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Aquamarine: A Literary Olympic Swimmer's Lesbian Love Story Across Three Parallel Lives
Olympic swimmer Jesse Austin is seduced and consequently edged out for a gold medal by her Australian rival. From there, Anshaw intricately traces three possible paths for Jesse, spinning exhilarating variations on the themes of lost love and parallel lives unlived. Dorothy Allison, author of Bastard Out of Carolina, writes, "I found myself wishing I could buy a dozen copies and start a discussion group, just so I'd be able to debate all the questions this astonishing novel provokes." A Reader's Guide is available.
197 pages, Paperback
First published February 13, 1992
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1320 people want to read
About the author
Carol Anshaw
16 books198 followersCarol Anshaw is an American novelist and short story writer. Her books include Carry the One, Lucky in the Corner, Seven Moves and Aquamarine. Her stories have been anthologized in The Best American Short Stories in 1994, 1998, and 2012. She has an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts (1992). She has won a National Book Critics Circle Citation for Excellence in Reviewing, an NEA Grant, an Illinois Arts Council Fellowship, a Carl Sandburg Award and Society of Midland Authors Award. Her newest novel, Right after the Weather, is forthcoming in October from Simon & Schuster.
Anshaw is also a painter. She divides her time between Chicago and Amsterdam
Anshaw is also a painter. She divides her time between Chicago and Amsterdam
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews
September 25, 2021
I never know what the point of these ‘Sliding Doors’ kind of novels is. That where our lives go is based so much on chance? Ok, thanks, Sherlock. That there are some constants in our life that even the whims of fate cannot change?
Authors have different approaches to the subject. Some seem to strongly believe in fate, and have the same things (or a version of that thing) happen to the characters, no matter how hard they stray away from their path. Other authors believe only in pure chaos. But in the end neither approach is satisfying to me. When I’m reading a novel, I’m fully aware this is a story of someone’s life made up by the author. I’m aware this author could’ve come up with different stories for her character. I feel like we usually judge how good the author is based on which of the different stories they finally settled on and decided to tell their readers.
“Aquamarine” is a pleasant short read. It would be short if it was telling one story of the character, but with three alternative versions these are barely novellas (more like extended short stories). The main character’s longing, which is present in all three versions feels authentic. She never seems desperately unhappy, but never completely satisfied, as she can never get over this one thing that happened to her when she represented the US in the Olympics, aged seventeen, and got beaten to the gold medal by the woman she fell in love with. While she never got over that, that longing is the least pronounced in the version of her life where she is a literature professor and lives as an out lesbian in NYC. So maybe that’s the moral? The truer to yourself you are, the happier you will be?
There is no ‘sliding door’ moment in this book, no small chance event that makes her timelines split into three. The life-defining moment is the same in all of the storylines, so we don’t know exactly what made Jesse take these wildly different paths.
In general, probably not exactly a timeless novel, because some of the word choices and descriptions make it sound extremely dated, but if you are in for some 90s nostalgia, give it a go.
Authors have different approaches to the subject. Some seem to strongly believe in fate, and have the same things (or a version of that thing) happen to the characters, no matter how hard they stray away from their path. Other authors believe only in pure chaos. But in the end neither approach is satisfying to me. When I’m reading a novel, I’m fully aware this is a story of someone’s life made up by the author. I’m aware this author could’ve come up with different stories for her character. I feel like we usually judge how good the author is based on which of the different stories they finally settled on and decided to tell their readers.
“Aquamarine” is a pleasant short read. It would be short if it was telling one story of the character, but with three alternative versions these are barely novellas (more like extended short stories). The main character’s longing, which is present in all three versions feels authentic. She never seems desperately unhappy, but never completely satisfied, as she can never get over this one thing that happened to her when she represented the US in the Olympics, aged seventeen, and got beaten to the gold medal by the woman she fell in love with. While she never got over that, that longing is the least pronounced in the version of her life where she is a literature professor and lives as an out lesbian in NYC. So maybe that’s the moral? The truer to yourself you are, the happier you will be?
There is no ‘sliding door’ moment in this book, no small chance event that makes her timelines split into three. The life-defining moment is the same in all of the storylines, so we don’t know exactly what made Jesse take these wildly different paths.
In general, probably not exactly a timeless novel, because some of the word choices and descriptions make it sound extremely dated, but if you are in for some 90s nostalgia, give it a go.
May 24, 2015
I initially gave this book three stars, but upon further reflection I'm bumping it up to four. This novel gives us a brief snapshot of Jesse, a teenage Olympic swimmer, and then goes on the show three vastly different portrayals of her life, based on what might've happened if she'd made one decision or another once her swimming career was over. We've seen this idea in other books and movies, but this book, published in 1992, may have actually been first.
I loved many things about this book. The characters and settings were vivid, and each of Jesse's "lives" was fully realized and convincing. I was initially skeptical of her third "life," believing that the Jesse of the first two sections would have never settled for what she had in the third, but then I remembered that those Jesses didn't exist in this world--in each life, she is the product of her choices. It made me think about the various ways I might've been different if I'd made different choices; the book does a very effective job of getting this point across. I loved, too, the way Anshaw plants little clues about which life Jesse is actually meant to have ... just a subtle sign in the other two lives that Jesse's real life is going on without her.
