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465 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 5, 2014
Two loves, to possible lives - but which one is mine? Which path am I meant to take? I can't decide. I drop my head back against the tiles and begin to see stars. Then there's just black.
I want to tell him I love him and need him and miss him already but that I don't know who I am. I got lost a long time ago.To attempt to cover the many aspects of this book is ridiculous. It seems like a simple what if-story, but it is far from simple. Bea is supposed to get married to Adam, but she is so afraid of falling, so afraid of taking chances and so insecure about herself and just life, that in one of the scenarios, she becomes a runaway bride. The reasons for her endless doubts and confusion slowly uncover as the story goes on. Bea is an emotionally fragile girl who has gone through a traumatic experience in her past. She is forced to face that painful past, when a past lover comes back into her life. To find herself, she had to leave her fiancé.
You made my present so perfect I haven't dealt with my past.This book is Bea's journey to self-discovery, putting the past to rest, defining the present and looking forward to the future.
I feel like I'm being haunted by my past, and the more I try to throw myself into this new life, the more it takes me back to my old one.Bea is prone to depression and she has fallen into the black hole more than once in her past. I think the author did an amazing job with the depression aspect of this story and made the hurt and the inner battle so tangible. The fear of falling and never being able to get back up again, and the fear of drowning and never being able to reach the surface again, was so palpable and made my heart ache for Bea. It's why she has such a hard time making decisions, taking life into her own hands. She is just floating along with the current, desperately trying to stay above the water. A change, a risk, could pull her under.
You know, pet, if it helps at all, I don't think that the decisions you make necessarily close the door on a different future. I think that all paths lead to the same place in the end.In the end, whether or not Bea decides to say yes or no, to love or leave, to go back or more forward, it won't make a difference. Because some things in life are meant to be and you will end up right where you belong. Sometimes you just make a detour. This book shows you the detour and the straight road. In the detour, she takes the risk, leaves her fiancé standing, turns her life around, faces her past and in the end, becomes a woman she knows and loves. In the end, she chooses happiness, and in life, that's the only choice we ever have to make. This book also shows you the straight road in which she gets married to the love of her life, but where life situations force her to face her past in order to move on.
One life, so many directions. The infinite What Ifs we live with every single day. The possibilities at each pole, the confusion at the crossroads, the excitement when it feels like life is going our way, the sorrow when it doesn't. And that's when I realise no one ever truly knows where they're going.