atrophy

by Shilo Niziolek

On the heels of her memoir, FEVER, Niziolek's debut poetry collection, atrophy, continues pulling even further at the same threads: desire, grief, trauma, love, and illness. However, the primary beast that stalks these pages is the body in isolation, the body in decay, the body as animalistic and wounded and deadly in its pursuit of living. atrophy has all the promise of a young poet and all the grit of a grown woman who has repeatedly clawed her way through the dirt.

“Why can’t anyone be upfront about the way bodies betray,” Shilo Niziolek asks in Atrophy, and the question becomes a kind of crystal that falls, catching light and refracting different colors as it does, into the rich forest of these poems. Between Ativan and Ophelia, serpents and spools of red thread, lies the pain that pulses at the heart of this collection: the fraught relationship with the body and its battles with illness, gendered violence, frustrated desire, and untamed hunger. In Niziolek’s hands, these subjects become both intimately personal and achingly relatable. “They try to drown us,” she writes, “but we are tidal, eclipse, revolution.” Like the hawk in the bird bath she speaks of, Niziolek demonstrates that the wildest of things can exist in the most unexpected of places—a reminder that is powerful, important, and stirring. This author is a literary sorceress, one under whose spell you'll want to fall again and again. -Catherine Broadwall, author of Fulgurite

"Shilo Niziolek is a wolf of a writer. She traverses, often with too much familiarity, across the landscape of a beseeched body, leveling her craft directly at the narrow path of discomfort. Poems weave in and out dreams and the real life grounds of horror we find ourselves forced to experience; examination tables, winterted and reckless neighborhoods, and within the internet, face to face with America's rancid desires. Niziolek swerves between body and where body isn't, is and should be, opening the coffers of her own form so that we might find the rose-red spray of a slaughtered buffalo across tainted winter snow. She asks (or rather, howls): What is the distance between a body and an imagined body? What is the dream between the bones? Go on, open the book up and find out."

Kelly Gray, author of Instructions for an Animal Body and Tiger Paw, Tiger Paw, Knife, Knife

Genres: Poetry

90 pages, Paperback

Published September 20, 2023

About the author

Shilo Niziolek is the author of the memoir Fever, the poetry collection atrophy, and the short story collection, Porcelain Ghosts, all through Querencia Press. She has a chapbook of essay, A Thousand Winters In Me, with Gasher Press, and two micro chapbooks of poetry, Dirt Eaters with Bottlecap Press and I Am Not An Erosion: Poems Against Decay with Ghost City Press. Shilo is a writing instructor at Clackamas Community College and facilitates creative writing workshops with the Literary Arts. She received her MFA from New England College and is the co-founder and Editor-In-Chief of the literary magazine Scavengers. She lives in Portland Oregon but hopes to one day move into the woods.

Reviews

[Malin Berg · Rating 4 out of 5]

«I strip my skin a thousand times, string it up like a canvas and place it in the museum for greedy fingers to touch”

atrophy is a stunningly, thought-provoking poetry collection where Shilo Niziolek discusses everything from trauma to illness. I’m a big fan of poetry that doesn’t shy away from the gritty stuff, and this collection certainly delivered that.

I’d recommend this to people who like me, love reading “depressing” poetry. (This collection goes extra hard if read with a sad music playlist in the background). This being said, if you are sensitive to dark topics in poetry, this collection probably isn’t the best fit for you.


Big thanks to Netgalley, Querencia Press, and the author Shilo Niziolek for allowing me to read an e-arc of this poetry collection.

[Kristiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is no secret that after reading Shilo Niziolek’s FEVER I had found a new writer whose voice, style and vulnerability I absolutely adored. The fragmentary nature of FEVER gifted glimpses of Niziolek’s poetry so to finally read a full collection was a joy.

atrophy continues upon FEVER’s themes of grief, the body, chronic illness and desire, but in a way which lingers. Each poem arrives with a purpose, with the opportunity to pause, and captures moments in a life shaped by experience.

Niziolek’s style is confessional and she is a master of transitioning within a single poem from a wider lens to a closer, personal one. In this way, the imagery in atrophy encompasses the natural and man-made world, how we thrive and struggle within it, and how it leaves indelible marks on our skin.

As with FEVER, atrophy is wonderfully open-ended; there is hope and acceptance but this is an acceptance of how pain, fear and memory will pervade and continue to alter us. This is what I mean when I say Niziolek is vulnerably honest, she reminds us all that we are always in states of becoming and unbecoming, that sometimes we are atrophied by our own selves.