So why did I give this three stars upon marking it "read"? The ending! I just wasn't happy with the way things went down in the last few pages of the book. Having said that, the ending was ambiguous enough to leave me with a lot to chew on, and once I calmed down I realized that I appreciated that ambiguity. I read Anshaw's Carry the One a couple years ago and would have to say that novel is more accomplished than this one, but for a first novel Aquamarine is an impressive achievement and a fun read.
5/19/2015: ...? I don't know how I feel about this. Ambivalent, I guess. I'll think about it a bit more.
I loved many things about this book. The characters and settings were vivid, and each of Jesse's "lives" was fully realized and convincing. I was initially skeptical of her third "life," believing that the Jesse of the first two sections would have never settled for what she had in the third, but then I remembered that those Jesses didn't exist in this world--in each life, she is the product of her choices. It made me think about the various ways I might've been different if I'd made different choices; the book does a very effective job of getting this point across. I loved, too, the way Anshaw plants little clues about which life Jesse is actually meant to have ... just a subtle sign in the other two lives that Jesse's real life is going on without her.
So why did I give this three stars upon marking it "read"? The ending! I just wasn't happy with the way things went down in the last few pages of the book. Having said that, the ending was ambiguous enough to leave me with a lot to chew on, and once I calmed down I realized that I appreciated that ambiguity. I read Anshaw's Carry the One a couple years ago and would have to say that novel is more accomplished than this one, but for a first novel Aquamarine is an impressive achievement and a fun read.
5/19/2015: ...? I don't know how I feel about this. Ambivalent, I guess. I'll think about it a bit more.
March 18, 2012
Jesse Austin is a swimmer who takes the silver medal at the Olympics. The first place gold goes to her rival, Marty, with whom Jesse has had a brief fling. What will Jesse do with what she perceives as failure, and how will she cope when Marty ends their burgeoning relationship without an explanation? Carol Anshaw delves into these questions, and explores three possible paths that Jesse’s life may have taken.
It is quite marvelous how Anshaw created Jesse’s alternative pathways through life. She changes just enough details for each story to be uniquely distinct, while also retaining the essential elements that arc through the novel. It is a poignant and quietly tragic book. Jesse is really no more or less happy in each storyline. She is always plagued by the feeling that she failed. She is always searching for a love that will make her feel complete.
In many ways, it is apparent that this was Anshaw’s first novel (published in 1992). It is quite good, but there was just *something* lacking. I also read her most recent novel, “Carry the One,” and in comparing the two, I can identify what it was that didn’t quite work for me in “Aquamarine.” Anshaw’s writing style is subtle and understated, and I think that in the earlier work she had not yet perfected this technique. What she does masterfully in “Carry the One” comes across as somewhat removed and unpolished in “Aquamarine.” She has definitely matured as a writer during the 20 years that have passed between the publication of these two works.
It is quite marvelous how Anshaw created Jesse’s alternative pathways through life. She changes just enough details for each story to be uniquely distinct, while also retaining the essential elements that arc through the novel. It is a poignant and quietly tragic book. Jesse is really no more or less happy in each storyline. She is always plagued by the feeling that she failed. She is always searching for a love that will make her feel complete.
In many ways, it is apparent that this was Anshaw’s first novel (published in 1992). It is quite good, but there was just *something* lacking. I also read her most recent novel, “Carry the One,” and in comparing the two, I can identify what it was that didn’t quite work for me in “Aquamarine.” Anshaw’s writing style is subtle and understated, and I think that in the earlier work she had not yet perfected this technique. What she does masterfully in “Carry the One” comes across as somewhat removed and unpolished in “Aquamarine.” She has definitely matured as a writer during the 20 years that have passed between the publication of these two works.
May 26, 2014
When I finished Carry the One, I was curious about Anshaw. I looked up this book, figuring I might read it some day. Well, the plus side of clearing out the basement is that I found a box full of lesfic I thought I'd given away, including this! (Though in retrospect, this is not lesfic.) The narrator tells three possible versions of her life after competing in the Mexico City Olympics as a swimmer. There, she has an encounter with a gorgeous swimmer from Australia. I don't quite see how these three scenarios directly relate to that moment. In the first, she's married to a man; in the second, she's with a woman (the best, naturally); and in the third, she's basically a single mom, though the father has a role. It was OK. Nicely written. It has a litmag feel to it that I think works better for short stories than novels. The narrative felt distanced; not sure how to explain. Maybe it’s because there isn’t much action or dialogue. A lot of background and scene setting. I liked the last part where she takes on the other swimmer, but the last couple of lines left me wondering. What just happened? What does it mean? I’m not sure and I’m not sure I liked that. The main character’s kind of a sad sack, lumbering through life, like many of us are. Her success as a swimmer seems out of character for the family she grew up in, but it was the 1960s and not the uber trained, genetically freaky athlete it takes to succeed today.
