Technology affects every interaction, shapes our identities and constantly hijacks our attention. So how can we reclaim our power and feel less helpless at every stage of our lives? In a world full of algorithms, addictive apps and data-driven adverts, it often feels as if the digital environment is determining our behaviour. We trace our steps, track our kids and share our lives online, without really knowing whether this technology is serving our best interests – or those of the people we love. We speak as though technology is a powerful, unstoppable force and we are the victims. ‘What is this technology doing to us?’ we ask. But are we as helpless as we assume? In Reboot , leading psychotherapist and cyberpsychologist Elaine Kasket offers a novel approach to understanding technology’s role at every stage of our lives. Journeying from digital gestation to the digital afterlife, through infancy, adolescence and adulthood, Kasket connects the dots between our technology usage and the challenges it poses to our identity and development, and to our relationships and privacy. Via discussions of ‘sharenting’, surveillance and social media, Kasket reveals how we consistently underestimate our power to shape our relationships with and through technology. She invites us to question the auto-pilot approach that many of us adopt and instead move forward in a more deliberate, mindful and empowered way. Come away curious about why you use technology the way you do, clear about how those choices are really working out and with the tools to reclaim your life in a tech-obsessed world.
Elaine Kasket, Psy.D., is a Counselling Psychologist, speaker and writer who has studied the juxtaposition of death and the digital since 2006. She has contributed to multiple stories on this topic in TV, radio, print and online media, to include pieces for the BBC, Radio 4, Channel 4 News, the Canadian Broadcasting Company, and Psychology Today. All the Ghosts in the Machine is her first book for general audiences, following a decade of more academic writing on the subject. Originally from the U.S., Elaine now lives with her family in London, where she produces the Mortified stage show, acts as the Bereavement Lead for the Digital Legacy Association, and maintains a busy psychotherapy practice.
You are almost certainly reading this online, either on your computer or most likely now on a mobile device. Vast swathes of what we do have moved online or have a high technological aspect or element to it. The data that you provide to the companies and organisations that we interact with makes you a valuable part of their business.
Because technology is so pervasive, people have started to question is this actually good for us and our loved ones. I love technology, but I tend to think that the answer to this question now is no. The companies use various techniques to get us hooked and keep us interacting with their particular app. This is borderline psychological warfare on us the customer and at the moment, most people are losing…
Each chapter takes us through each stage of our lives from infancy, and early childhood to the tumult that is modern teenage years and onto our digital interactions as adults and the digital legacy that we will leave behind. In each chapter, Kasket gives a good overview of how technology has changed and the possibilities it offers and more importantly the warning signs that you need to be aware of.
This is a very thought-provoking book, She is not writing to make you feel really bad about all of your habits with regard to technology, but rather, just some of them…
The part that I was most startled by is the amount of technology that parents are expected to smother (not literally) their latest offspring in. We only had a baby monitor and didn’t use that for all of ours. It is also a warning about where we could be going, especially with regard to your digital legacy and the ghost in the machine that you will leave behind.
I did feel that it was missing a how-to-change section at the back. But she made it very clear in the conclusion that she wasn’t and didn’t want to do that. Rather she advocates her Technology Serenity Meditation:
May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change about tech, the courage to change my use of it where I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
However, on reflection, I thought that the warnings in the book would be different for every reader of this and then they will have the knowledge to begin to make positive changes in their digital life. She does provide guidelines to help in this process. If you feel that you need to have a digital detox, then this is a good book to start that process with.
Elaine Kasket’s previous book, All The Ghosts in the Machine, was one of those books that I talked with friends and family about a lot, it provided so much food for thought on the digital legacy we leave behind when we die. There were so many aspects to that eventuality we all face that required noting down and taking action about. I wondered if her second book, Rebooted, could have the same impact.
The short answer is a resounding yes. How to describe Reboot ? Its subtitle is “reclaiming your life in a tech-obsessed world” but it is not a self-help on how to reduce using your smartphone or tackle use of social media. Using a structure based on Erik Erikson’s framework of psychosocial development, the author overlays that with the modern, technology-based world that seems a world away from when Erikson developed his psychoanalytical approach to identity in the first half of the 20th Century. In Reboot, and as summarised in the appendix Kasket’s Rebooted Techno-Psycho-Social Lifespan model, the author considers the role of technolocgy across different parts of the human lifespan. Unlike the Erikson model this now includes the time before we are born and after we die.
Each chapter considers how technological advances and devices can be both positive and negative influences during the lifetime, especially from the perspective of identity. For example, the shaping of the identuity of a pre-born child by social media posts from parents or family which may contain aspirations for the unborn child life. This is not perhaps new, often people have hopes and aspirations that their child may go onto achieve. The problem is that now this is shared online, which the child will be able to access at a later date and rightly Reboot poses the question of how that effects their identity - does it act as a constraint on who they actually are ? The chapters are written for the current generations, so there is a discussion around those who can be termed “digital natives” who have been born and grown up within an online world or those older, “digital immigrants” and how that both shapes our approach and interaction with technology and how that may challenge our identity. It is a fascinating read, with lots of opportunities to sit back and really think about what the chapter has told you, to consider your own and wider societal impacts of technology. There is also a sprinkling of one-liners to underline points - my favourite being “infancy must be a pre-digital Garden of Eden, a time of innocence before that first Apple.” It is also a book that at times is chilling to read, especially when it comes to the use of technology to provide contact with deceased relatives, through either prepared voice recordings linked to AI or indeed the potential for your digital legacy to be used to recreate an online version of you. That is not that far away, the technology is present now.
