Lead Us Not

by Abbey Lay

‘When we spoke, I never knew what Olive would reveal to me. There were nights where she would lie next to me and pour herself out into the darkness, and others where it seemed she was hardly there at all.’

Millie is in her final year at a Catholic girls’ school, subdued by the conformity of her life and her parents’ quiet pain. But when her schoolmate Olive moves in next door, it marks the beginning of an intoxicating friendship that changes everything. In all the ways Millie feels unsure and half-formed, Olive, an aspiring actor from a devoutly Catholic family, seems at ease with her place in the world.

On the precipice of freedom, the two young women seize nights out and a school retreat as opportunities to further their own increasingly uncertain ends. Olive urges Millie on in her sexual encounters, but Millie is only becoming more consumed by Olive. When they’re not staying up all night talking, they’re watching each other from their bedroom windows – their selves are becoming blurred, their lives intimately mirrored.

That makes it all the more excruciating when, seemingly out of nowhere, Olive cuts off all contact. For all her efforts, Millie cannot understand what’s changed between them. Has she missed something? Or was their friendship, for Olive, just another performance?

An emotionally charged novel of expectation, compulsion and desire, Lead Us Not charts the unseen currents of tension and control that shape a friendship.

‘Lay’s prose is as clean and assured as a writer with many more books to her name. This could have been the beginning of either a great love story or a bitter rivalry, which is exactly what kept me turning the page.’ Allee Richards

'Vividly captures the irresistible obsessiveness of first (queer) love and the claustrophobic impact of internalised homophobia . . . An extremely strong debut that reveals the inner life of an adolescent in love with rare mastery and grace.' Laura Pettenuzzo, Meanjin

'The intoxicating push and pull between them will be recognised by anyone who has ever been a teenage girl (or devoured a Ferrante novel) – with an added layer of sapphic yearning that’s exquisitely drawn.' Steph Harmon, The Guardian

'Erotically charged . . . the push and pull between the girls rings true, and the space between desire and antagonism drives the plot forcefully onwards.' Madeleine Gray, The Saturday Paper

'An insular, intoxicating narrative that will keep you absorbed until the very last page.' Ruby Grinter, Readings

'A powerful rendering of psychological unease, and fast, intimate friendships that suddenly vanish . . . One of those books that leaves you stewing over your own experiences.' Erin Stewart, ArtsHub

'Lay weaves a deep sense of unease and uncertainty into this atmospheric novel, shading her closely observed portrait of adolescent intimacy with keen instincts for the way power relations and performative behaviour can influence social development.' Sydney Morning Herald

Genres: Lesbian, Fiction, Romance, Queer, LGBT, Contemporary, Literary Fiction

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 5, 2024

Reviews

[Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ohhh how the narrative of this novel fulfils a niche interest of mine. Or you know... the themes and motifs that haunt me etc. The intense and borderline unhealthy friendships between teenage girls (bonus! they attend a catholic high school here) that often blur the line of friendship and something more.

For all the ways this novel ticked so many boxes for me, it also felt weirdly cold and remote and though the ending supplied some of the unspoken answers it was also left vague and open in a way that was deeply unsatisfying. While Millie is well characterised, Olive is mercurial and distant... and Millie's fascination with her never feels entirely genuine. Millie's parents are achingly familiar both entirely accurate and deeply frustrating. The relationships with the boys are both insignificant yet forming a concrete corner of the narrative.

It's a bit of a dreamy read, paced well but it never truly hit as hard as I wanted it too even though all the elements were there.

[Carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️

There is something uniquely formative about the Australian, all girls high school experience and this book collates it in an insatiable 300 pages. It acutely narrated the experience of being a 17 year old girl, I often felt like I was reading my own experiences. While I felt some things were left uncovered, I loved this book and feel like I’ll be thinking about it for a while.

[Jessica Ciccarelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really nostalgic read, Abbey Lay did a really cool job of portraying the relationships in Millie’s life with simple realistic dialogue. The characters were really fleshed out to the extent that I believed everything they were saying and not saying, and I felt like the whole story was just so accurate and real. The relationship between Millie and Olive in particular, struck a cord, because I was rooting for them to discover each other’s feelings for one another but like most awakenings of sexuality there was a whole lot of stigma behind their actions and that broke my heart. What an amazing Debut novel!

[Misha · Rating 5 out of 5]

(rounded up from 4.75)

If you've ever wanted to read an incredibly naturalistic look into intense female friendships during school years that have an undercurrent of queerness, look no further. This was a slower start but once it got going, it really got going. The universal experience of finding your person, being able to share everything with them and then being hurt by them when you're both young and trying to deal is nuanced and incredibly raw here. I can't praise it enough.

