Comment il faut aimer (Littérature)

by Lisa Moore, Luba Markovskaia (Translator)

« On dormait tous les deux quand les appels ont commencé. On était au Mexique, Joe et moi. C’était ma sœur Nell au téléphone. Xavier était allé à une soirée. Nell ne connaissait pas toute l’histoire; elle attendait les détails. Ils disent qu’il y avait une fille avec lui. Pas sa blonde, non. Nell ne savait pas qui c’était. » Tandis que la tempête du siècle fait rage au-dessus de Saint-Jean de Terre-Neuve, Xavier est passé à tabac, poignardé et laissé pour mort dans un banc de neige. Cette nouvelle, Jules ne la comprend pas. Revenue en urgence dans une ville barricadée, elle ne comprend pas comment son garçon de vingt et un ans a pu se retrouver à l’hôpital plongé dans un coma dont personne ne sait s’il en sortira. Et ce n’est certainement pas la vidéo de la violente attaque diffusée en ligne qui l’aidera à faire sens de ce qui est arrivé. Mais Jules, rivée au chevet de son fils inconscient, refuse d’abdiquer, elle exige des réponses, et c’est dans le passé de Xavier et de ses proches qu’elle décide d’aller les chercher.Dans ce roman kaléidoscopique qui embrasse plusieurs générations, Lisa Moore nous entraîne dans la quête irrésistible d’une mère pour la vérité. Avec la force d’évocation d’une plume sensible au moindre reflet des vagues comme au moindre soubresaut de l’âme, elle recompose fragment par fragment l’histoire sinueuse d’un clan uni et désuni par les souffrances et les sacrifices.Ancré dans les paysages hostiles et majestueux de Terre-Neuve, Comment il faut aimer est une puissante méditation sur ce qui constitue une famille, sur la manière dont elle nous façonne et sur la persistance de l’amour envers et contre tout. « Lisa Moore est à son meilleur quand elle explore les liens ineffables qui nous unissent, quels qu’ils soient […]. Nuancé et sincère, Comment il faut aimer compte parmi ses tout meilleurs livres. »– Quill & Quire

Genres: Fiction, Canada, Book Club, Contemporary, Audiobook, Literary Fiction, Family

Paperback

First published May 3, 2022

About the author

Lisa Moore has written two collections of stories, Degrees of Nakedness and Open, as well as a novel, Alligator.

Open and Alligator were both nominated for the Giller Prize. Alligator won the Commonwealth Prize for the Canadian Caribbean Region and the ReLit Award, and Open won the Canadian Authors' Association Jubilee Prize for Short Fiction.

Lisa has also written for television, radio, magazines (EnRoute, The Walrus and Chatelaine) and newspapers (The Globe and Mail and The National Post).

Lisa has a Bachelor of Arts degree from the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design. She also studied at Memorial University of Newfoundland, where she became a member of The Burning Rock Collective, a group of St. John's writers.

Reviews

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

By way of parable she told the story of her own family, of her stepmother. Because if I were to marry Joe, I’d be a stepmother too. It was a story she recounted often, with only minor variations in fact and tone, but the take-away? What she was actually telling me? This is how we love.

I have long loved the writing of Lisa Moore — from how she captures truth on a large scale (the captivating day-to-day reality of living in St. John’s, Newfoundland) to truth on the personal scale (the absolute reality of the human heart in all its familiar variety) — and This Is How We Love did not disappoint. The story begins with devastation — Jules and her husband Joe were in Mexico when they learned that their son had been viciously attacked at a party back home — and in chapters that rotate through various characters’ perspectives (always from Jules’ first person POV and third person when focussing on another), Moore skillfully relates stories from across the generations that explain who these people are, what forces made them, and how they got to now. Exploring a wide range of family types, Moore asks just what makes a family, what do we owe to one another, and can we ever step off the path childhood circumstances laid down for us. The overall plot is compelling, the writing is technically masterful as the timeline jumps around, threads dangle and get tied up, and small moments frequently dazzle with their clarity and relatability; I loved everything about this. (Note: I read an ARC through NetGalley and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)

He didn’t see the knife. The knife came when he was being kicked in the head. He saw the boot coming and confused the sensation of the knife with the kick to his skull. There was a synaptic misfire and he felt the knife slide through his skull. But it had punctured his jeans and skin and maybe organs and wasn’t anywhere near his head. It went deep. He could hardly believe it happened twice but at the same time he believed it.

