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Wounded Pastors: Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry
You’re not alone in your ministry. And you don’t have to suffer in silence. Ministry is a stressful vocation, with unspoken expectations, projected anxieties, and conflicting demands. After the pandemic caused a sudden shift to online worship and factions fighting over when and how to return to in-person worship, pastors have been leaving congregational ministry at even higher rates than usual. The emotional fallout of burnout and abuse at the hands of parishioners is something pastors carry for years, whether they stay or leave the congregation. Seasoned pastor Carol Howard Merritt and psychotherapist and former pastor James Fenimore join their expertise to offer validation, support, and guidance for pastors who have been hurt by the church. With wisdom that can come only from experience, they describe and define aspects of struggle and pain readers may have difficulty articulating or claiming for themselves, and they offer compassionate, informed guidance on how to find healing. A systems approach to conflict sheds light on the dynamics of church conflict and how clergy can tend their own well-being amid leadership challenges. The final chapter helps readers consider their overall vocational path based on what they’ve experienced and decide whether they can remain in congregational ministry or need to pursue a different line of work.
186 pages, Paperback
Published January 16, 2024
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February 5, 2024
I'm a survivor. That is, I stayed in pastoral ministry until retiring at age 63. There was a moment when I wasn't sure about ministry. There were several such moments, but my truly wonder moment came at the end of my first full-time pastoral role. I was asked to resign because I failed to grow the church, though there were other things, like not being sufficiently patriotic after 9-11. I retired during COVID-19, though I had already announced my impending retirement before COVID-19 hit, so I didn't retire due to COVID-19. But I know many pastors who did walk away, having been deeply wounded by congregations that failed to understand the challenges of the moment. Years ago Henri Nouwen published a book that most of us in ministry read. It was called The Wounded Healer : Ministry in Contemporary Society. The gist of the book was that our wounds provide a foundation for ministry. That is true, but not all wounds are the same. It is helpful if our wounds do heal.
With this preface, I turn to Carol Howard and James Fenimore's book "Wounded Pstors: Navigating Burnouit, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry." Carol is well known to many for books and speaking events for good reason. She is a thoughtful writer and speaker as well as a dedicated Presbyterian pastor, who has experienced her own moments of woundedness. In this book, she is joined by James Fenimore, a United Methodist minister and therapist. He too has experienced woundedness. But the book isn't just about them, for they draw upon numerous stories from pastors who have experienced forms of woundedness, which illustrate the reality of woundedness and the possibilities of finding healing so that one might thrive in ministry.
Carol reveals in the Introduction that after she wrote Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God After Experiencing a Hurtful Church, which was written in response to the woundedness experienced by church members she heard from frustrated clergy concerns that she didn't deal with the wounds experienced by clergy. While the former book was geared toward laypeople, this book is directed at clergy. She is joined in this effort by James Fenimore who brings not only his wisdom as one who has been wounded but his experience and expertise as a psychotherapist. They gear this book to healthy pastors. That is they are not writing to help narcissistic and sociopathic clergy, the ones who wound congregations.
Part One of the book is titled "Identifying Our Pain." The authors explore this concept in four chapters. They begin their work in Chapter 1 by laying out a starting point, one that begins during COVID-19. They reveal their own experiences of woundedness, in essence letting us know that this is an offering to clergy from two wounded healers. They acknowledge the challenges posed by COVID-19 and ministry in general. Thus, out of their own experiences and those of others, they offer this balm of healing to "pastors who feel burned-out and wounded, even as we know that we often have the best job in the world" (p. 13). Having laid out the challenges in Chapter 2 they explore the need of "Finding Our People." Here they address a basic area of concern and that is relationships, noting that it generally healthy to look to our congregations for our primary friendship circle. There are numerous reasons for this, including the need to have friendships that are mutual and can continue beyond one's call. They invite us to consider different types of friendships and forms of connection. They do so using the principles of Bowen Family Systems Theory. We who are clergy know that loneliness can set in, especially in rural areas. It can be difficult to make friendships, even with other clergy. But, they offer some suggestions as to ways to do this. One of the reasons we need to do this is when congregations wound us, we need support groups. In Chapter 3 Howard and Fenimore speak of telling our story, defining ourselves as individuals, and making sense of trauma triggers. To do this we'll need to dedicate time to the process of laying out stories and then find story holders, people who will listen. Together with telling our story, they invite us to identify our context. In other words, identifying the systems we inhabit, including our families, our churches, and other groups we are part of. Again this is addressed using systems theory. This can help us understand our experiences of anxiety and forms of leadership, including technical and adaptive.