[Larissa Larin · Rating 4 out of 5]

this ending left me frustrated, bewildered & enlightened all at the same time.
such a real experience written in such a tangible way. i found myself in both olive & millie at times.

my favourite & least favourite part of this book though was the fact that what i thought was the overarching theme of the book, was never explicitly said. although it was obvious. at least i think it’s obvious for those who have shared similar relationships. i’m not sure if many people could write like that. brilliantly done.

[Scarlett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this so quickly, the pacing is incredible, it draws you in and makes you want to keep reading. I loved the exploration of teenage female friendships and their complexities and intensity. The novel really captured how invested and intense teenage friendships can be, including all the feelings of rejection, angst and confusion as well as the dynamics of a girls only school and that stage in your life where you begin to see your parents as people too. Loved!!!!! Read it!!!

[Siena Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love an Aussie book!!! Really sweet and a surprisingly easy read

[Vas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a whirlwind story, and the writing was so captivating I feel changed for having read it.

[Chloe Daisy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just finished this after starting it and then hitting a huge reading rut, it was a bit slow paced at times, but overall I liked it and thought it was welll written - feel GOOD to be out of my reading rut though!

[Laura Blundy Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightfully threadbare writing that lays out the complexities of female relationships. Set at a catholic girls school, we follow the increasingly toxic relationship between Millie & Olive. Gentle and excellent, this is a writer who is not afraid to let the story carry itself.

[fal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inhaled this

50/10 on the complexity of female relashy’s especially if ur a queer queen.

[Jasper Godden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing happens. Building tensions lead nowhere. Main character is not likeable. Depressed Bella from new moon vibe. Boring.

[george t · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lead Us Not is an exploration of identity, love, and relationships. It can be classified as a queer novel due to the deep connection between Millie and Olive but it didn’t seem to have any queer notions, not until the ongoing tension and ultimate downfall between the pair caused so much personal frustration and dissatisfaction that it proved to be a queer novel simply through the confusion and power of society separating the girls.

Queerness in a religious rural town in Australia is unheard of, leaving the girls struck by love masked as infatuation and to others, just friends. This novel is aggravating as there never seems to be a relief for Millie which can be quite common in queer literature, leading to my rating. Despite this, the novel was expertly written and mirrors my own experience of being a teenager and queer person from a catholic all girls school just trying to get through my final year of high school.

[Cheyenne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beautiful cover and good premise, at times I thought about leaving it unfinished but persisted through. I think I might have outgrown these books, looking back on teenage life, especially when mine wasn’t so magical. I think it’s time I let them go.

[Kristy-Anne Budden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brought me right back to the time in my life the characters are passing through- the final year of schooling and the complexities that occur within it. A beautiful story of female friendship and discovering who you are during the transition between childhood and adulthood.

[Lauren Knox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good pace, teenage angst, some deeply familiar themes.

[Keave Perera · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good pacing, likable characters, unsatisfying ending

[Lali · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. I really enjoyed the writing and generally was very into the first half of this book but it did drop off a little. I also really didn’t like the ending and found it predictable and frustrating. but I would definitely read more of this author and lots to love!!

[Ella Scacchia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute and nostalgic

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars for me!! I really enjoyed this book. It gave me all the nostalgia of navigating the end of school. The ending was brilliant too

[Alice Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up queer in an all girls Catholic High School this book is highly relatable. Filled with just the right amount of teenage angst.

[Hannah Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

uniquely australian school girl experiences

[Imogen Henderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obsessed!!!!!! So nostalgic so Aussie so good

[Meg 🌞 · Rating 5 out of 5]

i feel so seen by this novel, which encapsulates the australian religious all girls high school very intense friendship that suddenly falls to pieces in such a real and piercing way.

[Georgia McDonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

***4.75*** Loved this so much, such an easy read, adored the nostalgia vibes

[Isla Tomlinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Something sad in my little Catholic highschool girl heart has finally healed.

I love the way this book is written. It has a classical feel to it that I can only compare to the bell jar. The way the story doesn’t lose pace and knows when to pick up or flow into poetry is what really kept me engaged and sold me.

I felt so connected to Millie the main character. I can’t tell you what she looks like or what her eye colour is and I think this was because I was her when I read. I became her eyes and that’s all that really mattered to me.

I wish I could just reread this once more.

[Adriana Lehotová · Rating 3 out of 5]

SO MUCH WASTED POTENTIAL 😫

[Hannah Korin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a nostalgic read!

[Lauren Amato · Rating 2 out of 5]

Is the storyline in the room with us? The characters lack of personalities, bland conversations and the non existent plot had this book evoking zero emotions out of me except annoyance.

[Sasha Chopra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatable, however a frustrating end. Although, it is one that I feel matches the reality of similar situations.