Twenty-one-year old Xavier — “Xay”, “the antic anti-hero”, “the one with the big HaHa” — was raised by loving, stable parents but took that fact for granted until he found himself beaten, stabbed, and left to bleed out on a snowbank in the middle of the night. Maybe it was the thrice-knock of fate, a “wall of doom”, a long ago curse from the Woman with a Yellow Hat, but as he waits for an ambulance that’s a long time coming, Xavier has an opportunity to wonder at the strength of childhood ties that he thought had been thrown off. Meanwhile, Jules learns of the attack hours later, and with the Storm of the Century, a veritable Snowmageddon, heading for St. John’s, she will get on the last flight to Newfoundland before the snow hits (husband Joe will be trapped in Montreal waiting for flights to resume), and alone at her son’s hospital bedside, hoping for his eyes to open, Jules will have long hours to remember the stories about love and family and friendship that brought them here.

She meant I should pay attention if I wanted something and I’d have to act and that it wouldn’t be easy. Of course, she was right. Because this is a story about my son and how he was stabbed at a party and beaten by a handful of monsters and how nobody chooses yearning, it chooses you.

There are many types of motherhood described here — teenage single mothers and foster mothers, same sex and stepmothers — and despite love and intention, it’s a crapshoot how the kids will turn out; few mothers get the chance to actually stand between their children and the knives that are thrust towards them. And on the other hand, what chance in life has the little girl — neglected by her Mom and put into care — who learns early to close her heart to yearning? And what chance has the drug-dealing son of a gun-toting drug dealer who has never been shown love? What chance does Xavier have to survive injury and infection, even as his mother breaks a stay-at-home order to trudge a path through roof-high snowdrifts and make her way to a locked-down hospital? These are the questions that keep us reading.

I felt it was me. I was generating the storm, making it happen with my rage. The rage was as big as the storm, just as malevolent, tearing out of my chest. Or the storm had entered me. It was inside me, freezing everything, starting with my womb, which was frozen, breaking up like an iceberg, pieces sliding off. It was my womb or my heart, or the balancing fluid in my inner ear. I’d lost any sense of balance. The cold crept through me.

I love Lisa Moore, and again, this did not disappoint in narrative, insightfulness, or craftsmanship.

[Emmkay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Twenty-one year old Xavier is beaten and stabbed at the outset of the novel - then, slowly, the author layers in generations of interlocked experiences to explore the variety of manifestations of love around him, as his mother keeps vigil by his hospital bed through a snowstorm. Some very fine writing, but I moved through it so slowly, feeling like I was swimming through molasses towards the finish line. Every detail was so meticulously observed, each chance observation leading to a nest of interrelated memories, though all with a similar tone - I just found it hard to propel myself forward. I think I would give Moore’s short stories a go: I feel I might appreciate her style more in bite-size pieces.

[Grace Convertino · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book opens with a vicious beating and stabbing attack on twenty-one year old Xavier during what is turning out to be the snowstorm to beat all snowstorms. His mother, Jules, rushed home from vacation in Mexico in the last available seat of the final flight out just before airports closed and flights were cancelled, leaving her husband/Xavier’s dad stuck in Mexico. She fights through the storm into the closed streets of St. John’s, Newfoundland, to get to her son. When a video of the attack comes out, Jules is unsure what to make of it. It is then that Xavier’s story slowly unfolds, weaving the love of family (blood and not) through the generations, along with the gritty details of joy, pain, abuse, and hardship that comprise this tale.

