Ще те намеря, сине мой

by Carol Schaefer, Елена Милачкова - Анчева (Translator)

Едва завършила училище, Керъл ражда извънбрачно дете, което дава за осиновяване. Тя не може да го забрави, въпреки че след това има още две деца, и след 18 години тръгва да търси своя първороден син. Една книга за отговроността да бъдеш родител.

На 18 години Керъл завършва училище и като всяко момиче вижда бъдещия си живот изпълнен с любов, нежност, пътешествия... Но мечтите й не траят дълго. След няколко месеца, когато открива, че е бременна, тя се сблъсква и с безотговорността в живота. Любимият й Крис не иска и да чуе да става баща. Родителите на младото момиче решават, че детето трябва да бъде дадено за осиновяване, за да не опетни репутацията й.
Минават години, Керъл се омъжва, ражда две момчета, но тъгата по изоставеното дете не я напуска! След 18 години, когато нейният Джек навършва пълнолетие, тя тръгва да го търси. След близо две години авторката открива своя първороден син и тръпне от страх как ще я посрещне той...

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Memoir

256 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

Reviews

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this years ago when it first came out. And then I saw the Lifetime movie. And then I (naively) tracked down the author in the days prior to the Internet (1995) to tell her how very much I loved her book. Seriously. I contacted the publisher who told me where she lived (can you believe it?). I then called 411 and provided her hometown and her last name. Despite my stalker-like tendencies, she was nothing short of gracious.
Her perspective as a birthmother was the first I'd ever heard, besides my own. Although our stories are vastly different, the emotions she describes were spot-on for me. She is a brilliant writer and a pioneer in the effort to reform the corrupt parts of the adoption industry, while bringing light to the amazing benefits of open adoption.
I wanted to read this book again as she now has a follow-up memoir, "Searching...", that is also on my list to read.

[Debbie Lemaire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am one of those birth mothers who was hidden away when I was 18 years old to give birth to my child, a boy, who was given up for adoption in 1978...the end of an era...where women were shamed and coerced by society and their parents to give up their children. 35 years later it still has a huge effect on me. This book tells MY story...and it is heart wrenching. I only wish the adoptive mother could read our point of view.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a rave for the story and a therapeutic thank you more than a review. This is such an important story to be told. We still seem far away sometimes from what the author states as her goal to "come together in love, not fear." She is so good at articulating her experience, I found it mirrored my own completely. How I felt, thought, loved and was treated by others. Down to the experience of the nurses in the hospital. It was hard to believe, and sad, that the same experience was happening in 1986 for me that she experienced in 1965. I believe much of that being because of the large organized religions(mine being Mormonism) that were taking charge in both situations. As she said, "those counseling the mother cannot fully comprehend the ramifications of their advice." I hope no religions are still involving themselves in adoption cases. They are probably the groups that feel the most entitled to be the facilitator, but I think they are one of the most harmful involved. Inducing the shame as their first wrong step. This is why at 53 years old I find myself still seeking out information and stories that can help me heal. I hope the stories that get told help make adoption more open to everyone that is involved. I think there are more open adoptions and less secrets around it than there were in the past? How many people involved still expect to move forward like nothing ever happened? Establishing love and acceptance of all the people involved from the start would be a much healthier beginning to something that seems doomed to so much dysfunction. While all the stories are unique all have a child stuck in the middle, a mother living in fear of losing her child and a mother not sure she will ever be accepted fully and heal completely because of the shadow and stigma she is kept in. It all seems unnecessary. I hope the future of adoption can be better than this.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Mirror of My Own Sentiments

I am a mother who placed my first and only natural child for adoption. My son and I have been united within the last year. Though the generation has changed the social views of unwed mothers somewhat, her experience and sentiments going through this lifelong process of adoption mirrored mine near completely. It was as if she wrote of my life, not hers. This is an excellent book for those who wish to understand the experience of mothers who placed their child for adoption. We never forget our lost children and will love them for eternity.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Its awesome that she had a successful reunion with her birth son. It is a special, delicate relationship, it was refreshing to read the journey that isn't always roses. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Something everyone in the adoption triangle should read

This is a birth mother's powerful telling of the adoption story, certainly as it existed in the U.S. in the 1960s. Schaefer writes from a mature perspective and as someone who can convey raw feeling but who has taken the time and made the effort to examine those feelings, understand others' roles, and consider both the law and what is best for all concerned. There were times when I thought self pity emerged a bit but I never doubted the authenticity or depth of her feelings and I would think her three boys would be comforted by her need and fierce determination to see them happy and loved. She makes a good case for allowing adoptees to find their birth families and is fearless in describing the pain a birth mother feels not knowing whether her child is okay. Schaefer is knowledgeable about the search, the law, and the variety of outcomes, some happy, some not, and brings that knowledge and experience to bear on her telling of her story. It took some courage for me to read this but I'm so glad I did.