In summary, whether you use technology a lot or try to avoid it, read this book. It will make you realise how embedded it is to your life. What I really liked is that the book doesn’t tell you what to do you - you won’t find any superficial hints or tips, but rather a concluding chapter that presents a summary and some prompts on how you may want to view and use technology. These are informed from a psychological perspective. And that is the key - it’s not that technology is bad or good. It is how you use it to support your personal values and goals that is the key. Five stars as it’s a book I will return to.
This book is not bad; but it is important to know that the description is not totally accurate and if you are like me, you will be disappointed not so much by what the book is, but what it isn't.
In the description of this book, it says, "So how can we reclaim our power and feel less helpless at every stage of our lives?" That's the reboot part of the title. That alone drew me into this book because I too feel like I have given all power over to technology and feel compelled to share every detail of my life online. So if this book gives me tools to reclaim our lives from the tech-obsessed world, count me in!
EXCEPT, this book isn't about that. It is a psychological description, broken down by different stages of development, of *how* technology has taken control of our lives. It never actually gets to the "so what can you do about it" part.
That's where my letdown is. I did genuinely enjoy reading about the often insidious and underhanded way psychology is used by the tech world in pulling us in at every stage of development. But what I wanted was a reboot -- a book about how to pull out of that world.
So if you go into this book knowing what it does and does not cover, I think you will enjoy this book because this is such an important topic for this era of our lives.
I finished Elaine Kasket's Reboot a week ago now and it is still echoing round my brain.
I remember it when I see all the reels on Facebook full of children who have no say in their antics (and often their normal, toddlerish naughtiness) being broadcast to millions of people in perpetuity.
And I remember it when I am asked whether I want to accept all cookies on a website and, with a sigh, I remind myself not to be lazy, and to take the extra 30 seconds to choose essential cookies only.
But Reboot is about so much more than this. It's about our digital existence from before birth to beyond death. It's about the contradictions of technology that oversees so much of our daily activity in a way that can feel very creepy, but whose surveillance can be of great benefit, for example in helping older people to stay independent in their home.
It's about how technology can bring us together (as we saw so clearly in the recent pandemic) and how it can wedge itself between people, so parents and children, and relationship partners spend less time looking at each other and more time engrossed by the addictive qualities of phones and games.
Kasket blends her personal experience of technology as a parent and partner with a scientist's view. As a Psychologist and Psychotherapist she sees the negative impact of an over-absorption in technology in some of her clients. Yet she recognises that there are situations when technology can reassure and support us in our life roles as parent, partner or employer, and even as the child of an older parent.
I've changed how I do things in my cyber life as a result of this book. I've always been a bit blase - a bit "what's the point; the cat's out of the bag" about my social media life. "Oh, I've got nothing to hide anyway" I've often said. But two things Kasket discussed really stopped me in my tracks.
One was the tale of her own daughter who was able to tell Kasket that she did not want her image shared on social media. I realised how so many of us share photos of our loved littlies, not to gain millions of views on social media, but to keep family and close friends up-to-date. And those children get absolutely no say (even if a parent asks, do they really understand what posting on social media means?), especially as private setting rarely mean complete privacy. I decided that I would not share any childrens' photos on social media even though I would have parental permission to do so. It doesn't seem fair.
The second was the discussion on what happens with our digital presence after we die. I faced this in a very practical sense when my Dad died last year. At 89 he was still a frequent user of technology, and had many social media accounts, email, and a long list of services he had subscribed to. I made a very quick decision to close down every account I could. Dad felt that death was death, and I wanted his digital life to reflect that. But even after that experience I never thought about my own digital life. After reading Reboot I have made sure that my will says to close and remove all my digital accounts. And I've ticked the right boxes with Meta so that whoever is left behind simply needs to confirm I have died. I've got nothing to hide. But I want physical death to be digital death too - as much as that will be possible in (hopefully) several decades to come.
If you love technology, read this book so you're using tech with eyes wide open. If you worry about tech read this book to see if your fears are something you really need to be concerned about, If you hate tech, read it to see the benefits of some tech alongside the privacy challenges it also offers. Basically, if you use tech, read it.
"Reboot: Reclaiming Your Life in a Tech-Obsessed World" by Elaine Kasket is a witty, insightful, and thought-provoking exploration of the impact of technology on our lives. In a world filled with addictive apps, data-driven advertisements, and constant distractions, Kasket raises essential questions about the role of technology in shaping our identities and behaviors.
From digital gestation to the digital afterlife, the book takes readers on a journey through every stage of life, analyzing how technology influences our development, relationships, and privacy. Kasket challenges the notion that technology is an unstoppable force, highlighting the power individuals have in shaping their relationship with technology.
Throughout the book, Kasket delves into crucial topics such as "sharenting" (sharing information about children online), surveillance, and social media, unveiling how these aspects impact our lives and relationships. She prompts readers to question their automatic approach to technology usage and encourages a more mindful and empowered perspective.
The author, a leading psychotherapist and cyberpsychologist, provides a fresh perspective on understanding technology's role in our lives and challenges readers to be more intentional about their tech usage. By doing so, she offers tools for reclaiming control and finding a healthier balance in our tech-obsessed world.
Kasket's writing is engaging, humorous, and empathetic, making complex concepts accessible to a broad audience. She combines research, personal anecdotes, and expert insights to craft a compelling narrative that encourages self-reflection and action.
In conclusion, "Reboot: Reclaiming Your Life in a Tech-Obsessed World" is a thought-provoking and timely book that sheds light on the impact of technology on our lives and relationships. Elaine Kasket's perspective empowers readers to be more mindful of their tech choices and take back control in a digital age. Whether you are a tech enthusiast or seeking to establish healthier boundaries with technology, this book offers valuable insights and tools for navigating the modern tech landscape.
Reset by Elaine Kasket was a thoroughly eye-opening read, even as a person who is (in my own opinion) very aware of how online they are and tries to be careful about how much time they spend logged on.
Through the book we live a human life, from gestation all the way to death. This life is looked at through a digital lens: how is technology affecting us as we grow? Has something a parent shared about their child changed how the child views themselves? What about when we are gone, what happens to all our digital info then? These are things I can't say I have ever thought about before, but while reading this book I found myself discussing all of it with family and friends.
As a millennial, social media and tech weren't things I grew up with so I lived my childhood and early teen years offline and as a result I think my relationship with technology is fairly healthy. I know that social media can be addicting, I know that tech companies build their apps and devices in ways that make us want to use them more and more. Yet I do sometimes let myself get sucked in, and I think that is okay.
This sort of balance is something that Kasket speaks about often in this book. Technology can be a positive thing and also a negative thing, and it's down to how we as consumers approach it. We've all seen the headlines warning us about technology and teenagers' mental health, and I am sure we have all experienced the frustration of trying to have a conversation with someone whose attention is being pulled to their phone. Yet on the flipside, technology was a lifeline for many during the pandemic, and I myself have made some lifelong friends thanks to the internet.
I really do think that anyone who loves tech, worries about tech or even hates tech should read this book. It isn't going to tell you what to do or how to add or remove tech from your life. What it will do is teach you to question how you want to use tech within your own life to support your own values.
Thank you @elliottandthompson for sending a copy my way!
So this was not what I expected from this book which the author fully acknowledges in the conclusion, this is not really a « how to » book, she’s not going to teach you how to use tech. Now am I disappointed? Absolutely not, this is even better than what I expected. Sometimes what you need is someone who will trust you to make your own decisions after giving you all the information you need, and that’s exactly what you get reading Reset. The author goes through the life of a regular individual, from before they’re even born to after they’re dead ; and describe the way tech may impact each category of life. It’s a little bit terrifying sometimes to be honest. I’m a older millennial so I was blessed with the ability to have my childhood private and to be a stupid teenager offline. Kids today are not so lucky. Now is tech all bad? No it’s more about the way we use it and I really like this approach, cause the « you should get rid of all tech » advocates are not realistic about the way society works today. Being a digital minimalist is a choice that only privileged people can make. That being said, surveillance and data privacy is a real concern and we need to be careful about it and mindful about the things we use and the way we use it. Nothing is neutral but nothing is all a bad or all good either. A really good read with some simple and sound advice at the end. Yes it’s advice of the very annoying but true kind : be mindful about the choices you make.
This is the book that I didn't know I needed to read until I read it. I know the author, Elaine Kasket, from London Writers Salon, and she shared an advanced copy of this book with me.
The book is very accessible and easy to read. Story telling is obviously one of Elaine's strengths. Through her stories and her experience as a clinical psychologist, she takes us through our different life stages, starting in utero and ending up after death. If you have ever wondered how the access to technology alters our development as babies, children, adolescents and adults, this is the book for you.
In fact, even if you haven't wondered about your digital data, this is the book for you. You must now read this book so you can gain control over your data and your internet life. This book isn't an anti-big tech screed, neither is it against technology, nor is it a self-help book. It is, however, a warning. A warning that your baby's data is already owned by the alogarithm and the social media companies, because you posted an ultrasound of your child. A warning that your internet presence doesn't die because you do. A warning not to be a passive participant with technology.
Read this excellent, readable book and be aware of the risks of technology in our lives.
The title and blurb I don't think give a very accurate idea of what the book will be about. It's less a guide for taking control on your life in regards to technology and more a psychologist's perspective on technology in the life cycle, via a new theory on identity throughout the lifespan. It reads more like a textbook but it's not hard to understand as it uses lay-person type language. Interesting, thoughtful, well- written.