“This is How We Love” is written in a rambling, free-form kind of narration that is most definitely an acquired taste. The opening started fast and furious at the onset, then began to meander around the plot with the backstory. What started off as thrilling turned a bit monotonous for me. In some ways, its slightly verbose book style vaguely reminded me of “A Catcher in the Rye,” with Jules as Holden and Xavier and Trinity as lost innocence. I know there are plenty of five-star reviews that will disagree; but for me I believe the finer points of Xavier’s and his parents’ background was a bit overdone. We understand that love is love through the generations, whether the source is a blood relative, a step-parent, or a childhood friend, and that all love entails a multitude of negative and positive layers and emotions.

I’d like to thank NetGalley, Lisa Moore, and House of Anansi Press, Inc. for the ability to read and review this ARC.

[Allison ༻hikes the bookwoods༺ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moore writes beautiful character driven novels. I knew this book wouldn’t really be about Snowmageddon any more than February was about the Ocean Ranger, and it’s not. It’s about heartache and tragedy, but mostly about love and the inextricable bonds we form throughout our lives.

[Penny (Literary Hoarders) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful piece of Canadian literature. A story about mothers, sons, family. This is really the first or maybe second novel that would be eligible for the Giller Prize (2022) that I've read. (The first was Heather O'Neill's amazing When We Lost Our Heads ) Will it make the longlist? While it is something that wholly appeals to me, I'm not sure the judges may agree? I still have many to read before making my choices.

[❀ Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is How We Love is a story of love, trauma, resilience, commitment and connection. The story of Jules, Xavier and Trinity, who's lives are tightly wound together. Their stories are of family, of problems, of worry and of love as they struggle through the storms of life and of Newfoundland.

The writing is beautiful and this is a hard story to put down!

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Canadian author Lisa Moore's newest novel THIS IS HOW WE LOVE is a heartfelt exploration of family relationships, motherhood and a call for community. Moore's storytelling is honed to perfection as we journey along with Jules in the aftermath of a violent attack on her son Xavier. Moore is at the height of her game with THIS IS HOW WE LOVE. I was so sucked into this story and emotionally invested in these characters I flew through this one! Superb, may be my favorite of hers yet! I'm hoping to see this one on award lists. Big thanks to @houseofanansi for sending me this book opinions are my own.

For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong

[Maude · Rating 5 out of 5]

je dois admettre que cette lecture m’a demandé des efforts de concentration et d’engagement. après avoir pris des notes sur les personnages, être allé naviguer sur les interweb pour voir les rues de terre-neuve où l’histoire s’y déroule il s’est passé quelque chose en moi… plus ma lecture progressait, plus je sentais que cette lenteur et cette finesse me remuait. je l’ai terminé il y a quelques semaines et il m’habite encore.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I will post my review from my phone when Goodreads lets me.

[gabrielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars!
thank you to netgalley and house of anansi press for the e-arc!

This Is How We Love is a beautiful story about the family we choose and the family bestowed upon us, as well as love, loss, violence, and everything in between.

here's my review: ughhfhbafjhgbkdlsmvn sjhdalafkm <3

and my actual review: Lisa Moore paints her characters in such a raw and real way, so that you can't help but feel for them. although the main story centers around Xavier and the attack, everyone surrounding him is treated with care and attention by Moore, so that you end up with a kaleidoscope of stories, timelines, and people.

this is one of those books that is hard to put into words, so i won't try beyond this, but i will say that anybody who loves stories about communities and the private lives of the people within them should definitely read this book.

[Andrea Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

The chronological structure of the book is nuts. It’s a difficult read because of both the structure and the material. It demands you take your time. But there’s so much richness in the prose and plot that it’s well worth it.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can just feel how much the author cares about her characters, no matter how worthy they may be. Trinity never had a chance from an early age. She breaks my heart.

[Connie Donnelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me this book was a 3 1/2. I don't usually mind a book told in two timelines, but I found this book really jerky in the telling.
Xavier has been stabbed and his mother rushes home to be at his side. We are slowly told of the events in his and his family and friends lives that lead up to the stabbing.

[Heather Lokun · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always appreciate reading Canadian authors because so much of the setting feels familiar. Lisa Moore has taken much creative licence in her writing of this story.

