Encouragement: The Unexpected Power of Building Others Up

by Larry Crabb, Dan B. Allender

According to Drs. Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, Encouragement is more than a compliment or a pat on the back. It is a skill that can be mastered by anyone.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Counselling, Christianity, Faith, Discipleship

156 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1984

About the author

Lawrence J. Crabb Jr.

Larry Crabb is a well-known Christian psychologist, conference and seminar speaker, Bible teacher, and author of more than 25 books—including his most recent, When God’s Ways Make No Sense and two Gold Medallion award-winners Inside Out and Understanding People. He is also the founder/director of NewWay Ministries & most recently his "legacy ministry", LargerStory.com. In addition to various other speaking and teaching opportunities, Crabb offers a week-long School of Spiritual Direction held each year here at The Cove and the Glen Eyrie in CO. He currently is scholar-in-residence at Colorado Christian University. Larry and his wife of 50 years, Rachael, reside near Charlotte, N.C.

Reviews

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is the greatest chasm between cover design and content depth in my reading experience.

This book made me wonder why we emphasize things like careers when we ask and answer questions about what we want to do with our lives, what we're good at, and who we are. Why don't we seek to excel and study at things like making other people feel loved instead of fearful? I want to change my outlook on who I am. I want to add "encourager" to the list of roles that I use to identify myself. I would love to influence other people to think this way, too. Encouragement is a spiritual gift I've identified with for a long time. This book was the first time I considered it from the perspective of something I could actively improve from the perspective of my ability to identify what's going on in someone's life and the skills I have to speak past their layers and implant some courage where they keep fear.

This book took too long to finish, but I anticipate returning to it to remember things like reflection, clarification, and exploration. The little visuals of circles encasing fear in layers will stick in my mind as I raise my kids, talk to my wife, teach my students, wait in the line at the grocery store, and go on walks or trips to the zoo or any other place full of people.

This book made me think deeply about the nature of my relationship with Jesus: do I seek encouragement and power from him alone? Am I able to rely solely on him to lead me out into the world with full intent to patiently listen and encourage? Am I willing to dig in deeper with him in order to pour out joy and peace and courage to others? How can I learn from him as I seek to become a better encourager?

[Tim Casteel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would be more accurately titled: “How to be others focused.”
The best kind of book: short and packed with deep understanding of human nature (yet easy to understand).

Our primary barrier to being others focused: our feeling of emptiness, wondering “if I’m always pouring into others who will pour into me?”.
The answer - life is hard and you will always be alone! So stop waiting for others to pour into you. But that loneliness is the pathway to intimacy with God (which is what you ultimately want). And ultimately connecting deeply with others is a side effect of 1) depending only on God and 2) focusing on others.

Pairs nicely with Tim Keller’s the Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness. Crabb’s book quickly (and, somehow, deeply!) dives into how to live that out.

[Jessica Lynette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I randomly came across this book called Encouragement and, being interested in the subject, decided to give it a listen. I’m so glad I did—it’s remarkable.

Larry Crabb doesn’t treat encouragement as a technique or communication skill. Instead, he presents it as a ministry: rooted in love, forged in loneliness, and directed at fear.

One quote that stayed with me:

“The character of an encourager must be strong. It must be molded and hardened in the fires of loneliness when no one but God is there.”

Crabb challenges readers to depend on God alone while pouring themselves out for others. He reframes encouragement not as something to master, but as a sensitivity—to God, to others, and to what fear is doing in their lives.

This book gave language to convictions I’ve felt but hadn’t articulated: that encouragement is prompted by love and aimed at fear. That it’s costly. That it forms us even as we offer it. And that it’s a calling worth embracing.

[Lonita Shirk Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid conversation and tips on encouragement. His view of encouragement sounds a lot like lay counseling. The author did acknowledge that encouragement in itself can be inadequate in some situations that actually require therapy.

I didn't love his view that people in the ministry of encouragement shouldn't depend on anyone else but rather be always serving. Seems like a recipe for burnout.

[Sophie Rooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical interpersonal communication skills. It isnt going to wow you or change your life drastically, but rather challenge the simple call to be encouragers while also giving good insight in the difference between attempting to fix the problem and showing you are standing by those around you.

[Ben Adkison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading for a paper I’m writing on encouragement as a key ingredient to creating gospel culture in your church/organization. Really helpful. Larry Crabb is always great.

[Rowan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I took notes while reading this book to put to memory and thereby to use many key pointers and words of wisdom such as
* a well timed word has the power to urge a runner to finish the race.
* Quick advice can miss the problem
* Door Closers & Door openers for keeping the conservation going and open.
* we are to depend on God for acceptance.

I appreciated the examples the author gave in challenging to the church against being superficial and too open.

Overall I think this a good quick read that helps explains how powerful and spirit the use of words and encouragement to both the individual and to the church.

[Lavon Herschberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this might be a "how to" on encouragement and therapeutic communication. Only 2 chapters meet that description. The rest hit deep at subjects like layers/masks, fear, oversharing, and responding to subtle opportunities to encourage.