January 30, 2023
A well written story with believable lives, loves and losses.
The story of Jesse is quite cleverly executed, an Olympic hopeful in swimming whose life doesn't quite go as planned after the Mexico Olympics in the 60's.
Alternative options for Jesse's subsequent life are laid out before us; each an interesting option with its associated life troubles, much in the way the film Sliding Doors offers 2 possible outcomes of one situation.
Carol Anshaw is talented at making the everyday quite wonderful, her writing is sharp and focused.
A much enjoyed read.
*Re-read in January 2023. - This still gave me as much pleasure to read as the first time around. Anshaw does a great job of making the characters believable and authentic. I still respect the work put in to the three differing story arcs as there are common themes throughout; the protagonist's difficult relationship with her mother, her feeling of loyalty and obligation towards her disabled brother, her feeling of something always not being quite right with her life or something missing. I see a lot of reviews have given stars off for the lack of sophistication in writing, however bearing in mind this is a debut novel (!!), I think the writing is incredibly inspired and intelligent. Anshaw is a talented writer and this is a fantastically written debut. Much enjoyed once again.
The story of Jesse is quite cleverly executed, an Olympic hopeful in swimming whose life doesn't quite go as planned after the Mexico Olympics in the 60's.
Alternative options for Jesse's subsequent life are laid out before us; each an interesting option with its associated life troubles, much in the way the film Sliding Doors offers 2 possible outcomes of one situation.
Carol Anshaw is talented at making the everyday quite wonderful, her writing is sharp and focused.
A much enjoyed read.
*Re-read in January 2023. - This still gave me as much pleasure to read as the first time around. Anshaw does a great job of making the characters believable and authentic. I still respect the work put in to the three differing story arcs as there are common themes throughout; the protagonist's difficult relationship with her mother, her feeling of loyalty and obligation towards her disabled brother, her feeling of something always not being quite right with her life or something missing. I see a lot of reviews have given stars off for the lack of sophistication in writing, however bearing in mind this is a debut novel (!!), I think the writing is incredibly inspired and intelligent. Anshaw is a talented writer and this is a fantastically written debut. Much enjoyed once again.
August 10, 2018
„Was bedeutet eine Wahl, die wir treffen, für unser Leben?“
Auszug aus
Aquamarin. Roman
Carol Anshaw
Genau so lässt sich der Roman beschreiben. Jesses Geschichte wird aus drei unterschiedlichen Perspektiven erzählt. Und das Zitat von oben ist der Leitsatz zu allen drei Perspektiven.
Mich regte die Geschichte zum nachdenken an. Was bedeutet so eine Wahl für unser Leben ? Habt ihr euch darüber schon mal Gedanken gemacht ?
Auch wenn ich am Anfang etwas verwirrt war, fand ich das Buch perfekt. Es ist keine Unterhaltungsliteratur. Es regt zum nachdenken an und fordert einen auch. Aber dennoch eines der besten Bücher dieses Jahr
Auszug aus
Aquamarin. Roman
Carol Anshaw
Genau so lässt sich der Roman beschreiben. Jesses Geschichte wird aus drei unterschiedlichen Perspektiven erzählt. Und das Zitat von oben ist der Leitsatz zu allen drei Perspektiven.
Mich regte die Geschichte zum nachdenken an. Was bedeutet so eine Wahl für unser Leben ? Habt ihr euch darüber schon mal Gedanken gemacht ?
Auch wenn ich am Anfang etwas verwirrt war, fand ich das Buch perfekt. Es ist keine Unterhaltungsliteratur. Es regt zum nachdenken an und fordert einen auch. Aber dennoch eines der besten Bücher dieses Jahr
July 25, 2025
Some good language, but didn't really appreciate the 3 different lives nor the ending.
November 2, 2010
Michael Cunningham (who wrote the fabulous book THE HOURS) recommended this book. I can see how he liked the stance of a woman who is a champion swimmer and takes a dive into three different scenarios of how her life could have been. I suppose it's up to the reader to decide which is the TRUE story (if one wants to go that route). Alas, the book didn't flow as well as I would have liked. There were some memorable lines though:
"I don't want you to think I'm after your secrets. I'm not. I'm just looking for a way in."
I would have rather it been ONE FULL STORY with her psychological feelings all wrapped together. I guess its just another author trying to be creative.
The writer wrote: THE NEXT MINUTE IS AN AQUAMARINE BLUR. I find that amusing now because most of the book will ultimately be a blur. I wouldn't strongly recommend this as it's easy to put down and NOT pick up again. It took some strain for me to finish. I like a book that I can't wait to read...try MEMOIRS OF HECATE COUNTY by Edmund Wilson instead--quite a literary find!
"I don't want you to think I'm after your secrets. I'm not. I'm just looking for a way in."
I would have rather it been ONE FULL STORY with her psychological feelings all wrapped together. I guess its just another author trying to be creative.
The writer wrote: THE NEXT MINUTE IS AN AQUAMARINE BLUR. I find that amusing now because most of the book will ultimately be a blur. I wouldn't strongly recommend this as it's easy to put down and NOT pick up again. It took some strain for me to finish. I like a book that I can't wait to read...try MEMOIRS OF HECATE COUNTY by Edmund Wilson instead--quite a literary find!
