Self help books tend to promise that problems have an easy, one size fits all solution, which the author will reveal to you and then your life will magically be better. Spoiler: it won’t be.
I like that Stahl starts her book with the very, very basics of psychology. How do emotions actually work? What are the basic (psychological) human needs? You are happy when you get what you want/expected or more, and unhappy when the reality you live in is not actually congruent with what you want. As it turns out, this concept is so obvious that I never even thought about it. That is what makes this book valuable. It’s understanding your mind for dummies. Like, real dummies. Because even though I knew quite a lot about psychology and psychiatry, read up on the DSM and diagnostics, I never actually gave thought to the mechanisms behind my everyday feelings. Crazy, right?
In part one, Stahl talks about the basic mechanisms behind emotions and how we feel them, which helps you understand them. It digs into how your mind works, talks about attachment theory and looks there for clues about unhealthy patterns of thought.
Stahl’s solution is this: identify your ‘Shadow Child’, the unconscious patterns of thought that you have internalised, but that are not actually helping you thrive. Identify them and start working on changing them. In short: therapy. In part two of the book she gives some real-life case studies that show you what this could look like. In part three, she presents methods that psychologists use to help you get more grip on your emotions. An emotional education, so to speak.
For those who are struggling, this book can be useful. It won’t replace a good therapist. It won’t magically solve your problems either, but it might give guidance in defining and outlining what it is you are struggling with. Which is already half the work, I suppose.
This book is not perfect, and it sometimes felt repetitive and simplifying. It also annoyed me that she kept referring you to her other books. What is great about this book, though, is that it manages to convey a lot of useful stuff in easy to understand language. Stuff we all should hear, about how our mind and emotions work and how it helps us to work with them, trying to understand them, and embracing them, instead of battling against ourselves. I hope it gets translated soon. Your inner peace is worth it.