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Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe
Fear!!! Scary, right? But what if the only thing we shouldn't fear is fear itself?
In this era of economic turmoil, climate catastrophe, and cliques of cool teens just waiting to make fun of your shoes, we live in a heightened state of fear. We're afraid of the world and afraid of each other—but not nearly as afraid as we should be! And this absurdly hilarious survival guide demonstrates that being afraid of literally everything is the only guaranteed way to stay safe. Packed with lifesaving/fear-fanning illustrations, sidebars, jump scares, chilling one-liners, and more, these pages will keep readers safe from the scourges of love, technology, birds, education, jackalopes, their own bodies, their homes, and the world outside their own bodies and homes. Includes a bonus foldout Fear Map lurking in the inside back cover.
A BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It's just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to dead-end your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategy is to be afraid of everything at all times.
SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY THE BOOK ITSELF IS A With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book's inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love.
Perfect
In this era of economic turmoil, climate catastrophe, and cliques of cool teens just waiting to make fun of your shoes, we live in a heightened state of fear. We're afraid of the world and afraid of each other—but not nearly as afraid as we should be! And this absurdly hilarious survival guide demonstrates that being afraid of literally everything is the only guaranteed way to stay safe. Packed with lifesaving/fear-fanning illustrations, sidebars, jump scares, chilling one-liners, and more, these pages will keep readers safe from the scourges of love, technology, birds, education, jackalopes, their own bodies, their homes, and the world outside their own bodies and homes. Includes a bonus foldout Fear Map lurking in the inside back cover.
A BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It's just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to dead-end your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategy is to be afraid of everything at all times.
SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY THE BOOK ITSELF IS A With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book's inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love.
Perfect
- GenresHumorNonfictionSelf Help
177 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 16, 2024
8 people are currently reading
3905 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
May 28, 2024
My thanks to NetGalley and Chronicle Books for an eARC of this book to read and review.
This is supposed to be a funny book. I did not find it to be so. It was trying too hard. Tasteless and tone-deaf, yes. Funny, no.
But everyone has a different sense of humor, so please do not take what I say too seriously. It might be your cup of tea. It just wasn't mine at all.
I DNF'd at page 18, as I could tell that far into this book the humor wasn't for me. I didn't hate it, it was just a poor fit for me.
1, not all jokes land well, star.
This is supposed to be a funny book. I did not find it to be so. It was trying too hard. Tasteless and tone-deaf, yes. Funny, no.
But everyone has a different sense of humor, so please do not take what I say too seriously. It might be your cup of tea. It just wasn't mine at all.
I DNF'd at page 18, as I could tell that far into this book the humor wasn't for me. I didn't hate it, it was just a poor fit for me.
1, not all jokes land well, star.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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November 6, 2023This is meant to be a funny book, and it tries really hard, but I don't think I even cracked a smile once. I consider my sense of humor pretty goofy, but this just wasn't funny.. And I thought, maybe it's for younger people, but the language made me think that wasn't true either.
Not everyone is the same, and other people might enjoy this. It covers pretty much every modern topic and it's very light-hearted.
Thanks go NetGalley for allowing me to read this.
Not everyone is the same, and other people might enjoy this. It covers pretty much every modern topic and it's very light-hearted.
Thanks go NetGalley for allowing me to read this.
November 2, 2023
I expected this to be funny but it definitely ends up trying too hard to be humorous with barely any breaks throughout. I was hoping to learn something but it really seemed like all the book wanted to do was try to make me laugh.
June 2, 2024
***Not intended for young readers: Language, suggestive content, graphic violent scenarios & vulgarity***
A random book that supposedly appeared on my sister's library card although technically since I started reading this book it seems like the type that would tickle my brother-in-law's interest.
Life Wants You Dead is nothing what the title would imply in my own logical mind but an attempt at a humor book that targets crass potty humor. The jokes are spoofs on popular culture, reinterpretations of how we translate various concepts or terms, sexual-oriented and of course the normal potty humor that I cannot stand with some violence thrown in for good measure thus bringing up the human caterpillar and a few other modern monsters like Leatherface for a good rounded mix of subjects. Unfortunately this combination just makes me want to shelf the book while looking for a hopefully much more better read than what can be found within the pages, especially as the book also leans towards some woke subjects.
The book has brightly done and simplistic illustrations with a few realistic photos for interviews or fake ads. Unfortunately the non-photos are basically on how to tackle some perceived issue while providing in many regards the same content as the book although in many regards enjoying the fact of either taking one's skin off or flaying it from oneself.
In the end like so many of my humor-flop books this just isn't intelligent enough for me and was rather just a waste of time.
A random book that supposedly appeared on my sister's library card although technically since I started reading this book it seems like the type that would tickle my brother-in-law's interest.
Life Wants You Dead is nothing what the title would imply in my own logical mind but an attempt at a humor book that targets crass potty humor. The jokes are spoofs on popular culture, reinterpretations of how we translate various concepts or terms, sexual-oriented and of course the normal potty humor that I cannot stand with some violence thrown in for good measure thus bringing up the human caterpillar and a few other modern monsters like Leatherface for a good rounded mix of subjects. Unfortunately this combination just makes me want to shelf the book while looking for a hopefully much more better read than what can be found within the pages, especially as the book also leans towards some woke subjects.
The book has brightly done and simplistic illustrations with a few realistic photos for interviews or fake ads. Unfortunately the non-photos are basically on how to tackle some perceived issue while providing in many regards the same content as the book although in many regards enjoying the fact of either taking one's skin off or flaying it from oneself.
In the end like so many of my humor-flop books this just isn't intelligent enough for me and was rather just a waste of time.
February 7, 2025
I’m not sure how this ended up on my list of books to read (I think I had googled “funny books” in a desperate attempt to feel something other than crushing doom after reading one too many depressing books in a row) but this was not funny at all and I only finished it out of spite so I could give it a 1 star review.
July 19, 2024
In full transparency, I didn't finish this book. I could tell within the first few pages that it was going to lack substance and by page 25 that I was not going to laugh even once throughout this "comedy." Some people may find it hilarious, but it comes across to me as a 10-year-old's humor in the body of a 16-year-old try-hard. The unoriginal jokes do not land and have poor literary timing, so even if they weren't out-of-touch and cringe, they'd still fall flat. As someone who has written humorist pieces and loves to read about death, this book did nothing for me from either angle.
February 1, 2024
My thanks to both NetGalley and the publisher Chronicle Books for an advance copy of this book that looks at the many things in the world that are plotting to kill us, the steps we can take to mitigate that risk, and why we should all just give up and embrace the inevitable.
The great thing about living in the modern age is that you don't have to be paranoid to acknowledge the fact that just about everything is trying to end our lives. The body one knows so well after years of eating the same thing, decides, nope we are no allergic to that, and shuts down the whole body. In need of urgent medical care your ambulance is hit by a Tesla whose self-driving mode shows clear roads and only children in the crosswalk, so floors it. By the time one arrives in the hospital a remote office worker for your insurance company earns himself a dollar bonus by refusing to pay for any life-saving care for you. None of these are enemies or conspiracy plotters, this is just the world we have created. Life Wants You Dead:A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe written by Evan Waite and illustrated by Paula Searing is a guide to life's threats and what one can do to face them, and deal with them, hopefully before they get you.
The book is broken into chapters. The body, the medical profession, the educational system, and other things. There is a handy chart at the end to show fears that one has not thought of, which helps one acknowledge that the world is a bad place. Also a helpful collection of telephone numbers is offered, from 911, poison control, and other helpful places. There are helpful chapters, how to make one distasteful to cannibals, and how to avoid gadgets, and macaroni necklaces that might kill one prematurely.
The writer Evan Waite is a seasoned writer for numerous television shows, and magazine, who currently is a co-executive producer for The Family Guy cartoon. This makes sense as a lot of this reads as bits from Seth McFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West. Some of the chapters are really very funny, some just don't hit as well. Comedy is subjective so what makes me laugh is not what others will find funny. I'm not sure who the audience would be here. I can see this as a good gift for that paranoid Newsmax watching Uncle, who thinks that Pizzagate is coming for him. A nice easy read for those who are sure it's the end of the world and they are fine with it.
The great thing about living in the modern age is that you don't have to be paranoid to acknowledge the fact that just about everything is trying to end our lives. The body one knows so well after years of eating the same thing, decides, nope we are no allergic to that, and shuts down the whole body. In need of urgent medical care your ambulance is hit by a Tesla whose self-driving mode shows clear roads and only children in the crosswalk, so floors it. By the time one arrives in the hospital a remote office worker for your insurance company earns himself a dollar bonus by refusing to pay for any life-saving care for you. None of these are enemies or conspiracy plotters, this is just the world we have created. Life Wants You Dead:A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe written by Evan Waite and illustrated by Paula Searing is a guide to life's threats and what one can do to face them, and deal with them, hopefully before they get you.
The book is broken into chapters. The body, the medical profession, the educational system, and other things. There is a handy chart at the end to show fears that one has not thought of, which helps one acknowledge that the world is a bad place. Also a helpful collection of telephone numbers is offered, from 911, poison control, and other helpful places. There are helpful chapters, how to make one distasteful to cannibals, and how to avoid gadgets, and macaroni necklaces that might kill one prematurely.
The writer Evan Waite is a seasoned writer for numerous television shows, and magazine, who currently is a co-executive producer for The Family Guy cartoon. This makes sense as a lot of this reads as bits from Seth McFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West. Some of the chapters are really very funny, some just don't hit as well. Comedy is subjective so what makes me laugh is not what others will find funny. I'm not sure who the audience would be here. I can see this as a good gift for that paranoid Newsmax watching Uncle, who thinks that Pizzagate is coming for him. A nice easy read for those who are sure it's the end of the world and they are fine with it.
