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ebook
First published December 20, 2013
In her shadowed affections, bound as she is to him, her heart burns every time she must share him with the many women in his life.
Will it always be this way? This unstoppable cycle of simple touches, softly whispered words, and I fall weak and wanting at your feet, never you’re equal, never your partner, always the wanton, weak willed concubine, slave, whore? I wear each title so well that I sometimes forget who I truly am.
“You dare to address the King so informally?”
“What do you suggest I call him then when he seeks pleasure from me? It would hardly do if I were to pant and moan “Your Majesties” everywhere. Hardly romantic.”


"In this pregnant silence, with nothing in the air but the echoes of our spent passion fusing with the sweet scent of summer night, I feel foolish for loving you. The absurdity of it is a blow right between to my battered heart. A concubine in love with her king."
Will it always be this way? This unstoppable cycle of simple touches, softly whispered words, and I fall weak and wanting at your feet, never you’re equal, never your partner, always the wanton, weak willed concubine, slave, whore? I wear each title so well that I sometimes forget who I truly am.
You don’t seem to willingly want to hurt me and yet you accomplish the feat with such acute flourish it makes me ill. Another person for me to share you with, how do I bear it?
My life has never been my own. Everything I have done since the age of seventeen has been for you! Only and always for you! I have loved you, how I have loved you! You left me for wives. You left me for your whores! And yet my heart remained true to you. You left me in search of your precious war! For five years! And still I took no one to my soul, only meant for you…
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My angst knows no bounds, my ire falls at an eternal second, like gaping wounds I allow them to fester deep within the fibers of my being, they have become kin to me and I welcome them wholeheartedly.
You are beyond my contempt
Stupid, insufferable man! Idiotic, arrogant swine! What have I ever done to deserve your hate? Loved you? I am to be hated for foolishly loving you? Even now, my heart yearns for you! It bleeds for your comfort, and yet you are incapable of providing it!
Am I to be hated for protecting the only thing we’ve ever done right? Our sons live and breathe because of me! And yet in your self-righteous ire you failed to see what is so obvious.
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“Is that all I have ever been to you?” I am flying at you now, my fist pounding at your chest. I hated myself for my tears. “Chattel, you have treated me like chattel in all the years I have known you! Just a pretty piece to play with and put back on your damnable pedestal! Did my feelings not matter? Did I not matter?” I have fallen to the floor crying, I am always crying for you, because of you!