Part Two is titled "Healing Our Lives." This section includes three chapters, beginning with "Recognizing Our Reactions." Do we overfunction, trying to do everything to please the powers or do we get so bogged down that we give up and underfunction? Perhaps we find ourselves experiencing triangulation. These are situations explored in Chapter 5. As we identify the way we react to woundedness, we can as laid out in Chapter 6, set boundaries. Boundaries come in a variety of forms, and not just sexual ones. The key is self-differentiation and understanding the need for boundaries without setting rigid ones. Finally, in Chapter 7 they speak of forgiveness of one's antagonist. That's not easy, as I've discovered from experience. But forgiveness comes in different forms and cannot undermine accountability.
In Part Three Howard and Fenimore invite us to move from healing wounds to "Nurturing Our Growth." This section includes three chapters, beginning with "Reclaiming Our Meaning." Here they draw on Victor Frankl, whose experiences in the Nazi camps influenced his view of reality. The goal here is to reframe and refocus our perspectives regarding ourselves and the churches we serve. Thus we can move from victim to survivor. Chapter 9 invites us to consider whether to renew or release our call. Do we stay or do we leave? Finally, in Chapter 10 they note that even wounds that heal still leave a trace. Thus we who are wounded remain Walking Wounded. They note that in the resurrection stories, Jesus retains his wounds. They are part of his identity but do not define him or us.
Whether we have been wounded or not, this is a book that should be read by clergy. Howard and Fenimore not only address woundedness, they help us understand our context and create the kinds of support that we need not only to survive but thrive in ministry.
.
With this preface, I turn to Carol Howard and James Fenimore's book "Wounded Pstors: Navigating Burnouit, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry." Carol is well known to many for books and speaking events for good reason. She is a thoughtful writer and speaker as well as a dedicated Presbyterian pastor, who has experienced her own moments of woundedness. In this book, she is joined by James Fenimore, a United Methodist minister and therapist. He too has experienced woundedness. But the book isn't just about them, for they draw upon numerous stories from pastors who have experienced forms of woundedness, which illustrate the reality of woundedness and the possibilities of finding healing so that one might thrive in ministry.
Carol reveals in the Introduction that after she wrote Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God After Experiencing a Hurtful Church, which was written in response to the woundedness experienced by church members she heard from frustrated clergy concerns that she didn't deal with the wounds experienced by clergy. While the former book was geared toward laypeople, this book is directed at clergy. She is joined in this effort by James Fenimore who brings not only his wisdom as one who has been wounded but his experience and expertise as a psychotherapist. They gear this book to healthy pastors. That is they are not writing to help narcissistic and sociopathic clergy, the ones who wound congregations.
Part One of the book is titled "Identifying Our Pain." The authors explore this concept in four chapters. They begin their work in Chapter 1 by laying out a starting point, one that begins during COVID-19. They reveal their own experiences of woundedness, in essence letting us know that this is an offering to clergy from two wounded healers. They acknowledge the challenges posed by COVID-19 and ministry in general. Thus, out of their own experiences and those of others, they offer this balm of healing to "pastors who feel burned-out and wounded, even as we know that we often have the best job in the world" (p. 13). Having laid out the challenges in Chapter 2 they explore the need of "Finding Our People." Here they address a basic area of concern and that is relationships, noting that it generally healthy to look to our congregations for our primary friendship circle. There are numerous reasons for this, including the need to have friendships that are mutual and can continue beyond one's call. They invite us to consider different types of friendships and forms of connection. They do so using the principles of Bowen Family Systems Theory. We who are clergy know that loneliness can set in, especially in rural areas. It can be difficult to make friendships, even with other clergy. But, they offer some suggestions as to ways to do this. One of the reasons we need to do this is when congregations wound us, we need support groups. In Chapter 3 Howard and Fenimore speak of telling our story, defining ourselves as individuals, and making sense of trauma triggers. To do this we'll need to dedicate time to the process of laying out stories and then find story holders, people who will listen. Together with telling our story, they invite us to identify our context. In other words, identifying the systems we inhabit, including our families, our churches, and other groups we are part of. Again this is addressed using systems theory. This can help us understand our experiences of anxiety and forms of leadership, including technical and adaptive.
