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336 pages, Hardcover
First published July 2, 2024
"Before everything became impossible, it was briefly, unspeakably beautiful."
The body could do things for the children that the mind could not, like birth them, or take impact on their behalf; you had to leave it alone to do its work, and not let the mind interfere with it too much Her legs moved into a shape of more comfort. She watched the sleeping boy. She watched for the heat that felt visible in the room.
She watched the open window, which was covered with a mesh screen. She had lied to her son when she'd said there was nothing to be scared of. He knew.
She watched as, outside, an extremely large moth fluttered itself violently against the mesh. It was drawn, she suspected, not just t the candlelight, but to the particularly heady golden smell of the children's slumber. It was making sounds like it was breaking itself up. The moon was nearing full. The sky was yellowing black not moulding itself subtly to the earth. How was she going to understand everything tonight?
Before everything became awful, it was briefly very beautiful.
In many cultures the mother is exploited: she must grow the baby, she must return to work and be the perfect mother simultaneously, she must grow the economy. Her training, her nature in these circumstances, is to give, to nurture, and this is taken advantage of. Our society feels entitled to her kindness, her care, her mind, her labor, her heart. And if she does not perform, if she does not provide total nurture, if she does not appear to be trying to give more than she is capable of, she is villainized and ripped apart.
The Earth has been exploited along similar lines. We have acted with entitlement towards Earth's bounty, without honoring Earth, without protecting it. We have exploited the mother, we deny her community and honor, we have exploited the Earth, we deny it a protective community, we do not honor it. We use both up until they are wasted.
His awful theory: that the children's first two mothers left life because they could not bear reality. They saw how the world was turning. They could see that the world was on a quick trajectory to its end. They could see the inevitability of it. And they found that they could not witness the death of the world with their own children in it. So they left. It was the obvious development of a maternal instinct within them: it was not possible for these mothers to keep breathing in a world that would not sustain the lives of their children. This is his theory.
His children do not know yet that the earth will not sustain them.
Neither does Cass. She is living in a dream. Her insistence on leaving The City was maddening. There is nowhere to go! He wanted to yell this at her. There is nowhere that will be left untouched by the death
of the world: there are only places living in wilful ignorance of the coming ending.
He had to leave and be somewhere the real conditions of life were actualised. Fire, death, desperation, up close.