April 19, 2012
The book opens with Jesse competing as a swimmer for the US at the 1968 Olympics where she takes the silver medal. From there, the book veers off in three different directions. The book jumps to 1990, finding Jesse nearing 40 and contemplating her life from three dramatically different vantage points. Following the Olympics, she makes various decisions and Anshaw tracks how different her life would have been if she had made some choices as opposed to others. For example, one story line has her moving back to Missouri and moving on from swimming, while another story line has her deciding to tour, promoting a line of swim suits with her name attached. I don't want to explain any more. Part of the joy of this book is seeing how different Jesse's life would be with different choices, and how other aspects of her life seem unalterable no matter what choices she makes.
Exquisite. The writing is just lovely, every single word. A book that you want to read slowly, to savor, but it is just too good and I read it in just a few short days.
Exquisite. The writing is just lovely, every single word. A book that you want to read slowly, to savor, but it is just too good and I read it in just a few short days.
June 17, 2020
Haven’t we all wondered what our lives would be like if we had married a different person, or moved to a new city, or took a different career path? The writer covers this theme with gorgeous writing following 3 different possibilities for our heroine.
October 6, 2024
as a kid in my lit class said this is basically the song good luck babe as a book
October 5, 2021
I originally gave this four stars but upgraded to five after some musing.
Going into this, I was unsure that I would get the point of yet another sliding doors style story where a person makes a small choice differently and we see the impact it has on their life. While it's true that this is essentially the story of an Olympic athlete competing in the biggest swim race of her life and then fast forwarding to three completely different versions of her life twenty years later, each version pulled me in and engaged me fully, so kudos where it's due.
Each of the three versions of Jesse's life are significantly different except for one thing: regret. In various flashes of insight, we get hints about Jesse clearly being in love with her biggest competition at the time, Marty, and the regret that haunts her about them completely losing touch subsequently. Each version of Jesse's life features roughly a similar cast but even the ones closest to her in one life are relative strangers in another. If you like fully fleshed out characters, this is a really engaging book.
I also enjoyed the questions raised by Jesse's memory. She admits to turning Marty's character into whatever suits her best at the time to inspire passion, but it's really interesting how she's unsure about Marty's and her own actions and motivations as time goes on. The questions that haunt her are interesting: Regret and memory are the threads that bind the three narratives.
I'm definitely interested in reading more of Carol Anshaw's writing after reading what she did with this idea.
Going into this, I was unsure that I would get the point of yet another sliding doors style story where a person makes a small choice differently and we see the impact it has on their life. While it's true that this is essentially the story of an Olympic athlete competing in the biggest swim race of her life and then fast forwarding to three completely different versions of her life twenty years later, each version pulled me in and engaged me fully, so kudos where it's due.
Each of the three versions of Jesse's life are significantly different except for one thing: regret. In various flashes of insight, we get hints about Jesse clearly being in love with her biggest competition at the time, Marty, and the regret that haunts her about them completely losing touch subsequently. Each version of Jesse's life features roughly a similar cast but even the ones closest to her in one life are relative strangers in another. If you like fully fleshed out characters, this is a really engaging book.
I also enjoyed the questions raised by Jesse's memory. She admits to turning Marty's character into whatever suits her best at the time to inspire passion, but it's really interesting how she's unsure about Marty's and her own actions and motivations as time goes on. The questions that haunt her are interesting: Regret and memory are the threads that bind the three narratives.
I'm definitely interested in reading more of Carol Anshaw's writing after reading what she did with this idea.
July 22, 2024
Read this one with Emily and Carlie
This book is simultaneously about the millions of different ways every person’s life can go, and the certain-ness with which some things will still happen regardless of which path you choose to go down. The book takes you first through a pivotal moment in the main character’s life, and then three drastically different options for how her life could turn out years down the line from that first pivotal moment. The similarities echoing through each different option, and the way they all lead her to the same ultimate fate remind the reader that some things may be set in stone in your life, no matter how much you change others.
Highly recommend!
This book is simultaneously about the millions of different ways every person’s life can go, and the certain-ness with which some things will still happen regardless of which path you choose to go down. The book takes you first through a pivotal moment in the main character’s life, and then three drastically different options for how her life could turn out years down the line from that first pivotal moment. The similarities echoing through each different option, and the way they all lead her to the same ultimate fate remind the reader that some things may be set in stone in your life, no matter how much you change others.
Highly recommend!
April 25, 2022
Carol Anshaw's writing is a treat. This book describes the three different possible lives of one woman, from one "sliding door moment" in her teens, one second-place finish in a race that affects the rest of her life, her choices and relationships with family, friends and spouses. Anshaw creates characters that are specific and real, gives us a vision into their world and pushes them beyond their comfort level, and she does this with so much humor and ease, we're carried along effortlessly.
