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“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” ― Mark Twain.
Everyone knows that Mark Twain had white bushy hair, white bushy eyebrows, and a white bushy mustache. He was born that way, I expect, and his mother has never denied it.
This is his autobiography. Well, it is the third version of Twain’s autobiography, but it made up for being last by being the most expensive. The 2010 hardcover version I read is over 700 pages long, though only about 400 pages of that volume were penned by Twain. The rest of the book is filled with tons of notes, footnotes, forwards, backwards, afterwards, introductions, dedications, and academic miscellanea.
In the early 1900s, Twain instructed his literary heirs that some of the unpublished writings in his files were so full of hell fire and brimstone that they shouldn’t be published until 100 years after his death.
The 2010 edition contains some of those hellish rants, but they really doesn’t smell all that sulfurous and chthonic to me, and for the most part those angry tirades are personal attacks on people who offended him in some way. For example, he spends pages and pages angrily execrating his land lady in Italy. She probably deserved it, but the feud is not of particular interest to the general reader.
One jeremiad that appears in the 2010 edition that really should have been published in the early 1900s was about an incident in the Filipino–American War (1899-1902). Perhaps you have never heard of Filipino–American War. I wasn’t aware of it until deep into my college studies, and it was never mentioned in my high school history texts––out of shame, I assume.
Here’s what happened. In the Spanish-American war (1898), the U.S. beat up Spain and stole its lunch. It also took away some of its colonies, including Cuba, Puerto Rico, and the Philippines. The people of the Philippines objected to the benevolent Americans taking over their country and wanted to be an independent nation, and this resulted in a conflict in which the American government tried to convince the Filipinos about the advantages of freedom, truth, and the American way by shooting at them.
One of the most egregious incidents of this conflict was a battle in which an American army unit surrounded a tribe of 300 “naked” indigenous people (the Moros)––it was a group which included women, children, and babes in arms. The 150 or so native Filipino warriors were armed with extremely sharp sticks, but the 600 U.S. soldiers only had rifles, cannons, and Gatling guns. It took a couple of days for the American forces to entirely wipe out the naked savages, including the vicious children and the murderous infants. President Theodore Roosevelt lauded this battle as one of the most valorous feats of arms in American history. Twain wrote a scathing editorial about the massacre but was apparently afraid to publish it at the time due to a possible (and probably likely) adverse public reaction to Twain’s assailing the popular “My country right or wrong” trope. That editorial was published in this autobiography about 110 years too late.
This ★★★ hardcover edition might be valuable for those interested in the more academic aspects of Twain’s works, but if you are looking for a version to read for enjoyment, I highly recommend the 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 1959 version of the autobiography that was edited by Charles Neider. Neider’s version is arranged in chronological order, while the 2010 version follows an annoying stream of consciousness arrangement of presenting incidents in the order Twain wrote about them rather than in the order that the events actually occurred. Also, while the 2010 edition includes many of Twain’s ad hominem rants it omits many of the more interesting and amusing incidents that appear in Neider’s edit.
Note: The 2010 hardcover tome does make a fine stepstool, though.
There is too much human nature in people––Mark Twain