April 2, 2024
I received a copy of this book for free in a Goodreads giveaway.
The book is short and easily digestible, but the humor just didn't work for me. When I saw the title and blurb, I thought this would be a humorous presentation of various dangers in life, but the actual content is a lot of made-up stuff that felt completely random, in a way that I didn't really find that funny. It felt like a bunch of sketch ideas for a variety show that are somewhat organized by topic, but because each sketch only lasts for a couple of pages, it felt like it was just jumping all over the place, going from topic to topic without really expanding on any of the dozens of ideas thrown at the reader on any given page. The illustrations are humorous and well-done, but sometimes the lack of contrast between the text and the background made it hard to read the text in these drawings, which is perhaps only a problem in this grayscale printing. The book often felt like it was trying too hard to be really goofy and off the wall, and it felt forced in a lot of places. On the plus side, it is quite short, and the author can write clearly and coherently; the sense of humor just didn't hit with me.
The book is short and easily digestible, but the humor just didn't work for me. When I saw the title and blurb, I thought this would be a humorous presentation of various dangers in life, but the actual content is a lot of made-up stuff that felt completely random, in a way that I didn't really find that funny. It felt like a bunch of sketch ideas for a variety show that are somewhat organized by topic, but because each sketch only lasts for a couple of pages, it felt like it was just jumping all over the place, going from topic to topic without really expanding on any of the dozens of ideas thrown at the reader on any given page. The illustrations are humorous and well-done, but sometimes the lack of contrast between the text and the background made it hard to read the text in these drawings, which is perhaps only a problem in this grayscale printing. The book often felt like it was trying too hard to be really goofy and off the wall, and it felt forced in a lot of places. On the plus side, it is quite short, and the author can write clearly and coherently; the sense of humor just didn't hit with me.
April 12, 2024
This book was hilarious! Life Wants You Dead gave me the giggles.
I definitely enjoy satire and dark humor. I would keep a book like this on hand for laughing purposes. The imagery, the Dirk slander and the end of chapter quizzes had me cracking up.
This book lightened my load after a long and stressful work week. Take some time and read this book. You won't regret it.
I have to purchase a physical copy of this to keep on my coffee table.
Don't take life too seriously.
I volunteered to read an ARC of this book through NetGalley.
I definitely enjoy satire and dark humor. I would keep a book like this on hand for laughing purposes. The imagery, the Dirk slander and the end of chapter quizzes had me cracking up.
This book lightened my load after a long and stressful work week. Take some time and read this book. You won't regret it.
I have to purchase a physical copy of this to keep on my coffee table.
Don't take life too seriously.
I volunteered to read an ARC of this book through NetGalley.
April 14, 2024
There is an unmistakable but often overlooked fact of life, Life Wants You Dead. It may be sooner or later but eventually life will get its “death” wish. In this book, the author offers the many ways death is around every corner just waiting to come for you. The result is a hilarious laugh-out-loud comedic tale. 5 stars and a favorite!
Thanks to Chronicle Books and NetGalley for a digital review copy of the book.
Thanks to Chronicle Books and NetGalley for a digital review copy of the book.
July 10, 2024
I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway. I wanted to love this book as the title was so intriguing to me. Instead, I felt like I was reading the thoughts of a junior high student that was bored during math class. Maybe I just don't have "the right" sense of humor for this book's intended audience. I hope that others will get some true enjoyment from it.
August 12, 2024
This book tries very hard to be funny, but the situations covered are so far removed from reality that it just falls flat. This books would have been loads better if it presented comedic responses to actual problems rather than imaginary ones.
November 6, 2023
This book was just damned enjoyable. Nothing serious about it, nothing super impactful, just good fun.
March 2, 2024
This book wanted to be funny but really just wasn't.
March 16, 2024
very funny and makes you think about life
April 19, 2024
3.5 star is rounded up to four
Parts of this book were really funny other parts I found honestly stupid overall I enjoyed it. I thought it was really creative. I haven’t read anything like it before.
Parts of this book were really funny other parts I found honestly stupid overall I enjoyed it. I thought it was really creative. I haven’t read anything like it before.
April 23, 2024
Supposed to be humorous, but it just made me cringe and grimace.
May 17, 2024
Thank you to the publisher for the ARC.
It was okay for a quick read. Parts were funny, but this was nothing special.
It was okay for a quick read. Parts were funny, but this was nothing special.
June 14, 2024
Didn't find my funny bone, much less tickle it. I must be getting old or just jaded. The jokes didn't do it for me. At my age maybe I'm more dead than alive.
April 6, 2025
I was kind of expecting something else. I laughed at the start with the crossing guard and thumbs-up for the beagle. But the humor didn’t click with me.
July 14, 2025
Fun author!!!
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews