There is something specifically insightful (and slightly devastating) about reading this book as a woman who has never had a friendship like the ones explored between the women in this book’s pages. I have 2 incredible sisters, an amazing mom, an extremely lovable grandmother, but I have never had the type of unparalleled attached at the hip type of female friendship that they often show in movies, tv, or books.
There is a underlying hollowness present in my life, and I’m sure many other women’s, in the shape of a female best friend (the one you do everything with, that you tell everything to, go everywhere with) that due to different circumstances in my life, I have never been able to fill. I think this sensation of isolation from a type of friendship that seems quintessential to girlhood and womanhood is extremely under-talked about, despite my knowing of so many women online who feel this alone. There is a stigma of being a woman with no girl best friends, that you are potentially unlikable, unsupportive of others, view yourself as superior; There is the simple unacknowledged causation of this type of unchosen independence: lack of opportunity that has slowly morphed into self isolation. It feels like you’ve missed a train everyone else had this certain someone else get them a ticket for, and you don’t know where to even begin to be allowed on board.
But in no way is this book about me, and I went into it knowing I needed to put my lack out of mind in order to openly welcome the value and uniquely manifested presence of other women’s platonic love.
Lilly chronicles her tumultuous childhood through her friendships: skipping school, drinking and doing drugs, going out to clubs, lounging for hours on the fire escape; trying to be older than she is while still lavishing in the value of her girlhood relationships. Is there any more commonly normalized and advertised part of being a woman than the confidence and company of a group of girlfriends?
In this book, Dancyger unpacks while also processing deep traumas in her life, reminiscing upon the entrance and exits of multiple impactful and deeply important relationships, the priceless girl friends of days past and future. While in the midst of grief for the loss of her cousin, one of her closest, longest, and most cherished friends, Lilly takes this opportunity to deeply reflect and desperately cling to the women in her life, truly the most invaluable relationships you can be granted in this life.
I am grateful to be a spectator of the magic of female friendships, the transformative power they provide to girls who are slowly growing into women and once they become women, the petty triumphs these friendships’ temperamental drama teaches you to overcome, the companionship of women who will catch you when you fall and listen to you when you yap, push you out of your comfort zone but tuck you back in when you need to get that comfort back. Despite my own personal lack of this type of love, a fact that has cornered me into my shell with an isolating vengeance that often no longer lets me hope for this experience, or seek it, I can deeply appreciate this kind of love’s incomparable value when I see it, and despite the fact that this specific kind of love can at this moment never be able to be truly defined, or bottled for me to entirely capture it myself, Dancyger artfully and idiosyncratically eternalizes it’s impact on her in her life so far, and it’s impact upon her is equally heartwarming and heart-wrenching to experience.