Part Two is titled "Healing Our Lives." This section includes three chapters, beginning with "Recognizing Our Reactions." Do we overfunction, trying to do everything to please the powers or do we get so bogged down that we give up and underfunction? Perhaps we find ourselves experiencing triangulation. These are situations explored in Chapter 5. As we identify the way we react to woundedness, we can as laid out in Chapter 6, set boundaries. Boundaries come in a variety of forms, and not just sexual ones. The key is self-differentiation and understanding the need for boundaries without setting rigid ones. Finally, in Chapter 7 they speak of forgiveness of one's antagonist. That's not easy, as I've discovered from experience. But forgiveness comes in different forms and cannot undermine accountability.
In Part Three Howard and Fenimore invite us to move from healing wounds to "Nurturing Our Growth." This section includes three chapters, beginning with "Reclaiming Our Meaning." Here they draw on Victor Frankl, whose experiences in the Nazi camps influenced his view of reality. The goal here is to reframe and refocus our perspectives regarding ourselves and the churches we serve. Thus we can move from victim to survivor. Chapter 9 invites us to consider whether to renew or release our call. Do we stay or do we leave? Finally, in Chapter 10 they note that even wounds that heal still leave a trace. Thus we who are wounded remain Walking Wounded. They note that in the resurrection stories, Jesus retains his wounds. They are part of his identity but do not define him or us.
Whether we have been wounded or not, this is a book that should be read by clergy. Howard and Fenimore not only address woundedness, they help us understand our context and create the kinds of support that we need not only to survive but thrive in ministry.
.
February 4, 2024
An excellent book for all pastors. I found the questions at the end of each chapter helpful along with the scenarios. There is good, solid advice in every chapter and also an invitation to dig deeper into therapy or with trusted colleagues in a clergy group, or spiritual practices. I will be recommending this to pastors I know who need support. But read it before it gets to that point: read it so you know what kind of questions to ask yourself before it's too late and you feel burned out and done.
December 9, 2023
Wounded Pastors
By Carol Howard Merritt; James Fenimore
Westminster John Knox Press
Pastors have to endure a lot, not only from congregants but also from family, other pastors and the world in general. This book addresses a number of the issues that pastors face from burnout to personal attacks, stress, manipulation, threats etc. There is hardly a ministry problem that has not been addressed. It tackles each problem head-on with real-life examples, inciteful solutions and thoughtful reflection.
Being a pastor is synonymous with relationships but what to do when those relationships go bad? Wounded Pastors has the answer and it delivers what its sub-heading claims ‘Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry’ As a pastor I can identify with much that is in this book. It is a well-written book that is easy to read. A five-star read for all pastors feeling the pressure of their calling.
Thank you Westminster John Knox Press and Netgalley for the ARC.
By Carol Howard Merritt; James Fenimore
Westminster John Knox Press
Pastors have to endure a lot, not only from congregants but also from family, other pastors and the world in general. This book addresses a number of the issues that pastors face from burnout to personal attacks, stress, manipulation, threats etc. There is hardly a ministry problem that has not been addressed. It tackles each problem head-on with real-life examples, inciteful solutions and thoughtful reflection.
Being a pastor is synonymous with relationships but what to do when those relationships go bad? Wounded Pastors has the answer and it delivers what its sub-heading claims ‘Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry’ As a pastor I can identify with much that is in this book. It is a well-written book that is easy to read. A five-star read for all pastors feeling the pressure of their calling.
Thank you Westminster John Knox Press and Netgalley for the ARC.
June 23, 2024
Okay, this could’ve been a higher rating, but just barely. I think the authors have good intentions and even have really good suggestions for moving toward health and healing. It’s also well researched, includes helpful tools, and has great questions for reflection. BUT, (and it’s a big but) it’s incredibly progressive. The authors say that they are writing to all pastors regardless of race, gender, and sexual orientation - but it is a bit heavy on using feminine pronouns and talking about LGBTQ+ pastors. I want to assume the best intentions, but it does feel like a liberal agenda and anti-Evangelical. I think if you’re diligent, you can sift through the dirt and find the gold - but I’d recommend a different book or just skimming this.