[Emily Perkovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot imagine ever not loving something Shilo writes. Everything feels raw but in the way that nostalgia can make you feel raw. Like a controlled burn rather than a chaos overcoming you.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting outlook and conversation on the beauty of our bodies and how as vessels, they betray us...
A memorable collection and any reader could relate to a piece or more within.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.

[Tessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars ⭐

I wasn't sure about this at first. The language didn't flow for me when I opened it the first time. It felt almost like looking into the disjointed amalgam of someone's subconscious. But as I kept reading, I realized, that's really what it was.

Apathy, trauma, the terror of stillness; Atrophy surely doesn't shy away from the messy parts of being human. I found plenty of passages, especially later that had me nodding, finally, in understanding. Get yourself about 15% in and you will too.

My thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for gifting me this arc in exchange for my honest review.

[Jasper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Querencia Press for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

When the waters rage and the
rain pours for days on end,
will we finally learn how to cry?

For the first few poems I wasn't entirely convinced by atrophy. I struggled with the contrast of poetic language and the modern, the mundane. The inconsistency between lyricism and colloquialism. But the more I kept reading, the more this book had me hooked. Had me gripped by the spine and pulled me with it down the current of emotion, anguish and breathtaking writing that atrophy is.

The further along I got in the book, the more poems I found that had me needing to take a few breaths, a few moments to process; in a good way.
I still occasionally felt frustrated with, what to me felt like, breaks and gaps in theme and immersion. And while there was annoyance with heavy repetition of events or stylistic devices, some eventually developed into a rich symbolism that was present throughout the book.

But aren't we already what is wild and alive,
Toes pressing mud and feeling the bite
Of winter still swallowing the mountains,
Making us rope our arms around our chests

So many of these poems hit me hard, both in how beautifully they were written, and also how familiar they felt. Familiar in ways that made me recognise myself in the pages, that made me feel like Niziolek took a peek into the box stowed away somewhere in my mind, in which I keep my collection of things that fuck me up emotionally.

I strip my skin a thousand times, string it up like a canvas and place it in the museum for greedy fingers to touch.

I cherish the imprints reading this book has left on me and I will 100% return to it again in the future.

4.5⭐

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Atrophy by Shilo Niziolek was not what I expect. This collected of poems speaks to chronic illness survivors, woman, and really just anyone who feels like they don’t fit in.

“No one yearns for the sick girl, And if they do, they are only yearning for the Remembered version…,” (Unraveled Me, 64%).

Niziolek speaks a lot to her past in this collection. She references that she’s 31, yet we still see her reminiscing on her childhood and early adulthood, before the chronic illness took hold.

“chronic illness the slowest dying there ever was,” (Ode to Lost Things, 94%).

The theme of nature and wanting to just become lost there is common as well. There are also many fantastic comparisons made between nature and the human body. The poetry is a mix of forms, some of them being normal length while others take on more of a stream of consciousness paragraph format.

At first it did take me a little bit to get used to Niziolek’s formatting and verbiage, but after the first few poems I was finding myself curious about what format and language she would use.

This is a well put together collection with strong themes of surviving chronic illness, fear, trauma, love, and nature.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Sonja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very compelling poetry. Trigger warning ‼️ in only a few poems in the middle (sexual violence) A very good book that explores much about the body in a very different way. I love her cadences, her rhythm and words.

“Watched the lilacs grow, nearing bloom.

Watched multiple shows and movies that I’ve already seen.

Stopped crying.

Made a playlist filled with moon songs. Titled it Moon Tunes.

Bled for a week.

Climbed the walls.

Watched the grass grow.

Placed my toes in the grass.

Felt sorry for the people with kids during the pandemic.

Wished I had kids.

Realized I hate the fucking city.”

[Rebecca]

A beautiful collection of poems that offer a journey through the process of grief, denial, acceptance, and the courage to overcome illness.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw. Honest. A truly stunning collection of poetry that hit me in the chest and made me feel noticed in the sea of my own trauma.

Niziolek is a poet that does not hold back and for that I am grateful.

[autumn ☆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

[4.5]
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. Many thanks to the author and BookSirens.

Wow. As a reader of more classic books, it was great to read a poetry collection which had its roots so firmly into the craziness of modern living, particularly the pandemic lockdowns. As well as this, the poet’s own life is entangled in every poem, which honestly made it difficult to “rate” … it felt like i was sifting through somebody’s traumas and pains. I particularly appreciated how deeply the poet would compare her body to nature, as well as the familiar intrigue yet hatred of your body’s chronic pain (something I also know well).
What I loved about this collection was the simple domesticity of, for example, folding laundry, whilst simultaneously feeling these large cavernous dark feelings inside, as if the poem is a secret told in her head.
Some of my favourite poems included “a Wolf at the Door”, “Ode to my Legs” and “Ode to Lost Things”.

