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I Am That Unicorn: Memoir of an Indonesian Queer
“You will not remember me as that Asian, that immigrant, that Muslim, or that gay guy. You will remember me as that unicorn who built a throne.”
When Arozak Salam is presented with a rare opportunity to move from Indonesia to Australia in his early twenties, he makes a radical leave everything behind and search for his true identity in a new country. From day one, Arozak is in survival mode as a loner immigrant struggling to find a home, job, and friends while wishing for love in a foreign land.
I Am That Unicorn depicts the mixture of Western and Eastern cultures from an immigrant’s perspective. It’s the tale of a proud gay man from a conservative Muslim family, a subsea engineer by day and a unicorn burlesque performer by night. It’s a journey of self-discovery spanning from the Australia Indonesia Youth Exchange Program to ConFest – the largest hippy festival in Australia, the Sydney Mardi Gras Parade, the Mr Gay World pageant in Rome, a regional Burning Man in Western Australia, all the way to kinky clubs in Berlin and the inevitable Grindr debauchery. This book is a celebration of contrasts and life’s full spectrum.
'An utterly illuminating memoir about the cross-cultural and immigrant queer experience. In this irrepressible unicorn of a book, Arozak shows us there are many colours to the heartbreak, tenacity, bravery, joy, and pride.' - Duc Dau, PhD (she/her), Queer activist and Researcher, Perth, Australia
'A memoir that is not only fun to read but also offers intimate insights, musings, and anecdotes about pushing boundaries, testing your limits, taking chances, and learning to be resilient. Eventful and contemplative, it becomes a call to arm for anyone on a quest to define their identity, freedom, and home. An engrossing and inspiring read for ‘unicorns’ of all shapes, sizes, and colors looking to grow their horns and charge.' - Rizal Iwan (he/him), Writer/Actor, Jakarta, Indonesia
'In I Am That Unicorn , Arozak invites us to journey with him as a gay Indonesian through the ups and downs of growing up different in a largely unwelcoming society. He is a true role model for audacity and tenacity in the face of adversity and challenges of living in the diaspora, settling in professional work and blooming in the flamboyance of pageants and burlesque. It shows that anything is possible if you try hard.' Dédé Oetomo (he/him), Founder & Trustee of GAYa NUSANTARA, Surabaya, Indonesia
When Arozak Salam is presented with a rare opportunity to move from Indonesia to Australia in his early twenties, he makes a radical leave everything behind and search for his true identity in a new country. From day one, Arozak is in survival mode as a loner immigrant struggling to find a home, job, and friends while wishing for love in a foreign land.
I Am That Unicorn depicts the mixture of Western and Eastern cultures from an immigrant’s perspective. It’s the tale of a proud gay man from a conservative Muslim family, a subsea engineer by day and a unicorn burlesque performer by night. It’s a journey of self-discovery spanning from the Australia Indonesia Youth Exchange Program to ConFest – the largest hippy festival in Australia, the Sydney Mardi Gras Parade, the Mr Gay World pageant in Rome, a regional Burning Man in Western Australia, all the way to kinky clubs in Berlin and the inevitable Grindr debauchery. This book is a celebration of contrasts and life’s full spectrum.