February 18, 2024
This book is wonderful, with lots of insight and opportunities for reflection. I’m not a wounded pastor, but I found the topics covered very helpful as I seek to be a healthy pastor with healthy boundaries. The chapter on “Recognizing Our Reactions” (to anxiety) was particularly helpful. Thanks for writing this, Carol and James. This seems like such an important book for pastors and the Church.
December 13, 2023
Saying pastoral ministry is not easy is an understatement. Many enter the call to full-time ministry at some level of social and economic disadvantage. Well-remunerated pastors are few. Many struggle even to make ends meet. Having written about wounded Christians in all walks of life, there is one group of people that the authors have left out: The clergy. This book is the answer to the many criticisms about excluding the clergy in the woundedness category. From burnout to blatant hurts, healing is a necessary process, and some of us might say, even more so for the clerical vocation. Frequently, those in the ministry of helping others need help themselves. It is widely expected that pastors have to comfort others in their times of grief. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said the other way around. Who comforts them when they are grieved? In some congregations, expectations of pastoral perfection can even lead to unrealistic assumptions that pastors with special calling will automatically experience God's comfort. What if God is using ordinary people to help the hurting pastors? What if we recognize that not everyone is like the Bible heroes of old, like Moses, Joshua, David, etc, where God was their personal Comforter, Deliverer, and Saviour? God can use supernatural means to help, but we should not restrict God from using ordinary people via ordinary means. This book is one ordinary way in which pastors can find a way to heal from their wounds. Written in three parts, authors James Fenimore and Carol Howard write about this process.
In Part One, we learn about "Identifying our Pain." The first step in any process of healing is to state the facts upfront. For Carol, she dealt with her pain by going on a spiritual journey to Israel. This was amid the pandemic. While she stayed on in the pastorate, her co-author James quit. Not only do they need to identify their pain, they need friends who understand what they are going through. Here, the authors show us how some of these friendships can be tricky. Questions need to be asked about whether one should share their struggles within the Church. Should one then always look outside the Church for a friend? They point out that we should think out of the box, find a hobby, to connect with others through continuing education, geographical conveniences, specialized support groups, etc. We also need to learn how to tell our own stories. They provide a helpful list of "reflection prompts" to enable us to share well.
Part Two is the heart of the book that deals with healing proper. It guides us to look honestly at our reactions and the reasons behind them. Many people try to cover up their hurts inappropriately. Whether it is through over-functioning or under-functioning, or how some react to various relationships in the organization, anxiety can push us over the limits of our behaviour. When we lose healthy boundaries, our hurts deepen. Other self-diagnostic measures include healthy recognition of expectations, grounded faith, secure identity, dealing with old baggage, etc. One of the most difficult is about forgiving those who have hurt us. The chapter "Forgiving Our Antagonist" is a tough one to read. The more wounded one is, the harder the read. Thankfully, the authors take the time to describe what forgiveness is and what it entails.
Part Three on "Nurturing Our Growth" is an important step to build on any recovery. The world out there is cruel and difficult. Anyone who has been hurt before might be hurt again. The way forward is not to avoid interactions but to find ways to deal with them when the hurt happens. An important point is to tell the difference between seeing oneself as a "hurt victim" vs "wounded pastor." The former regrets and retreats into one's shell while the latter learns to deal with any disappointment and works toward recovery.
My Thoughts
===============
Let me offer three thoughts about this book.
First, it is a necessary resource for anyone in ministry. Who doesn't get hurt? Everyone gets hurt from time to time. Even for those who are not easily offended, it is simply a matter of time before someone does something to grieve them. Like driving on snow. One can be the most careful driver but there is no guarantee that others will do the same. Other drivers might lose control of their vehicles and hit us. Put simply, one should never assume "hurt immunity" syndrome. Having written a book for the general audience about identifying, recovering, and growing despite hurt situations, authors Merritt and Fenimore target this book at those in ministry, especially pastors. Truth is, pastors struggle a lot inside their closets. In the family, there is the challenge of having to manage family relationships amid a busy Church climate. There is the economic challenge where some pastors had to take on a second job just to make ends meet. One of the most challenging parts of ministry is none other than expectations. While it is generally agreed that it is impossible to please everyone, in practice, everyone expects to be pleased. There is also the frequent clashes between the various power bases in the Church. Many situations wound pastors, whether it is the diocese leadership, local Church boards, or even among fellow colleagues in the Church office.
