✰ 3 stars ✰
“Maybe complicated and confusing feelings aren’t what make me—or anyone else—different, weird, wrong, or bad. They’re what make us belong.”
How exhausting it must be to be always so smiley and chirpy and constantly optimistic and happy, without any preamble of ever feeling down or gloomy or reserving the right to be upset. Ugh, I shudder at the thought. But, it's not like I don't want to be happy - I just don't want to give up my other feelings and emotions, too. 😔 The ability to have a choice to dislike or be upset by something is to give air and room to breathe. And for Serenity, a cultish type of secluded colony that prides itself on always promising kittens and rainbows lifestyle - 'a little utopia, our little corner of peace in the ever-chaotic world' - it's only when an outside element arrive that threatens their idyllic society's way of living, is it inevitable that everyone's True Colors will finally come out. 💥
Abby Cooper's middle grade debut touches upon how there has to be a balance of conveying our emotions - in the literal sense. For twelve-year-old Mackenzie, who's always been the only one to emit her feelings through a swirl of colorful haze around her, it's a cruel awakening for her when all the rampant emotions that she's kept stored inside erupts in a burst of colors that not only reflects her own, but brings out the true nature of what everyone is feeling, as well. 'We don’t need anything different, but if I’m honest, something different sounds exciting, too.' It's definitely an alien notion when you're suddenly voicing all these harsh thoughts or feeling these negative emotions - not ever realizing that you'd always had those emotions within you. The sad truth is that there are some people in this world who don't have the ability to express emotions in various ways, but to have that image forced upon you - without any semblance of free will to feel what you're truly feeling - that's a right that shouldn't be taken away from anyone. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
“Feelings. All kinds of feelings.
Feelings … like mine.
For the first time since the explosion, it actually sinks in. People have all kinds of feelings, just like me.”
Mackenzie was a very honest and expressive young girl; it was interesting to see the world burst into colors before her eyes, and I liked how the author captured her uncertainty and confusion over whether or not it was okay to allow these negative and dark thoughts to enter her heart and mind, especially when it's something so severely and strictly frowned upon. Ha, frowned upon! As if anyone in Serenity even knew how to make a frown. 😟 'I don’t want to be two Mackenzies. I just want to be me. But who even is that?' Despite how much opposition she and outside forces who bring about change that challenges the system of peace they've worked so hard to maintain, it felt so natural to see she and her friends shed that weight of repressed emotion and embrace their true selves - to be content in being sad or upset or hurt or disappointed - "where it's okay not to be okay'. What a revelation!
The reaction of her friends and the other members of the community was very real and believable. I could feel their panic - their shock - their intense fear of not understanding what was happening to them. The hard rejection of an unwanted presence invading their heart and soul. The sudden shock, like a mask that you're desperately trying to claw off your body, not understanding - not even willing to perceive the concept that these feelings are innate - that they have always been within you - just lying dormant, because you had to keep them repressed. 😢 Completely suppressed - until like a burst of colors they shined through. It gave me such a newfound appreciation for my ability to feel - to reason - to hurt and to smile - that I have a choice and say in the matter. Something as simple as simply feeling - it's an alarming thought to think even something like that could be cut off that you feel emotionless - or is it simply that being happy is the lesser evil than facing the darkness of your heart? 🖤
“And the fact is, when it comes to tricky feelings, no matter how bad you may want to avoid them, you can’t go over them. You can’t go under them. You can’t go around them.
To actually feel better, the only real way is through.”
I admit that it did become a bit confusing at times to keep track of all the various colors Mackenzie had assigned to her feelings; it got a bit wordy and took up the majority of the story that could have been explained better for other parts. I liked the interactive way in which readers were presented with others' feelings and thoughts, and the message boards that showed the common person's reactions to each incident that was inching closer to an eventual fallout. 😔 'I force a smile so big that there’s simply no room for a lump in my throat, or for the bad feelings that come with it. Because it is no big deal, and I am very okay.' It gave this cryptic yet eeriness of impending doom, one that could not be ignored, much like the warnings Mackenzie silently received. I do understand why the founders chose to build their community the way that they did; but, it's not fair to the children of the world who don't have the ability to choose on their own, especially when they are still feeling the hurt and pain that 'normal' people are still facing. 🫂
The feelings of life - of loneliness, and bullying, and identity crisis, as well as living up to parents' expectations - these are sentiments that can't be smothered down. That it's not fair to not openly express what you truly feel; how can you stomach cruel sentiments with a smile on your face? How can you bear the pain of a broken heart and still be bright and chipper the next morning? It's a sad and emotionless thought, and to see it through Mackenzie's eyes and the thoughts of the community who are suddenly awoken to their real emotions - that is the basis of what it means by wearing your heart on your sleeve. 💗 'The bakery is louder than it’s been in a long time, but all I can hear is the silence of everything we haven’t said.' That it is never wrong not to be expressive and emotional and go off on a tangent or a tirade or even love strongly and loudly. It is a gift to feel and we should never have to tamper it down or be judged harshly for it. There is a balance to everything and even when the motto is 'I will maintain an air of gratitude and look for the silver lining even on the cloudiest day', there's no shame in taking a breather and simply allowing yourself a moment and feel. 🥺
And yes, if your first initial thought upon reading the title was Cyndi Lauper's 80s classic, True Colors, then yes, this definitely lives up to the lyrics that this surely reminds us that you can still shine like a rainbow, even on the cloudiest day - that the two can coexist and it will be okay. 🌈
“Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow”
*Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.