I am used to reading books that have a Then and Now format, but this one switched back and forth within each chapter. I did have to stay focused to remember which stories were from what time frame.

I ended up quite liking the style because it kept me engaged and invested. The ending brings all the memories and thoughts together to the present situation in a very nice way.

[Maggie the Muskoka Library Mouse · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not sure what the point was to this book. I barely understood a plot at all, and none of the characters inspired my interest. The writing style did not appeal to me, and there did not seem to be any growth in the characters. Rather disappointing, unfortunately.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is how we love Lisa Moore.

[Fraser Simons · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gorgeous examination of an ensemble cast, surrounding a hateful, violent act. It moves in non linear fashion, building the characters meticulously. The prose style will probably be marmite. I love specificity and so enjoyed this immensely. It helps that it’s Canadian too. Fiction set where you’re familiar is a rare luxury for me. I often forget how much it can augment my enjoyment, despite not really being able to really define what qualities that do so. Maybe it’s just easier to suspend disbelief. I don’t know.

[Tee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those novels that is an acquired taste. The storytelling is not conventional. It roams, as in the details of a particular thing, place, person, stretch out, as if on a never-ending street. I enjoyed the words. They were lyrical, full of depth, full of meaning, purposeful and poetic. Moore is clearly a talented writer. But I didn’t love this novel. I have read that some reviewers found that it lacked a story, I disagree, but I do understand why they feel that way. There was a lot of pausing, to spend paragraphs on one moment, one detail that stretched out so far, too far, and the story got lost or buried. I never thought I would be one to say there could be TOO much detail but, in my opinion, this novel suffered from that.

But there was a story. Even underneath all that drawn out exposition. I think the synopsis was a bit misleading, it refers to a mother struggling through a snowstorm to get to the hospital to her son, who was brutally attacked. This does happen BUT it is a very small part of the novel. In reality, majority of the novel takes place in the hospital, but also in the past. We shift perspectives and timelines. The purpose is to take us through what led us here. What led us to this moment, to Xavier’s attack, to a mother sitting next to her possibly dying son. What people shaped this moment, what incidents led to his attack, was it inevitable? These are the things that his mother (and the other characters) are thinking about.

The storytelling isn’t linear. And as I have mentioned, it drags. But in my pursuit to rationalize why it was told this way, I concluded that it was a deliberate attempt to make us feel the uneasiness, and anxiety, chaos, confusion, and the slowing down of time, that his mother was feeling, was sitting in, was experiencing. Sitting next to her possibly dying son in a hospital with time and silence forcing her to reevaluate her life. To think about all the people and places and moments that led her here. And when one is reflecting during such tragedy, it will not be linear, it may drag at times, and jump around as you try to reconcile, as you try to understand.

Like I said, I adored the words, the writing itself, but I didn’t love the way the story was told. It took me a while to get through. But I am not saying you shouldn’t read it. If you enjoy character driven, introspective, lyrical, poetic reflections on family, love, and tragedy, then yes pick it up. The language will stimulate you. Will pull at your heart. And like I said there is a story, about a mother, a son, a foster child, and how their worlds collide. It takes a little more effort to weave through, but if you like a challenge, go for it.

Thank you to #netgalley, Anansi Publishing and author for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.

2.75/5

[Gail Amendt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about how to rate this book. The author is a good writer and there are some very well developed characters, but the style is very rambling and the story is pretty dark and depressing. The central story is the brutal stabbing of twenty-one year old Xavier at a party, and his mother Jules' struggle to reach his bedside during the storm of the century in St. Johns, Newfoundland. The story is told from the points of view of several of the characters, including Xavier and Jules, and involves very rambling flashbacks of how they got to this moment. There are a lot of characters, and at first I struggled to keep track of who was who and how they were related, but eventually I just gave up and went with the flow. The major theme of the novel is the connections we make with people who are not family...the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child." I found it depressing because the people who were broken remained broken. This love that they received from those outside their family did not seem to heal them, but rather just drug other people into the darkness. Perhaps this is realistic, but I hope it isn't, and my own experience tells me that it isn't. At any rate, it wasn't the story I needed to read right now. I would like to give this author another chance sometime, though, as she is an excellent writer.