Second, the book is targeted at healing and recovery. This is the key reason why anyone should pick up this book. With so few people in ministry and the needs overwhelming, we need to do what we can to help existing and prospective ministry workers. The last thing any Church needs is to lose capable and experienced people simply because they cannot recover from their wounds. As Ecclesiastes 3:7s reminds us, "there is a time to tear and a time to mend." For all the altruistic reasons to push on in ministry, workers need to pay more attention to self-care and soul-care. Some people think that they need to push on all the time because the needs are so great. No. Regular maintenance and healing is required. When wounds become learning lessons for healing, that would have been worth the price of this book.
Third, this book is a reminder for us to learn to sabbath regularly. The sabbatical principle of rest and restoration is a big opportunity for healing. Some churches do not believe in sabbaticals for their pastors. That is a real pity. We are all human. Pastors are not superhumans. I have heard some of my peers working non-stop because they are so devoted to their calling. Truth is, we should take sabbath intentionally to remind us that the ministry belongs to God. A burnt-out pastor is of no use. There is a threshold that if exceeded will result in diminishing returns. Sabbath is a way to give ourselves some space to hang out freely without guilt or expectations from others. A good healer is one who knows how to take care of himself/herself. Sabbath is more than simply a vacation time. It is a time to establish our links with God, the one who started the calling ministry altogether. Going back to the Creator without being obligated by outside pressures is a gift of Sabbath.
Carol Howard Merritt is the pastor of Bedford Presbyterian Church in Bedford Village, outside of New York City. She is the author of Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God after Experiencing a Hurtful Church and Reframing Hope: Vital Ministry in a New Generation. She has also written two devotionals and is a popular speaker for preachers and church groups.
James Fenimore is a psychotherapist and congregational consultant with the Samaritan Counseling Center and is based out of Bedford, New York. He has served as a pastor and district superintendent in the United Methodist Church and is a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York state. He holds degrees in technology, theology, and psychology, often pursuing programs and projects that merge the three areas of study.
Rating: 4.25 stars out of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Westminster John Knox Press via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
In Part One, we learn about "Identifying our Pain." The first step in any process of healing is to state the facts upfront. For Carol, she dealt with her pain by going on a spiritual journey to Israel. This was amid the pandemic. While she stayed on in the pastorate, her co-author James quit. Not only do they need to identify their pain, they need friends who understand what they are going through. Here, the authors show us how some of these friendships can be tricky. Questions need to be asked about whether one should share their struggles within the Church. Should one then always look outside the Church for a friend? They point out that we should think out of the box, find a hobby, to connect with others through continuing education, geographical conveniences, specialized support groups, etc. We also need to learn how to tell our own stories. They provide a helpful list of "reflection prompts" to enable us to share well.
Part Two is the heart of the book that deals with healing proper. It guides us to look honestly at our reactions and the reasons behind them. Many people try to cover up their hurts inappropriately. Whether it is through over-functioning or under-functioning, or how some react to various relationships in the organization, anxiety can push us over the limits of our behaviour. When we lose healthy boundaries, our hurts deepen. Other self-diagnostic measures include healthy recognition of expectations, grounded faith, secure identity, dealing with old baggage, etc. One of the most difficult is about forgiving those who have hurt us. The chapter "Forgiving Our Antagonist" is a tough one to read. The more wounded one is, the harder the read. Thankfully, the authors take the time to describe what forgiveness is and what it entails.
Part Three on "Nurturing Our Growth" is an important step to build on any recovery. The world out there is cruel and difficult. Anyone who has been hurt before might be hurt again. The way forward is not to avoid interactions but to find ways to deal with them when the hurt happens. An important point is to tell the difference between seeing oneself as a "hurt victim" vs "wounded pastor." The former regrets and retreats into one's shell while the latter learns to deal with any disappointment and works toward recovery.
My Thoughts
===============
Let me offer three thoughts about this book.