[Chelsea (2_girls_bookin_it) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like heavy poetry, but I was not expecting to connect with poetry that felt this heavy. Much of this poetry was written during or about living during the pandemic. atrophy gives us a good look into what it was like to live during the pandemic as someone who is immunocompromised. This book of poetry also heavily discusses sexual trauma. So while this a book of poetry that really evokes tons of feelings, please check the trigger warnings before beginning it.

My biggest takeaway from works of poetry like this is I wish I was able to be this vulnerable. While I share emotions like this with a few loved ones, I could not imagine putting these emotions out there where anyone could see them.

[Air · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley!

A poetry collection filled with the down and dirty parts of being alive in this world. While considered depressing, it’s also a way to see others have gone through this life very eerily similar. I think this reflects the places the author has been and that sharing them with the world is important!

[Catherine Kyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Why can’t anyone be upfront about the way bodies betray,” Shilo Niziolek asks in Atrophy, and the question becomes a kind of crystal that falls, catching light and refracting different colors as it does, into the rich forest of these poems. Between Ativan and Ophelia, serpents and spools of red thread, lies the pain that pulses at the heart of this collection: the fraught relationship with the body and its battles with illness, gendered violence, frustrated desire, and untamed hunger. In Niziolek’s hands, these subjects become both intimately personal and achingly relatable. “They try to drown us,” she writes, “but we are tidal, eclipse, revolution.” Like the hawk in the bird bath she speaks of, Niziolek demonstrates that the wildest of things can exist in the most unexpected of places—a reminder that is powerful, important, and stirring. This author is a literary sorceress, one under whose spell you'll want to fall again and again.

[Jillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some of the best poetry I read in 2023, if not ever. Shilo writes beautifully and candidly about living with chronic illness: the monotony of it, how it ends up shaping so much of her world... Also, Shilo is just endlessly skilled with words. Like, how can she make me laugh, hurt, and sigh in just one poem? Also, I do know Shilo a little from the Internet, and she is lovely. Which has no real bearing on my ranking, but isn't it pleasant to know a poet this good is also a nice person?

[Paula Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't normally get emotional in books, it has to be a very powerful book to bring me near to tears. Atrophy, I had no idea what I was in for as I opened the cover. The book was written in verse format which reminded me of Ellen Hopkins's writings. The author also touched on an edgy topic. In Atrophy, we meet our main female character who is 31 and suffering from cervical cancer and has lived with this chronic illness for a while now. The book also talks about Covid times with the vaccinations, the mask-wearing, and then the repercussions of the vaccination with the main character getting a blood clot in her leg. The book was written beautifully and in parts was very metaphorical with the imagery and language of what the main character was experiencing and going through. I felt this book hit the spot with me on an emotional level as currently my sister who is 15 months younger than me is going through Cancer at the moment and so this book hit a bit harder than it might have had at a different time in my life. I also loved this cover and have a cover crush. To conclude the definition of Atrophy is to waste away or to progressively decline. If you are a crier in books, then I would recommend that you have a box of tissues handy while you read and turn the pages of Atrophy.

[Sassy Sarah Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 stars

I was very impressed by atrophy. It was an intense collection of poems that covered a wide variety of traumatic topics. I would say that you should only pick up this poetry collection if you are in the right headspace. A lot of the poems tackle or mention SA and traumatic miscarriage that leads to not being able to have children. I've never read a poetry collection that tackles this second topic before, but it moved me greatly. This is a collection that I am glad to have read and come across.

Thank you, Netalley and the publisher, for providing me with a copy of this poetry collection in exchange for an honest review.

[Amy (amysbooked) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm quite honestly not sure how to review this. In short, read it. In fact, everyone should read it. Throughout the book I found myself both not relating to things at all and feeling like Shilo had ripped my thoughts out of my heart and my head and then made me read them. Shilo writes about trauma and illness, the consequences of other's actions on our bodies and our minds. The things we can't control, the people we can no longer be. I'll be thinking about these poems for a very long time.

[Lisa Gisèle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book via Netgalley. Opinions expressed in this review are my own opinions.

Proof that pain can be beautiful. Although I am not living in Shilo's reality, many of the poems bring back emotions and memories of being diagnosed with MS. The way she turns such hard dark times into these poems that have the ability to connect to others around the world is beautiful. Quite frankly, I just drank a lot.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

[Seher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the chance to read and review this book.

While I strongly relate to some of the things the poet talks about in this collection, the body that slowly but surely starts to fail on you, the collection wasn't for me. I had to force myself to read it and get through it.