spirituality.

[Dr Goon Taco Supreme · Rating 1 out of 5]

The reason it took me so long to read this book is because I would literally read a page of it, and think, “Damn, this sucks” and then put the book down and look stuff up on the Internet instead.

The book was supposed to be about Ayahuasca, but instead it’s mostly a lame retelling of the author’s uninteresting life. He was very sad because his father cheated on his mother when he was a child. Boo hoo, cry me a river. That’s the lamest issue ever. Suck it up, buttercup.

Man, I was so disappointed in this book. The only parts worth reading were when the author described his Ayahusca experiences, and those times were far too few.

I say steer clear of this book because it’s boring and it sucks.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't definitively sure how I felt about this book at its mid-way point. The story had captivated me and was somewhat relatable for me personally, but I didn't care for the characters and the book lacked a concrete sense of linear progression. By the end, I realized that I enjoyed "Fishers of Men", but wasn't enthralled by Elenbaas' writing style. I doubt I would recommend this book to anyone unless I thought they would benefit from learning about ayahuasca and believed they would identify with the author's Christian background and set of experiences.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Someone very close to me has been attending Ayahuasca ceremonies and I wanted to understand more than just the facts that are presented on the internet. I picked this book up of a young man's search for healing through Ayahausca and felt very inspired by his story that it truly can heal as long as done for medicinal purposes. Thank you to Adam Elenbaas for sharing his journey. It has truly enlightened me to the possibilities of Ayahausca.

[Reiden · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Fishers of Men, short clips from Adam Elenbaas's adolescence are juxtaposed with his ayahuasca experiences throughout the more recent years of his life. I love the creative writing style in this book! The story is great, intense at times, easy to read, and filled with substance on every page.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

i was a bit skeptical to read an autobiographical account of a twenty something year old, but was then pleasantly surprised with the candid details that made this one a page turner. Adam's inner transformation brought about through his intense work with ayahuasca is evidenced throughout the book in the form of penetrating insight and honesty. this is an inspiring story i really enjoyed.

[C.G. Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

The flashbacks of animal cruelty seem excessive to the narrative being shared and feels more like either sensationalism or justification.

Otherwise, this is a narrative that rings true to this reviewer in many senses of the word, based on real life experience.

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating exploration of spirituality and Christianity's role in modern life; addiction, promiscuity and family trauma; plant medicine, the psychedelic experience, and the awakening of consciousness.

[Eric]

Exploration of Ayahuasca therapy.
Skilled first book. Forthright, affective. Left feeling short on his continued relationship with Evangelicalism, but that it is somehow the correct error for him.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it.

[Ken! · Rating 2 out of 5]

His discussion of the ayahuasca ceremonies were kind of interesting. I ended up just skipping most of his autobiographical chapters, though.