First, it is a necessary resource for anyone in ministry. Who doesn't get hurt? Everyone gets hurt from time to time. Even for those who are not easily offended, it is simply a matter of time before someone does something to grieve them. Like driving on snow. One can be the most careful driver but there is no guarantee that others will do the same. Other drivers might lose control of their vehicles and hit us. Put simply, one should never assume "hurt immunity" syndrome. Having written a book for the general audience about identifying, recovering, and growing despite hurt situations, authors Merritt and Fenimore target this book at those in ministry, especially pastors. Truth is, pastors struggle a lot inside their closets. In the family, there is the challenge of having to manage family relationships amid a busy Church climate. There is the economic challenge where some pastors had to take on a second job just to make ends meet. One of the most challenging parts of ministry is none other than expectations. While it is generally agreed that it is impossible to please everyone, in practice, everyone expects to be pleased. There is also the frequent clashes between the various power bases in the Church. Many situations wound pastors, whether it is the diocese leadership, local Church boards, or even among fellow colleagues in the Church office.
Second, the book is targeted at healing and recovery. This is the key reason why anyone should pick up this book. With so few people in ministry and the needs overwhelming, we need to do what we can to help existing and prospective ministry workers. The last thing any Church needs is to lose capable and experienced people simply because they cannot recover from their wounds. As Ecclesiastes 3:7s reminds us, "there is a time to tear and a time to mend." For all the altruistic reasons to push on in ministry, workers need to pay more attention to self-care and soul-care. Some people think that they need to push on all the time because the needs are so great. No. Regular maintenance and healing is required. When wounds become learning lessons for healing, that would have been worth the price of this book.
Third, this book is a reminder for us to learn to sabbath regularly. The sabbatical principle of rest and restoration is a big opportunity for healing. Some churches do not believe in sabbaticals for their pastors. That is a real pity. We are all human. Pastors are not superhumans. I have heard some of my peers working non-stop because they are so devoted to their calling. Truth is, we should take sabbath intentionally to remind us that the ministry belongs to God. A burnt-out pastor is of no use. There is a threshold that if exceeded will result in diminishing returns. Sabbath is a way to give ourselves some space to hang out freely without guilt or expectations from others. A good healer is one who knows how to take care of himself/herself. Sabbath is more than simply a vacation time. It is a time to establish our links with God, the one who started the calling ministry altogether. Going back to the Creator without being obligated by outside pressures is a gift of Sabbath.
Carol Howard Merritt is the pastor of Bedford Presbyterian Church in Bedford Village, outside of New York City. She is the author of Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God after Experiencing a Hurtful Church and Reframing Hope: Vital Ministry in a New Generation. She has also written two devotionals and is a popular speaker for preachers and church groups.
James Fenimore is a psychotherapist and congregational consultant with the Samaritan Counseling Center and is based out of Bedford, New York. He has served as a pastor and district superintendent in the United Methodist Church and is a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York state. He holds degrees in technology, theology, and psychology, often pursuing programs and projects that merge the three areas of study.
Rating: 4.25 stars out of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Westminster John Knox Press via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
November 9, 2023
"Wounded Pastors" by Carol Howard Merritt and James Fenimore offers a poignant exploration of the challenges and vulnerabilities that pastors face in their roles. The authors delve into the often overlooked struggles that clergy members encounter, shedding light on the emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds that can result from the demands of pastoral ministry.
One commendable aspect of the book is its emphasis on empathy and understanding. Merritt and Fenimore skillfully navigate the complexities of the pastoral journey, acknowledging that ministers, like any other individuals, are susceptible to pain and hardship. The narrative is infused with compassion, urging readers to recognize the humanity within those who dedicate their lives to serving others.
The collaborative effort of the two authors adds a unique dimension to the book. Carol Howard Merritt, drawing from her experiences as a theologian, and James Fenimore, contributing insights as well, provide a well-rounded perspective on the multifaceted nature of pastoral challenges. This interdisciplinary approach enriches the narrative and invites readers to engage with the material on both intellectual and emotional levels.
The book also offers practical insights and coping strategies for pastors dealing with wounds. It doesn't merely highlight the problems but endeavors to provide a roadmap for healing and resilience. This balance between acknowledgment and empowerment makes "Wounded Pastors" a valuable resource not only for clergy members but for anyone interested in understanding the human side of pastoral leadership.
While the book addresses serious and sensitive topics, it maintains a tone of hope and resilience throughout. The authors advocate for a supportive community that fosters open dialogue about mental health, creating a space for pastors to seek assistance without fear of judgment. This advocacy aligns well with the moral standards of empathy and compassion, emphasizing the importance of collective responsibility in caring for those who care for others.