'An utterly illuminating memoir about the cross-cultural and immigrant queer experience. In this irrepressible unicorn of a book, Arozak shows us there are many colours to the heartbreak, tenacity, bravery, joy, and pride.' - Duc Dau, PhD (she/her), Queer activist and Researcher, Perth, Australia
'A memoir that is not only fun to read but also offers intimate insights, musings, and anecdotes about pushing boundaries, testing your limits, taking chances, and learning to be resilient. Eventful and contemplative, it becomes a call to arm for anyone on a quest to define their identity, freedom, and home. An engrossing and inspiring read for ‘unicorns’ of all shapes, sizes, and colors looking to grow their horns and charge.' - Rizal Iwan (he/him), Writer/Actor, Jakarta, Indonesia
'In I Am That Unicorn , Arozak invites us to journey with him as a gay Indonesian through the ups and downs of growing up different in a largely unwelcoming society. He is a true role model for audacity and tenacity in the face of adversity and challenges of living in the diaspora, settling in professional work and blooming in the flamboyance of pageants and burlesque. It shows that anything is possible if you try hard.' Dédé Oetomo (he/him), Founder & Trustee of GAYa NUSANTARA, Surabaya, Indonesia
- GenresMemoir
234 pages, Paperback
Published August 13, 2023
3 people are currently reading
42 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
October 15, 2023
Once I picked it up, I found myself entranced by Ozak's journey while struggling with his identity as a young gay man while navigating his way to settle in Australia. I'm so honoured and privileged to be able to know him and his story, as a fellow countryman, I felt that our struggles as "minorities" are always muffled and set aside as they are in conflict with the agenda of the "majority". A big congratulations, Ozak, you are a true inspiration! And thank you, for being true and still being compassionate at heart.
Ozak's memoir immediately made me think back to Joseph Campbell's archetypal hero's journey, a concept of narratology that I came to know many years ago when I was still studying English literature. The hero's journey starts out with a young protagonist - curious, pure-hearted and driven by the call to adventure. Like many before him, he makes a pact to always stay true to himself and never lose sight of his aspirations. And so, he sets out with his rucksack and a lantern, starting to row his boat along the river. During his journey, he makes up stories to keep himself entertained. He meets lots of figures that either helps him move forward, or teaches him a lesson. There are mentors, allies, and enemies. There are rejections that turn out to be guideposts, there are endless nights of worry and hunger that reveal blessings. There are dark tunnels where he has to make quick, brave decisions to set out his direction before his boat sinks. "This is a creative river journey," he thinks to himself, "with each bend in the river representing a shift or change in my personal experience." While he goes on, he knows the only way to truly create a meaningful life for himself is to write it all down.
Writing, in my opinion, is one of the most playful, safe and creative spaces to paint a tapestry of your life trajectory. A process imbued by the individual's inner wishes and desires. Positioning ourselves in the protagonist's journey enables us to unearth a universally human experience, one that is weaved and wrapped inside a unique, culture-specific expression. It is an artistic making, a reflective-thinking process that keeps on evolving and nurturing its readers even long after the writing process has ceased. Memoir writing, as it is, adheres to a familiar pattern of storytelling. It is a self-knowing, reflexive work that does not disguise its narrative intention, which is sketching out the development or growth of characters, both internally and externally. It is a narrative that evolves in a three-fold way: a piece of creative work, a reflective thinking and a cinematic experience (both for the writer and readers). It is an embodied aesthetic experience, woven from the depths of the writer's being. In Ozak's case as a burlesque performer, it is how emotional transformation is materialised from the dressed body.
Quoting Aristotle from Poetics, action is the most paramount element of drama where characters act out based on their beliefs, states-of-mind, personalities, and not only recalling them from dialogues or memories. In Ozak's book, I saw how all of his actions and key momentums were driven by his quick thinking, desires, faith and wits that have so far shaped the myriad facets of his life. From what I've seen from his writing, I learn that life is what you make it, and that you can allow it to expand or shrink depending on your courage.
Ozak's evocative writing style is superb and I just loved it. Bravo Ozak!
Ozak's memoir immediately made me think back to Joseph Campbell's archetypal hero's journey, a concept of narratology that I came to know many years ago when I was still studying English literature. The hero's journey starts out with a young protagonist - curious, pure-hearted and driven by the call to adventure. Like many before him, he makes a pact to always stay true to himself and never lose sight of his aspirations. And so, he sets out with his rucksack and a lantern, starting to row his boat along the river. During his journey, he makes up stories to keep himself entertained. He meets lots of figures that either helps him move forward, or teaches him a lesson. There are mentors, allies, and enemies. There are rejections that turn out to be guideposts, there are endless nights of worry and hunger that reveal blessings. There are dark tunnels where he has to make quick, brave decisions to set out his direction before his boat sinks. "This is a creative river journey," he thinks to himself, "with each bend in the river representing a shift or change in my personal experience." While he goes on, he knows the only way to truly create a meaningful life for himself is to write it all down.