January 13, 2025
My friend bought this for me because I love books about the different paths that one character's life can take. In Aquamarine, the central character is Jesse and we see her in 3 different versions of her life. As usual in this genre, there are other characters and events that tie all 3 versions together. But what I found most interesting is that there is no single event that explains what has landed her in each life. The book opens with Jesse winning 2nd place at a swim match in the 1968 Olympics, and that 2nd place finish and the events of those Olympic games weigh heavily on her in all 3 versions of her life. I thought for sure that in one version she would have received first place, or in another version perhaps she hadn't gone to the Olympics at all, but that is not the case. I guess the real pivot point incident is whether or not Jesse accepts Tom Bellini's offer to go on tour with him to promote a swimsuit named for her. In life #1, she rejects his offer and ends up staying in her home town and marrying a local guy. In life #2, she accepts his offer but after the tour she settles in NYC, becomes a professor and finds another woman to love. And in life #3 she, accepts's Tom's offer and ultimately marries him, settling down in Florida.
The writing in this book is really lovely, and in all 3 lives, Jesse and the other characters are very likable and you care about what happens to them. I also enjoyed that Jesse's lives in #1 and #3 are so very different than mine, but I still found everybody very relatable. What was confounding in this book was the WHY? What is Anshaw trying to say here about the different paths one's life can take? Since the event that Jesse continues to ruminate on is the SAME in all 3 lives, there is no suggestion of "if only" that event (getting 2nd place) had been different (e.g. she got first place) her whole life would have gone spinning in another direction. I think Anshaw is more interested in exploring the idea that there are some experiences in our human lives that are SO CENTRAL to the core of who we are, that no matter what path our lives take (where we live, whom we love), that event can remain lodged under our ribs and never let us go.
The writing in this book is really lovely, and in all 3 lives, Jesse and the other characters are very likable and you care about what happens to them. I also enjoyed that Jesse's lives in #1 and #3 are so very different than mine, but I still found everybody very relatable. What was confounding in this book was the WHY? What is Anshaw trying to say here about the different paths one's life can take? Since the event that Jesse continues to ruminate on is the SAME in all 3 lives, there is no suggestion of "if only" that event (getting 2nd place) had been different (e.g. she got first place) her whole life would have gone spinning in another direction. I think Anshaw is more interested in exploring the idea that there are some experiences in our human lives that are SO CENTRAL to the core of who we are, that no matter what path our lives take (where we live, whom we love), that event can remain lodged under our ribs and never let us go.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 24, 2015
In 1968, Jesse Austin took the silver medal for the hundred-meter freestyle in Mexico City. After the Olympics, Jesse has to make some quick and tough decisions that will shape her life in numerous ways. The author depicts three of these potential lives: giving up swimming completely and staying home, becoming a literature professor and a mostly-out lesbian in New York City, and being a single mother to two children in Florida.
It was interesting to see that, no matter how different the lives, how many similarities amongst them there are. I don't want to give too much away, but I must say that the second life described is the one that is preferable to me, although I feel that the first one is probably more likely than the second.
I know that this book has a lot of great reviews, but I had a hard time getting invested in the stories. It took me almost a month to read this book, and it's not even two hundred pages. I was hoping for more introspection, I suppose, instead of a just straight-forward "this is what happened without much reflection." And some of it simply didn't make sense.
To be honest, I don't see what the fuss is about when it comes to this book. It was okay, but not memorable.
It was interesting to see that, no matter how different the lives, how many similarities amongst them there are. I don't want to give too much away, but I must say that the second life described is the one that is preferable to me, although I feel that the first one is probably more likely than the second.
I know that this book has a lot of great reviews, but I had a hard time getting invested in the stories. It took me almost a month to read this book, and it's not even two hundred pages. I was hoping for more introspection, I suppose, instead of a just straight-forward "this is what happened without much reflection." And some of it simply didn't make sense.
To be honest, I don't see what the fuss is about when it comes to this book. It was okay, but not memorable.
September 2, 2024
Agagagagagag - this is the sound of me losing my mind.
Only picked this up because I read a blurb from it in a standardized test this summer. Honestly not so sure if there’s a real reason for this at all.
Jesse 😔.
Is that one really her best life? The actual one?
Let her have a life not surrounded by her past gosh.
Feel like I dragged myself through this even though I started it because it was short. A book less than 200 pages long should NOT be making feel that way for no good reason.
I like the concept of this. I hate how much she devotes her mind to her.
Some highlighted parts!
Only picked this up because I read a blurb from it in a standardized test this summer. Honestly not so sure if there’s a real reason for this at all.
Jesse 😔.
Is that one really her best life? The actual one?
Let her have a life not surrounded by her past gosh.
Feel like I dragged myself through this even though I started it because it was short. A book less than 200 pages long should NOT be making feel that way for no good reason.
I like the concept of this. I hate how much she devotes her mind to her.
Some highlighted parts!
July 7, 2008
This book so deserves 5 stars! It was a super-fast read, because you just couldn't get enough of the story - you just HAD to know what kind of life she would live next, what kind of compromises she would make in the major decisions that make up a lifetime until she finally admitted her own truth to herself..