"Wounded Pastors" is a thought-provoking and compassionate exploration of the challenges faced by pastors in their journey of service. Merritt and Fenimore's collaborative work stands out as a testament to the need for a more nuanced understanding of the struggles within the pastoral role, promoting a culture of empathy, support, and healing within the faith community.
One commendable aspect of the book is its emphasis on empathy and understanding. Merritt and Fenimore skillfully navigate the complexities of the pastoral journey, acknowledging that ministers, like any other individuals, are susceptible to pain and hardship. The narrative is infused with compassion, urging readers to recognize the humanity within those who dedicate their lives to serving others.
The collaborative effort of the two authors adds a unique dimension to the book. Carol Howard Merritt, drawing from her experiences as a theologian, and James Fenimore, contributing insights as well, provide a well-rounded perspective on the multifaceted nature of pastoral challenges. This interdisciplinary approach enriches the narrative and invites readers to engage with the material on both intellectual and emotional levels.
The book also offers practical insights and coping strategies for pastors dealing with wounds. It doesn't merely highlight the problems but endeavors to provide a roadmap for healing and resilience. This balance between acknowledgment and empowerment makes "Wounded Pastors" a valuable resource not only for clergy members but for anyone interested in understanding the human side of pastoral leadership.
While the book addresses serious and sensitive topics, it maintains a tone of hope and resilience throughout. The authors advocate for a supportive community that fosters open dialogue about mental health, creating a space for pastors to seek assistance without fear of judgment. This advocacy aligns well with the moral standards of empathy and compassion, emphasizing the importance of collective responsibility in caring for those who care for others.
"Wounded Pastors" is a thought-provoking and compassionate exploration of the challenges faced by pastors in their journey of service. Merritt and Fenimore's collaborative work stands out as a testament to the need for a more nuanced understanding of the struggles within the pastoral role, promoting a culture of empathy, support, and healing within the faith community.
July 7, 2024
It may not be surprising, but not everything that happens at church is holy.. Carol Howard Merritt's earlier book, "Healing Spiritual Wounds," offered practical and theologically-grounded suggestions for lay people working through hurt caused by church systems and personnel. This most recent book addresses the wounds clergy carry from parishioners' attacks, from loneliness and burnout, and from institutional neglect and injustices.
The authors are clear about their theological starting point. They affirm the validity of women's ordination, and some of their examples center on clergy who are LGBTQ+. If the reader does not share those convictions, they may get frustrated. But as a woman minister in a progressive Christian denomination, I found it refreshing to read about people with stories like mine and my colleagues'. It's true that clergy misconduct is a reality, and our churches need transparent and just systems of accountability for ministers who harm others. And yet, many pastors and priests are suffering from burnout or personal attacks from the people they've vowed to care for. For this group of ministers, Merritt and Fenimore's book provides practical, well-laid-out strategies for prevention and healing. Each short chapter closes with a handful of reflection prompts for journaling, prayer, and conversation.
This book is sorely needed, and I'll be recommending it widely.
Many thanks to the publisher and to NetGalley for a free copy for review.
The authors are clear about their theological starting point. They affirm the validity of women's ordination, and some of their examples center on clergy who are LGBTQ+. If the reader does not share those convictions, they may get frustrated. But as a woman minister in a progressive Christian denomination, I found it refreshing to read about people with stories like mine and my colleagues'. It's true that clergy misconduct is a reality, and our churches need transparent and just systems of accountability for ministers who harm others. And yet, many pastors and priests are suffering from burnout or personal attacks from the people they've vowed to care for. For this group of ministers, Merritt and Fenimore's book provides practical, well-laid-out strategies for prevention and healing. Each short chapter closes with a handful of reflection prompts for journaling, prayer, and conversation.
This book is sorely needed, and I'll be recommending it widely.
Many thanks to the publisher and to NetGalley for a free copy for review.
February 20, 2024
Pastoring congregations isn't easy. It can be rewarding, it can be lifegiving, sure. But it can also...when pastors find themselves either mismatched with a community or in a toxic community...be deeply traumatic. It can leave pastors feeling isolated, unsure of themselves, and can result in the loss of their faith.