Writing, in my opinion, is one of the most playful, safe and creative spaces to paint a tapestry of your life trajectory. A process imbued by the individual's inner wishes and desires. Positioning ourselves in the protagonist's journey enables us to unearth a universally human experience, one that is weaved and wrapped inside a unique, culture-specific expression. It is an artistic making, a reflective-thinking process that keeps on evolving and nurturing its readers even long after the writing process has ceased. Memoir writing, as it is, adheres to a familiar pattern of storytelling. It is a self-knowing, reflexive work that does not disguise its narrative intention, which is sketching out the development or growth of characters, both internally and externally. It is a narrative that evolves in a three-fold way: a piece of creative work, a reflective thinking and a cinematic experience (both for the writer and readers). It is an embodied aesthetic experience, woven from the depths of the writer's being. In Ozak's case as a burlesque performer, it is how emotional transformation is materialised from the dressed body.
Quoting Aristotle from Poetics, action is the most paramount element of drama where characters act out based on their beliefs, states-of-mind, personalities, and not only recalling them from dialogues or memories. In Ozak's book, I saw how all of his actions and key momentums were driven by his quick thinking, desires, faith and wits that have so far shaped the myriad facets of his life. From what I've seen from his writing, I learn that life is what you make it, and that you can allow it to expand or shrink depending on your courage.
Ozak's evocative writing style is superb and I just loved it. Bravo Ozak!
March 19, 2025
I Am That Unicorn
I was both excited and nervous finally getting Ozak’s memoir in my hands. From just a cursory glance of what he promises, I have seen many books in the same genre fail - they either pander with their traumatic experience or they will employ a self-indulgent tone that deflects any self reflection.
And yet, ever since the first chapter, I was quickly drawn to the voice of the writer. A boy who liked Pink Rangers and the young man with a vague yearning of a better place. Through the chapters, readers are given the privilege to follow his winding journey of young heartache, sense of discovery, setbacks, and one by one achieving his bucket list that he only dared to dream when he was twenty. I was fully recruited to Ozak’s growth and development, rooting for him for his job-hunt, visa applications, participation in pageant and burlesque, through his life in the outbacks of Australia, his sense of dread of coming back to a home that doesn’t feel like one, and the joyous ecstasy in Europe’s kinky spaces.
I had to pause in some pages as I was overwhelmed by the vulnerability and the authenticity of the writing. In a passage talking about his prayer to a God he doesn’t formally believe in, he speaks with a piousness that is both self-reflective but also bold. Only a sense of maturity that has gone distant from bitterness can compose this passage.
Ozak’s journey of being a performance artist is also balanced. We are treated to a glimpse of the world of burlesque and Australia’s alternative festivals, but we are also shown his motivations and emotions through the process. I kept screaming ‘hear hear’ reading how he said that each time he hears of persecution of queers in Indonesia, he feels called to dance even more ferociously. It is such a queer experience to have to reframe a lot of our basic actions (kissing, singing, dancing, dressing up) as an act of bold rebellion. The author captures this detail mesmerisingly.
As a result, the prose feels readable and compelling. It has its depth and momentum, and I find myself finishing the book in a day.
Bravo Ozak, thank you for writing your individual story about our collective queer experience. May stories like yours bloom like crocus fields in spring and that we will be empowered to discover our own unicorns.
I was both excited and nervous finally getting Ozak’s memoir in my hands. From just a cursory glance of what he promises, I have seen many books in the same genre fail - they either pander with their traumatic experience or they will employ a self-indulgent tone that deflects any self reflection.