[Rhonda Rae Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful...Heartwrenching...Inspirational...Challenging!

This memoir brought me to tears on many occasion...especially the second half although the first was horrifyingly accurate with the era that it happened.

My heart went out to Carol in SO many ways! I think that a personal letter will do her more justice, but I'm blessed to have read a story where the child wasn't aborted...(-: Even though her son was adopted...at least he was allowed to live!

I rejoiced upon her search and the openness of the adoptive mother...the willingness to share with the birth mother was totally beautiful and I'm confident a rare quality.

If only I could find my adopted siblings...and I will never forgive myself for aborting my baby just to save face with my parents because they always told me they would disown me or send me away if I got pregnant before getting married...LONG STORY.

We ALL have a story!!!!

[Eva-Marie Nevarez]

Sadly, I'm sticking this back up on a shelf until a later date. I'm hoping the lack of connection I feel is due to my current mood and nothing else. Usually a well written book about adoption can get me interested every time. I can't call this not well written because I haven't read enough.
I'm hoping to get back into it another time and if I can't then I can't. I will give it another shot though. I'm somewhat upset because I was really looking forward to this.

[Dina · Rating 5 out of 5]

could have been my story except mine hasn't turned out the same way hers did so far....

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Firstview the movie on lifetime many years ago. Then in May, 2014 I was happy to have found this book on Kindle. Wonderful read for anybody trying to learn about both sides of adoption.

[RN · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I've read regarding giving your baby up for adoption

I have to admit that I use to believe in closed adoption until I started reading about these birth mothers. I've not given up a child for adoption nor had an abortion, so I guess I don't have the wherewithal to give my opinion. I have to think that adoption is a much better option than the murder of abortion, but I now believe that open adoption is there best scenario for the child, birth mother, and adoptive parents as long as they can work together to parent in a way that puts the child's needs first and protects the adoptive family unit, yet keeping the birth mother involved. This would have to be accomplished by putting insecurities aside and working together, much like divorced parents. I commend the author, the adoptive parents, and the adopted young man for being open minded and chartering unknown territory for them. It's hard for me to understand why the Catholic homes for unwed mothers didn't provide more education and counseling for these unwed mothers. I know this was the sign of the times, but myself being Catholic, I'm appalled about this.

[jo c leightner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book. It has high literary quality as well as emotional connection to anyone in the adoption triad. As a mother of 2 adopted children (closed), and the grandmother of 4 children through open adoption, I have seen adoption from different perspectives. And I have witnessed the pain experienced by the birthmother. At age 70, I am still learning so much about adoption and understanding that "deep dark hole" that adoptees experience. Often the birthmother's perspective isn't as well documented as in The Other Mother. I cried. I felt the author's pain so vividly and am so very grateful for her sharing her story with so much vulnerability and honesty. It is a very necessary story. We've come a long way. It is through education and experience that we may begin to come into our wholeness, embracing the challenges and griefs that have brought us to this point.

[Elisabeth Brookshire · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different view

Meant stories of adoption i read deal with children trying to find their birth mothers. This is different in that a mother is searching high and low for her baby boy. At turns sentimental and heartbreaking, it is a really good book from the other side of a living story. To imagine one day getting a call or letter you are adopted or your child is looking for you, sometimes 45 years or more. Incredible.

[Mamareads · Rating 5 out of 5]

well written profound true story

Growing up in the same timeframe as the author, this story was one that any number of young women of that time could relate too. The author did an amazing job of describing the physical settings of her “confinement “ and the details of her emotions. The story shows her courage,

[JohnC · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful! We are adoptive parents and prayed for the other Mom .It is so important to be

United as one family! What a beautiful birth story of compassion and forgiveness. This book describes a beautiful reunion that is a must!

[Margery Erp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and touching.

I have read many books on adoption and this one touched me more than most. Carol Schaefer is an excellent writer and I was truly drawn into her story and her emotions.

[Sina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unter dem Titel leider etwas anderes vorgestellt, an sich dennoch relativ interessant leider ist nur der Part vor der Suche des Sohns sehr lang und die eigentliche Suche und das Finden + die Zeit danach im Verhältnis sehr kurz und unausführlich beschrieben

[Stephanie Slough · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first book I ever read cover to cover in one sitting. I could identify with the child. This book had personal meaning for me I felt for the mother that had her baby taken from her.