From their own personal experiences and a grounding in family and systems therapy, Carol Howard and James Fenimore walk the reader through a range of different scenarios in which pastors can run afoul of unhealthy congregational systems. They explore how congregational leadership in challenging contexts can find external supports, including healthy extracongregational friendships, supportive collegial groups, and therapeutic intervention. To some, a chapter about how to make friends might seem...simplistic. But honestly? It ain't. It's amazing how the stress and loss of self-worth engendered by a toxic call can bleed you of even the most seemingly rudimentary self care skills.
I'd have liked even more bare-knuckled theology to leaven the therapeutics, because that's more my jam. That's what got me through the wreck of my first call to a church, eh?
But this book will be a blessing to many, and was well worth the read.
From their own personal experiences and a grounding in family and systems therapy, Carol Howard and James Fenimore walk the reader through a range of different scenarios in which pastors can run afoul of unhealthy congregational systems. They explore how congregational leadership in challenging contexts can find external supports, including healthy extracongregational friendships, supportive collegial groups, and therapeutic intervention. To some, a chapter about how to make friends might seem...simplistic. But honestly? It ain't. It's amazing how the stress and loss of self-worth engendered by a toxic call can bleed you of even the most seemingly rudimentary self care skills.
I'd have liked even more bare-knuckled theology to leaven the therapeutics, because that's more my jam. That's what got me through the wreck of my first call to a church, eh?
But this book will be a blessing to many, and was well worth the read.
December 30, 2023
Beginning with the premise that pastors are often wounded in the course of ministry, James (a psychotherapist and former pastor) and Carol (a pastor) authored a book to help pastors heal. Weaving together personal experiences, examples from others, and family systems theory, they have created a much needed resource to address the clergy burnout crisis that has accelerated since the pandemic. Each concise chapter contains reflection questions and exercises that can be used alone or in a group. This book is both simple enough for the emotionally drained or burnt out pastor to find comfort and next steps and deep enough to encourage leaders in less fraught places to grow. The question is not if pastors will be wounded in ministry, but when so this is a book I would recommend to all called to lead a congregation.
February 9, 2024
Carol Howard and James Fenimore honor the stories of pastors who have been wounded by their congregations. They offer practices and reflections to aid pastors in both understanding those who wound them and themselves, and ways to cope with such situations. They use real situations from current and former pastors to illustrate and reflect. While I found the book helpful, I came away with two concerns. One, at times it seems that they over-psychologize reasoning behind those who abuse their pastors, which seems to excuse their behavior. Second and related, is that there is little consideration given to holding parishioners accountable for abusive behavior. Overall though, this book is a helpful guide to recovering from toxic church experiences for clergy.
3.5/5 stars
3.5/5 stars
February 27, 2024
Carol Howard and James Fenimore lay out the truth. The things that we don't like to talk about, but that pastors who have been there know in our bones.
I wish I had had this book two or three years ago -- it could have been life-changing. I muddled through, and figured out a number of the things that Revs. Howard and Fenimore lay out in this book. They have given me words for some of the things I had figured out, but couldn't articulate.
I anticipate gifting copies to pastor friends who need it. I don't anticipate a time when I don't know somebody who needs it.
I wish I had had this book two or three years ago -- it could have been life-changing. I muddled through, and figured out a number of the things that Revs. Howard and Fenimore lay out in this book. They have given me words for some of the things I had figured out, but couldn't articulate.
I anticipate gifting copies to pastor friends who need it. I don't anticipate a time when I don't know somebody who needs it.
February 21, 2024
I think this book is very interesting and totally recommended to pastors or anyone in a position of leader or lead people. Was such a interesting read and was raw and powerful reading for me. Is simple to read for people who is already burnout and is complex in the way that can have some smoother words for the hurt hearts
March 7, 2024
This is an amazing book that all pastors should read. I feel seen and I feel hopeful after reading it. I’ll be going back to it as a resource.
October 21, 2024
WELP. I’m not sure I was emotionally prepared to have all that brought up. But it’s straightforward, gracious, and comes with good encouragement and healthy practices for navigating the junk.
February 11, 2025
Very well-written. Worth a read for any minister experiencing burnout and trying to discern the future of their ministry.
August 20, 2025
Oddly, this book on the healing of wounded pastors makes almost no reference to Scripture.
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