And yet, ever since the first chapter, I was quickly drawn to the voice of the writer. A boy who liked Pink Rangers and the young man with a vague yearning of a better place. Through the chapters, readers are given the privilege to follow his winding journey of young heartache, sense of discovery, setbacks, and one by one achieving his bucket list that he only dared to dream when he was twenty. I was fully recruited to Ozak’s growth and development, rooting for him for his job-hunt, visa applications, participation in pageant and burlesque, through his life in the outbacks of Australia, his sense of dread of coming back to a home that doesn’t feel like one, and the joyous ecstasy in Europe’s kinky spaces.
I had to pause in some pages as I was overwhelmed by the vulnerability and the authenticity of the writing. In a passage talking about his prayer to a God he doesn’t formally believe in, he speaks with a piousness that is both self-reflective but also bold. Only a sense of maturity that has gone distant from bitterness can compose this passage.
Ozak’s journey of being a performance artist is also balanced. We are treated to a glimpse of the world of burlesque and Australia’s alternative festivals, but we are also shown his motivations and emotions through the process. I kept screaming ‘hear hear’ reading how he said that each time he hears of persecution of queers in Indonesia, he feels called to dance even more ferociously. It is such a queer experience to have to reframe a lot of our basic actions (kissing, singing, dancing, dressing up) as an act of bold rebellion. The author captures this detail mesmerisingly.
As a result, the prose feels readable and compelling. It has its depth and momentum, and I find myself finishing the book in a day.
Bravo Ozak, thank you for writing your individual story about our collective queer experience. May stories like yours bloom like crocus fields in spring and that we will be empowered to discover our own unicorns.
September 18, 2023
I am pleased to share a review written by my partner (Australian).
“I’ve been recently privileged to read ‘I am that Unicorn’ by Arozak Salam.
It was a compelling story and I devoured it over two days.
The autobiography follows two themes of being an immigrant and coping with the complexities of being gay in the more conservative culture of Indonesia and the more accepting situation for LGBTQIA+ people in Australia.
Both the relocation to another country and coming out are traumatic experiences for many people. Arozak presents an open, honest and heartfelt account of his own life in this regard.
He tells it as it was and you feel for him and with him as his life unfolds on the pages. The immigration story is a powerful one and I now have a better understanding of this challenging time in life for the many people who leave their homes and choose to live in Australia.
Arozak shares his experiences with employment, housing, friendships, acceptance and connections back home. His writing allows you to fully empathise with him and others on the same journey.
His journey in accepting his sexuality and the expression of himself as gay is enlivening.
I was able to connect his story closely with my own as a gay man. For so many queer people life causes great burdens in self identity and confidence , family and work relationships, and discovering your true self. Arozak’s journey in discovering his true self had many similarities for me.
The book has helped me deal with my own ongoing issues of identity, trueness to self and acceptance.
The story is a celebration of a commitment to creating a life devoid of trauma through cultural and religious differences. In this story we see a proud and courageous man becoming who he was born to be - gay and Australian.
“I’ve been recently privileged to read ‘I am that Unicorn’ by Arozak Salam.
It was a compelling story and I devoured it over two days.
The autobiography follows two themes of being an immigrant and coping with the complexities of being gay in the more conservative culture of Indonesia and the more accepting situation for LGBTQIA+ people in Australia.
Both the relocation to another country and coming out are traumatic experiences for many people. Arozak presents an open, honest and heartfelt account of his own life in this regard.
He tells it as it was and you feel for him and with him as his life unfolds on the pages. The immigration story is a powerful one and I now have a better understanding of this challenging time in life for the many people who leave their homes and choose to live in Australia.
Arozak shares his experiences with employment, housing, friendships, acceptance and connections back home. His writing allows you to fully empathise with him and others on the same journey.
His journey in accepting his sexuality and the expression of himself as gay is enlivening.
I was able to connect his story closely with my own as a gay man. For so many queer people life causes great burdens in self identity and confidence , family and work relationships, and discovering your true self. Arozak’s journey in discovering his true self had many similarities for me.
