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Your Honor, I Can Explain
Sometimes, things go wrong. Sometimes, they go very, very wrong. And then you're explaining to the judge where the contraband came from, why the goat is covered in peanut butter, and why the courtroom suddenly smells like a freshly fertilized field.
Your Honor, I Can Explain is a collection of 10 stories about when things went wrong. Really, really wrong. With the added bonus of a specific character in each story. The authors were required to include Andrew Spurgle, in any capacity they cared to, and make him gloriously incompetent.
Some of the stories are funny, some of them are scary, all of them are worth enjoying.
Your Honor, I Can Explain is a collection of 10 stories about when things went wrong. Really, really wrong. With the added bonus of a specific character in each story. The authors were required to include Andrew Spurgle, in any capacity they cared to, and make him gloriously incompetent.
Some of the stories are funny, some of them are scary, all of them are worth enjoying.
200 pages, Paperback
Published August 24, 2023
52 people are currently reading
4 people want to read
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March 18, 2024
Your Honor, I Can Explain (Raconteur Press Anthologies Book 11). Raconteur Press. Kindle Edition.
If you don't know an Andrew J Spurgle personally, you are fortunate; there is very little to commend him, and much to hold in contempt. However, let us consider him as an example devoutly to be avoided, and make as much sport at his expense as is possible, while staying on the side of good taste.
Well, MOSTLY on the side of good taste.
The good taste is not as important as exposing said Spurgle's deficiencies, while presenting a story of adjudicated conflict. And that's what all of these are, whether set in a courtroom or a bar.
Andrew Spurgle, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by David Bock. Actually, it's a pretty good day, in a vindictive sense, for those who aren't Spurgle. Remember the scene in 'Back to the Future' where we discover Biff hates manure? That's in good taste, isn't it?
The Case of the Peanut Butter Covered Goat, by Ted Begley. It's all fun and games, until the goat gets covered in peanut butter. Nobody was really TRYING to bring the goat discomfort; it was just a simple school-time gag. At least, it STARTED that way, until Andrew J Spurgle got involved.
Specialist Spurgle and the Peacetime Army, by Rodney L. Smith. Once upon a time, miscreants brought before a judge actually WERE offered the choice of enlisting in the military instead of going to jail. In some cases, that approach might have had a good result. However, the training cadre and the permanent duty station NCOs were left with the task of rehabilitating some semi-worthless Spurgles. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Directionally Challenged, by Tuvela Thomas. If the recipe calls for corn syrup, don't use corn oil because they are about the same color. If it says 175 degrees for one hour, don't think 450 degrees for 15 minutes will work. And if you need to ask a question, ask an AUTHORITY, not Mr. Sumdood. Important when making a cake; more important when you are attempting a more advanced task.
Casino of Chaos, by Amie Gibbons. When the mess has to be cleaned up, the Spurgles look for someone else to blame, and whoever is in the role of Boss is just interested in getting away with it. It's a bad idea to rely on someone else's weapons, whether ballistic or spiritual.
The Ass of Stratford, by Matthew C. Lucas. Spurgles always double-down, until it's time to run away. Then they cheat. And lie. Somehow, justice seems to prevail. Even if it takes special interventions.
Steve, Chuck, and the Man from F.A.M.E., by John D. Martin. The little green men turned out to be big green fish, but their hearts were pure. In the case of the good old homemade Spurgle, purity of heart may not be assumed without danger, because they wish the universe to conform to whatever idiocy Spurgles are considering to be everlasting truth, at the moment.
See, It Was Like This…, by Clair W. Kiernan. Think you can escape Spurgles by going into space? Think again: they reproduce! And, in this case, there is a great benefit to be derived from stealing a good idea of an innocent victim.
Took Their Wages, by Laura Montgomery. (I had a nightmare, in which I had forgotten to review this story!) Space lawyer Laura Montgomery (yes, LAWYERS IN S-P-A-A-C-E!) manages to twit government bureaucracy and institutional greed, and tosses in Daylight Savings Time as a bit player, so to speak. It may not come to pass that the technology needed to drive this story is discovered or invented, but the bureaucracy is here today; and, if they are ALLOWED to pull a stunt as described by Montgomery, they certainly will.
