Salaam, Love: American Muslim Men on Love, Sex, and Intimacy

by Ayesha Mattu (editor), Nura Maznavi (Editor)

From the editors of the groundbreaking anthology Love, InshAllah comes a provocative new exploration of the most intimate parts of Muslim men’s lives Muslim men are stereotyped as either oversexed Casanovas willing to die for seventy-two virgins in heaven or controlling, big-bearded husbands ready to rampage at the hint of dishonor. The truth is, there are millions of Muslim men trying to figure out the complicated terrain of love, sex, and relationships just like any other American man.   In Salaam, Love, Ayesha Mattu and Nura Maznavi provide a space for American Muslim men to speak openly about their romantic lives, offering frank, funny, and insightful glimpses into their hearts—and bedrooms. The twenty-two writers come from a broad spectrum of ethnic, racial, and religious perspectives—including orthodox, cultural, and secular Muslims—reflecting the strength and diversity of their faith community and of America.   By raising their voices to share stories of love and heartbreak, loyalty and betrayal, intimacy and insecurity, these Muslim men are leading the way for all men to recognize that being open and honest about their feelings is not only okay—it’s intimately connected to their lives and critical to their happiness and well-being.

Genres: Islam, Nonfiction, Religion, Relationships, Anthologies, Spirituality, Short Stories

249 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2014

Reviews

[Tuscany Bernier · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was an okay book to pass time with. A lovely insight into the inner workings of the Muslim man.

[Zainab Bint Younus · Rating 3 out of 5]

On the heels of the popular, groundbreaking anthology Love Inshallah: American Muslim Women on Love, Sex, and Intimacy, comes Salaam, Love – the other side of the story.

As Muslim women become more proactive in sharing their voices and experiences in the public sphere, a unique phenomenon has occurred: Muslim men don’t have the same opportunity to share their own deeply personal stories. Salaam, Love is an effort to create a ‘safe space’ for Muslim men to discuss some of their most vulnerable moments.
The anthology is divided into three sections: “Umma: It Takes a Village” shares stories that revolve around the role of family and friends in the search for marriage (and love); “Sirat: The Journey” includes inward reflections of each writer’s transformational experience with spiritual and romantic love; and finally, “Sabr: In Sickness and in Health” goes beyond the fairytale ending and explores the deeper, less glamorous aspects of true love.
Just as its predecessor, Love Inshallah, reflected the realities and experiences of a widely varied Muslim Ummah, so too do the contributors to Salaam, Love come from different ethnic and theological backgrounds.

There were several essays which stood out to me, both in quality of writing and in content – amongst them, Sam Pierstorff’s “Soda Bottles and Zebra Skins,” “Mother’s Curse” by Arsalan Ahmed, “Just One Kiss,” by Maher Rahman, “Planet Zero” by John Austin, “The Promise” by Alan Howard, and “Fertile Ground” by Khizer Husain.
All of these essays shared something in common: unmistakeable authenticity, excellent writing, and touching upon issues within the Muslim community that have been previously ignored but are undeniably a reality.

From extramarital affairs amongst ‘religious’ Muslims, being rejected for marriage because of race, fertility vs. adoption, and the heartbreak of losing a loved one, these essays echoed with a rawness of emotion and relevance. All these topics are still considered taboo in the Muslim community, and yet are faced by thousands of Muslims not just in the West, but all around the world.

Although I have often read works by female authors related to these issues, I was startled to realize that it was the first time I had read about them from the perspective of Muslim men who have experienced these matters first-hand. At the risk of sounding cliché, it was truly enlightening to realize that men – whom many women have come to think of as the perpetrators of most injustice – are equally affected at an emotional level and seek to change things for the better.

This glimpse at the challenges and struggles of Muslim men in their journeys of love and experiences with lust is must needed; all too often, we buy into the idea that men experience such things shallowly, with little introspection or consideration for their actions. Instead, the contributors to Salaam, Love reminded us of the humanity of men, a prompt to help us recognize that when it comes to matters of the heart, gender means little. Allah, al-Wadud, al-Muqallib al-Quloob, is the One Who controls our hearts without the preconceived, culturally structured ideas of what men and women should feel; it is He who evokes in our souls a yearning for love of Him, and for earthly love as well.

However, I will admit that I also found myself somewhat disappointed by Salaam, Love. In comparison to Love Inshallah, which I found engaging at every point (with only a couple of stories which did not resonate with me all that much), the remaining essays in Salaam, Love came off as mediocre at best. Some rambled on for far too long, causing me to lose my interest; most ended up sounding like a recycled version of “brown Muslim boy just wants to be with a girl.”