The book has helped me deal with my own ongoing issues of identity, trueness to self and acceptance.
The story is a celebration of a commitment to creating a life devoid of trauma through cultural and religious differences. In this story we see a proud and courageous man becoming who he was born to be - gay and Australian.
December 4, 2023
In our journey through life, the pangs of loneliness are a universal experience, touching us all at some point. Unfortunately, for the LGBTQIA+ community, especially the gay individuals among us, this sense of isolation often becomes a constant companion. The innate human desires for acceptance, belonging, and support, which are shared by people of all sexual orientations, take on a heightened significance for the gay community due to the unfortunately limited spaces available for such acceptance in our current society.
In an ideal world, the boundaries that confine these fundamental human needs should vanish, so that judgment holds no space. This book doesn't merely delve into the personal narrative of Ozak, a gay individual; rather, it explores the broader landscape of our shared humanity. Within its pages, laughter, tears, and joy become threads that weave together the fabric of our collective experience.
I wholeheartedly recommend this book to everyone, as I feel it has the power to resonate with readers on a profound level. I hope that those who read this book will find themselves touched as deeply as I have been. In illuminating the struggles and triumphs of the LGBTQIA+ community, this book serves not only as a mirror reflecting our shared humanity but also as a testament to the resilience and beauty inherent in the diversity of human experience. Well done, my friend!
In an ideal world, the boundaries that confine these fundamental human needs should vanish, so that judgment holds no space. This book doesn't merely delve into the personal narrative of Ozak, a gay individual; rather, it explores the broader landscape of our shared humanity. Within its pages, laughter, tears, and joy become threads that weave together the fabric of our collective experience.
I wholeheartedly recommend this book to everyone, as I feel it has the power to resonate with readers on a profound level. I hope that those who read this book will find themselves touched as deeply as I have been. In illuminating the struggles and triumphs of the LGBTQIA+ community, this book serves not only as a mirror reflecting our shared humanity but also as a testament to the resilience and beauty inherent in the diversity of human experience. Well done, my friend!
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June 1, 2025This was a fantastic memoir. It’s not easy to find Indonesian authors who tackle queer issues so openly in their books, especially through personal experiences, but this memoir does it well and I’m always keen to read any that I come across. As someone who also grew up queer in Indonesia (and eventually also moved to Australia for uni), I can recognise a lot of the struggles on the page despite being from a different cultural background and generation. It’s difficult being “the odd one out” and it’s even more difficult when you’re also navigating being in a different country without much support system or networks. However, this book does well in also showcasing the fun and joy in finding who you are and finding community.
Community is an important part of this book and it’s evident in the various circles explored within the book. From gay bars to pride parades, there is always a place in the queer community that fits you best and to be able to read that from an author who felt close to home hit hard. I’m grateful to have read this book and I really do hope that there will be more Indonesian queer stories, both fiction and nonfiction, in the coming years. We need those voices more than ever and it’s important to show that we exist and that we deserve to be true to ourselves and experience queer joys.
Community is an important part of this book and it’s evident in the various circles explored within the book. From gay bars to pride parades, there is always a place in the queer community that fits you best and to be able to read that from an author who felt close to home hit hard. I’m grateful to have read this book and I really do hope that there will be more Indonesian queer stories, both fiction and nonfiction, in the coming years. We need those voices more than ever and it’s important to show that we exist and that we deserve to be true to ourselves and experience queer joys.
June 4, 2024
I love this book. I read the whole thing and even reread some of my favorite parts. In terms of the character's immigration story, it is successful and very touching. He managed to get what he wanted and live authentically in a foreign land. However, in terms of the character's love life, it's very sad as he had people coming and going in his life who were there to fuck around but not stay with him. The author explained in details how difficult life is in Indonesia as an LGBT individual, and the way he described it is so detailed that everyone from there can relate to it thoroughly. He also helped people understand the realistic aspect of immigration, that it isn't easy and some people end up having to go back to their countries. And as a Barbie doll lover, I love the fact that he wasn't ashamed to play with Barbie in primary school and had people bully him for it. I can relate to that too because I'm an adult who collects 100 Barbie dolls.
