The Expectation Gap: The Tiny, Vast Space between Our Beliefs and Experience of God

by Steve Cuss

Learn how to quiet your inner critic, confront chronic anxiety, and relax into God's perfect presence.

Do you truly experience the promises Jesus gave to those who follow him—the benefits of peace, freedom, and love? The fact is that many of us struggle with a gap between what we believe about God and how we encounter him in our everyday lives. We don't want our faith to be merely conceptual—we want to experience it viscerally—and yet we often come up against one or more of these major gaps:  

I believe God loves me, but I don't feel it.I believe God is with me, but I don't see him.I thought I'd be further along in my spiritual progress by now. 

In The Expectation Gap, Steve Cuss—pastor and founder of the leadership organization Capable Life—offers tangible tools for engaging with God in a deeper, more soul-satisfying way. You'll unveil harmful expectations and patterns that keep you spiritually stuck so that you can replace them with habits and practices that will lead to a more vibrant faith life.

"This is the most helpful book I've read in my thirty-five years of ministry when it comes to recognizing, naming, and bridging the gap between what we believe about God and what we experience from God." —Christine Caine, founder of A21 and Propel Women

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Christian Living, Audiobook, Self Help, Psychology

171 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 28, 2024

Reviews

[Renee Davis Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book that seeks to help us line up what we believe about God with our lived experience of God. Very practical. I started it on audiobook but switched to kindle so I could underline and process it more. Nearly everything he talks about here is further processed on his podcast Being Human, I found it an excellent supplement to things I wanted to think more about.

[Julia LaRue · Rating 3 out of 5]

would definitely recommend to anyone who is struggling with their personal relationship with God / questioning why their walk doesn’t look like the person next to them. the introduction had me PUMPED, but found the rest of the book to share similar teachings to the many other formational books I have read.

quotes!
pg 63: “What does it say about me that I believe in God’s unconditional love until I don’t perform properly, at which point I see disappointment and anger?”
pg 66: “Our inner critic condemns; the Holy Spirit convicts.”
pg 84: “This habit of seeking false needs and depending on ourselves is self-righteousness… the fundamental reason we struggle to notice God.”
pg 107: “Maybe God is less concerned with our improvement and more concerned with our worship.”

[Darrin Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an unexpected treasure, searching, painful, uncomfortable, and extremely helpful. While I may not agree with every conclusion or statement by the author, this book will be one of the best of have read this year, and possibly of the last few years. I will be meditating and praying through the content of this book for some time, and will be recommending it to others.

[Anita Yoder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful, simple words about serving and loving as a human-sized person. Hearing the author read his own words was a bonus, as well as the downloadable Life-giving list. Cuss,a former hospital chaplain, breaks down what our expectations really say about us, and how to live deeply loved by God. He is clearly taking pages out of Nouwen's ideas.

[Andrea Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Your new life will cost you your old one.”

[Aeromama · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining: 5/10 I like the Aussie's humor and the author reads it himself.
Transformational: 8/10

What I loved:
* Start closing the gap between where we think we "should be" in Christ and where we perceive ourselves to be. Spoiler: it's not by trying harder.
* Addresses reactivity
* Close look at our common assumptions and perceptions about God and why the bias exists
* Perspective book, not a how-to
* But also imminently practical inasmuch as a renewed mind is practical
* A different (but Biblical) angle on humility and self
* Memorable one liners
* The Life Giving List: some gifts are meant to land on us, not pass through us to others.
* "Relax into the presence of God."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for everyone! In our highly anxious, highly reactive culture, the truth and practices in this book are a healing balm to my heart, soul, and mind and I know can be for others. This books assists us in taking our focus off of ourselves and instead rightly orienting ourselves in our Heavenly Father who seeks to lavish us with love and grace and not fear and condemnation. Yes, you need to read this book.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this slowly over the course of a couple of months with two friends. For such a small book, there’s SO much great content and discussing with friends was really helpful. There are discussion questions included. Highly recommend.

[Kayti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook. So rich. I will definitely revisit this one.

[Julia King · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steve Cuss excellently breaks down a big source of our Expectation Gap between what we believe about God and how we experience God: where we really belong in the picture. Cuss gently addresses how bent and broken pieces of a person through experience, trauma, poor teaching, or just the human condition, can inhibit us from knowing our true selves, a true view AND experience of God. He provides tangible ways to explore relationship with self and space for reflection in order to better understand the self God has made you to be, so you can experience God more authentically and close the Gap.

This books includes reflection activities throughout each chapter and questions at the end of each chapter. It is well-designed for group discussion and engaging the learning and growing process with others!

[Danita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compassionate and practical. When I read the tagline on the back cover, I knew this book was for me: "Learn how to quiet your inner critic, confront chronic anxiety, and relax into God's presence." This will be a contemplative 2025 re-read for me!

Delightfully, the author's self-deprecating Aussie wit comes through his writing (and his podcasting).

[Rod Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read a lot of books, and a lot of books about spiritual formation. This book stopped me in my tracks multiple times and made me say wow, or jot down phrases and concepts. I’m usually ready to move onto the next book, but I want to read this one again soon, and I really wanna read it with some other people and talk about it all the way through.

[Amy Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Either Steve Cuss has been spying on me, or the wrestling I do with my own humanity is more of a universal experience than I realize until someone comes along and puts words to it. First read through was just to take note of the landscape I was journeying into - but this is a book I’m already planning to read again with paper and pen in hand.

[Tammy Lashway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. I can't recommend it enough. Steve does a great job connecting systems theory and growth principles with spiritual principles. Everyone would benefit from this book. Honest, authentic, and hopeful.

[Ashley Chesnut · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cuss operates from a systems theory perspective, and he views the reason for the gap between our beliefs about God and our experience of God from this lens. There’s several helpful reflection questions and exercises in this short book. It’s a short but meaty read.

[lauren ♡ (literallyilliterate) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gentle. Tangible. Makes so much sense.

This book has helped me see a way forward to healing and restoration. Mental healing, emotional healing, and spiritual healing.

Quite honestly transformative and led me to praise the Lord many times.

[Vanessa Hairston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical and down to earth

I know a book is good if the contents help with inspiration outside it's pages. Would recommend to my peers if you're looking to help break down Assumptions we can easily make as followers of Christ.

[Tyler Greenwood · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not at all what I was expecting…but still pretty good. Definitely some positives to take away.

[Natalie Kleiber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audio. Excellent!

[Angela Hermanson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a lot of work, in the best possible way. It forced me to slow down and reconsider long-held beliefs about myself and God. It is the perfect balance of philosophical and practical. I will need to read this again and again to soak in the truths about who God is and who I am in him.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Managing Leadership Anxiety is one of my favorite ministry books so I was excited to read this one. I’m torn on how to rate it. For me, perhaps because I was listening to this book, it was not always clear how the ideas and tools presented related to the three gaps. They were great tools from systems theory which I appreciated and found helpful, but at times I found myself asking what the connection was to each of the stated gaps. Again, this could be my own attention issues. But I did LOVE the teaching on the third gap. What the author wrote about how we read the Bible stories in a way that shapes our idea of our progress was fresh, convicting and encouraging. I will definitely read it again and try to track better between the tools and the gaps.

[James Hallmark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I frequently complain about subtitles. I like this one. The subtitle is accurate and clever. I like the oxymoron. The gap is tiny, but also vast. I heard Cuss on a podcast and bought the book. Unfortunately, the podcast focused on the part of the book I found most interesting and much of the book was less interesting to me. Too much “self-help” be a better person kind of stuff in here (I do not disagree with any of it; just not my interest.) How do you see yourself? Do you value yourself? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Etc. The part I found outstanding—and I do mean, “outstanding”—was the middle section of the book where he talks about conceptions of God that do not work well for mental health, and that how we read scripture may make us feel like a loser. Easy example: Peter steps out of the boat on faith and so we hear sermons our entire life “BE A PETER.” Well, maybe God isn’t calling us to be a Peter, but instead is calling us to be one of those other guys on the boat who stayed in the boat. God did amazing things through them, too. It wasn’t just Peter. Or the story of Mary and Martha. We hear, “Don’t be a Martha!” Hey, someone has to cook and clean. The book is written “workbook” style, with lots of places for you to answer questions about yourself. In sum, I am glad I read it but the middle section was the best.

[Timothy Grubbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to handle imposter syndrome if you are religious…

The Expectation Gap: The Tiny, Vast Space Between Our Beliefs and Experience of God by Steve Cuss is part self help book and part workbook…to try and better get to know yourself and your place in God’s plan…

Peppered with scripture and psychological scenarios, this book breaks down elements similar to imposter syndrome (an all too common feeling nowadays) with each chapter also offering questions and personal reflection to address the mental and spiritual needs inside of you…

As I went through, I was intrigued that this book could easily be directed towards other faiths (not just Christianity) with its universal language of mental and spiritual health. Obviously, the company and author wouldn’t release versions for other faiths, but it wouldn’t take much for a non Christian to read this and simply adapt some of the passages from their own holy texts or excuse the biblical passages entirely. I know that may be a controversial opinion, but if it helps people in their personal and spiritual life, then would y that be the right thing to do?

Highly recommend…

[Glen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource for the reader who desires to intentionally address the inner spiritual dynamics that form our perspectives on God, faith and the disciple's way of life. Cuss offers practical steps and excellent questions in each chapter making the work accessible.

What I found most helpful are: 1) the exegetical takes that are found in chapter 7 - calling us away from heroism in our spiritual pursuits. 2) the author's understanding of "dying to self" is refreshingly simple. By focusing on what he calls "The Big 5" (control, perfectionism, knowing the answer, being there for people and approval), Cuss provides a matrix whereby we can discover the particular ways that our personalities attempt to take on 'God-size' responsibilities instead of the Pauline call for dying to self-assertion.

This book carries the feel of an exploratory trip of applying biblical truth to daily life. The humor is disarming, the application steps are imminently doable and the basic argument for a different viewpoint on spirituality is compelling.

[Sarah Basler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. Steve unpacks the most common gaps that we have in our relationship with God, and is honest about his own experience with them. He gives practical steps and reflection questions for working through our own experiences and doubts. I think one of my favorite parts was when he explains the “Top 5 False Needs” and how they prevent us from being human-sized. He shares: “When human-sized humans partner with a God-sized God, we can enter into those broken and evil places with a deeper capacity to do the difficult work because we are actively joining Gods work, not striving to do it on our own”(page 85). I can’t recommend this book enough- it was definitely a reminder of Gods love for me.

[Kev Willoughby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was quietly enjoying this book until I got to Chapter 7, and the author began to reveal how I may have commonly misread Scripture pretty much my whole life. My default perception is to try to see how I need to learn from and be more like Peter, or Paul, or Joseph, or any number of people from the Bible. And yet that's not even what the Bible is for. Instead, it is a book about what God has done to reveal Himself to us. That's where changed lives come from; not from our efforts to be better people: "All change is derived by encountering God, not trying hard to be like another person."

This is a book about how to abide in Christ, and I only wish I had found it years ago. This is the kind of book that will directly impact your faith. It already has for me.

[Beverly Guy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've been listening to Steve Cuss' podcast for a while, much of what he covers in this book will be familiar to you. But that doesn't mean it's not worth reading too. I loved having a comprehensive overview of the principles he promotes that help anxious humans like me notice patterns of reactivity relax into God's presence. The book encourages readers to engage with numerous exercises and provides space in the pages to do that; I have a feeling I'll come back to those sections numerous times. And, as a bonus, Steve is funny! The same wit and playfulness that make his podcast fun to listen to come across in his writing, making this a joy to read even as I was challenged to do some serious self-reflection.

[Lisa Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Split review

I’d give the first 70% of the book 3 stars, and the remainder a 4 or 5. Cuss’s writing style is not hard to read but something about it was distracting to me. That aside, I found the first part of the book to have too much psycho-babble for me. I even put it down for a while then came back. My response didn’t change. The stuff he’s writing about would take way more than reading a book to be useful. He urges seeing a professional several times. But I’m glad I hung on because the last part of the book was much clearer on the spiritual principles at work and how to apply some of them. Own ebook.

[Brian Virtue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good, but potentially life-changing for those who put the tools and ideas into practice. That's what this book is meant to do - challenge assumptions and habits that erode abundant living and guide people into new patterns and habits that bring life through Christ. So very helpful tools to integrate into one's life and leadership if people actually move from page to life. But the book makes that a less daunting journey than it often is.

[Jon Wolfinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Steve Cuss is a reliable guide. In his second book he continues assisting humans to know themselves, God and the world around them in a deeper and more helpful way leading to tangible change. This book doesn't give any "hacks", but with wit and candor provides tools to implement and practice in the spaces of real life. I'm deeply grateful for Steve's influence in my life and journey with Jesus. I've purchased 5 copies and will continue to distribute more to others.