Nonetheless, Salaam, Love is enjoyable overall, and is still a book that I would recommend. It is a one-of-a-kind compilation that reminds men and women alike that the hearts of men are not so strange or unfathomable as those of women; Muslim men, like Muslim women, struggle with temptation and desire, seek love and security, and pray not just for a happily ever after, but for a happily ever afterlife.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book in a First Reads giveaway.

Some essays were better than others - I think it gets better as it goes along - but I thought this was an interesting glimpse into the lives of Muslim Americans. It has a glossary that defines various words relating to Islam, and it seems to be targeted towards people who are not Muslim themselves but who are interested in learning about other cultures. This is not necessarily a book I would have purchased for myself, but it was a quick read and I enjoyed it.

[Cristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hold on, let me wipe the tears from my eyes so I can see while I type this up. Please note, the following might contain spoilers.

This book was such a pleasant surprise! I had read "Love, Inshallah," but had no idea this was going to happen. When I found it in the bookstore, I squealed in delight and rushed to the cashier. The stories were so refreshing and real, they dealt with that part of our lives most of us keep under wraps. I was so freaking pleasantly surprised to find there were stories that even represented the LGBTQ Muslim community. This book truly is something special.

Can I hope for a sequal of some sort? Perhaps a book dedicated to elderly muslims and relationships and sex? Is that too much to ask?

On a side note, there were so many stories were from California! I just came back from a trip, my first to San Francisco, Cali., and it made me miss it sooooo much. I'd love to go back and explore the Muslim community there.

I'm so grateful that this book gave Muslim American men a space to discuss their experiences. I just love it so much.

I wonder what my local MSA would say about it.

[Raj · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated this book as there are not many platforms which allow men to fully express their feelings without shame,stigma, or embarrassment. In these short stories, the men detail their very different experiences with love, loss, and everything in between. It is an honest and intimate look at what it means to grow up in an immigrant family and what it means to be a man in today's society, and in particular, a muslim man.

The greater impact of this book, however, is not necessarily its examination of cultural identity, but rather its unintentional message that we are all one people. The book provides a glimpse of love from all perspectives- black, white, gay, straight, conservative, liberal, etc. At the end of the day, we are all more similar than we are different. That's why I believe this is a book anyone can relate to whether male or female, muslim or not.

[afra · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read, but I much preferred Love, InshAllah. I found the final section (Sabr: In Sickness and Health) to be the book's strongest point, and enjoyed several of the stories exploring race and sexual identity. As a whole, though, I found it difficult to relate with or connect deeply to many of the stories and found the quality of writing to be vastly inconsistent. Some stories were riddled with typos, and others were full of meandering, self-deprecating asides that made them difficult to finish. I wanted badly to like this book as much as its predecessor, but ended up wishing these stories had more depth and had been edited more closely.

[Zoya Ahmad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting look into the untold stories of the love lives of Muslim men. Would recommend it overall, but I feel that the book's precursor "Love Insha'Allah" was more interesting and covered a broader range of narratives.

[Georgina Gutierrez · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed different love stories, although I’m not muslim, love can be understood in any shape and form. Some of the stories are very conservative for my taste, but there are some that are worth it.

[Bookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sweet, thoughtful perspectives of US Muslim men. The stereotype in the media sees Muslim men who wear beards, make their wives cover their hair, are very religious, could be terrorists, etc. This book is a collection of essays of various Muslim men who are in/from the US and their struggles with their searches in love, marriage, partnership, etc. Like many people, really.
 
Some are funny, some are touching, some are heartbreaking. Even if you know nothing about Islam and Muslims (or even the US I'd wager) you'd still identify with many of the stories. Struggling with attraction (to women OR men), how to obey the teachings of Islam yet still find a partner, finding the right partner, the ache and pain of the end of the relationship (whether via a breakup, a death, family intervention). Maybe Islam plays a role but sometimes it doesn't.
 
That's all there is to it. I'm typically not a fan of essay collections but this held my attention. I didn't know Muslim men as well as I knew some Muslim women, but even then I could still understand and could see similarities to my Muslim female friends. But as with any collection from a diverse set of authors (they are all men but they have different ethnicities, economic backgrounds, sexual orientations, etc.) some essays are much stronger than others. Overall the collection was interesting but not every essay will hold your attention.
 
It was a good read. I'd recommend it even if you don't care for essays simply because I'm not sure if a topic like this is ever really addressed in media. Despite some of the sad stories it was a nice read and it was a good change of pace books. If you're not familiar with the US pop culture/society you might be a bit confused (it's definitely for a US-centered audience) but the stories of love, courtship, marriage, etc. are probably fairly universal.
 
I had hoped to read the companion book ('Love, InshAllah') either right before or right after this one but my library doesn't have it. Even so, I'd recommend this anyway. I borrowed from the library and that was right for me. But it would perhaps be a good gift for the right person.
 

[Ify · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed reading the diverse essays by American Muslim men in this collection about love, sex, and intimacy. I was humbled by the candor and vulnerability that each contributor shared through his writing. Feelings I know all too well having written first under a pen name and then in later editions under my own name for the Love, InshAllah book. After reading Love, InshAllah, I was left feeling hopeful about love and relationships while this book has left me reflecting deeply about the meaning of love, intimacy, and how we forge relationships. At a Salaam, Love book reading, editor Ayesha Mattu reflected on how there has been relatively insiginificant "pushback" over this book unlike the pushback and criticism received following the publication of Love, InshAllah. I hope to be considered a part of those who helped create space for more women and men to safely and honestly tell their stories.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stories told by men of need and wanting, finding love and acceptance, coming to maturity. Women on the same path seem to place religion first in their search for love, while men find culture then religion as a relationships basis. The book provokes much thought.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an anthology of Muslim American men talking about their experiences with romance, something I likely wouldn't have picked up if I didn't have a class that made this required reading. Not that I have any problem with the subject matter, but because, like most people, I have middling luck with anthologies. In fact, I don't know anyone who actively seeks out anthologies or even really likes them. Most people I know just buy them because they like or recognize one or two of the authors and figured what the hell.

The problem with anthologies is that, for every great entry, there's a dud. In this book, I found some stories I really liked and connected with, and some I didn't care for at all. Some of the writers had wonderfully distinct voices- especially the African American writers- some did not. Some I found sweet and endearing, some I did not. Like with many anthologies, I only really liked one or two and, on the flip side, only really hated one or two. Otherwise, I felt pretty lukewarm on most of them.

Continue reading this review on my blog here: https://bookwormbasics.blogspot.com/2...

[Leena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Muslim men are often asked to comment on the politics of the Muslim world or counter-terrorism efforts in the Middle East; but rarely do we hear them recall their personal stories of courtship, dating, and romance. It’s a voice we rarely hear in this current day and age. I was overwhelmed by how honest, raw, and affectionate their narrations were. You don’t have to be Muslim to appreciate the softness and delicacy of these beautiful stories, just the fact that these intimate stories are told by men will hit home for many people. My favorite stories from the anthology are: “Soda Bottles and Zebra Skins,” “Mother’s Curse,” “The Other Iran-Iraq War,” and “Fertile Ground.”

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

After reading Love, InshaAllah, I was curious to read Salaam, Love by the same editors. While the first anthology included stories by 25 Muslim American women, the latter collection has 22 memoirs by Muslim American men.

Although it was interesting to read some of these stories, none of them stood out to me as a personal favorite. While I didn’t love this anthology (probably for the fact that I’m a woman and I could relate more to the stories in the female anthology), I still recommend this book to others. If you are a man or woman, Muslim or not, or if you enjoyed Love, InshaAllah, I would recommend you give this collection a read.

[DM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice collection (though I found the women’s book far stronger!). I particularly loved an essay at the beginning about a man coming to grips with his sexuality and losing his mother to cancer (which made me cry big ugly tears while on the train) and one near the middle about a Bangladeshi-American grappling with loneliness and gothok mishaps.

[Ara · Rating 2 out of 5]

this is the best quote from the book that summarizes its entire content: "my religion says a man should not be alone with a woman. but somebody should have told me that a man should not feel so alone that being with a woman is the only way he can feel life is worth living."

[Samantha Shamim · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://www.rosesandjannah.com/blog/2...

[Kiren Chaudhry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant, heartfelt and meaningful account of the Muslim experience. It's a wondrous thing to be seen and heard. The books also does its part in dispelling the myth of Muslimness as a monolith.

[sohrella · Rating 3 out of 5]

there're some gems. but mostly there're just stories about men with Muslim names. /yawn/

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is no joy without sorrow. Life is full of oppositions. We are all large and contain multitudes.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book. So happy this was a sequel and that we got to hear men's stories.

[Afreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I was lucky enough to win a free copy in the giveaway for this book, I am more than willing to give my honest and straightforward opinion regarding Salaam Love. Here it goes:

For me, reading Salaam Love was one of many firsts. If you haven't already familiarized yourself with the previous anthology compiled by Ayesha Mattu and Nura Masnavi, (Love Inshallah) I would suggest that you do so. For those of you who have, you will find that yet again, Mattu and Masnavi bring us stories of love ranging from many different personalities and perspectives both traditional and unorthodox, which is what makes their current anthology just as enjoyable as the first.

The title itself and its purpose is what attracted me to the book to begin with. More than often, none of us can ever imagine the words Muslim Men, writing, and love in the same sentence. I had never thought that such a book would be published. However, I was wrong when I found out that this book was going to be published and was automatically interested in understanding the male Muslim perspective on something only females supposedly wrote about and even discussed: love. As far as my view is concerned, what made these stories so beautifully written was that they weren't always filled with a happy endings. Contrary to the plots of Bollywood movies and classical romance tales, there was no magical tale of "Happily Ever After" that promises eternal bliss. What made these stories special was that all of the experiences these men conveyed were real. They were flawed. There was heartbreak, rejection, self discovery, and acceptance. It really made me ask myself what I saw in an ideal Muslim man. Truth be told, I couldn't exactly pick a favorite story seeing how all of them were unique and just as enjoyable as the others in their own way. Seeing how Muslim men have taken the time to write about their love lives is what made this an eye opening experience for me as a practicing Muslim woman who has always been nonetheless sheltered in her conservative bubble. It has made me more open; it has made me see love from the eyes of Muslim men and their experiences in and out of it.

Believe it or not, some stories will make you smile and chuckle. Some will take you to the edge. If you choose to read this book, you will find that some are very controversial. Maher Reham's story "Just One Kiss" in particular will make you think long and hard and shock you with disbelief. Overall, I think that Salaam Love was not only a great read, but also a journey that allowed me to discover the male Muslim perspective. I now ask when Masnavi and Mattu will publish their next anthology. If so, I'm interested.

[Yasmeen · Rating 3 out of 5]

For disclosure purposes, I received this novel as a First Reads giveaway.

At a time when the world - and the Western world, in particular - has become increasingly disillusioned and misled with the varied Islamic cultures, this novel is an entirely illuminating read, and a necessary one at that. Through the diverse array of voices presented, this collection of deeply personal essays can do nothing but alter one's unfortunate preconceived notions of the Islamic world, with particular regards to Muslim men, who are all too often vilified. Mattu and Maznavi have restored the human element long forgotten in the Western perception of the Islamic and Muslim "others."

[Oraynab Jwayyed · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book, especially as a woman of Middle Eastern descent curious about the inward thinking of Muslim men on relationships in general. I gave it three stars because it's not research based or out to prove anything except that American Muslim men are just as flawed and human as the next guy. I would have liked the book to address the issues that are still too prevalent in Muslim relationships, mainly the imbalance of power, sexism, and abuse. Since the authors had these men willingly open to discuss their past relationships - which is difficult for most Muslim men - they could have addressed those issues as well.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book through the First Reads program. This is a book which is more interesting in conception than in the execution. The portraits of Muslim men and their relationships and sexuality is too cheery and rosy than realistic. Because Muslim men experience such a negative stereotype, the motivation of the editors is to dismiss the stereotypes and create a rosier picture. Unfortunately, happily ever after stories, one after another, is not the most interesting reading. A good attempt to dismiss stereotypes but I didn't feel it was a real and honest portrayal.

[Miss Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

i don't actually know how to review this: i found it interesting but i don't have the vocabulary to critically evaluate these kind of personal stories. what am i going to say, you know? i appreciate having the opportunity to see some of the range of ways men in the ummah have experienced love i suppose

sister book: Love, InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women edited by Nura Maznavi and Ayesha Mattu. duh

3 stars

[Bajidc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Refreshing perspective! Wonderful 'sequel' full of stories from Muslim men from all walks and stages of life. The themes common to both sexes are explored with humor and pathos: the balance of faith and circumstance, the concern over and respect for parental approval, the search for the familiar among the other.

[Lubna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate the effort to bring forth diverse stories from different Muslim men on love however, much like it's predecessor, I found the stories became repetitive after a while and some of the stories were not written as well as others. Still, props for the effort.

[Foxglove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute stories, nothing ground breaking but it's meant to be a short story anthology. I liked how diverse the stories wear, and the "Sabr" portion made me cry. A bit shallow but hey, it was a fun "beach" read.

[Rameya · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps it is because I am a woman, but I definitely preferred Love Insha'Allah to this anthology. I did not particular enjoy the stories in the beginning of the anthology but there were a few in the middle and end that I really enjoyed.