This is not about shallow encouragement (e.g. "good job with preaching today"), it's about learning to be sensitive and aware of the core fears of others and having the courage to show love and acceptance to someone despite seeing their real self. It's about the rare kind of encouraging words that actually change lives.

It's a quick read, but an essential one.

[Georgia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picked it up off the church bookshelf and read it cover to cover in an hour and a half. Biblical and practical, Crabb & Allender's godly wisdom on the why and how of encouragement was indeed a very timely word for me! I feel this is a book I will revisit many times in the years to come.

[Jonathan Ammon · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book on communication I've read. Surprisingly transforming for church life. Relevant to marriages, discipleship, counseling, and spiritual gifts as well. A short, practical, and potent book.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Encouragement is important business.” Larry Crabb and Dan Allender begin “Encouragement” with this reminder. Crabb and Allender are convinced that if we can put encouragement into practice, lives will change.

Crabb and Allender remind us that “People are hurting more deeply than we know.” Sincere words that pierce the heart and direct the listener toward Christ are life-giving. “What prevents our words from having power?” Crabb and Allender ask. When our words they don’t speak to the core emotion of those we speak to.

Crabb and Allender back up and help us recognize that we all walk through with a defensive layer around our core emotion. This protective layer shields us both from receiving and from offering meaningful communication to one another. When we live in this space we have surface community. That is not to say we ought to live in total openness with everyone, Crabb and Allender assure. That only “replaces surface community with fractured community.” A commitment to one another’s Christlikeness has to be the foundation of our authenticity.

At the foundation of any healthy community is a commitment first to Christ and then to one another. In a day and age of church shopping and commodified relationships, this piece stuck out to me as profound in its simplicity. Of course, what is profound in our relationship with God is his unshakeable commitment to us.

God is our ultimate source of encouragement. “At those moments when loneliness is the greatest, we must turn in desperate dependency to God. We must entrust ourselves so completely to him that our psychological doom is assured if he fails to respond. Then we will come to know more of him. Then godly character will grow. His glory burst through most brightly when the night is darkest. His strength is proven most sufficient when we are weakest. His love penetrates most deeply when we feel unloved.”

Ultimately, “Words that encourage are aimed (1) inspired by love, and (2) directed toward fear [the core emotion].” Relationship is the context of truth that changes us. Encouragement is not to be confused with manipulating someone else for our end. It has to be focused on their best interest.
One of my favorite pieces of the book is one of Crabb’s diagrams in chapter 9. In it, Crabb shows that when truth meets our protective layer, it leads to the response of conformity, complacency, or callousness, while when truth hits our core fear, it leads to growth or rebellion. I actually wish Crabb would have spent more time here. Some of the reasons for Crabb’s analysis here made sense, but I would have appreciated Crabb teasing out the why’s of this further.

Crabb and Allender’s “Encouragement” is a helpful and practical resource for anyone who wants to impact others for better. While there were a few loose ends that I would have appreciated having them explore, the foundation of encouragement’s relationship to God, to our fears, and to community are set well in place here.

One final comment: I read the 2013 Zondervan paperback reprint of this book and was very disappointed with the quality. The paper and the binding were the cheapest possible quality. If you’re able to buy another print of this book I would encourage you to do so.

For more reviews see www.thebeehive.live.

[Jo Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ This book had a few really helpful ways to think about encouragement, mainly that good listening and taking opportunities to go deeper than surface level are the starting points for living an encouraging life.


p44
“But the basis of our fellowship is our shared life in Christ. Relationships must be regarded as opportunities to promote a fuller appreciation of Christ through mirroring Christ to one another, treating each other as valuable bearers of the image of God, and accepting one another in spite of shortcomings.”

p74, 75
“Many people have developed real skill in steering conversations away from sensitive areas into the safe territory of trivia. . . .this woman’s sweetness and charm were not the expression of love. Actually they were nothing more than manipulative layers designed to protect herself from hurt.”

p94
1. Opportunities for encouragement will go unrecognized unless we consciously choose the goal of ministry as we talk with people;
2. Hidden opportunities for encouragement will surface as we express sensitive recognition of potential needs.

p100
“Sensitive listeners respond to comments with words that convey an interest in hearing more, sentences that open the door to information. Words that transmit two messages:
1. I am interested in whatever you have to say
2. I will accept you regardless of what you say”

p119
“We must discipline ourselves to speak slowly, to be sensitive to the needs and problems of the person with whom we are speaking, and to speak gently with the purpose of reducing fear.”

[LAMONT D · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good question to ask is how practical is a book written back in 1984? Would it relate to today's church? Even though he does date himself with several of his illustrations, I believe there is some valuable advice backed up by Scripture in this book. I do get a sense that it would be hard to fully comprehend and therefore teach these concepts or principles to others. But I kept asking myself how this relates to those that I interact with; how can I be much more intentional in the words that I use and more importantly the motive behind my words. Great questions to ask and ponder as we all should try to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, encouraging one another as best as we can with God's help - Hebrews 10).

[Caleb Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully moving, Larry and Dan do a great job at sketching the outline of practical, encouraging communities. I personally was motivated to implement some of the ways of encouragement in this book and was also reminded of ways to encourage I haven’t seen in a long time.

Larry Crabb is beautifully sensitive, concise, and practical in his writings while Allender is brilliantly methodical in his two chapters.

Incredibly encouraged by this book and hoping to implement its listening and communication strategies in my everyday interactions.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a call to take on the ministry of encouragement. The starting point is how great a need and how powerful encouragement can be in a community. A simple model is proposed which is centered on a commitment to love, rather than a commitment to total honesty which can be destructive. Next the character of someone who will be an effective encourager is examined, and then a number of practical issues are explored. Themes in this book will be familiar, though more broadly applicable to anyone who has read The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb,

[Katelyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall a solid book with insightful and powerful strategies on the what's, why's, and how's of true biblical encouragement. I would give it 4 stars but there are a couple serious problem areas for me, primarily in areas of sharing your own trials, expressing emotions, and allowing others to encourage you. His thoughts seem to be contrary to what I've learned from Cloud, Townsend, Scazzero, and others on the power and importance of vulnerability in community.

[Gaby Dj · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book takes you through understanding people, the barriers in reaching the heart and the importance of words in ministering to others. Because every person God put in our life has struggles and fears that we're called to love through words. My main takeaway is that attitude and motivation is more important and will shape the words that come out of our mouths. Above all be willing to not only respond but commit to loving the other and walking with them!

[Vio Stoian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Larry Crabb is one of my favorites when it comes to teaching on caring for people from God's perspective. This book is a short and good reading. I like his approach of showing why encouraging and supporting is very important to have a healthy Chris like community. I recommend this book for everyone who wants to know how to love your neighbor as Jesus commended us.

[Ysobel Joaquin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book both deals with heart issues and practical guidance in building others up. It is good for those who wish to encourage others and be real intentional in using their gifts to care for others.

[Ariette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dated book but the content is timeless and great

[Shaniece Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a eye opening book

I loved to read thus. I read it in my little group and it was literally amazing to read and will re-read many times

[Luke Merrick · Rating 2 out of 5]

Common sense read. The summaries are helpful at the end of the chapter to get what Crabb is communicating.

[Flo · Rating 4 out of 5]

👍

[Tony H · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much to learn here.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. Lots of great quotes to ponder on for a good while! Super good for myself currently, but also reminders of how to learn to truly love others well.

[Iasmina Ivasco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deci cartea asta, e genială!!! Deci cum să explic…
Tot explicat foarte clar, mesajul e real și direct. Este relevant pentru timpurile de acuma, și e ceea ce au nevoie bisericile și creștinii.

[Gloria Galloso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gave me a new perspective on the value of encouragement in our churches today. Also very practical.

[Katie Ortiz]

Encouragement is a short text which is easy to read and can be applied to the Christian walk through detailed scenarios, some biblical application, and drawn out steps of encouragement which are not forced or reading off a script.  I picked up this book which was recommended by another Christian author I was reading at the time and the title caught my eye because one of my top spiritual gifts is that of exhortation. The book allows for some practical discussion about encouragement and our need for encouragement in the church.  
I think I became less interested as the book ended and Dr. Dan Allender took over the last couple of chapters including scenarios with possible solutions to them.  This portion of the book somewhat seemed to defeat the purpose of mentioning how encouragement is not a set script to follow; however, upon reading through each situation- I do see where Dr. Allender was going with his points.  
The text is not the deepest read on encouragement, but I do see this to be a start- particularly, perhaps, for someone who is being slowly introduced to the importance of encouraging others or not exactly sure what this looks like/where to begin.

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Encouragement: The Unexpected Power of Building Others Up (1984/2013) by Larry Crabb and Dan Allender is an excellent book on how to speak into one another's lives. In this book, Crabb calls the reader to move beyond surface conversations to those that are 1) prompted by love and 2) directed toward fear. I suspect that many of us resonate with the first part. At least on some level, we know that what we do must come from a place of love, whatever that means. However, when Crabb talks about encouragement being directed toward fear, that may be confusing for many of us. Essentially, he makes the point that many of us hide behind layers that serve to protect us from exposure and abandonment. I have heard Dr Crabb say in the past "looking bad in the presence of love releases our true self" and I think he gets at that here.



If you want to learn how to have godly, meaningful conversations, may this book be an encouragement to you. I would like to loan my copy to all of my friends, but I will likely want to read my own again first.

[Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book reminded me a great deal of a Larry Crabb book that I had already read (The Marriage Builder), so part of this felt like a rehash for me. I’m not always a big fan of all the diagrams and complicated metaphors that he uses to communicate his points; at the same time, I think Crabb has some good points in this little book about encouragement.

My two big takeaways were (1) the concept of having a mindset of ministry when we interact with other people, and changing the “soundtrack” in our minds from “How can I best get others to serve me” to “How can I serve others in this situation," and (2) the idea of “opening doors” in conversations rather than closing them—i.e., we are sensitive to whether someone may be referencing an underlying need for encouragement in conversation and reply with a question that lets him or her know that we would be interested in hearing more, rather than a reply that shuts him or her down.

Overall, a good reminded to have a mindset of encouragement towards others in the church.