It's a story about an Olympic swimmer and the many paths (fleshed out) that her life could have taken after the fateful day in the Olympic pool when she competed for the gold medal..
I can't say anything more without giving away the story, but it was so well written, and the characters were so three dimensional, real, human.......it was a very touching story that almost made me flip to the end several times, which I NEVER do (and I was able to restrain myself this time too, but just barely!!).
just read it - it's so worth the time - I read almost the entire thing in one night..
It's a story about an Olympic swimmer and the many paths (fleshed out) that her life could have taken after the fateful day in the Olympic pool when she competed for the gold medal..
I can't say anything more without giving away the story, but it was so well written, and the characters were so three dimensional, real, human.......it was a very touching story that almost made me flip to the end several times, which I NEVER do (and I was able to restrain myself this time too, but just barely!!).
just read it - it's so worth the time - I read almost the entire thing in one night..
August 28, 2020
This is a depressing piece of literary fiction about a woman who is a former Olympic swimmer. She had a one-night stand with her chief competitor the night before their Olympic race, which haunts her for the rest of her life: was the relationship between them something real? or was her competitor just trying to get under her skin, smooth off her competitive edge the night before the Olympics? was that the reason she got silver, while her lover got gold - and, perhaps, did she lose to her on purpose?
The book follows her life in middle age in three alternate universes, each one mundane, with no purpose to her life and with disappointing, troubled, unfulfilling, with unfulfilled potential, and not very close relationships with the people closest to her in each universe, many of whom mean nothing to her in the other two universes. For awhile I was excited thinking that the stories would all turn out to be in the same universe - that somehow she had split apart at one turning point in her life, and there were three versions of herself going about in the same world and having different peripheral interactions with the same recurring characters - but nothing came of that, and it seemed each of the universes existed separately from the others. In the end, in every universe, everything, including the most meaningful thing to her in every universe: her brief relationship with her competitor, is all meaningless. To me, it was a book about futility and regret.
Favorite quotes:
He has worked softly on Jesse over the years, trying to persuade her to his contented point of view, but all he has really been able to do is to put a layer of soundproofing between her and whatever it is she has always been listening for.
All his life, people have been telling Jesse he [her mentally disabled brother] might well be better off than everyone else, without the usual cares and woes, happy all the time. She hates this. She has never thought of his retardation as something that is him, but rather something that wraps and suppresses him. A too heavy overcoat that muffles the real Willie inside. And she thinks if you asked the inside Willie if he’d like to get out of the coat, even though it would mean dropping the protective layer, he’d jump at the chance. Jesse wishes she could see in there. Sometimes this happens for a flash; she gets a glimpse. One time they were in the A & W lot. She had just ordered a couple of mugs over the speakerbox, then turned to ask if he wanted onion rings, too, and got stopped by his expression, which had taken on sharp, focused aspects of adulthood. For a split second he appeared full of thought and concerns, poised to say something. And then, the expression faded, his features slipped back into their usual state of guileless expectancy, as though life was just about to start happening for him.
Jesse reads in a self-improving way, a meandering program of acquisition she began years ago. She is working toward being well-read—filled with important quotes and stinging observations and hard, clear truths she will keep to herself.
The town pays Vernon the sort of overwrought respect and politeness that amounts to ostracism.
“Biographies always depress me. I mean, you know, how they all end the same way.”
“That’s the point. You only munch novels and you get too hopeful a vision. Biographies bring you down. They’re cautionary.”
“But what’s the caution?"
He holds out an open cellophane pack of Gummi Bears to her.
“Now,” he says. “Now is what biographies whisper. Soon it will be too late.”
“It’s like I keep translating her into whatever I need to keep the anger going.” And the passion, she doesn’t say. “So I can keep pulling a charge off her. Touch the wire. Keep feeling the current twitch through my fingers,” Jesse says, being almost completely candid, almost candidly complete. Holding back only a few things, colors mostly. The night-white light down in the showers, and the aquamarine.
He pulls her into the corny fox trot he uses to sidestep bad moments. He can’t stand for her to have any.
Jesse takes Olivia upstairs to nurse her, something they both enjoy. Jesse is nuts about this baby. She couldn’t have guessed this. She had no idea she had this particular set of feelings inside her. A lot of the time it’s as though she is drunk with love. And it’s a right love, about something real and permanent. Not some riling thing making all the hairs on her neck stand up and setting everything else on edge. All that is behind her; she can feel herself sealed away from it. She has put it on the other side of the liquid wall she sees as the border of her life as she’s living it. Beyond this, hidden from view, are the rejected choices, like Wayne. Also the unmade ones. Even though she can’t see these clearly, she feels them pulsing out there, all the unmet others, all the untried ways of pushing against the fates. She knows they exist, though, by the shape of their absence, by the shadows she can just barely make out on the other side of the membrane.
Jesse is lying very still under Marty, feeling the full press of her, taking on her imprint, committing her body to memory.
Some moments supersaturate, take on almost more than one tiny fragment of time can hold.
“I’ll peel off the stamps and carry them in my mouth,” Marty said. “To taste you on the back.”
