I'm More Than the Pastor's Wife: Authentic Living in a Fishbowl World

by Lorna Dobson

Lorna Dobson knows firsthand the struggles and joys of being married to a pastor―and the questions, not the least of which is, “What is a ‘pastor's wife,’ anyway?” As her poll of hundreds of women reveals, the wife of a minister is rarely the piano-playing, committee-leading stereotype.With humor, disarming genuineness, personal stories, and wisdom rooted in Scripture, Dobson cuts through the labels. “How I live has little to do with whether my husband is a pastor; rather, my life reflects my growth, or lack of it, as a Christian.” In this revised edition of I’m More Than the Pastor’s Wife, she includes new perspectives as a grandparent, soon-to-be empty-nester, and speaker. Here are frontline insights on·Making friends and cultivating personal support outside the church·Learning to handle expectations and pressures·Balancing time and using your gifts·Supporting your husband and growing closer to him·Prioritizing prayer for your husband, family, and church·Knowing your capabilities and limits·Dealing with “problem people” and church conflicts . . . and much more!

Genres: Christian, Christian Living

192 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2003

Reviews

[Emma Thompson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. There are good pieces of advice in here, but most or all of the good could be equally well learned by just getting to know more experienced church worker wives and asking questions. There was also a lot of “listen to the Spirit” and “follow God’s leading on your heart” stuff that provided no real guidance other than “wait for a good feeling and hope it’s a sign from God.”

Most of the book fell into the above descriptors, but there were a few points that I found seriously concerning.

1. There is advice on p. 156 that husbands should make sure congregants know their wives may be aware of anything he’s told. I know the confessional seal isn’t a thing in every denomination, but I take serious issue with the idea that the only way a pastor can maintain his reputation and marriage is by keeping his wife as a possible party to any confidential information shared.

2. “The statement ‘God led us,’ cannot be refuted.” (P. 157): This thought process just opens up so many cans of so many worms for ministries to take advantage of people.

3. I don’t want advice on keeping an intact, faithful marriage from Bill Hybels, thank you very much.

4. I think most concerningly, the book gives a general impression that life married to a pastor needs to involved long stretches of never ending church service and pressure. The author does mention the joys on occasion, but I think the overall tone is one of difficulty rather than one of joy. I could see a seminary wife or new pastor’s wife reading this and becoming discouraged and distrustful of congregants. Yes, some end up in seriously difficult calls, but that’s not every situation and not what everyone should expect upon their husband’s entry in the ministry. Coming in with an attitude of suspicion, keeping everyone at arm’s length, can put up roadblocks to meaningful relationships.

I’m climbing off my soapbox now.

[Patricia Lott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think that this was a decent book that was written for a specific population or reformation. Personally I could not connect with the material presented because it was so far removed from the experience of a Pastor's wife in my culture and reformation. I think that Mrs Dobson's work would have been better and more able to connect with all pastor's wived had she sought surveys from Pastor's wives in other cultures and reformations than hers. Would not recommend this book to any Pastor's wife that I know and am frankly surprised that it was in the bookstore of my reformation.

[Faith Dodds · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book addresses many issues head on. I started this book a few years ago and stopped because I felt it wasn’t relevant to me. A year and a half later after being in the role of a pastors wife I can relate to many more of the topics addressed. The author obviously lives in America in a much larger church than I, and needs to be read with that in mind. But people are still people and many issues are relevant and worth a read; even if just for the reassurance that you are not alone in the feelings that you are experiencing.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for our PALS group. Some good advice but a lot of it was very general or not applicable to me.

[Lauren Tomlinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book full of wonderful advice for how I can be preparing myself to enter into full time ministry with Adam one day.