[Cheryl Andrews · Rating 1 out of 5]

I waited a long time for a new book by a Canadian favourite author, Lisa Moore. I was so thrilled when Anansi Press announced this release. The first fifteen pages were thrilling. I read through them at the speed of light. Then it slipped sideways somehow and became one of those difficult, sluggish reads. I persevered because I’ve loved every book Moore has written and had high expectations that my response to this one was my fault somehow and that it would climb back onto the rails at any moment. It did not. I was floundering, lost in the sense of who belonged to whom, and why they were important to the main story, when the disjointed snippets and voices were regrouped at page 78. The book needed a reminder at that point what it was about, and I was grateful enough to carry on. Out of respect for the author, I finished it. The last book I read that bounced back and forth in time and was told through multiple perspectives, also a genre-bending novel that could have been confusing too, peeled back the complex layers beautifully. "Ellen in Pieces" by another Canadian author, Caroline Adderson, has been in permanent residence on my 'keeper' book shelf. Once again, I'm anxiously waiting for Lisa Moore's next book!

[Marilyn Boyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lisa More is a wonderfully evocative writer. She is a great observer and able to put those observations, whether or human emotions or descriptive scenarios, down in print in such a way that they dig deep into your heart. Once again, I’d love to give you quotes but this is still a work in progress until publishing time.

This tells the story of the extended family of our narrator, Jules, and how they (we) love: an examination of the bonds that run through family and community and the importance of love throughout. Set in Newfoundland, the novel, though showing the life styles and difficulties of that area, goes well beyond regionalism to universality.

The structure of the novel is unique flipping through characters’ perspectives and timelines within those perspectives seamlessly. There’s no flipping back and forth for the reader; she is able to bring us to an understanding of where we are in the novel and what we as readers needs to understand about her overriding theme.
I highly recommend this novel and have enjoyed many many of the publications from House of Anansi Press. A thanks to them and to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Lisa Gilbert · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received an ARC of This Is How We Love from NetGalley and House of Anansi Press. It’s the story of love in its many forms from the love of family, the love of friends, and the differing love of neighbors and acquaintances. I can see how this story could be an interesting perspective on love, however, I could never get a handle on any kind of story, it just rambled on for far too long and jumped from one generation to another with no cohesive flow.

It starts out with a horrible attack on Xander and throughout the story told of the many people who loved him and the love he had for others. The story kept circling back to him in the hospital and I was left wondering if he’d die or survive this horrific assault. There are many characters introduced throughout but that only made the story drag on far too long.

I am giving this book only 2 stars, though I’ll definitely try another book by this author to see if maybe I can understand her writing style better.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read by Lisa Moore. I didn't know what to expect coming in, and I was happy that I requested this ARC from NetGalley and House of Anansi Press.

At the heart of this novel is family- those we don't choose and those we do. All the people are brought together because Xavier was beaten and stabbed, and is now lying in the hospital in critical condition.

Over the course of a few days, with a huge snowstorm in the background, Xavier's family and friends try to work out what happened, and why. In the process, they learn a lot about the different ways we love.

The writing style isn't for everyone- it meanders- but Moore can make the snowstorm a character, and is able to make the human characters feel very real.

[Ramona Jennex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisa Moore is a brilliant author and I am going to take days to recover from this beautifully written novel about family. She has so much insight into her character's psyche and their voices are so authentic.
Layers of history carry this story of family dealing with a trauma. There is so much truth about the need to connect and "how deeply we depend on each other".
The story unfolds at the same time the storm of the century (known as Snowmageddon) slams St.John's, Newfoundland.
"A wall of white snow when I opened the front door, with a perfect imprint of the door handle and the mullions on the window and the moulded panels in the steel front of the door. It was like the lid of a coffin."
This is a must read...
Brava Lisa Moore!!!!

[David]

Perhaps her strongest yet. It does require careful reader attention to when we are in the various narrative threads, a bit like David Adams Richards and Lives of Short Duration. The characters are vibrant and there can be no doubt about love as a dominant force, even if the specific details of any given relationship may seem hard for a reader to 'love.' Just before the midpoint, a major character thinks: "I have been thinking about the people who did this to my son. How they got to be the way they are. . . . I want there to be a reason." I have been finding, increasingly of recent date, that, despite my supposed principles of faith, once a character (or a real-life person) turns to violence and hurting others, I don't much care how they got to be the way they are, or what their reasons are. I suspect this is a weakness in myself rather than in the authors I have been reading, a swelling of the cliché "old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn" syndrome. In this novel, Moore made me more interested than usual about some people I generally have no time for. That's an accomplishment. Now get off my lawn!

[Magdelanye · Rating 4 out of 5]

some people come into your life... as through a magic portal or an invisible door, a special entrance, and if they arrived that way you were responsible for them....
Some people are the opposite of a portal; some people are a vacuum....You open the door and you are sucked into oblivion. p317

We don't choose who we love....Some love just sticks. p21

If you are looking for a romantic fling, perhaps this is not the book for you. Lisa Moore gives a many layered treatment of love in various manifestations,not always obvious or sweet.

We divided into two groups: those of us who regreted it had all gone by so fast, and those of us who saw that each moment had not gone by, but rather accumulated like rain sluicing from an uppermost leaf of a tree to every leaf below until it was all there in a single drop on the lower leaf...full of everything that came before. p336

LM's presentation is oblique' delivered in snapshots of seemingly random characters that, as the novel progresses, become exceedingly hard to keep track of. The magic of this book is that suddenly you can.
(It may be smart to keep a running list to save yourself from furiously flipping back at crucial moments)

Generosity was sustaining. Recognize when you have something to give. You will always have something to give. p140

[J.D. Frailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stumbled on Lisa Moore three years ago when reading the months in the title, with her novel February. It was a novel based on a true life catastrophe in which an offshore oil Derek collapsed and all aboard were killed. She’s a really good writer, some deep stuff. A loose comparison/impression of this book is to Barbara Kingsolvers Demon Copperhead, working class people and their young adult children for whom there are not many jobs available but there are plenty of drugs. Kingsolver’s book was set in Appalachia, this one in Newfoundland. To me this book was much better written, the title gives you an idea of its theme. Poverty and drugs and bad choices, makes me feel lucky to have avoided those sorts of shipwrecks.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is best read without much time in between. I found when I had breaks I got confused on the characters and connections but I read the last 200 pages in one sitting and boy did it have my heart.

The premise of the book is about loving people in many different ways. How through generations of family love is not guaranteed or given merely because you are blood related. Some of the most soul connecting relationships are ones cast upon you or woven into your life.

Her writing is beautiful and poetic and sucks you in with the backdrop of Newfoundland. I love a good Canadian read.

[MargaretDH · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very Canadian little book (there's even a weather event that stymies the protagonists) set in St. John's, Newfoundland. The plot centres on a mother and adult son after the son has been stabbed at a party, but the book is really about love, families and a little about whether or not the circumstances of your childhood determine your fate. Plus, some charming Newfoundland stuff.

This is, I would say, literary fiction, but the pacing is much more propulsive than you often see in that genre. The last 20% of this especially rocketed along, and I was luckily in a position where I didn't have to put it down during the conclusion and denouement. Moore is also wonderful at creating realistic and sympathetic (though not always likeable) characters, and I found this more immersive than I was expecting to.

If you like literary fiction, or stories about mothers, or want something that is a fairly easy read but still has some heft to it, you should pick this up.

[Evelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our book club pick for this month. I quite liked the writing style here, so many passages where I stopped, reread, and daydreamed. I have never been to Newfoundland but met many of her people when I lived up North. The turns of phrase are unique and added to the overall ambiance.
Many chapters were nearly stand alone short stories, memories of multiple generations, all displaying variations of familial love. The things we do for those we love, how we worry, pride in their achievements, respect for their endurance and tenacity. Each chapter beckons the reader to consider and recognize that love comes in many forms, sometimes is not given willingly, but always prevails.