And then somewhere along the way, he slipped from surprises into secrets, started becoming this elaborately unknowable person.
Marty doesn’t give off so much as a blink of wondering who Jesse is, or trying to put her into this context, or wondering why she is here—none of the things that happen when you’re not expecting someone. Rather it appears she has been expecting Jesse all along, as she leans forward against the railing and moves straight into a smile of pure pleasure, her eyes filled with lies. Jesse waits to, wants to, hear them.
The book follows her life in middle age in three alternate universes, each one mundane, with no purpose to her life and with disappointing, troubled, unfulfilling, with unfulfilled potential, and not very close relationships with the people closest to her in each universe, many of whom mean nothing to her in the other two universes. For awhile I was excited thinking that the stories would all turn out to be in the same universe - that somehow she had split apart at one turning point in her life, and there were three versions of herself going about in the same world and having different peripheral interactions with the same recurring characters - but nothing came of that, and it seemed each of the universes existed separately from the others. In the end, in every universe, everything, including the most meaningful thing to her in every universe: her brief relationship with her competitor, is all meaningless. To me, it was a book about futility and regret.
Favorite quotes:
He has worked softly on Jesse over the years, trying to persuade her to his contented point of view, but all he has really been able to do is to put a layer of soundproofing between her and whatever it is she has always been listening for.
All his life, people have been telling Jesse he [her mentally disabled brother] might well be better off than everyone else, without the usual cares and woes, happy all the time. She hates this. She has never thought of his retardation as something that is him, but rather something that wraps and suppresses him. A too heavy overcoat that muffles the real Willie inside. And she thinks if you asked the inside Willie if he’d like to get out of the coat, even though it would mean dropping the protective layer, he’d jump at the chance. Jesse wishes she could see in there. Sometimes this happens for a flash; she gets a glimpse. One time they were in the A & W lot. She had just ordered a couple of mugs over the speakerbox, then turned to ask if he wanted onion rings, too, and got stopped by his expression, which had taken on sharp, focused aspects of adulthood. For a split second he appeared full of thought and concerns, poised to say something. And then, the expression faded, his features slipped back into their usual state of guileless expectancy, as though life was just about to start happening for him.
Jesse reads in a self-improving way, a meandering program of acquisition she began years ago. She is working toward being well-read—filled with important quotes and stinging observations and hard, clear truths she will keep to herself.
The town pays Vernon the sort of overwrought respect and politeness that amounts to ostracism.
“Biographies always depress me. I mean, you know, how they all end the same way.”
“That’s the point. You only munch novels and you get too hopeful a vision. Biographies bring you down. They’re cautionary.”
“But what’s the caution?"
He holds out an open cellophane pack of Gummi Bears to her.
“Now,” he says. “Now is what biographies whisper. Soon it will be too late.”
“It’s like I keep translating her into whatever I need to keep the anger going.” And the passion, she doesn’t say. “So I can keep pulling a charge off her. Touch the wire. Keep feeling the current twitch through my fingers,” Jesse says, being almost completely candid, almost candidly complete. Holding back only a few things, colors mostly. The night-white light down in the showers, and the aquamarine.
He pulls her into the corny fox trot he uses to sidestep bad moments. He can’t stand for her to have any.
Jesse takes Olivia upstairs to nurse her, something they both enjoy. Jesse is nuts about this baby. She couldn’t have guessed this. She had no idea she had this particular set of feelings inside her. A lot of the time it’s as though she is drunk with love. And it’s a right love, about something real and permanent. Not some riling thing making all the hairs on her neck stand up and setting everything else on edge. All that is behind her; she can feel herself sealed away from it. She has put it on the other side of the liquid wall she sees as the border of her life as she’s living it. Beyond this, hidden from view, are the rejected choices, like Wayne. Also the unmade ones. Even though she can’t see these clearly, she feels them pulsing out there, all the unmet others, all the untried ways of pushing against the fates. She knows they exist, though, by the shape of their absence, by the shadows she can just barely make out on the other side of the membrane.
Jesse is lying very still under Marty, feeling the full press of her, taking on her imprint, committing her body to memory.
Some moments supersaturate, take on almost more than one tiny fragment of time can hold.
“I’ll peel off the stamps and carry them in my mouth,” Marty said. “To taste you on the back.”
And then somewhere along the way, he slipped from surprises into secrets, started becoming this elaborately unknowable person.
Marty doesn’t give off so much as a blink of wondering who Jesse is, or trying to put her into this context, or wondering why she is here—none of the things that happen when you’re not expecting someone. Rather it appears she has been expecting Jesse all along, as she leans forward against the railing and moves straight into a smile of pure pleasure, her eyes filled with lies. Jesse waits to, wants to, hear them.
January 29, 2016
Very sensitively written novel centered around Jesse Austin, whose second place finish in Olympic swimming decades ago (lost against a friend) manages to haunt her very existence to current day. The novel is structured so that we witness three possible "continuations" of her life 20 years afterwards; one as a lesbian academic living in NY, one as a divorcee living in Florida, and another as still living in her hometown in Missouri. The veritable likeable godmother character shows up in various guises in all renditions. One tends to feel compassionate towards Jesse's situation, but not overly melodramatically so.
I recommend looking into Anshaw's work; doesn't seem like she gets much attention in the popular and literary presses.
I recommend looking into Anshaw's work; doesn't seem like she gets much attention in the popular and literary presses.
July 28, 2018
Jesse wins second place in 1968 Olympics for freestyle 100-metres swimming: Carol Anshaw then gives us three possible futures for Jesse, depending on choices she made directly following her swimming triumph. Each is believable, though the happiest, where Jesse is dating women and living in New York, feels the least grounded in reality. Perhaps this book hasn't aged well, or perhaps it simply isn't for me, but I found the premise trite -- because of course different choices we make define our lives in different ways -- and many of the references or plotlines felt ableist, classist or racist. It's a quick read, and Anshaw's prose style is assured, but I didn't enjoy this.
Also, did people really use the word "bogus" so much in 1990?
Also, did people really use the word "bogus" so much in 1990?
April 7, 2009
I wouldn't call it timeless, but I would call it marvelous.
I did a little Reader's Advisory work for my friend A-, a very finicky fiction reader. In reading about this book, I was enamored with the premise: Three possible futures are woven for a woman who narrowly missed winning a swimming gold medal in the 1968 Summer Olympics. The tales -- as a small-town wife, a cosmopolitan lesbian returning home, and a single parent of troubled teenagers -- are wonderfully consistent and richly original on their own.
The brilliance is in the details.
I did a little Reader's Advisory work for my friend A-, a very finicky fiction reader. In reading about this book, I was enamored with the premise: Three possible futures are woven for a woman who narrowly missed winning a swimming gold medal in the 1968 Summer Olympics. The tales -- as a small-town wife, a cosmopolitan lesbian returning home, and a single parent of troubled teenagers -- are wonderfully consistent and richly original on their own.
The brilliance is in the details.
October 7, 2012
3.5 stars. Cool exercise in exploring three possible lives in the aftermath of one person's shot at glory. Anshaw writes well and tellingly. I took a class with her in grad school and she was generous, honest, and refreshing--hard to be both candid and supportive at the same time when you read and critique someone's creative writing, but she managed to do it.
November 28, 2016
I can't believe I wasn't familiar with Carol Anshaw until now. What a talent she is! She writes very realistic, beautifully crafted stories about characters so real they could live next door. This book was a special experience for me because the multiple reality premise was similar to a book I wrote a few years ago, only this was much more concise. I'll definitely be reading more by this author.
March 23, 2018
A little artless and disjointed at times, but I really liked Jesse, and a lot of the writing was great. The triptych of Jesse’s various lives felt a little choose-your-own-adventure-y, and yet its obsession with the unlived life worked. Would recommend to washed-up athletes and nostalgics. (Also lol at someone else’s review: “You don’t have to be gay to enjoy this book!”)
May 1, 2008
Like a giant Ready Whip can. Delicious.
March 14, 2013
Gorgeous book. The writing just flowed seamlessly between dialogue and narrative.
December 4, 2023
Really cool premise
March 4, 2022
Being an avid swimmer myself, I wanted to love this book, so promising with its graceful and simple cover, and I'm glad I did. What we get is 3 versions of how a silver medallist at the Mexico Olympics coped with that relatively disappointing result and her life afterwards. In version 1, Jesse returns to her Missouri hometown, marries a nice guy, struggles to get pregnant, and when she finally does, unaccountably develops a crush on a younger man, maybe the way some other pregnant women crave strawberries. In version 2, she becomes a lesbian academic living in New York. In version 3, she ends up a bitter divorced woman with 2 problem kids in Florida. In all 3 versions, she has a difficult relationship with her mother and a strong commitment to her mentally challenged brother William. In all 3 versions she can't stop wondering whether the Australian swimmer who had sex with her the day before the final did so in order to weaken her and increase her own chances of a gold medal, which she did win, but only in the last version does Jesse fly to Australia to confront Marty. All this is very deftly handled and Anshaw is terrific with background, small details and dialogue.
June 12, 2019
A quite wonderful piece of literary fiction at its finest. Aquamarine starts in the ”supersaturated moments” of October 1968 in Mexico City, when Jesse Austin is on the point of diving into the Olympic waters for the 100 metres swim, head to head with her arch-rival, the seventeen-year-old Australian Marty Finch. From this pivotal point, on the cusp of adulthood, the narrative diverges into three (or four, or more) what-ifs, deceptively similar yet wildly different versions of Jesse's life at the age of 39, on the brink of middle-age, all linking back to those 100 metres in Mexico, more than twenty years ago. It’s such a ride, and I loved being taken along for it; I thoroughly enjoyed Anshaw’s fluid and multi-layered prose, the referential but never reverential (as Sophie Mayer would have it) mix of ’high' and ’low’ culture, the spiralling, colourful movement of the partly crossing-over narrative strands. A brightly lit pool of a book to jump into, with all your senses turned to a liquid, ’lying’ story of loving, living and letting go.
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