Accidental Acquisition, by Peter Delcroft. Who is at fault when damage is done? Well, if you don't put a fence around your swimming pool, you might be held liable when the neighborhood brat replaces the water with kerosene and then lights it. Can you construct a fence to keep out Spurgles? If not, better keep the quarantine in place, at all costs.
If you don't know an Andrew J Spurgle personally, you are fortunate; there is very little to commend him, and much to hold in contempt. However, let us consider him as an example devoutly to be avoided, and make as much sport at his expense as is possible, while staying on the side of good taste.
Well, MOSTLY on the side of good taste.
The good taste is not as important as exposing said Spurgle's deficiencies, while presenting a story of adjudicated conflict. And that's what all of these are, whether set in a courtroom or a bar.
Andrew Spurgle, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by David Bock. Actually, it's a pretty good day, in a vindictive sense, for those who aren't Spurgle. Remember the scene in 'Back to the Future' where we discover Biff hates manure? That's in good taste, isn't it?
The Case of the Peanut Butter Covered Goat, by Ted Begley. It's all fun and games, until the goat gets covered in peanut butter. Nobody was really TRYING to bring the goat discomfort; it was just a simple school-time gag. At least, it STARTED that way, until Andrew J Spurgle got involved.
Specialist Spurgle and the Peacetime Army, by Rodney L. Smith. Once upon a time, miscreants brought before a judge actually WERE offered the choice of enlisting in the military instead of going to jail. In some cases, that approach might have had a good result. However, the training cadre and the permanent duty station NCOs were left with the task of rehabilitating some semi-worthless Spurgles. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Directionally Challenged, by Tuvela Thomas. If the recipe calls for corn syrup, don't use corn oil because they are about the same color. If it says 175 degrees for one hour, don't think 450 degrees for 15 minutes will work. And if you need to ask a question, ask an AUTHORITY, not Mr. Sumdood. Important when making a cake; more important when you are attempting a more advanced task.
Casino of Chaos, by Amie Gibbons. When the mess has to be cleaned up, the Spurgles look for someone else to blame, and whoever is in the role of Boss is just interested in getting away with it. It's a bad idea to rely on someone else's weapons, whether ballistic or spiritual.
The Ass of Stratford, by Matthew C. Lucas. Spurgles always double-down, until it's time to run away. Then they cheat. And lie. Somehow, justice seems to prevail. Even if it takes special interventions.
Steve, Chuck, and the Man from F.A.M.E., by John D. Martin. The little green men turned out to be big green fish, but their hearts were pure. In the case of the good old homemade Spurgle, purity of heart may not be assumed without danger, because they wish the universe to conform to whatever idiocy Spurgles are considering to be everlasting truth, at the moment.
See, It Was Like This…, by Clair W. Kiernan. Think you can escape Spurgles by going into space? Think again: they reproduce! And, in this case, there is a great benefit to be derived from stealing a good idea of an innocent victim.
Took Their Wages, by Laura Montgomery. (I had a nightmare, in which I had forgotten to review this story!) Space lawyer Laura Montgomery (yes, LAWYERS IN S-P-A-A-C-E!) manages to twit government bureaucracy and institutional greed, and tosses in Daylight Savings Time as a bit player, so to speak. It may not come to pass that the technology needed to drive this story is discovered or invented, but the bureaucracy is here today; and, if they are ALLOWED to pull a stunt as described by Montgomery, they certainly will.
Accidental Acquisition, by Peter Delcroft. Who is at fault when damage is done? Well, if you don't put a fence around your swimming pool, you might be held liable when the neighborhood brat replaces the water with kerosene and then lights it. Can you construct a fence to keep out Spurgles? If not, better keep the quarantine in place, at all costs.
September 14, 2023
Below the bar?
this is an amusing idea for a collection of short stories and I hope future collections are released. I wouldn't go so far as to say that any of the stories are memorable but all range from amusing to laugh out loud. The idea of "Andrew" as a special character works extremely well. for a laugh about courtroom tales and a special incompetent knows-it-all, this is a book worth the time to read.
this is an amusing idea for a collection of short stories and I hope future collections are released. I wouldn't go so far as to say that any of the stories are memorable but all range from amusing to laugh out loud. The idea of "Andrew" as a special character works extremely well. for a laugh about courtroom tales and a special incompetent knows-it-all, this is a book worth the time to read.
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