Well done, Tess Ozteron. You're a beautiful pink power ranger and the most sassy unicorn ever.
Well done, Tess Ozteron. You're a beautiful pink power ranger and the most sassy unicorn ever.
April 4, 2024
This may be the first memoir from an Indonesian who is part of the LGBTQ+ community that I read—regrettably I don’t think there’s a lot of these and there should be more. This book coincidentally made a fitting answer to my partner's hypothetical question: what would you do if you want to get out of Indonesia and live abroad?
My answer was, as a _sobat kabupaten_, I didn’t dream of living abroad. Moving to a city was already a sea change. But reading about Arozak’s path was eye opening.
Compared to memoirs and essays l've read recently, this reads like Linda Sarsour's We're in This Together. My partner pointed out that there’s a book with which this book shares common themes: Matt Ortile’s The Groom Will Keep His Name (Ortile is a Pinoy in the US). I think would have liked this book even more if Arozak gave the readers more space for suspense, tension, and feelings before moving to resolutions.
My answer was, as a _sobat kabupaten_, I didn’t dream of living abroad. Moving to a city was already a sea change. But reading about Arozak’s path was eye opening.
Compared to memoirs and essays l've read recently, this reads like Linda Sarsour's We're in This Together. My partner pointed out that there’s a book with which this book shares common themes: Matt Ortile’s The Groom Will Keep His Name (Ortile is a Pinoy in the US). I think would have liked this book even more if Arozak gave the readers more space for suspense, tension, and feelings before moving to resolutions.
March 20, 2025
wow. firstly, so happy i stumbled a piece of personal memoir written by another queer indonesian trying to find solace and identity as a migrant in the western world. a lot of super familiar tales, feelings, thoughts - that i found reassuring and consoling. is it a magnificent piece of literary memoir? no. written in mostly matter of fact and descriptive manner, i do wish arozak painted a more visceral image of his experiences through more beautiful prose. i also found the worldview represented was rather one dimensional, which im sure did not make up for the very intense and layered feelings im sure the author went thru. but i thought it was still an important piece of work. representation turns out does matter.
June 17, 2024
This is not a genre I usually read but I 'am rooting for the Unicorn."
Whilst there were fortuitous situations for A, I am glad his life became something he was proud of and in a community he was accepted.
Who would have thought he would represent Indonesia in Mr Gay world !!! [saying the the notion of such a competition is questionable ...as is any 'beauty' contest !}.
I admire his tenacity in leaving such an oppressive country and finding solace in Perth.
Hope his life is good .....
Whilst there were fortuitous situations for A, I am glad his life became something he was proud of and in a community he was accepted.
Who would have thought he would represent Indonesia in Mr Gay world !!! [saying the the notion of such a competition is questionable ...as is any 'beauty' contest !}.
I admire his tenacity in leaving such an oppressive country and finding solace in Perth.
Hope his life is good .....
April 1, 2025
This delightful book was brought to my attention by a friend. I must admit that I very rarely read memoirs but with I Am That Unicorn, it's quite captivating for me. Ozak's way of telling this memoir is simple, straightforward, honest, and shows his romantic soul and his bravery to live life as his true self.
September 19, 2023
I simply couldn't put down this book. This book has brought warmth and a few smiles from somewhat relatable experiences. Just how Ozak takes the reader through the chapters, it was fully and entirely gripping from beginning to the end. Brilliant. Absolutely loved it.
September 19, 2023
Great personal journey story showing courage determination and fun as a young gay Asian immigrant to Australia comes to terms with the move and being able to show true self. Easy to read and a great adventure. I hope there is more to come. Highly recommended.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews